


A Whole New World

by 0bviousLeigh



Series: Mama AU [2]
Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Blood and Injury, Crack, Fluff, M/M, MAMA Era Powers (EXO), Mental Health Issues, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Harm, Sexual Content, Slow Burn, if you know the story you know I went all over the place with emotions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-28
Updated: 2021-03-01
Packaged: 2021-03-11 02:27:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 72
Words: 224,444
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28387776
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/0bviousLeigh/pseuds/0bviousLeigh
Summary: The continuation of the Guardian's stories, from their childhood to their new lives on Earth.Originally posted as the continuation of/under the title "At World's End" from 2012 to 2014.
Relationships: Byun Baekhyun/Park Chanyeol, Huang Zi Tao | Z.Tao/Kim Junmyeon | Suho/Wu Yi Fan | Kris, Kim Jongdae | Chen/Kim Jongin | Kai, Lu Han/Oh Sehun
Series: Mama AU [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2077869
Comments: 3
Kudos: 14





	1. Please Stay

**Author's Note:**

> When I originally posted the story on asianfanfics, I just added these chapters to the original story. I debated calling this "At World's End - Continued" but that's no fun. These chapters will be posted in the same order that they were on AFF, meaning the order in which I wrote them. Each chapter will give continuity at the start.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kai-Centric  
> Continuity: Pre-Chapter 1 of "At World's End"  
> Warning: Blood, attempted suicide.

On day 257 of being stranded and alone, Kai is walking back to their makeshift camp site when he hears faint yelling. He picks up his pace, dodging through the trees and tries to focus on what is being said, but he’s so hungry and tired he can’t make himself focus. He bursts through the trees to find Sehun holding a sharp rock to his bleeding wrist and screaming at Lu Han.

“Look at me!! I know you’re in there, Lu Han! I know you can see this!!” He digs the rock into his skin and blood sprays onto Lu Han’s face.

Kai reacts automatically, dropping the firewood he was holding and running at Sehun. He smacks into him _hard_ and knocks him to the ground, Sehun’s grip on the rock slackens and Kai throws it away. He’s sitting on Sehun’s chest, trying to keep his balance as Sehun attempts to throw him off.

“What do you think you are doing?!” Kai screams in Sehun’s face. He grabs the younger’s wrist and inspects it carefully, assessing the damage. Of course it’s unnecessary, as Sehun cannot die. He could find all the sharp rocks he wanted and throw himself on top of them, there would be no lasting damage. Even now the wound is starting to heal, but the sight of his friend intentionally harming himself has Kai ready to pass out.

Sehun’s breath had been knocked out when Kai tackled him, but he regains it quickly and starts yelling.

“Get off! I know what I’m doing, I have to get to him!!”

Kai hits Sehun as hard as he can, which is actually not that hard because he’s shaking and weak with fear.

“Do you think this is the way? By threatening to kill yourself?”

The slap makes Sehun go quiet. He puts his hand to his face and looks up at Kai with tears in his eyes. Kai has never hit Sehun before, nor has he ever fought with or yelled at him. Not when Sehun had accidentally broken his favorite necklace, not when Sehun invited Lu Han into their Secret Club without asking him first, not even when he’d felt so alone whenever Sehun’s eyes would follow Lu Han’s every move and he felt like he was being replaced. Kai feels tears threaten to fall from his own eyes and he feels like a horrible person, but he resolves not to apologize.

That resolution crumbles when Sehun starts to cry. Sehun doesn’t cry, not in front of him.

“H-He said he couldn’t live w-without me,” Sehun stammers. “That if anything ever h-happened to me…”

Kai crawls off of Sehun and helps him sit up, since he’s crying too hard to do it himself. Sehun turns toward Kai and grabs his shirt, shaking him a little.

“I can’t do this,” Sehun tells him. “I _need_ him. He can’t live without me?! Well I can’t live without him!” He grips Kai’s shirt harder, his head falls forward into Kai’s chest. When he speaks again, his voice is muffled by fabric and tears. “I can’t sit here every day for the rest of my life, knowing he’s alive but that he’ll never look at me, or talk to me or tell me he loves me ever again. It’s killing me, Kai!” He’s screaming now, his head still down and Kai is sure he’s not getting enough air, if he’s getting any at all. Kai desperately tries to reposition Sehun so that he can breath and somehow winds up with Sehun straddling his lap, sobbing into his shoulder.

“He’s as good as dead,” Sehun cries brokenly. “Isn’t that what they say about the lost? _Isn’t it?!”_

Kai swallows hard and tries to keep his voice from breaking. “Yes, it is.”

Sehun laughs hysterically. “Well isn’t that ironic? Isn’t that just the worst kind of irony and torture all at once. We were supposed to be unstoppable, gifted, indestructible. We were going to live forever and always be by each other’s side, and now even though he’s alive he might as well be dead, and I can’t even join him.”

Kai’s blood runs cold and he grabs at Sehun’s arms, shaking him hard. “Don’t you dare say that, don’t you ever say that!”

“It’s true though,” Sehun insists. “You have no idea how much I want to die right now. If we were both human I’d kill myself and then when he dies, and I’d be waiting for him in the afterlife and we’d be together again and this time nothing would ever go wrong—”

“STOP IT!!!”

Sehun goes absolutely still as Kai finally loses it, breaking down and crying almost as hard as Sehun had been before.

“You. Are. So. _Selfish_ ,” Kai gasps between sobs. “How can you say that to me? To me, Sehun!! You are my best friend! What would I do if you died?!”

This is what it feels like to be afraid, Kai thinks. He’s looked death in the face, and that used to be the single scariest moment of his life, but that doesn’t even compare to this, to hearing his best friend talk about killing himself.

“How could you leave me alone like that?” Kai asks, letting all the betrayal he’s ever felt out in that one sentence.

Sehun tries to take it back. “That’s not—I didn’t—You know—”

Kai wraps his arms around Sehun’s torso and hugs him. “I do,” he concedes. “I do know that this is hard for you. I have watched you suffer every day since we got here. Don’t you think it’s been hard on me, knowing I can’t do anything to help you?”

Sehun hesitantly returns the hug. Kai lays his forehead on Sehun’s shoulder.

“I know I’m not Lu Han, and I can never be what he was to you…but please,” He looks up and takes Sehun’s face in his hands. Sehun’s face is dirty and bruised, his eyes are red from crying and he looks ten years older than he is, but all Kai sees is Sehun when they met at the Sanctuary for the first time, all smiles and bright eyes.

“Please,” Kai begs, “I can’t lose everyone at the same time. Can’t you try to hold on for me?”

Kai thinks he is actually the most selfish person in the world at this point, begging Sehun to think of him and his needs when he’s just lost the love of his life. He knows that both of them can survive this if they learn what it was like to just have themselves to rely on again. He loves Lu Han very, very much, he’s prepared to say that he’s Kai’s favorite right after Sehun (and possibly Chen), but he knows that the Lost can never come back. They lived without Lu Han before, maybe they can do it again.

Sehun’s lip trembles and he bites down on it so hard he breaks the skin. Kai reaches up and wipes the blood away even as the cut heals.

“I love you so much Sehun,” Kai tells him. “Maybe not the way Lu Han did but just as much. If you left I don’t know what I would…”

Sehun shuts his eyes and nods. “Okay,” he gasps, “I won’t ever do that again. I’ll stay with you.”

Kai actually starts crying from relief. He hugs Sehun tightly and they both unbalance and fall to the ground. They stay like that through the night, hugging and crying until they eventually fall asleep. When they wake up, nothing has changed. Lu Han is exactly where they left him, blood still on his face and eyes vacant as they were the night before. Kai walks him to the river and washes the blood off while Sehun rebuild the fire. When Kai gets back, Sehun takes Lu Han and guides him into the broken escape pod.

Kai sits by the fire and holds his head in his hands. He’s still tired, but it’s the kind of tired that can’t be cured with sleep. He needs food and a shower and he needs his brothers—

Sehun lays his hand on Kai’s shoulder and he jumps. He didn’t even hear Sehun come back, and he starts to say this but Sehun cuts him off with a gentle kiss.

Kai flashes back to when Sehun stole his first kiss when they were both eight. Sehun had spent the entire day with Lu Han while Kai was sick and confined to the Healers room, and when Sehun had finally come to visit at the end of the day Kai was visibly hurt.

“Where were you?” He demanded, and Sehun had pulled a beaded bracelet out of his pocket.

“I was making this for you,” he defended. Kai took one look at it and started to cry, because he thought that Sehun didn’t care about him anymore.

Sehun had smiled and ruffled his hair. “You’re so silly,” he’d said fondly. “I love you too much to forget about you.” And then he’d planted a light kiss on Kai’s lips, just like he was doing right now.

When Sehun pulled away they were both smiling. “I love you too much to leave you, silly,” Sehun told him.

Kai ruffled Sehun’s hair. “I know.”

Well, now he did anyway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original notes:  
> I very much debated about including that kiss. Just to clarify, there is no KaiHun or SeKai or whatever in this AU. It was a friendly kiss, nothing more nothing less!!


	2. Friendly Reminder

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kris-Centric  
> Continuity: Chapter 4 of "At World's End"

Kris woke up two weeks before his 13th birthday feeling utterly miserable.

He had spent the last three nights doing anything he could think of to try to stop himself from scratching his wings, which were itching fiercely, and he’d gotten at most four hours of sleep combined. He had two exams tomorrow, he hadn’t studied for either of them AND he had been told that until his wings stop itching he wasn’t allowed to fly. Even the fact that today was their day off from lessons couldn’t cheer him up at all, because he knew he would spend it in the library trying to study.

Kris dragged himself out of bed and stumbled into his clothes. He decided to head straight to the library and skip breakfast (or was it lunch now?) and just eat at dinner, not that that food in the Sanctuary was appetizing to him at all. He fought to keep his hands away from his wings and to keep from feeling too miserable. He tried forcing himself to remember how awful he’d felt a few months ago when he had broken a bone in his wing, and reminding himself that the pain from then didn’t even compare to the itching now. Kris was so caught up in his exhausted thoughts that he didn’t even realize he was being followed until he finally got to his favorite reading chair in the library and felt a tap on his arm. He turned around to see little Sehun smiling up at him.

“Here you go,” the eight year old said brightly, holding out an armful of fluffy black feathers, a few of which drifted lazily to the floor. Kris stared at them in confusion, unsure of what Sehun meant by giving him feathers.

“You dropped these,” Sehun explained, glancing at Kris’ wings. Kris looked behind him and flexed his wings out. Upon further inspection he did notice that he had lost many of his downy feathers.

“Oh,” Kris sighed. “Thank you, baby,” he said, patting Sehun on the head. “Just put them on the table then, I’ll take care of them later.”

Sehun did as he was told, and Kris expected him to scamper off again, but instead he hung off of the arm of Kris’ chair and looked up at him curiously. “Why are you dropping your feathers?” He asked.

Kris caught himself scratching his wing and mentally slapped himself. “Because I’m molting,” He muttered darkly, slumping down in his seat.

“Like a bird?” Sehun asked.

“Yes,” Kris said. “Like a bird.”

Sehun nodded slowly. “Does it hurt?”

Kris froze, wondering if he should answer honestly. Did an eight year old really need to hear that yes, it hurt like a thousand little pins being stuck into his skin? Was it right for Kris to lie when he was so obviously unhappy?

“A little,” he finally said. Sehun frowned in concentration and quickly shuffled off. Kris was a bit startled by his sudden departure, but shook it off and turned back to his books, now covered in little black feathers. He was so distracted by finding a way to keep from scratching that he read the same sentence four times over a span of about ten minutes and still had no idea what it said. That was when he was interrupted for the second time. This time it was by Suho, who sat down on the armrest of Kris’ chair and gently patted his head.

“Sehun told me you weren’t feeling well,” Suho said. “Are your bones hollowing out again?”

Kris shook his head. “Molting. My old feathers are falling out and being replaced with new ones, and it fucking hurts.”

He dropped the curse word without even thinking about it, and was glad that Suho didn’t call him out on it. Instead, he just asked if Kris had gone to see the healers.

“Two days ago, and they gave me some kind of cream to use but it didn’t work,” Kris sighed. “They can’t do anything for me, really. I’m just not supposed to scratch them.”

Suho looked at him nervously. “Then you might want to stop scratching now.”

Kris froze when he realized he had both hands behind his back and was raking his nails through his feathers. He quickly pulled his hands back around, only to find them covered in blood.

“Oh no,” he whispered, horrified.

Suho jumped up. “It’s okay,” he said, hauling Kris to his feet. “We’ll just go to the Healers and ask them to sort you out—”

Kris slumped back down into his chair and put his head down on the table. “You don’t understand,” he said desperately, “They’re going to kill me.”

“What?!” Suho demanded. “Who?”

“I made myself bleed, Suho,” Kris yelled, now close to tears. “They told me to be careful and don’t even touch them if I could help it and now I’ve gone and scratched so much I’ll probably get an infection and they’ll kill me. Then I’ll spend the entire day in the Infirmary and they’ll make me rest and I won’t have time to study and then I’ll fail my tests tomorrow and Teacher will kill me and then I’ll probably be grounded from unsupervised flights and then I’ll kill me—”

Suho clapped his hand over Kris’ mouth. “Okay now you’re hysterical,” he said flatly as Kris started crying.

“I’m dead,” he mumbled against Suho’s hand.

“No you’re not,” Suho insisted, taking his hand away and pulling Kris back up. “Now come on, I’ll take you to see the healers.”

“No,” Kris whined even as he let himself be dragged along. “I just said I’ll be in major trouble for this!”

“No you said they’d kill you, not that you’d be in trouble,” Suho corrected. “Neither of which is true by the way.”

Kris very much doubted that but he didn’t say so because he was too tired and upset to argue further. He didn’t say anything either when they got to the Infirmary, let Suho do all the talking while he stared at his feet and let the tears gather in the corners of his eyes.

The senior healer took him over to one of the beds and gently helped him out of his shirt before she started examining his wings, moving the feathers aside and clucking her tongue when she saw the blood.

“Well it’s probably not infected,” she assured him, “We just need to clean it up a bit. Have you been using the cream we gave you?”

Kris nodded, afraid that if he tried to talk all he would do was sob. He wanted to go curl up under his blanket and sleep for the whole day, or even better he wanted to go home.

Another healer stood behind him and started to clean the blood away, using some kind of medicated liquid that smelled like dirt.

“Is this a feather?” She muttered, tugging it a bit to see if it was loose. Pain shot up Kris’ wing and he cried out, startling everyone.

“That was not a feather,” he gasped through fresh tears.

“Is that skin?” The senior healer muttered, now hovering over him. Kris shut his eyes and braced himself for more pain. Blindly he reached out to grab the sheets and found himself clutching Suho’s hand.

“You can squeeze really hard if it hurts,” he told Kris. “Chanyeol does it a lot, so I’m used to it.”

Kris actually remembered Chanyeol saying something similar when his bones had been hollowing.

“Well,” Kris heard the senior healer say, “This is an interesting development.”

“What’s wrong?” Suho asked. “Is Kris going to be okay?”

The senior healer knelt down and wiped the tears from Kris’ face. “You’re fine,” she said softly. “You’re going to be just fine. You have special wings, that’s all.”

“How so?” Suho asked.

One of the secondary healers brought out an old book and gave it to the older woman, who flipped to a page of various wing diagrams. “It turns out that your wings aren’t actually Ave-like as we had originally thought. They’re much closer to Dragon wings.”

“How does that matter?” Kris asked, finally finding his voice.

The senior healer gave him a sympathetic look. “Well, it means that the skin on your wings is going to have to toughen up, and that can be an irritating process, as you’re finding out. We’ll probably have to keep you here for a few days to make sure everything goes accordingly.”

Kris groaned and fell on his side, burying his face in his pillow. “I’m doomed,” he muttered.

The other healers brought him some kind of drink which was laced with sedatives, and even though he had a thousand things to do Kris drank it without complaining, because he knew that there was no arguing with these women when they had a patient to deal with. He was knocked out for a better part of the day, and when he finally woke up it was because Suho sat on him.

“Oomph,” he said as the air rushed out of his lungs. Blinking sleepily, he tried to wriggle away from the other boy. “Ge’ off me.”

Suho shoved at Kris’ shoulder. “Scoot over, I’m tired too.”

Kris shuffled an inch or two to the side and Suho flopped on the mattress, landing on Kris’ arm as he did so.

“I think we’re a little big to be sharing this bed, don’t you think?” Kris asked dryly. Suho huffed and shoved him.

“Is that anyway to talk to someone who spent the entire day running around for you?”

Kris gave him a puzzled look and Suho ruffled his hair. “I talked to Teacher, he said that under the circumstances he agrees that you deserve an extension on your test date. It’s two weeks from now, which should give you plenty of time to heal. Then I went to the library and collected all the books you’ll need, but you can only have them when you’re better! Oh, and just before I came here I got Tao, Kai and Sehun to go to sleep.”

Kris stared at Suho in amazement. Suho grinned at him and tugged the quilt up over the pair of them.

“You know Kris, don’t have to do everything on your own,” Suho told him gently. “We’re in this together.”

“Yeah,” Kris agreed, laying his head on Suho’s shoulder. “Thank you for reminding me.”


	3. Lay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lu Han & Yixing-centric  
> Continuity: Chapter 2 of "At World's End"

Yixing paced around his room, biting his nails and rereading the letter he’d snatched from Kris’ hand. He turned the paper over, hoping for a PS, an asterisk, an explanation of any kind. Why him? Why now?

The sentence at the very bottom of the letter seemed to take on a life of its own, the letters jumping off of the page and jabbing at him. ‘Pay attention to us,’ they chanted, demanding his full concentration.

‘ _Please inform Zhang Yixing that we have changed his name to Lay, in honor of Zhou Lay, a recently deceased scholar whose contribution to our understanding of the solar system has been indefinable._ ’

Zhou Lay. Yixing didn’t even know the man, and now he was to be considered a living plaque dedicated in his honor. It was degrading. Even in his head the words sounded cold. And, he realized with a jolt, they had been written in a different handwriting from the one at the top. Like they were an afterthought in their own right.

“Oh,” Yizing said aloud, “Maybe we should inform this child that we’re changing his name. Oops, I mean _have_ changed his name, _have_. As in already done who knows how long ago, now everyone just knows about it!!”

Yixing flung the paper aside and kicked his dresser.

“This isn’t fair!” He screamed. “I’m Yixing, not Lay! I’ll never answer to Lay, I don’t care what anyone says. It’s not my name!!”

And with that he turned around and collapsed on his bed. His breathing was labored and he felt like he could either rampage through the Southern sanctuary and break everything in it, or sit on his bed and cry for a week.

Naturally the second choice was the easiest, but crying for a week was so undignified for a seven year old. Although, he had only just turned seven…

Yixing buried his face in his pillow to muffle a pathetic whimper. At home he had been almost famous for being such a bright, well-behaved child. His mother had once commented on the fact that he’d been such an agreeable child even when he was a newborn, rarely crying and sleeping through the night more often than not. Well, at least now he was finally losing his cool where she couldn’t see him.

His internal monologue was interrupted by a soft knock on his door.

“GO AWAY!” He yelled, figuring that it was a Matron who had overheard his little tantrum. He would pay later for being rude, right now he didn’t care.

“But I brought cookies…”

Oh, it was only Lu Han, Yixing realized. “Oh, you can come in,” he said awkwardly. He sat up and tried to look presentable and not like he’d just had a fit.

Lu Han slipped in quietly and padded over with a plate of leftover cookies from yesterday. They had wild nuts in them and they were Yixing’s favorite. He took one with a muttered "Thanks," not meeting Lu Han’s eyes. They had only known each other for two months, and he was a little shy around the older boy, who seemed so innocent and child-like Yixing sometimes wondered how he could even be a Guardian.

“Are you alright?” Lu Han asked, seating himself on Yixing’s bed. They were close enough that there arms brushed, and though Yixing would never admit it he kind of wished he duck under Lu Han’s arm and stay there for a while. He was dying for human contact.

Instead, Yixing opted for a feeble assertion that yes, he was fine.

Lu Han gave him a skeptical look. “You seemed pretty upset when you ran out of the dining hall.”

Yixing felt tears gather in his eyes and he flushed from embarrassment.

“’M just tired,” Yixing said through a mouthful of crumbs. Suddenly eating was the last thing on his mind, even if the cookies were his favorite.

He half expected to be called out on the lie, but instead Lu Han moved the cookie plate to the dresser and pulled the blankets back from the bed, motioning for Yixing to lie down.

“Then you should sleep,” he said, giving Yixing a gentle shove. In what he thought was a moment of weakness, Yixing clung to Lu Han’s arm.

“Will you stay with me?” He asked, sounding every bit the seven year old he was.

Lu Han took his hand. “Of course I will,” he said kindly, and that was all it took for Yixing to start crying. Lu Han tugged him over to his bed and made him lie down, and then he tucked Yixing’s head under his chin and let him cry all over his shirt. Even when he finally stopped, Yixing refused to let go of Lu Han.

“I’ve always been Yixing,” he whispered. “I can’t suddenly be Lay, I just can’t. I don’t know who Lay is, I don’t know how to be him. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do to honor a dead scholar. I’m just a kid, I can’t do this.” And he dissolved into tears again.

“What’s in a name?” Lu Han said softly, tilting Yixing’s head up. “That which we call a rose by any other word would smell as sweet.”

Yixing blinked up at him. “What in the name of the Tree is a rose?” He asked.

“It’s some kind of flower,” Lu Han said, looking a bit put out. “Haven’t you ever heard that quote before?”

“No,” Yixing informed him. “What’s it from?”

“It’s…from a book from another planet. Anyway it means that names aren’t always important. You can call a thing whatever you want, that doesn’t change what it is. For instance, if we called cookies chairs,” he gestured toward to cookies, “They’d still be yummy, right? And if I called you Lay, you’d still be a seven year old boy who helps heal small animals and spaces out during Literature class, and you’d still be our friend and fellow Guardian, and we wouldn’t love you any less.”

Yixing took a moment to let those words sink in, and after a little bit he sat up, wiped his eyes and cleared his throat.

“Hello,” he said to Lu Han, and held out his hand. “I’m Lay.”

Lu Han grinned and took Yixing’s hand. “Hi there Lay. Would you like to go have dinner with me, Tao and Kris?”

“Yes,” Lay said with a hesitant smile. “I think I would like that.”


	4. Static

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sehun-centric  
> Continuity—Chapter 2/4 of "At World's End"

When Sehun was very young, he had a reputation for being quiet, and that suited him just fine. The problem was that because he was so quiet, people tended to assume he was stupid, or just that he had nothing to say. Neither of those things were true. Sehun was a very bright little boy and he had quite a lot that he would have liked to say (particularly to those who assumed he was stupid), really Sehun’s problem was his mouth. It never seemed to work the way he wanted it to, and the things he thought in his brain got lost on their way to his mouth and came out garbled or awkward. By the time he was four, he gave up trying, and his parents never made him speak.

Then when Sehun was four and a half, the Matrons came to his home. As they had done with all the other Guardians up to that point, they looked at the mark on his chest and gave him an affinity test, and of course he passed and was taken to the Northern Sanctuary. The Matrons and Teachers knew there was no way Sehun could be as empty minded as the people from his town had made him out to be, and one of Sehun’s first memories of the Sanctuary was of a Matron who looked him over and said, “I bet you have all kinds of things you could tell us.”

All Sehun needed was a way to communicate, and since speech was out the Teachers devoted themselves to teaching Sehun how to write. He’d only learned a few letters in school before he’d been pulled out, and he was far behind other children his age, but within six months he managed to catch up. Sehun really had Suho to thank for his unbelievable progress. The fact that he was a Guardian and therefore more adapted to fast learning helped, as did The Teachers, but it was Suho who really pushed Sehun. From the moment Sehun had arrived, Suho had latched onto him and made it his mission to somehow communicate with ‘the baby,’ as everyone took to calling him. Suho would sit with him even after the teachers had left and go over letters and punctuation with him, gently correcting his mistakes and remaining unfailingly positive and optimistic about his progress.

Once Sehun learned to write, he made it very clear that he was just as smart as the other boys at the Sanctuary. The downside to that was that people started deciding it was time for Sehun to speak. If he was going to be a Guardian then he would need to be able to communicate with the people of the planet, not all of whom could read. Once the Healers determined that there was nothing physically wrong with Sehun—his vocal cords worked, his brain was functional, he had all the facilities necessary for speech—he started working with special Teachers who trained to help people with speech problems. They decided the best thing to do was start small, with simple phrases like ‘Please’ and ‘Thank you,’ and even simple requests such as ‘I need help.’

Sehun struggled with these orders. He didn’t want to speak, he didn’t think he should have to. But the Healers and Teachers were adamant, and eventually they got the other Guardians-to-be in on it. “Use your words” became their mantra.

“Use your words, Sehun.”

He would come to dread that command. Even then he decided to try, partially to get everyone to back off of him, and partially because he knew Suho and Jongin and the rest of his brothers wanted to hear him talk.

But that problem with his mouth just would not go away. “Can you help me?” got turned into “I help you,” something Sehun had heard his whole life. ‘Sehun, I’ll help you tie your shoes,’ ‘Sehun, I’ll help you cut your food.’

“Suho, I help you,” Sehun would say, holding up whatever he needed help with.

The first time he said that, Sehun cried. He knew it wasn’t right, he knew exactly what he had to say but for the life of him he could not make it sound right, and it was frustrating, embarrassing and he was sick of it. Of course right away Suho hugged him and told him it was _fine_ , totally fine—a mistake was better than nothing, after all. It didn’t matter, Sehun hated himself for it. He spoke as infrequently as he could, and whenever he could get away with silence he took advantage of it.

This went on until Sehun was almost six, when one day he tripped over a tree root and broke his finger. It would have healed faster than was usual, but even then Sehun needed a splint for a few days, and being minus one finger suddenly meant he needed a lot of help. At one point his shoelace came untied and he had to go to Suho for help with it.

Sehun had pulled on Suho’s sleeve and pointed at his shoe.

“Use your words,” Suho had told him.

Sehun refused, and he shook Suho’s arm and nudged him with his foot.

“I’m not going to help you until you ask for it,” Suho said flatly.

Sehun had stood in front of Suho and stared him down for a whole minute. At first he was angry, but he forced himself to calm down because talking was easier when he was calm. Finally he opened his mouth.

“My shoe broke.”

It was so far from what he’d wanted to say that for a second Sehun even confused himself. He clapped his hands over his mouth and stared at Suho wide-eyed.

“Okay,” Suho said. “That’s okay.”

‘No,’ Sehun had thought to himself, ‘It isn’t okay.’ And he’d fallen to his knees sobbing hysterically. Suho rushed to comfort him, but Sehun threw him off and ran away to his room, where he wedged a chair under the door so nobody could come in. Then he hid under his bed and cried for the rest of the day. Didn’t anyone see how humiliating this was for him? He sounded like the idiot he’d always been assumed to be, and he was so sick of being patronized. He knew it was wrong and he knew he wasn’t okay, and yet everyone insisted on treating him like he was.

Suho broke his door down late in the evening. From under his bed Sehun had heard the door splintering, but at that point he hadn’t cared if anyone came in or not. When he finally got in Sehun expected Suho to yell at him, or to at least look disappointed at how he was behaving. He crawled out from under the bed and sat with his knees pulled up, waiting to be scolded. Instead, Suho hugged him and apologized.

“All this time I’ve been forcing you to do something you can’t do. Or that you can’t do yet.” Suho cupped Sehun’s face in his hands and kissed his forehead. “I won’t do that anymore. From now on you can choose to talk when you feel like it. Nobody’s going to force you to talk anymore, baby, I promise.”

Suho kept his word, and “Use your words” became a thing of the past. Sehun was permitted to talk when he saw fit, and once he stopped being coerced and outright demanded, he was actually more inclined to say a few words. It wasn’t until Lu Han came along though that he actually started to speak in full sentences.

From the moment Sehun saw Lu Han standing in the doorway of the Headmaster’s office, still in his traveling clothes, shivering and worried, from that moment Sehun just knew that he wanted to be friends with Lu Han. He could tell that this boy was made to be his friend, but the problem was he hadn’t known Sehun long enough to decode his mixed up words and body language, and so Sehun was determined to make it so that Lu Han and he could communicate. And if Lu Han couldn’t learn his language, Sehun would learn Lu Han’s.


	5. This is Ours

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sehun/Lu Han centric  
> Continuity: Chapter 4 of At World's End

Lu Han looked up one night when they were curled up on Sehun’s bed reading (it had to be Sehun’s bed, Lu Han was positively neurotic about his) and said that he had something he needed to talk to Sehun about.

Sehun was grateful for any chance to stop reading his history notes, and he looked up eagerly and tossed his book aside. “Go ahead,” he encouraged.

Lu Han sat up slowly and set his book down on the table between his and Sehun’s bed. He twisted his fingers nervously into the sheets and met Sehun’s gaze cautiously.

“You’re pretty young, considering what I’m about to say, but you’re mature…sometimes I forget that you’re only thirteen. Anyway, you need to know that I’m not expecting anything from you—not now, not at any set point in the future. I just think you need to hear it and hold onto it for the future.”

Sehun took a deep breath and nodded, realizing now just how serious Lu Han was. It wasn’t often that he adopted such a nature, usually he was playful and lighthearted. Whatever he had to say must have been Very Important.

“You can tell me anything,” Sehun assured. “You know I’ll listen and keep an open mind.”

Lu Han smiled shyly. “Well okay then…I’m in love with you.”

‘ _Oh_ ,’ Sehun thought as he was suddenly overwhelmingly happy and terrified.

Lu Han continued, getting more and more confident with each word he spoke.

“I was so happy when you reached out to me on that first day, I’ve never met anyone who made me feel more special and happy with just one gesture. You learned to talk because you wanted to communicate with me, and it was the best feeling in the world. And even when I was homesick and cried, you never left me alone. Ever since I met you I’ve felt like I always have someone looking out for me, that no matter what I do or where I am I’ll always have someone who will be there for me. Not just physically and as a friend, but as an emotional and spiritual support. You’re so young and yet you’ve changed the way I think about my future, I feel like I can be anything I’m needed to be—a Guardian, a judge, worthy of my position—as long as I have you with me. Nobody else makes me feel like that, not to the degree that you do. And that’s what made me love you. How could I not love you, after all that? You’re such an amazing person, Sehun, and I don’t think you realize it. I’m so determined to make you see how special you are, starting with this, with you realizing what you mean to me.”

Sehun was struck silent. He’d never expected a confession like that from anyone. Could it really be true, all of it? Any of it? The only logical answer he could think of was yes—Lu Han wouldn’t lie to him about a thing like this. And what about his feelings for Lu Han? For the boy who had helped him find his words after seven years, who never gave up on him and who never looked down on him for being younger and at times a petulant child? Everything Lu Han had just said applied to how Sehun felt for Lu Han, but how could he possibly say something that would equate those feelings, as well as give voice to his fears?

“Thank you,” Sehun whispered, his voice think with tears. “I wish I could say I feel the same way…but the truth is I don’t know how I feel about you.”

Lu Han was quiet for a whole minute. Then he gently wrapped his arms around Sehun.

“Sehun, you should know better than to lie to me. It hurts more than anything you could ever say.”

Sehun buried his face in Lu Han’s shoulder and sobbed. Damn it all, he thought to himself. Damn it, damn it. Now what could he say?

“I—I don’t—can’t—”

The words were stuck in his throat. He needed to get them out but he couldn’t, and the harder he tried the further they seemed to be. Sehun felt like he would choke, or his desperation would swallow him.

Lu Han pulled back and took Sehun’s face in his hands. “Take it easy,” he soothed. “Don’t force the words. Take as much time as you need.”

Sehun shook his head. “Need…now,” He gasped.

Lu Han gently wiped the tears off Sehun’s face. “Okay, but first I want you to breathe.”

This was what Lu Han had done with him when he was a child and these kinds of fits were a bi-weekly occurrence. Sehun forced himself to calm down and take slow, even breaths. Within a few minutes he’d managed to calm down enough to speak clearly.

“I’m sorry I lied just now,” he started. “I do know what you mean to me. Everything you just said…it’s all true for me as well. You changed my life, you made me someone I was proud to be. I love you so much, so much more than anyone else I’ve ever met. You’re my everything, Lu Han, and to be honest it scares me. I’m so afraid of what could happen to us, not because of anything we did to each other but what others did to us. What if we told the others and they didn’t approve? What if we fought and they picked sides, and our group was split? I know we haven’t fought on that kind of scale, but suppose they think we might? What if they don’t approve? Could we stay together even if everything in the world told us not to?”

Sehun paused and took a deep breath. “I’m not saying it wouldn’t be worth it to try, but…”

He trailed off, the words leaving once again. Luckily, Lu Han knew what he meant.

“I’ve thought about that too,” he confessed. “But really, what you’ve told me now is more than I could have ever hoped for. I’m so happy right now, because now I know that if I have to fight for you, I won’t be fighting for something you don’t want. And we can worry about all of that later, really I wanted to tell you now because…well who knows how crazy our lives are about to get. We’re going to go see the Tree in a few days, and after that anything goes. I wanted to tell you now, before we have all of this uncertainty to deal with. And…I really want us to be there for each other during that time, you know? If everything else falls apart and goes to hell, I wanted you to know that you’ll always have me.”

Lu Han was crying now, silent tears dripping onto his cheeks. Sehun started to cry again, too.

“Me, too,” he managed. “You’ll always have me, too.”

Sehun was worried about a lot—his future, Lu Han’s future, the future of his brothers and his planet, but he decided that those worries…they could wait for a few hours. Or days. At that moment, all he wanted to do was go to sleep in Lu Han’s arms like he did every night, only tonight he would know that this was something wonderful and tangible, and he would have this feeling no matter what the next weeks brought. Tonight, Sehun reasoned, belonged to him and Lu Han. Their problems would all work out somehow.

(And he was right.)


	6. Hands Up and Touch the Sky

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Baekhyun-centric  
> Pairing: BaekYeol  
> Continuity—Chapters 2 through Post "At World's End"

The average age for a Guardian to enter their training is age 5. There are a few notable exceptions, of course. Tao and Kai especially stood out, having started at ages 2 and 3 respectively. There were those who started later as well, like Lu Han and Lay, but the delay in their training was due to a storm in the South which wiped a few miles of the railroad tracks. Even then, the Masters knew where the two of them were, and their families had already been notified that they would be retrieved as soon as possible, so they weren't all that special in the long run. In Baekhyun’s case, it wasn’t until he was seven that anyone had any idea where he was, and even then they had a hard time getting to him.

Much like Tao and Kai, Baekhyun had displayed his affinity at an early age. By age three, he had met the standard for all 10 Cannons, and that was when the Leaders of his city got an idea. The city was in debt to those around it, and they needed a way to pay back what they owed. Until then, the surrounding areas responded by cutting off a lot of the people’s supplies. When it was discovered that they had a budding Guardian in their midst, the Leaders decided to ransom Baekhyun to the Sanctuary, and to keep word of his presence from getting out, they whisked him off to a secure location and locked him up.

Three of the Ten Cannons are that Guardians show high intelligence at an early age, they are more independent than other children their age, and often they are outright rejected by their peers and sometimes their own parents. It was hardly a surprise to anyone that the solitude suited Baekhyun just fine, even more so because the Leaders supplied him with basically anything he could want—and all he wanted was books and a comfy chair to read them in.

When Baekhyun was six, the Masters sent word to the previous Guardians that they were minus one. For over a year there was a massive search effort, and just as it seemed as though every boy on the planet would have to be given an affinity test, Baekhyun’s city came forward an announced that they had the child, but they would not give him up without a fight.

The thing is though, you don’t barter with the Guardians of the Tree of Life, especially not for one of their own. The previous Generation quickly crushed any attempt to interfere with Baekhyun’s retrieval, and within a few weeks Baekhyun was off to the Northern Sanctuary to begin his training. It was...not a pleasant trip.

After years of confinement people half expected Baekhyun to be mentally and socially deficient, but Baekhyun had never been truly alone. He’d had teachers and guards, and he wasn’t especially unsociable. It did take quite a while for him to adjust to living with so many other people, though. He could sit through lessons, and thanks to all his reading he could hold his own against the other boys. Still, he didn’t like having to sit through meals with other people, nor did he want to play tag with Sehun and Kai or talk about his feelings with Suho. It got worse when the other four showed up and _they_ were now crowding into Baekhyun’s space. Sometimes he needed to go someplace quiet to be by himself.

Unfortunately when you live with eleven other boys, quiet was hard to come by and Baekhyun had to get more and more creative with where he hid himself. For the most part he was left to his own devices and the others didn’t bother him. Well, all but one anyway.

Baekhyun had a liking for high places, like roofs, towers and tree tops…but so did Chanyeol, and Chanyeol seemed to be allergic to the very idea of quiet.

“Look at those birds!” he’d shout in Baekhyun’s ear. “I wonder where they’re going…or better yet, where they’re coming from. Don’t you sometimes wish you could just take off and go somewhere, Baekhyun? Do you?”

“Not really,” Baekhyun would mutter, if he was feeling generous. Most of the time he stayed quiet, Chanyeol didn’t seem to notice either way.

“You don’t talk very much,” Chanyeol told him one day.

“You talk enough for the both of us,” Baekhyun retorted, miffed that Chanyeol had brought it up in the first place, as if he wasn’t already aware of the fact.

“That may be, but I don’t talk about what you would talk about if you did talk,” Chanyeol said.

Baekhyun stared at him. “Huh?”

Chanyeol sighed. “We’re different people, the things I talk about aren’t the same as the things you’d say. I want to know what you would say.”

“Nothing!” Baekhyun exploded. “I’d talk about nothing, because I have nothing to say!!”

And then he’d stormed away and shut himself up in his room.

That outburst didn’t deter Chanyeol from pursuing a conversation with Baekhyun, though. At some point—Baekhyun couldn’t remember when it was, but it was before they went to see the Tree—Baekhyun had decided that running was pointless and the best thing to do was give Chanyeol the conversation he so desperately wanted.

The result was that he found out he actually like talking. It felt good to have someone listen to him, even when sometimes he didn’t know what he was saying, and Chanyeol was the best listener Baekhyun could ask for. More and more often they found themselves in each other’s company, outside in the yard or under a window in the library. Baekhyun had never been quite comfortable with being touched, nothing beyond a brief hug anyway, but sometimes when he and Chanyeol sitting were next to each other he’d realize that their arms and legs were pressed together, or that they were almost holding hands. Baekhyun found that he liked being close with Chanyeol emotionally and physically.

One night when he was thirteen, Baekhyun woke up from a reoccurring nightmare and his room seemed to be pressing in on him, and he couldn’t seem to breathe deeply enough or focus on anything. Somehow he made his way to the Healer’s room, where Chanyeol was confined from another bout of what he personally dubbed “Fire Fever,” when his body temperature would skyrocket and he needed to be surrounded by ice packs so the bed wouldn’t accidentally catch fire. Kris was with him that night, but when Baekhyun poked his head in the room Kris seemed to understand that they needed to be alone and left without asking questions.

Chanyeol was sleeping fitfully, he kept whimpering and shifting around in the bed. Baekhyun tried to imagine what it would feel like if your skin was so hot it could set fire to sheets and was very glad he hadn’t been gifted with fire. Chanyeol cried out in his sleep and Baekhyun slipped into the bed next to him and wrapped an arm around his waist.

“I had the nightmare again,” Baekhyun whispered. He’d told Chanyeol he had nightmares but not what they were about. He hadn’t planned to, but Chanyeol had once said that he liked the sound of Baekhyun’s voice because it was calming, and right now Chanyeol needed calming and Baekhyun couldn’t think of anything to talk about other than his nightmare.

“I was being held back by something, I could never see what it was, and then suddenly it would push me forward, and pull me back again, and then forward and back again and again…” his voice caught in his throat and he choked back tears. “And I couldn’t do anything to get out. No matter how much I struggled or screamed it wouldn’t let me go and…I think I know why I have it.”

There was no holding back the tears now. “For years I was held in that room and all people thought of me was that I would be a good bargaining chip. They wanted to sell me or trade me for food, like I was some kind of object that they could just use for whatever they wanted. I thought it didn’t bother me, but now I kind of hate myself for letting them use me like that. I wonder if maybe I should have tried to fight them or run away, and then I wonder what good that would have done. I was just a kid, how could I have thought that I could do anything to them? It’s such an awful feeling, Chanyeol. I hate feeling like this.”

Baekhyun broke off in tears and hid his face in Chanyeol’s shoulder. He didn’t even register that Chanyeol had gone absolutely still.

The next morning Baekhyun woke up to Chanyeol’s face inches away from his. Their legs were tangled under the sheets and Chanyeol had one hand resting on Baekhyun’s face.

“I’d hate feeling like that too,” he whispered.

Baekhyun was confused for a moment before he remembered what had happened the night before. His eyes widened and he gasped. “You heard that?” He squeaked.

Chanyeol nodded and Baekhyun felt himself blush and he buried his face in the sheets.

“I thought you were asleep,” he explained, spitting out a mouthful of cotton when he was done.

Chanyeol made a grossed-out noise and tugged on Baekhyun’s hair. “Quite drooling on my blankets and look at me,” he said playfully. Baekhyun sheepishly peeked out from under the sheet.

“I’m glad you told me,” Chanyeol said, “Because now I can tell you that those people were fucking stupid.”

Baekhyun gasped. Suho and Kris were very clear that they weren’t to curse. Chanyeol ignored Baekhyun’s whispered exclamation of his name.

“They were stupid to look at you in that way and even stupider to underestimate you. I think you’re brilliant, Baekhyun. If I’d been there I would have broken you out of that room. I would have helped you fight back.”

It meant more to Baekhyun than he could have ever let Chanyeol know, or so he thought. As time went on and their lives got crazier, Baekhyun had almost forgotten the moment.

* * *

It came back to him years and years later, when he and Chanyeol were lying side-by-side on a new planet— _their_ new planet, staring up at the sky while in the distance Suho and Xiumin were trying to cook over an open fire and general chaos reigned over the rest of their brothers.

“Say, Chanyeol?” Baekhyun said suddenly when the memory hit him like a lightening blot.

“Hm?” Chanyeol asked, busy tracing the stars with the hand not twined with Baekhyun’s fingers.

“Remember that night in the hospital, when you said you would have helped me fight back?”

Chanyeol nodded and grinned. “Oh yeah…I was going to free you from your tower like a knight in shining armor.”

Baekhyun turned his body towards Chanyeol’s, keeping their hands together. Chanyeol’s profile was framed by the distant fire and when he glanced in Baekhyun’s direction, Baekhyun felt his breath catch for how beautiful he looked, the glow of the fire and starlight catching his eyes and making his skin glow. Why had he never noticed how beautiful his friend was before?

“I never thanked you for that,” Baekhyun breathed.

Chanyeol smiled at him and stopped tracing the stars long enough to poke Baekhyun’s cheek. “It’s okay, you didn’t need to.”

Baekhyun caught Chaneyol’s other hand in his own and brought it to rest between them. The grin half slipped from Chanyeol’s face, and he looked a little confused.

“I didn’t thank you,” Baekhyun told him, only now realizing it himself, “Because I didn’t know how.”

Chanyeol seemed to realize what Baekhyun was doing the second before their lips touched, and he leaned forward and caught Baekhyun’s mouth, moving with him in perfect synchronization.

“I didn’t know it was possible to go your whole life not realizing how badly you’ve always wanted a person,” Chanyeol gasped against Baekhyun’s mouth a few minutes later. Baekhyun was about to agree with him when he felt a sharp pain in his shoulder.

“Ouch, what the hell?” He cried, sitting up.

Kai was standing a few feet away from them, tossing another rock up in the air and catching it. “Get a room, you lovebirds!” He hollered before throwing the rock at Chanyeol this time.

Chanyeol thought it was the funniest thing he’d ever heard, of course, and he fell backwards laughing hysterically. Baekhyun flipped Kai off and turned his attention to the boy giggling in the dirt. Chanyeol looked up at him, eyes full of starlight. Baekhyun leaned down and kissed his throat, making Chanyeol’s laughter break off in a whine.

“Let’s go find a room,” he suggested. Judging by the way Chanyeol hauled Baekhyun up and took off running, nearly pulling his arm out of its socket in his haste, he thought it was a pretty good idea.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original notes:  
> Yeah I debated throwing the BaeYeol into the party. I kind of alluded to it a bit in chapter 6—and by a bit I mean you have to squint, tilt your head thirty seven degrees to the left and really put your BL goggles on to see it (Hint: It was on the train). But alas they are my third OTP after HunHan and Taoris (none of that last one in here, though. cough as of yet cough.). So I had to throw them in. POST FIC BECAUSE I DO WHAT I WANT.


	7. Love Will Find a Way

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kai-centric  
> Continuity: Pre-Chapter 1 through Chapter 5 of "At World's End".  
> Warning: Yeah if Kai’s involved there’s gonna be angst :| Get your tissues ready.

Jongin had a very rough start to his life. His mother all but abandoned him from the time of his birth—he lived with her, but he knew that if he cried or tried to go near her, she’d run away from him. She never touched him, she never spoke to him in a tone that wasn’t condescending or cold, and she barely looked at him. He wondered if it was due to depression, because his father had died not long before he was born. Or maybe she’d always been a cold person to everyone, nobody ever came to their house. Maybe she just hated him.

Whatever the reason, Jongin learned to survive on his own pretty much from the time he was born. Sometimes he wondered if he developed his affinity as a means of survival, because for sure being able to teleport at age two made it easy for him to steal clothes and food without getting caught. He got away with it for about a year, and then his mother caught him reappearing in the kitchen in a flash of black smoke. She’d yanked up his shirt and gasped when she saw the mark on his chest, and that was the first time Jongin ever saw his mother smile. She had been genuinely happy to know that he was Gifted, he thought it was because she now had a legal way to get him out of her house.

Jongin came to live at the Northern Sanctuary when he was three and a half, along with Kyungsoo. Minseok, Jongdae, Chanyeol and Joonmyun already lived there. It was soon after they arrived that there was a renaming ceremony for Jongin and Joonmyun, after which they became Kai and Suho.

Kai had liked his new name, but that was about it. Living in the Sanctuary meant he had to start listening to people, but he never had anyone tell him what to do a day in his life. He resented anyone who tried to make him do anything he didn’t feel like doing, and he fought tooth and nail against the matrons and teachers. Suho was the one who wound up taking responsibility for Kai, and made him get up at a certain time, eat with everyone else, wear shoes, wash up…all the things Kai should have learned from his mother. Part of Kai resented Suho for what he did, because Suho had no business caring for him like a parent. Kai thought all parents were like his mother—deep down they really didn’t care. The other part of him wanted nothing more than to cling to Suho every minute of every day, and to follow his orders and make him proud. But he thought doing that would only make it hurt more when Suho eventually turned his back on him.

One of the only things Kai liked about moving to the Sanctuary were the books. He taught himself to read when he was still very young, because he had to know what food he was stealing, but also because he was very bored as a child. Kai was his only friend for the first three years of his life—he craved mental stimulation the same way the other guardians did, and once they came together they had it, but until then all they had was themselves, and so they had each learned from a young age how to fill the gap that was left when they were rejected by their peers. For Kai, it had been books. He became fascinated by medical books in particular, because he found the subject matter intriguing. As he grew older psychology books would also pull him in, but that was because he was old enough to understand that he had a problem, and they gave a name to it—abandonment issues.

Kai would struggle with this problem for most of his early life, well after he reached Maturity. After the Southern Guardians came to live with them, Kai got a little better. He mostly thanked Kris for that, because Kris’ style of “parenting” or “leading” was vastly different from Suho’s. Suho liked to hover and to correct Kai’s behavior as it happened. Kris was more of the mindset that mistakes were lessons, and he let Kai make mistakes and learn from them. Mostly Kai would learn that Suho and Kris were right and he should’ve listened to them. Suho saw that Kris’ way worked and followed his example, and that was when Kai stopped thinking of Suho like a parent and more like an older brother. He still pushed back and fought Suho occasionally, but now it was less hostile and more of him just being a brat.

It also helped that Sehun, his friend since he came to the Sanctuary, started hanging out with Lu Han (crazy as it seemed) because from that Kai learned that one could divide their time and attention between two people and love them both equally. It also opened him up to interact with people who weren’t Sehun, Suho or Kris, and he became friends with the other Guardians. He still struggled with accepting Suho’s authority though.

He only started to really appreciate Suho after the incident in the woods. It had easily been the most terrifying event in Kai’s life, and he wasn’t used to being afraid of anything. Fear had never had a place in his vocabulary until that moment, and now that it seemed to overtake him and control his every move Kai didn’t know what to do with himself. That was when Suho’s coddling and constant attention came in handy. Suho never left Kai and Tao alone for very long after that, especially since Kris had been preoccupied. The event brought Kai closer to Suho and really made him grateful that his leader was so gentle and loving.

The night of the incident, Suho had announced that Tao would be sleeping with him that night, and he’d asked Kai if he wanted to stay in his room too. Kai shook his head and declared that he could sleep in Lu Han and Sehun’s room, in his own bed like he usually did.

“Okay,” Suho told him, and later he took Kai to his room, tucked him in, told him goodnight and walked out of the room. Kai stayed very still in his bed for about five seconds before he leapt up and ran out of the room after Suho, crashing into him and throwing his arms around his waist before bursting into tears.

“I can’t do it,” Kai told him almost incoherently. “I’m sorry, I just can’t.”

Suho had hugged him tightly and let him cry into his shirt. “You don’t have to be sorry,” he whispered. “It’s okay to need someone, and it’s okay if you’re afraid. You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to, but if you do someday then I’ll always be here for you.”

“You promise?” Kai asked tearfully.

Suho brushed tears from Kai’s face and kissed his forehead. “Always,” he promised.

* * *

The crash landing on Earth tore apart any kind of progress Kai had made in dealing with his issues. Living alone on a foreign planet with one of his best friends broken beyond repair and the other one consumed with grief had thrust Kai into a position of leadership that he was not ready to handle. The most he’d ever been responsible for was himself, and he could not deal with two other lives in his hands. In the beginning Kai had been so convinced that they would be rescued, that it was only a matter of time before Suho or Kris or Baekhyun or Lay came running into their camp. But days and weeks went by, and Kai’s mantra of ‘They will come, they will come,’ turned into ‘They’re never going to come.’

He still remembered that night with Suho, and he thought himself a fool to believe that it had been true. Everyone leaves, he thought to himself. There was no always, no forever; not even for the Guardians.

It was unbelievably hard when Kai saw Kris and Tao and later Lay, Chen and Baekhyun for the first time. He could forgive Kris and Tao when he’d learned they had been essentially imprisoned, but in his mind there was no excuse for the other three, who had been roaming the world freely for eight years. Even after finding out that they had been on the other side of the planet, Kai had no sympathy for them, because to him, they had it easy. They could never fully appreciate what he had gone through, what it had been like to see Lu Han, once a genius, unable to feed himself. Or to watch bright, curious Sehun cry endlessly at the prospect of losing the one he’d loved.

He treated Lay, Chen and Baekhyun very coldly for the first week and he took a sick kind of pride seeing the hurt on their faces when he did. He wanted them to feel as hurt and betrayed as he had, only then could he forgive them and move on with his life. One night, Kris pulled him aside and told him it had to stop.

Kai laughed in his face. “You think you have any right to tell me what to do after what I’ve been through?” He spat.

Kris didn’t even flinch. “Yes, because it’s not my fault. Nor is it anyone else’s.”

Kai growled at him. “So it’s my fault, then?”

“No, of course not. It’s nobody’s fault, Kai. I’m so sorry that it happened to you, believe me if I could trade places with you—”

“Don’t you dare!” Kai shrieked. “Don’t you even say that, because it won’t help anything. You can’t trade places with me and you can’t change what happened and _you can’t make me feel better_!”

Kai stood there with tears in his eyes, his heavy breathing on the verge of turning into sobs. Kris didn’t move.

“You’re right,” he agreed. “I can’t make this better. I can’t make you better, or Lu Han, or anyone else here,” Kris’ voice broke and he paused for a moment. “But you’re not going to help yourself in the long run by making your friends lives miserable. All you’re going to do is chase them away—”

“Stop it,” Kai muttered.

“And then you’ll be all alone—”

“Shut up!” Kai yelled, hands over his ears. To his surprise, Kris actually stopped talking. Kai hesitantly took his hands away and looked up, and he saw that Kris was crying.

“I can’t make you feel better,” he repeated. “And it kills me every single time I look at you and I see how much you’ve suffered. And I am so, so sorry that I can’t help you.” Tears trickled down Kris’ cheeks and he made no move to brush them away or try to stop them. “Every night I fall asleep trying to think of ways that I can fix you and Lu Han and Sehun, and then I think of everyone else and how they’ll be in a similar situation…don’t you understand, Kai? You may have had the most obvious loss but we’ve all gone eight years without being a whole group. We’ve never been separated for that long. Yes, Lay, Chen and Baekhyun have no idea what you’ve been through but they’ve imagined it every day for the last eight years. They are hurt too, we’re all hurting. And there’s nothing that anyone can do to make it go away, and that is the part that kills me because it’s my job to make sure you’re all okay and I failed. I failed everyone and I am sorry that it wasn’t me who was stranded with Lu Han and Sehun, I am sorry that I couldn’t stop the ship from crashing, I am sorry that I couldn’t stop the darkness from consuming our home and there are a hundred thousand other things I’m sorry for. But being sorry isn’t going to help anymore, Kai. It’s not going to fix anything.”

Kris stopped because he was crying too hard to continue and Kai wasn’t much better at this point. They somehow wound up clutching each other and sobbing into each other’s shoulders, even after they’d calmed down they didn’t let go.

“We can’t keep being sorry,” Kris muttered, his voice scratchy. “At some point we have to forgive each other and forgive ourselves. We are all we have left, and we can’t lose each other again.”

Kai inhaled shakily and forced himself to think about what Kris had said in a logical manner.

“Okay,” he whispered. “I get it now. I understand…and you’re right.”

Kris pulled back and smiled at Kai. “You are so brave,” he whispered. “I’m really proud of you for that. And no matter how you behave or how messed up you think you are, I’ll always love you. We all will.”

Kai could literally feel the years of hurt and anger slipping away from him. He leaned his forehead into Kris’ shoulder and for the first time in a long time he reminded himself that he had a family, he had eleven other boys who would stay with him no matter what, and even when they were away from him they never stopped thinking about him and loving him.

“I know,” he whispered, and for the first time he believed it.


	8. Bright Future

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kris-centric  
> Continuity: Post "At World's End"

Kris was beginning to wonder if the Tree of Life had some kind of vendetta against him, giving the affinity of Flight to this child.

“You are going to fall,” Kris growled. “You are going to fall and break something vital, and I will have no pity for you whatsoever.”

She was clinging to the chandelier, hanging on like a little monkey, and below her was a good 20-foot drop. She might actually break her neck if she did fall.

“I’ll come down when you admit that you were wrong about me not being able to handle actual flights yet,” she hollered down.

“This isn’t funny,” Kris yelled at her. “You’re not ready and I’m not going to tell you otherwise! Now get down here before that thing rips out from the ceiling!”

“No!” She screamed.

The yelling brought Suho down the hall, and he sighed when he saw the predicament. She’d been getting herself into more and more situations like this, with Kris inevitably having to come to her rescue just like he told her he would have to.

“Why don’t you just let her fall for once?” He muttered, lowly so she wouldn’t overhear them. “If she gets hurt once she’ll learn her lesson and never do it again. You let Kai make those kinds of mistakes all the time.”

“Only when there was no chance that he’d be seriously injured!” Kris cried, on the verge of a panic attack. “If it wasn’t so high I would, trust me, but if she falls from up there she could break a wing! I’d go fly up and get her myself but it’s really narrow and my wings are too big, I might knock her down.”

“I can get down myself!” She promised. “I got up here and I can get back down.”

Kris resisted the urge to scream from frustration. She’s so unbelievably stubborn, he’s never met someone as hardheaded and unwilling to budge as she is, not even Kai comes close. Sometimes he wondered if she developed her affinity out of sheer stubbornness, since they told her the only way she could come to the Sanctuary like her big sister was if she either worked there or matched with the Ten Cannons, and she’d been four at the time so she couldn’t exactly get a job. He’d never heard of more than one child from the same family developing an affinity, but then he supposed there was a first time for everything.

He turned his attention back to her. “Landing is much harder, especially when you don’t have a lot of room such as right now!” He yelled up.

“You did this last week!”

“I have also been flying for centuries and I have more experience than you!”

Suho winces and covers his ears. “The two of you,” he sighs. “What is it about her that makes you so crazy?”

“I wish I knew,” Kris almost whines. “I really wish I knew.”

Actually, he kind of does know. It’s true that he practically raised Tao, and he had quite a hand in Kai and Sehun’s upbringing as well, and he’s never met someone who makes him as crazy as this little girl does. But, he kind of has a feeling that it’s something to do with the fact that he pictures her more as his child than he did the others. She came to them at age four, and he’s been caring for her ever since. She’s probably the closest thing he’ll ever have to a daughter, as it’ll be her job to train the next Generation. He just doesn’t want to see her get hurt.

“Teach me to fly!” She screamed. The light fixture groaned under her weight and Kris had a horrifying image of the thing crashing to the floor, pinning her under it.

“Okay!” He yelled. “Okay, I’ll teach you to fly!”

She grinned at him smugly and looked around. After a few seconds she started to look a little uneasy.

“You have no idea how to get down, do you?” Kris deadpanned.

“I do know!” She insisted. “I totally do!”

And just because she was stubborn like that and wanted to prove her point no matter what the cost was, she let go.

Kris knew instantly that she would not land properly—she was flapping her wings too much without opening them widely enough, she wasn’t getting enough air and she was going to drop like a stone. Without even thinking he shot into the air and caught her fifteen feet up, and he opened his wings like a parachute to slow their fall. Kris tucked her head under his chin and when the ground got close enough he ducked and rolled, slamming his shoulder into the stone floor hard enough to bruise but otherwise he was uninjured.

He sat up cradling her in his lap and pushed her back so he could peer into her face. “Are you alright?” He demanded, running his hand over the back of her head to see if she’d hit it. “Are you hurt?”

“I’m fine,” she whined petulantly, shoving his hand away. He had a moment of pure relief before the anger kicked in. He hadn’t felt this kind of fear mixed with anger and relief since Tao…he forced himself not to think about it.

“Good!” He yelled, startling her. “Because you are grounded for the rest of the year, Krystal! By the Tree, do you have any idea what could have happened to you?! If you ever try that again so help me I will never let you out of my sight again!”

Krystal gaped at him. “You can’t ground me, you promised you’d teach me to fly!” She yelled, and he knew she was seconds away from tears.

“I will teach you to fly,” he vowed, refusing to be swayed. “After you finish your punishment.”

She punched him in the arm. “You’re mean,” she sobbed. “You’re so mean and unfair…you won’t even let me try!”

Kris sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “I know you think this is unfair, but I know what I’m doing.”

Krystal only cried harder. Suho came up behind them and laid a hand on Kris’ shoulder. “Perhaps you should take this somewhere else,” he suggested.

Kris knew the older girls would be getting out of their lesson soon, and he didn’t want Krystal taking off with them, so he decided to take Suho’s advice. He scooped Krystal up and carried her to the first place he could think of—the kitchen.

Chen was in there with the matrons, supervising dinner preparations. He took one look at the pair of them and ordered everyone to clear out. He dropped a bowl, spoon and the ice cream on the table on his way out.

“Alright then,” Kris sighed, sitting Krystal down on the table so he could scoop some ice cream out for her. “I’m going to tell you a story, and you’re going to listen to me. No interruptions, no rolling your eyes and no jumping to conclusions. Got it?”

He handed her the bowl. She hiccupped and nodded, pressing her lips shut.

“When I was just learning to fly,” Kris told her, “I fell and I broke my wing.”

Even hundreds of years later the memory gave Kris chills, and it wasn’t something he liked thinking about much less talking about.

“I was supposed to be hopping—that’s when you fly short distances, birds hop from branch to branch, I had a set of platforms that were slightly elevated. It was about the third day, and I misjudged the distance between two of the platforms. It wasn’t that high off the ground, and had I been an ordinary person I wouldn’t have gotten hurt. But I did get hurt, and I was lucky my teachers were with me, because if they hadn’t been able to get help for me as fast as they did, my wing might have been damaged forever.”

He thought of telling Krystal about the flash of terror he felt when he heard the bones his wing snap, or the blinding agony seconds after it happened, and later having to have his bones rebroken because by the time he got to the healers, they’d already started to heal the wrong way. Worse yet had been the feeling of being stranded on the ground for weeks after it happened while the tissue around his bones healed. But the point of the story wasn’t to scare her—not yet, he could do that later if this didn’t work.

“But we can’t—” Krystal blurted, and Kris put a finger to her lips.

“We can’t die,” he reminded her, “But we can be maimed. You know what happened to Lu Han, don’t you? He didn’t die, but he’s not 100% okay either. He never will be.”

Krystal bit her lip and turned her head, but Kris put his fingers under her chin and made her look at him.

“I am not telling you this to scare you into never flying,” he promised, “I am telling you this because I want you to know that you are not invincible. Guess how old I was when that happened,” he ordered.

“Eight?” She asked.

Kris shook his head. “I was twelve.”

Krystal gasped. She was only six.

“I have to wait six years?” She wailed. “But I want to fly!!”

“I know you do,” Kris assured her. “Believe me, I do. When you find out you can fly, it’s all you can ever think about, it’s all you want to do. But you need to be patient and let your affinity finish developing. Flight is different from the other affinities, because it involves a drastic change in your body. You know how your bones are still hollowing? Right now you are too heavy to fly properly. I know you think you can,” he said loudly as she tried to talk over him, “But right now your flight is sloppy and loud, and if you learn now all you’ll learn is how to flap your wings loudly and careen all over the place.”

Krystal sighed and pouted. “But _six years_ ,” she protested.

Kris held up his hand. “I didn’t say you had to wait that long. Your wings came out a lot sooner than mine did, I was nine when they finally made their appearance. Your body will probably adjust faster than mine did, but I can’t promise you that.”

She looked like she was about to cry again, so Kris hurried on. “That doesn’t mean that I can’t try to teach you a bit of the basics,” he compromised. “That way when you are ready to fly, you’ll be able to skip _a little bit_ of the beginner’s stuff and move on to the more advanced things _a little_ faster.”

Krystal considered the offer for a moment before she shrugged. “Alright,” she relented. “I guess it’s better than nothing.”

Kris breathed a sigh of relief. “And you have to promise me you’ll listen to me and do whatever I say,” he told her sternly. “No more clinging to the ceiling, no more unsupervised flights, and no more back talking.”

“Fine, fine,” she grumbled. “I’ll do whatever you want.”

Kris seriously doubted she’d do everything he wanted, but it was the best he was going to get, so he let her down off the table.

“Good, now go find Jessica and the other girls and play with them,” he ordered, pushing her in the direction of the door. “You’ve had enough for one day.”

‘ _And so have I_ ,’ he thought tiredly as she scampered off. He meandered upstairs to Tao’s room, not even bothering to knock. He staggered in and flung himself onto the bed where Tao was stretched out with a book, narrowly avoiding crushing Tao’s feet as he did so.

“So is she lying in a bed with several broken bones?” Tao asked cheekily.

Kris shoved him. “I am so glad I’ll never have to do this again,” he muttered into the mattress. “Once is enough, once is more than enough.”

Tao patted Kris’ head sympathetically. “Only about eighteen more years until she’s reached maturity and they’re all set with their affinities and we can kick them all out to go protect and serve the planet,” He reminded Kris.

“Eighteen years,” Kris groaned. “Assuming I don’t run away and become a hermit first.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original Notes:  
> Yay post-fic future Guardians nonsense!!! :D
> 
> And now you know the identities of two of the next Generation—Krystal Jung and Jessica Jung. Possibly that is all you will ever know because I’m still not feeling an actual sequel here. Just know that there would be 12 of them and no, and not all of them would be Girls’ Generation and f(x). Or maybe even from SM Entertainment. Because I do what I want.


	9. I'll Never Love You Any Less

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Suho-centric  
> Continuity: Chapter 2 of "At World's End"

Suho thinks that children might just be the most awful creatures in existence. He has never encountered another being anywhere that has the capacity to make one want to scream, cry, throw things and at the same time love it so much.

It started out easily enough—he was not the first to come to the Northern Sanctuary, that honor goes to Minseok. Suho, or Joonmyun as he’d been then, showed up almost a year later, along with Chanyeol and Jongdae. Back then they’d been five and four years old, none of them were looking for a leader and certainly not a parent because in their experience, parents hadn’t been anything good.

Then Jongin showed up and everything changed. Three and a half years old and a wild child in every sense of the word. He’d terrified Kyungsoo the first time they met on the train, and then he terrified shy little Jongdae at the Sanctuary almost right away. The three older boys had decided that Jongin needed a guiding force to help him adjust to his new life, but Minseok couldn’t command that kind of authority and Chanyeol just wasn’t old enough. That left Joonmyun the only one who stood a chance, and he accepted the job without complaint, not knowing what he was getting himself into. He assumed his responsibility on the day of his renaming ceremony, figuring is was fitting since his new name meant ‘Guardian’.

It wasn’t easy to be in charge of Kai, it was even harder to be in charge of Kai and Sehun, and once Suho asserted leadership over the two of them it seemed like he asserted leadership over all the other Guardians-to-be. Being catapulted into that position had made Suho realize that there were an infinite number of things that could go wrong on his watch. He used to wake up in cold sweat from nightmares about his kids falling into abandoned wells or getting their fingers crushed in doors. He’d watch Chanyeol jump from steps two feet high up and picture him slipping and crashing to the floor. He’d lose sight of Sehun for two minutes and wonder if he’d run off and gotten lost. Kai would refuse to eat dinner and Suho would be terrified that he’d starve. He could have filled a book with things beyond his control that could harm or even kill his kids—high fevers, falling rocks, poisonous berries, wild animals, it went on and on.

The worst part was that he made himself bear the brunt of that stress alone. It wasn’t like he could tell his kids what they were doing to him, that he was losing sleep over things like rusty nails in someone’s foot and lightning strikes. Even though he didn’t say anything though, sometimes it seemed like his boys went out of their way to give him grey hair.

* * *

“Chanyeol!” Suho shrieked. “Don’t you even think of it!”

Chanyeol paused with his foot halfway in the river. “But I’m hot,” he whined. “I want to go swimming!”

Suho ran over and flailed his hands in Chanyeol’s direction muttering “Leeches, leeches, leeches,” under his breath until he backed away from the water. Suho turned around and gasped.

“Sehun! Kai! Put those sticks down before you poke your eyes out!!”

Kai stuck his tongue out and when Sehun jabbed at him again, he fell to the ground clutching his arm and screaming in pain.

Suho’s heart leapt to his throat and he dashed over. “I told you! I tried to warn you and you didn’t— _why are you laughing you brat_?!”

Kai removed his hands and flashed Suho a toothy grin. “I was just playing! You’re so easy to fool, Suho-ah.”

Suho curled up on the forest floor and groaned quietly. “Why me?”

* * *

Suho took in the sight of the kitchen floor, laden with mousetraps, and the five boys trapped in the center of the room.

“Where did you get all of these?” He asked tiredly.

Chanyeol fidgeted. “We found them in the attic,” he muttered sheepishly. Kyungsoo caught Suho’s murderous glare and hid behind Chanyeol.

Suho pinched the bridge of his nose. Behind him, Minseok elbowed a giggling Baekhyun in the ribs. “And why, why in the name of the Tree, did you think you needed nearly two hundred traps to catch one mouse, who by now has probably fled the Sanctuary?”

Sehun pouted and Jongdae started to cry. “It wasn’t my idea!” He yelled tearfully. “Kai made me!”

Kai rounded on Jongdae. “I did no such thing! You had free will to say no—”

“You said if I didn’t help you were gonna—”

“Will the two of you kindly shut up!” Suho cried. He turned to Minseok and Baekhyun. “Get me a broom, a bucket and a fire poker. And some gauze, there’s no way I’m getting out of here with all my fingers intact.”

Later that night he counted himself lucky that at least it was his own finger that had been snapped by the traps and not little Sehun’s.

* * *

Seven boys knelt in front of Suho, all of them soaking wet and covered in mud.

“Do you listen when I talk? Huh? Are you all deaf?” Suho fumed at them. “I swear, sometimes you only hear me when I yell. Do you think I like yelling?”

“Well it’s all you ever do,” Kai muttered.

“IF YOU WOULD JUST LISTEN TO ME ONCE IN A WHILE!” Suho thundered. “Just ONCE I would like to feel like I’m not talking to a brick wall! Is it too much to ask for you to listen to me and do as I say? I don’t ask a lot from you, I really don’t!”

They had apparently decided that it was a good night to catch frogs, despite the fact that it was raining and dark and Suho had expressly forbidden them from going out because the doors were going to be locked soon. But that hadn’t stopped them and sure enough, they’d been locked out and Suho had needed to come downstairs and sneak them back in.

“Do you enjoy driving me crazy? Or is it just in your nature to give the people around you a hard time? Do you know what, next time I’m not even going to help you.” He decided that on the spot, but now that he said it and saw their shocked faces, he decided to go with it. “Next time I’m going to leave you out there all night, and in the morning you can explain to the Head of the Sanctuary yourself why you were out past your curfew, and when you’re punished don’t even think of crying to me because I am officially _done_. Do you understand me now?”

He stood in front of them, breathing hard. They were all wide-eyed and pale, and they nodded frantically.

* * *

It was far too quiet in the Sanctuary, Suho thought to himself. Something was definitely wrong.

He stalked through the library, looking for anything that seemed off, but everything looked normal. He inspected the hallways for string traps, the doors for buckets of spiders rigged to fall on the next person who opened them, all the bathrooms for frogs and came up empty handed. It had already been a week since his tirade, the lot of them should have snapped back to their usual trickster selves.

“Something is not right,” Suho muttered. Someone should have been yelling at Kai, or making sensitive Jongdae cry. Sehun should have been coerced into hiding something important, and someone should have been—

“Of course,” Suho gasped, hitting himself on the head. He took off for the bedrooms.

Suho paused outside of every door and listened for voices, and finally when he got to Baekhyun and Kyungsoo’s room he heard them.

“Hold the light steady, damnit!”

“You wimp, give Kai the light then if you can’t look.”

“It’s really bad,” someone muttered, sounding like they were crying. It was Kyungsoo, Suho realized. “We should tell Suho.”

“Do really want to get scolded again?”

“Shut up all of you! I can’t concentrate if you’re distracting me!”

“Distracting you from what?”

Everyone jumped and turned around. There was a collective gulp as they all saw Suho leaning against the door frame. Chanyeol shuffled in front of Kyungsoo, who was lying on his bed. They all seemed to be trying to hide him.

Suho looked them all over. Jongdae had green stains on his pants, Sehun had leaves in his hair and they were all sweaty and covered in cobwebs.

“Let me guess,” Suho sighed. “You went to go pick berries, didn’t you?”

There was a berry patch up the mountain, and it was notoriously difficult to get to. You had to crawl through an old drain that was filled with spiders, go through a patch of low-hanging tree branches, and crawl across an old log that was precariously balanced over a dry riverbed, now filled with slabs of rocks. The last time they’d gone, Suho had seen that the log was starting to rot and had told them that they couldn’t go that way anymore, but they hadn’t had time to look for an alternative route.

Caught in the act, they all nodded. Suho sighed and walked over the bed. The boys guiltily moved aside so Suho could get a look at Kyungsoo, who had gotten the rotten luck of being the one on the log when it collapsed.

The rocks had done quite a number on the right side of Kyungsoo’s body. His pants were ripped, showing still-bleeding cuts all over his leg, and his arm wasn’t much better. He was holding his side and Suho guessed he had a nasty bruise, and he sported a shallow scrape on his cheek.

“Did you hit your head?” Suho asked, running his fingers through Kyungsoo’s hair to check for bumps.

“No,” Kyungsoo muttered, avoiding Suho’s eyes.

Piled at the foot of the bed was a scissor, some gloves, a bunch of gauze and various disinfecting creams, and a flashlight. Suho scanned the cuts with the light, humming in relief when he saw that none of them had cut to the bone.

“You were lucky,” He told Kyungsoo as he used the scissor to cut away the leg of his pants. “And as for the rest of you,” they all flinched, but Suho went on calmly, “You forgot the hot water.”

Chanyeol whacked himself in the head. “Of course,” he muttered.

Suho made a shooing motion with his hands. “Go get it!” he demanded.

It took almost an hour for Suho clean the dirt from the scrapes and cuts, cover them in the creams and dress them in gauze. It wasn’t a pleasant experience, for him or the other boys, but especially not for poor Kyungsoo.

“Does it hurt that badly?” Suho asked when he finished and Kyungsoo’s shoulders were still shaking with silent sobs. He shook his head and clamped his lips together.

“What’s wrong then?” Suho demanded.

Kyungsoo took a shaky breath. “Just say it already,” he muttered.

Suho folded his arms. “Say what?”

“Aren’t you furious at us?” Kyungsoo whimpered.

Suho sighed and rubbed his hands over his face. “Did anyone else get hurt at all?” He asked, looking over the other six boys crowded on Baekhyun’s bed.

Sehun had scraped his hands and Chanyeol and Minseok had sore arms from carrying Kyungsoo back to the Sanctuary, but otherwise they were unharmed.

“Then right now I’m just really, really glad that you’re all okay,” Suho told them.

They all gaped at him. “But you said next time we got in trouble you weren’t going to help us!” Baekhyun cried. “We thought—”

“I know what I said,” Suho interrupted. “And yes I am miffed that you ignored me. Again,” he threw in pointedly, “But I’d say that it could have been a lot worse, wouldn’t you agree?”

He moved to sit next to Kyungsoo and gave him a gentle hug. “You didn’t break anything, right?” Kyungsoo shook his head. “And by tomorrow morning you’ll be up and walking around just fine. Nobody but us needs to know that this happened.”

Kyungsoo clung to Suho and cried into his shirt. “I’m sorry,” he hiccuped. “We all are.”

Suho patted his back. “It’s okay,” he assured. “I know you’re sorry.”

He felt a tug on his sleeve. Sehun was standing next to him looking rather tearful himself.

“Do you wish you didn’t have us anymore?” He asked. Behind him the other boys waited on baited breath for an answer.

Suho sighed and freed one arm from Kyungsoo so he could hug Sehun.

“Listen to me very carefully, all of you,” he said firmly, looking each one of them in the eye in turn.

“Sometimes all I can think about is all the different ways you can get into trouble. You’ve given me heart palpitations, grey hair and more stress than I’ll ever admit to and you drive me crazy. But even though you act like little terrors, you’re _my_ little terrors. I love you all so much, and at the end of the day nothing you do will ever make me love you any less. I wouldn’t trade you for anything.”

Kai stomped his foot. “You’re such a sap,” he yelled before dissolving into tears.

Suho laughed and called them all over for a group hug, which lasted only a very brief second before he pushed them all away because they were going to break the bed if they weren’t careful.


	10. Love is Patient

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lu Han-centric  
> Continuity: Post-At World's End

On a good day, Lu Han can tell a story from their childhood, recall everything from how old he and Sehun were, to the side the moss grew on their favorite climbing tree. On a bad day, he was lucky to remember what Planet they were on now.

The Tree of Life could offer no explanation for why his memory function fluctuated like it did. Every morning Sehun woke up wondering which side of Lu Han’s brain he would get that day. He was still brilliant, there was no doubt about that. Even on his bad days he could solve a rubix cube in under two minutes, and Sehun made sure to always carry one with him wherever they went. He felt like in those times, Lu Han knew something was wrong, but he didn’t know what it was.

* * *

“Sehun?”

“Yes, Lu Han?”

“Do you really think we’ll ever go back home?”

Sehun turned over and laid his hand on Lu Han’s cheek. The twelve of them had discovered a very large house, and they’d been living in it for almost a month now. Sehun and Lu Han had taken over one of the nicer rooms—it had a window on the ceiling. The moon was full that night, and Sehun could see every line on Lu Han’s face. He traced the worried lines with his finger, willing them away.

“I think so.”

“But what will we find when we go there?” Lu Han wondered. “Everyone we knew is dead by now. Our families, our teachers…the Guardians would be the only ones left, and by now the Darkness will have warped their minds.”

Sehun smiled a bit sadly. “You know what we’ll find, Lu Han.”

“A race of people who have never known peace,” Lu Han muttered. “They won’t know who we are, they might even be hostile to us.

“But we faced the Darkness before and we lived,” Sehun reminded him, “And we know how it was stopped the last time. The Tree is thinking of a way that we can kill it for good, and that’s just what we’ll do.”

Lu Han sighed. “But if we do go back, what will become of this world?”

Sehun shrugged. “What do you think will happen?”

Lu Han considered the question for a moment. “I think we would come back.”

The answer surprised Sehun. “Why would you think that?”

“I don’t think that place was ever really our home,” Lu Han said thoughtfully. “Think back, did you ever feel like you belonged, even after you got to the Sanctuary?”

Sehun sifted through his memories. “I guess the only time I really felt at ease with my environment was when I was with you and the rest of our brothers.”

Lu Han nodded. “This place is exclusively ours. It will always be that way, even when other people start to pop up, it’ll be the place that we make. There won’t be any stiff rules regarding who you can see and when, or a set station that everyone needs to adhere to.”

Sehun pondered that for a moment, eventually smiling at Lu Han. “You’re right. It’s ours, it’s where we belong.”

Lu Han grinned and kissed Sehun gently. “I’m always right.”

* * *

Lu Han was staring intently at Chen from across the table. Sehun seemed to be the only one who noticed it, although that could have been because the Great Debate that had erupted over breakfast.

“The Loch Ness monster is an important creature!” Chanyeol insisted stubbornly. “I want to go make sure it’s okay!”

“It’s a myth!” Tao fired back. “We can’t go dragging our butts back across the ocean just because you want to go chasing down legends!”

“If it’s a legend then why did so many people believe in it?” Chanyeol countered.

Tao glared at him and brandished his spoon in his face. “Because they were nuts like you!! Baekhyun, do something about your boyfriend!”

“Not my job,” Baekhyun deadpanned.

Lu Han leaned in close to Sehun. “I thought _he_ was dating Chanyeol,” he whispered, motioning to Chen.

“That’s Chen,” Sehun whispered. “Baekhyun has a rounder face.”

“Chen,” Lu Han mused. “He’s not from the South, is he?”

Sehun shook his head. “No, he isn’t. He was renamed by the Guardians.”

Lu Han nodded, but he still looked perplexed. “Why would they do that?”

Sehun shrugged, but he knew Lu Han didn’t want an answer.

Five minutes later, Lu Han poked Sehun’s side.

“What’s his name? I thought _he_ was dating Chanyeol…”

Sehun smiled and shook his head. “That’s Chen. Baekhyun is dating Chanyeol.”

* * *

“You suffer a lot because of me, don’t you?”

Sehun gaped at Lu Han. The only other person in the room was Kai, and he glanced over at them and quickly pretended not to notice anything.

Lu Han looked at him sadly. “It can’t be easy for you…dealing with me when I’m having a bad day. I’m sure it gets tiring for you.”

Sehun shook his head, panic threatening to choke him. “That’s not true,” he gasped. “I…Lu Han I would never…how could you…”

Kai stood up and walked over to them. He sat down next to Lu Han and put a hand on his shoulder.

“We thought you were dead for a very long time, Lu Han,” He said gently. “Sehun would never think of you as a bother, because for you to even be able to speak right now is a miracle in and of itself.”

Lu Han looked ready to cry. “I’m not who I used to be,” he muttered. “I never will be again. I promised that would always be there for you, for whatever you needed and I can’t promise that anymore. I don’t know what I’ll be like tomorrow or the day after…” Tears slipped down his cheeks and he grasped at Sehun’s hand. “It terrifies me. What if something happens one day and I’m not there for you?”

Sehun gripped Lu Han’s hand tightly, the panic ebbing away. “No matter what happens, you should never think that my feelings for you have changed.”

“How could they not?” Lu Han sobbed, face in his hands. “How can you look at me and tell me that you don’t ever wonder what it would be like if I wasn’t like this? Don’t you blame me at all?”

Sehun just wanted to curl up in a corner and sob, because Lu Han was never supposed to feel like this. Kai, Suho, Kris…everyone had warned him that this conversation was coming, but he never wanted to believe it. He never wanted to think that Lu Han could ever feel that he was in any way unworthy of or beneath Sehun’s affection. Sehun was supposed to take better care of him than that.

Kai grasped Sehun’s shoulder firmly and Sehun shot him a panicked look. ‘I can’t do this,’ he mouthed.

Kai shook him a little. ‘You can,’ he mouthed back. ‘He needs you.’

Sehun took a deep breath and cupped Lu Han’s face in his hands, bringing him to look at him.

“Remember when I was younger and almost everything I said came out wrong?” He asked quietly.

Lu Han nodded, looking a bit confused.

“You stayed by me every day, and not once did you ever look down on me or make me feel like my disability made my opinion any less valuable than someone who didn’t take 20 minutes to get a sentence right. How is your problem any different from mine?”

“You were a child,” Lu Han cried. “Now you’re an adult and I’m an adult and I’m not supposed to need to be constantly reminded of Chen’s name and where we are, and I’m not supposed to make your life difficult!”

“But I still have that problem,” Sehun reminded him. “I still struggle with my speech to this day.”

“Rarely,” Lu Han retorted. “And you get better every day.”

“And who’s to say you won’t get better every day?” Kai demanded, startling them both. “You’ve already improved so much, Lu Han. Your episodes are getting more and more infrequent as the days pass. Furthermore, Sehun won’t give up on you because he _can’t_ give up on you. You didn’t give up on him, did you?”

Lu Han looked up at Sehun. “I just want to know that you aren’t doing this because you feel like you owe it to me,” he pleaded. “I know I nearly killed you before. I remember when you held that rock to your wrist to try to wake me up. I don’t want to make you suffer any more than you already have.”

Sehun felt his heart break. “Oh Lu Han,” he sighed. “That wasn’t your fault. None of this is your fault. You saved our lives when you moved those asteroids, how could I blame you for something like that?”

Sehun pulled Lu Han closer so he could hug him properly, arms around his shoulders and chests pressed together.

“I love you. I never stopped loving you and I never will. You’ll always be the best thing to ever happen to me.”

Lu Han sobbed into his shirt. “And you to me,” he managed. “I love you so much.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original notes:  
> kyu5671 gave me the idea for this drabble, suggesting a conversation with Lu Han when he was “recoverd-ish”. I thought it was a great idea and had been considering it for a while, and I figure it’s a nice way to celebrate the 10th drabble ^^


	11. You've Got a Friend in Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chanyeol-centric  
> Continuity: Throughout At World's End

When Chanyeol was three, he learned that he was the only friend he had. Rather be depressed, he found reasons to make himself happy. If he was his best friend and playmate, well, what could be more fun? There would never be an argument about what to play, nobody would fight him to be Captain of his pirate ship, and he never had to worry about being pushed over in a game of tag. Chanyeol had lots of fun by himself, and for a long time he was happy.

When he was five, Chanyeol tried to throw himself into the river behind his house because he felt like his skin was on fire. When the Matrons came to test him, Chanyeol found a new reason to be happy, because he wasn’t the only one who had a strange mark on his chest. He was also very glad that there was a reason behind his skin burning hot enough to fry an egg.

Okay, that was an exaggeration—his skin was never that hot, even though it felt like it.

Chanyeol was escorted to the Sanctuary along with Jongdae, who was as quiet and shy as Chanyeol was loud and outgoing.

“Why are you so happy all the time?” Jongdae asked him on the second day of their journey.

Chanyeol sat down and thought about his answer for a long time, almost a whole minute. “Well, why not?” He finally asked. “I like being happy.”

“Doesn’t anything make you upset?” Jongdae asked, seemingly awed.

Chanyeol thought again. “Yes, a few things…but right now I’m not upset. There’s times to be upset and there’s times to be happy, and since I’m not upset I might as well be happy!”

Jongdae smiled shyly. “That’s a good way to think of it.”

Chanyeol hugged him. “I like you,” he said. “You don’t talk much but when you do, you say nice things. We’re going to be friends.”

Jongdae gaped at him. “I’ve never had a friend before…” he admitted.

Chanyeol gasped. “Really?! What a coincidence, neither have I!!!”

The stared at each other for a few seconds. “So, if neither of us has ever had a friend, how do we know we’re friends? What do we do?”

Chanyeol tapped his finger against his chin. “I guess we make it up as we go along,” he finally decided.

It turned out that Jongdae would eventually get along with Minseok a little better—they were both on the quiet side and preferred reading and card games to wrestling in the mud and making up pirate songs, but that was okay with Chanyeol because both of them were still his friends. They found other things to do, like playing with stray cats and making up stories about the oddest things. Jongdae once made up a whole tale about how a vase in the classroom got cracked, involving a wizard named Root and a terrible rain storm. Joonmyun wrote it down and told it to Sehun and Jongin sometimes when they couldn’t sleep, they said it was the best story ever.

Sometimes Joonmyun would sit on the back steps of the Sanctuary and watch Chanyeol play by himself. He was never able to keep up with the speed of Chanyeol’s imagination, and trying tired him out. He needed to save his energy for dealing with “his babies,” as he called them. Chanyeol referred to them as “Joonmyun’s little duckling and not-at-all-terrifying kitten.” Jongin was the kitten.

“Why on earth is Kai the kitten?” Joonmyun— _Suho_ —once asked him.

Chanyeol launched into a very loud explanation. “Because kittens are like, ‘Look at me I’m a big, scary thing and I have sharp teeth and claws and I can hiss!’” Here Chanyeol imitated a kitten hiss. “And they think they’re so tough but really they’re just little balls of fluff that you want to cuddle and coo over and feed crickets to. But they rarely let you because tough kittens don’t like to be cuddled. Jon—Kai is a lot like that.” He paused thoughtfully. “But I don’t want to feed him crickets…no, I don’t think he’d like that.”

Chanyeol nodded and smiled brightly at Suho, who was staring at him open mouthed.

“You’re brilliant,” he finally said. “You are brilliant and funny and I love talking to you, don’t ever let anyone tell you aren’t brilliant, Chanyeol.”

Chanyeol nodded enthusiastically and picked up his sword (a tree branch) again, screaming at his opponent (a shrub) that he _will_ find the princess (a sparrow who hopped under the shrub and probably flew away while Chanyeol had been talking to Suho).

His only question was, who the heck would ever tell him he wasn’t brilliant?

* * *

“You’re stupid,” Baekhyun said nastily. “Go away and stop talking to me.”

Chanyeol looked on a little sadly as he ran off. “I’m brilliant,” he called. “Suho said so.”

Baekhyun didn’t look back. Chanyeol sighed and slouched off to find Suho.

“Why doesn’t he like me?” He whined. “We like all the same things! High places, birds, wrestling…we should be best friends but he doesn’t even like me.”

Suho patted his head sympathetically. “He will, he just needs time. He’s never had someone want to spend time with him like you do.”

Chanyeol pouted. “How much time?”

Suho shrugged. “Maybe years.”

Chanyeol nearly cried. It had been almost four years since Baekhyun had arrived at the Sanctuary. “But I want us to be friends now!!”

Suho sighed. “Well how did you become friends with Chen?”

Chanyeol flailed his arms. “We just sort of did, I don’t know!”

“Well whatever you did with Chen, do with Baekhyun.”

It wasn’t the best advice Suho had ever given him, but it was the only advice he had so Chanyeol took it and ran with it.

He found Baekhyun hiding in what had formerly been his secret hide out—a reading room in the north tower—he’d been too nice to kick Baekhyun out so now they both used it.

Baekhyun was sitting in a chair with his knees pulled up to his chest and his head down. Chanyeol marched up to him and pointed at him.

“We are friends,” he yelled. “And henceforth we shall act like friends. We will play pirate games and I will attempt to defeat you so that I may marry the fair sparrow Princess, and we will pull pranks on Kai when he makes Chen cry and we will coerce Kyungsoo into going along with crazy schemes and we will have fun together.”

Baekhyun looked up and Chanyeol dropped his hand. He had obviously been crying, and he looked utterly miserable.

“Get out.” Baekhyun said lowly.

Chanyeol stood his ground. “No.”

Baekhyun shot out of his chair and pushed him. “Get out!” He screamed, punching Chanyeol’s arms and chest. “I don’t need you! I don’t need anybody! I’ve never needed anybody and I’m not going to start now!!”

Baekhyun was too upset to put any real force behind his punches, and soon Chanyeol was able to grab hold of his wrists and make him stop.

“Why wouldn’t you want to need anybody?” He asked.

Baekhyun struggled in his grasp. “Because people are awful,” he cried. “They use you and they don’t really care about you.”

Chanyeol felt close to tears himself. “I care about you.”

“Why?!” Baekhyun yelled. “Why do you care? I’ve never been nice to you, you don’t owe me anything.”

Chanyeol turned around and sat in the chair Baekhyun had vacated, taking advantage of Baekhyun’s state to pull him down too. The chair was big enough for the two of them to sit side by side, with just enough room for Baekhyun to attempt to squirm away.

“I don’t want to care about you because I owe you anything,” Chanyeol explained. “I care about you because I like you and I like you because we’re friends.”

“Who are you to decide that we’re friends?” Baekhyun demanded.

“I’m me,” Chanyeol said, surprised. “Isn’t that enough?”

He was completely flabbergasted when Baekhyun cried even harder, but secretly pleased that he did so on Chanyeol’s shoulder.

At some point, Baekhyun stopped fighting Chanyeol’s attempts to be friends. It may have started that very afternoon when they were ten years old and Baekhyun cried on Chanyeol’s shoulder for the first time, it may have been several months after that. Neither of them knew and neither of them cared, because they were friends and that was all that mattered.

* * *

“You have the best timing in the world, you know,” Baekhyun told Chanyeol while he gasped on a bed in the Infirmary.

“I do?” Chanyeol asked.

Baekhyun gestured outside. “It’s going to rain all week, so this is the best time to be unable to do anything at all. You won’t miss out on any fun.”

Chanyeol smiled widely, completely distracted for a moment from the pain. “I really do have the best timing, don’t I?” And then he flinched and dug his nails into Baekhyun’s skin as the pain came back.

“Talk to me,” Chanyeol pleaded. “Say anything, just talk to me.”

Baekhyun stroked Chanyeol’s sweaty bangs off his forehead and placed a cool cloth on his skin. “The Sparrow Princess will be mine as soon as the rain stops and I can properly duel you for her hand.”

Chanyeol laughed hoarsely. “Her wing,” he corrected through his giggles. “We never decided how she got turned into a Sparrow, you know.”

Baekhyun spun an elaborate story for Chanyeol about a girl who looked like an angel and a jealous warlock who wanted to marry her. He gave her roses carved from diamonds and rare potions that would preserve her beauty forever and ever, and she sent all of them back because the warlock never gave her what she really wanted, which was true love. He was infuriated and turned her into a bird, and she had to watch her kingdom mourn her until she finally learned to fly. She now waited for a Prince, or a Guardian, to take her as his bride.

Chanyeol fell asleep halfway through the story, but Baekhyun kept talking. He hoped Chanyeol would be able to hear him while he was unconscious and his dreams would be about love and magic, instead of burning pain.

Two weeks later they went out to the bush where there little Sparrow Princess lived.

“Princess,” Chanyeol announced dramatically. “We are through fighting for your hand.”

Beakhyun nodded and got down on one knee. “We have decided that we will both marry you.”

Chanyeol followed Baekhyun and together they pushed the rings they made out of wire and beads under the bush.

“We will allow you to decide on your own who you wish to marry,” Chanyeol said, and they got up and walked back to the Sanctuary together, arms around each other’s shoulders.

The next day the rings were gone, and they never saw the little Sparrow again.

* * *

At fourteen years old they became too big to fit side-by-side in the chair in their hideout, but that didn’t stop them from trying it anyway. Usually it wound up that Baekhyun would drape his legs over Chanyeol’s lap (he maintained that Chanyeol was too heavy for the reverse) and their arms would get tangled and they’d constantly elbow each other “accidentally” in the ribs. It wasn’t perfect, but they didn’t mind.

“Do you think we freed her?” Chanyeol asked one day.

Baekhyun looked up from his book of maps. “The Sparrow Princess? That was just a story, Chanyeol.”

Chanyeol waves his hands around excitedly, nearly hitting Baekhyun in the face. “But what if we made it real? What if we imagined it into reality and she became a human?”

Baekhyun grinned and rolled his eyes. “You’re the single weirdest person I’ve ever met.”

Chanyeol smirked at him a little too smugly. “And yet you stick with me…so what does that make you?”

Baekhyun looked up and eyed Chanyeol seriously. “I guess I’m just as crazy as you are,” he admitted with a shrug. Chanyeol hugged him so hard they fall out of the chair.

“You bet you are!” He hollered in Baekhyun’s ear.

Baekhyun whacked him on the arm and shouted that if Chanyeol was going to tackle him he should have the decency to do so on something softer next time.

* * *

Baekhyun opened his eyes, a bit flustered and miffed at Chanyeol for pulling away so suddenly.

“What’s wrong?” He asked breathlessly, looking around. The house they were in at the moment wasn’t particularly sturdy, he wouldn’t be surprised if it crashed around them while they were making out.

Chanyeol grinned down at Baekhyun. “Don’t you remember? ‘Next time you tackle me, do so on something softer.’” He patted the mattress under Baekhyun, his grin turning into a smirk. “I’d say this is a lot softer than a stone floor.”

Baekhyun looked furious. “You stopped kissing me so you could brag about what a good memory you have?!” He yelped.

Chanyeol leaned down again and kissed his cheek. “What can I say? You’re cute when you’re flustered.”

Baekhyun blushed and socked Chanyeol on the arm. “You’re awful. Shut up and kiss me, I don’t want to hear you say another word unless you’re confessing your undying love for me.”

Chanyeol pretended to zip his lips and pressed his mouth to Baekhyun’s collar bones. “I love you my wonderful, flustered, insane—”

Baekhyun decided after that the best way to shut Chanyeol up was to do it himself.


	12. Welcome to Our Family Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> OT12  
> Continuity: Chapter 4 of "At World's End"

It’s never a simple thing when it involves all 12 of them doing something together as a family, but the thing is they have to do things together as a family, because that’s what they are—a family. And they needed to start acting like one, and the best way to do that was to force everyone to spend time together and hopefully have fun.

On a nice day in autumn, Suho and Kris planned to take the kids for a hike so they could admire the colors of the leaves. They wanted to leave after breakfast—an early breakfast—and so the first challenge was waking up.

Kris was not a morning person by any means, and Suho and Xiumin practically had to sit on him to make him get up. Once Kris had hauled himself upright, he and Suho knocked on everyone else’s doors and went to forcibly drag Kai and Lu Han out of bed. They shared a room with Sehun, who had no problems waking up and even tried to help wake up his roommates. Unfortunately, his cuteness only ever won over Lu Han.

“Lu Han!” Sehun whined, sitting on the older boy’s chest. “Sehun is hungry!!”

“D’you want me to feed you?” Lu Han mumbled.

“Yes! Yes!” Sehun cried, clapping his hands. Lu Han sat up and smiled sleepily at his little shadow.

“Okay, hyung will go eat with you.”

Watching them leave, Suho shook his head. “The only reason I haven’t told Lu Han that Sehun is old enough to feed himself is because he’d never get out of bed otherwise.”

Right after he said that, Lu Han’s pillow smacked him in the face, having been hurled by Kai.

“Get out,” he growled groggily. “Or I will bite you.”

Kris usually wound up piggy-backing a half asleep Kai into the dining hall, since he was the only one Kai would not cause bodily harm to, and Suho would attempt to force some kind of food into Kai.

Once they’d all eaten, they needed to go through the process of getting everyone dressed.

“Chanyeol,” Kris said patiently, “You cannot wear a toga hiking.”

Chanyeol looked scandalized. “It’s not a toga, it’s what all Princes wear when they go to meet the Sparrow Princess!!!”

Off to the side, Baekhyun rolled his eyes and muttered, “Crazy,” under his breath.

Kris shoved Chanyeol into the direction of his room. “It’s going to fall off of you and I won’t have you walking around the woods stark naked, do you understand me?”

Chanyeol pouted but went to change.

“Kris?” Suho called, “Can you work on getting Kyungsoo to put on his shoes? I’m kinda busy…”

Suho and Lu Han were trying to explain to Sehun that he could not wear white pants hiking, and Kyungsoo was glaring at his shoes like they were possessed.

Kris knelt down in front of Kyungsoo. “What’s wrong with them?” He asked wearily.

“I saw a spider crawl out of them yesterday,” Kyungsoo hissed. Right away Chen shrieked and ran to the opposite side of the room.

Kris closed his eyes and counted to ten. They hadn’t even made it out the door and he had a headache.

When they finally made it into the woods, the whining started.

“My knee hurts,” Tao cried, clinging to Kris’ arm.

Kris shook him off. “Your knee is fine, I saw you practicing Wushu last night and you didn’t hurt yourself. You just want to be carried.”

“So will you?” Tao asked hopefully, blinking up at Kris with wide eyes.

Kris smiled at him. “No.”

Tao pouted and Kris patted his head just as Baekhyun ran in front of them, hands over his ears and eyes shut.

Kris sighed and looked over at Suho. “What is he doing?”

Suho threw an arm out to stop Kris and Tao just in time to save them from being knocked down by Chanyeol. “Baekhyun is running in circles around us and Chanyeol is following him,” he explained as they started walking once more. He side-eyed Kris who held up his hands.

“Not my kids,” he reminded Suho.

Baekhyun ran in front of them again—he was running in a wide arc so they weren’t in danger of running into him, but Chanyeol was another story. As Chanyeol passed by (coming dangerously close to knocking over Lay) Suho grabbed onto him and nearly gave him whiplash. “Chanyeol, if Baekhyun has his hands over his ears and is running away from you, chances are it’s not a good idea to follow him,” he said tiredly.

Chanyeol’s eyes brimmed with tears. “But—”

“KRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIS!” Chen wailed from somewhere behind them. “KAI SAYS HE’S GONNA MAKE ME WATCH HIM EAT A WORM!”

Kris glared at Suho, who threw his hands up. “Not my kid.”

“Yes he is!” Kris fired back.

“The wailing one?”

Kris practically hissed in frustration. “ _He’s_ my kid—but the one who is constantly tormenting him is _not_ mine!” Chen came running over and ducked under Kris’ arm, talking a mile a minute in a tearful voice.

“He’sreallygrossKrisIdon’tlikehimatallmakehimleavemealone…”

Kai ran over and started shouting. “I never said I’d make him watch and all I did was this!” And he held up the worm in his hands—Chen shrieked and grabbed the edge of Kris’ wing, pulling it over his face so he wouldn’t have to look at Kai—and dangled it over his mouth.

Suho grabbed Kai’s wrist and pulled it back. “Put that thing down are you nuts do you want to contract salmonella?!” He fired at his second youngest headache.

Kris looked around. Lu Han and Sehun were walking ahead, blissfully unaware of what was happening, Kyungsoo had grabbed Baekhyun and was muttering to him and Xiumin and Lay were playing a game of “I Spy.”

“Alright!” Kris yelled, making everyone jump and stop in his tracks. “Lay and Xiumin, can Chanyeol and Tao join your game?”

They nodded.

“Good. Kyungsoo, you and Baekhyun go walk ahead with Sehun and Lu Han. Kai, you go up there too and if you can’t say something nice don’t say anything.”

Then he looked down at Chen. “You do whatever you feel like doing,” he said. Chen tightened his grip on Kris’ arm.

Once everyone had scampered into their appropriate groups they started off again. Suho patted Kris’ arm sympathetically.

“You can take a nap when we get there if you want, I should be able to handle them.”

Kris figured he’d take Suho up on that.

Kris wound up lying down for five minutes and then getting up because there was no way Suho could handle this on his own.

“Chanyeol, get down from the tree, _I’ll_ get you a branch.”

And somehow doing that one thing for Chanyeol meant he had to do a hundred things for everyone else, and after some time Kris finally staggered away from everyone hoping to sit down…and then he saw Chen.

Kris didn’t know how it happened or what had been said, but Chen was standing by himself and his bottom lip was quivering and he was starting to hiccup.

“No!” He yelled, running over to Chen and hugging him tightly. “There will be no crying today!”

Still clutching the young boy, he whirled towards Kai. “What did you say to him?” He demanded as Chen clung to him and tried to calm down.

Kai looked genuinely offended. “It wasn’t me! I was accosting Kyungsoo!”

Kyungsoo stomped his foot and pointed at Kai. “He was dangling spiders in my face!!”

“It wasn’t a spider! It was a leaf that looked like a spider!” Kai hollered back, and then he launched himself at Kyungsoo and tackled him to the ground.

“Get off me! OW! SUHO HE BIT ME!”

“HE KNEED ME IN THE STOMACH!!”

Kris dragged Chen away from the brawl and made him look up at him. “What happened?” He asked softly, ruffling Chen’s hair.

Chen didn’t look like he was about to cry anymore, but he did look faintly upset. “They told me not to tell.”

Kris put his hand on Chen’s shoulders and bent a little bit so they were eye level. “Who told you not to tell?”

Chen fidgeted. “Lu Han and Sehun,” he muttered quietly. “They walked off.”

Kris felt his heart leap to his throat. “When?”

“About a half an hour ago?” Chen guessed. “Am I in trouble?”

Kris calmly patted Chen’s cheek. “No dear, you’re not in trouble. Why don’t you go play with Xiumin and Baekhyun now?” Then just as calmly he walked over to Suho, who was trying to flip Kyungsoo onto his back.

“You aren’t dying and you don’t have rabies,” he was saying. “Now get your face out of the dirt before you inhale a worm.”

“Inhale a worm!” Chanyeol shrieked from where he was jabbing a twig in a shrub. “Do it, Kyungsoo! It’d be totally cool!”

Kyungsoo scrambled to stand up and Kris grabbed Suho’s arm, quickly getting his attention.

“Where’s Sehun?” Kris asked in the same calm tone.

“He’s with Lu Han,” Suho answered automatically. “He’s always with Lu Han.”

He made to turn away but Kris pulled him back. “Where’s Lu Han?”

Suho opened his mouth and then closed again. “Uh,” he said intelligently. “Oh.”

“Yeah!” Kris cried, finally leaving calm behind. “Where the heck did they go??”

“Are you talking about us?”

Suho and Kris whirled around. Lu Han was leading Sehun into the clearing they were set up in, and they were munching on…

“What’ve you got there?” Kai asked, abandoning his taunting of Kyungsoo.

Sehun held up his hand. “Raspberries!” He announced happily. “There’s a whole ocean of them!”

“It’s true,” Lu Han told them, jumping up and down in excitement. “There’s like an entire forest of bushes over that way!”

“Is it like getting to the blueberry patch?” Tao asked, wandering over from goodness only knew where.

Lu Han shook his head. “Not at all, it’s really easy. Come on, we’ll show you!”

It was Kyungsoo who finally looked up and asked.

“Guys? Where are Suho and Kris?”

Everyone stopped dead and looked around the raspberry field, and sure enough their leaders were nowhere in sight.

“Oh well, more for us!” Kai cheered happily.

Kyungsoo nearly smacked him. “This is serious! Did they leave without us?”

Chen and Tao both gasped. “Never!” Tao swore. “Kris would never leave me behind.”

Chen’s lip started quivering and Xiumin ran over to him and hugged him. “There, there,” he said, rubbing Chen’s back soothingly. “I’m sure they’re around, they wouldn’t have left without us.”

“But where could they be?” Lay wondered aloud. He turned around and nearly tripped over a bush.

Lu Han sighed. “You just can’t stay on your own two feet, can you?”

“Hey,” Baekhyun yelled, startling everyone. “They went that way,” he pointed behind himself, back to the clearing they’d originally been in. “About an hour ago.”

The ten of them went back to the clearing and found Suho and Kris lying on the ground fast asleep. Kris was lying on his back and Suho was using his stomach as a pillow.

“That’s totally adorable!” Chanyeol squealed.

“Yeah,” Kai agreed. “Let’s put worms in their hair!”

“I love you too, you little monster,” Suho mumbled.

“It’s alive!” Sehun shrieked, running at the pair of them and throwing himself on top of them.

Baekhyun grinned “DOG PILE!” he screamed, but before any of them could move Kris shot up, taking Suho and Sehun with him.

“Maybe some other time,” he said firmly.

Suho stretched. “So, did you all have fun picking berries?”

Xiumin nodded. “We did! We had a lot of fun and…and…we didn’t fight at all.”

They all gaped at each other. They’d never gone without somebody arguing for that long before!

Kris and Suho grinned at each other. “Score!” They cried and high-fived.

“You planned this?!” Kai shrieked. “And somehow _I’m_ the manipulative one?”

Suho took Sehun’s hand and started walking away. “Come on you little monsters, let’s all go home.”


	13. Keen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chen/Lay/Baekhyun-centric  
> Continuity: Pre-Chapter 1 of At World' End  
> Warning: Bit of angst, tissues may be necessary.

Lay staggered away from the Supermarket, clutching a half-squished loaf of bread and a half-gallon of grape juice. He had a bag of grapes at one point, but he gave it to a little girl who looked ready to eat her own hands, she was just that hungry. Everyone was hungry these days. There just wasn’t enough food for everyone, and the trucks that carried it were often looted en route to needy towns like this one. He’d overheard a few people say that there was more food in Tianjin, which was about 20 miles away. Lay had just come from there though and he knew that those rumors weren’t true, but he didn’t have the heart to say so. Not when he saw how hopeful the people were at the prospect of something better than what they had here, which was hardly worth mentioning. Lay had been lucky to get away with what he had in his hands, and now he had to figure out how to make it last.

He stuffed the bread and juice under his jacket and tugged the collar up. It was raining harder than it had been when he’d gone into the store and it was friggin’ cold, but luckily it wasn’t too windy just yet. He kept his head down as he walked, it wasn’t good to draw attention to yourself on these blocks. He sincerely hoped that Baekhyun and Chen had managed to stay inside, because there had been some suspicious looking people lurking outside their apartment that morning.

Lay turned a corner and got a shock when he saw a small creature come trotting up to him. For a moment he panicked, thinking it was a young wolf, until he realized that it was white (just a little dirty) and a bit stockier than a wolf. Lay calmed down and made to step around the creature, but it followed his movements.

“Shoo,” Lay muttered, waving his hand at it. He now recognized it as something he’d seen many times around this world. They were called ‘dogs,’ and often they were kept as pets, though now they were more often abandoned since people could scarcely afford to feed themselves, never mind animals.

The dog whined and looked up at Lay, sniffing at the air. It must have smelled the bread. The dog was pitifully thin and looked like it was still a baby. Lay felt his heart break a little but steeled himself. This was not the time for his bleeding heart.

“Get lost,” he ordered. The dog whined again and laid down on top of his feet. Lay could feel it shivering and wondered how much longer the creature would last if left on its own. As if sensing his weakness, the dog looked up at him and damnit all, it looked like the saddest thing on the planet. Lay was instantly reminded of Chen when he was younger, how his eyes would get when he was about to cry.

“Oh damn it all to hell,” Lay muttered as he bent down and quickly scooped the dog into his arms. It snuggled into him and licked his hands. Even as his heart melted into a puddle of goo Lay cursed himself all the way back, knowing that Baekhyun would kill him for this.

Sure enough when he got back to the apartment and Baekhyun saw him, the first thing he said was “You’re such a softie.”

Lay shoved the wet and shivering dog at him and pulled the food out from under his jacket. “He looks like Chen, how could I leave him there?” He demanded. Baekhyun rolled his eyes and held the dog at arm’s length.

“It’s soaking wet, dirty and possibly flea infested. Clearly, it’s the spitting image of Chen.”

Chen poked his head out from under his blanket. “Whut?” He muttered sleepily.

Lay snatched the dog back and dropped it into Chen’s lap. “I got you a present.”

Chen took one look at the pathetic thing and started crying. “Poor little baby!” He sobbed, hugging it close to his chest. The dog picked it’s head up and licked Chen’s neck. Chen cried even harder.

“I don’t understand,” Chen gasped between sobs, “How anyone could abandon these animals!”

‘ _Because they’d rather do that than watch them die_ ,’ Lay thought sadly. Baekhyun turned on Lay and gave him a murderous look.

“So help me,” he growled, “If that thing dies tonight you will be the one who keeps Chen from jumping off the roof in depression.”

Lay winced but didn’t argue. He also doubted very much that the dog would be strong enough to last through the night.

Chen spent the rest of the day coaxing the dog to eat, feeding him little bits of bread and trickling rainwater into his mouth. At night Chen zipped the dog up in his hooded sweater and covered them both with the blanket. To Lay’s surprise, the dog was still alive the next morning, and the morning after that, and soon two weeks had gone by and that dog was still with them. Chen had named him Keen, and now that he’d been fed and was gaining his strength back, he was turning out to be quite the rambunctious puppy.

Chen grew more and more attached to ‘his baby,’ as he dubbed him. Lay would come home with food and Chen would give at least half of his portion to Keen, sometimes more. He argued that he didn’t really need to eat, Keen needed it more, but Lay worried. Chen was already so thin, and even if he didn’t need to eat that didn’t mean he shouldn’t. Chen wasn’t getting proper nutrition, and that could greatly harm him in the long run.

By the end of their second week in that town, Lay had decided they’d been in one place for too long and it was time to get back to searching. He reluctantly told Chen that it was time to let the dog go.

“What?!” Chen shrieked, clutching Keen close. “You can’t be serious!”

“Are you really intending to take him across Asia?” Baekhyun demanded. “We don’t know where we’re going or how far it is!”

“So what?” Chen growled, his eyes shining with tears. “I don’t care if I have to carry him on my back, I’m not leaving him behind! He’s already been abandoned once, and I won’t—”

Here Chen got choked up, and he had to fight to get his next words out. “I won’t leave him all alone. I can’t leave him alone.” His voice turned pleading. “It’s our job to help, and he needs our help. We of all people know what it’s like to be alone. Don’t make me do that to him.”

Lay shivered and bit his lip. He glanced over at Baekhyun and saw that Chen’s words had hit home with him too. On the one hand, they really didn’t need this added burden. Dogs were a lot of work and responsibility, they would need to get food and water for him, not an easy thing to do when some parts of the country that they needed to cross were pretty arid. On the other hand, Chen made a very good, very clear point.

“If he gets sick,” Baekhyun muttered, “Or if he runs away, you have to let him go.”

Chen nodded fervently. “He won’t though. He’ll be fine.”

They set out the next day, and Keen trotted along next to Chen the whole time.

“Look he’s smiling!” Chen cooed. Lay looked over and yes, it did look like the puppy was grinning. He kind of had a goofy face, with tufts of hair sticking out of his head and making it look huge and his silly smile…actually, he kind of looked like a cross between Chen and—

 _Wham_. The memory hit and Lay actually stumbled a bit. The image of Chanyeol’s huge grin, all teeth and laughter, rolling around on the ground at something Xiumin had said. Lay pulled his hat low over his eyes to hide his sudden tears.

His memories came and went, and by the end of the day he could no longer remember who the dog had reminded him of, only that he missed that person terribly. Lay pulled his knees up to his chest and cried as quietly as he could—Chen and Baekhyun were sleeping three feet away, and he didn’t want to wake them.

He felt a nudge on his arm and quickly wiped his face, thinking he had woken the others, but instead he saw white fur and big black eyes.

“Hi, Keen,” he said lowly. The puppy put his paws on Lay’s knees and sniffed his face.

Lay patted his head distractedly. “Why aren’t you with Chen right now?”

Keen whined and licked Lay’s cheek before nosing him gently. Another memory burned in Lay’s mind, this time of Kris leaning over him after he’d fallen out of tree. Just like that Lay fell onto his side, crying again.

Keen yelped in alarm and licked Lay’s face fervently. Lay uncurled his legs and Keen laid down next to him, snuggling in close. Lay buried his face in Keen’s neck, fur hiding his tears.

“I miss them so much,” he sobbed. Keen whined lowly and rested his head on top of Lay’s.

Lay cried himself to sleep, and when he woke up in the morning Keen was still lying next to him, calmly waiting for Lay to stop using him as a pillow.

“Good dog,” Lay whispered, patting his head.

The next time they went into town, Lay asked around until he found a pet store. He filled a small bag with dog treats and toys. When he came back to their campsite, Chen grinned at him smugly.

“And you didn’t even want a dog,” he reminded Lay as he threw something called a ‘tennis ball’ for Keen to chase after.

Lay grumbled but otherwise said nothing. When he woke up the next morning it was to find Baekhyun curled around Keen, tear tracks still visible on his face.

“I don’t understand,” Baekhyun said one night as they watched Keen gnaw on a rope toy. “How do dogs know when you’re upset? Or when you need something to cuddle?”

Chen shrugged and snatched the toy away from Keen, growling playfully. When he sent Keen running after it, he answered.

“They’re smarter than people give them credit for. I think it’s because they’re not self-oriented. Like, people spend a lot of time thinking about what they need, and 90% of the time they need ‘better’. Better clothes, cars, houses. People always want to move up. Animals don’t think like that. All they need is food and water, and I think that makes them more open to other creatures, you know? By being less focused on themselves, they can focus more energy on people around them.”

Keen came scampering back and dropped the toy at Lay’s feet. He crouched down, tail waving around in the air, and grinned happily.

Lay threw the toy behind himself. Keen looked momentarily dumbfounded before he realized what had happened and went careening after it.

“I don’t know,” Baekhyun said loftily. “He doesn’t look smart enough for all that.”

They all laughed, but they knew that Chen was right. Lay was very glad that Chen had basically forced them to keep Keen. Lay thought he made their time on the planet that much more bearable.


	14. Baby Skies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Continuity: Chapter 4 of At World's End  
> Chen & Kris centric  
> Warning: IT’S JUST TOO CUTE

Suho pulled Kris aside at the beginning of the third week he was at the Sanctuary to tell him about Chen.

“He’s very sensitive,” He warned in a whisper, though nobody was around and Kris was sure they didn’t have to whisper.

“He had a younger sister," Suho went on, "And he basically watched his parents coddle her while he was ignored. I tried to make up for it, but ever since Sehun and Kai came around I’ve had to divide my time and I think…” he stuttered and breathed deeply. “I think I pushed him away.”

Suho blinked back tears and Kris shook his head. “I’m sure you didn’t—” he started, also in a whisper.

“I did,” Suho insisted. “For him, it must have been like watching his parents with his sister all over again. By the time I realized it, Chen had already started to distance himself.”

Kris hugged Suho gently. “You couldn’t have known,” he muttered. “You’re ten years old for crying out loud, and you have a lot of kids to take care of. Sehun and Kai needed you too, and you did the best you could.”

Suho sighed. “Chen told me he understands that Sehun and Kai need me, but I know it hasn’t gotten better.”

Kris pulled away. “What needs to get better?” He asked cautiously.

Suho winced. “Yeah, remember how I said he was sensitive? He cries really easily. When the kids tease him, when he falls, when it’s really dark and cramped, when he’s hurt or tired or lonely or confused, when he sees spiders…any bug really but especially spiders.”

Kris’ eyes got continuously wider until he finally had to close them because he thought they’d fall out.

“Wow,” he whispered.

“It’s really not his fault, he just never learned how to deal with those emotions any other way,” Suho explained.

Kris nodded, he knew that—it was just a lot to take in, and he had been lucky that his kids hadn’t really cried that often. He wasn’t sure he could handle Chen, but he knew he had to try.

Kris squared his shoulders and mentally steeled himself. “Alright, where is he now?”

Suho shrugged. “Not a clue. Ask Xiumin, he might now.”

So Kris dragged himself all over the Sanctuary looking for Xiumin, who admitted he had no clue where Chen was; he’d lost track of him shortly after lunch. Exhausted, Kris collapsed in his favorite chair in the library and prayed that Chanyeol didn’t find him. He loved the kid, but he was just too tired.

Then somewhere in the library, someone started screaming.

Kris leapt up, losing a few feathers in the process, and ran down the aisles of bookshelves, finally skidding to a halt in the nature section. Chen was pressed up against one of the shelves, holding his hand and sobbing.

Kris flew over to him and pulled him up. “What happened?” He gasped, searching for blood or bruises. “Did you fall? Are you hurt?”

Chen shook his head. “Spider…I…touched…the spider!!!!” He wailed.

Kris looked around in confusion. A few feet away a book was lying face down on the floor…and it had a drawing of a spider on the cover.

Kris exhaled slowly and forced himself to calm down—Chen had really scared him for a few seconds there. He tried to think of a way to calm Chen down…what to do when a kid had touched a picture of a spider?

Wait, what did people do when they touched something unpleasant?

“How about I take you to wash your hands?” Kris suggested as calmly as he could.

Chen took a few sharp breathes in an attempt to calm down and nodded.

Kris spent a good five minutes soaking Chen’s hands in warm water and scrubbing them. By the end of it there probably wasn’t a single germ left on Chen’s hands, let alone spider leftovers, which was what he told Chen.

Chen had a pretty bad case of the hiccups by that point and he was still crying a bit, so Kris pulled Chen into his lap and hugged him.

“I’m going to take care of you now,” Kris told him. “Any time you have a problem, I want you to come and find me, okay?”

Chen sniffled and wrapped his arms around Kris’ waist, snuggling into him. “Okay,” he whispered tearfully.

* * *

For a while it seemed like Chen tried not to need Kris too much. Kris would walk around feeling like there were eyes on him, and he would turn around to find Chen lurking a few feet behind him, shuffling along like he wasn’t totally obvious. Kris would smile and hold out his hand and Chen would rush over, grab onto him and cling. To Kris, it was painfully adorable, but he knew he still wasn’t getting the brunt of Chen’s emotional needs. The fit over the spider was not an isolated incident, and Kris was always on the lookout for signs of another break down.

It happened not long after the first one. Kris figured he must have missed a few anyway, Chen probably hid them because he was still shy around Kris, but fear tends to change things. Especially when that fear is Kai with a bug.

“KRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIS!!!!!” Chen wailed in the next room over. Kris jumped, splattering ink over the piece of paper he was supposed to be writing math problems on. It was their break during lessons, when the Teachers would leave the rooms for a bit and they could do whatever they wanted. The seven youngest kids were separated from the older ones in another room. Usually they didn’t see each other until after class ended, and Kris had never stepped foot in the other classroom until that moment when Chen started screaming for him.

Kris rushed into the room to find Chen practically scaling the wall to get away from Kai, who was letting a beetle crawl around in his hand. Upon seeing Kris, Chen pointed at Kai and started yelling.

“HE’S GOING TO DROP THAT THING DOWN MY SHIRT!”

Kai stomped his foot and glared at Chen. “I WASN’T SERIOUS!” He screamed back.

Baekhyun covered his ears and Kyungsoo patted his back. Kris ran over to Kai and pulled him away from Chen.

“Go bring it outside,” he ordered. Kai glared.

“ _Now_ , or I will get Suho in here and he will make you,” Kris continued, the unspoken threat that Suho wouldn’t take as kindly to the situation as he did. Kai stalked off and Kris turned back to Chen.

“It’s gone now,” he said gently. “Come down off the shelf.”

Chen clambered down and collapsed into Kris’ arms. “That thing was huge,” Chen gasped, tears gathering in his eyes. “It was huge and I swear it had teeth what if there are more in the Sanctuary?! What if they’re hiding in this room now WHAT IF THEY BITE ME WILL I DIE?”

Kris grabbed Chen’s shoulders and pushed him back. “Look at me,” he commanded. Chen looked up but his gaze was unfocused, and Kris could almost see what Chen was seeing—swarms of beetles crawling all over him and biting.

“It wasn’t a biting beetle, and I’m sure there aren’t any more in the Sanctuary, Chen. But if there were, I wouldn’t let them hurt you.”

Kai came stomping back in. “Alright it’s gone now,” he grumbled. “It was totally harmless anyway. It crawled over your foot and you didn’t even notice.”

“By the _Tree_ ,” Kris muttered right before Chen flipped out.

“IT WAS ON ME?!” he shrieked, and he practically flung his shoes across the room. “EW EW EW EW EW!!!!”

Kris wound up being excused from the rest of his lesson. He spent the rest of the class day in with the younger kids, holding Chen on his lap and protecting him from beetles.

* * *

Chen didn’t like to be alone, but he didn’t always like to play what the other kids wanted to play. Sometimes he, Kyungsoo and Baekhyun would play together, sometimes they’d even be joined by Sehun or Xiumin, but on some days everyone would do their own thing and Chen would sit on the sidelines, pretending to read a book while really peaking at everyone else who was having fun.

Not any more, Kris thought to himself, striding over to Chen and plopping down beside him.

“Want me to read it to you?” He asked.

Chen nodded and shoved the book in Kris’ lap. He then grabbed Kris’ arm, wrapped it around his shoulders and wormed into his side. Kris didn’t think Chen could get any closer to him if he wanted to.

“Okay,” Kris said, opening the book. “Chapter one—”

“It’s upside down, silly!” Chen laughed.

Kris shook his head. “This is the only way I can read,” he said seriously. Chen snorted behind his hand.

“Chapter one…there once was a tree named Lenny.”

Chen laughed. “This is a book about the migration habits of ducks!”

Kris looked at him, shocked. “That sounds terribly boring,” he gasped. “But no, I’m sure this is about a tree named Lenny! See,” he said, pointing at a line. “It clearly says—”

“Okay, I believe you,” Chen cut in, still giggling.

Kris sighed. “I suppose I can read you a book about ducks if you want…”

“No,” Chen whined. “I want to hear about Lenny!”

Kris smiled as he continued with the story. He’d done this for Tao when he was younger, and it never failed to cheer him up. it was comforting to find out that he could use this tactic on Chen too.

* * *

There was one thing that Chen was never afraid of, though it scared almost anyone who watched him.

Kris was the only one who could accompany him anymore, because he wouldn’t try to hold Chen back or tell him it was too dangerous.

“Here comes a big one!” Chen hollered, grinning at Kris over his shoulder. “Are you watching?!”

Kris nodded. “I’m watching,” he yelled back from the doorway of the Sanctuary.

Chen turned his face towards the sky, not at all bothered by the rain even as it stung his eyes and cheeks.

Chen seemed to be able to sense the lightning, and just before it flashed across the sky he raised his hand. Two jagged bolts lit the yard, one from the sky and one from Chen’s hand.

“That was amazing!” Chen screamed over the thunder. “Did you see that?”

Kris nodded. “It was fantastic! You’re getting so good at this!”

Chen raised his arms and spun around, grinning at the sky. His hair was plastered to his face, his clothes were soaking wet and had it been anyone else they might have been fearful for their lives. But not Chen. Never Chen. This was his element. This was his playtime and his strength, this was what he lived for.

Chen abruptly stopped spinning and ran over to Kris.

“What’s up?” Kris asked as Chen grabbed his hands.

“Come out with me,” Chen pleaded. “Just for a minute, it’s safe right now.”

Kris almost asked if Chen was crazy. He wasn’t gifted with Lightning, he could be seriously injured if he got struck. But Chen was smiling up at him and tugging on his hand, and his eyes were positively sparkling. How could Kris say no to him?

“Just for a minute,” he warned before he stepped out of the shelter of the doorway. Immediately he was soaked from the rain, but he paid no attention to it. It was just water after all, his clothes would dry. Chen pulled him into the middle of the yard and pointed up.

“Tilt your head back and spin,” he commanded.

Kris looked up. The sky was almost black with clouds and he could see the rain coming at him. As he slowly started to turn it almost looked like the clouds were swirling around in the sky.

Chen grabbed his hands and made him spin faster, until they were almost running. It was surreal, watching the clouds spin and the rain swirl down and the trees around the yard sway angrily in the wind until finally Kris stumbled away. His head was spinning and he felt like he was about to puke, but…

“Isn’t it fun?” Chen yelled as he threw his arms around Kris’ torso.

Kris hugged Chen so tightly he lifted him off of his feet. “It’s the best,” he yelled back.

* * *

“Kris?”

“Mmfghrgh.”

“Kris…”

Poke. Shake.

Kris rolled over and half opened one eye. Chen was standing next to his bed, clutching his pillow and looking at him with impossibly wide eyes.

“Oh, come on then,” Kris muttered half intelligently, scooting over a bit to make room. Chen threw down his pillow and scurried under the sheets as fast as he could. He wrapped his arms around Kris’ waist and buried his face in his chest.

“Nightmare?” Kris asked, absently petting Chen’s hair.

“Nope,” Chen whispered, his voice muffled in Kris’ shirt. “I just missed you.”

Kris grinned. “I missed you too. Now go to sleep.”

“Okay,” Chen said happily. He snaked his hands under the back of Kris’ shirt and Kris jumped.

“You’re always really warm,” Chen muttered.

“And you’re always cold,” Kris grumbled, making no move to push Chen away. “Goodnight my little ice cube.”

“Goodnight.”

Kris had almost fallen asleep again when Chen shifted in his arms, pulling back slightly.

“Kris?”

“Mm?”

“I love you.”

Kris smiled and without opening his eyes tugged Chen back. “I love you too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original notes:  
> OH MY GOODNESS I THINK MY TEETH ARE GOING TO ROT FROM THE SWEETNESS ADFGHJKL Ｏ(≧▽≦)Ｏ  
> So there’s my Daddy!Kris drabble. I liked it so…maybe more later.  
> I think you all know what the title was inspired by (Kiss the Baby Sky, Tohoshinki). It’s my most favorite song ever and I wanted to title this drabble after a lullaby, and I saw one called “Baby Skies” and well…you can imagine what I immediately thought of.


	15. Enchanted

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Continuity: Post "At World's End"  
> Pairing: HunHan  
> Warning: THIS IS EVEN SWEETER THAN THE LAST ONE. LIKE SERIOUSLY, SUGAR OVERLOAD  
> Second Warning: IF YOU ARE EASILY MOVED TO TEARS KEEP TISSUES HANDY

*

_All I can say is I was enchanted to meet you  
This night is sparkling, don't you let it go  
I'm wonderstruck..._

_*_

Kris had gotten them lost again.

“We are not lost!” He yelled, waving the map in Suho’s face. “Look, the city is _that_ way on the map, and so it’s _that_ way on the road!”

“We didn’t go this way when we left!” Suho protested.

“We did so, I recognize that building!”

“It looks like every other building on this planet. By the Tree…”

Lu Han whined in Sehun’s ear and Sehun reached back to pat his cheek.

“Sehunnie, carry me,” Lu Han pleaded. Sehun laughed.

“No way, I’d go ten feet and fall over. I’m as tired as you are.”

Lu Han sighed and Sehun squirmed as his breath tickled his neck. “Alright, quit hanging all over my shoulders,” Sehun muttered. “Walk next to me.”

Kris and Suho finally picked a direction and they started off again. Almost everyone was walking ahead, only Baekhyun and Kyungsoo lingered behind with Sehun and Lu Han, and they weren’t even really _with_ them. Baekhyun and Kyungsoo were off in their own world, sharing a bag of chips and looking out for interesting trinkets scattered along the road. Keen was trotting along next to them, licking up crumbs that they dropped (sometimes on purpose, who could resist those puppy eyes?).

Lu Han released Sehun’s shoulders and grabbed his hand instead, immediately lacing their fingers together. They walked so close that they bumped into each other every few steps, not that they really minded.

“We need new shoes,” Lu Han sighed, nudging Sehun’s foot and nearly tripping him. Lu Han laughed. “I know I’m wonderful, but there’s no need to fall all over me, Sehun.”

Sehun grinned at Lu Han and leaned over to kiss his cheek. “There is every reason to fall all over you,” he whispered before pulling away again.

Lu Han blushed a bit and covered his smile with the back of his hand. If it hadn’t been for the fact that Sehun had been walking so much that the motion was automatic, he might have frozen in the middle of the road just so he could stare in awe at Lu Han. He’d been doing that a lot lately—there were moments when he would be struck speechless by Lu Han’s smile, or laugh, or his gorgeous eyes.

“I love you,” Sehun breathed, still staring at Lu Han.

Lu Han lowered his hand and smiled shyly. “I love you too…why do you keep looking at me like that?”

“Because you are mesmerizing,” Sehun answered.

Lu Han’s smile was almost blinding, it was so bright. “You are wonderful to me. You always say the most beautiful things.”

_[Behind them, Kyungsoo was enraptured and couldn’t tear his eyes away from them.]_

Sehun rubbed his thumb across the back of Lu Han’s hand. “Did you know that I fall in love with you more and more every day? It happened just now—yesterday I thought to myself ‘Wow, I don’t think it’s possible for me to love him anymore than I do right now,’ and today you proved that there will always be a little more that I can feel for you. And tomorrow you’ll prove it again, and again the day after.”

_[Sehun could hear Kyungsoo gasp but he ignored it.]_

Lu Han’s eyes were impossibly wide and his mouth was slightly open in surprise. “I…Sehun…”

Sehun smiled at him. “You’re incredible, Lu Han. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to say ‘This is it, this as much as I can love you.’ I will always find new ways to be enchanted by you, and I never want that to end.”

_[Kyungsoo gasped and grabbed Baekhyun’s hand, startling him. “Ouch! Get your nails—!”_

_“Shut up,” Kyungsoo hissed. “Shut up and watch!”]_

Sehun looked away from Lu Han for a second so he could gather himself, and when he looked back Lu Han’s free hand was pressed to his mouth and there were tears in his eyes.

Sehun took a deep breath. “I know we already promised to be together forever, but we didn’t…I want to say it. I want to make it a real, physical and emotional promise.”

_[“Holy mother,” Kyungsoo breathed as Baekhyun gasped and grabbed his other hand. “He’s going to say it!”]_

Up ahead everyone had stopped because Kris and Suho were yelling again, but Sehun and Lu Han stopped because Lu Han was crying too hard to walk anymore.

Sehun grasped Lu Han’s hand tightly and smiled at him. “Will you marry me?”

Lu Han squeezed his eyes shut. Laughing and sobbing at the same time, he nodded.

Behind them, Kyungsoo and Baekhyun shrieked at exactly the same time, causing Keen to let out a surprised yelp. Sehun ignored them in favor of finally pulling Lu Han’s hand away from his mouth and kissing him.

Up ahead everyone jumped when they heard the screams. They looked back in confusion.

“Uh,” Lay began, “Why did you two scream, why is the dog barking and why are Sehun and Lu Han making out and crying?”

Kyungsoo and Baekhyun were freaking out almost to the point where they couldn’t speak, but finally Baekhyun managed to talk.

“Sehun asked Lu Han to marry him and Lu Han said yes!!”

Then they both shrieked again, except this time they were joined by Suho, Tao and Xiumin.

“It’s about freaking time!!” Kai yelled.

Suho grabbed Kris by the arm and shook him. “Ohmygoshohmygosh KRIS!”

“I know,” Kris yelled back.

Sehun tangled his fingers in Lu Han’s hair and smiled against his lips. Lu Han was still crying, but he was also gripping Sehun’s shoulders and preventing him from pulling away. That was just fine by Sehun, he really didn’t want to move anytime soon.

* * *

“If being engaged gets us out of firewood collecting, imagine what actually being married will do,” Sehun wondered.

Lu Han laughed and snuggled closer to Sehun. “I guess we’ll find out soon,” he answered. Lu Han was practically shaking from giddiness, it was amazing that he could sit still at all.

The others had gone off to look for food and firewood, all of them practically forcing Sehun and Lu Han to stay behind under the pretense of looking after the dog, who was fast asleep a few feet away. Sehun had sat down on a fallen tree trunk and Lu Han had bounced around the campsite for a few minutes before Sehun finally called him over. Now Lu Han was sitting on the ground, back pressed against Sehun’s chest and held captive by Sehun’s arms and legs.

Sehun leaned down and pressed his cheek against Lu Han’s head. “No sugar for you today,” he warned. “You’re hyper enough.”

“How could I not be hyper?!” Lu Han practically squealed. “I’m…I’m so happy! Sehun I can’t even tell you how happy I am right now!”

Sehun abruptly slid down off the log and Lu Han yelped as he was pushed forward. Sehun pressed himself even closer to Lu Han and nestled his face in the crook of Lu Han’s neck.

“Believe me,” he murmured, “I think I do know.”

Lu Han shivered when Sehun’s lips tickled his neck. Sehun picked his head up and Lu Han twisted around as best he could while still being held in place by Sehun’s arms. Sehun kissed him lightly and Lu Han squirmed.

“Will you let me turn around so I can kiss you properly?” He whined.

Sehun released Lu Han long enough for him to get up on his knees before he lunged, cupping the back of Lu Han’s head so it wouldn’t hit the ground as he tackled him.

“There,” Sehun breathed, taking in Lu Han’s bright eyes and flushed cheeks. “That’s better.”

Chanyeol was the first to get back—just a few minutes later—and when he saw them he screamed and dropped the sticks he was holding. “Can’t you hold it in until after you’re married?!” He cried indignantly, hands over his eyes. “And really, in front of the dog, too!”

Sehun sat up and glared at him. “We weren’t even doing anything,” he yelled. Lu Han quickly pulled his shirt down and sat up, pushing Sehun away as Suho came into the clearing, carting a bunch of fish.

“It’s not like we haven’t slept together before,” he muttered.

Suho heard him and covered his ears. “I DIDN’T HEAR THAT!” He screamed, turning around and running head first into Kris.

“What the hell is going on?” He asked, bewildered by Chanyeol with his hands over his eyes and Suho with his hands over his ears.

“Sehun was trying to deflower Lu Han,” Chanyeol cried. Suho shrieked and flailed.

“You’re a few years too late on that statement,” Lu Han sniffed. “And you’ve gotten mixed—”

“OKAY!” Kris screamed. “I get the idea.”

Sehun pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed. “The sooner we get back to the Tree the better,” he muttered.

* * *

About halfway back, they came upon an abandoned jewelry store. Immediately Lu Han and Sehun were seized and separated, with the Northerners grabbing Sehun and pulling him off to the side and the Southerners steering Lu Han into the store.

“What the hell?” Sehun sputtered.

“We agreed yesterday,” Suho explained, “You two need rings.”

“What for?” Sehun demanded.

Kai whacked the back of his head. “How long have we been wandering this planet? All these years and you haven’t learned anything.”

Sehun glowered at Kai. “What are you going on about?”

Kyungsoo put his hand on Sehun’s shoulder. “When people get married here,” He explained, “They give each other rings on their wedding day. We thought it would be nice if you and Lu Han did that.”

“Well why did you separate us?” Sehun whined.

Kai rolled his eyes. “Oh please, you’ll be back together in no time. We think it should be a surprise until the day of the wedding.”

Sehun grumped a bit at being taken by surprise, but he had to admit that it was a good idea. Or it seemed to be, until they realized Lu Han wasn’t coming out any time soon. After five minute of waiting Kai stood up and announced that he had someplace to go, and poof-ed off. About an hour later, the group finally emerged from the store.

“Geez,” Chanyeol muttered, picking himself up from the ground. “What took so long?”

Kris rolled his eyes and sighed. “Mister indecisive over here…”

“There were so many!” Lu Han cried. “So many to choose from!”

“There were like, ten in there!” Chen protested.

Baekhyun grabbed Sehun and hauled him inside, the rest of the group (still minus Kai) trailing behind them.

“Pick something,” Baekhyun chirped, shoving Sehun over to the display cases.

There weren’t a whole lot of rings on display, but there were a lot under the counters, which had been broken open by the previous group.

“Wow,” Sehun breathed. “There are a lot here.”

Baekhyun’s hands had the most resemblance to Lu Han’s, so Sehun made him follow him around the store and try on various rings. They were at it for almost 45 minutes before Sehun finally found one.

“This is it,” he announced. He rifled through a few boxes and pulled out one that looked about Lu Han’s size. He slipped it onto Baekhyun’s hand and yes, it was a perfect fit.

“I think this is a woman’s ring,” Baekhyun protested.

Sehun took it back and put it in a box. “Lu Han has very slim fingers, he needs a narrow band and the men’s rings are too clunky.”

“I agree,” Suho said quickly, pushing Sehun out. “Let’s get a move on before either of you change your minds.”

“Where’s Kai?” Lu Han asked.

“He’ll catch up,” Xiumin said.

And he did, a few minutes later, popping up next to Sehun and scaring him half to death.

“We won’t be able to hide this from you until the actual day,” Kai said quickly, ignoring Sehun’s labored breathing, “So we’re going to give you your wedding present now.”

Sehun looked around the group, all of whom were smiling sheepishly. “You guys didn’t have to get us anything,” Sehun protested weakly.

Lay grinned at him. “We wanted to though.”

Kai lowered his backpack—half open, Sehun noted—and reached in.

“Here you go,” he said happily, and lifted out the weirdest looking dog Sehun had ever seen in his life.

“Oh my god!” Lu Han shrieked. Kai quickly handed him the puppy and it squirmed in his arms trying to lick his face. Lu Han squealed and held it out so he could look at it.

“How adorable!” He cried, and the longer Sehun looked at it the more he agreed. It was black and white with a long body and the biggest ears Sehun had ever seen on an animal that small.

“It’s a girl by the way,” Kai told them. “And she’s only a few months old, still a baby.”

“Good job,” Sehun heard Kris whisper to Kai. “You picked a good one.”

“Told you I could,” Kai bragged.

Lu Han shoved the puppy at Sehun and he quickly grabbed her. She put her paws on his shoulder and stuck her nose in his ear.

“She’s perfect!” Lu Han announced. “What are we going to name her?! Oh I know, let’s call her Daisy!”

“Why Daisy?” Sehun asked.

“Why not?” Lu Han countered, grabbing her back and snuggling her.

Keen trotted over and pawed at Lu Han’s legs, whining. Lu Han knelt down and held Daisy out.

“See? She’s our new friend!”

Keen sneezed in Daisy’s face. Daisy tried to lick Keen’s face off. Lu Han announced that they would be best friends.

* * *

They finally made it to the Tree of Life two weeks later. The Tree was kind of surprised to see them so soon, but kind of not.

Once they had exchanged greetings, the Tree turned its attention to Sehun and Lu Han.

“Something is going on with you two,” It muttered slyly. “Tell me!”

Sehun cursed the formless state they were brought into when talking to the Tree. He wanted to hold Lu Han’s hand but he couldn’t.

“We wanted to ask if you would marry us,” Sehun said, suddenly feeling a bit giddy. Lu Han felt very calm though, Sehun wondered if the feeling was communicable.

The Tree cheered. “Yes! Of course I will! Oh my lovelies, this is such a happy occasion! I have never been asked to wed my Guardians!”

There was a collective shock from around the group. “Nobody asked you? Ever?” Chanyeol gasped. He actually sounded like he might cry.

“But you’re the most obvious choice!” Chen cried.

The Tree seemed to puff up a bit. “I am though, aren’t I? But alas, it has never happened. But I will be honored to marry the two of you.”

“We’re honored to be the first couple you marry,” Lu Han assured.

If trees could blush, the Tree would be blushing. “Oh, you,” It fawned, then quickly jumped into serious mode.

“Anyway…let’s get on with it.”

Everyone snapped to attention.

The Tree focused all of its attention on Lu Han and Sehun. “We gather today in celebration of love. We have all gathered from different backgrounds, different lifestyles, different species even, but we have been united by love. The love that Lu Han and Sehun have for each other is unlike anything I have seen in all my years, and I know that they will continue to love each other dearly throughout their lives, and that love will only strengthen with time. The love that all of you, as their friends, have shown them will also grow stronger each day. You are all family, all very dear to each other, and this union is not only a sign of the love that Sehun and Lu Han have for each other, but a song of all the love that their fellow Guardians, their brothers and best friends, have shown them over the years. I know we are all proud of the wonderful young men standing before us today.”

Lu Han was crying again, Sehun was on the verge of tears himself. Kyungsoo, Chen, Suho, Xiumin and Lay were crying, everyone else wasn’t far behind. Even the Tree was getting emotional.

“This is a ceremony to unite two souls. Sehun, will you accept Lu Han as your husband, your other half, your best friend and your beloved?”

“Yes,” Sehun whispered. “With all my heart, yes.”

“Lu Han, will you accept Sehun as your husband, your other half, your best friend and your beloved?”

“I’ve been waiting for this moment for so long,” Lu Han breathed. “Yes, yes, yes.”

“Then it shall be.” The tree announced. “These two are united for all eternity.”

There was a cheer from around their group of friends. Sehun could hardly wait to get back to his body so he could see Lu Han, hold him and kiss him for the first time as a married couple.

“I know you have much to say and do,” The Tree said briskly. “Carry on my loves, come back and see me when you can come up for air.”

Kai laughed, he was still laughing when they faded back into their bodies. Sehun got a brief look at Lu Han, tears in his eyes and huge smile on his face before Lu Han flung himself at Sehun and kissed him soundly, nearly knocking him off his feet.

“The rings!” Suho reminded them. “Exchange rings!”

They pulled back quickly and tried to grab each other’s hands at the same time. “Me first!” Lu Han yelled bossily, “I’ve been waiting longer!”

Sehun sighed and allowed Lu Han to slip the ring on his finger. It was a thick gold band with a line of diamonds in the center. Sehun took a moment to admire the ring before taking Lu Han’s hand and sliding a thin sliver band with a diamond and sapphire pattern on his finger.

“It’s perfect,” Lu Han murmured. He looked up at Sehun. “Yours?”

“I love it,” Sehun answered immediately. “I love you.”

“I love you so much,” Lu Han muttered. “I just…”

Sehun cut him off with a kiss. After a moment Kris cleared his throat.

“We have another surprise for you.”

They both turned around to find ten people grinning at them. “What is it?” Lu Han asked, sounding suspicious.

Their friends shoved them into a car. They had to split up into two since they were such a large group, and they weaved through the nearby city, coming to a halt outside a decrepit building.

“The inside looks way better,” Kris promised, and he held the door open for them.

The inside was a lot better. It was all white and red with beautiful paintings and soft carpets.

“They call it a Hotel,” Kris explained. “This is just the front hall, you should see the rooms.”

“Yours is upstairs,” Chen said cheerfully, shoving them toward the staircase. “Go take a look at it if you can actually stop staring at each other. Room 516.”

Sehun took Lu Han’s hand and they walked upstairs, ignoring Kai’s call of “Have fun you lovebirds!”

They found the room easily enough. When they reached the threshold, Lu Han squeezed Sehun’s hand. “Well, let’s just hope this building is stable!” He said cheerfully as they opened the door.

The room was gorgeous—it was painted dark red, the focal point was a huge bed with a red and white comforter. There was a sofa and TV (though it probably didn’t work anymore), and there was even a table and a refrigerator.

Lu Han narrowed his eyes at the fridge. “Don’t tell me,” he muttered, walking over and opening it. “Oh my god,” he sighed. “Sehun come see this.”

Sehun padded over and he had to laugh. Their friends had packed the fridge to the bursting point with food and drinks.

“Do they think we’ll be here for a week?” Sehun laughed. He looked over at Lu Han and almost choked on his tongue at the look Lu Han was giving him.

“Oh, don’t give me any ideas,” Lu Han nearly growled. “I swear I could keep you busy in here for a week.”

Sehun shivered despite the heat that rushed through his body and pooled in his stomach. “Oh really?” He asked. He wasn’t sure how he was still coherent enough to speak. Lu Han stepped closer to him and Sehun backed away teasingly. “I think it’s going to be me keeping you here.”

Lu Han kept walking forward, Sehun stepped back, leading him over to the bed. He overestimated the distance though and wound up tripping backwards, sprawling over the bed with Lu Han’s hands braced on either side of him, his body pinned by Lu Han’s weight.

“Let’s see you keep that promise,” Lu Han breathed against Sehun’s lips.

* * *

Down in the Hotel dining room, Kai patted Daisy’s head sympathetically. “Don’t worry, eventually they’ll remember that we’re down here. In the meantime, I’ll be taking care of you.”

Daisy whined and rolled over on Kai’s legs, exposing her belly. Kai cooed over her, “Oh you’re so cute, yes you are!”

“Thanks kid,” Kyungsoo said as he swung his arm around Kai’s shoulders. “That means a lot coming from you.”

Kai elbowed Kyungsoo in the ribs, knocking him sideways off the chair.

“You’re taking this rather well,” Kai commented, glancing at Suho.

“I’m trying not to think about it,” Suho admitted. “When I do I go into panic mode.”

Five seconds later, Suho teared up. “Ugh my baby is all grown up and married!” He cried, flinging his arms around Kai and nearly knocking Daisy to the floor.

“Now I only have this kid left,” Suho moaned, clinging to Kai.

“Oh God, save me,” Kai whispered, reaching for Kris. “Hyung, do something!”

Kris laughed. “You’re on your own kid. Tao, come here, I need to talk to you about Adult Matters.”

“By the Tree,” Tao yelped. “Help, Kris is trying to talk to me about sex!!”

Baekhyun sighed, watching the chaos from another table. “What is it with those two, their babies have been grown up for years now! The wedding hasn’t changed that.”

Chanyeol grinned and patted Baekhyun’s hand. “I think they’re mostly putting on a show for themselves.”

Baekhyun nodded. “I know but still, when Sehun and Lu Han do come down they’re going to be the same. Maybe a little more affectionate in public but Sehun will still be our baby and Lu Han will still be our second-oldest brother. It’s not like it’s going to be much different.”

“Yep,” Chanyeol said cheerfully. “And Suho will still cringe every time he thinks about the fact that his baby isn’t a virgin.”

Baekhyun shot Chanyeol a wicked grin. “Let’s try to prepare him for that now, shall we?”

Chanyeol kissed his cheek. “I love it when you talk dirty pranks with me.”

*

_This was the very first page  
Not where the story line ends_

_I Was Enchanted to meet you_

_*_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Daisy is a basset hound.


	16. Wings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Continuity: Throughout Chapters 2 & 4 of At World's End (The last bit takes place after Chapters 12 and 14 of this work)  
> Kris-centric

Tao was fascinated by Kris’ wings when he was younger. He used to sneak up behind Kris and randomly touch his wings—patting them, twirling the longest feathers between his fingers. Kris secretly loved it, because for one thing he found Tao’s fascination adorable, and he liked having his wings touched, so he did nothing to stop Tao from doing whatever he wanted with his wings.

But when Kris started to learn to fly, Tao’s opinion changed. Suddenly he hated Kris’ wings. He didn’t want his Kris to learn to fly, because then he might fall and get hurt, or else fly away and never come back.

Kris also started winding up in the Healer’s rooms with burning pain in his bones as they hollowed out, which made Tao hate the wings even more. Kris didn’t deserve that much pain, he was too good for that kind of suffering.

When Tao was six he finally confessed these thoughts to Kris. He snuck into his room one night when he was in a lot of pain, and feeling helpless he started to cry and blurted out his true feelings.

To his surprise, Kris laughed.

“This isn’t funny!” Tao yelled tearfully.

“I’m sorry,” Kris gasped. “It’s just…it’s so sweet of you to worry about me like that.”

Kris flipped his bed sheets down and patted the mattress. Tao climbed in and wrapped his arms around Kris’ waist.

“Well somebody has to worry about you,” Tao muttered.

Kris patted his head. “I know, but you don’t have to hate my wings and you certainly don’t have to worry about me flying away. I like my wings and I like flying, but I’ll never leave my baby.”

Tao held out his hand. “Pinkie swear, you’ll never fly away from me.”

Kris nodded and hooked their pinkies together. “I swear.”

* * *

Chanyeol was jealous of Kris’ wings. He’d always wanted to fly, and sometimes he thought that it wasn’t fair that only one person got to have that gift. Watching Kris flutter his wings and soar around the courtyard would make his stomach churn with envy, and he sometimes had to fight to keep a smile on his face.

He’d watch Sehun hug Kris and sneakily grab hold of the edge of his wings, wrapping them around their bodies.

“Bird hug!” Sehun would squeal. Kris would wrap his wings even tighter around the pair of them, sometimes tickling Sehun’s nose with the feathers. Sometimes Kyungsoo would join in, tugging at Kris’ shirt and whining until he was let in on the fun hugs.

Chanyeol wondered if Baekhyun would like to be wrapped up in a pair of wings. He’d nearly picked the wings when the Matron came for him, why didn’t he have the flight affinity too? It wasn’t fair, he wanted the wings so badly.

Once when Chanyeol was watching Kris practice, Kris looked over at him, huge smile plastered on his face, and asked if he wanted to fly.

Chanyeol’s heart leapt into his throat and he nodded.

Kris wasn’t strong enough to take him very high, but he hooked his arms under Chanyeol’s shoulders and lifted him up a few feet. It was the most exhilarating two minutes of his life, and when Kris put him down again, he patted Chanyeol’s shoulder and told him that any time he wanted a ride, he shouldn’t be afraid to ask.

Chanyeol was never jealous of Kris’ wings again, because now he knew he had no reason to be. Kris was willing to share.

* * *

Sometimes Suho would wake up in the middle of the night to Kris’ arms around his waist and face pressed against his shoulder blades. Suho would turn around and Kris would still be awake, eyes wide in the dim light.

“Couldn’t sleep,” he would mumble, and Suho would let him huddle closer and pretend he didn’t know that Kris was crying. Kris had a family just like the rest of them, and he had a baby sibling he had never and probably would never get to see. Who knew if the child was even aware that he existed.

When Kris still couldn’t sleep, Suho would reach one hand behind Kris’ back and search until he found the ridge of a wing, and he’d gently scratch his nails up and down the line of small bones. Kris would shut his eyes and sigh, sometimes arching his back or fluttering his wing to get Suho to scratch harder or move to a different spot. It always helped him to fall asleep.

Kris looked so cute when he was asleep, not that Suho would ever say it out loud. But when he had his head on Suho’s chest, mouth slightly open and totally relaxed, Suho had to remind himself that Kris was in fact a year older than him.

Sometimes Suho would stay awake long after Kris had fallen asleep and run his fingers through the feathers on his wings. His skin was tough, but the feathers were soft and almost silky in some places. It amazed him that these delicate, pretty things could make Kris fly. Of course he knew that they had caused Kris great pain. Sometimes it scared him to think about Kris’ skin ripping apart as the wings unfolded from under his skin, and he’d shiver and pull his hand away.

Suho knew he could have never handled being gifted with flight. He has his cool water tricks, and that was enough for him. No matter how cool it would be to fly, he knew he’d never be as strong as Kris, never strong enough to have wings.

* * *

Chen absolutely loved Kris’ wings, they were like a fluffy blanket that he could wrap himself up in any time he wanted to. Kris never minded Chen curling up in his lap and pulling a wing around himself; he was so small just one was enough to cover him completely. Kris’ wings were the perfect place to hide when he was scared or sad—they were fluffy and dark and warm, and of course they came with Kris, who (in addition to having such nice wings) gave the best hugs in the world.

Of course, Chen wasn’t the only one who liked to use Kris’ wings as their own personal hideout. He had to compete with all the other kids for Kris’ attention. normally he didn’t mind, because again, one wing was enough for him and he didn’t take up much room. It was only when it was Kai he had to share with that things got personal.

Chen stomped his foot and glared at Kris’ lap. “You had your turn already!”

Kai poked his hand out from under a wing and made a shooing motion. Chen folded his arms and pouted.

Kris looked up from his book and sighed. “What am I going to do with the pair of you?”

He pulled his wing out of Kai’s grasp and tilted his head up. “Kai, I have two wings. You only need the one, and Chen needs some hug-time too.”

For a second, Chen thought Kai would argue, but finally he scooted off of Kris’ lap to make room.

Chen would have rather had Kris all to himself, but he was desperate so he crawled under his other wing and huddled into his older brother’s side.

Kai poked him. “I was here first,” he hissed. “You’re not being fair. Why should you always get what you want?”

Chen growled. Kris’ wings blocked most of the light, but he could see enough of Kai’s face to know he was scowling. “It’s your fault any way. You just had to go and tell that story and it freaked me out so now—”

“Oh of course,” Kai said. “It’s always _my_ fault.”

“Well you tease me all the time!” Chen whispered. “And you’re the only one who does it!”

Kai looked furious. “Well, duh! You never do anything unless I tease you!”

Chen gaped at him. “What?!”

“Don’t deny it, all you ever do is sit by yourself and pout. If I didn’t dangle bugs in front of you, you would never even say anything!”

“I talk!” Chen protested tearfully. “I do things! I play 'I Spy' and I tell stories and stuff.”

Kai crossed his arms and frowned. “Never with me.”

Chen opened his mouth and closed it again, thinking back. To tell the truth, he couldn’t remember ever doing anything with Kai that didn’t involve fighting.

“Why didn’t you ask me to play with you?” Chen asked.

Kai scoffed. “We always ask—”

“No,” Chen interrupted. “Why didn’t _you_ ask?”

“Would you have said yes?”

Chen kicked him in the leg. “Yes you dummy! If you had actually stopped teasing me I probably would have!”

“I like teasing you!” Kai fired back, “It’s the only fun thing we do together!”

“You’re impossible!”

“You’re impossibler!”

“That’s not even a word!”

They glared at each other for a few seconds. Kai looked away first. “Would you really have said yes?”

Chen slumped back and shrugged. “Maybe, I don’t know.”

Kai inched closer. Chen eyed him for a second and then held out his hand. Kai took it and laced their fingers together.

“Ask me for real tomorrow,” Chen said. “Maybe I’ll say yes if you can be nice to me.”

Kris grinned to himself. He had long stopped reading his book (it was kinda hard to do with two kids hiding under his wings anyway), now he was just listening to his kids. He loved how everyone seemed to forget that he could hear them when they talked under the cover of his wings.


	17. Friends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Continuity: Takes place after the last chapter, and Post AWE  
> Pairing: Kai/Chen

Kai and Chen did in fact wind up playing together a few times; usually they played Hide and Seek. It was perfect for Chen, who didn’t like loud games like tag and war, and for Kai it had just enough suspense to keep him interested. That didn’t mean everything went according to plan though.

Chen wriggled around on the ground trying to throw Kai off of him. “No tackling allowed in hide and seek!!” He cried, trying to kick Kai’s legs. Kai was pining Chen’s arms to his sides and he was lying at an awkward angle, there was no way he was getting up if Kai didn’t get off.

Kai snorted and laughed. “All is fair in this game, there are no rules!”

“Is so!” Chen said.

“Are so,” Kai corrected.

“Nuh-uh!” Chen yelled.

Kai narrowed his eyes. “I’m always right!” He cried, and then he dug his fingertips into Chen’s ribs.

Chen shrieked and squirmed around, but he was also laughing and smiling. “Stop it!” He shrieked.

Kai smirked and moved his hands up, tickling Chen under his arms.

“KAI! CUT IT OU—AAH!”

It seemed like there wasn’t a single spot on Chen’s body that wasn’t ticklish. Kai flattened himself on top of Chen and locked their legs together to keep Chen from kicking him while he was tickled. Kai didn’t relent until he looked up and saw Kris standing three feet away from them.

“Hi there!” Kai said brightly, sitting up. Chen curled up on the ground, clutching his ribs and panting.

Kris eyed them suspiciously. “Were you guys…playing? With each other?”

Kai nodded. “We were having fun! Right Chen?”

Chen pushed himself up and fixed his hair. “Right. Fun.”

And then he launched himself at Kai, tackling him to the ground and grabbing at his stomach. This time it was Kai’s turn to scream from being tickled.

Kris had watched them for a long time. Later that night Kai overheard him telling Suho about it, and how weird but nice it had been to see them get along.

“Kai really acts like he’s older then Chen, and I can see that Chen looks up to him. I feel like they could be great playmates if they could get along more often,” Kris had commented. Kai had wanted to get along with Chen, and for a while it seemed like it would happen. But it wasn’t long after that they had gone into the woods for the last time. In the time it took for Kai to recover from his encounter with the Darkness, he and Chen drifted apart. They were still friends, and they still talked of course, but they weren’t as close as they had been when they played together for those few times.

* * *

Chen wasn’t afraid of spiders for nothing. When he was four, he’d come down with a dangerously high fever, and while he was lying in bed one day he hallucinated that a spider in the corner of his room had suddenly grown to the size of a horse. It had hovered over him, slowly devouring his legs while he screamed for help, unable to move. After that, it was no wonder that Chen feared spiders more than anything in the world.

Even now, decades old and living on a new planet, he went to great pains to make sure that his environment was free of spiders. He inspected the ground, shook out his sleeping bag multiple times before lying it out, and he never put his shoes on without first shaking them out and kicking them multiple times (just in case). Still, his methods weren’t foolproof, and sometimes he got caught off guard.

They were trying to find Seoul, and they’d stopped in the middle of a forest to make camp for the night. Chen was cold, so he went to put an extra log from their stash of firewood on the fire, and not two seconds after he touched the wood a spider crawled onto his hand. It wasn’t a terribly large spider, but that didn’t matter. Chen was so terrified he could barely even scream. He couldn’t get enough air for the piercing shrieks he could feel building in his stomach, working their way up his throat like bile. As it was Chen could hardly gasp because his panic was literally choking him.

It was Kai who ran over and knocked the spider off his hand, then crushed it into the ground. The creature had been on Chen’s hand for a grand total of three seconds, but everyone knew it could take hours for Chen to truly calm down, he was in the middle of a full blown panic attack.

Chen curled up on the ground, holding his spider infected hand away from himself and pressing his other hand to his mouth to muffle his choked screams. He could hear Xiumin calling for Kris, but again it was Kai who stepped up, pulling Chen out of the dirt and carrying him over to a log. Kai set Chen down and sat next to him to examine his hand.

“It didn’t bite you,” he soothed after a moment, holding Chen’s hand to his chest.

Chen couldn’t even nod, he could only bite down on his wrist and keep his eyes shut against the images of giant arachnids hazy in the front of his mind. Chen whimpered and he felt tears slide down his cheeks. He started to sob and Kai gently tugged his wrist away from his mouth. Chen tried to pull back—he didn’t want to scream—but Kai shook his head.

“Don’t hurt yourself,” he said.

Chen’s breathing became more erratic as he fought not to start screaming, and Kai tapped Chen on the side of his head until he opened his eyes.

“It’s okay,” Kai whispered, “Listen, I want you to breathe with me, alright? We’re going to take a deep breathe, hold it for three seconds, and then let it out slowly. I want you to look at me while we do this, do you understand?”

Chen nodded. He kept his eyes focused on Kai’s face throughout the entire time, and Kai never once looked away from him. After a few minutes Chen stopped having to force himself to breathe slowly and it became more natural. He realized he was squeezing Kai’s hand and slowly loosened his fingers. His panic attacks usually didn’t last more than ten minutes, and soon enough he felt much calmer, though he was completely exhausted. Kai pulled Chen’s head onto his shoulder and Chen curled into his side, burrowing into his jacket. Kai wrapped his arms around Chen’s shoulders and stroked his fingers gently through his hair. After a minute Chen went totally limp against him, eyes shut and on the verge of sleep.

“Wow,” Chen heard Kris say. “That was…wow Kai, you were so good with him. Where did you learn that? I thought you weren’t around when Chen had panic attacks.”

“Sehun had them a few times,” Kai replied, and Chen felt his chest vibrate as he spoke. “I learned how to help him very quickly.”

The next time Chen opened his eyes it was nearly dawn, and he was squished into Kai’s sleeping bag, face buried in Kai’s shirt. He tried to move and realized their legs were tangled together and he literally could not budge without waking Kai up.

His episode from the previous night rushed back to him and he felt himself blush. He covered his face and groaned in embarrassment. He hadn’t had an attack in years because he was so careful, but then he supposed it was inevitable since he was living outside. He’d never liked the aftermath of his attacks, the anxiety that would stay with him for a while afterward and underneath that a burning hatred for his moment of weakness.

Next to him Kai cracked one eye open. “What are you muttering about?” he mumbled, voice thick with sleep.

Chen clapped his hand over his mouth, only just realizing that he had in fact been speaking under his breath for the last few minutes.

“I’m sorry,” Chen said, “I didn’t mean to wake you.”

Kai groaned and flung his arm around Chen’s waist, pulling him closer and burying his face in Chen’s hair.

“Don’t worry about it,” he said. “Seriously. It’s fine.”

Chen squirmed around, trying to get comfortable without getting too much in Kai’s personal space. Kai poked him in the ribs.

“Quite moving,” he said over Chen’s muffled yelp.

“I think my elbow is in your stomach,” Chen protested. Kai sighed.

“I don’t care, you’re warm. You should sleep with me more often.”

Chen stopped squirming. “Are you cold at night?”

Kai shrugged. “Yeah, sometimes.”

Chen pulled away, ignoring Kai’s fingers scrabbling to pull him back, and glared at Kai. “Why didn’t you say anything before?” He demanded. Kai didn’t even open his eyes this time, so the glare was kind of wasted.

Kai shrugged again. “I used to huddle with Sehun, but he’s always with Lu Han now, so I don’t want to bother him, and I didn’t want to ask someone to huddle with me and then find out that they kick in their sleep like Suho does. I usually drag the dogs in with me.”

“Oh,” Chen said. “Do I kick?”

Kai shook his head. “Nah. You’re nice. Not that it mattered, you didn’t let go of me at all last night.”

Chen blushed and cleared his throat. “Um…thank you for helping me last night,” he mumbled.

Kai finally opened his eyes again to give Chen an incredulous look. “Thank…Chen you don’t have to thank me!”

Chen desperately shushed him, as it was still early and everyone was sleeping. Kai glared but lowered his voice.

“What, do you think I was going out of my way to help you? That it was a burden on me or that I somehow regret it? I mean jeez I know I’m no Kris but I’m not heartless.”

Chen gaped at him for a second before his anger flared. “I never said any of that, quit putting words in my mouth! I know you aren’t heartless, and what does Kris have to do with anything?”

Kai snorted. “He’s your favorite.”

Chen really wanted to kick Kai somewhere unpleasant. “I don’t play favorites! Kris is my leader, of course I go to him for a lot but it doesn’t mean I love him best!”

“You’re right,” Kai said. “Because then you slink away from him like you’re the biggest pain in the neck in the universe.”

 _That_ hurt, but Chen tried not to show it. it didn’t work, because he could feel tears gathering in the corners of his eyes.

“If you’re quite done using me as your personal space heater,” Chen snarled, proud of himself for not allowing his voice to break. With that he disentangled himself from the sleeping bag and stalked off into the woods.

For a few minutes he just focused on his anger at Kai for being so accusatory about something so ridiculous. When he’d gone a far enough distance from the campsite, Chen slumped against a tree and started to cry. Kai always seemed to be able find the things he tried to hide and pull them out in the open.

After a while Chen felt something was different and he opened his eyes and looked around. His shoes were lying on the ground in front of him. In his haste to get away from the campsite, he’d left his shoes behind. Chen looked over his shoulder and sure enough, Kai was lurking on the other side of his tree.

“Your feet will get cold if you walk around in your socks,” Kai muttered.

Chen knelt down and pulled on his shoes, trying to discreetly wipe his face on his sleeves, though he knew Kai had seen him crying.

There was a beat of silence and then Kai started to speak.

“I’m sorry, really. Please don’t cry, I didn’t mean to make you cry. I know it’s all I ever seem to do but it’s never my intention. I’m just really stupid and I can’t do anything right, and I need an attitude adjustment and someone should probably put some tape over my mouth because every time I open my mouth lately all I do is piss someone off. But this is about you not me, and I really hate seeing you cry.”

Chen was kind of stunned, because Kai truly sounded like he was in pain, and halfway through the rushed speech Chen realized that Kai was crying, and that broke his heart. It seemed like Kai was about to go on, so Chen rushed around to the other side of the tree. Kai was standing there with his head down and his hands twisted in his shirt. Before he could say another word, Chen pulled Kai away from the tree and threw his arms around his shoulders.

Kai wrapped his arms tightly around Chen’s waist. “I’m sorry,” he whimpered. “I’m sorry for all of it.”

“It’s okay,” Chen managed as Kai started to sob into his shoulder, “I forgive you. I always do.”

They were both crying now, for a few minutes it was all they could do to breathe properly. After a few minutes Kai pulled his face out of Chen’s neck long enough to wipe his eyes.

“I know you don’t play favorites,” he said, staring at the ground. “It’s just…all I ever wanted was to be your friend and for you to like me and all I ever did was screw it up.”

Chen felt his heart break again and he momentarily floundered for words. “I am your friend, I do like you!” He cried.

Kai didn’t look up. “I wouldn’t blame you if you hated me,” he muttered, and Chen could hear that he was crying again. “I know I’ve been awful to you. I shouldn’t have teased you when we were kids.”

Chen shook his head and he grabbed one of Kai’s hands, holding it tightly. “But you never hurt me,” Chen reminded him. “You were just a kid, Kai. You didn’t know any better. I forgave you for that a long time ago.” Chen stepped closer and rested his free hand on the back of Kai’s neck, gently brushing his fingertips through Kai’s hair like he’d seen Suho do when Kai was agitated to calm him.

“Don’t you remember playing with me?” Chen pressed. “We were having so much fun! We got really close!”

“And then we lost it,” Kai said. “Because I had to go fall through the ground.”

“That wasn’t your fault!” Chen cried. “You can’t still blame yourself for that!”

“You blame yourself for your panic attacks,” Kai countered, “And then you somehow convince yourself that you’re a burden to whoever is helping you, because you feel weak and you need to be rescued. How is this any different?”

Chen froze, staring at Kai like he was truly seeing him for the first time. Maybe he was.

“Is that why…is that why you were so mad at me for thanking you? Because…you saw yourself in me,” Chen realized, “And you knew what I was feeling and you didn’t want me to feel that way.”

Kai lowered his gaze again, and Chen knew that he was right.

“By the Tree,” he whispered. “Kai you…” Chen was crying again, and he yanked Kai back and hugged him once more.

“You are a good person,” Chen said through his tears. “And you are my friend.”

Kai clung to him and said meekly, “I really like you Jongdae. A lot more than you know.”

Chen froze at the use of his real name, and his heart fluttered at Kai’s second sentence. What could he possibly mean?

“What do you mean, more than I know?”

Kai didn’t look at him. “I’ve had a crush on you for a long time. It was hard to tell you because well…I didn’t know how to make you like me too. You didn’t like the same things as the others, I never knew how to reach you.”

Chen’s mouth went dry and he was having trouble swallowing. “When did you realize…?”

Kai shrugged. “I guess when we started to play together when we were young. But only in the last few years did it come back to me and really start to intensify. I’m so screwed up Chen, I have so many problems…”

“And?” Chen asked, pulling back. He was torn between wanting to shake Kai and choke him. “Like I don’t have problems?”

Kai blinked at him, looking confused. “What was I supposed to do?” He asked. “Just out of the blue tell you? I wasn’t ready for that, I’m still not sure I can be in a relationship.”

Chen covered his face with his hands and took a shaky breath. It was true, he couldn’t blame Kai for keeping this a secret. He really did have a lot of issues that he was working through, still working through to this day. If he hadn’t been ready, there was nothing he could have done.

“What about now?” Chen asked. “Do you think…you want to try?”

Kai gaped at him. “Do you? Do you even want me after all this?”

“Of course I would!” Chen cried.

Kai blushed and toed the ground shyly. “Even if we’re not that close?”

Chen grabbed Kai’s hand and laced their fingers together. “Then let’s get close, okay? Let’s spend a few months or years talking to each other and spending time together and let’s get to know each other.”

Kai smiled for the first time that morning, hope sparkling in his eyes. “That would be nice.”


	18. Ohana (Part 1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Continuity: Chapters 2 & 4 of AWE  
> Xiumin-centric

_"Ohana" means family. Family means nobody gets left behind, or forgotten._

In one of Minseok’s earliest memories, his older brother is screaming at him.

“It’s your fault mom left, it’s all your fault!”

Minseok, only three years old at the time, hadn’t understood what it meant to be gone. How could a person just vanish, and how could it be someone else’s fault? He didn’t know where his mother was, so why was he to blame? Even so, he understood that his brother was very angry, and he was scared and started to cry. Immediately his aunt rushed over to comfort him, but he shook her off and scurried off to hide in the closet. Later Minseok heard her and his father scolding his older brother and ordering him to apologize.

Minseok can never remember if his brother did apologize, but supposes he must have because the next day they were back to playing together. Well, sort of playing. They mostly walked around town and ran errands for their aunt, because it was better than sitting at home. Their aunt suffered from headaches, so they always had to be quiet, and their father was always sitting at the table with a glass of dark liquid in his hand. Minseok’s brother said it was called wine, and it made people cry. Minseok had once heard his aunt mutter that it was the wine that made his mother leave. At the time, Minseok didn’t know what alcoholism was either.

Either way, it was shortly after that incident that Minseok remembered the mark appearing on his chest. He found it kind of strange now that it appeared so late. Kris said he got his when he was a few months old, even Kai said he had it for a while before his mother saw it. Minseok’s kind of…sprung up overnight. He wondered if it was because of that moment, when he was feeling so awful and so sorry, that the magic latched onto him. The Tree told him that one doesn’t feel the Gift taking hold, it just happens.

When he was four, Minseok came in from the rain to grab his brother and pull him outside.

“Come see what I can do!” He crowed, and he held his hand under the water and showed his brother how he could turn it to frost just before it hit his palm. He’d turned to his brother, expecting a proud smile or even a laugh. What he got was a look of shock and a slap across the face.

“Don’t ever do that again,” his brother warned as Minseok started to cry. “Especially not in front of auntie.”

But Minseok did do it again when he was five. His father was sitting at the table, like usual, and he’d wished out loud that he had some ice. Minseok hadn’t tried to turn anything to frost since his brother had warned him, but he’d really wanted to do something to get his father’s attention. So Minseok poured some water in his palm and, in front of his dad, slowly turned it to ice and dropped it in the cup.

His father had gaped at him for a long time before finally whispering, “In all my years I never…I never even thought that it was true.”

Minseok went to the Northern Sanctuary soon after that. He bid his brother and father goodbye, and his father had promised that he would make Minseok proud, stop drinking and do something with his life. Minseok didn’t know why that suddenly mattered, but his brother hugged him and apologized for hitting him.

“I guess this is good after all,” he whispered.

Minseok didn’t think so. He was the first Guardian to go to the Northern Sanctuary, and for a long time he was very lonely. Many times he would go to the matrons and cry in their arms, telling them that he’d rather go home and never use his gift again than spend another minute in the huge castle. Each time they’d pat his head and promise that it wouldn’t last forever, that soon he would have lots of people to play with, and he would never want to give up his gift.

He’s a little ashamed to admit it, but when Joonmyun first arrived Minseok almost choked him with his hugs. Even weeks later at random intervals Minseok would throw his arms around Joonmyun and sob into his neck that he was just so happy not to be alone anymore. Joonmyun was thin and shy, and his eyes were too big for his face but he had a bright, warm smile. He was a bit flustered by Minseok’s attention, because he’d never had someone that focused on him before, indeed he’d also never had someone to give that kind of attention to in return. For a few weeks they kind of danced around each other, smiling and awkwardly holding doors open for each other (except for those hugs Minseok lavishes on Joonmyun), but once they realized that together they could make some of the best snowballs in the world, they become best friends.

They really are like twins when it comes to their gifts, after all Joonmyun controls water and Minseok freezes it, so they worked quite well together. They worked together even better when Chanyeol and Jongdae showed up, and Joonmyun’s paternal side came out (never mind that he was only six years old) and Minseok realized that he was, in fact, the oldest and was looked up to as such. He had a lot of fun playing with Chanyeol and Jongdae, leading them around the Sanctuary, helping them with their schoolwork and being in general an older brother figure.

Years later, when all the Guardians had all come together and suddenly they need to assemble a legitimate group, Minseok—now Xiumin—was a serious candidate for leadership of the Northern group. At least, he was until he was placed with the Southerners, who already had a leader. It’s quite a relief, because he could never be a leader.

The biggest problem he now had was fitting into a pre-established group. The Southerners had known each other for years now, and they were like family. Xiumin were Chen were outsiders, and they had to fit in or else everything they had been training for would be for nothing. It was nerve-wracking and poor, sensitive Chen had expressed his displeasure with the situation on more than one occasion.

To help them integrate, the teachers arranged for several “team-building exercises for the new Southern Guardian group. It was horribly awkward at first, with everyone being careful of what they said and how they pronounced it. Chen had a minor slip-up at one point and when he made a joke he got blank stares from the other four. Immediately Chen looked down at the ground and Xiumin just knew he was crying. He crawled across the floor and hugged Chen tightly, murmuring that it’s okay, he doesn’t have to be shy. At that point Chen started to sob and the other boys freaked out.

“What happened?” Lu Han yelped. “Did we do something wrong?”

“What did he say?” Tao stuttered. “I-I didn’t catch it…”

Yixing opened and closed his mouth and then curled up on the ground in defeat.

Chen wailed that now he’d gone and made a mess of everything.

Kris looked at the lot of them and sighed hopelessly. He met Xiumin’s eyes and shrugged, and it looked like he was ready to cry too.

Xiumin hauled Chen to his feet. “Group hug,” he yelled.

Everyone looked up at him.

“Group hug?” Kris repeated.

Xiumin nodded.

“Group hug,” Kris said again, and wrapped his arms around Chen and Xiumin.

Everyone followed suit, and after a moment Chen stopped crying.

“I’m sorry,” he hiccupped. “I…that happens a lot to me. I have issues.”

Tao gently brushed the tears off Chen’s face. “Lu Han cried a lot when he came to the Sanctuary, didn’t you, Lu Han?”

Lu Han nodded and smiled. “I was supposed to come to the Sanctuary when I was six, but there was storm and it washed away the train tracks. I stayed with my family for another year, and we kind of got closer during that time. When I had to leave, I was really sad to say goodbye. I missed them so much, all I wanted to do was cry…but it was our first meeting, and I didn’t want to leave a bad impression.”

Chen was listening with rapt attention, his never leaving Lu Han.

Lu Han smiled and ruffled Tao’s hair. “You were only three years old and yet you walked right up to me and told me that it was okay for me to cry.”

“We all cried on that day,” Kris added quietly.

Chen gaped at him. “Really? All of you?”

Kris nodded. “We were all scared and nervous, and we talked about our families a lot, and it made us sad…but we were all there for each other, and we realized that we were one big family now.”

“And now we have an even bigger family,” Yixing said. “And that’s really cool, because now we have more shoulders to cry on!”

“Yixing,” Kris groaned.

Xiumin laughed. “No, it’s true, we’re all a little messed up, but it’s okay because we have each other to lean on.”

Xiumin could almost feel the tension melting away and for the first time he looked at the other boys as his brothers.

Even so, there were things he hid from them. Sometimes there are things you can only talk about with your best friend.

Not long after the Southerners joined them, Xiumin grabbed Suho’s hand after meditation and tugged him down the hall, away from the other kids. This was nothing new, nobody would worry about them; they’d be back in time for dinner and everything would go back to normal. Xiumin led the way to the back of the Sanctuary, out the old door that sometimes got stuck open on rusty hinges. Together they squeezed through an old fence that once kept wild dogs out and walked in silence for a moment until they came to the pond. Everyone loved this place, especially in the spring when the lilies would bloom and you could see baby rabbits if you were really quiet (and left Chanyeol home). But it was late fall at the time and a little too cold for anyone besides Xiumin and Suho. The two of them walked out on to the dock, still holding hands, and sat down. The water was too low for them to worry about getting wet, so they let their feet dangle over the edge.

Suho’s hand was cold, and Xiumin rubbed his fingers to warm them up.

“What’s on your mind?” Suho asked.

Xiumin took a deep breath. “A few years ago, just before I found my mark, my older brother told me that it was my fault our mom left.”

He went silent for a few seconds after that and gripped Suho’s hand tighter. When he spoke again he was trying not to cry. “It happened a while ago but I’ve just been thinking about it lately. Now that I’m a Guardian…now that I know that others had their parents abandon them…well, was he right? Was it my fault?”

Suho put his arm around Xiumin’s shoulder and tugged him down, allowing Xiumin to cry into his cloak.

“You can’t think like that,” Suho said. “You’ll drive yourself crazy. And anyway, it’s not like you could control what family you were born into and when, right?”

Xiumin sniffed and lifted his head slightly. “I guess not but still…why’d it have to happen to me? Why’d it have to happen to _us_?”

He felt Suho flinch. “I don’t know,” he said after a moment. “But…if it hadn’t happened, we wouldn’t be friends.”

Xiumin sighed. “Would you pick me over a family?”

Suho suddenly started laugh. Xiumin sat up and glared at him for a second before Suho grabbed his shoulders and shook him.

“But that’s what’s so great about it,” he cried, smiling brightly. “You are my family. You’re the only family I’ll ever need, you and the others.”

Xiumin wanted to scream that it was different for him, he’d never had a family and he didn’t know what it was like to lose one.

But then Xiumin froze. Had he ever actually had a family? Sure, it wasn’t like his father and brother abandoned him, but it wasn’t like they ever as close as Xiumin was with his new brothers now. He couldn’t remember ever playing with his brother the way he did with Chanyeol and Chen, he never went to his father when he had a nightmare like he now did to Suho, and there were a million things he did with Kai, Sehun, Baekhyun that had been infinitely more meaningful to him than he ever remembered them being before.

Xiumin started to cry again, but he was also smiling. It was heartbreaking to think that maybe he hadn’t had a family, but it was also nice to know that he had one now.

Suho seemed to get it. He hugged Xiumin again and held onto him for a long time, just letting him cry on his shoulder.

“It won’t hurt as much in the future,” Suho whispered. “It’ll hurt even less when you think about the eleven boys who love you.”

Xiumin took a few shaky, calming breaths and he pulled away from Suho.

“Are you alright?” Suho asked.

“I will be,” Xiumin promised. He was kind of lying, because he didn’t feel like he would be okay, but in the end it turned out to be true. He could never replace the family he had lost, but he could find a new one with his friends. Maybe it wasn’t the same, but Xiumin found that as long as he had them, he didn’t mind at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title and epigraph inspired by/ taken from the movie "Lilo and Stitch".


	19. Ohana (Part 2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Continuity: Pre-AWE, Chapters 2 & 4 of AWE  
> Suho-Centric

Joonmyun was born in one of the most inhospitable environments on the planet—the Northern Circle. The temperature never went above freezing, houses were built on icy lakes and it snowed constantly. There was no wood, no stone, no actual running water. Buildings were made of ice, fires burned solely on animal fat and to drink water you first had to melt the snow.

It was in this environment that Joonmyun was found, alone and almost starved to death, when he was three years old. A fisherman had been coming home from his favorite fishing spot and spotted a set of tracks, which had appeared to be human but were too tiny to have belonged to anyone but a child. It was snowing already and there was a blizzard coming; the man knew that anyone left alone wouldn’t survive, so he followed the trail and found Joonmyun. According to stories Joonmyun heard growing up, he’d been walking around in circles calling for his mother.

Joonmyun doesn’t remember calling for anyone, but he does remember being alone. He also remembers that he had been terrified, hungry and cold. The hood of his fur-lined cloak wouldn’t stay up because of the wind, and he had snow down his back and on his neck, and he couldn’t even cry because his tears froze on his cheeks.

The fisherman rushed Joonmyun back to his village, and with the blizzard barreling down quickly they took shelter in the man’s shop. It was there that Joonmyun (supposedly) whispered his name to the man and then fell unconscious. Throughout the blizzard he kept Joonmyun wrapped up in blankets and by the fire, when he woke up the man fed him bites of soup and dried fish. Once the storm was over the man took Joonmyun around the village and asked everyone if they knew who he was, but none of them had seen Joonmyun before. They asked Joonmyun about his family, but he couldn’t answer them. He didn’t talk for almost six months after that, and the doctors said he was in a state of shock.

The fisherman took Joonmyun back to his house. He and his wife already had six children, three of whom were his wife’s sisters children—they adopted them after the woman died. Joonmyun was the third youngest, and he spent most of his time helping his adoptive mother care for her two babies. The older children left Joonmyun to his own devices in the beginning, mostly because they didn’t know what to do with him. He was supposedly an odd child, when he wasn’t playing with the babies he would sit by the door, staring at the floor. It was almost as though he was waiting for something.

Many times people tried to get him to talk about his past, but he never said anything. When asked, his face would go totally blank and he would cover his ears. After he finally started to talk, Joonmyun said that he couldn’t remember anything, all he remembered was being surrounded by snow and the fisherman. Really Joonmyun didn’t even remember that day too well. The fisherman said that he said his name was Joonmyun, but in all honesty he had no clue. It was a good name, so he didn’t complain.

Joonmyun liked his adoptive parents well enough, and he didn’t mind his older adoptive siblings. They were pretty fun to play with, and the girls liked him because he let them carry him around and play with his hair. The only problem was that sometimes when they were playing games like tag or follow the leader, Joonmyun would get left behind because he couldn’t run fast enough. The doctors who examined him said that he had been malnourished from a young age, and he would always be a little smaller and frailer then other kids his age. When he was three, four, five years old, he would often find himself tumbling to the ground, his legs just not long or strong enough to take him as fast as he wanted to go. Many times his adoptive mother would come out of the house to find Joonmyun alone in the snow, crying quietly because he’d been left behind. She’d carry him into the house and let him sit on her lap while she mended old clothes. When the older kids came back she always made them apologize for leaving him alone.

It was a while before anyone noticed Joonmyun’s mark. It wasn’t exactly like he was walking around half naked in the cold environment, plus it was on his back so even he didn’t see it. Joonmyun knew he could do things with water, but he never tried it in front of people. Finally, shortly after he turned five, the mark was discovered, and the matrons came to collect Joonmyun and take him to the Northern Sanctuary. The goodbye wasn’t too difficult, after all it wasn’t like he was leaving his family. Joonmyun liked these people well enough, but at the end of the day they were just strangers who had been taking care of him for a short time. It was like they all knew he wouldn’t be staying for too long.

Meeting Minseok had been a nerve wracking ordeal, because aside from his adoptive siblings he’d never met another child his age before. The town he’d been adopted into was full of babies and older children, and he couldn’t remember playing with anyone before age three. What was he supposed to do with Minseok?

Of course, he didn’t have to worry, Minseok loved him right from the start. Joonmyun was more than a little surprised when, upon their first meeting, Minseok nearly tackled him with a hug and cried into his shoulder, blubbering about how lonely he was. Within a few days, Joonmyun understood. The Sanctuary was unbearably lonely. It was huge, damp and even though there were adults all over the place, a child could go mad by himself. So when Minseok would sneakily grab hold of Joonmyun’s hand while they were walking or sitting in class, Joonmyun wouldn’t try to pull away. After a week he asked Minseok if he wanted to do outside and play, and that was when they discovered that they could make the best snowballs in the world. They quickly became best friends, the two oldest boys in a family of eight, and even though later Kris and Lu Han would push Joonmyun—then Suho—down a few spots, he never stopped feeling like he was the big brother. Minseok was like his crutch, no matter what he knew he could always lean on his best friend.

The only thing he never told Minseok about, not even when they were older, was his nightmares. That part of his life he saved for Kris.

It wasn’t even like Suho had planned to tell Kris, it just happened that one night Kris came to him when he’d had a nightmare, and Suho let him stay in his room. A few hours later Suho woke up crying and Kris saw him. Caught in his moment of weakness, Suho spilled the one secret he had.

“I think my mom died…and I think my village abandoned me.”

Suho buried his face in his hands and started to sob even harder. After a minute he felt the bed dip and Kris’ arms went around his shoulders.

“I thought you didn’t remember anything…” he murmured. “Do you want to talk about it?”

Suho dug his fingers into Kris’ nightshirt and forced himself to calm down enough to be understood.

“I don’t have clear pictures, but I remember a few things…I remember poking someone, I guess my mother, and yelling for her to wake up. Then there were a lot of people, one of them grabbed me and pulled me outside. It was snowing so hard I couldn’t see anything. I screamed for whoever it was to take me back and they hit me and told me to be quiet. I think we were on a wolf-sled, we traveled a long way and it was so cold…then I’m alone. And I turn around and around, I scream for my mother and I start to cry and it’s so cold and I’m so scared and lonely…”

Suho had started to shake and his teeth were chattering. It was dark in his room and he could barely see anything but a slit of moonlight through the curtains, and it was like being back out there in the snowstorm. Suho could feel the snow and ice stinging his face and the cold wind whipping his hair around, bowling him over and making him disoriented. Terrified, he hid his face in Kris’ shoulder and Kris held him tighter, gently stroking his hair.

“You’re not there anymore,” Kris said, softly but firmly. “You’re out of the storm, you’re out of the Northern Circle.”

Suho continued to cry, and he clutched Kris’ shirt tighter and whimpered, “I don’t want to leave, I don’t want to leave…why won’t she wake up?”

Kris pulled back and took Suho’s face in his hands, tilting his head back until they were eye to eye.

“Look at me,” he said. “Suho, it’s Kris. I’m your friend.”

Suho blinked and hiccupped. “Where…?”

“We’re at the Sanctuary. It’s okay now, I’m here for you.”

Suho grabbed Kris’ wrist and clung to him. “I don’t want to be alone,” he sobbed. “Please don’t leave me alone…”

“I won’t,” Kris whispered. Suho hadn’t known it at the time, but Kris was crying too. “I’m right here, okay? I won’t leave you.”

Suho didn’t have any more nightmares that night. The next morning Suho barely remembered his break down, all he remembered was telling Kris about his past. Kris lied to the matrons and told them Suho wasn’t feeling well and asked that the two of them be left alone. They complied and the pair of them got out of lessons for the day. They spent the whole day curled up in Suho’s bed, hands clasped and foreheads pressed together. Around noon Suho finally spoke.

“I read one of the old Guardian’s diaries. She said her mother abandoned her in a forest because she thought her child was evil. I wonder if my village thought I was evil…maybe they thought I killed my mother and that’s why they abandoned me.”

Kris squeezed his hand. “You don’t believe that do you? That you were responsible?”

Suho shrugged. “I don’t remember anything…it might be true.”

“ _It’s not_ ,” Kris hissed. “You can’t think like that! You were practically a baby Suho, what they did to you was awful. There’s no way a three year old could kill anyone!”

“Maybe not directly,” Suho said, “But what if every time she looked at me she got depressed? What if the other villagers hated her because of me?”

Kris shook his head. “Were you hungry when you were taken away? Were you weak or dizzy?”

Suho was confused. “No…not really.”

“Then she fed you,” Kris said, “And she stayed with you even when she was dying. She must have loved you Suho. If she didn’t why would she stay? Why would you want to stay with her?” Kris paused for a second and sighed. “I don’t know if I’m explaining it right…but when I left I didn’t beg to stay with my parents. I was sad to go, but it wasn’t because I wanted to stay with them. I guess I was just upset at how much I wanted to leave, you know?”

“I do know,” Suho whispered. “And actually you did explain it pretty well. I get it, and you’re right. She must have loved me.” He smiled even as he started to cry again.

“Are you going to be okay?” Kris asked.

Suho nodded and rubbed his eyes. “I will be. Even though she’s gone, it’s nice to believe that it wasn’t my fault, and even if it was she loved me anyway.”

Kris held out his arms and Suho wriggled closer, snuggling into his chest.

“Everyone loves you, Suho,” Kris said. “They can’t help it. You’re just amazing like that.”

Suho blushed and laughed, Kris laughing with him. After a moment Suho looked up shyly and tapped Kris’ arm.

“What’s up?” Kris asked.

“Even amazing people have nightmares sometimes…” Suho said.

Kris smiled and ruffled his hair. “And when they do that’s when they go to their friends. That’s what friends are for after all.”


	20. Lost Wings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Continuity: Chapter 4 of AWE  
> Kris-centric

Kris shivered and clutched his blanket around his shoulders. The Healers said he was in shock, he wasn’t really cold, but the knowledge didn’t make him stop shivering. He was lying on his side, keeping his weight off his injured wing. He’d broken it while practicing flying, and even though the bones were already starting to heal he’d need a few weeks to make sure the tissue and nerves in his wing would be alright. Unfortunately that meant no flying.

Kris whimpered, half from pain and half from sheer misery. He pulled his blanket over his head and allowed himself to cry again.

He felt a tap on his shoulder and groaned.

“You have a visitor,” one of the Healers told him.

Kris didn’t move or respond. After a moment he felt his bed dip and a hand on his shoulder.

“Krissy?”

There was only one person in the world who called him that. Kris pushed his blanket back and saw Sehun’s face inches from his own. But…Sehun’s hands were on the bed in front of him. Who’s hand was on his shoulder…?

Kris looked around and realized that all of his brothers were gathered around his bed. He quickly sat up and wiped his eyes.

“What are you all doing here?” He asked, and then cleared his throat when he realized how hoarse he sounded. “You should be in bed, it’s late.”

Lu Han looked like he wanted to laugh. “That’s just like you, always worried about everybody else even when you’re clearly hurting.”

“We wanted to see you of course,” Chen piped up from the foot of the bed.

Kris managed to smile through the pain. “Thanks, but I’m—”

“If you say you’re fine I will go to your room and tear up all your homework,” Xiumin threatened.

Kris shook his head, then stopped as the room started to spin. “Really, it’s okay you should go to bed…”

“We don’t want to,” Tao protested, looking like he had been crying as much as Kris had, “We’re going to stay with you tonight. Whether you like it or not.”

Kris glared at Suho. “Help me,” he hissed.

Suho nodded. “Okay, tell me what I should do, but don’t tell me to make them leave.”

Kris floundered for a moment. He wasn’t used to everyone blatantly defying his wishes like this. They all knew he didn’t like the younger kids visiting him while he was in pain, they didn’t need to see it.

“Kris,” Kyungsoo said, “Please, we want to stay with you.”

“You stay with us when we’re sick, or scared,” Kai added, “It’s our turn to do that for you now.”

As much as Kris wanted to be strong in front of his kids and show them what a good, reliable leader and big brother he was, he found that he just couldn’t anymore and for a brief second he hated himself for it. He felt the tears come again and he didn’t bother to hide them, he knew there was no point.

“But that’s not your job,” Kris choked out. “You’re not supposed to worry about me.”

Suho sat down next to Kris, placing his hand on Kris’ cheek. “It’s okay,” he said gently, brushing the tears away with his thumb. “You will always be our big brother and we will always be proud of you and admire you for everything you do, but don’t shut us out when we try to help.”

“I’m not…I wasn’t trying to…” Kris sobbed. Suho pulled him closer and let him cry into his shoulder.

“We know,” he said. “It’s hard for you to accept help. Maybe you can start by just telling us how you really feel right now?”

Kris took a shaky breath. “My wing is freaking killing me and my head is spinning and I feel nauseous, but more than anything…I just want to fly again.”

Chanyeol sat down on his other side, careful not to jostle his injured wing, and rested his hand on Kris’ back. “You will fly again soon. But until then let us take care of you, okay?”

Kris sat up and looked around at his best friends. “You guys are the best,” he said, “And I love you so much.”

Tao crawled up on the bed and gave Kris a hug. “We love you too.”

Kris spent two weeks in the Healers room recuperating. After day three they had to move him to a bigger bed because every night eleven other boys would show up in their pajamas and fall asleep on his bed, whether there was enough room or not.


	21. Smile for Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Continuity: Chapter 2  
> Kai, Suho-centric

It started after the renaming ceremony, when the two of them became Kai and Suho. Suho had told Kai that with his new name, he’d need a new attitude. That hadn’t gone over with Kai well, and he resisted Suho’s attempts to teach and civilize him every step of the way.

Minseok had once asked Suho why he hadn’t given up on Kai, but to be honest the idea had never even occurred to Suho to do such a thing. Firstly, giving up was not in his vocabulary—never had been, never would be. Secondly, he loved Kai too much to give up on him. He may have been a brat, he may have bitten and kicked Suho countless times, screamed at him and run from him, but Suho loved him.

The first time Suho told Kai that he loved him, he’d been tucking Kai into bed.

“Goodnight, I love you,” Suho told him. Kai had smacked him with his pillow.

“Don’t lie to me, you don’t love me.” Kai growled.

Suho had been shocked for a half second (more from the whack with the pillow than anything) before he grinned. “I’m not lying, I love you.”

“Do not!” Kai insisted.

“Do so,” Suho countered, and he pulled Kai into his lap and hugged him tightly.

Kai shrieked. “Let go! Get off me!”

Suho only hugged him tighter. “Can’t do that, I love you too much.”

“You’re such a weirdo,” Kai yelled into his ear. Still Suho didn’t let go.

Eventually Kai stopped squirming and resorted to glaring. “Why do you think you love me? I’m rotten.”

Suho thought about it for a minute. “You aren’t rotten,” he said. “You’re badly behaved, but your behavior doesn’t have to mean that you’re bad or that I can’t love you.”

“You have to be good for people to love you,” Kai whined.

Suho ruffled Kai’s hair. “You’re a good person Kai, I know you are. You just think you aren’t because you grew up thinking something about you was bad, and it’s not true.”

Kai had nothing to say to that. Suho wasn’t holding onto him all that tightly anymore, but Kai hadn’t tried to get away.

“What’s good about me?” Kai asked.

Suho pulled back a bit so he could look at Kai as he ticked off all the things he could think of. “You’re funny, you have nice handwriting, you never raise your voice to Sehun even when he bothers you, you have a pretty smile and a bright mind…”

Suho stopped because Kai had lifted his hands to his face. “You think my smile is pretty?” He asked.

“Yes,” Suho affirmed. “I don’t get to see it often, but it is absolutely dazzling. It changes your whole face.”

“How so?” Kai demanded.

Suho thought for a moment. “It makes your face light up.”

Kai bit his lip and then the corner of his mouth twitched up. “Really?”

Suho grinned. “I wouldn’t lie to you ever.”

Kai looked up shyly, but he was smiling. Suho tapped his nose and grinned playfully.

“There’s my smiley boy,” He said, then his kissed Kai’s forehead. “I love you baby.”

As he was walking out of the room, Kai called to him. “I really like you hyung.”

It made Suho happier than he’d ever imagined it would.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This and the previous one were originally posted together because they were two short for separate updates.


	22. Heart and Soul

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Continuity: Chapter 2 of AWE, takes place directly after chapter 20 of this story.  
> Tao-centric  
> Warning: If this doesn’t make you cry well then I will just never make you cry.

Tao had no memory of his parents reaction to his affinity. They didn’t even know it existed until he stood in front of his mother, dripping water all over the floor. He told her he’d been playing in the rain, but she hadn’t seen him go out. Tao told her he froze the rain and everything else, and went outside to try to walk between the drops.

That’s the clearest memory Tao has of his life before the Sanctuary. The next thing he has is Kris. He remembers Kris meeting him for the first time and giving him a funny look. From that point on, all his childhood memories involve Kris in some way or another. Tao doesn’t have the words to say how much Kris means to him, or how much he loves him. Nothing makes him happier than seeing Kris happy, and when Kris is hurt or upset, Tao feels like his world is off kilter.

When Kris injured his wing, Tao spent the first night in the healers room with all the other kids, but he didn’t sleep well. The moral from one of the stories they’d studied in class was echoing through his head, keeping him up all night.

Two days later Tao was playing with some of the older kids when he ran into Sehun (who wasn’t playing) by accident. Sehun fell to the ground hard but quickly got up. Lu Han rushed over and inspected Sehun for injuries. Lay ran over too and put his hand on Tao’s shoulder, but Tao pushed him off and glared furiously at Sehun.

“What’s the matter with you?” Tao yelled, and everyone in the yard jumped and stared. “Can’t you watch where you’re going?”

There was one unspoken rule in the group, and that was that no matter how angry you were, you never, ever yelled at Sehun; his speech problem made it nearly impossible for him to defend himself verbally, so rather than make him even more upset it was better to stay calm with him. Tao normally never yelled at anyone, but was anything but calm at the moment and he didn’t care that he’d just done something totally out of character.

Lay took Tao’s hand and Sehun’s hand. “I’ve got this,” he called to Suho as he led the two of them off to the side. The game had resumed, but Tao could still feel eyes on his back.

Lay knelt down in front of Sehun and took his hands. “Are you hurt anywhere?”

Sehun shook his head. He didn’t look like he was upset, just a little bewildered. Lay put his hand on Tao's back.

“Tao was afraid that he had hurt you,” Lay explained to Sehun. “When you fell he was very scared. He didn’t mean to yell at you, he was just a little upset at himself. Tao is sorry for that, aren’t you Tao?”

Tao nodded, having calmed down enough to be genuinely regretful. “I’m sorry Sehun-ah, I really didn’t mean to yell.”

Sehun smiled and hugged Tao tightly. “No ouchies,” he promised. “Sehun is sorry too.”

Having made up they went back to join the others, and no more was said of it. Still, there was one person who wasn’t going to let it go.

* * *

  
Kai was curled up on Kris’ bed, resting his head on his leg. Suho was on Kris’ other side, telling him about lessons and other boring things. After a moment the door swung open and Tao came barreling in, clambering up onto the bed to throw his arms around Kris' neck.

Kris kissed Tao’s forehead and pulled him down next to him. “That was an enthusiastic hello,” he remarked. “You okay?”

Tao nodded and leaned his head on Kris’ shoulder. “I just miss you.”

Kai picked his head up. “How can you miss him, you were only in the bathroom for ten minutes.”

Tao sat up. “I don’t expect you to understand,” he snarled.

Kris put one hand on each of their shoulders. “Calm down you two,” he said. “Tao, there’s no need to get snippy with Kai. Kai, Tao meant that he misses the way things were before all this, and I’ve told you before that you need to watch your tone. you have a habit of sounding accusing when you really shouldn’t.”

The two of them backed down and stayed quiet for the rest of the afternoon. Tao didn’t see the looks that Kris and Suho exchanged.

* * *

  
Just before breakfast the next day, Tao bumped into Kai as he was walking into the dining hall.

“Sorry,” he said at once, but Kai glared at him.

“What’s wrong with you?” He growled, keeping his voice low so Suho wouldn’t overhear. “Why don’t you watch where you’re going?”

Tao felt his temper flare but was determined not to show it. “Sorry, I’ll be more careful.”

“You’d better,” Kai said. “Because if you ever yell at Sehun again, I will hurt you.”

Tao narrowed his eyes. “What’s your problem?”

“Your attitude,” Kai fired back. “And I’m not the only one who noticed it either. Suho told Kris about how you’ve been acting.”

“Liar,” Tao said, “How would you know?”

“They were talking loudly and I overheard.”

“You were eavesdropping,” Tao accused, “You know how Suho feels about that.”

Kai smirked at him. “And how do you suppose Kris feels now that his precious baby is becoming a bad kid?”

Later Tao wouldn’t even remember moving his hand, only the resounding slap that echoed around the room.

“What the hell is going on over there?” Suho gasped, finally noticing the two of them. He ran over and turned Kai’s face towards him. Finding it relatively undamaged, he turned his attention towards Tao.

“Apologize right now.”

Tao gaped at Suho. “What? He started it, he was egging me on!”

Suho had a policy that whoever started a fight had to apologize first, and Tao hadn’t started this. But Suho also didn’t tolerate hitting at all.

“Regardless Tao, you don’t hit and you know better than that,” Suho said firmly.

Tao could feel tears stinging his eyes and he pointed at Kai. “And he doesn’t?!”

“Kai will apologize too,” Suho said, “After you do so.”

It just wasn’t fair, Suho didn’t even know the whole story, and Tao was about to tell him as much but the look on Suho’s face stopped him.

“I’m sorry,” He mumbled, not sounding sorry at all, but he looked Kai in the eyes so Suho let it slide. Kai’s tone was sincere as he apologized, but the look on his face wasn’t.

Nobody else had witnessed the event but when they all sat down to eat they knew something was off. Tao picked at his food without eating much, and Lay kept trying to get him to eat more.

“He’s just mopey because he got yelled at,” Kai said.

Suho glared at him. “Kai, that’s enough. Nobody got yelled at, and don’t use that tone.”

Tao didn’t answer at all, just slumped down in his seat and pushed his plate away. “It tastes like cardboard,” he muttered to Lay in Southern dialect.

Lay pet his hair and bent down to whisper in his ear, “I’ll try to find you some fruit later, okay?”

Tao loved fruit, but he probably wouldn’t eat it. He was too upset for an appetite.

Suho seemed to think that Tao’s mood was his fault, and maybe he was feeling regretful for how he handled the situation that morning. For the rest of the day Suho kept his eyes on Tao and tried to talk to him, but Tao remained unresponsive.

Kai cornered Tao not long before dinner and pulled him into an empty corridor.

“I don’t even care that you hit me,” he said, keeping his hand on Tao’s arm so he couldn’t run away, “Because I would have done the same thing. But you really need to fix whatever it is that’s bothering you, and you need to do it soon.”

Tao didn’t answer Kai, didn’t even look at him. He didn’t look at anybody that evening, and he almost didn’t even go to see Kris after dinner. It was only because Lu Han carried him in that he wound up sitting at the side of Kris’ bed, keeping his head down and not saying anything.

After only a few minutes Kris stopped talking midsentence to put his hand under Tao’s chin and try to get him to look up.

“Are you crying?” He asked quietly. Tao sniffled in response and Kris stroked his cheek. “What’s the matter, baby?”

Tao swallowed and whispered so faintly that he was sure nobody would hear him, “Be careful what you wish for.” Then he doubled over, sobbing into the sheets.

There was a minor commotion in the room and someone lifted Tao onto the bed. He couldn’t see through his tears but he knew when Kris tried to hug him, and Tao almost threw him off.

“It’s my fault that you got hurt,” Tao sobbed. “It’s all my fault!”

Kris frantically tried to wipe the tears from Tao’s face. “No, baby that’s not true.”

“It is!” Tao screamed. “Don’t you remember what I said to you? Two years ago I—”

“I remember,” Kris interrupted, and he grabbed Tao and pulled him into his lap. He spoke quietly, whispering into Tao’s ear.

“You didn’t want me to fly away from you and leave you behind.”

If possible, Tao sobbed even harder.

Kris put his hand under Tao’s chin and picked his head up. “Breathe,” he ordered firmly, “You’re going to make yourself throw up.”

Actually Tao had done that several times over in the course of the day, he had nothing left in him to heave up. He pulled out of Kris’ grasp and hung his head.

“I’m sorry,” he whimpered. “I’m so sorry, I never meant for you to get hurt…”

Kris pulled Tao forward until his head thunked against his chest. “Don’t you get it though?” He asked, “That’s why this can’t be your fault. Tao, you don’t have a malevolent bone in your body. You were scared and you didn’t want to be alone.”

Kris kept his voice low, leaning down so that nobody could even see his lips moving. “That’s all you wanted was for me to stay with you, and you would have wanted that even if I didn’t have wings. So even if I couldn’t have flown, you would have been afraid of my leaving you.”

Kris picked Tao’s head up again and this time Tao didn’t pull away. “But you’re not afraid of that anymore, right?” Kris asked. His eyes were teary but he was smiling so kindly that Tao finally started to calm down.

“You know I’ll never leave you, you know I love you, and I could never, ever blame you for something like this.”

“But—” Tao started, and Kris tugged Tao closer, tucking his head under his chin and holding him.

“It wasn’t your fault,” he whispered, over and over until Tao finally stopped crying and started to believe it. By that point Tao was totally exhausted and all he wanted to do was stay in Kris’ arms for the rest of his life.

There were still ten other boys in the room, though they had moved to another bed to give Tao and Kris some space. Watching the two of them interact, Suho almost started to cry himself.

“Tao really adores him,” Suho said, “By the Tree I just…he’s so young and to see the way he looks up to Kris…and Kris is so good with him.”

“Well for a long time all they had was each other,” Lay whispered back. “But it is really touching. Even the little things they do…if you really pay attention you notice that even the way they look at each other is incredible.”

After a short pause, Suho spoke again. “We should let them be alone.”

When the group came back the next morning, they found Kris and Tao curled around each other, so tightly embraced that they could scarcely tell whose legs belonged to who. But Tao and Kris were just like that; always together, always so close that they may as well have been one person. It was like their hearts and souls had been one, separated into two bodies. Though they loved their friends very much, they loved each other specially.

Even so, only a month later when watching Kris finally fly again did Tao finally let go of his feelings of guilt for the accident.


	23. Where Did You Go?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Continuity: Pre-Chapter 1 of AWE  
> Suho-centric  
> Warning: MAJOR ANGST AHEAD.

Suho’s fingernails dug into his palms and he bit his lip to keep it from quivering.

They’d agreed they would wait for Lay, Chen and Baekhyun for two weeks before they left Hong Kong and started to look for the rest of their group. Lay, Chen and Baekhyun had agreed to the same thing if they got there first and had to wait for Suho, Chanyeol, Xiumin and Kyungsoo. Suho’s memory was so bad by now that he couldn’t even remember the names of the missing boys most of the time, just that he needed to find five members of his family. Now it looked like he would be missing eight.

Chanyeol was not taking this well. He was sitting on the ground and openly weeping while Xiumin tried to comfort him.

“We agreed on this,” Xiumin said, “We all agreed right before we got on the boat.”

Tears dripped down Chanyeol’s cheeks faster than Xiumin could wipe them away. “Don’t cry,” Xiumin pleaded. “We’ll find them. We’ll find them all.”

Chanyeol reached out blindly and grabbed Suho’s leg. “C-can’t we wait a little longer?” He whimpered. “Just one more day?”

Suho swallowed a lump in his throat and reached down to pet Chanyeol’s hair.

“We can only wait until sundown,” he said firmly. “Then we need to go get on the train.”

Suho hardly thought any more time would have made a difference, be it one hour or one day. If the other three were going to arrive, they would have done so by now. They couldn’t sit and wait for a month, it wouldn’t make sense; that was time they needed to look for their fellow Guardians and the other half of the tree’s heart.

The pier was mostly deserted, the few people who were standing around were too drunk or drugged to notice anything. Suho looked over to where Kyungsoo sat a few feet away, clutching the box containing their half of the Tree’s heart. He looked completely blank, which Suho knew was a coping method. In the hour before the sunset, Chanyeol grew increasingly upset and Xiumin couldn’t find a way to comfort him. Several times he glared at Suho and demanded help, but Suho could think of nothing to say to comfort his boy. When the sun finally set, Chanyeol doubled over on the sidewalk and sobbed into his hands.

Suho swallowed and turned away. “Get up,” he commanded. “We need to go.”

He walked over to Kyungsoo and hauled him up. By now Xiumin was starting to cry too, and Suho could feel his patience wearing down.

“We have to go,” he said, “We have to go now. Get up both of you.”

Xiumin stood. Chanyeol sat up but kept his head down.

“Chanyeol, get up _now_.”

For a second Suho thought Chanyeol would refuse, but then he got to his feet. Suho turned and lead the way to the train station, where they would travel to Shenzhen. They had only gone a few blocks when Chanyeol suddenly stopped. He was still looking down, and his shoulders were shaking with silent sobs.

Suho took a deep breath. “We have to keep going,” he said as gently as he could.

Chanyeol finally looked up and Suho almost flinched at the utterly heartbroken look on his face. “How can we do this?” He gasped. “How could we just abandon them?”

Suho shook his head. “We’re not abandoning anyone.”

“Yes we are!” Chanyeol shrieked. “How can you just walk away? How can you be sure they’re not on their way? What if we just miss them by one hour? What if they get here and we’re not here?”

“We can’t think like that,” Suho said, “We can’t—”

Chanyeol lunged at him and grabbed him by the front of his shirt. “How can you be so calm?!” He shouted. “What’s wrong with you?!”

Suho grabbed Chanyeol’s wrists and tried to pry him off. “I’m only thinking about what’s best here. We have to find the others.”

“Bullshit!” Chanyeol snarled. “You don’t even know if they’re alive! You don’t even know—”

“How do you know Lay and them aren’t dead?” Kyungsoo asked.

They all froze, because it was the first thing he’d said in days.

“They aren’t dead,” Chanyeol gasped, “How can you say that?”

Kyungsoo looked up and there were tears in his eyes. “They could be. They could have drowned, maybe that’s why they aren’t here.”

Chanyeol shook his head. “They’re alive. We’d know if they were dead…Baekhyun’s not dead. I would know!”

Suho grabbed Kyungsoo and Chanyeol’s arms. “We don’t have time to lose our minds,” he chided. “We have to keep it together, we can’t think like this. I’m trying to be as calm as I can because if I let myself think about it for one second I will fall apart and I can’t do that.”

“Why?” Chanyeol yelled. “Because you’re the leader? That means you can just decide what’s best for everyone?”

“Yes!” Suho yelled back as his temper flared, and he quickly forced himself to calm down. “Now let’s go.”

Chanyeol ripped his arm out of Suho’s grip, staring at him like he’d never seen him before.

“Chen and Baekhyun could be less than a mile away!” He screamed. “They were your kids! Chen…he needs you! He’s still terrified of spiders, he still has nightmares! Baekhyun may not have been the clingiest kid but you pulled him out of his shell! You loved them! They loved you! How can you walk away from them?”

Suho felt something inside of him snap. “Do you think this is easy for me?” He yelled, finally allowing the tears to gather in his eyes. “I know who they are, I know what they are to me! But I know there are five other Guardians out there! Do you know how hard it is for me to make this decision?!”

Chanyeol grabbed Suho’s arm and tried to pull him back to the pier. “Another day won’t kill them!” He yelled. “It won’t kill anyone! Let’s go back, let’s just give it one more day!”

Suho ripped his arm out of Chanyeol’s hand and grabbed his shoulders. “Stop it Chanyeol!” He pleaded. “Don’t make this harder than it already is.”

Chanyeol stared at Suho for a few seconds. He looked absolutely furious, and he took a deep breath as if to scream. Suddenly he seemed to deflate, his shoulders sagged and he fell to his knees. “I can’t,” he whimpered. “I can’t do this…” And then he covered his face and started to sob again.

Suho felt his tears finally run over, and he didn’t bother to wipe them away. He hadn’t cried in years, hadn’t cried at all since landing on this damn planet and now he was falling to pieces. He knelt down next to Chanyeol and put his hand on his back. Chanyeol practically threw himself into Suho’s lap and cried into his shirt.

“I want to go home,” Chanyeol whimpered. “I just want to go home…I’m so scared, Suho…I wish this was just a dream…I want to go home.”

Suho heard Kyungsoo fall to his knees behind him and heard the box containing the heart clatter to the ground.

“I want to go home too,” Kyungsoo cried before bursting into tears himself.

Xiumin looked absolutely lost. “Guys…come on. We can’t…we can’t do this now.”

Suho looked up, grinning through his tears. “What’s wrong with now?” He asked, and Xiumin looked positively terrified. Suho continued, “What’s the difference if we break down now or later? We’re all broken, see?” His voice rose, Chanyeol clung to his waist and sobbed even harder. Suho started to shout to be heard over him, “We’re all broken and there’s nothing we can do to fix ourselves. NOTHING!”

Xiumin was shaking, Suho was panting and Kyungsoo and Chanyeol were still crying. For a while Xiumin stared at the ground, and Suho thought he was going to break down too. But when he looked up, his eyes were clear and his jaw set with determination.

“We can find our brothers,” He said lowly. “We can find our brothers and get back home.”

With that Xiumin reached down and hauled Chanyeol to his feet.

“You too Kyungsoo,” He called. “Get up.”

Kyungsoo scrambled to his feet, sniffling and wiping his eyes. Xiumin glared at Suho.

“Pick up the heart.”

‘No,’ Suho wanted to say. ‘Chanyeol’s right. Let’s stay here.’

Before he could even open his mouth, Xiumin opened his. “Kai.”

Suho shot to his feet, suddenly assaulted by memories of a small child biting his hand and then hugging him and asking for 'One more story, Suho!'

“Sehun.”

A little boy clinging to his hand and pulling him down to whisper in his ear, “I played tag with a butterfly today,” like it was the secret to happiness.

“Tao. Kris.”

A lanky preteen kicking an apple off Chanyeol’s head. A tall boy wrapping Suho up in his wings and telling him it was okay to cry, or to need a hug.

“Lu Han.”

The sweetest smile Suho had ever seen in his life, gentle eyes and a calm presence…Sehun had called him a deer.

Suho bent down and picked up the chest with the piece of the heart. “Let’s get going,” he mumbled.

Chanyeol cried himself to sleep for about a week, Kyungsoo developed a habit of going absolutely silent and staring at nothing for extended periods of time. Xiumin tried to encourage them as best he could, and Suho remained strong on the outside when all he wanted to do was fall to his knees and scream for someone to wake him up from this nightmare. He trudged on solely because he had five boys waiting for him to find them.

* * *

Though in the end of course, they found him.

It was Kyungsoo who saw the lights and pointed out to the horizon. Chanyeol had taken off running across the town, screaming for them to hurry up, hurry before they lost them again.

Suho was carrying the heart, and it was so heavy that it dragged him down. He tried to call at them to wait for him, but he couldn’t breathe properly and it came out more like a wheeze. Just when he thought he’d collapse from exhaustion, Suho saw them standing there. He saw Chanyeol tackle Kris to the ground, he saw his babies, his friends. Chen was the first person he went to only because he was the closest, and Suho collapsed in his arms crying and gasping for air.

“It’s okay hyung,” Chen whispered, using Northern dialect for the first time in years. “It’s okay, you found us. We’re together again.”

* * *

Much later Suho was walking with Kris, and he suddenly grabbed his fellow leader’s arm and pulled him to a stop.

“I didn’t think I would be able to make it,” he confessed. “I thought you were dead…if it wasn’t for Xiumin I probably would have given up.”

Kris hugged him tightly. “It’s alright,” he said. “I was unconscious for most of the last eight years but…if it had been me, I would have been the same.” Suho reached behind Kris and pulled on his wings. Kris smiled and wrapped them around Suho’s shoulders.

“Let’s just never separate again, okay?” Kris asked.

Suho laughed and tightened his grip on Kris’ waist. “Just try and get me to leave you alone.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Basically I used "brother" to describe the relationships between the guardians when I first wrote the story, but then I started shipping and I was like "ugh it's too much for me to go back and change everything now". But now I'm kind of re-wording things so that "brother" is used less often. Kris used the word to the doctors in the lab because he had really no other word to describe the relationship they had, they didn't know what a Guardian was, after all.


	24. Confessions of a Tree

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tree-centric  
> Continuity: Any time

When I first met my new boys, I had been alone for so long that I nearly attacked them. I think I startled them quite a bit, they hadn’t expected for me to act so…I believe it was Kris who said it, ‘Childish.’ I suppose I am very child-like, but I am constantly learning and exploring new thoughts, especially since I have so much time to myself. That’s how I discovered that the excess power floating around the planet was my own doing, simply from thinking.

Ooh, that was embarrassing. It’s like going your whole life not knowing why a room stinks so much and finally realizing you’d been farting the whole time.

I’ve learned other things, like not to make life too easy for my people. I could create trees that sprout money if I wanted too, but then it would lose value and really the whole endeavor would be so pointless…

What? Oh! Right, my boys. Forgive me if I digress, my mind wanders a bit. Well, it’s not like I have an actual brain you see…but that’s a story for another day!

Let’s see…I love all my children very much, but this group is so special. They’ve been through hell together, and they are beautiful, uncorrupted souls who love each other deeply. It wouldn’t surprise me if they all married within their group, they are just that close. I could talk about my dears for hours if you didn’t stop me.

Kai is such a darling, he really is. He had a rough start, and he doesn’t like admitting that he needs people. He especially doesn’t like admitting that he needs Suho because Suho is very obvious in his fawning over Kai—he’s like that with all of his kids, but Kai feels…I guess embarrassed would be the word. Seeing how much Suho loves him, it makes him wonder how he’s supposed to return the feeling. Because let me tell you, Kai _adores_ Suho. All the affection Suho shows to Kai, Kai returns it with just as much intensity, and Suho is very dear to him. He wants more than anything to be worthy of that love.

Sehun is so sweet, he really doesn’t need a lot to be happy. As long as he has his brothers and Lu Han, he’s home. Do you know what makes him happiest? Being hugged by his brothers. He has a different way to describe each hugs—Suho’s are comforting, Kai’s are playful, Kris’ are like being wrapped up in a blanket before bed. Chanyeol’s are powerful (usually because he knocks people off their feet), Baekhyun’s feel like a butterfly landing on your shoulder—like a little victory in nature. Lay’s hugs are refreshing—he literally thinks that. Tao is shy but when he hugs, he lingers and the feeling stays for a while, like a hot cup of tea. Xiumin’s make you feel like you’ll never be alone. Kyungsoo’s hugs are giddy and Chen’s are soft like kitten fur. And Lu Han’s hugs? They’re pure love.

Tao, oh Tao. He’s just so precious. He thinks the sun rises and sets on Kris. There’s a reason for that of course, Kris is _his_. Just his. He shares of course, but as far as Tao is concerned, nobody will ever come before Kris. For Tao’s whole life, Kris has been the one to comfort him, play with him, hug him, make him feel safe before anyone else. Tao wants to thank him for that one day when he’s older. He doesn’t know how he’ll do it but he’s determined. And there’s one thing you should know about Tao, when he’s determined enough he could move mountains.

Chen thinks that having eleven best friends can be a little overwhelming, but he wouldn’t trade them for anything. Actually, sometimes he feels a bit like a princess surrounded by handsome princes. See, Chen is one of the youngest in the group, and sometimes he feels like he acts even younger than Sehun. Once Suho read them a story about a princess who was locked up in a tower and a prince who rescued her, and Chen immediately identified with the princess. She could see the world around her, but she couldn’t join in because she was trapped in the tower. For Chen, his fears are his tower keeping him away from the world. His friends are his princes, they take him out of the tower and keep him safe from the outside world, while showing him how much fun it is at the same time.

Chanyeol…he’s a puppy. A big, lovable, happy as can be puppy. And just like a puppy, he loves all people without prejudice. That’s why it’s so hard for him to understand that people can find him a bit…overbearing. It can take him a while to learn to calm down but once he has, then you’ll see his quiet presence can be just as telling of his love as his boisterous hugs. Another thing, Chanyeol doesn’t like to hide anything. When he was a child, his parents would often hide their feelings from him and that hurt him more than their true emotions ever could have. So to avoid hurting others the way he has been hurt, Chanyeol shows what he is feeling all the time.

Baekhyun has a soft spot for the little ones. Oh he would die if he knew I told you, but he really does think of them quite fondly. They look up to him just because he’s older than them and you know, to a little kid a difference of even a few months can be awe-inspiring. Baekhyun sometimes goes out of his way to do little things for them. When they play a game he’ll try to engage the kids more than the older ones, and on nights when he can’t sleep he’ll walk around and check on the little ones to make sure that they’re okay. Even now that they’re all grown up, he still looks out for his baby brothers.

The worst moment in Lay’s life was when he found a sick baby bird and knew it was beyond saving. Not that he didn’t try to save it, he tried so hard that Kris had to stop him before he fainted. It was the first time Lay had actually witnessed death, and I’m afraid it scarred him a bit. He wanted so much to be a hero and save all creatures in need, and when he realized that there were some creatures he couldn’t help, he became depressed for a short time. I think that’s part of the reason why he rescued Keen, despite saying that the puppy reminded him of Chen. He really just couldn’t bear to leave a creature to fend for itself.

Xiumin designs clothing and jewelry! Ha, I bet you never saw that coming! It’s true though, he has dozens of ideas, he lost a lot of them in the crash to Earth but he remembers them all and he’s working on drawing them again—exactly the same, any changes he wants to make he’s putting on the back of the paper. He started drawing clothes for fun, and one day Suho picked up one of his pictures and told him that they were pretty good. He’s designed things for every member of the group, clothing based on their personalities and powers to help them move and be comfortable. He’s also designed charms for rings, bracelets and necklaces for his brothers. These designs were based solely on their powers. I think one day he’ll actually make those designs reality.

Lu Han once had a dream that he and Kris found out they had the same father. Over the course of several days he asked Kris numerous questions about his own father before finally spilling the details of his dream. He said that he just thought it would be nice to have a real brother. When Lu Han told me about that memory, he asked me why he couldn’t have had siblings. I told him that any sibling I could have given him wouldn’t have matched up to the connection he would have with Kris. As the oldest among their group, they stick together. And it’s true, they are best friends.

I bet you thought Kyungsoo was just soft and timid, am I right? Well, let me tell you—that boy is a swashbuckling pirate in another life. You should hear some of the daydreams he has; I think part of the reason he’s so quiet is because the inside of his head is so entertaining. Of course that doesn’t mean he’s indestructible. He is rather soft spoken in real life, but every now and then he’ll do something really big, sometimes even dangerous. He once hung a bed sheet off a branch and swung from it pretending to be a pirate. Usually those incidents end with him banged up and bruised. I’m hoping that somebody will help him come out of his shell.

Suho…oh where do I begin with him? I wish you could feel the love in his heart…but I’m sure you have some idea. How about I tell you that when Sehun came to the Sanctuary, he made it his personal mission to help Sehun talk again. Want to know why? I bet you can figure it out—Suho had a time in his life when he also suffered from a speech problem. After he was abandoned, he didn’t talk for half a year. To this day he’s not sure if he couldn’t or just didn’t want to, but either way he remembered how it felt to not be able to speak. I think if he wasn’t a Guardian he could have a promising career as a speech therapist. Or a babysitter. Or a father.

Kris is one of the most selfless boys—men—I have ever met. When I was just two half of a heart, I could still hear everything. Do you remember the wish Kris made that if he could only have one thing, he wanted for it to be Lu Han to get better? I heard that. If I could cry, I would have bawled. In my broken state I could only hear, I couldn’t reassure Kris that everything would be okay, but I was determined to make it so. I can’t do much to fix any kind of damage, but I never forget anything. Kris doesn’t know it, but I showed Lu Han all his old memories. I would have done it anyway, but I did make his wish come true. Lu Han got better, and I found out just what a wonderful son I have.

Maybe one day I’ll write entire books about my boys. I wonder who would read them though...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> At the time I wrote this, it was my favorite chapter in the whole story. It still might be.


	25. Kids

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Continuity: Chapter 3 of AWE  
> #25:Kids

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, this is another one of my favorite chapters.

Kris was shocked to learn that it actually got colder in the North than it already was. Apparently winter was just a month away, and one day he and Suho were informed that all the Guardians will need to move into one bedroom for a few days while the Sanctuary walls undergo renovation. Suho looked like he wanted to cry.

“What’s the big deal?” Kris asked. “It’s a big room, we’ll just throw a bunch of mattresses on the floor and be done with it.”

Suho stared at him wide-eyed. “You don’t know, Kris,” he gasped, clinging to Kris’ arm. “You can’t even imagine…”

“Imagine what?” Kris grumbled, trying to wriggle free.

Suho leaned close to Kris’ ear and whispered, “They’ll never go to sleep.”

Kris did know that sometimes it took a while to get the boys to go to bed, that was why it was now a rule that Sehun and Kai weren’t allowed to sleep in the same room unless Lu Han was around to keep the peace. It was difficult to get Chen to sleep in his own bed, and if Chen got to sleep with Kris then Tao would get fussy and demand to be allowed to stay with Kris too. Normally they all managed to work something out though, and Kris thought it would be easier if they were all in the same room. Of course he was very, very wrong.

It started off with an argument over who would sleep next to who. Kai didn’t want to sleep anywhere near Suho, and Suho would not allow Kai to sleep away from him because “That’s how problems start.” Kris decided that he and Suho should sleep on the ends of the room and put the kids in the middle, and Tao had immediately claimed the mattress next to Kris. While they weren’t looking, Chen kept trying to pull his mattress next to Kris’. Chanyeol cried when Baekhyun screamed that he would rather cut his arm off than sleep near him, and Suho had to stop everything and scold Baekhyun for being mean while Kris comforted a now clingy Chanyeol, who kept asking if he was really so awful.

After that Suho threw his hands up and yelled, “Free for all everyone grab a mattress and go.”

Sehun grabbed Kai and raced towards the mattress on one end of the room. Tao threw himself across the two next to them, clearly intending to save one for Kris, But Kai leapt up and pushed Chen down next to Tao and sat on him yelling “Maknae’s stick together!” Baekhyun took a mattress in the middle and, possible feeling guilty for his earlier comment, didn’t complain when Chanyeol tentatively sat down next to him.

Everyone who was left didn’t care who they were with. Lu Han suggested that Suho and Kris take the next available beds, close enough to the little ones where they could get to them quickly if anything went wrong.

In the end, the order went Sehun, Kai, Chen, Tao, Kyungsoo, Kris, Suho, Baekhyun, Chanyeol, Lay, Xiumin and Lu Han.

Suho was walking around like a zombie and Kris assured him that the worst was over, but again he was wrong.

Once sleeping arrangements were agreed upon, the older kids left to get blankets and things, leaving Baekhyun in charge. That was their biggest mistake, because Baekhyun didn’t care what happened as long as nobody bothered him. So, Kai and Sehun started tickling each other. They quickly rolled onto Tao’s mattress, and when he attempted to push them off they pulled him into the attack. Kai looked up and saw Chen staring at them, so he flung himself on top of Chen and wriggled his fingers under his arms until Chen too was shrieking with laughter. Kyungsoo decided that it looked like fun, so he scampered over to where Chanyeol was still sitting remarkably still and suggested they gang up on Kai and Tao, who were usually the best at tickle fights. Chanyeol leapt up and the two of them raced over.

When the older ones got back, Baekhyun was lying on his mattress reading and there was a mass of shrieking children in one corner.

“You had one job!” Suho yelled, attempting to get Sehun to let go of Kyungsoo’s feet. “One job, Baekhyun!”

“I’m watching them,” Baekhyun said. “Nobody got hurt.”

“But now they’re all riled up,” Xiumin said. “They’ll never sleep.”

Kris stepped up and tapped Tao’s shoulder. Immediately Tao let go of Chanyeol’s neck and sat perfectly still, smiling angelically. Chen quickly followed suit, pulling Kyungsoo with him. Chanyeol leaned against the wall trying to catch his breath, and Sehun and Kai laid down on their backs and grinned up at Kris like a pair of Cheshire cats.

“It’s bed time,” Kris said gently. “You’ve had your fun, now go to sleep.”

“We’re not sleepy,” Kai protested.

“We wanna keep up!” Sehun said.

“Stay up,” Kyungsoo whispered.

“Stay up!” Sehun parroted.

Kris felt his eye twitch. “We can stay up another day, we have lessons tomorrow.”

“Boo,” Tao whined. “We want to stay up now!”

“Tell us a story?” Chen asked, hopeful.

Kai threw his hands up. “Yes!” he cried, “Tell us a story!”

Chanyeol laughed and leaned over to pat Kai’s head. “Kai, you look like an excited kitten!”

Kai wriggled on his back, pawing the air. “Meow!” He yelled. “Meow, kittens want a story!”

“Meow!” Sehun echoed, pouncing on Kai. “Got your tail!”

Kai yelped and batted at Sehun’s head. “Let go of my tail!”

“I wanna be a kitten!” Tao cried.

“Me too!” Chen said, request for a story forgotten. “I want to play kittens too!”

“I wanna be a puppy!” Chanyeol shouted.

Kai got on all fours and arched his back, pretending to hiss. “I’ll get you, puppy!”

Kris grabbed Kai right before he could launch himself at Chanyeol. “No attack kittens in this room,” he said firmly.

Kai pouted a little and squirmed in Kris’ arms. “Sehun, the cat catcher got me!” He cried.

Sehun scrambled across the mattress and tugged on Kris’ arm. “Bad cat catcher!”

Kris let go of Kai and caught Sehun right as he tripped on the sheets.

“Okay, fun’s over,” Suho cut in. “Somebody is going to get hurt at this rate.”

Kai pouted. “Killjoy,” he muttered under his breath.

“Kai!” Kris and Suho scolded at once. “Don’t talk like that!”

“Where does he learn these words?” Lay asked.

“Not from me,” Baekhyun called.

“That’s enough now,” Lu Han said, “Everybody lay down and go to sleep.”

Kris turned his back for one second and then Chen screamed.

“EW! EW! GROSS, HE LICKED ME!” Chen was rubbing his cheek and pointing at Kai, who smirked.

“You said you wanted to play kittens, kittens lick each other.”

“Puppies do too,” Chanyeol said mischievously.

“Oh my god, no licking!” Suho screamed. “That is unsanitary!”

Feeling desperate, Kris got up and started lowering all the lights. “It’s getting dark,” he called, “Better get into bed if you don’t want to trip over anything.”

It was a dirty trick, but it worked. Actually nobody cared about tripping, they just didn’t like it to be too dark.

Chen whimpered and wrapped himself up in his blanket, almost covering his face. “Leave one on,” he yelped.

“I will,” Kris promised.

“It’s too bright!” Kai whined, seemingly needing something to complain about, especially where Chen was concerned. “I can’t sleep when it’s too bright!”

“Neither can I,” Baekhyun said.

Chanyeol suddenly panicked, sitting up and waving his arms. “Leave it on! I hate the dark too!”

Kris resisted the urge to yell. “I am leaving a light on. Everyone else will just have to deal with it. I can get you some towels and you can put it over your eyes if you don’t like it.”

There was grumbling but nobody seemed to need anything else, so Kris finished turning down the lights and fell into bed.

“Why are you so far away?!” Chen wailed. “I wanna sleep next to Kris, I don’t like this room! It’s too scary!”

Kris sat up again, frowning. “I’m two mattress away from you. If you need me you just have to sit up and whisper my name and I’ll wake up.”

“Why does Tao get to be closer?” Chen whined. “That’s not fair!”

“Life’s not fair,” Tao said primly. “Deal with it.”

Kris gaped at his youngest. “Tao, that was not necessary.”

Kai grabbed Chen’s shoulder and pulled him back down. “If you get scared you can just roll over with me and Sehun. I’ll even hold your hand if you want, I do it for Sehun all the time.”

Nobody saw Lu Han turn his head into his pillow to hide his grin.

“Can we have that story now?” Chanyeol asked, bouncing on his mattress.

Suho lifted his head from his pillow to grumble, “Only if you all lay down and be quiet.”

At once everyone went flat on their mattresses and held their hands over their mouths.

“Not it,” Suho mumbled into his pillow.

Kris sighed and started to tell a story about a litter of kittens who learned to make wings out of plant leaves. He trailed off after about ten minutes and when he heard no complaints decided they were all asleep.

Thirty seconds later Tao sat up. “OH MY GOD, WHO DID THAT?!”

Suho almost had a heart attack. “What happened?!” He gasped.

“Somebody farted!”

“By the Tree,” Kris said tiredly.

“Oh that’s gross!” Chen yelped. “Was that you, Kai?”

“It wasn’t me!” Kai yelled. “Why is everything always automatically my fault?!”

Kris pulled his pillow over his head and closed his eyes. They could sort this out by themselves, he was done.

When Kris woke up in the morning, the kids were still on their own beds. He considered it a miracle.

* * *

The next two nights Kris wound up squished between Chen and Tao, and Kai and Sehun made their way into Lu Han’s bed, kicking Xiumin out. Kyungsoo slept across three beds and every time Kris looked at Suho he’d shake his head and say “Nope” over and over again.


	26. Ohana (Part 3)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Continuity: Chapter 4 of AWE  
> Baekhyun-centric feat Kai & Chen

Technically speaking, Baekhyun was one of the older members of the group of Guardians, and it wouldn’t have been unusual for him to have a hand in helping to raise the younger ones. However due to his general dislike for the company of other people, the issue was rarely pressed and Baekhyun had a lot of time to himself. Once in a while there would be a situation in which Baekhyun would be encouraged to assume responsibility, which would be a lazy attempt without much effort behind it and that would be the end of it.

However when the older members of the group were out of the Sanctuary…well there wasn’t really a way Baekhyun could avoid responsibility then. And eventually there came a time when Kris, Xiu Min, Lu Han, Suho and Lay left the sanctuary for a three day, two night meditation retreat with the Masters.

Chen and Tao were clinging to Kris’ legs and looking up at him with tears in their eyes. “Take me with you!” Chen begged. “Don’t leave me alone with these people!”

Tao tried to shove Chen out of the way. “I’ll be really quiet,” he promised Kris tearfully. “You won’t even know that I’m there!”

Kris looked hopeless as he bent to pry their arms off of him. “I’ll be back before you can even miss me.”

“But I miss you already!” Chen wailed.

Baekhyun groaned to himself and went over to help Kris. “Come on, the sooner you let go the sooner they can leave, get this over with and come back.”

Tao glared at Baekhyun from behind Kris’ leg. “You’re not the boss of us!”

Baekhyun felt his eye twitch and he tried to remind himself that Tao was only ten. But then Baekhyun was only eleven and he was so much more mature than Tao was. And what was Chen’s excuse? He was eleven too, and still carrying on like a baby. Kai was more mature than him at nine. Okay, maybe that was going too far, but still!

“Baekhyun is the boss starting now,” Kris said firmly. “So you two had better show him the same respect that you show me, or you will be in trouble. Do you understand?”

They both looked miserable at the prospect but nodded and released Kris’ legs. Suho kissed everyone’s forehead (Kai furiously wiped his face afterward) and just like that, they were gone. Chanyeol was stuck in the healers room with a high temperature, so Baekhyun was by himself looking after five young boys, all of whom wanted anyone but him.

It was clear after the first few hours that Baekhyun was not going to have the same control as Kris did, nor the patience that Suho did. Sehun was coloring on about 15 sheets of paper, Kai was chasing Chen around in circles, Tao wasn’t eating and Kyungsoo was wandering around pointing a stick at things and yelling nonsense words.

Baekhyun was almost ready to throw his hands up and just let them run wild, when suddenly Chen whirled around and put his hands up in front of him. Kai skidded to a halt but wound up staggering into Chen’s outstretched arms. What happened next was the real shocker though, Chen shoved Kai so hard that he fell backwards, landing hard on his wrist.

Everyone fell silent and stared open mouthed at the pair of them.

“Ow,” Kai whimpered, clutching his arm. “What was that for?”

Chen glowered and stomped his foot. “Well maybe next time you won’t bother me!”

“I was playing,” Kai said, cradling his wrist. “Ow, that hurt!”

At first Baekhyun thought that Kai would bounce back up, but as he continued to sit on the ground and tears started to form in his eyes, Baekhyun realized that Kai wasn’t faking this. He rushed over and knelt beside Kai.

“Let me see,” he commanded.

Chen gaped at him. “Oh now you care?!”

Baekhyun frowned at Chen. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“He was chasing me around the room for twenty minutes!” Chen shrieked. “Why didn’t you stop him?!”

Baekhyun narrowed his eyes. “He was playing with you.”

Chen practically hissed, “Well how do you know I wasn’t playing?”

In a very tiny voice Kai said, “I never hurt you.”

Chen froze, breathing harshly. Kai shook with suppressed sobs. Baekhyun could see that no matter what way this argument ended, no matter how he handled it, someone was going to be unhappy.

“I’m going to take Kai to the Healers,” Baekhyun said, “Chen, you come with me. The rest of you go to the Dining Hall and wait for dinner.”

Baekhyun hauled Kai to his feet and put his arm around his shoulder as they walked off. Chen trailed behind them looking sulky.

They didn’t see Chanyeol, and Baekhyun figured he must have been in an ice bath. The Healers said that Kai’s wrist would be fine within a few hours, but they put it in a sling just to be safe. After that Baekhyun pulled Chen and Kai aside and looked them both in the eye.

“I don’t know what is going on with the pair of you,” he said, “But I’m getting sick of the way you act around each other. Tomorrow we’re going for a walk, just the three of us, and we’re going to work whatever this is out. Understand?”

They nodded rapidly and Baekhyun told them to go ahead to the Dining Hall. When they were gone he slumped back against the wall and took several deep breaths. He would never admit it, but in that moment he wished that he could be more like Suho or Kris.

* * *

Baekhyun was woken up after midnight by a light tap on his shoulder. He groaned and rolled over, and the tap came again.

“Baekhyun, are you awake?”

It was Tao. “No,” Baekhyun said.

The bed dipped and Baekhyun jolted up, already pushing Tao off.

“No,” he repeated firmly. “I am not your snuggle buddy.”

The moon was bright, illuminating the room. Tao looked up at him with big, tearful eyes and his lip quivered. “Nobody else has room,” he whimpered. “Chen is with Kyungsoo and Sehun and Kai are together…and I can’t go to Chanyeol.” He sniffled and hiccupped. “I don’t want to be alone.”

Well, Baekhyun wasn’t heartless.

“For the love of the Tree,” he sighed, scooting over and pulling back his covers. Tao immediately climbed in, as though afraid Baekhyun would change his mind.

“You’re ten years old, Tao,” Baekhyun grumbled, rolling over so his back was to Tao. “You shouldn’t be sleeping in other people’s beds, same goes for Kyungsoo. Even Sehun is getting a little old for this.”

“By whose standards?” Tao demanded crossly. “We’re kids, we have nightmares, we get scared.”

“You haven’t had a nightmare in years,” Baekhyun said, “And what could you possibly be afraid of that you couldn’t fight off with Wushu?”

Tao was quiet for a moment. “Being forgotten. Getting left behind. Waking up and finding out that it was all a dream and I don’t have anyone.”

Baekhyun turned over to face Tao. “You honestly think that could happen?”

Tao eyed him disbelievingly. “You don’t?”

“I have the occasional nightmare,” Baekhyun said, “But that’s all it is. When I wake up, I remember where I am and I go back to sleep.”

Tao smiled sadly. “Then I wish I could be more like you.”

Baekhyun stared at him wide eyed. He had no idea as to what went on Tao’s mind, but if it was enough for him to want to be like Baekhyun, who rarely interacted with the other members and kept to himself, how bad could it be?

Baekhyun didn’t turn back over. He faced Tao and after a moment Tao crept closer, winding his arms around Baekhyun’s waist and resting his head on his shoulder. “You know, you give pretty good hugs,” Tao mumbled. “When you want to, that is.”

Baekhyun laughed. “It’s about the only thing I can do,” he said, “I have no idea how to act around people.”

He felt Tao smile against his shoulder. “Well, you handled what happened between Chen and Kai pretty well.”

“You think so?” Baekhyun asked. “Well then wish me luck for what I’m about to do tomorrow.”

“Good luck,” Tao said sleepily.

* * *

Baekhyun tapped the back of Kai’s leg with his stick. “Keep it up now,” he said brightly.

Kai groaned. “We’ve been walking forever,” he whined. “Can’t we take a break?”

Baekhyun snorted. “It’s been twenty minutes and we’re not even walking uphill. I’ve seen you run up and down stairs for longer than this.”

Kai grumbled under his breath. Baekhyun glanced over at Chen. “Quit pouting at me,” he ordered. “It’s not going to change anything.”

“You aren’t even that much older than me,” Chen said.

Baekhyun was making them walk in front of him so he could make sure neither of them tried anything funny. He didn’t want one tripping the other or poking or mouthing nasty things.

After another ten minutes Kai stopped walking. “I’m tired!” He cried. “When are we going back?”

“When I feel like I can leave you two alone and not be afraid that you’ll hurt each other,” Baekhyun said.

Kai bristled, drawing himself up to his full height (still shorter than Baekhyun),“I never hurt anyone!” he yelled. “I never laid a hand on him!”

“No,” Chen fired back, “You just torment me all the time!”

“I’ve told you before,” Kai shouted, “I’m only playing with you!”

“You think pretending to eat worms and chasing me is playing?” Chen shrieked.

“Sehun likes it. Kyungsoo goes along with it. You’re the only one who doesn’t seem to have any fun! All you do is sit and watch us play, it’s like you think we’re going to bite your head off if you try to join us.”

Chen blinked back tears. “I don’t know how!”

Kai scowled. “Don’t know how to what?”

“To talk to you! Any of you!” Chen cried.

Kai gaped at him. “That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard! We’re talking right now!”

“You don’t get it,” Chen sobbed. “It’s hard. I’m not like the rest of you.” He started to pace, wringing his hands. “Whenever I try to go up to someone and talk to them…it’s like this wall pops up in front of me, and I can’t go around it. What if I say something weird? What if I get pushed away? What if, what if, a million different bad things!” Chen stopped and folded his arms around himself. “So I sit by myself because I’d rather be alone from my own choice than do something wrong and be pushed away.”

Kai shook his head. “We never pushed you away.”

Chen looked down at the ground. “Suho says it’s because when I tried to play with my sister, my parents yelled at me.”

Kai gasped softly. “They did? Why?”

Chen shrugged. “They were afraid of me I guess. But I don’t know if that’s why. Maybe I’m just weird.”

Kai took a small step in Chen’s direction. “You’re not weird.”

Chen sniffled and wiped his eyes. “I feel weird,” he said.

Kai shuffled over to Chen and put his hand on his shoulder. “So what if you are weird though? We all are. I can move across a room by poofing off in a cloud of smoke, how weird is that?”

Chen started to laugh and cry at the same time, and Kai smiled. “I don’t care if you’re weird as long as you’re having fun,” Kai told him.

Chen turned around and gave Kai a serious look. “Then stop chasing me! We’ve been through this already!”

Kai blushed and looked down. “Sorry,” he mumbled. “It was supposed to be funny.”

Chen looked like he was deep in thought. “Maybe…” he said quietly, “Maybe it’s a little fun.”

Kai looked up. “Really?!” He squealed.

Chen suddenly looked panicky. “That doesn’t mean I like being chased! It’s just…nice to know that someone is paying attention to me,” he said hurriedly, tripping over his words. When he was done he covered his face with his hands and groaned. “So weird,” he muttered helplessly.

Kai grabbed Chen’s wrists and pulled them away from his face. “No,” he assured, “It’s okay.”

They stood there for a moment in silence, then Kai cleared his throat. “So, can you play with us more? Like if we ask you to join, will you?”

Chen bit his lip. “I’m no good at pirates and stuff like that…” he mumbled.

“So we’ll teach you!” Kai promised. “And if not then…you can be the Prince and we can pretend to kidnap you!”

Chen looked a little confused. “That’s fun?”

“Sure!” Kai cried, jumping up and down. “You’ll see, it’ll be the best!”

He looked a little skeptical, but Chen nodded. “Okay, sure then.”

Kai looked down shyly. "Sorry I chased you."

Chen cleared his throat. "Sorry I pushed you. Is your wrist feeling better?"

Kai nodded. "It didn't really hurt...I was more sad than anything."

Chen scuffed his foot against the ground. "Then I'm sorry I made you sad."

"It's okay," Kai assured him. "I'm not sad anymore."

Baekhyun grinned. Now that they had made up, they could move on with their lives. “Okay! Let’s go back home!”

The two of them jumped like they had forgotten that Baekhyun was even there. Kai suddenly realized he was still holding Chen’s wrists and let go, blushing.

When Baekhyun looked over his shoulder on the way back, he saw Chen sneakily grab hold of Kai’s hand and lock their fingers together.

* * *

When they came home the next day, Suho and Kris seemed surprised to find them all in one piece.

“So, there weren’t any problems?” Kris asked.

Baekhyun smiled. “None at all. In fact, I think we solved a lot of problems, so there should be less now.”

Suho raised an eyebrow. “Is that so?”

Baekhyun huffed and crossed his arms. “Honestly, you make it sound like looking after them is hard.” He turned around and called, “Come on kids, let’s go play!”

As he walked away, Baekhyun heard Kris mutter, “Maybe it’s because he’s more on their level mentally.”

Baekhyun chose to take that as a compliment.


	27. 3 Kisses

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 2Jong centric  
> Takes place throughout AWE, following the previous chapter

**One (after the previous chapter)**

“What am I supposed to do?” Chen cried as Kai hauled him to his feet and brought him over to where they were playing. Kai positioned him by a bush and then pointed at him.

“Just stand there,” Kai told him.

“That’s it?”

“Yes,” Kai said. Chen had been watching them play for long enough, and now that he’d agreed to play, Kai wasn’t going to let him out of it. “Stand there and look pretty.”

Chen immediately blushed. “I AM NOT A GIRL!” He shrieked.

“I NEVER SAID YOU WERE!” Kai shrieked back. He knew that the comment would make Chen yell, but he also thought that Chen liked being called pretty. Why else would he blush? He ran off to rejoin Chanyeol, Kyungsoo, Sehun, Tao and Lay. “Stay put!” He called over his shoulder.

Now that Chen was playing, they had a real Princess, or Prince, to fight over. They went back to their respective pirate ships and resumed their war.

“You’ll never take the Prince away from me!” Chanyeol bellowed, throwing dandelion heads at all of them. “I will win his hand in marriage!”

“Say what?!” Chen squawked.

“Yah!” Lay yelled back. “He’s too handsome for you, you big puppy. I’ll win his hand!”

“No, me!” Kyungsoo cried, brandishing a large stick. “I shall win, I look best with the Prince!”

“Me and Sehun will win!” Tao said. “And we’ll take the Prince back to our—”

“No threesomes allowed!” Kai interrupted.

“You guys,” Chen wailed, covering his face to hide his blush.

He was ignored as the six of them continued to ambush each other with leaves, flower heads, bits of grass and twigs. Every time someone tried to break away to capture Chen, somebody else would tackle him to the ground. Finally at one point Kai got tired of the game and decided to end it. He picked up a small twig, yelled “Fight for your right to cheat!” And then he teleported away before anyone could grab him, reappearing a few feet from Chen. Chen yelped as Kai crashed into him, nearly sending them both tumbling over.

“I win!” Kai crowed. “The Prince is mine!”

“You’re yelling in my ear,” Chen whined.

There was a yell of ‘Cheater’ from Chanyeol, and Kai smirked at him. “All’s fair in love and war!” He yelled.

“Love?” Tao echoed. He grinned like the devil child Kai knew he was. “Who said anything about love?”

Chen gasped so hard he choked on his own spit.

“I said love!” Kai proclaimed, clutching Chen tighter. “How dare you question my intentions toward the Prince, peasant!”

Tao’s grin turned into a smirk. “If you love the Prince so much then kiss him!”

For only being ten, Tao was a manipulative little creep. Kai rolled his eyes.

“Fine,” he said, and he grabbed Chen’s face and kissed him on the lips. It was really just a peck, barely longer than a second, but Sehun and Kyungsoo screamed and clapped anyway.

“Oh hush,” Kai scolded. Then he grabbed Chen’s hand. “Come my Prince, let us run away together!”

And he grabbed Chen and pulled him further back into the yard, where the little hut that Kris had built for them was. It was tiny, only three of them could fit in it now, but they still used it for things like this. Kai shoved Chen into the playhouse first and then closed the door behind himself. It didn’t shut all the way, the hinges had rusted in the rain. There was only one window, but between that and the crack in the door there was enough light.

Kai turned around and grinned at Chen, who was sitting on the floor. “So, was that fun?”

Chen didn’t answer, he was staring at the ground and biting his lip.

“What’s the matter?” Kai asked, kneeling down. Immediately Chen shoved him over.

“You kissed me!” he cried.

Kai shied away. “Why do you sound angry about that?” He asked meekly.

“Because! You kissed me!” Chen yelped. He covered his face. “Why would you do that?” He was so embarrassed, Kai just always had to take things to far, didn’t he? “Kissing isn’t a game, Kai,” Chen whimpered.

Oh no, Kai thought. Now Chen was crying and it was all his fault. Again.

“I’m sorry,” Kai yelled desperately. “I’m sorry I’m sorry!” He sank to the floor and grabbed at Chen’s wrists. “Why are you crying?” He half yelled, half sobbed. “I didn’t do anything wrong! You let Kris and Suho kiss you all the time!”

“On the cheek,” Chen whined. “You can’t kiss on the lips!”

“Why not?” Kai asked. “Why…” he trailed off, wondering what he could possibly say to make this better, and he couldn’t think of a single thing. He burst into tears.

Chen jumped and gave Kai a desperate look. “Why are _you_ crying?”

“I can’t do anything right with you,” Kai wailed. “Why can’t I do anything right?” He really was trying, he’d even played nice with Chen this time.

For a minute Chen just watched him cry. Then he scooted closer, until he was sitting so close that their shoulders touched.

“Please don’t cry,” he begged, “I wasn’t crying before, I promise.”

Kai sniffled and wiped his eyes. “Why am I only bad at being _your_ friend?” he hiccuped. “Do you really not like me?”

“I do like you!” Chen cried.

“Then why were you yelling at me for kissing you?” Kai asked.

“Kissing on the lips is for people you love! It’s for when you get married!” Chen yelped. “Have you kissed people on the lips before?”

Kai looked up, lower lip quivering. “N-no, but I didn’t know it was bad…”

He looked so heartbroken, sitting there with tears still trailing down his cheeks and big, sad eyes. Chen knew he hadn’t meant anything malicious by it. Kai hadn’t watched his parents kiss, he didn’t know that it was only for people in love.

“It’s not bad,” Chen hedged. “It’s just…”

Kai sniffled again. “Was I bad at it?”

Chen felt like his face was on fire. “Were you what?” He yelped.

“Was I—”

“I know what you said!” Chen screamed. “Don’t say it again!”

Suddenly Kai stood up and stomped his foot. “Well you asked me!”

“Yes but…but…Kai!”

Kai jabbed his finger in Chen’s chest. “You’re the big dummy!” He yelled. And then he stomped off.

* * *

**Two (after drabble #17)**

Kai and Chen walked back from the woods in silence. It turns out that while pouring your heart out can be very therapeutic, it’s also kind of hard to say anything afterwards. Everything else feels too trivial.

Back at the campsite, Suho and Lay were already awake and putting together some food.

“Where’d you two go off to?” Lay asked.

“Walking,” Chen blurted.

“Talking,” Kai said calmly at the same time.

Suho gave them a suspicious look. “Have you been crying? You both look all red and guilty.”

Chen shifted under the scrutiny. “We’re fine, I promise.”

“Yes,” Kai said, and then he grabbed Chen’s hand. “We’re fine.”

They spent the entire day walking together. Sometimes they didn’t say anything, other times they said the most trivial things.

“You want a chip?” Kai asked, holding out the bag. Keen and Daisy looked up hopefully, waiting for crumbs to be dropped.

“No thanks,” Chen said politely, shoving the dog’s noses out of the way.

_{“Oh my god,” Sehun whispered behind them. “It’s like watching married half-siblings.”_

_“Don’t confuse poor Lu Han,” Kris scolded. “He’ll believe that.”}_

But as the days passed they warmed up. They put the post confession awkwardness behind them and decided to be friends. They talked for real, about things they didn’t even know about each other.

“I really had no idea you wanted to be a doctor,” Chen said one day. “I knew you read medical texts but…wow.”

“I love psychology best,” Kai gushed. “I think I got into it because of you. I wanted to understand you so much that I decided I’d do anything it took.”

Chen felt like he wanted to melt. “That’s possibly the sweetest thing I’ve ever heard, and that includes all the stuff Sehun says to Lu Han.” Kai blushed and Chen grabbed his hand. “I never knew you were such a sap.”

Kai rubbed his thumb across Chen’s fingers. “Now you know. Now you can know everything.”

Perhaps that was the most wonderful part of it. They did like each other, but they didn’t really know each other. And as they learned, they found more things to love. Maybe it wasn’t such a surprise then when they came across and abandoned cluster of houses and grouped off, and Kai and Chen wound up in the same house. Just the two of them. All alone, with only Keen for company.

Of course they shared a bed. Of course Chen woke up pressed tight against Kai’s chest even though he had plenty of room. Of course one morning Kai came in to the kitchen, found Chen already up, grinned sleepily and kissed him gently on the mouth like it was the most natural thing to do.

Kai panicked right afterwards though.

“Oh my god,” he gasped, covering his mouth. “I don’t know why I did that. I must really love screwing up. Please don’t get mad at me like you did last time.”

His voice got quieter and quieter as he went on, finally he was left staring at Chen with wide eyes and his hand still over his mouth. Chen grabbed his hand and pulled it away.

“It’s okay this time, you dummy,” Chen said, and he smiled so wide he felt like his cheeks wouldn’t be able to hold it. “I liked it.”

Slowly, Kai smiled back. “Yeah?” He asked shyly. He gently cupped the back of Chen’s neck. “Can we do it again?”

* * *

**Three (future)  
**

“Chen, can you hand me my shirt?”

Chen blinked a few times. He stared quite a bit. He opened and closed his mouth.

Kai grinned. “Hello, Chen? Are you awake?”

Chen pinched himself. Ow, yes he was awake.

Holy cow, he was awake.

“KAI!” He screamed, covering his face as he blushed furiously. He didn’t see Kai jump and cover his heart, nor did he see Keen jump from the corner of the room and run away. “OH MY GOD, WHERE IS YOUR SHIRT?”

“You are sewing it up!” Kai yelled back. “And why are you yelling?!”

“You’re walking around the house half naked!” Chen screamed. “By the Tree, you…you big dummy!”

“Great insult,” Kai deadpanned. Chen felt him come closer, he could actually feel the body heat coming off of him, and then he felt the sofa dip and he leapt up, face still covered.

“Don’t you come near me when you’re indecent!” He yelped, scurrying away. “You stay far away—”

Of course he would trip over the carpet. Of course.

“Holy crap!” Kai yelled, and Chen heard him run over. “Shit, are you okay?!”

“M’fine,” Chen mumbled, lying on his side holding his mouth.

Kai turned him over and pried his hand away. “Fuck, Chen, you’re bleeding!”

“No shit, Sherlock,” Chen snapped. Then he realized Kai was still shirtless.

“YOU ARE STILL INDECENT!”

Kai jerked back, holding his ears. “You’re bleeding to death and that’s what you’re thinking about?”

“I’m not—”

“Stop talking,” Kai snapped. He scooped his arms under Chen, under his arms and legs, and lifted him. So of course, Chen was now pressed to Kai’s chest. His bare chest.

Chen wondered how his face hadn’t managed to burst into flames yet. “Put me down.”

“Okay,” Kai shrugged, and he placed Chen down on the kitchen counter. Keen looked up from licking his paws and glared at them before trotting away once more. _‘Come back,’_ Chen thought desperately. As if the dog could save him.

Kai grabbed one of the towels they’d dug out of a closet and handed it to Chen. “Hold it on the cut.”

“Ew, no way,” Chen protested. He couldn’t even talk properly because it hurt too much. “It’s covered in mouse poop.”

“It is not!” Kai said, “These houses don’t have mice!”

It was true. Apparently in neighborhoods like this mice and bugs weren’t a problem. You could even have electricity and hot water despite the house being empty for 15 years. Rich people had everything.

“Still,” Chen muttered, pushing the towel away. “I don’t want it near my mouth.”

Kai scowled and huffed. “You’re impossible.”

“And you’re still indecent,” Chen said, pointedly looking away.

“It’s just my shirt!”

“Aren’t you cold?” Chen fired back. “Go cover up.”

“Why? You didn’t have a problem before, you were staring at me for five minutes.”

“I was staring at your mark,” Chen fired back. “You know I think it’s cool.”

“And you’re always sticking your hands in my shirt,” Kai pointed out.

Chen floundered for some kind of excuse. “My hands are cold,” was the best he could come up with.

Kai grinned at him. “Don’t even front, we both know you think I’m hot.”

Chen blushed. “I know you’re hot,” he mumbled. He was actually very jealous of that—Kai had been working out since day one on this planet. Chen had done nothing but hide from spiders and bad things. Needless to say he wasn’t nearly as built as Kai was. And even though yes, Chen did have sort of a weakness for Kai’s physique, that didn’t mean it was okay for him to walk around half naked.

Kai leaned even closer and Chen moved back. Kai grabbed his shirt and held him still.

“It looks like your lip is healing,” he murmured, staring intently at the wound. “You must have pretty sharp teeth to cut it up like that.”

“No, I just fell too hard,” Chen muttered without looking up. Kai grabbed the towel and wet it under the faucet. He started to wipe the trickle of blood off Chen’s chin. Now that Chen was thinking about it, his lip really hurt, as did his chin. He rubbed his jaw absently and Kai inspected that too.

“Does it hurt?” He asked, tipping Chen’s head back and looking for bruising. Chen bit his tongue so he wouldn’t gasp or moan or something equally telling.

“N-no,” Chen stuttered.

Kai looked genuinely disappointed. “Too bad, I was going to offer to kiss it better.”

Chen let out a garbled sort of yelp and Kai smirked at him.

“What?” He asked innocently. Too innocently.

“You’re such a loser,” Chen whined.

Kai bent his head so that his lips brushed against Chen’s throat. “You love me for it.”

Chen squeezed his eyes shut at the first press of Kai’s lips. His mouth fell open in a gasp when Kai’s tongue darted out and licked at the skin under his jaw.

Chen whimpered and grabbed and handful of Kai’s hair, trying to pull him up for a kiss. Kai allowed himself to be pulled up but he held Chen back from kissing him.

“Your lip is still healing,” Kai protested. “You’ll bleed all over again.”

Chen whined again and grabbed at Kai’s shoulders, pulling him closer. Kai stood between his legs and held on to his hips, lowered his head again and kissed the spot just under his ear that always made Chen squirm. Again, Chen tried to kiss Kai and was held back.

“I mean it,” Kai said. “You’ll get hurt.”

“I want to kiss you,” Chen grumbled.

Kai grinned and kissed his cheek. “Later,” he promised. “First it’s my turn.”

He went back to Chen’s neck, kissing down to his collarbones and then tugging the t-shirt of his way.

Chen grabbed Kai’s hands. “Wait, I, um…you can take it off if you want to.” He said the last part in a bit of a rush, and he thought maybe Kai hadn’t understood him because all he did was stare.

“I said—”

“I heard you,” Kai said, “But…are you sure? You don’t have to if you don’t want to, I know you’re shy about this, I don’t want to pressure you.”

Chen grabbed the hem of his shirt. “I’m sure,” he promised. Kai helped him tug it up over his head and together they threw it on the floor. Chen felt a bit silly, sitting on the counter half naked with Kai staring at him.

“What?” Chen whined, squirming back. “Why are you staring at me?”

“Your mark,” Kai answered. “I’ve never seen it before.”

Oh, Chen thought. His mark was lower on his chest than Kai’s was, almost near his ribcage. The scorpion was diagonal on his chest, unlike most marks which were placed vertically. Kai gently traced his fingers over it, starting at the head of the scorpion and trailing down to the tail, which curled up around Chen’s heart would be.

Suddenly Kai stood up. “Come here,” He said, tugging Chen down off the counter and pulling him over to the couch.

“What was wrong with the counter?” Chen huffed. His legs felt like jelly, he didn’t want to walk.

Kai sat down and then he patted his leg. “Sit,” he said.

“On your lap?” Chen asked incredulously. “Why?”

“You could lie down if you want,” Kai shrugged.

Chen felt his face heat up again. “Why?” he repeated.

“I want to kiss you,” Kai said simply.

“And you need me to sit on you because…?”

“I can’t reach otherwise.”

“Reach what?” Chen pestered.

“Chen,” Kai said calmly. “Just trust me.”

Chen hesitated for just one more second, but he finally stepped up and let Kai pull him down so that Chen straddled his legs.

“Now what…” Chen started to say, but he trailed off when Kai leaned forward and pressed his lips to Chen’s mark.

“Oh,” Chen gasped as Kai now traced the tail of the scorpion with his tongue. “ _Oh._ ”

Chen had no idea how long they sat there, Chen clinging to Kai’s shoulders as he covered Chen’s chest, not just his mark but his entire chest, in kisses. Chen found himself pushing away at one point so he could lie down on the couch. Kai hovered over him, panting slightly and for a second they just looked at each other and tried to catch their breath. Then Kai slid down Chen’s body and kissed his stomach, his hips, his sides…he licked his way back up and stopped at Chen’s mark again.

“I love you,” he whispered. “I love all of you, even if you don’t.”

Chen covered his mouth with both hands and closed his eyes so Kai wouldn’t see just how much he wanted to cry hearing that. Kai pried one hand away and cradled it his hands, turning it over so he could kiss Chen’s palm.

“I love you Jongdae,” he breathed. “I love you, I love you…”

Chen sat up and kissed the next words out of Kai’s mouth. Neither of them cared about the stupid cut anymore. Kai grabbed Chen and held him so close that Chen could feel Kai’s heart beating.

“I love you too Jongin,” Chen whispered into the kiss. Kai pulled back because he was crying, and once Chen saw that there was no holding him back anymore.

“Why are we crying?” Chen asked a few minutes later.

Kai actually laughed at that. “We’re happy? We’re in love? We’re both really dumb?”

“All three,” Chen decided. “But you’re the bigger dummy.”

“You are!” Kai fired back, kissing Chen soundly before he could protest.

There would be time to bicker about that later, Chen thought as he wrapped his arms around Kai’s shoulders. Much, much later.


	28. Third Wheel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tao-centric  
> Continuity: After chapters 27 & 15  
> Warning: Angst. Angst everywhere. Get your tissues and don't say I didn't warn you.

Tao could remember Sehun being the first friend he made when he got to the Northern Sanctuary. Sehun was quite fond of Lu Han, but he was closer in age to Tao, so it figured that the pair of them would become friends at some point. Tao was shy and didn’t like to talk because he was painfully aware of his accent, and Sehun was bright and bubbly and didn’t like to talk because, as he said, “his words were broken.” So Tao and Sehun got along quite nicely, playing without words. Since Sehun was so close to Kai, it also figured that Kai would get close to Tao too.

For a while they were like triplets, never going anywhere without the others and helping each other with homework and making fun of the older boys behind their backs. Eventually their group expanded to include Chanyeol, Kyungsoo and Chen, but Tao always had a special place in his heart for Jongin and Sehun. When he wasn’t with Kris he was with his fellow youngest members.

When Sehun started to hang out with Lu Han and date him, it was okay that he wasn’t around as much because Tao had Kai and they got along well enough even without Sehun. Though it wasn’t a stretch to say that Sehun held them together. Then Kai started to notice Chen, and Tao started to feel like a third wheel. It got worse when they got to Earth, because Sehun got married and Kai reconnected with Chen. Tao was happy for them, really he was, but at the same time he missed his friends.

Even hanging out with them wasn’t the same, because all they talked about was their relationship. Or at least it seemed like it was all they talked about. In reality Tao probably exaggerated, but it irritated him that they had to drag their relationships around with them everywhere. And Tao was jealous. He was jealous and lonely and he wanted what they had. He wanted someone to look at him the way Sehun looked at Lu Han and Chen looked at Kai and he wanted his friends back. He wished they could go back to being ten and eleven, playing kittens and pirates.

Tao prided himself on being a calm and collected person, but sometimes he just lost control.

Tao was walking with the pair of them, the rest of the group in front of them. By some miracle Chen and Lu Han were occupied with other members of the group and Tao thought he could have a moment with his friends, and it started out alright but he shut his mouth for a few seconds and Sehun and Kai turned to each other.

“It was really thoughtful of him,” Kai sighed. “I wish I could see Chen like that more often.”

“I know what you mean,” Sehun said wistfully. And he continued, going on and on.

Tao was standing off to the side, waiting for them to stop. But then they went on, and Kai whispered that he was thinking of proposing to Chen soon. Sehun gasped quietly and Tao lost it.

First he saw red and he felt an incredible power swirl under his skin, threatening to burst. He squeezed his eyes shut so tightly that lights burst behind his eyelids, and when he exhaled time stopped.

He turned furiously to Kai and Sehun, now frozen with stupid grins on their faces and they just looked so happy that Tao wanted to hit them.

“I HATE YOU!” He screamed as loudly as he could. His voice echoed around the empty and still road. No one turned to him, everything had stopped. On this world and in the universe for all that Tao knew or cared. He was focused on his friends, or rather the people who were currently making him miserable.

“Can’t you see that I miss you?!” Tao hollered, feeling tears prick his eyes. “You’re never there for me anymore! Why do you always have to do this? Can’t you see that you’re hurting me?” His voice broke and he whirled around, covering his face.

“It’s not fair,” he sobbed, “I knew Lu Han first, he’s my friend too. You don’t own him, and he doesn’t own you,” Tao hiccupped and he tried to catch his breath. “And Kai, damn it what the hell? I thought you said that you’d never get like this, we hated when Sehun would gush about Lu Han for hours and now you’re just as bad as he is and…” Tao fell to his knees and doubled over, clutching his arms around himself as if it could stop his heart from breaking.

“Why are you leaving me? I don’t want to be alone…” he fell onto his side and screamed as loudly as he could, breaking off only when his throat got too raw. He started to cough, and he knew he had to calm down or he’d hyperventilate. Finally he realized just how loudly he was crying and that he could hear it echoing around him, bouncing back to him from the buildings and the forests and the abandoned cars, it sounded like a hundred people crying…

Tao had no idea how long he could freeze time for, he never tried to do it for more than a few minutes at a time, because it freaked him out. He’d only ever told Kris about it, but being the only person who could move or speak, walking around and seeing other people frozen and knowing they could see or hear him…it was what Tao imagined death to be like. That or being all alone in the world, which he really was at this time. And sometimes Tao swore that something was watching him, he could see shadows moving from his peripheral vision or hear whispers, things that weren’t caused by the wind. there was no wind when Tao froze time.

The Tree told him it was his imagination, ghost stories making him think that he wasn’t alone. It saw his memories and assured him that he had nothing to fear, but when Tao was alone in the world and his voice was echoing back at him, it seemed so real.

Tao sat up, knowing that he was starting to panic. He looked around wildly, doing a double take when he saw a shadow swirl in the distance. His throat closed up and breathing suddenly got ten times harder. His vision started to darken at the edges, like he was about to faint and no, not here, not like this, he couldn’t faint and let the monster get him…

Tao honestly didn’t know how he stopped time, he really just willed it to stop and it did. When he wanted it to start again, he did the reverse. Now Tao hurled himself to his feet and ran, willing time to start again as he did so. At once sound and motion returned, and Sehun and Kai’s happy laughter reached him just as he crashed into Kris and nearly sent both of them crashing to the pavement.

“By the Tree!” Kris yelped, desperately throwing his arms around Tao as he sobbed hysterically.

“What the hell happened?” Suho demanded, whirling around.

Everyone froze as Tao’s legs gave out and Kris had to scramble to support his weight. Tao clutched his shirt and gasped for breath. “They’re going to get me,” he gasped, “The shadows were there, they were there, they were real I heard them…”

Now everyone knew that Tao had frozen time, it wasn’t the first time they’d watched him lose it after coming out of that state. Kris lowered Tao to the floor, holding him against his chest and stroking his hair. “It’s okay baby,” he whispered, “You’re safe now, I won’t let them get you.”

Tao covered his face and curled up into the smallest ball he could manage without falling off Kris’ lap. “I don’t want to be alone,” he whimpered, “I’m so scared gege…”

Kris rocked him gently and kissed his forehead. “It’s okay,” He said again, whispering so that Tao was the only one who could hear, “I won’t leave you alone. You’ll always have me, I promise.”

Kris had a different theory about why Tao panicked when he froze time. It had really only started after the incident in the forest after all. Dangling over a pit of swirling darkness that wanted to take over your soul would scar anyone for life, he reasoned.

“Tao, look at me,” Kris pleaded, and Tao finally lifted his head. Kris cradled his face and wiped the tears from his cheeks. “I’m right here, I’ve got you and I’m not going to let you go ever again. That thing will never get you.”

Tao slowly relaxed, taking more even breaths and feeling the tension leave his body. Kris produced a bottle of water and held it for Tao while he took slow sips. After a few minutes Tao was calm enough to move, but he was exhausted from the use of his power and the panic attack. Kris handed his backpack off to Chanyeol and turned in time for Tao to collapse onto his back. After his panic attacks Tao had the tendency to go completely limp and silent. He wouldn’t fall asleep like Chen did, he would remain alert but unresponsive. As they resumed walking (this time looking for an abandoned apartment to rest in) Tao heard Suho interrogating Kai and Sehun about why he had frozen time, but of course neither of them could answer.

They found an old motel near the side of the road and decided to take shelter there for the night. They all branched off in groups of twos or threes, Suho and Kris deciding to stay with Tao for the night.

Kris laid Tao out on the bed and climbed up next to him. Tao shifted so that he could rest his head on Kris’ lap. Suho sat near Tao’s feet and pulled his shoes off.

“Poor baby,” Suho sighed. “I wish I knew how to help you.”

Tao really wished he knew how to thank Suho for that—he wasn’t Tao’s leader but he always looked out for him. He remembered all the nights Kris spent in the Healer’s Wing and Suho allowing him to sleep in his bed and holding him while he cried from missing Kris.

Kris tapped Tao’s cheek and Tao looked up at him. “Would this have anything to do with Sehun and Kai’s relationship status?”

Tao blinked up at him. “How did you…?”

Kris smiled sadly. “You were walking with them, but they said they didn’t know what triggered you. They weren’t really paying attention to you were they?”

Tao bit his lip and looked away. “It’s stupid of me,” he muttered. “I made it a big deal and it’s not…”

“Don’t say that,” Kris said. “It’s a big deal to you. You miss your friends.”

Tao squeezed his eyes shut and shook his head. “It’s not just that,” he mumbled. “I…I don’t want to listen to it. It’s unfair of me but I don’t want to watch them be happy while I’m alone.” There, he’d said it. He’d gotten it out in the open, he was jealous and petty and he didn’t want his friends to be happy without him.

“I’m a horrible friend,” he moaned, covering his face and sobbing.

“Honey, no you’re not,” Suho cried, scooting up the bed and petting Tao’s hair. “You think you’re the only one who’s lonely? We all are, we all want to fall in love. We all feel like we’re missing something and it sucks. It’s okay to be a little jealous, it’s healthy even!”

Kris rubbed his thumb across the back of Tao’s neck. “He’s right baby. We all feel lonely, it doesn’t make you a horrible friend. It makes you human.”

“It sucks,” Tao sobbed. “And it hurts. I want it to stop.”

Suho laid down next to him and wrapped his arm around Tao’s waist. “It will,” he promised. “One day you’ll find someone who will love you.”

Kris laid down as well, curling up against Tao’s back and kissing his cheek. “We can talk more about this in the morning,” he said softly. “For now we should get some sleep.”

Tao woke up in the middle of the night because his arm had fallen asleep. As he tried to rearrange himself he found that Kris and Suho were pressed tightly against his sides, holding him and keeping him safe. Tao knew that in the morning he would feel silly for overreacting, and Kai and Sehun would make him sit between them at breakfast and they would fuss over him and make sure he was okay. Maybe they would play tag on the road or try to teach Daisy to fetch, and Tao would realize that he wasn’t being abandoned after all. But for now all he could think was that if he had to be lonely, it wasn’t bad to have Suho and Kris with him.


	29. Push and Pull

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 2Jong-centric  
> Continuity: some time after the previous chapter  
> WARNING FOR SEXUAL CONTENT BEWARE YE VIRGIN EYES.

Chen wondered why he was so surprised when he realized just what a tease Kai was. He teased a lot when he was younger, why should he be any different when dating?  
  
Chen forced himself not to jump when he felt arms wind around his waist from behind and hot breath tickle his ear.  
  
“Hi there,” Kai whispered, lips brushing his skin.  
  
Chen shivered. “Can’t you say hi to me like a normal person?” He whined.  
  
Kai tightened his grip and hid his face in Chen’s hair. “No,” he said happily. “I like this way better.”  
  
Chen squirmed. “But I can’t see you!”  
  
Kai bent down and kissed his neck and Chen bit his lip. “I like surprising you,” Kai confessed. “I like seeing how you react.”  
  
Chen ducked his head to hide his blush, not that anyone else was around. “You sap.”  
  
“Why are you so shy?” Kai asked. “It’s just me!” He let go of Chen’s waist and turned him around. “Hey, look up.” Chen kept his head down. Kai ducked his head and Chen spun away again. He heard Kai huff and the next thing he knew Kai was kissing the back of his neck.  
  
Chen shrieked and jumped away. “That tickles!”  
  
Kai pulled him back. “It was the only part of you I could reach,” he defended. “Now come here so I can kiss you properly!”

  
Chen complied easily, turning back around and wrapping his arms around Kai’s neck. Once they’d kissed the first time, it was like someone turned on a faucet and now they couldn’t stop. Or at least, Chen couldn’t stop, but this was when Kai started to tease him.  
  
Whenever they would kiss, they would start off slow and sweet. Brief little pecks, light kisses on the cheek. Then Chen would want more. He would tip his head back, knowing that Kai liked his neck and liked kissing it, and sometimes Kai would take the bait and slowly mouth along Chen’s throat. Sometimes Chen would gasp, or part his lips and try to get Kai to kiss him again, but Kai would only smile and kiss him gently and promise “later”.  
  
This was what Kai did almost always actually.  
  
“No,” Chen whined, pulling Kai back when he did it again. “Now!” And he stubbornly clung to Kai’s shoulders, let his teeth catch on Kai’s lower lip and reveled in the moan that came from Kai’s throat.  
  
“Chen,” he mumbled into the kiss. “Really, we’re going to be missed.”  
  
Chen pouted in what he hoped was an alluring way. “But Kai, I want to kiss you!”  
  
This was how it had been for the year since their first kiss, when Kai had sleepily turned Chen towards him and whispered good morning before so gently…  
  
“I want to kiss you too,” Kai sighed. “But later, when we can actually do this comfortably and not in a forest. Tree bark hurts, I still have marks from yesterday.”  
  
Yesterday when Chen got frustrated with the slow pace of Kai’s lips and shoved him hard against a tree, taking over himself.  
  
“You do not,” Chen protested. “They healed in like five minutes.”  
  
Maybe it was because he felt bad for all those years of chasing Chen around and grossing him out with worms, but Kai seemed to revel in romancing him now. He preferred to lay Chen on a bed or a sofa, kiss him slowly and hover over him just enough so that he could sneak his hand under Chen’s shirt. Kai preferred breathless gasps and sighs, comfortable touches.  
  
Chen…well he liked all of that, really, but lately all he wanted for Kai to manhandle him. Throw him down or up against a wall and leave bite marks all down his neck and jaw, press against him so close that not even air could get between them, push his thighs apart and…And that was where it ended and Chen would accidentally choke on his own spit.  
  
It was all most decidedly Sehun’s fault. That bratty little kid just had to go around flaunting his hickeys and staring off into space with a stupid grin on his face. And of course he had to talk to someone about it, he had to gush about it to somebody. And since Baekhyun and Chen were the only other ones with a relationship (or an outed one at least), they were the ones that Sehun went to more often than not. He’d drag them off on some pointless venture, like wood collection or something and spend the entire time talking about Lu Han. It had gotten even worse since the wedding.  
  
“We’ve started experimenting a little,” Sehun said with a slight blush.  
  
Baekhyun stared at him. “You mean you haven’t done that enough?”  
  
“Not really,” Sehun insisted. “I mean yeah we tried a few things but not like this.”  
  
“Like what?!” Baekhyun cried, clinging to his arm. “Tell us!”  
  
Sehun grinned slightly. “Reward and punishment,” he was about to say more but Chen cut him off.  
  
“What do you mean by punishment?” He gasped.  
  
“Nothing bad,” Sehun assured. “It’s fun, it’s—”  
  
“Kinky as fuck!” Baekhyun crowed. “Holy crap, Sehun! Where’s you even learn about that? Not from Suho that’s for damn sure…”  
  
“We read about it in a book. I was the one who brought it up, Lu Han was really enthusiastic though…”  
  
“Explain this to me!” Chen cried. “I don’t get it, what’s it mean?!”  
  
Sehun wriggled away from Baekhyun. “Like, say Lu Han tells me I can’t move. I can’t touch him, or myself, and then while I’m trying to hold still he’s…” he trailed off, eyeing Chen. “Do you…how far have you and Kai gone?”  
  
“I know enough,” Chen snapped, trying not to blush. “Go on.”  
  
“Okay, while I’m holding still Lu Han is sucking me off. So it’s hard to hold still like that, you know?”  
  
Chen nodded faintly, trying very hard not to picture what Sehun was describing.  
  
“Sometimes he’ll tell me not to make a sound too. If I manage to do what he says, he’ll let me come. If not, then I have to wait.”  
  
“Oh, you’re into orgasm denial too?” Baekhyun gasped. “Damn, I want to try that on Chanyeol! What’s it like?”  
  
“Torture,” Sehun admitted. “But it’s so worth it. Lu Han makes me hold off until I cry.”  
  
Baekhyun whistled. “Damn, I have to talk to Chanyeol about that. I don’t want him to cry though…”  
  
Chen felt a little faint. In the midst of trying not picture Sehun and Lu Han, he’d imagined Kai instead. He felt his face heat up and frantically started to pick up sticks.  
  
“Let’s get moving,” he grumbled. They really did need wood.  
  
Okay, maybe he wasn’t as adventurous as Sehun. Maybe he didn’t want to start a system of rewards and the like, but maybe…maybe he wanted Kai to bear down on him, hold him against the bed and leave angry red marks on his hips and thighs. Maybe he wanted Kai to pin his wrists down and make him scream…  
  
Okay, scratch that, Chen thought as he stared at his wrist and pictured Kai’s fingers wrapping around it. he _definitely_ wanted that. But how to bring it up?  
  
Well who could he ask but Sehun?  
  
“How’d you bring it bring it up Lu Han?” He blurted after dragging Sehun to the side. “You know,” he sighed when Sehun gave him a look. “The whole reward thing.”  
  
“Oh!” Sehun gasped. “Well, I just said it. we’ve always been pretty open about what we’ve wanted.”  
  
“Oh,” Chen said faintly. He and Kai hadn’t even talked about sex yet. They’d really only been dating for two years, which was really short when you live forever.  
  
Sehun peered at him closely. “You should just tell him what you want.”  
  
Chen shrugged. “What if he doesn’t want the same things as me?”  
  
“Compromise,” Sehun said. “But you know, really I think Kai would do just about anything for you. And I think you might want the same things, but he doesn’t want to bring it up because he’s afraid of scaring you. And if he’s afraid of hurting you, just promise him that you’ll say something if you’re uncomfortable.”  
  
Chen swallowed. “Is it really that easy?”  
  
Sehun nodded. “It was for me.”  
  


* * *

  
  
“Kai,” Chen gasped into his boyfriend’s neck. He gripped Kai’s hair tighter, back arcing up off the sofa. “Kai…I want…”  
  
“Hm?” Kai prompted, bending down and tracing his lips along Chen’s clavicle. “What?”  
  
“Bite me,” Chen moaned without thinking.  
  
Kai sat up. “Huh?”  
  
Chen blinked up at him, wondering if he should go on. Kai was flushed and panting, his lips swollen from kisses and Chen could feel Kai’s thighs shifting against his hips…  
  
“Bite me,” he repeated quickly, breathlessly. “I want you to mark me up, I want you to be rough. Please,” he added when Kai’s eyes widened. “I can’t stop thinking about it, I like this but…I want to try…”  
  
Kai pulled back and looked at Chen seriously. “Are you sure? Will you tell me to stop if I hurt you?”  
  
Chen nodded frantically. “Yes, I’ll tell you.”  
  
Kai still hesitated. “How…should we set boundaries? How far do you want this to go?”  
  
Chen inhaled deeply. “I’m ready for everything.”  
  
“You mean sex?” Kai pressed.  
  
“Yeah,” Chen said. “Yeah, that’s what I mean.”  
  
Kai exhaled sharply and for a half second Chen thought that maybe he’d say he wasn’t ready, but then Kai smiled at him. “Really? I mean, you really want me like that?”  
  
And Chen got that it was a moment for them, he truly did, but at the same time he wanted Kai’s teeth on his neck _yesterday_.  
  
“Yes,” Chen groaned, tugging on Kai’s shirt. “I want you like this, _please_ , Kai just…”  
  
Kai’s head dropped and he immediately bit down on Chen’s neck. Chen gasped and threw his head back, fingers digging into Kai’s shoulders…  
  
“Harder,” he gasped.  
  
Kai let go and brushed his lips down a little further, suddenly sinking his teeth into Chen’s skin. Chen keened and arched up, he felt his blood rushing through his body, heat pooling in his stomach.  
  
“Fuck,” Kai gasped, leaning back and rubbing his thumb over the mark. “That’s so hot, Chen…”  
  
Chen was gasping, blinking up at Kai. He scrambled for the hem of Kai’s shirt, tugging it up.  
  
“Off,” he mumbled. “Mine too, help me…”  
  
Kai tugged his own shirt off his head, helped Chen sit up so that they could throw his on the floor too. From this position Kai was straddling Chen’s lap, and his neck was at a perfect angle for Chen to lean forward and press his lips to Kai’s throat. Kai moaned and tilted his head, lips brushing the side of Chen’s face. Chen scraped his teeth along Kai’s neck and Kai whined in his ear.  
  
Chen pulled back for a kiss, taking Kai by surprise and easily slipping his tongue in Kai’s mouth. This was not the slow, careful kisses they usually shared. This was messy, this was teeth clashing and biting down on each other’s lips and god Chen had no idea that kissing could be so loud…  
  
Kai pulled back first and stood up. “Bed,” he gasped. “We need more room.”  
  
Chen agreed and got to his feet, a little unsteady from how turned on he was. Kai grabbed him and pulled him close, palming the front of Chen’s jeans. Chen moaned loudly, stumbling into Kai and bucking against his hand.  
  
“By the Tree,” Kai breathed. “You’re so hot…damn it,” he kissed Chen again. Chen pulled away first and stumbled back.  
“Bedroom, now.”  
  
Chen lead the way and when he burst through the door he stopped. He’d never gotten this far in his head. He turned around and saw Kai bent next to his bag, rummaging through.  
  
“Aha,” He announced, standing up.  
  
“What is that?” Chen asked, stepping up to his side.  
  
Kai blushed. “It’s um…lubricant, I think Lu Han called it. He gave it to me, said I should hold onto it just in case, not that I was planning for this to happen now or anything,” he added hastily.  
  
“Right,” Chen nodded. “Good, I was actually just thinking about that…”  
  
Kai smiled, seeming a bit more relaxed. He kissed Chen, more gently this time. “Love you,” he whispered. “Really, I love you so much.”  
  
Chen melted and got a little more turned on at the same time. “I love you too…”  
  
Maybe he would have gone on, but at that moment Kai scooped him up and carried him over to the bed, dropping him down none-too gently and climbing on top of him to kiss his stomach.  
  
Chen gasped and gripped Kai’s hair, pulling slightly. “Teeth,” he panted. “I want…” He didn’t get to finish, breaking off with a whine when Kai sucked on the ridge of his hip and worried the skin between his teeth. After a moment he broke off and moved to dip his tongue into Chen’s navel, making him squirm and pant. He kissed up slowly, pausing bite down on Chen’s nipple and Chen cried out, arching up. Kai kissed Chen’s mark, teeth scraping the head of the scorpion. Chen felt like his skin was burning, his chest felt too warm, his legs were shaking. He reached down with a shaking hand and undid the zipper on his jeans but got stuck on the button.  
  
“You alright?” Kai asked, seeing Chen’s fingers shaking.  
  
“Fine,” Chen panted. “I just…I want these off and I can’t…” He broke off with a frustrated sigh.  
  
Kai grinned at him. “It’s okay,” he crooned. “I got you.” He undid the button and slipped his fingertips under the waistband of Chen’s jeans, slowly pulling them off. Chen swore he didn’t breathe at all until he heard them hit the floor. He waited, but Kai sat back and undid his own jeans, and this time Chen noticed that his fingers were shaking too.  
  
“Are _you_ alright?” He asked, sitting up on his elbows.  
  
Kai nodded, tugging his pants down over his thighs. “Yeah, just…” he threw his own jeans on the floor and crawled back over Chen’s body, hovering over him.  
  
“Just?” Chen prompted, resting his hands on Kai’s hips.  
  
Kai smiled. “Just you,” he said before kissing Chen. “Just want you.”  
  
Chen suddenly tugged Kai’s hips down and grinded up against him. They both gasped and Kai swore.  
  
“You’ll be the death of me,” Kai panted, gripping Chen’s hips and pushing them down. Chen squirmed and he pushed Kai’s boxers down a little.  
  
“Off,” he begged. “Please, Kai, I need you.”  
  
Kai complied and just as quickly got rid of Chen’s underwear too. Chen waited for something, anything, with Kai just kneeling between his legs. For second Kai just stared at him, then he lowered his head and quickly took Chen’s cock in his mouth.  
  
Chen swore loudly and bucked up, but Kai held his hips down. “Damn,” he gasped, “Kai, you…fuck,” he hissed as Kai swirled his tongue over the head. “Kai…”  
  
He reached down and gripped Kai’s hair again, just to have something to anchor himself with. Kai moaned when Chen pulled on his hair and Chen almost sobbed at the feeling.  
  
“Kai, please,” Chen panted, he could hear his heart pounding, his toes curled in the sheets. Kai pulled back and grinned at Chen, licking his lips.  
  
“Yeah babe?” Kai asked innocently, a little hoarse. Chen fell back on the bed and gasped at the ceiling. He heard Kai laugh breathlessly and with one hand he grabbed Chen’s leg and bent it, turning his head and kissing the inside of Chen’s knee, licking the skin. His other hand still held Chen’s hips down and Chen writhed in his hold, wanting more, wanting…  
  
“Kai where the fuck is the lube?” He panted. “If you’re not going to use it then…”  
  
Kai laughed again. “Okay, I get it.” He grabbed the bottle and flipped the cap up, squeezing it on his fingers. He hovered over Chen once more, bracing himself on one hand. “You can tell me if it hurts and I’ll stop,” Kai breathed. “I don’t want to hurt you.”  
  
“It’s alright,” Chen promised. “You won’t.”  
  
But of course it did hurt a little. Kai was very careful, pressing in first one finger and then two, always asking Chen if he was okay, if he could move, if he was going too fast. Chen held onto Kai’s shoulders, eyes shut and panting into his neck. Kai scissored his fingers and Chen squirmed against the stretch.  
  
“Hang on,” Kai said, pulling out. He grabbed the lube again, squeezing more on his fingers and then into Chen’s hand.  
  
“Touch yourself,” he panted. “I…it’ll feel better.”  
  
It did actually, Chen found. It distracted him a bit, and Kai managed to stretch him a little more before Chen stopped him. “I’m okay now,” he assured, wrapping his slick hand around Kai’s cock and privately enjoying the drawn out moan he got.

Kai grabbed his thighs and held them apart and Chen gasped at the pull in his muscles. “Wrap your legs around my waist,” Kai said, and Chen did so quickly, digging his heels into Kai’s back.  
  
The first press made Chen shy away and Kai hesitated.  
  
“I’m okay,” Chen promised, “It’s…hold my hand,” he blurted, holding out his hand, palm up and fingers spread. He blushed because it sounded awkward, but Kai flashed him a smile and kissed him.  
  
“Okay,” he breathed, taking Chen’s hand and pressing it into the bed. “Like I said, I’ve got you.”  
  
The next press made Chen’s back arch off the bed, his free hand going around to Kai’s back and digging his nails into his skin. Kai made sure to go slowly, and after a while Chen kicked Kai’s leg and told him to get it the fuck over with. Kai did as he was told, and he bent down to whisper soothingly in Chen’s ear as Chen tried to adjust.  
  
“It’s just me,” Kai whispered. “It’s just me babe.”  
  
Chen exhaled in a huff and leaned back on the bed. “I know, I do. I love you Kai.”  
  
“I love you too,” Kai moaned as he leaned forward, rocking into Chen and Chen gasped, letting go of his death grip on Kai’s hand and instead wrapping his arm around his shoulders.  
  
“Do that again,” Chen pleaded.  
  
Kai pulled out slowly and rocked forward again. Chen almost sobbed and Kai swore. Kai struggled onto his knees and pulled Chen closer by his hips, Chen’s legs fell from Kai’s waist and for a second he was just lying on his back, panting at the ceiling. Then Kai leaned over him and snapped his hips forward. Chen inhaled sharply, digging his nails into Kai’s arms. It didn’t hurt anymore, Chen could feel his body clenching around Kai, he could feel Kai hot inside of him. It felt like Kia went a little deeper with each thrust, and Chen felt like he could never get enough of this feeling. He couldn’t stop the slight gasps and breathy moans that rose up in his throat, and Kai echoed each one, leaning his forehead against Chen’s shoulder or on the mattress next to his head.  
  
Chen’s nails scrabbled for purchase against Kai’s skin, slick with sweat and Kai grabbed his wrists and pinned them above his head. Chen really did sob that then, writhing on the bed, hips snapping down to meet Kai’s.  
  
“Touch me,” Chen begged. “Please Kai, I’m so close…”  
  
“I know,” Kai breathed. “Soon baby, I promise…”  
  
Kai kept Chen’s wrists pinned with one hand and rocked into him over and over, other hand slowly stroking his cock until Kai’s hips stuttered and he thrust forward hard, moaning as he came. Chen squirmed out of his grasp, grabbing the hand that still slowly stroked his cock and tightened Kai’s grip, and finally he came too, sobbing Kai’s name—his real name.  
Kai was panting in his ear, one arm shaking as he tried to hold himself up. There was sweat glistening on his chest and neck and Chen leaned up, licking tentatively. Not the best thing ever, but Kai moaned and leaned down further so Chen did it again. Kai finally pulled out, Chen winced as he did, and collapsed on the bed on Chen’s right. Chen turned over, laying one hand on Kai’s chest. For a moment they tried to catch their breath, each lost in his own thoughts. Then Chen pushed himself up on one arm to lean over Kai and kiss him. Kai reached up and cradled Chen’s jaw, fingertips brushing the sharp curve near his ear.  
  
Kai whined when Chen pulled back, but it changed to a soft gasp when Chen kissed his chest, licking and leaving scrapes from his teeth on his mark.  
  
“Okay enough,” Kai moaned, pulling Chen back up and kissing him. He flipped their positions, wincing slightly. “Back hurts a bit,” he explained sheepishly when Chen raised an eyebrow.  
  
“Why…oh,” Chen said, blushing. “My nails?”  
  
“Yeah, but it’s okay. It’ll be a nice reminder until they heal,” Kai assured him.  
  
Chen grinned at him. “I can leave more if you want,” he purred, scratching gently down Kai’s chest, stopping just above his navel.  
  
Kai shivered and grabbed his wrist, pulling it up and kissing his palm. “Maybe later,” he said seriously before his tongue darted out and licked up Chen’s finger. This time it was Chen’s turn to shiver.  
  
“Later,” he agreed. Kai smirked and kissed him again, slowly curling his tongue around Chen’s.  
  
“You’re so beautiful Chen,” Kai breathed against his lips. “So fucking perfect…I can’t believe it sometimes.”  
  
“You too,” Chen muttered. “You’re pretty incredible yourself.”  
  
Kai laughed as he kissed Chen again. “What a pair we are. We might be the hottest ones here.”  
  
“Without a doubt,” Chen agreed.  
  
Kai fell back on his side, keeping Chen’s hand grasped tightly in his own. He was smiling like this was the happiest he’d ever been, and Chen found himself a bit breathless. He’d always loved Kai’s smile, the way it made his eyes turn up and his whole face light up.  
  
“I love you,” Chen said, and he jumped when he realized Kai said it at the same time.  
  
They both giggled. “Okay,” Kai said, “Sleepy time. You wore me out.”  
  
Chen snuggled into Kai’s arms. They were both sweaty and in need of a shower, but Chen figured they could take care of that later. Right now he just wanted to fall asleep in his boyfriend’s arms.


	30. 3 More Kisses

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kris-centric  
> Continuity-throughout the fic, mostly following the events of Chapter 28  
> Warning: OHOHOHOHOHO YOU THINK THIS SOUNDS CUTE AND FLUFFY, DON’T YOU?! XD Silly reader, ANGST AHEAD!!

Kris’ first kiss had been with a young girl who’s family had taken shelter in the Sanctuary during a storm. Kris was six years old, as was the young girl. Kris hadn’t seen anyone his own age in almost a year, and her family was nomadic, so she hadn’t had anyone to play with besides her siblings for her whole life. It was customary for guests to have dinner with the Sanctuary residents, and the young girl sat across from Kris and talked to him through the whole meal. Her name was Iseul, she loved tag, and she could run faster than any of her five brothers. Kris asked her to play with him after dinner, and she readily accepted.

Kris took her to the third floor, which was largely unused in the evenings. Iseul turned to him with a smile and promptly smacked his arm. “Tag, you’re it!” She screamed, and she took off down the hall laughing hysterically.

The chased each other around for about an hour before finally collapsing on the floor, out of breath and sweating. Iseul suddenly pointed to Kris’ neck.

“What’s that?”

Kris looked down and saw that she was pointing at his necklace—the wing token he’d chosen.

“It’s my symbol token,” Kris explained. “It’s the final test to becoming a Guardian.”

Iseul crawled closer, staring at the charm intently. “Can I see?”

Kris was reluctant to take his necklace off, so he simply leaned closer to Iseul and allowed her to turn the amulet over in her hands.

“It’s so pretty,” She said, brushing her fingertips over the carved feathers. “What’s it made of?”

Bone, Kris thought, but that was probably too frightening to hear for the average six year old. “I don’t know,” he lied. “I never asked.”

Iseul shrugged and let the amulet fall. “Well, it’s nice anyway.”

Kris held the wings in his palm. “I’m supposed to have wings like this.”

Iseul’s eyes widened and she gasped. “Really?! No way, humans can’t have wings!”

“I can,” Kris told her. “Because I’m a Guardian.”

“Wow,” Iseul sighed. “Is it fun being a Guardian?”

“Not yet,” Kris admitted. “Right now it’s just lonely.”

Iseul giggled. “But you live in this nice place with all of these people, how could you be lonely?”

 _‘Because I need my other Guardians,’_ Kris thought, but before he could say that Iseul was on her feet once more.

“Come on, let’s play more!”

Kris chased her to the end of the hall, and just when he thought he had her cornered she managed to dodge him.

“Missed me, now you have to kiss me!” Iseul sang as she skipped away.

Kris stood there, dumbstruck. “I have to what?” He asked incredulously.

Iseul stared at him. “I was just kidding…unless you want to kiss me?” She asked with a shy smile.

Kris blinked at her. Did he want to kiss her? Probably, he reasoned. Boys kissed girls, and since he was in a group with all boys she was probably the last girl he’d see for a long time…

“Okay, I will kiss you,” Kris decided.

Iseul giggled and shuffled closer. She started to close her eyes, but before she could finish Kris leaned in and pecked her swiftly on the lips.

“There,” He said as he pulled back. Iseul was blushing and she giggled again, hiding her face in her hands.

“You’re cute,” she said to Kris.

“Am not,” Kris fired back, puffing up slightly. “I’m a boy.”

“Boys can be cute too,” Iseul said imperiously. “Sometimes they can be cuter than girls.”

Shortly after that, Iseul decided it was time for her to find her family again, so Kris lead her back downstairs. She held onto his hand the whole way, and Kris didn’t protest. She and her family left the next day when the storm cleared, and she walked out backwards, waving to Kris until she finally turned a bend in the path. Kris never saw her again.

* * *

Kris’ second kiss was with Chanyeol, on a rainy night in the Northern Sanctuary. They were both in the healers room, Chanyeol burning with fever and Kris with an awful ache in his bones. It was either very late in the night or very early in the morning, Kris didn’t know which. Either way, everyone else was asleep. He and Chanyeol had been trying to talk to distract themselves from how awful they felt, but they had trailed off, each lost in his own thoughts.

Kris thought that maybe flying, living forever and being a Guardian wasn’t worth all this. His bones were being scraped out from inside, what was fun about this? And Chanyeol was practically near death with the way his temperature skyrocketed. They easily had the short end of the stick, everyone else had it easy. Nothing in their body had to change.

“I wonder why Xiumin doesn’t freeze,” Kris suddenly said out loud.

Chanyeol looked over at him, squinting in the darkness. “What do you mean?”

Kris sighed. “He freezes things, so why doesn’t he turn into an icicle?”

“Oh!” Chanyeol said, “It’s because he doesn’t make ice from nothing. He freezes water that’s already there, just by changing its state. I make fire from nothing, so I have to start it myself using my own body heat.”

“Ah,” Kris said. He hadn’t actually expected Chanyeol to know. “You know of all the elements that you could have gotten, you got the worst.”

Chanyeol hummed. “But I don’t mind, I think fire fits me.”

“I think you’re more like Earth,” Kris said.

“Why?” Chanyeol asked.

“Because you’re strong and intimidating,” Kris teased.

Chanyeol laughed. “Baekhyun should have been ice,” He said. Then, “Oh, that was mean…he’s a good person…”

“He’s frosty,” Kris scoffed. “No getting around it. Kyungsoo should have been Air. He’s more suited for the wings than I am, he’s small and squishy…I should have been…I don’t know. Anything but this.”

“You were meant for wings,” Chanyeol insisted. “I was meant for fire, there’s no getting around it.”

“Wings are for people who can be leaders,” Kris said. “I didn’t want to be a leader.”

Kris heard Chanyeol sit up. “I don’t think anyone wants to be a leader in this case, the job picks them. like the Tree picked us.”

“The Tree did a lousy job,” Kris snapped. “What kind of a leader am I? Look at me, do I look strong to you?” And he sat up too, forcing himself to lean over and turn up the lamp next to him, even though it hurt to do so.

He caught Chanyeol’s gaze, his eyes bright in the flickering lamplight. The shadows made him look older, and Kris had to wonder how he looked. He had much sharper features than Chanyeol did, and with his pained expression he must have looked wicked. He fell back on his pillow and turned on his side.

“If Lu Han had been there before me, he might have been made leader,” Kris mumbled. “It wasn’t anything special about me, it was a matter of convenience. That’s all it was.”

He heard Chanyeol’s sheets rustle and a few seconds later felt his mattress dip. Chanyeol laid down next to him, settling against his back.

“Hyung,” Chanyeol whispered, sounding tearful. “It hurts…”

Immediately Kris turned over and gathered Chanyeol in his arms. His skin felt almost too hot to touch, but Kris knew how clingy Chanyeol could get when he was in pain so he reconciled himself to being too warm that night.

“Where does it hurt?” Kris asked gently. “Do you want me to get the Healers?”

“No,” Chanyeol sniffled, wrapping his arms around Kris’ waist. “I just want you…”

“Okay,” Kris soothed, petting Chanyeol’s hair gently. “You can stay in my bed tonight if you want, I don’t mind. I…are you smiling?”

Chanyeol pulled back and grinned almost smugly at Kris. “And you say you aren’t a leader.”

Kris blinked down at him. “What…you were faking it?!”

“No,” Chanyeol admitted. “It really does hurt, but you always make me feel better. Even though I know it’s uncomfortable since I’m so warm, you and Suho never turn me away, you always want to protect me. That’s what makes you a good leader.”

Kris stared at Chanyeol in shock for a few more seconds, then Chanyeol closed his eyes and huddled closer to Kris.

“Ouch,” he muttered, “It really does hurt…”

Kris leaned down and kissed Chanyeol’s forehead lightly. “I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I shouldn’t have said all that to you now…you’re right, I will always protect you. I’ll never turn you away, I’ll always be here. If I could take your pain I would…”

Chanyeol sighed. “Kris?”

“Yeah?”

Chanyeol leaned up and kissed him square on the mouth. “Shut up and go to sleep,” he mumbled when he pulled away.

* * *

Kris’ third kiss happened much later, when they were on Earth. He hadn’t had much time to think about kissing since his last one with Chanyeol, only enough to realize that it was Chanyeol being Chanyeol, and it was nothing but a moment between friends. Chanyeol had Baekhyun, and he would never feel that way about Kris.

Now that they were reunited as twelve and they were older and more mature, Kris could clearly see lines being drawn. He wondered how he could have ever missed the underlying sexual tension between Kai and Chen, how he had overlooked just what Chanyeol meant to Baekhyun. And there were other hints lingering around, sideways glances that lead to blushes, hands that crept closer only to be pulled away at the last second. It was lonely, being the leader and knowing that these were your kids, and maybe they didn’t need you as much anymore.

On the eighth year anniversary since reuniting, they went back to meet the Tree of Life. It had been three years since Lu Han and Sehun’s wedding, and two weeks since Tao’s meltdown on the road. Kris replayed the incident for the Tree, showing it how helpless he’d felt in that moment, unsure of what he could say to Tao that would make him stop hurting.

The Tree sent a rush of comfort to him. “ _It’s difficult to be patient, especially in areas such as love. But I want you to keep an open mind, dear one. Love comes in all shapes and forms, and sometimes it takes time. You will find love, I promise. All of you will find something that makes you happy, and you will always have each other._ ”

But it was so hard to believe that when he watched Sehun and Lu Han cuddle, and he was by himself with only an extra sweater for warmth.

Whenever they come across and abandoned apartment or hotel, they pair off and go their separate ways for the night. Tao had started to spend some time with Xiumin, kicking Suho out more often than not. When that happened, Suho would show up at Kris’ door, holding a pillow and smiling in a slightly helpless way. It was on a night such as this when Kris suddenly turned to Suho as they got ready for bed.

“Did you mean what you said to Tao?”

Suho looked over at him in surprise, stuck with his shirt halfway off. Kris himself was only half dressed in a pair of loose pants, his shirt forgotten on the bed.

“About what?” Suho asked.

“About being lonely,” Kris clarified.

Suho finally pulled his shirt off, taking his time with his answer. “Yes,” he said simply, his back turned to Kris.

“Do you see yourself falling in love one day?” Kris pressed.

Suho shrugged. “Maybe. I’ll have to see what happens.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It means I try not to think about it,” Suho said.

Kris put his hand on Suho’s shoulder and turned him around. “So you’ll just sit around and wait?”

Suho rolled his eyes. “In case you haven’t noticed Kris, we’re kind of alone on this planet.”

Kris felt his stomach drop a little. “You want someone outside of our group?”

Suho’s eye twitched. “I don’t know,” he said vehemently. “I don’t know anything, Kris! And I won’t know until it’s time!”

“That’s stupid,” Kris scoffed. “Why wait? If you really want something you have to look for it!”

“Maybe that’s how you work,” Suho growled, “But that’s not me.”

“So you’ll just suffer in silence,” Kris said, rolling his eyes as he turned to put his shirt on again. “That’s so typical of you. This whole time you’ve never confided in me, I always had to drag it out of you. Just once it would be nice to know that you actually needed me, Suho.”

Suho grabbed his arm and turned him back around. “Did you not hear what I said to you when we found you?” He hissed, eyes narrowed to slits. “I’ve always needed you, I’ve confided plenty of things to you, just not what you wanted to hear…”

“You’ve avoided me since then!” Kris exploded. “You think I don’t notice?! You’ve changed, you don’t talk to me like you used to.”

“You’ve avoided me!” Suho yelled, shoving Kris back. “And calling the kettle black, what about all those times you pushed yourself to the brink and never once asked me for my help? Do you know how long it took me to feel like _you_ needed _me_?”

Kris shook his head. “I only did that because you were younger, I didn’t want to worry you…”

“Well you did worry me!” Suho hollered. “And you continue to worry me, and I’m…” he trailed off, panting. “I’m sick of it,” he whispered, looking down. He rubbed a hand over his face and sighed heavily. “I’m sorry…I didn’t mean to yell at you.”

Kris looked away as well. “It’s my fault anyway, I shouldn’t have pushed you. I’m sorry.”

Suho laughed and Kris looked back up. Suho’s eyes were shining with tears. “What a pair we are,” he said dryly. “We’ve had so many miscommunications, ever since we were young. Remember how we used to fight?”

Kris could clearly recall punching Suho in the jaw a few times, and the knees to the stomach he’d get from time to time. “We were pretty violent,” he admitted. “I’m sorry for all that.”

“Me too,” Suho said, “And I’m sorry I’ve been avoiding you. You’re right, it was a conscious decision not to go to you.”

“Why?” Kris asked, stepping closer and laying his hand on Suho’s arm. “I’m supposed to help you, you can tell me anything.”

Suho sat on the edge of his bed, cradling his head in his hands. “I just…” he broke off with a sob and Kris sat next to him, rubbing his back gently.

“It’s okay, you can tell me,” Kris said softly.

Suho sobbed even harder. “I feel like I’m losing them, watching them grow up and fall in love…it’s like they don’t need me anymore. I don’t know what to do, I don’t know how to let them go…I don’t want my kids to leave me.”

Kris swallowed around the sudden lump in his throat. There could be no doubt to whom he was referring to, and Kris had to think that Suho had gotten the short end of the stick. Kyungsoo was the only kid in his group who hadn’t paired off, but Kris thought that it wouldn’t be long before he did. And then all of Suho’s kids would have fallen in love, and where did that leave him.

“They just…they don’t need me the way they used to,” Suho cried. “They have each other for safety and love, and what am I supposed to do for them?” He hiccuped, his shoulders shook with sobs. “I don’t want to lose them…”

Kris tugged Suho closer, tucking his head under his chin. Suho curled into his side and sobbed into his shirt.

“I’ll always need you,” Kris said hoarsely, his voice thick with unshed tears. “Maybe not the same way they did but…I’ll never stop needing you. Leaders have to stick together, right?”

Suho sniffled and looked up. Kris carefully wiped the tears from Suho’s face, at the same time feeling the tears start to fall from his own eyes. “I hate seeing you cry,” he said with a short laugh that morphed into a sob.

Suho laughed too and brushed his fingers across Kris’ cheek. “You too,” he choked. “You look weird when you cry.”

“Hey!”

Suho reached around Kris’ back and grabbed the edge of his wing, pulling it out slightly. Kris thought perhaps he wanted a wing-hug, but instead Suho gently carded his fingers through the feathers. Kris shivered and bit back a whine. It had been ages since Suho had touched his wings, which was a shame because he was the best when it came to petting. Kris swallowed, throat suddenly dry. This felt different from the other times.

Suho scratched his nails against the tough skin under Kris’ feathers, taking in the shiver that ran through his body. “I almost forgot how therapeutic this was,” he murmured.

“Yeah,” Kris croaked. “Therapeutic. Right.”

Suho chuckled and leaned his head against Kris’ shoulder. “You know, as warped as it sounds I used to love getting you like this.”

“Like what?” Kris asked.

“This,” Suho said and he raked his fingers through the feathers, making Kris arch his back. “You’re always so much more honest when you’re delirious from having your wings petted…you used to mutter things right before you fell asleep.”

“What things?” Kris asked, wondering how he was managing to stay coherent. He was like a cat when it came to this, if he could have purred he would. It felt really freaking nice…

“Mostly about how wonderful I was,” Suho teased.

“You are wonderful,” Kris said.

Suho picked his head up and stretched forward until he was almost nose to nose with Kris. “How wonderful?” He asked. “Enough to get away with this?” And then he pressed his lips to Kris’.

Kris yielded to him instantly, parting his lips with a soft whine and leaning back until Suho fell on top of him, Suho’s fingers still buried in his wings. Yes, Suho was wonderful enough to get away with this, Kris thought idly as Suho licked into his mouth. He could get away with this for a long time, or at least for tonight.

It didn’t go past kissing, but a few hours later as Kris drifted off to sleep with Suho’s head nestled against his chest, he couldn’t help but feel like he was betraying someone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original notes:  
> The last section basically continues from where ‘Third Wheel’ left off, which I didn’t originally intend…I wanted it to be happier than this…LOL WHAT IS HAPPY?! This is definitely rushed, I wrote it all today, this evening in fact because I was so sick of my own sh*t, I’ve been ignoring this story and it’s my baby so I was having none of it and I told myself that I HAD to update TONIGHT.
> 
> So here you go, this is the beginning (ish) of the Suho/Kris/Tao OT3 that I just decided I have to write because there is an absolutely SHAMEFUL lack of it. SHAMEFUL DO YOU HEAR ME (ノಠ益ಠ)ノ彡┻━┻
> 
> Oh also, 30TH DRABBLE!!!!!! YAY FOR MILESTONES :DDDDD And I've been having many Tao feels lately. THIS MAKNAE WILL BE THE DEATH OF ME I SWEAR IT. Um...hopefully next chapter will pick up where this leaves off. If my muse decides to cooperate (unlikely but one can hope).


	31. Love Sick

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Continuity: After the previous drabble  
> Kris/Tao/Suho centric

When Kris woke up with his face full of Suho’s hair he smiled to himself and sighed happily. This was nice, he could get used to this…the feeling of being so warm and happy even though he felt like he had to sneeze…

And then he imagined big, dark eyes looking up at him so heartbroken and lonely that it took his breath away. Kris sat up, pushing Suho off of him. Suho groaned and rolled over, blinking up at him sleepily.

“Wha’ happened?” He asked, rubbing his eyes.

Kris had to look away from him. “I…I don’t know. I feel bad.”

“Bad how?” Suho asked, sitting up. “Are you sick?”

Kris put his hand to his forehead. “Maybe…” he mumbled. “I’m sorry, I just…I can’t do this.”

“Do what?”

Kris flashed back to the night before, to Suho’s fingers trailing down his cheek and over his chest, resting on top of his mark. Suho had said a lot of things, one of them being that he’d been wanting this, been wanting _Kris_ , for a long time. They hadn’t gone beyond kissing, but it felt so much more intimate than that.

Kris refused to answer. He thought that there must be something wrong with him, here he had the love he’d been craving and yet it made him feel so awful. He turned his head away when Suho tried to kiss him.

“Did I say something wrong?” Suho asked. “Was it…too much?”

“Yes,” Kris said, latching on. “It was…I mean, thinking about it now, I’m not…I can’t…”

Suho smiled at him. “It’s okay,” he assured. “I’ve waited this long, I can wait longer.”

Kris felt his heart break even as he smiled. As soon as he got dressed, he ran to the room Xiumin and Tao were sharing, nearly breaking it down when he knocked.

Xiumin answered, “Oh, hang on I’ll go get…”

“No, I need you,” Kris said quickly, and he grabbed Xiumin’s hand and pulled him into the empty room across the hall.

Xiumin looked almost panicked. “What’s the matter? Did something happen?”

“Tao’s been hanging out with you a lot recently, right?” Kris asked. “Has he said anything to you that seemed off?”

“Off?” Xiumin echoed. “Well…he asks if I see him as grown up, sometimes.”

Kris swallowed nervously, wondering if he dared to ask. Kris had known Tao for a long time, and when they were younger it had been so easy to think of him as a friend but now…now he was grown up. He was mature, smart, funny, handsome and Kris felt so comfortable around him, like he didn’t even need to say anything for Tao to know how he felt. And he had a feeling that Tao felt the same way about him…

“Be honest with me,” Kris said in a hushed tone. “Do you think he likes me?”

Xiumin didn’t need clarification. “I think he’s crazy for you, but it’s complicated.”

Kris felt his stomach drop. “Complicated how?”

Xiumin shook his head. “I can’t answer that.”

Kris narrowed his eyes. “Can’t or won’t?”

But Xiumin said no more.

* * *

Tao thought he would have to be an idiot to miss the way Suho looked at Kris. He was honestly surprised that Kris missed it to be honest, if he was as lonely as he claimed. Then again, maybe Kris was just really dense, because Tao had been in love with him for years and he hadn’t…

Well, it wasn’t love at first. Or at least that’s what Xiumin told him.

“What you felt for him at first was hero worship,” He explained patiently after Tao had finished spilling what felt like his life story. “He was everything you wanted to be—confident, responsible, patient, caring…he was your emotional rock, he never turned you away or stayed mad at you. It’s normal to want that.”

“But you said felt,” Tao pointed out. “Past tense. So does that mean I love him now?”

Xiumin looked thoughtful. “You saw him break down. You saw him in a state of distress—weak, vulnerable and the total opposite of this image you had constructed of him. I think if you still want him even after that, then it could be love.”

Xiumin had then giving him a knowing look. “But I think this urge you have to let him be with Suho is even more telling. When you really care about someone, you want what’s best for them even if it hurts you more than anything.”

“How do you know that?” Tao asked wonderingly.

Xiumin grinned. “I read it in a book, and it makes sense to me. Also, I see the way you look at him. It’s the same way Chanyeol looks at Baekhyun.”

But apparently, Kris didn’t see it. Tao knew how much Suho cared about Kris, and since they were both leaders it made sense for them to fall in love. Who could be better suited for each other, who else could know what they went through? So Tao kept his mouth shut, even though it hurt to do so.

* * *

Suho honestly didn’t see it until he came across Kris crying in the woods. He had gone off to get firewood, and when he didn’t come back after twenty minutes, they all got worried. Tao insisted that Suho go off to find him, which at the time didn’t seem so weird. Suho went about fifty yards into the woods before he finally found his fellow leader. He was doubled over on his knees, his sweater balled up and pressed against his mouth to muffle his sobs.

Suho felt like his blood had turned to ice as he ran over. He dropped to the ground, anxiously grabbing Kris’ shoulders. “What happened?” He gasped. “Are you hurt?”

He tried to pull the sweater out of Kirs’ hands, but he had it in such a tight grip that it was impossible. He even ducked his head down further so Suho couldn’t take it. At the same time he started to cry harder, Suho could tell from how his shoulders were shaking.

“Kris, please,” He begged, “You’ll suffocate…you have to uncover your mouth, please!”

Kris finally obeyed, allowing the sweater to fall away. He fell onto his side, into Suho’s lap.

“I can’t do this,” Kris sobbed. “I’m so sorry…”

Suho heaved Kris into a more comfortable position and stroked his hair back from his face. He must have been crying for a long time, Suho thought, because his breathing was labored and his face was streaked with tear tracks.

“It’s okay,” Suho crooned. “It’s okay, just tell me what’s wrong. We’ll fix it, I promise.”

If anything that only upset him more. “I can’t, you can’t…” Kris broke off with a cough. “You can’t help me…”

Suho desperately pushed Kris upright, but Kris kept his head lowered. “Look at me, you need to sit up, you need to breathe.” Kris turned his head and Suho turned it back. “You’ll hurt yourself,” he said sternly. “Listen to me!”

Finally Kris stopped trying to fight him, though he kept his eyes lowered. He took slow, even breaths and didn’t resist when Suho checked him for injuries. Finding none, Suho determined that it must have been an emotional issue.

“What’s this about?” He asked as gently as he could.

Kris shook his head. “I’ll only hurt you.”

“I’ll be hurt more watching you suffer,” Suho said. “You know that.”

Kris sniffled and wiped his eyes. “I…I do love you Suho…” he mumbled. “But…”

Suho’s heart lurched. “But…?”

Kris finally raised his eyes, looking absolutely devastated. “You’ll h-hate me,” he mumbled, and it was the slight stutter that made Suho’s heart break. He’d never heard Kris stutter before, for any reason.

“I won’t,” He promised quickly. “I could never hate you, _never_.”

There was a brief moment of hesitation. Then, “It’s Tao.”

Suho waited. “What about Tao?” He prompted.

Kris swallowed, looking like he was about to faint. “I love him too.”

Suho froze. Oh… _oh_. Well, that was news to him.

* * *

Two days later, Suho cornered Tao in an abandoned shopping mall that they had invaded. Kris was wandering off by himself, lost in a dark and gloomy mood ever since his confession. Suho could do nothing to snap him out of it, and he hated seeing the man he loved so depressed. Or if he wasn’t depressed yet, he was sure to become so very soon.

“We have to talk about Kris,” Suho mumbled as he pulled Tao off to the side. The shopping center was huge, but Suho didn’t want them being overheard.

“What about Kris?” Tao asked. “Is he okay?”

“No,” Suho said, “He’s all torn up and I can’t make him better. I don’t know what else to do, I tried everything…”

“What are you talking about?” Tao demanded, pulling out of Suho’s grip. “You’re scaring me, what’s going on?”

Suho swallowed around a lump in his throat. “He wants you, Tao. He loves you.”

Tao froze. “What?”

“He loves you,” Suho repeated.

Tao started to smile. “He does? Really?” He looked absolutely elated, and Suho felt a brief flash of happiness for him before he remembered that it came at the expense of his own.

“By the Tree,” Tao gasped, carding his fingers through his hair. “I thought he…I never…” Then suddenly his smile slipped. “But he loves you!” He cried, pointing at Suho. “I saw how he looked at you, how you looked at him—you love Kris!”

“I know,” Suho almost snapped. “I told him, and he…he said he can’t be with me because he can’t hurt you.”

Tao looked like he was about to faint. “No,” he managed. “He’d never say that…he wouldn’t want to hurt you either.”

“I know,” Suho mumbled. “It took him three weeks to tell me, and I only found out because I made him say it. He said he could never take it if he hurt us both.”

“He won’t be with either of us,” Tao gasped, covering his mouth. “He can’t make that choice…oh god,” he whimpered, tearing up. “He’d rather be alone his whole life than make a choice.”

“I know,” Suho cried. “I just…” he forced himself to calm down and take a deep breath. “That’s why I came to talk to you.”

Tao suddenly looked very frightened.

“I’m not going to eat you,” Suho laughed. “Calm down, don’t you trust me?”

Tao nodded slightly and relaxed. “So, what do we do?”

Suho bit his lip. “Well, if he won’t chose…maybe he can love both of us?”

Tao blinked at Suho. “What, you mean we share? Take turns? Isn’t that a little…?”

“No,” Suho said quickly, “No, Kris isn’t a toy, we can’t just take turns. I think it needs to be the three of us.”

“ _Together?”_ Tao cried. “At the same time?”

“It’s been done before,” Suho said defensively. “I read about a generation of Guardians who had a group of four who loved each other, and they made it work. If you love someone that much, you make it work.”

“I know,” Tao snapped. “But this is Kris we’re talking about! He’ll feel like he’s forcing _us_ to be together against our will and hate himself for it.”

Suho had to laugh at that. “Wow, you really do know him well,” he chuckled.

Tao managed a smile too. “Kris is like that,” he murmured. “He thinks everything is his fault, even if there’s nothing horribly wrong with a situation. If something is even remotely off, he’s to blame.”

Suho gave Tao a sheepish look. “Well, I guess we’ll just have to prove him wrong.”

“How?”

Suho took Tao’s hand. “By learning to love each other as well.”

Tao’s eyes widened. “Oh,” he gasped. Then he quickly cleared his throat. “That…shouldn’t be too hard. You’re pretty lovable, and we did spend a lot of time together when we were younger.”

Suho grinned at the memories of Tao hanging off his arm and crawling into his bed, asking for a story. “Yeah,” he said, “I think we can make this work.”

* * *

Kris felt like crap. No, he felt worse than that. He was hurting the two people he loved most in the world, the two people who loved him most, and he was powerless to stop it. Funny, he’d finally gotten what he wanted and now he was running from it. They had been hiding out in the mall for two weeks, and Kris had been dying while he tried to act normal around his friends. At least he got some peace at night—they’d found an entire room full of mattresses, and it was big enough where they could spread out and have some space. Kai and Chen were even enterprising enough to drag one into an abandoned store, though Kris could guess that their reasons for that weren’t so innocent.

They were all having dinner together, eating a few wild birds Lay had caught and Xiumin had cooked, along with some bags of chips and canned drinks. Kris looked across the table to where Suho and Tao were sitting. Actually, they looked quite cozy. Were they…looking at each other like…? Then Kris blinked and the moment passed. He shook himself, he was starting to get delusional from this.

He missed the wink Suho threw in Tao’s direction.

After dinner, Tao ran around the table and threw himself in Kris’ lap. “Ge, can you walk with me?” He asked, “We haven’t hung out in a long time…”

Kris found it in him to smile. “Of course we can,” he said lightly, ruffling Tao’s hair.

They got up and started walking, after a moment Kris heard footsteps behind them and turned to see Suho running after them.

“Wait up!” He called.

Kris froze and Tao tugged on his arm. “It’s just Suho,” he teased. “Don’t be so scared.”

Kris forced a smile. “Who’s scared?”

“You are,” Suho panted, finally having caught up. He stopped, hands on his knees, and tried to catch his breath.

Tao scoffed. “Look at how winded you are, and you think you can keep up with both of us at the same time?”

“Hey!” Suho protested, “I am only _winded_ because you two have much longer legs than me.”

Tao laughed, and Kris looked frantically between the two of them. He knew that the pair of them got on well, but well enough to tease like this? What was going on?

“Hey,” Suho said again, this time soothingly. He placed his hand on Kris’ shoulder. “Really, don’t look so worried.”

“How could I be anything but?” Kris asked, surprised at how even his voice was. “You two are acting like you’re hiding something from me. Are you?”

Suho smiled gently. “Nothing you won’t like. Tao is in love with you.”

Kris looks at Tao wide eyed. “You are? But…”

“Suho was worried about you—” Tao started.

“And I’m sorry I said something without telling you—” Suho continued desperately.

“We’re both worried,”

“We had to do something,”

“It was the only way he could—”

“Whoa,” Kris interrupted, holding up his hands. He looked back and forth between them. “Are you saying you’re both in love with me?”

The pair of them nodded.

Kris gaped at them. “And you’re…okay with that?”

They nodded once more.

“Why?” Kris demanded. “Aren’t you furious with each other?”

“How could we be?” Suho gasped. “We love each other, we could never hurt any one of our group that way.”

Kris narrowed his eyes. “And are you mad at me?”

“Why would we be?” Tao asked. “You didn’t do anything wrong…”

Kris looked at Suho. “I kissed you, I said that I wanted and needed you, and then I told you that it could never work out because I was in love with Tao as well.”

He turned to Tao. “And I didn’t say a word to you even though I knew how sad you were.”

Tao’s eyes widened and he shook his head. “I don’t blame you for that,” he said tearfully. “I can’t even—we can’t even imagine how difficult this must be for you, and we don’t blame you at all for being scared and confused.”

Kris felt his eyes feel with tears. “So…you really don’t hate me? Either of you?”

Suho threw his arms around Kris’ shoulders. “Of course we don’t,” He said, his voice muffled by Kris’ shoulder. “We love you.”

Kris sighed shakily and hugged Suho tightly, looking over at Tao as he did so. Tao stepped closer and joined the hug.

“If it’s alright with you,” Tao said, “We’re willing to work out a relationship between the three of us.”

Kris pulled back and stared at them incredulously. “Of course it’s alright with me, is it alright with _you?”_

Suho and Tao grinned at each other. “I think we’ll all be fantastic for each other,” Suho said happily. Tao responded by kissing Suho on the cheek, and then doing the same to Kris, who looked a bit stunned.

“Okay then,” Kris managed. “I just…wow. By the Tree,” he laughed. “This is going to be interesting.”


	32. Crossroads of Hope Part I

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kyungsoo-centric  
> This takes place shortly before chapter 28. That means OT3 hasn’t happened, but HunHan are married and Baekyeol are openly together.

If there was one thing Kyungsoo prided himself on, it was not being a whiny kid. Compared to the rest of his brothers, he was an absolute angel. Okay, every now and then he’d do something he wasn’t supposed to, like sneak out of the Sanctuary, but really he was very good. For instance, upon his arrival to the Sanctuary, he had barely stepped inside the door when he was accosted by Kai.

“What’s your affinity?” Kai asked, getting too close to Kyungsoo’s face for comfort.

“Earth…” Kyungsoo squeaked, stepping back.

Kai stepped closer again and looked Kyungsoo up and down. “Really? You sure?”

“Yes…” Kyungsoo said uncertainly.

Kai narrowed his eyes. “Well, there is nothing rock like about you.” And then took Kyungsoo’s face between his hands. “You’re squishy,” Kai muttered, and proceeded to spend the next several minutes poking and squishing Kyungsoo’s cheeks, until Suho finally chased him off with the order to keep his hands to himself.

Kyungsoo would spend the next several years being periodically accosted by Kai, and later by Chanyeol too, and would allow them to spend several minutes cooing over how adorable and soft he was. Kyungsoo would usually pout up at them as best he could and mumble that he wasn’t cute, which of course only made him cuter in their eyes.

“Can I keep you in pocket?” Chanyeol asked him once.

“Nooo…” Kyungsoo whined, squirming away. “I won’t fit!”

Chanyeol shrieked and threw his arms around Kyungsoo’s shoulders, hugging so tightly his feet left the ground. “You’re so precious!”

Kyungsoo always let them fuss over him and never said a peep against it, mostly because he knew it was futile. In truth, he was the least assuming Earth-gifted Guardian in history. All the previous ones looked…well like Kai, really. Even as a child he’d been firmer in appearance than Kyungsoo had, and for a while even the Matrons were convinced that they had the wrong child. Only when they saw Kyungsoo roll a boulder across the yard did they finally realize he was the one.

The Earth affinity was tricky—Kyungsoo could move it as long as he had some contact with it. He could throw a rock pretty far, but once the rock left his hand he couldn’t control where it landed. He could lift large rocks as though they weighed nothing, but he couldn’t lift them higher than his fingertips could reach. No matter how hard he tried, the earth just would not go. When their ship was being pelted by asteroids, Kyungsoo was powerless to stop it. Kyungsoo was powerless to stop a lot of things after that—he couldn’t keep his friends together, he couldn’t hold onto his memories, some mornings he woke up and didn’t remember how to use his gift. That was the scariest part, and he decided that he never wanted to feel like that again.

Kyungsoo tried to work out, but no matter how many sit ups or pushups he did, he never seemed to gain the muscle that Kai and Tao had. He still felt too soft, too weak to be gifted with Earth. He confessed it to Suho one night, and his leader pulled him off to the side.

“You are one of the strongest shifters I know,” Suho said, “You know where your power is?” He tapped Kyungsoo’s temple. “It’s your mental strength. You have always been calm and collected, even now I’ve only seen you lose control once this entire time. You have incredible power Kyungsoo, it just doesn’t show on your body. But you know what? That’s okay. Anyone who knows you recognizes your strength, and we all admire you for it.”

Kyungsoo smiled then and allowed Suho to hold him for a few more minutes. It was one of the last times he allowed himself to doubt his ability. The streak had to be broken eventually though.

It had been seven years since their reunion—seven years of aimless wandering, almost every day. Every now and then they’d come to one place and settle down for a while, couples going off and pretending to be domestic and all that jazz. Kyungsoo would usually flop down on the first soft thing he could find and fall asleep. Most of the time he would work on re-learning his gift. For instance, he found out that if he concentrated hard enough, he could turn solid rock into sand. He spent many hours watching rocks shake apart under his fingers, and then he’d construct the sand into small castles and landscapes, once he even recreated the Tree of Life and its former garden in sand. Then he would cause the particles to fuse together. He thought of them like monuments, little markers that said ‘ _Kyungsoo was here. And he was bored._ ’

Bored and tired, more than he’d ever been in his life. Kyungsoo had thought hikes up a mountain were hard work, but he swore he’d rather go back home and hike that mountain a thousand times than take another step on this planet.

It was all the same, the occasional nice neighborhood, untouched by dirt and grime, a gem among filth. This planet was dead, Kyungsoo hardly saw the point in bringing it back. There was dust and garbage everywhere, and as someone gifted with Earth he knew more than anyone that the ground was lifeless. Perhaps Lay was the only one who could know better than him, but then again Lay could bring all that back. Kyungsoo would watch Lay touch plants and grin as they bloomed under his fingertips, and Kyungsoo would sift the dry Earth through his own fingers and know that the plant would be dead again in a few days.

It was depressing to think about, and perhaps that was one of the things that contributed to his attitude. It seemed like with each passing day, Kyungsoo grew more and more weary, like the dead ground was literally dragging him down, latching onto his ankles and trying to hold him in place. It was getting to be too much.

“Can’t we drive?” Kyungsoo panted as they stopped for lunch one day. He was lying face down on the ground, curling his hands in the dry dirt and making it form into a tiny car. Then Daisy came along and stepped on it before he could make it harden.

“Most of these cars don’t have enough gasoline to run,” Kris said patiently, flipping Kyungsoo onto his back and holding a water bottle over his face. “Drink, you need water.”

‘ _I need living soil_ ,’ Kyungsoo thought, but he obediently sat up and drank. “What is gasoline?” he asked when he finished.

Kris pulled one of his many books out of his personal bag and rifled through it. “It’s petroleum, a naturally occurring element, which is harvested from the earth and mixed with additives. You know those stations we pass, with the pumps outside the little stores? Those are gasoline stations. The stuff itself is stored underground, apparently.”

Kyungsoo nodded. “Can’t we get more, then?”

Kris shrugged. “I don’t think so, it seems like all of it was used up. All that was premade anyway, and I don’t know how to get more.”

Kyungsoo sighed. It would figure that would happen.

They plodded on, Kyungsoo hanging back with the dogs. They seemed to be the only ones who were concerned about him—although Daisy might just have been ecstatically following Keen around. Keen would walk next to Kyungsoo and whine occasionally, nudging Kyungsoo’s leg with his nose in a ‘Keep going,’ kind of way. But there was only so far Kyungsoo could go.

They came to one of the gasoline stations, and Kyungsoo was too tired to even call his friends to a stop. He just staggered over to one of the pumps and fell to his knees, pulled up the cracked concrete and dugs his fingers into the sand below.

“Come on,” he mumbled, closing his eyes. “Be here, let there be _something_ here…”

He forced his senses out, tunneling deep into the ground. He heard a shout in the distance and it broke his concentration.

“What are you doing?” Chen panted, seemingly having run back for him. “Everyone’s waiting for you.”

Kyungsoo shook his head. “I am not walking anymore.”

“What are you talking about? You have to walk!”

“No,” Kyungsoo said firmly. “We will drive. just as soon as I find gasoline…” and he turned back to the ground.

He figured Chen must have told the others about his plan, because soon he felt footsteps approaching. He knew right away that it was Suho and braced himself for the inevitable Talk.

“Kyungsoo, come on. There’s nothing here, let’s just go.”

“Shush!” Kyungsoo hissed, “I’m looking…” and he squeezed his eyes shut, digging deeper, deeper…“THERE!”

“What? What is it?”

“There’s something down there!” Kyungsoo cried, leaping to his feet. “It’s liquid, I can feel it! I knew there was something here!” And he got back to his knees and started ripping the ground apart.

“What are you doing?” Kris yelled, running over and yanking Kyungsoo to his feet.

Kyungsoo gave him a startled look. “I’m trying to get us a ride!”

Kris shook his head. “That stuff is dangerous, you can’t just rip the ground up and scoop it out! That’s what the pumps are for!”

Kyungsoo could feel himself losing his patience. “Then pump the stuff into a car!”

“It won’t work,” Kris said firmly. “We’ve tried, remember?”

“Did we try every single place we came to?!” Kyungsoo yelled, and behind Kris he could see a few of his friends were startled by his outburst. “No, we haven’t tried here, so let’s try again!”

Kris looked like he was about to refuse, but he sighed. “Fine, I’ll go find a car.”

He took his group members and they walked off. Kyungsoo slumped back, a hand pressed to his head. He was exhausted from searching for the gasoline and tired from his almost-argument with Kris. He felt Suho’s hand on his shoulder again. “You alright?” He asked.

“No,” Kyungsoo said softly. Then louder, “I’m not alright. Nothing is alright. I can’t take it anymore…I’m so sick of this dead ground. It’s…it’s worse than the silence.” He leaned forward, head in his hands. “It’s really dead…all of it. There’s no insects, no roots growing, no water flowing in and out…it’s awful.”

Kyungsoo looked up, tears in his eyes. “I don’t know if you can understand but…back home everything was so alive, and it was like I was part of it. I could feel everything happening, it was like my gift was being able to talk to the earth and now…I don’t have that anymore.”

Suho cupped Kyungsoo’s face in his hands. “Easy,” he said softly. “Don’t get worked up, I’m afraid you’ll hurt yourself…”

Kyungsoo closed his eyes and felt a few tears slip down his cheeks. “It hurts. It hurts to feel nothing…does that even make sense?!”

Suho hugged him gently. “It does,” he assured softly. “It’s okay, I get it. You feel like your gift has been corrupted.” Suho pulled back and wiped the tears from Kyungsoo’s face. “It’s like when I come across polluted water, so yes I do understand how you feel. If you want to try to find gasoline, go ahead. But please don’t hurt yourself in the process.”

Kyungsoo murmured that he wouldn’t. Shortly after Kris and the others arrived, pushing a car. They hooked it up to what Kris called the pump, but when Kris tried to work it nothing happened.

“Wait,” Kyungsoo cried as Kris went to disconnect the pump, “Maybe I can force the gasoline up.”

Kris bit his lip. “I’m not sure if that’s a good idea…”

Kyungsoo grabbed onto his arm. “Please, please, please let me try,” he begged.

Kris looked startled but nodded. “Sure, do what you want…”

Kyungsoo laid flat on the ground, face and hands pressed to the earth. “Come on,” he mumbled, closing his eyes. “Work with me.”

He found the gasoline quickly, it wasn’t hard since he knew approximately how deep he had to extend his senses. Kyungsoo had never tried to do move something with this kind of indirect contact before, he wondered if it was even possible. He concentrated, pressing his forehead against the dirt and digging his fingers in as deep as they could go. He tried to imagine the liquid bubbling up, pushing towards the surface and…he felt it move.

“Yes!” Kyungsoo screamed, sitting upright. “I got it! I can do this!” He pulled his knees under him, kneeling and keeping his hands under the dirt, but his new position gave him more leverage with which to press down. He sunk up to his elbows in dirt and concentrated once more, but for a while all he seemed to be able to do was make the liquid slosh around. “Come on,” Kyungsoo almost sobbed. “Please, please let this work…” He tried for almost an hour, and then Suho tapped his arm.

“Kyungsoo-yah, it’s time to stop. You’re exhausted, you’ll wear yourself out.”

“Few more minutes,” Kyungsoo panted. “I’ve almost got it…”

“That’s what you said half an hour ago,” Kris said, “We can try again at the next one, but you need to rest.”

Kyungsoo resisted the urge to scream. “No, I can do this!” He cried. “It’s my gift, you don’t get to tell me what I can and cannot do with it!”

But another half hour passed, and Kyungsoo was nowhere closer to making the gasoline go up through the pump. He was tired and worn out, but most of all he was frustrated. “Why isn’t it working?” He growled through clenched teeth. “What am I doing wrong?!” He could feel his energy being sapped, the longer he worked the less he felt like he was getting somewhere, and it was frightening.

“No,” he gasped, tearing up. “This isn’t how it’s supposed to go… _why isn’t it working_?”

Suddenly he felt hands on his shoulders and he was pulled back, his hands leaving the dirt. He looked up furiously to see Suho and Kris standing over him.

“Why’d you do that?!” He screamed. “I was so close!”

“No, you weren’t,” Kris said harshly, and Kyungsoo recoiled in shock. Kris knelt down next to him. “You were pushing too hard, you were going to hurt yourself. Maybe you’ve forgotten but part of being a Guardian is being able to acknowledge that there are things you just can’t do, at least not immediately.”

Kris was always the authoritarian, he was gentle but he was also the one who was more likely to correct them when it came to their gifts. But Kyungsoo wasn’t a child anymore, and Kris didn’t always get to tell him what was best.

“You don’t know that,” Kyungsoo snarled. “I would rather spend a hundred days trying to make this work than take one more step on this awful planet! I hate it here! Maybe this okay for you but it’s not for me! I’m losing part of myself every single time my foot touches the ground and I feel _nothing_! It’s like not being able to feel my heartbeat, it’s like I’m dead too!”

Kyungsoo heard sharp gasps but he refused to look away from Suho and Kris, or he did until he heard Lay come up behind him.

“But some things are still alive,” he said, “I can bring things back…”

Kyungsoo felt the tears come again. “The damage goes far deeper than what you can fix. The soil is dirty, the rain is poisoned…” he sniffed and wiped a tear away. “You can’t even imagine how ruined this place is. Everything you see on the outside is twice as bad as what’s inside.”

“And you can feel it?” Kai asked. “And you didn’t say anything?”

Kyungsoo finally turned around. “What would you have me say? That I don’t think this place can ever be repaired? That we might as well just call it quits because we’ll never go home, and we’ll never belong here? That the Tree lied to us?” There was a collective horrified gasp and Kyungsoo rolled his eyes. “Like none of you have ever thought it before.”

It was Tao who spoke first. “Maybe Kyungsoo is right.”

Sehun was next. “You…none of you saw the evacuation. These people were desperate…I don’t think they had any hope left.”

“There’s always hope!” Suho insisted.

But Kyungsoo stared him down. “No, not this time.”


	33. Crossroads of Hope Part II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kyungsoo/OT12 centric

They slept at the gasoline station that night, or a few of them slept. Kyungsoo knew for a fact that Kris and Suho were awake trying to figure out how to keep their family together. Kyungsoo thought they were wasting their time. After all that time they spent separated there was no way they’d all split up now, not physically anyway. Emotionally, it was another matter—they seemed to be rent apart in their attitudes. Kyungsoo was surrounded by Sehun, Tao, Baekhyun, Kai and Chen, all of whom seemed to have been convinced that Kyungsoo was right and there was no hope for this planet. Kris, Suho, Lay, Chanyeol, Xiumin and Lu Han were all convinced that there was something to fight for.

They were sleeping several feet apart, and Kyungsoo knew that every now and then Sehun would pick his head up and flash Lu Han a pitiful look, and Baekhyun was resolutely avoiding Chanyeol’s gaze. How ironic it seemed that two of their oldest couples had been torn apart by this announcement. Kyungsoo idly wondered if this would affect Sehun and Lu Han’s marriage.

“If you want to go sleep next to your husband then feel free,” Kyungsoo told Sehun, who jumped and blushed.

“No, I…I don’t think I can,” he murmured.

Baekhyun snorted. “Have you slept without him since you got married?”

“It’s only been two years since then,” Sehun retorted. “And what about you and Chanyeol? You’re just as bad.”

Baekhyun rolled his eyes. “Please, we’re not attached at the hip like you two are.”

Tao looked like he was on the verge of saying something nasty, but instead he rolled over on his side. “Shut up, guys,” he muttered. “Go to sleep.”

Kyungsoo rolled onto his back, looking up at the stars. This couldn’t have been a true divide. He felt that every one of them must have doubted the Tree’s words at some point. How likely was it for an entire planet to be healed in a few years? Even if the Tree had created a whole world before, it couldn’t possibly cheat this much. The idea was almost laughable, and the longer Kyungsoo thought about it the less true it seemed. He knew firsthand how wrecked the world was, it seemed impossible to heal.

Kai sighed. “I wonder what would have happened to us if we hadn’t gone hiking that day…”

Kyungsoo heard the conversation on the other side of the group stutter to a halt and he could feel them all listening.

“I wonder too,” Tao said, still turned away from them all.

“You can’t still blame yourselves for—” Kris started.

“No,” Kai interrupted. “Not really, it’s just…all of us. If we had just turned around, if we’d never gone that far up the mountain…never found that thing…that was why we went to see the Tree in the first place.”

Chanyeol answered, “If we hadn’t gone, then we’d be brainwashed by now. The Darkness would have taken over our minds like it did the older Guardians.”

“Would that have been so bad?” Chen asked.

Kyungsoo felt a collective recoil. “How could you say that?” Lu Han demanded. “Of course it would have been!”

“We would be home,” Chen pointed out. “We’d still be together. We’d have our memories.”

There was a long silence. “We wouldn’t be the same,” Xiumin said. “We wouldn’t go outside, we might not have talked to each other as much as we do now…”

“What does it matter?” Baekhyun asked, sitting up. “Look at us! Some Guardians we are. We ran away.”

“We had no choice,” Kris said. “That thing was too strong, we came here to raise new generations of Guardians, so we could go back and fight…”

“How do you propose we get back, oh fearless leader?” Baekhyun laughed. “Our ship is toast, in case you didn’t notice.”

“We’ll find a way,” Kris said confidently. “We’re Guardians, we always find a way.”

Sehun sighed. “I don’t know about you hyung, but I don’t feel like a Guardian.”

There was another silence.

“We did our job,” Suho said. “We protected the Tree. If we had stayed, we’d be Mama’s puppets right now. We would have abandoned the Tree until it withered and died, and Darkness would have taken over completely.”

“It’s already done that by now,” Kyungsoo said flatly. “We failed the planet and the people. They were part of our job too.”

“But as long as the Tree is alive there’s hope!” Lay cried. “We can go back some day, we can fight the Darkness and save our planet!”

“And it will be too late for the generations of people who lived and died under that thing!” Kai shouted.

There was another silence. “I don’t feel like a Guardian either,” Tao admitted, and he sounded like he was crying. “We did run…we failed. We’re the first generation to fail…” and he broke off sobbing.

Kyungsoo knew it was killing Kris to listen to Tao break down.

“Tao…” Kris called, sounding broken. “Sweetie, don’t cry…we didn’t fail.”

“Yes we did!” Tao sobbed. “Guardians aren’t supposed to run. We’re supposed to be heroes.”

“Whose fault is it, though?” Lay demanded. “We inherited a mess. We’re the ninth Generation of Guardians, the Darkness has been around since the first one. Even if they thought it was sealed away, shouldn’t someone have checked? We can’t be responsible for everything, we’re not alone in the blame.”

“That’s just passing the buck,” Baekhyun said.

Suddenly Chanyeol stood up. “Why are you always like this?!” He hollered at Baekhyun. “You’re always so quick to see the bad in everything, it’s like you want to be miserable.”

Baekhyun whirled around and Kyungsoo could picture the fierce look on his face. “Just because you see the world as sunshine and rainbows doesn’t mean it’s always true,” he snarled. “When are you going to grow the fuck up, Chanyeol?”

Chanyeol looked like a kicked puppy and Baekhyun pointed at him. “There you go again! Why do you have to act like a kid? Can’t you—”

“Knock it off,” Xiumin snapped, “This isn’t the time for you two to be discussing your relationship problems.”

Chanyeol sat back down and curled up in his sleeping bag, flinching away when Suho tried to comfort him. Baekhyun turned away again and when Kyungsoo chanced a look, he could see how Baekhyun regretted his words. Still, Kyungsoo couldn’t help but agree with them. Sometimes Chanyeol could be a little too idealistic.

Maybe that was their biggest problem.

“Maybe we’re putting too much emphasis on hope,” Kyungsoo mused.

“How so?” Chen asked.

Kyungsoo thought about it for a second. “Maybe…maybe we need to do something.”

“Like…?” Kai asked.

“Talk to the Tree?” Kyungsoo suggested.

Baekhyun gave him and incredulous look. “What’s that supposed to accomplish?”

Kyungsoo reached into the dirt, letting it sift through his fingers. “We should ask it explain itself. Tell us what it’s doing, show us what it’s doing. Let’s see if it can give a reasonable explanation.”

There was a hesitation around the group. “It’s a three week walk back to the Tree,” Kris said slowly. The unspoken question was _Can we make it that far without fighting?_

Kyungsoo closed his eyes. He hadn’t meant to create a divide like this, and he certainly didn’t want to walk all the way back, but he felt like they had no other option.

“We’re all adults, we can handle it,” Kyungsoo said decisively. “Now let’s get some sleep.”

In the morning, Sehun and Lu Han were curled up in the middle of the two groups, sleeping with their hands clasped. Baekhyun and Chanyeol were still on opposite sides, but as the day progressed they walked together and had a whispered conversation. When the group stopped for the night, the two of them seemed to have reached an agreement.

It was a tense few days in the beginning. This was their first real fight since they’d all become friends. Sure there had been disagreements, but that was usually between two or three people, never had they taken sides so obviously before, or even disagreed on something this big. They were basically doubting the Tree of Life, or some of them were. It was awkward and for a while they tiptoed around the issue.

Kyungsoo examined everyone’s motives in his mind—Kai and Baekhyun he expected to be pessimistic, Tao and Sehun seemed to lean towards Kyungsoo’s stance only because his argument seemed stronger. Maybe they too were tired of this place the way he was. Chen…Chen probably just didn’t want to fight with Kai anymore. Lu Han, Chanyeol and Lay were always more optimistic, and Kris and Suho readily swallowed anything the Tree told them. Xiumin…Kyungsoo wasn’t sure what his deal was, to be honest.

After the first week, it seemed like everyone got tired of walking on eggshells around each other. They forewent awkward small-talk and tried to go back to the way things used to be, laughing and joking, pretending that the issue didn’t exist. Well, everyone except Kyungsoo. He couldn’t pretend that he wasn’t hurt and confused, he was tired of doing so. He didn’t want to drag his friends down though, so he mostly just kept to himself and stayed out of the way. He should have known it wouldn’t work for very long, though. Kris and Suho weren’t those kinds of leaders.

They followed him one day when he went for a walk, Kyungsoo could hear and feel them but he didn’t acknowledge them until Suho called out to him.

“Kyungsoo-yah…”

Kyungsoo stopped and waited for them to catch up. “What’s up?”

Suho looked close to tears. “What’s up? We miss you, that’s what’s up.”

“I’m right here,” Kyungsoo said. “I’m not gone.”

“But you’re not you,” Kris said, “We miss you, Soo-ah.”

Kyungsoo almost wished they’d stop calling him by his childhood nicknames, it was making him want to cry. “I miss me too,” he mumbled, feeling himself start to tear up.

Suho choked on a sob and drew Kyungsoo in for a hug. “Why didn’t you talk to me? You know I would have listened to you.”

Kyungsoo squeezed his eyes shut and leaned into his leader’s shoulder. Suho was the closest thing to an older brother he had, and Kyungsoo loved him dearly. That was why he so frequently had trouble talking to him.

“You had Kai and Sehun to deal with,” Kyungsoo sniffled. “I didn’t want to add to it.”

“But you’re hurting,” Suho said, “And I hate seeing you hurt.”

“You can’t make the earth live again,” Kyungsoo cried, looking up. “Why would I tell you about something you have no control over?”

Kris answered, “Because sometimes it helps just to have someone to lean on.” He too looked like he was getting very emotional. “We could have been there for you the way you needed us to be.” He gently carded his fingers through Kyungsoo’s hair. “We just want you back.”

Kyungsoo turned his face back into Suho’s shoulder. “I’m sorry, I just…I can’t. Not until I know that we’ll be okay here…that I’ll be okay here.”

Suho held Kyungsoo tighter, almost squeezing him. “It’s okay,” he whispered. “You don’t have to pretend to be happy but…please just promise that you’ll stop avoiding us. Even if you’re miserable, don’t feel like you need to stay away. We’re here for you, Soo-ah.”

Kyungsoo could feel something break inside of him and his knees gave out. He would have fallen if Kris hadn’t helped Suho grab him, and then he was crying harder than he ever had before. It was like every single bit of pain he’d felt in the last eight years had come rushing back all at once, and it was all he could do not to scream from it. He covered his mouth, trying to muffle sobs which seemed to wrench out from his gut, pitching him forward and leaving his throat raw and aching. It was terrifying, he had no idea what was wrong with him, only that he wanted it to _stop_.

“It’s okay, Kyungsoo, shh…it’s okay baby. You’re going to be alright.”

“We’re here, we’ve got you. Come on, sit up…there you go.”

Kyungsoo could hear Kris and Suho talking to him, whispering to him the way they had in the past to the younger kids when they had nightmares. Was this a nightmare? Kyungsoo didn’t know anymore. It felt like one.

“Am I dreaming?”

“No, you’re not dreaming. You’re finally getting all that pent-up emotion out.”

Kyungsoo reached out and Kris and Suho each grabbed one of his hands. He couldn’t see through his tears, but he knew them well enough to know which hand belong to who. “I don’t like this,” he gasped between sobs. “Make it stop.”

He felt Suho’s other hand on the back of his neck, pulling sideways until he was slumped against Suho’s chest. “It’ll stop soon,” Suho promised. “We’ll take care of you until it does.”

Kris’ hand rubbed his back soothingly. “You’re already calming down, see?”

And it was getting easier to breathe, the tears were less like a river and more like a weak trickle, and Kyungsoo felt awful physically but mentally…

“You alright?” Suho asked after a few minutes.

Kyungsoo nodded slowly. “Just…tired.”

Kris chuckled. “No kidding.” And he gathered Kyungsoo in his arms and lifted him, carrying him back to their designated house. Suho and Kris tucked him into bed and laid down on either side of him, and even though he was dead tired Kyungsoo managed to say one last thing.

“I won’t shut you out anymore, I promise.”

* * *

They made it to the Tree two days later. Kyungsoo was dragging his feet by that point, but Kris and Suho stuck to his side the whole time, urging him on. Everyone took a position around the Tree, but Kyungsoo was so tired that he couldn’t even meditate, he just fell asleep. The Tree found him anyway, and Kyungsoo didn’t even need to say anything for it to know what was wrong.

‘ _Would you like to see?’_ The Tree asked.

It was so strange to be bodiless, Kyungsoo thought. He knew he was real, that he had form and shape, but here he couldn’t nod or shake his head—he didn’t have one.

“See what?” Kyungsoo asked.

‘ _What it is I am doing to this world,_ ’ the Tree explained. ‘ _It is healing, slowly but it is. I can show you, if you like._ ’

“Please do,” Kris said quickly. “We’d all like to see.”

It was always an experience, seeing something through the Tree’s…perspective, (since it didn’t have eyes). Kyungsoo had only done it once before and it had amazed him, and this was no exception.

Kyungsoo felt like his body was flying across the planet, but he could still feel it lying on the ground in front of the Tree. He couldn’t really see anything, but he could feel miles and miles of dead earth. He was about to scream when suddenly he felt it—living ground. Kyungsoo latched onto it and he nearly cried when he felt growing grass, blooming trees and animals darting around through the soil. The Tree guided him to the past, when the land a dying patch of ground. Kyungsoo felt like he was the earth, and he could feel eons of decay and garbage seeping away, life coming back little by little. It was like nothing Kyungsoo had ever felt before, and it confused and thrilled him all at once. Kyungsoo knew each of his brothers felt the same way.

He felt the Tree reach out to him and allowed it to latch on, combing through his memories of pain.

‘ _My precious Earth child, you and I really aren’t so different. You feel the same pain I do._ ’

Kyungsoo allowed the Tree to immerse him in the feeling of healing and care. “I don’t want to feel it anymore,” he whispered. “It hurts too much.”

The Tree hesitated. ‘ _I can help you block the pain out, but to do so would mean that I would have to block your gift._ ’

Kyungsoo recoiled at once. “Block my gift?”

‘ _Not forever,_ ’ The Tree said quickly. ‘ _I have done it before when Guardians were in times of great emotional stress. When it gets easier for you, when more of the earth is healed, I can take the block away._ ’

Kyungsoo shivered, suddenly very uncertain. “Who am I without my gift?”

“You’re still Kyungsoo.”

Kyungsoo actually yelped in surprise when he heard Kai’s voice. The other guardians were together once more, each of them a little shaken and emotional from what the Tree had shown them.

“Sorry,” Kai said sheepishly. “But really, you won’t be any less of a Guardian, or any less of yourself. In fact you’ll feel better, right? So maybe you’ll be more like your old self.”

“We’ll love you no matter what,” Suho added. “The choice is yours.”

Kyungsoo honestly knew there was no choice—he didn’t want to be chained to the Tree’s side forever, and if he stayed it would distract the Tree from healing the earth. And he really didn’t want to be apart from his brothers for that long…

“Okay,” Kyungsoo said softly. “Go ahead.”

‘ _It’s done._ ’

Kyungsoo gasped in surprise. “That was fast.”

‘ _Yes, and now it is time for you to be on your way. You’ve suffered long enough, and you need to go back to enjoying life and the world._ ’

That was abrupt, Kyungsoo thought to himself. Then he felt himself being dumped back into his body, and he braced himself for the feeling of dead earth, but there was none. There was absolutely nothing, and for a second it was even more frightening.

“Kyungsoo?” Suho called. “Are you alright?”

“I need a minute,” he gasped, keeping his eyes shut and trying to feel for something, anything at all. It was too empty now, the feeling of death was better than this. But Kyungsoo remembered that this was how it felt before he reached Maturity, before he felt the ground breathe with every step he took. It took a minute, but Kyungsoo finally calmed down and opened his eyes. His head was resting on Suho’s thigh, and Suho was petting his hair.

“Hey there kid,” Suho said softly. “Are you better now?”

Kyungsoo smiled in response and Suho looked like he was about to cry. “There’s my boy, I’ve missed you.”

“I missed me too,” Kyungsoo admitted.

Suho smiled down at him. “Want to get up and go?”

Kyungsoo shut his eyes again and relaxed into Suho’s hold. “I’m pretty tired actually…can we stay here for a few minutes?”

He heard Lay laugh. “Only a few, buddy?”

“Only a few,” Kyungsoo mumbled, already falling asleep. “I’ll be ready…soon…”

He woke up hours later surrounded by his friends, all of whom were fast asleep. Sehun and Lu Han were so intertwined that Kyungsoo couldn’t tell where one of them began and the other one ended. Chanyeol and Baekhyun were holding hands in their sleep. Chen’s head was tucked under Kai’s chin and Kai had a protective arm around his waist. Tao was lying between Xiumin and Kris, Suho was lying on Kyungsoo’s right and Lay was on his left. Lay was awake, looking up at Kyungsoo with sleepy eyes.

“Did you get your hope back?” Lay mumbled.

Kyungsoo bit back a laugh. “Yeah, I did.”

“Good,” Lay said, closing his eyes again. “Now go back to sleep. We’ve got a lot of walking to do tomorrow.”


	34. For the Longest Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Baekhyun/BaekYeol-centric  
> Continuity: After Chapter 6  
> Warning: Sexual content

  
Baekhyun thought he and Chanyeol made a really good couple. They didn’t have a whole lot of disagreements, when they fought it was usually small stuff that was resolved quickly. They did have a very fast relationship though, and sometimes Baekhyun had to wonder if they had moved a little too fast. It was only two weeks after their first kiss that Baekhyun pinned Chanyeol to their shared bed and kissed him until they gasped for air and all Baekhyun could think about was how badly he wanted Chanyeol…

“Are you sure about this?” Chanyeol had gasped when Baekhyun handed him something he’d gotten from Lu Han, lubricant or something like that.

“Absolutely,” Baekhyun assured, kissing Chanyeol briefly. “I’ve never been more sure about anything.”

Chanyeol had grinned and gleefully knocked Baekhyun down on the bed, nuzzling his neck. “You’re amazing,” he whispered, and Baekhyun’s stomach swooped.

It was messy, because Baekhyun said that Sehun told him they needed to use a lot of whatever was that tube. Then stuff had gotten all over Chanyeol’s fingers and the bed.

“Sorry,” Chanyeol said, looking down at the mess. Baekhyun snorted and kissed his frown away.

“Just put it to good use,” he laughed as he laid back and opened his legs a little wider. Chanyeol had blushed furiously, but the embarrassment faded a few seconds later when Baekhyun was panting underneath him, grinding down on Chanyeol’s fingers.

Baekhyun wasn’t expecting Chanyeol to be so warm, and the heat actually seemed to soothe the ache of the stretch. Baekhyun kept his eyes shut the entire time, trying to remember how to breathe when it felt like his body was being filled with liquid fire from the inside out.

“Holy shit,” Baekhyun gasped after, when Chanyeol was resting his head on Baekhyun’s chest, trying to catch his breath. “Can we do that again, like, really soon?”

Chanyeol had smiled against Baekhyun’s chest and tapped his fingers against Baekhyun’s hip in time with his heartbeat. “Sure we can.”

* * *

It was after the second time they had sex, but before the sixth, Baekhyun can never remember when exactly it was that he kept his eyes open. He’d never done that before, opened his eyes in the middle of sex. He immediately wished he hadn’t, because he started to cry.

“What’s wrong?” Chanyeol stammered, trying to pull out. Baekhyun scrambled to stop him, locking his thighs around Chanyeol’s hips.

“I’m fine,” he sobbed. “Just…please don’t stop.”

Chanyeol listened, because he always did whatever Baekhyun wanted, even when he didn’t understand why Baekhyun wanted it. Baekhyun did his best to calm down, to make sure that Chanyeol knew he wasn’t hurt, he was enjoying this, how hot Chanyeol was inside of him and how amazing he felt, but the tears wouldn’t stop even after they had finished.

“What’s the matter baby?” Chanyeol asked as he held Baekhyun in his lap, stroking his fingers down Baekhyun’s spine. “You can tell me, you know.”

“I know…” Baekhyun almost snapped. “I know…just…” He looked up and blinked back tears. “Chanyeol, do you love me?”

“Of course I do! You have to know that I—”

“You love a lot of people, Chanyeol,” Baekhyun cut in. “Almost everyone in fact. So how do I fit in? Because earlier…you looked at me like…like I meant something really special to you and I don’t…” he broke off sobbing, but Chanyeol seemed to understand.

In a way, they were perfectly matched. Chanyeol was fire, and Baekhyun was light. Hell there couldn’t be a more perfect pair! Both fire and light were bright, warm and good, but the problem was Baekhyun often thought he was the opposite of light. He wished he could take his affinity and inject it into his veins, until he could light up a room the way Chanyeol did. Maybe that was why he enjoyed making love to Chanyeol so much, maybe he hoped the warmth would somehow stay with him and teach him how to hug Suho back, or walk arm in arm with Chen, or act like he wasn’t totally heartless.

Chanyeol had always said it wasn’t his fault, he didn’t have a nurturing upbringing and he didn’t know how to express his feelings or allow others to care for him. He shied away from hugs the same way Kai did, the difference being that Kai eventually opened up and Baekhyun was still closed off to almost everyone.

“I’m not special,” Baekhyun whimpered. “I’m so cold and…I don’t know why you want me.”

“You hush,” Chanyeol scolded, choking back tears of his own. “You are very special. Do you know how much I admire you? You’re amazing Baekhyun, anyone who has been through what you’ve been through deserves to be admired. You refused to let your town use you as a bargaining chip, you even helped the Guardians rescue you! You basically rescued yourself even! You’re strong and smart and brave and you’re very caring, stop shaking your head, you know it’s true. Remember all those nights you sat with me in the Healer’s rooms? Or when Tao would have nightmares and crawl into bed with you, and you’d hug him until he stopped crying? Remember when Lay got lost and you found him?”

Baekhyun sniffled. “Any decent human being would have done that stuff.”

“But you did it with love,” Chanyeol reminded him. He glanced down and laid his hand on Baekhyun’s chest, just over his heart. “You’re so warm, Baekhyun,” he murmured, looking back up with a dazzling smile. “Do you know what I feel under my hand?”

“My heart?”

“Yeah,” Chanyeol breathed. “And it’s just like mine. It’s got a whole lot of love in there, and a whole lot of caring and bravery and room for even more of all that. And to answer your earlier question, I do love a lot of people, but not the same way I love you.” He leaned back and looked Baekhyun over. “I look at you and I think that I could never make a fire hot enough to compare to how warm you are to me. Not just temperature wise, but in terms of how you treat me. You make me feel like I can never do anything wrong, like you’ll always be here and no matter what I do or say, you’ll never think it’s odd. You said that I looked at you specially, but you look at me that way too. When I see you, I feel like I need a second heart just hold all the love I have for you.”

Baekhyun was crying again, and Chanyeol wiped the tears away and held Baekhyun against his chest, tucking Baekhyun’s head under his chin. “Look at how well we fit together,” he murmured. “How could we be anything but perfect for each other? We may have different personalities, but we’ve always been there for each other and we’ve never done anything that the other couldn’t laugh about or forgive.”

Baekhyun sniffled and tried to calm himself. “So, you really love me then?” He asked timidly. “You’ll never get tired of me or want…someone else?”

Chanyeol pulled back and kissed Baekhyun’s forehead. “I love you so much that I’ll need a thousand lifetimes to show you all of it.”

Baekhyun managed to turn a sob into a laugh, and he pulled Chanyeol down for a kiss. “I…I love you too Chanyeol, I really do love you.”

Chanyeol began to cry and he hugged Baekhyun again, burying his face in Baekhyun’s shoulder. “That’s all I ever want from you,” he whispered. “I just want you to love me, and I just want to love you back.”

“So, just like this then?” Baekhyun asked as he stroked his fingers through Chanyeol’s hair.

Chanyeol giggled as he knocked Baekhyun backwards onto the bed, kissing him soundly. “Yes,” he said against Baekhyun’s smiling lips. “Just like this.”   



	35. Chanyeol in Wonderland

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chanyeol centric  
> Continuity: Following Chapter 31 & 32 (OT3 has happened and Kyungsoo no longer has his gift).

The most amazing thing by far about this planet was that it had a writing system similar to that on their own world. Kris tried to explain that it really wasn’t all that hard to imagine, after all there’s a limited number of ways for writing to develop and contact between the two worlds had been established more than once. Chanyeol kind of tuned him out after that, choosing to believe it was an extraordinary coincidence instead. He thought it was the more interesting choice. However amazed he was, Chanyeol had never been very big on reading before and he certainly wasn’t all too inclined to start when he landed on a strange world. Suho once said it was silly, Chanyeol had such a wonderful imagination, books could be so much fun for him. Chanyeol had responded that the things he imagined were far better than anyone else’s ideas, why should he bother? That was before Chanyeol found Alice.

He picked up the book because the title caught his eye—he’d never seen the name Alice before, and Baekhyun was taking too long perusing the shelves of books in the abandoned store, so Chanyeol thought he’d at least try to distract himself. It wound up being the best decision he’d ever made. He walked out of that store with his eyes glued to the book, and he read it nonstop until he finally finished. It only took 3 hours, but that was because he read too fast. When he forced himself to read slowly, it took him another six.

Chanyeol was enthralled by the story of a girl who fell down a rabbit hole and found herself in one of the most exciting worlds he had ever heard of. He eagerly showed the book to Kris, who gave him a wary look.

“You know that’s fake, right? It’s fiction.”

“It could be real,” Chanyeol insisted, bouncing on his toes. “Somewhere in the universe there could be a world like this. I can throw fire from my hands and you think a place where talking animals exist is farfetched?”

It made perfect sense in Chanyeol’s head, even though few seemed to agree with him. Lay entertained the idea, but for the most part Lay entertained anything people said. A lot of things which made sense to Chanyeol didn’t make sense to others, and that was why Chanyeol found that he could sympathize with Alice. He wondered if anyone would believe her story when she got back to her old world, or would they think she made it up?

“She did make it up,” Baekhyun explained. “It was a dream.”

 _'It was real to her_ ,' Chanyeol thought, ' _And if it’s real to someone, how made up can it be?'_

It wasn’t the first time Chanyeol had thought about other places, places where the impossible was real. He hadn’t imagined such a thing in a long time, but now taking tips from Alice, he found himself doing just that. He recreated the world he was stuck on inside his head, his own Wonderland.

Chanyeol started by making a list of all the things Alice’s Wonderland that he wanted. Talking flowers were a start, followed by the talking animals. He decided that he could do without all the foods that made people grow and shrink, though. He also decided to have a place that would always serve tea no matter what time of day it was, but it would be nice tea that was sweet and could be hot or cold, and tea that made people feel better wouldn’t taste awful.

Then Chanyeol moved on to the really hard part—deciding what to imagine for himself. For that Chanyeol found himself a blank notebook and started to write things down. He decided that the trees would be all different colors all the time. Not just green but blue, red, orange, pink, purple; all shades and all variations. Then he decided that the ground would vary in color too, just like the trees, and in some places the ground would be springy so he would be able to bounce across it, in other places the ground would laugh when he walked on it. It would never be too hot or too cold, and the stars would come out whenever he asked them to. Candy would grow on trees and it wouldn’t get sticky or dirty, so he could always eat it whenever he wanted to. The water would always be clean, the rain would never fall on him and dirt would never get in his eyes.

More and more, Chanyeol found himself imagining his Wonderland. He would stare at trees as he walked by and think really hard until he could convince himself that they were bright blue and neon pink. He started talking to Daisy and Keen, imagining that they were talking back. Sometimes Baekhyun would walk up to him and ask why the hell he was bouncing around like he had springs on his feet. He reread Alice in Wonderland so many times that he lost count, but he could recite the book word by word if he wanted to. Chanyeol even had dreams about meeting Alice and having tea with her.

Eventually, Wonderland became an escape for him. When he looked around at the faces of his brothers, he realized that they were miserable. Kyungsoo wanted his gift back and often sat by himself with his hands buried in the ground. Kai was still struggling to overcome his abandonment and suffered from bouts of fury and sadness that even Chen couldn’t pull him out of. Chen was afraid to close his eyes at night, Tao jumped upon seeing shadows and hesitated to use his gift, Sehun wanted to be everything for Lu Han but couldn’t. And that was only the beginning. Chanyeol didn’t know how to deal with hurt, ever since he was young he’d never been anything but happy. Perhaps that was why he and Baekhyun fought so much, because sometimes Chanyeol just didn’t understand why Baekhyun was so upset and let things linger with him when he clearly wanted to let them go.

One night Baekhyun turned to Chanyeol and gave him a hard stare. “It’s only been three months since you found that book but I’m starting to think you love it more than you love me, and I’ve known you for decades.” And then he walked off to sit with Xiumin.

Slowly Chanyeol began to realize that he’d been selfish. Rather than use Wonderland as an escape, he ought to have included his friends in it. He started to rework his Wonderland, making rules for it. Well, not rules as in laws for people, but rather laws for the universe at large. It took about a week, but finally Chanyeol got it ready, and when he did he waited until everyone was gathered together around a fire, chatting quietly, and then he showed his notebook to Baekhyun.

“What’s this?” Baekhyun asked as he took it.

Chanyeol flipped the book open to the most recent thing he’d written. “Read it.”

“Out loud?” Baekhyun asked, getting the attention of Kyungsoo, who was sitting next to him.

“Sure,” Chanyeol said happily, draping his arm around Baekhyun’s shoulder.

Baekhyun began to read, and one by one everyone went quiet and listened.

_Twelve boys and their two dogs found themselves tumbling down a rabbit hole one day and landing in Wonderland. It was a bright place filled with brightly colored trees and grass, and candy that grew on bushes. To their amazement, the group discovered that their dogs could now talk! But while all that was great, it wasn’t what made the place so special. What really made it a Wonderland was how much it helped them. On this world, things happened a little differently._

_Nobody ever lost their memories. They remembered their loved ones no matter what and they never forgot the things that mattered most to them. Everyone could fall in love with whoever they wanted and not have to worry about hurting other people’s feelings because of it. There were no shadows for people to jump at. No one was ever abandoned or forgotten about, or left to grow up alone. No one could get hurt by the things that made them special. Gifts and talents were accepted by everyone, differences were welcomed. The earth was alive and wriggling, flowers and animals could talk to anyone who had the patience to listen and an interesting story to tell in return. Spiders and bugs stayed far away from shoes and beds, and they didn’t bite. Nobody made people do things they weren’t ready for. Confidence flowed in rivers and could be drunk when people were feeling a little unsure of themselves. Whenever anyone got hurt it wasn’t serious and could be healed easily._

_And no matter what, nobody forgot that they were loved, that they were surrounded by people who cared about what happened to them. They never had to face the world alone, before they were ready to. Happiness was as easy and close as a hug from a friend or a lover. There wasn’t a useless thing about a person, and everyone knew it. The twelve boys never had to feel scared, sad or unwanted ever again because they had each other, and that was all that mattered._

When Baekhyun finished he dropped the book and buried his face in Chanyeol’s shirt, crying hysterically. All around there were similar scenes. Suho was trying very hard to comfort Kai, Kyungsoo was weeping into his hands while Lay patted his shoulder. Sehun and Lu Han had their arms around each other’s shoulders, Tao and Chen were clinging to Kris, who was trying to discreetly find some tissues and Xiumin had given himself hiccups from trying not to sob. The dogs were the only ones who looked remotely confused, Daisy trying to lick everybody’s face and Keen obviously having decided that it wasn’t his problem anymore.

Baekhyun pulled back and kissed Chanyeol softly on the lips before dissolving in tears once again. “I love you,” he whispered as Chanyeol hugged him tightly.

“I love you too, and I always will,” Chanyeol promised. “I’m sorry I wasn’t paying attention to you recently, but I swear I never stopped loving you.”

Chen pushed himself away from Kris and walked over to Kai, taking his hands. “You know we love you, right?” He asked tearfully. “And you didn’t deserve all the bad stuff that happened to you, and you’ll never ever be alone again.”

“I know, I really do but…it’s so hard,” Kai sobbed, burying his head in Chen’s neck. “I don’t know what I’d do without you, any of you and that scares me…”

“We’ll always find you,” Kris said, “We’ll always find each other again, this just proves it. This is the second time we’ve all been separated and found each other again. It’s destiny, we’ll never be rid of each other.”

There was a bubble of laughter from around the group and Suho looked up at Kris as though the sun rose and set on him. “I love you so much,” he sighed, and then he turned to Tao. “And I love you too, Tao.”

Then the three of them were enveloped in such a close hug that Chanyeol couldn’t tell whose arm belonged to whom. Seeing that, Chanyeol decided that they should try it with all of them. “GROUP HUG!” He shouted, pulling Baekhyun up.

They wound up nearly crushed when their group hug over balanced and they all crumpled to the floor, but they were laughing and smiling so it didn’t matter. Sehun wound up landing on top of Lu Han and while the two of them hadn’t been much for PDA after their marriage, Sehun leaned down and kissed Lu Han right there in front of everyone.

“I love you so much,” Sehun breathed as Lu Han blushed (actually blushed—Chanyeol hadn’t seen him do that in years!). “I’m so glad I have you back, even if you don’t remember everything I’m just glad we’ll get to have new memories together.” And then Sehun kissed him again.

Kai threw a stick at them. “Get a room,” he laughed.

Chen gave him a serious look. “Don’t make fun of them, that’s going to be us someday you know.”

Kai jumped and stared at Chen. “Huh? What…did you…?”

Chen blinked at him. “Well you know…we’ll get married too one day.”

Kai gaped at him. “You…you really think so?” He asked, seeming to have forgotten everything outside of Chen. “You really want me?”

Chen gripped Kai’s hands tightly. “Have I not made that abundantly clear to you yet?” He asked. “Of course I think so, of course I want you! In fact…” He stood up, hauled Kai to his feet and then promptly got down on one knee. “Will you marry me, Jongin?”

Kris clapped his hand over Suho’s mouth just as he shrieked.

Kai started to cry again and he choked out a yes, falling to his knees and nearly knocking Chen on his back as he went in for a kiss.

Chanyeol turned to Baekhyun wide eyed, at once wondering if he should propose as well. Baekhyun glared at him.

“Don’t you dare, not unless you have a ring for me.”

Chanyeol laughed and rubbed the back of his neck. “Not on me, no.”

“Then get me a ring before you ask me to marry you,” Baekhyun said with a smile. “Besides, this is their moment.”

Chanyeol secretly disagreed, he thought this kind of happy moment was for all of them.


	36. Put a Ring on It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Baekyeol centric  
> Continuity: Right after the previous drabble

Chanyeol knew that when Baekhyun said he wanted a ring, he didn’t mean he really wanted anything tremendous. He wasn’t looking for the biggest diamond in the world, or the crown jewels of a lost Empire that had once ruled this world. The thing was, Chanyeol wanted to give him exactly that. Suho was floored when Chanyeol came up to him and said just that.

“I want to give Baekhyun the biggest diamond on this planet. The problem is I don’t know where to find it.”

Suho stared. “First of all, you do know that where we come from the practice of giving jewelry when one becomes engaged is nonexistent, right?”

“But we’re not on our world anymore!” Chanyeol exclaimed. “And it’s tradition here, and Sehun and Lu Han have rings and Chen and Kai are going to have rings, and Baekhyun wants a ring when I propose to him!”

“I’m sure he was kidding.”

“You don’t know Baekhyun,” Chanyeol said.

“Why do you want to give him such a big stone?” Kris asked, having overheard the whole thing. Chanyeol was very loud, and they were outside so his voice was carrying. That was why they were having this conversation while Baekhyun was off with Kai, Tao and Sehun.

“Don’t you remember?” Chanyeol asked. “He loved precious gems, he played with them all the time at the sanctuary. It lets him cast light in a thousand directions!”

“Oh yeah,” Kris and Suho chorused, and Chanyeol knew they were remembering how Baekhyun’s face would light up as he filtered light through the facets of a gem.

“And you remember how small those stones were, so imagine what he could do with a really big one!” Chanyeol cried excitedly, jumping up and down. “So I want to find him a really, really big gem!”

“But think logically!” Suho exclaimed. “Where would he put a huge thing like that?”

“In a bag,” Chanyeol answered as though it were obvious. “Or wear it.”

“He can’t wear it constantly,” Kris pointed out, “It would be too heavy.”

“I’ll get him two rings then,” Chanyeol said, “One to wear forever and one to play around with.”

Suho threw his hands up. “Why do I bother?” He asked Kris. “Why do I even open my mouth? I swear I’m just wasting my breath…”

“So does that mean you’ll help me?” Chanyeol asked the pair of them.

“Help you what?” Kris asked.

“Find the ring of course! What you think I can find this huge stone all by myself?!”

Suho closed his eyes. “No,” he said flatly, turning around and walking away. “Nope, nope, nope. I will not be a part of—” He walked into a tree and fell backwards.

Chanyeol turned to Kris. “So will you help?”

Kris looked between Suho, rolling around on the ground clutching his head, and Chanyeol who was giving him a hopeful look. “I’ll think about it,” he said finally.

* * *

Kris came up to Chanyeol the day after, pulling him aside to go look for firewood and bringing Xiumin and Kyungsoo along. Kris had discussed the issue of Baekhyun’s engagement ring with the pair of them, and they had come to weigh in on the subject.

“The thing is,” Kris said when they had gone a safe enough distance from camp, “We don’t know if we can cut a gem on our own, so raw gems are out. That means that for you to get a gem of the high quality you want, you’d have to steal it.”

Chanyeol stared at them. “Steal it from who?”

“A museum,” Kyungsoo said. “Or a very rich house.”

“Nobody lives here but us,” Chanyeol said, “How is it stealing?”

“Chanyeol,” Xiumin said patiently, “We’ve seen those gems in books, they are national treasures to the people who used to live here…”

“And if they left them behind, how important could they be?” Chanyeol argued. “It’s not like someone stealing my firestone you know,” he pointed out, touching the stone that hung around his neck. “I will always have this, it’s a personal treasure. Any gem that really mattered to these people got taken away on those ships. Look at all the engagement rings they left behind already, we technically stole those.”

Xiumin shook his head. “Not the same, they didn’t belong to anyone.”

“If it’s in a museum, it’s not personal property,” Kyungsoo said, “Right?”

“I thought you were playing devil’s advocate,” Kris said crossly.

“But Chanyeol has a point,” Kyungsoo shrugged.

Kris sighed and rolled his eyes. “Look Chanyeol, I’ll take you anywhere you want to go, I’ll help you find this gem, but in the end you’re the one who has to be okay with taking it.”

Chanyeol did feel a little guilty, because he knew his friends had a point. It kind of was stealing, but they had taken countless items from stores and homes already, what was one small theft from a museum at this point? “Baekhyun is worth it,” he said happily.

* * *

The first thing they had to do was track down a stone big enough to fit Chanyeol’s demands. They went into a lot of ring stores, having to do it secretly since Chanyeol wanted his proposal to be a total surprise. Kai and Chen were picking out their own rings, choosing to do it together and try to find ones that matched. Chanyeol would surreptitiously scour the cases of rings himself, and he never found a diamond, sapphire or any other stone big enough. The conclusion was that the only way to get what Chanyeol was looking for was to track down the Smithsonian collection of gems.

“Now what the crap is that?” Chanyeol asked when Kris brought it up.

Kris held up a very tattered travel guide of Asia, the one he’d been carrying around for ages. “It went on tour in China just before the first disease epidemic hit. Of course the guide doesn’t mention that, but it was published the year before the world started to end, so I assume it’s still there. From what you’ve described to me, these people weren’t exactly keen on preserving their historical artifacts. Trust me when you see it, you’ll be impressed.”

They were pretty darn close to where one of the known stops on the collection’s tour was, so under the guise of wanting to go to a museum in general, the group made their way east until they finally made it to the museum. It was eerie, walking into the place and seeing old statues and paintings, and hearing their every word echo around the room.

“Ugh,” Tao said, rubbing his arms. “This place is creepy.”

Chanyeol disagreed. “Wow look at that!” He hollered, running over to an old vase. “Look at the color, the shape! It’s incredible, it’s—”

Baekhyun came over and whacked him on the shoulder. “Keep your voice down,” he hissed. “There’s no need to shout in here, we’re two feet away from you.”

Chanyeol immediately fell silent, clasping his hands behind his back and skipping around, humming happily. He was (hopefully) going to find Baekhyun an engagement ring! How could he be anything but happy?

After about an hour, they came upon a dimly lit section of the museum with an old sign that Kris read as “Special exhibition.” They made their way in carefully so they didn’t trip, and everyone gasped.

“Wow,” Sehun blurted. “This is…”

Tao whistled, Kris dropped his book and Chanyeol knew his eyes were about to fall out of his head. He’d never seen so many huge gems before in his life.

Baekhyun immediately took off running. “This is so cool,” he squealed, running all around. “Look at how the light bounces off these stones! Oh wow, hang on I’m going to shed some light on this place…”

Baekhyun spent a good hour playing around with the gems, holding his hand up to the protective glass and shining light onto the stones, creating rainbows and flashy beams of light. it was perfect because he was not paying attention to Chanyeol at all.

“How about that one,” he whispered, gesturing towards a large diamond in the center.

Kris checked his book and then shook his head. “That’s the Hope Diamond, it’s supposed to be cursed. You don’t want to give your husband a cursed stone.”

Chanyeol gulped and nodded. He walked around, mentally crossing off most of the stones. The largest diamonds seemed to be set in tiaras or necklaces, things he wouldn’t give Baekhyun, but finally he literally stumbled on the perfect stone. He tripped over a rip in the carpet and nearly fell head-first into a display case, catching himself just in time but still winding up with his face pressed against the glass, and that was when he saw it.

“Hello, beautiful,” Chanyeol slurred, his face still stuck to the glass. He unstuck himself and gestured for Kris. “How about this one?”

Kris checked his book. “That’s the Chalk Emerald. It doesn’t seem to be cursed or anything, but I thought you wanted a diamond…?”

Chanyeol flapped his hands. “But look at it! It’s set in a ring, it’s huge, and it does have diamonds…I’ll never find another ring perfect enough for him!” He looked over his shoulder to make sure that Baekhyun was distracted, and then he reached for the glass, testing how thick it was. He realized he couldn’t break it with his hands, not even after all this time had passed. He huffed in frustration—he’d need to break the glass, but how was he to do that without getting Baekhyun’s attention?

Chanyeol grabbed Suho. “Distract him for me,” he muttered, and then he took off running, dashing through the museum like a man possessed until he made it back to a hallway he’d seen earlier. He snatched up an artifact and then ran back, smacking into Yixing along the way.

“Ouch!” They both cried, falling to the floor.

Chanyeol got up first. “Why were you following me?”

“To make sure you didn’t get lost,” Yixing said, holding his hand out for Chanyeol to help him up. Chanyeol accidentally held out the hand he had the artifact in and Yixing gasped.

“What the heck is that?!”

Chanyeol grinned and held it up. “It’s for breakin’ things!” And then he left Yixing on the floor as he continued back, laughing all the way.

Kris nearly had a heart attack when he saw what Chanyeol had brought back. “Are you completely insane?” He hissed, trying to grab the thing. “That is a millions of years old relic, it’s a dinosaur bone, you can’t use it to—”

Chanyeol was stronger than Kris though, and he retained hold of the bone. “It’s survived this long,” he fired back, “I think it can break some glass.”

“It doesn’t work like that!” Kris told him, and suddenly Tao rushed up.

“Guys, Baekhyun’s wondering where you are…”

Chanyeol straightened up. “Can you like, cover his ears while I break this thing open?”

Tao’s eyes widened. “Um…no.”

Chanyeol huffed again. “He’ll hear the glass shattering…I need a distraction.”

“Wait,” Kris said suddenly, “How did you get this? Didn’t an alarm go off?”

“No,” Yixing piped up as he made his reappearance, rubbing his butt and glaring at Chanyeol. “I think when we disabled the security at the front door, we disabled it around the whole building.”

“Well then,” Chanyeol said brightly, “No point in standing around…” He drew the bone back and Tao grabbed his arm.

“Let me do it,” he said quietly. “I’ll freeze time and then break the glass, Baekhyun won’t hear anything.”

Chanyeol’s face fell. “I want to do it…” he whined. “He’s my future husband!”

Tao patted his arm. “I’ll let you pick the ring up, how does that sound?”

Chanyeol considered it for a moment, then handed his glass breaking tool over.

He didn’t even see Tao take it, the next thing he knew the glass was broken and Tao was smiling at him. “It’s all yours.”

Chanyeol looked back at the display case and his breath caught in his throat. Now that he was seeing the ring without a barrier it looked even more beautiful. He reached in, careful of the jagged glass, and scooped it up. It was really heavy and he was glad he had the foresight to get Baekhyun a smaller ring.

“Alright,” Kris said nervously, “Let’s get going.”

They ran into the rest of the group as they left the hallway. Baekhyun gave Chanyeol a suspicious look.

“What took you so long?” He demanded.

Chanyeol grinned as he thought of the ring, wrapped up in his spare shirt and tucked away safely in his backpack. His grin widened as he looked his boyfriend over, taking in his adorably confused expression, thinking about how even though he wasn’t smiling at the moment, his smile could change his whole face and light up a room. Baekhyun didn’t know it but his smile was infectious and made his eyes shine brighter than any light he could make or fire Chanyeol could produce. Baekhyun thought he was cold and dark but Chanyeol knew better. Baekhyun was the brightest light of his life, and he always would be.

Baekhyun gasped as Chanyeol grabbed him by the shoulders and pulled him in, kissing him soundly for several long moments. When he pulled back Baekhyun’s face was flushed, his eyes were bright and they were both breathing heavily.

“Wow,” Baekhyun said, “I have no idea what I did to deserve that, but can it happen more often?”

Chanyeol laughed and hugged Baekhyun so tightly he lifted him off his feet. “Yes,” he chuckled, nuzzling Baekhyun’s neck. “We can do that any time we want to.”

* * *

A week after the trip to the museum Chanyeol hadn’t given Baekhyun the ring yet. He was suddenly shy, wondering if Baekhyun would like it, if he should have gone for a diamond. Chanyeol didn’t think it would matter, but he wanted to know that Baekhyun would love the ring that he was going to give him. He agonized every night over how best to present the ring to his soon-to-be husband and came up blank.

Then at the end of the week, Chen and Kai said they had something to show everyone. The group was staying in a large apartment, and they made the announcement right after breakfast while everyone was still gathered together.

“What’s up?” Suho asked, leaning forward.

They grinned at each other and held out their hands, and there was a collective gasp.

“They’re beautiful!” Lu Han cried, seizing Chen’s hand at once (seeing as Chen was closer to him). “Oh how adorable, they match!”

“In a strange, not matching at all kind of way,” Sehun laughed, grunting when Lu Han elbowed him.

They both had rings with three larger stones in the center and smaller ones dotting the band of the ring half-way around. For Kai’s ring the center stone was blue, as were the small stones on the band. The two other large stones were white. Chen’s ring was the reverse.

“Are those blue diamonds?” Kyungsoo asked. “Where’d you find those?”

“They were in the ring store in the center of the city,” Kai explained. “Pretty well hidden in the back of a drawer, we almost missed them.”

“You went to a ring store yesterday?” Chanyeol asked, trying to remember when the two of them left the apartment. It must have been when he was taking a nap, having not slept well lately.

“Yes,” Kai said. “And we took Baekhyun with us.”

Baekhyun startled and almost choked on his own spit. “Kai!” He gasped.

“What?” Kai demanded. “You both have rings for each other you know, now you just need to give them to each other!”

Baekhyun turned to Chanyeol with wide eyes. “You got me a ring?”

Chanyeol gulped. “One second,” he mumbled, and he stood up and dashed into his room, retrieving the rings with shaking hands. On the way back to the dining room he was keenly aware that there were eleven pairs of eyes on him (thirteen counting the dogs) and he almost tripped out of embarrassment, which was only made worse when Tao snorted.

Chanyeol quickly got down on one knee in front of Baekhyun, who seemed rooted to his chair in shock. Chanyeol looked up into Baekhyun’s face and realized that this would tie him to Baekhyun forever—this was a promise that they would always be together, not matter how much they fought or how unworthy they thought they were of the other’s love. This was him promising to Baekhyun that they loved each other for real and forever. He took out the first box and handed it to Baekhyun, too shy to open it himself.

“I just want you to know,” he said, never taking his eyes away from Baekhyun’s face, “That I’ll always love you and I’ll always be here for you.”

Baekhyun’s hands were shaking worse than Chanyeol’s were. He practically shrieked when he finally got the box open, nearly dropping it in surprise.

“I hope that’s good,” Chanyeol blurted, and Baekhyun laughed.

“It is,” he assured, “I…it’s a good scream.”

Chanyeol laughed and took the ring out, slipping it onto Baekhyun’s finger. It hadn’t been easy to find the perfect ring for Baekhyun, but finally he had gotten one that he thought was perfect. The band was wide, with three stripes of diamonds circling halfway around the band. Two of those stripes were brown diamonds, Chocolate diamonds, Kris had said. The large center diamond was surrounded by a square of smaller ones.

“This is going to sound cheesy,” Chanyeol said, “But…I picked it because it’s almost as bright as you are.”

Baekhyun actually sobbed and he flung himself off his chair, Chanyeol barely managed to catch him. “It’s not cheesy…” he managed to say. “It’s perfect, you’re perfect…I love you so much, I…” He pulled back and gave Chanyeol a wide-eyed look. “I need to give you your ring!”

“Got you covered,” Kai called, tossing Baekhyun a box. Baekhyun caught it and then, just as shyly as Chanyeol had, handed it over.

“I really hope you like it,” he said.

‘Like’ was an understatement. “Whoa!” Chanyeol cried, nearly dropping the box in shock. “Are those…it looks like…!”

“They’re rubies,” Baekhyun said, taking the ring out and putting on Chanyeol's hand. “And yeah, they reminded me of fire.”

Chanyeol felt himself tearing up, so touched by how carefully Baekhyun must have planned this, picking a ring that matched Chanyeol’s beloved firestone. Chanyeol cleared his throat. “I love it,” he promised, “And actually…I have one more surprise for you.” And he handed Baekhyun the second box.

“BY THE TREE,” Baekhyun shrieked as he opened the box, and this time he really did drop it. Chanyeol expected it and managed to grab it as Baekhyun’s hands flew to his mouth. His eyes had gone impossibly wide and they darted between Chanyeol and the massive emerald.

“How…but…when…was that…?!”

Chanyeol rushed to explain. “I thought you could use it for your gift, see how you could use it to your advantage, and yes it was at the museum, I took it when you went ahead—Tao helped actually,” he added, “And I did it because you deserve it.”

Baekhyun was shaking. “I…wow,” he managed as Chanyeol placed the ring in his hand. “You are something else, Chanyeol.”

Chanyeol grinned. “So does that mean you like it?”

Baekhyun couldn’t stop smiling, not even as he pulled Chanyeol in for a kiss. “I love it, but hard as it is to believe, not even half as much as I love you.”

Chanyeol thought that must have been a whole lot of love.


	37. I Can Only Dream of You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lu Han-centric  
> Continuity-Throughout Chapters 2 & 4 of AWE and Chapter 1 of this story. If you haven’t read the story from the beginning in a long time, you might want to reread those chapters.

_ I used to believe in forever,  
but forever's too good to be true.  
I've hung a wish on every star,  
It hasn't done much good so far.  
I can only dream of you,  
Wherever you are. _

Lu Han knew what it was like to lose someone he loved—he knew it from when he was seven years old and taken from his family. The thing about Guardians was that they were never meant to spend much time with their families, they were meant to be outcasts and easy for the matrons to come and pick up. But Lu Han’s case was special, after the Sanctuary had been contacted and Lu Han realized he was a Guardian, after his family realized he was a Guardian, things changed. Then the train tracks washed away in a storm and suddenly Lu Han was stranded at home for an indeterminable amount of time. In that time he got closer with his parents and older sister, and he even thought he was starting to love them. They acted like a family, they ate together every night and even played games sometimes. It was like the whole family had breathed a sigh of relief, realizing that they hadn’t made Lu Han weird, he had been born to be special. And then Lu Han had to leave just as he started to feel like he belonged. He got another family in the process, and he also got the love of his life, but there was a part of him that always missed his real family. He knew that pain, which was why he hoped his own friends never had to experience it.

* * *

Chen was screaming, Kai was yelling for someone to come help him with the control panel, Kris was desperately trying to get their navigation screens back online, there was an alarm screeching and a red light flashing throughout the ship. Lu Han didn’t know much about this hunk of metal but he knew they were going down. He reached out and grabbed Sehun’s hand just as the ship collided with another asteroid.

“Just hold on!” Sehun yelled as eleven screams of fright rang out. “We’ll make it through this, we’ll be okay!”

Another collision and Baekhyun shrieked with pain as his head bounced off the side of the ship. His grip on his security handle went lax and Suho scrambled to hold him up.

“We have to evacuate,” Lay cried. “It’s the only way!”

“No!” Kris hollered. “If we leave now we’re definitely dead, there’s too many asteroids!”

Lu Han choked on tears and clutched Sehun’s hand tighter. The ship was too big to be maneuvered through these flying rocks, they barely knew what they were doing. Lu Han knew he could help, but he knew what it would cost him. He could see his life flashing in front of his eyes, from his first memory of throwing a rock without using his hands, to Tao reaching out to him, to Kris hugging him in his wings, to his first kiss with Sehun, to the moment he and his brothers left their home. Lu Han could feel himself panicking, he didn’t want to die, but he wanted to spare Sehun and his brothers and there was only one thing he could think of that would make that happen.

“Sehun,” Lu Han cried, feeling bile rise in his throat. “I need you to promise me something!”

Sehun looked up at him. “What is it?”

Lu Han refused to let himself cry, he didn’t want Sehun’s last memory of him to be of him crying, and he didn’t want the last thing he saw to be Sehun worrying about him. Lu Han forced himself to smile. “Promise you won’t let go of my hand!”

Sehun did better, he wrapped his arm around Lu Han’s waist and held him close. “I’ll never let you go again as long as we live,” he vowed.

Lu Han felt a sob rise in his throat and he swallowed it, pulling back slightly to give Sehun one last kiss.

‘ _I’m so sorry_ ,’ he thought as the tears finally slipped free. ‘ _I’m so sorry I’m leaving you, Sehun. I love you so much, I love our brothers so much. I want you all to live, even if means I won’t be with you. I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry. Please forgive me, I never wanted to hurt you…_ ’

And then he buried his face in Sehun’s neck so Sehun wouldn’t have to see his scared expression, took a deep breath and started to make the asteroids move out of the way.

* * *

The pain was excruciating, but Lu Han forced himself to keep going. He could feel his sanity slipping, feel pieces of himself start to break off as his mind fractured apart under the pressure of moving so many heavy objects. He forced himself to repeat his brothers names in his head, to remember who they were.

Lay, Tao, Kris, Chanyeol, Suho, Kai, Baekhyun, Kyungsoo, Chen, Xiumin, Sehun.

Lay, Tao, Kris, Chanyeol, Suho, Kai, Baekhyun, Kyungsoo, Chen, Xiumin, Sehun.

Lay, Tao, Kris, Suho, Kai, Chen, Xiumin, Chanyeol, Sehun.

Tao…Kris…Lay…Suho…Kai…Sehun…Kris…Baekhyun…Sehun…

It hurts…

Tao…Kris…Sehun…Chanyeol…Baekhyun…Sehun…Kyungsoo…Sehun…

Sehun…

It hurts too much…I can’t…

Sehun…

I’m sorry.

* * *

“Lu Han…”

There is no Lu Han.

Yes there is.

“Wake up!”

Why do you sound upset? Who are you?

“I know you’re in there!”

There’s nobody in here…where is here?

“Talk to me!”

Who are you? Who am I?

“I’ll cut myself, I swear I will!”

Don’t…don’t hurt yourself…

Who are you?

Who am I?

I’m sorry…

Why am I sorry?

Who am I?

* * *

“Lu Han, please…it’s me, Sehun, I’m your husband! Please talk to me!”

I want to go over there…what’s on my hand? Who is holding me?

“Lu Han, please…can’t you just look at me? Please, please just look at me, just once…”

I don’t know you…but I should. I want to…I want to go over there…who are you? Do I know you?

“I love you, I love you so much Lu Han! Please come back to me, I can’t do this without you. Please Lu Han, I need you! I’m sorry! I’m sorry I didn’t realize what you were doing, I would have stopped you…I never even said goodbye…oh Lu Han, I’m so sorry. P-Please…come back to me…”

You shouldn’t be sorry, I should. I’m sorry, I…I…I want to go over there…who are you?

* * *

What am I?

Is there an ‘I’?

What is it?

It’s me…What is ‘me’?

* * *

There was someone…someone I cared…

There was…

What’s that?

* * *

I am real.

What is 'real'?

* * *

“Lu Han, can you hear me? It’s Jongin…do you remember me? Listen, Sehun needs you. He’s hurting really badly and I…I can’t watch it anymore. It’s hurting me, too. Hyung…Lu Han, I’m not ready for this, I’m so scared, I think we’re all alone here, nobody is coming for us and we can’t leave…what if we’re stuck here forever? But it’s just me…Sehun’s almost as Lost as you are…he barely talks to me anymore. Lu Han if you can hear me, if you can understand me then please say something, anything so I know that I’m not alone!”

I want to…I want to help you…but I can’t…why can’t I?

“Lu Han…”

I can’t…

“I knew it. I really am alone…what am I going to do? I’m so scared…”

Why…

What’s wrong with me?

Help me.

* * *

This is wrong…this is so wrong…

Help me.

* * *

SOMEBODY HELP ME!

* * *

“Sehun, let him go. You need to go look for something to eat, I can’t do it today.”

“I can’t leave him.”

“I can’t move! My ankle is killing me, please Sehun just go.”

“What if he wakes up and I’m not here?”

“DO YOU REALLY THINK THAT’S GOING TO HAPPEN? HE’S GONE, SEHUN, HE’S GONE!”

“DON’T YOU TALK TO ME LIKE THAT, YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT IT’S LIKE FOR ME, YOU WERE NEVER IN LOVE!”

Don’t fight…don’t yell…you’re hurting me…

What’s going on?

Where are we?

…we…there’s a ‘we’ now…there were more…

There were…

* * *

Who are you?

I don’t know…

Yes you do.

I do?

Yes. You loved someone once.

Who?

You know.

I don’t know…

Yes you do.

I do know…I do.

* * *

You…you’re new here. I don’t know how I know that but I know you’re new.

Who are you? Do I know you?

“Lu Han! Can you hear me? It’s Tao!”

You know me.

I know you.

* * *

You talked to me…you came up to me first. I taught you about the Guardians.

The Guardians…

I’m a…

I know you. You’re…

Your name is Tao.

“Hello, Tao.”

* * *

I know who these people are.

I remember them.

We were together when we were children…

Why were we together?

Because we were Guardians.

The Tree…it gave us gifts.

I could move things.

I shouldn’t have moved things.

I did something bad.

I hurt a lot of people.

What have I done?

* * *

You loved someone once.

I did?

Yes. You still do.

I love someone? What is ‘love’?

You know what it is. It’s the best feeling in the world. It takes over you. It’s throwing everything you have into another being and trusting them to keep it safe.

It sounds wonderful…

It is.

I’m a Guardian.

Yes you are.

The one I love is also a Guardian.

Yes he is.

I’ve known him for a very long time…he’s very strong, though he has his moments of weakness. Most of them connected to me. He was a bad liar, he once lied and said he didn’t know how he felt about me.

That’s right.

He had a speech problem when he was a child…he got over it because he wanted to talk to me.

Yes, that’s true.

I fell asleep in his arms every night for a long time.

I talked to him about everything.

I hurt him.

I left him…I left him alone.

I’m so sorry, Sehun.

Sehun…

I love you…

Sehun…

* * *

_Lu Han hyung…I love you so much_.

I love you too, Sehun-ah.

_Will we be together forever?_

Of course we will.

I love your smile, Sehun. I love how when you hug me, you hold me almost too tight, like you’re determined to keep me from leaving your arms. I never want to leave your arms. I love you, Sehun.

Sehun…

 _I remember everything. I remember it all, Sehun_ …

“Why are you crying?”

Sehun laughed sadly. “Because I love you.”

“I love you too.”

Sehun looked up, his eyes wide. It was dark and his face was in shadow, Lu Han could barely see Sehun’s face but he knew it well enough that it didn’t matter. He was sitting in Lu Han’s lap, his hands gripping Lu Han’s shoulders.

“Do you know what that means? Do you know what you’re saying?”

Of course I do. How could I not?

“I do. I don’t know how to say what it means but…I remember I said it to you a lot. I remember how it made me feel—how it made you feel. I remember that you were the best thing that ever happened to me. And I remember that you cried the first time I said it, because you were scared that we wouldn’t stay together, and I told you that I would never hurt you.” Lu Han gently pulled Sehun’s hands off his shirt and twined their fingers together. “But I think I did hurt you. I’ve been making you cry. I don’t want you to cry anymore, Sehun. I said I remember how you made me feel, and you still make me feel that way. I called it love before, and a lot has changed since then, but…but I think it’s still called love. So yes, I do love you.”

When Sehun started to cry again, Lu Han wanted nothing more than to kiss his tears away, and he did. He started by kissing Sehun’s cheeks, then just under his eyes, then his nose, but Sehun only seemed to cry harder.

“Please don’t cry anymore,” Lu Han begged, holding Sehun’s hands tightly in his own. “Please Sehun-ah, you suffered enough because of me, and I’ll spend a long time making it up to you, but please don’t cry anymore…I’m so sorry…”

Sehun gently pulled his hands out of Lu Han’s grasp and cradled his face. “I’ve waited so long to hear you say my name,” he gasped. “I’m so happy right now, you can’t even imagine…”

“I hurt you,” Lu Han choked. “And I’m so sorry I did, Sehun…I just wanted you to stay alive, I didn’t want to hurt you…”

Sehun leaned forward until their foreheads touched. “Can I kiss you?” He asked quietly, brushing tears off of Lu Han’s cheeks.

Lu Han nodded, and their first kiss in nearly eight years was just as warm and sweet as he remembered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original notes:  
> Title & epigraph taken from the song "Wherever You Are" by Barry Coffing and Vonda Shepard. You can listen to it here (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rGIaR03tmLU)
> 
> This drabble is also called, "Boy when I make 'em cry I really turn on the water works." I have never in my life cried so much when I was writing something. Not for any of these drabbles, not for the original story, not for any other fic I have ever worked on. This just takes the cake. I really debated posting this…but it had to be done. I owed it to the relationship dynamic that I created for HunHan in this story, and I wanted to explore what it would be like for Lu Han to be stuck inside himself while he was Lost. He was aware of what was going on around him but he could not react. I also did a lot about this from Sehun’s perspective and I actually haven’t had too many Lu Han-centric drabbles, and again I wanted to explore a little with how Lu Han must have felt right before he tried to save everyone even though he knew it would hurt him.
> 
> In case you’re wondering, during those little conversations, the lines with quotes are what other people are saying to or around Lu Han. Mostly Sehun, but Kai and Tao are there too. If you remember back to the original story it won’t be hard to figure out who is talking. And yes, Lu Han is having conversations with himself…or he’s having conversations with something inside of him. Part of me likes to think there was a piece of the Lu Han’s consciousness that was unaffected—something the same magic that gave him his gift could have latched onto and kept safe to try to coax him back to how he used to be.
> 
> THERE WILL BE A HAPPY WEDDING NEXT DRABBLE, I PROMISE!!!


	38. Wish Upon A Star

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Continuity: After chapter 36  
> Pairing: 2Jong

Chen had never imagined that he would be the one to propose to Kai, he had never actually imagined them having a fancy proposal. He’d just thought that one day they’d look at each other and say, “I want to marry you,” and that would be it. Nobody would get down on one knee, they wouldn’t have rings, they wouldn’t even have a big ceremony—they had disturbed the Tree enough in the last ten years, it needed a break to focus on healing the world. He figured that he and Kai would just casually bring it up to the other members, maybe Lu Han would insist on some kind of ceremony, but there wouldn’t be a big fuss.

When Chen was a child, he had never imagined his wedding. There wasn’t anyone in his village he particularly wanted to marry, so he didn’t think about it. and then growing up he was too timid to believe that such a thing could ever happen to him. Now that the possibility was there though, and now that everyone knew about it, Chen found himself thinking about his marriage quite a bit. If he had imagined his wedding, he would have never imagined that he’d be getting married while traveling around an empty world, basically waiting for the first people to pop up. Chen found himself thinking back to his village and what their traditional wedding was like. The more he thought about it, the more he thought that it was something he would have liked.

While walking along, trying to get to Beijing, their group came upon a huge field full of flowers. It reminded Chen so much of his hometown that he nearly started to cry. He had grown up in the North, which was famous for large cities, but even in the north there had been rural areas, and Chen had grown up in a town that was more a collection of grain fields than an actual, cohesive town. Perhaps that was why he was naturally so solitary.

Seeing the field, Chen right away took off running to the tall grasses, tossing a ‘Be right back’ over his shoulder to the rest of his group. He ran until he couldn’t breathe, until grass and flowers were all he could see, and then he flopped down on his back and stared up at the sky. It was so blue here, devoid of the orange tint that the sky tended to have in other places. It was so quiet and calm, he never wanted to leave.

Chen raised his hand and trailed his fingertips along the blades of grass. He couldn’t believe the flowers were still blooming here, Kyungsoo and Lay must have been thrilled. Sitting up, Chen grabbed a handful of the grass and selected a few of the prettiest flowers. It had been years since he had last done this, but even a rejected child knew how to do this in his village. He began to wind the grass together, braiding the flowers in. He was only about halfway done when he felt Kai pop up beside him.

“It’s gorgeous here,” Kai sighed, sitting down and resting his chin on Chen’s shoulder. Chen leaned back until he was resting against Kai’s chest, and Kai’s arms went around his waist.

“What are you making?” Kai asked.

“A flower crown,” Chen said. “I haven’t made one in a while. Kai, have I ever told you what weddings are like where I come from?”

“No,” Kai said, surprised. “I thought they were the same across the north.”

“Not in my village,” Chen said, “For us, when a couple gets married they…well of course they get the proper paperwork, and their family goes with them to the local council and whatever, but when they get back they have another ceremony.” He paused to get a few more flowers, continuing when he was resettled. “It’s very private, I mean everyone knows what to do but when it comes down to it, the ceremony is only between two people. They go off together to some place quiet and isolated, some place like this. They talk about their future, imagine how their lives will play out, make rules for their household and discuss how they’ll raise their kids and take care of their land. While they do this, the couple makes flower crowns for each other. They gather the best grass and flowers, and when they’re ready they exchange crowns. They stay out there, alone together, until the last flower in the crown wilts. Then they come home and start their life together.”

Chen sighed, fingers stilling on his crown. “It’s a little sad, because the gift you’ve made for your lover is going to die, but it’s symbolic for life. Sometimes things don’t work out how you want them to, sometimes a flood wipes out your crops or you can’t have kids, but it’s not about the things you don’t have, it’s about the love that stays with you even after the last flower has wilted. There will always be more flowers you can weave into a crown, and there will always be another day with the one you love.”

Chen pretended not to notice that Kai was crying.

“That’s beautiful,” Kai said after a moment, clearing his throat a little. “And you’re very good at making those crowns.”

Chen held up his completed masterpiece and smiled. “It’s not as good as it could have been, but I’ve been making these since I was a baby. Everyone in my village did, it’s the first thing we learn.”

Kai touched the braiding and the flowers. “Can you teach me how to make one?”

Chen shrugged. “Sure, we have time.”

But Kai shook his head and pressed a lingering kiss to Chen’s cheek. “Teach me now,” he murmured, his lips brushing Chen’s skin. “I want to be able to do this for you. You want a ceremony like that, and so do I.”

Chen turned around, eyes wide in surprise. “Really? You want to do that?”

Kai nodded eagerly.

“But…the others will want to have a ceremony with us,” Chen sputtered. “You want Suho to be there when we exchange vows.”

“We can do that too,” Kai assured, taking Chen’s hands. “But I can see how much you want this, and I think it’s beautiful. I just want us to go to a beach for our ceremony, do you think we can do that? Maybe get some flowers here and then I can see if I can pop us over to a beach.”

Chen knew that to do that would make Kai exhausted, so for him to say it he must have been very serious. He found himself tearing up, imagining sitting with Kai as they watched the sun set over the water, their flower crowns tangled in their hair. He could imagine falling asleep under a sky full of stars, tracing the lines in Kai’s palm as they were lying side by side.

“I think we can do that,” Chen choked, and as Kai kissed his tears away Chen wondered how they could possibly have a more perfect moment than this one. Even when Keen came bounding up, Daisy hot on his heels, and the two dogs pounced on Kai and Chen and licked them half to death, the moment was still absolutely perfect.

* * *

Chen had imagined that they might have a joint ceremony with Baekhyun and Chanyeol, but the two of them decided that they wanted their weddings to be their own. Kai and Chen didn’t have their ceremony until after Kai was confident that he could make an acceptable flower crown without any help, which took him about a month. He would practice every night, using anything he could get his hands on. He even used tree branches at one point. The other members of their group would watch in a mixture of awe and amusement as Kai struggled to braid the grasses and flowers together and Chen gave him encouraging words and helped to guide his hands when he stumbled. More than once it seemed like Suho and Kris were especially touched, watching the pair of them, and Chen figured it was because he and Kai had been practically raised by the two leader.

Finally the day came when they had their group ceremony. Suho wrote up a marriage contract, which Kai and Chen signed, and then each member of the group gave the pair of them a few words of encouragement or a wish for their future together.

Suho made a speech about how wonderful it had been to watch Kai grow up and fall in love, and Kris did the same for Chen. Everyone cried, Kai possibly more than anyone else, and when he hugged Suho, Chen heard him whisper into his leader’s ear, “I love you, hyung. You’re more a brother to me than anyone else has ever been.”

After Kris’ speech, Chen hugged him tightly and thanked him for all the care Kris had ever shown him. Kris ruffled Chen’s hair and said that Chen was truly everything Kris had ever imagined he could grow up to be and more.

Then the twelve of them had lunch together, Chen made Lay promise to take good care of Keen while he was gone, Kai packed a bag of food and water and Chen made sure to bring plenty of spare clothes. When they were ready, Kai and Chen walked off by themselves. Kai pulled Chen close and Chen closed his eyes. When he opened them again, they were standing in the same flower field where Chen had first showed Kai how to make the crown.

Chen had to laugh at how particular Kai was when he chose the grasses and flowers. He fussed over the color of each flower and the length of each blade of grass. Kai was frantic about what color flowers he should use, and Chen assured him that he would love it no matter what.

“It has to be perfect!” Kai insisted. “You only get one wedding flower crown right?”

“Unless we get married again,” Chen said as he gathered some grass. “You know, Sehun and Lu Han are thinking of having another wedding ceremony.”

“What for? It’s only been five years!”

“I think they want to do something personal, like this,” Chen said with a happy sigh. “Really, they deserve it. Are you done picking everything?”

“No!” Kai yelped. “I want the freshest looking plants I can find, I want them to take forever to wilt.”

Chen nearly dropped everything he was holding. “Aw, Kai! That’s so sweet of you to say!”

But ten minutes later Chen threw up his hands. “For the Tree’s sake, come on! Let’s go to the beach!”

Kai laughed and straightened up from his pile of collected flora, having finally picked the best specimens. He ran to Chen and almost knocked him down with a hug, and when Chen regained his footing he realized that he wasn’t standing on dirt but sand.

The twelve of them had only been to a beach on this world once before, and Chen was mesmerized by the sight of sand stretching for miles in front of him, and when he turned his head he saw the ocean laying out even further across the landscape. Along the beach were all sorts of fancy houses, and behind those were large apartment buildings. The sun was still high in the sky, which was mostly blue in this area, and there wasn’t a rain cloud in sight. It was so beautiful.

“This is gorgeous,” Chen said as he looked around.

Kai smiled shyly. “Is it? I wasn’t sure if…if it was okay that we were near a city, I just thought that if it rained really badly we might want to take cover somewhere.”

“That’s good thinking,” Chen assured. “And really, I think that since we’re alone here, it’s okay to be near a city.”

Kai sighed in relief and then pulled a blanket out of his bag and spread it out on the sand. “So, do we start now?”

Chen plopped down and patted the space next to him. “Now is as good a time as any.”

When Chen was assured that Kai wasn’t having any problems starting the crown (as he so often had) he began work on his own. Now that the moment had actually arrived, he found himself suddenly nervous. Kai had been right after all, you only got one wedding crown. To distract himself, he initiated conversation.

“So we’re supposed to talk about our future together,” Chen reminded Kai.

“We’ll be Guardians until the end of time,” Kai said. “We’ll live with the others forever, we’ll train the future generations, and then we’ll defeat that thing back on our planet.”

There was a brief silence in which Chen debated opening his mouth. “That’s odd,” He finally mumbled.

“What’s odd?”

Chen swallowed. “Well, you said back on our planet…you didn’t say home.”

Kai hesitated. “It’s not my home,” he said at last. “That place has too many bad memories. They outweigh the good ones.”

Chen kept his eyes on the braid he was making, weaving in a purple flower. “But what about this planet? We have some pretty awful memories here, too.” _'You especially,'_ he thought.

Kai sighed. “I do, but…I think I can live with that. I just don’t ever want to go back to those woods again.”

“Kris and Tao want to go back,” Chen mumbled, “They want to know what happened to them in that place.”

“I just won’t go with them,” Kai said quickly. “But anyway, the only home I know is with you and our brothers, that’s all I need.”

Chen looked up and saw Kai smiling at him, but he quickly looked back down.

“Are you alright?”

“I don’t know,” Chen admitted. “Kai…I don’t know what I want.”

“What do you mean?”

“I don’t know where I want to stay. At some point we will have to go back home, and…well depending on what it’s like once Mama is gone…who is going to take care of our birthplace?” He looked up again. “We can’t split into two groups. Not the way it was originally set.”

Kai paled slightly but shook himself. “We won’t,” he said firmly. “The older Guardians can’t make us. What’s the worst they can do, take away our Guardian status? Force us to bring anyone who will be on this world back to them? if they do that then we can always leave again. We can go anywhere we want, make our own society.”

“Only if it comes down to it,” Chen said. “But I think…if the older Guardians can handle our world, I would want to come back here.”

But at the same time, he really wanted to go home. He didn’t think he and Kai would ever see eye-to-eye on this matter, but they could cross that bridge when they got to it.

Kai seemed to relax and he smiled again. “I really don’t like it there,i t’s too traditional. And just knowing that the whole time we were playing in the Sanctuary, something awful was living under us…” he shuddered.

Chen bit his lip. “I know you don’t like to talk about it,” he said slowly, his heart pounding, “But…what do you remember about that day?”

Kai’s hands shook a little.

“You don’t have to tell me,” Chen said quickly.

“No,” Kai said, “I do. You deserve to hear it.” He put his crown aside and took a deep breath. “I remember being really tired after the hike. I was next to Tao, and we were both exhausted. We were the first ones to fall asleep, I think that’s why it grabbed us. I don’t…I don’t remember walking off the path. It’s like I was sleepwalking, because I can’t remember anything. The only thing I know is that I was falling, that’s when I snapped out of it. I just reached out for something to grab, and it turned out to be Tao’s hand, I think that was actually in the second right before we fell…and Tao had the tree root…I looked down…” Kai shook his head. “Well, you know what happened then.”

Chen scooted forward and hugged Kai. “I can’t even imagine how scared you must have been.”

Kai hugged him back for a few moments, and then slowly moved back, letting his arms fall. He looked like he wanted to cry, but then he grinned.

“We should get back to making these crowns before they wilt on us,” he said cheerfully, and Chen decided that he was right.

“So,” Chen said as he went back to his crown, “How are we going to raise our kids?”

Kai burst into laughter and fell backwards. “You mean whatever Guardians come after us?” he gasped when he finally calmed down.

Chen grinned and shrugged. “Sure, why not?”

“You know they’ll be girls first,” Kai said seriously. “How much do any of us know about girls?”

“Oh please,” Chen scoffed. “We were abandoned as children, raised ourselves, discovered an evil force, left home, crash landed on a foreign planet, found our way back together, dealt with separation and issues with our gifts and love and a dozen other things. I think we can handle twelve girls.”

Kai leaned forward and kissed Chen gently. “I love it when you talk positive,” he whispered. When he leaned back, he placed the completed crown on Chen’s head, and Chen did the same for him. Then they laid down on their blanket and watched the sunset.

* * *

It was only the second day, but already the flowers were starting to wilt a little. Kai had noticed it while they were watching the sun dip below the waves.

“They’re weak plants to begin with,” Chen reminded Kai as he fingered the browning blooms. “Too much pollution. Maybe we can do this again in a few decades.”

Kai hummed in agreement and put the crown back on Chen’s head. They were still on their beach blanket, Chen lying on his stomach and tracing patterns in the sand. Kai was half on top of him, and as Chen began to draw again he felt Kai’s lips on the back of his neck.

“I hope we do this again sooner than that,” he whispered, his hand sneaking around Chen’s waist and wedging between his hip and the blanket. Chen shivered as Kai’s fingers teased the hem of his shirt. “I would like to be alone with you like this more often.”

Chen turned his head caught Kai’s second kiss with his lips, grinning when Kai jumped in surprise. They kissed for a while, and when they finally regained a sense of time Chen realized that the stars were already out.

“Let’s look at the stars,” he said, rolling onto his back and pulling Kai down with him.

“I bet they haven’t changed much since last night,” Kai teased, but he did as Chen asked.

The stars were so beautiful on this world, there were stars and constellations that Chen had never seen before, and it fascinated him. Chen grabbed Kai’s hand and squeezed it. “Kris told me that people on this world say if you make a wish on a star, it will come true.”

Kai was quiet for a moment, and then he whispered, “I wish we never had to leave this place. Nothing hurts here.”

Chen realized that Kai was crying, and he quickly sat up and pulled his husband up with him. Kai had tears streaming down his face and his crown was all askew. “Are you alright?” Chen asked, cupping Kai’s cheek. “Hey, it’s going to be okay now—I can protect you.”

Kai giggled and it morphed into a sob. “I’m sorry,” he hiccuped. “It’s just…I have so many bad memories and…I have nothing bad associated with open fields or oceans…everything bad that happened to me happened in a city or a forest…I just want to stay here forever.”

Chen carded his fingers through Kai’s hair and kissed his forehead. “But that’s what’s so good about us being married,” he said, a little choked up himself. “We can make so many good memories now, we already have. It’s okay if you’re scared, or if the bad memories sometimes make you uncomfortable, that’s why I’m here, to make them go away.”

Kai looked up at Chen with watery eyes. “And you’ll never leave me, right?”

“Are you kidding?” Chen asked. “It would be like me trying to get up in the morning without my head. Impossible to do.”

Kai laughed and pulled Chen in for a kiss. “I do have one more thing to ask you though,” He whispered. “Can you call me Jongin more often?”

Chen kissed his husband’s cheek. “Of course, Jongin. Can you call me Jongdae more often?”

Jongin tackled him to the ground and kissed him senseless. “Of course I can, Jongdae. My Jongdae.”


	39. Dream With You Forever

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pairing: 2Jong  
> Continuity: Right after the previous drabble  
> Warning: sexual content

On the third day of their honeymoon, the rain chased Jongin and Jongdae into one of the houses along the beach. It was pretty full of sand, but miraculously free of leaks and vermin. They shook out the sheets, brushed off the couches and made themselves at home. Two days later they remained inside, going out to enjoy the water every now and then but coming inside to eat and sleep.

On the morning of the seventh day, Jongdae found himself being woken by a weight on his chest—not overly heavy, but enough for him to know that someone was leaning over him. He opened his eyes and caught Jongin’s look. Jongin wordlessly handed him his flower crown.  
  
“Oh,” Jongdae said hoarsely, looking at the crown. Yesterday Jongin’s crown had wilted completely, but his crown still had a bit of green in the grasses. But now…“It’s wilted.”  
  
Jongin gave him a sad look. “Do we have to go back now?”  
  
Jongdae swallowed and cleared his throat. He didn’t want to leave yet. He missed his brothers, but he’d gotten so used to the quiet of living with one other person, the intimacy of having their own space and being able to do whatever they want, whenever they want. “Soon,” Jongdae said after a moment. He reached up and wound his arm around Jongin’s neck, pulling him back down and rolling him onto his side. Jongdae cuddled against Jongin’s chest and closed his eyes. “I want you to myself for a little while longer.”  
  
Jongin’s arms wrapped around his waist and held him close, hands smoothing his shirt down at the back where it had ridden up. “It’s pretty nice today,” he said softly, kissing Jongdae’s forehead. “Want to go swimming?”  
  
Jongdae grinned sleepily. “Sure,” he mumbled. “In a little while…”  
  
Jongdae didn’t wind up going back to sleep, not really. He dozed for a little while but was more interested in the sounds of the waves crashing on the beach, so he finally made himself get up and start the day. He and Jongin went into the kitchen and scrounged together a decent breakfast, and then they put together some water, changed into swimming clothes (still wet from the day before) and headed for the beach.  
  
Jongin was the first one in the water, dashing through the waves and diving headfirst below the surface. Jongdae got distracted along the way by some pretty interesting shells but eventually found his way into the water. It was warmer than it should have been, which was due to the pollution, but it was still chillier than bath water and Jongdae shivered.  
  
“Just go right under!” Jongin yelled, “You’ll get used to it faster!”  
  
Jongdae sighed but decided to follow Jongin’s advice and get it over with, quickly ducking under. He came up quickly and shook the hair from his face. “It’s still cold!”  
  
“So swim!” Jongin laughed.  
  
In all honesty neither of them were particularly good swimmers, but they had fun anyway. The waves weren’t too bad, and they were perfect for riding into shore. Kris said it was called body surfing, and Jongdae supposed that made sense. After only a few minutes Jongdae got even colder, and Jongin swam over to him and hugged him close.  
  
“That’s better,” Jongdae sighed as he pressed closer. “You’re really very warm.”  
  
Jongin sighed and kissed Jongdae’s cheek. “You’re pretty warm too…even if your lips are blue.”  
  
“They are not!” Jongdae cried indignantly, pulling back to see Jongin giving him a teasing look.  
  
“Oh, you’re right,” he said. “My bad, let me make it up to you…”  
  
He went in for a kiss and Jongdae tipped his head back, parting his lips as Jongin swept his tongue across them. Jongdae slipped his hands under Jongin’s shirt and walked his fingers up Jongin’s spine, grinning as his husband shivered under his touch. Jongdae splayed his fingers out on Jongin’s shoulder blades and then flexed them, his nails lightly scratching the skin. Jongin moaned and nipped Jongdae’s lip, and Jongdae’s head spun a little at the pressure of his teeth. At one point Jongdae was knocked forward a little by the waves, and pressed hard enough against Jongin to feel his half-hard cock against his thigh.  
  
“Back to the house?” Jongdae asked breathlessly.  
  
“Please,” Jongin laughed, taking Jongdae by the hand.  
  
They were impatient, crashing through the door of their house with their lips still attached, tripping over the floor mat and laughing breathlessly at themselves. Jongin latched onto Jongdae’s neck and bit down, Jongdae moaned weakly and backed against a wall, pulling Jongin closer. Jongin bit down harder and Jongdae arched into him, digging his nails into Jongin’s hips. Jongin moaned and kissed his way up Jongdae’s neck to kiss him again, licking teasingly into Jongdae’s mouth. They parted only when they removed their shirts, tossing them down on the floor. They stumbled into the bedroom, kicking off their shorts along the way, falling naked and wet on the bed.  
  
“We should have dried off,” Jongin panted as Jongdae kissed down his chest, wrinkling his nose slightly at the taste of sea salt.  
  
“Probably,” Jongdae agreed, “But who has time for that?”  
  
Jongin laughed and traced Jongdae’s hip bones. “Not us, obviously,” he laughed. Jongdae rolled them over and straddled Jongin’s waist, leaning down to kiss him slowly, smirking as Jongin rocked his hips up. Jongdae pulled back, smirk still on his face, and slowly trailed his fingertips down Jongin’s chest and stomach, stopping just above his naval…and then he got up and went to get the lubricant.  
  
“ _Hyung_ ,” Jongin whined, rolling onto his side and watching Jongdae forlornly. “That’s not fair!”  
  
Jongdae rolled his eyes. “You only call me hyung when you want something from me,” he scolded, trying not to show how much the word really affected him. “Rude. My husband is rude,” he sighed as he came back to bed, dropping the tube on Jongin’s face. Jongin easily caught it though, which defeated the whole purpose.  
  
“So,” Jongin asked casually as Jongdae clambered over him. “How are we going to do this?”  
  
Jongdae had been thinking about this for a while, and from their previous position…Jongin looked so…sexy on his back, arms under his head…or over his head…flushing as Jongdae teased him…  
  
“I want to ride you,” Jongdae said, his voice lower than he expected. Jongin’s eyes widened and Jongdae felt himself go a little light headed as what felt like all the blood in his body rushed south. “Can I?” He asked.  
  
Jongin smiled and nodded. “Yeah,” he said hoarsely, “Yeah, you…go on.”  
  
Jongdae grinned and grabbed the lube out of Jongin’s hand. “I want to do it,” he said. Jongin flushed a little and Jongdae settled on his hips once more, noticing how Jongin gripped the sheets on the bed tightly. “Is that alright?”  
  
“Yes,” Jongin managed.  
  
Jongdae held Jongin’s gaze as he slicked up a finger and pressed it into himself. It was a little weird, Jongdae had never done this himself. Or at least, not with Kai watching him, but he found he rather liked it. He felt a little more in control, taking in how the slightest sound he made seemed to get Jongin even more riled up, hands clenched tight on the sheets and his eyes sweeping Jongdae’s body. Jongdae could feel Jongin’s hips twitching, his legs shifting and he pressed his free hand on Jongin’s stomach. “Don’t move,” he gasped as he pushed in a third finger. “And don’t even think of touching yourself.”  
  
Jongin groaned and his head fell back. “You’re just unfairly attractive,” he sighed, quickly lifting his head again to watch. Jongdae flushed with pleasure under Jongin’s gaze, he was mesmerized, which meant Jongdae had to be doing something right. Jongin untangled one hand from the sheets and traced his fingers up Jongdae’s thigh, barely touching his skin.  
  
“Now who’s being unfair?” He whined as he twitched away—Jongin knew he was ticklish. To distract both of them Jongdae twisted the fingers inside himself and he gasped, ending in a low whine. Jongin’s hand fell back on the sheets, but Jongdae was too distracted to notice his victory.  
  
“Fuck,” Jongin swore as Jongdae scissored his fingers. “This is…damn, Jongdae you’re so sexy…”  
  
Jongdae laughed and finally removed his fingers, whimpering a little. “I should hope you would think your husband is sexy,” he purred as he wrapped slick fingers around Jongin’s cock and stroked. Jongin gasped and rolled his hips up, and Jongdae allowed it for a moment before removing his hand and pushing him down.  
  
“Don’t move,” He mumbled, “I’ll…need a minute.”  
  
Jongin’s gaze softened and he brushed his hand over Jongdae’s hip, caressing the sharp ridge. “It’s okay, baby,” he murmured. “Take your time.”  
  
Jongdae bit his lip as he positioned himself over Jongin’s cock and slowly slid down, gasping slightly. He could get used to the stretch, it was the heat that always seemed to catch him off guard. His legs shook and he braced his hands on Jongin’s chest, panting as he slid down a little more.  
  
Jongin’s grip on Jongdae’s hip tightened. “Fucking hell,” he hissed, “You’re so tight, like you haven’t…you should have let me prep you, your fingers are too short…” Jongdae dug his nails into Jongin’s chest and he cut off with a grunt. “Ouch,” he whined.  
  
“It’s not that bad,” Jongdae gasped as he slid down a little more, “I don’t mind this.”  
  
Jongdae could see that Jongin was having a tough time focusing, trying so hard not to buck up, and he panted out another question. “Doesn’t it…hurt?”  
  
Jongdae was also having a hard time keeping focus, but he managed to answer. “It’s more…it’s uncomfortable,” he managed as Jongin’s cock slid completely into him. “But you feel so good,” he sighed, his head tipped back and mouth slightly open, “I don’t mind.”  
  
After a few moments Jongin squirmed under him, shifting his hips and Jongdae felt a spike of pleasure shoot up his spine.  
  
“Okay,” he gasped, “Moving now.” He rose up and slid back down, groaning as Jongin dug his nails into his thighs. Jongdae bit down on his lip to stifle a moan. The burn hadn’t completely faded but Jongdae knew that it wouldn’t last and he knew how to focus on other sensations, such as Jongin’s hand sliding up his thigh and fingers tracing his belly…Jongin knew how he liked to be touched, knew when to roll his hips up and how to make Jongdae whimper and gasp.  
  
After a moment Jongin pushed himself up into a sitting position, which meant that Jongdae was doing all the work now. “Brat,” Jongdae accused even as he gripped Jongin’s shoulders for leverage, fairly slamming his hips down and moving faster.  
  
“You love me for it,” Jongin moaned, kissing Jongdae before he could protest, sliding his tongue into his mouth, tasting him. Jongdae shivered and whimpered as Jongin’s teeth scrapped his lip. Jongin pulled away and nipped Jongdae’s sharp jaw, down his throat, along his collarbones. Jongdae sobbed and gripped Jongin’s hips with his thighs, pace stuttering.  
  
“Jongin, please,” he sobbed, “I can’t…”  
  
Jongin wrapped his hand around his cock and stroked gently. “Come on baby,” he whispered, and that was all it took. As his orgasm slammed through him, Jongin flipped him over and thrust into him even harder, and Jongdae gasped and clung to Jongin’s shoulders, panting into his neck. When he bit down Jongin came too, stifling a moan in the pillow under Jongdae’s head.  
  
It was several minutes before they moved again, Jongin pulling out and lying down next to Jongdae, nuzzling his temple. Jongdae nudged Jongin’s arms around him, their legs tangled together, neither of them paying heed to the sweat and come drying on their skin. It was gross, no doubt about it, but if they moved then they would have to leave.  
  
“I’ll miss this,” Jongin said after a while.  
  
“Sex?” Jongdae laughed. “Jongin, we don’t have to stop having sex, being with them has never stopped us before!” He suddenly pulled back and gave Jongin a fierce look. “Need I remind you about the mall?”  
  
Jongin scoffed. “You enjoyed that.”  
  
“I woke up to you sucking me off!” Jongdae cried, “I dare you to find anyone who wouldn’t like getting that kind of wake up from their lover!”  
  
“But they were so close to us, anyone could have seen, I know,” Jongin sighed, and he kissed Jongdae’s cheek. “I’m sorry baby, I didn’t mean to embarrass you.”  
  
Jongdae groaned. “I know, I forgive you,” he sighed, snuggling closer.  
  
“You smell like sex,” Jongin muttered.  
  
“Gee, I wonder why.”  
  
They both laughed at that, and Jongin looked up at Jongdae pleadingly. “Do we really have to go now?” He asked, his hand skirting up and down Jongdae’s ribs.  
  
Jongdae pretended to think it over. “I suppose I can justify one more round,” he said, “But only if _I_ get to have _you_.”  
  
“You’ve always had me,” Jongin teased.  
  
“You know what I mean,” Jongdae laughed, and Jongin rolled onto his back and threw out his arms.  
  
“Take me,” he cried dramatically. “I’m yours.”  
  


* * *

  
  
One more round turned into three more, and then the sun was rising again and it had been 24 hours since they should have left.  
“I can’t move,” Jongin whined, holding his hand up to block the sun. “No way…I’m too tired to teleport your butt back to the others…it’s nap time.”  
  
Jongdae agreed, he was pretty sore and he really didn’t want to go. “Maybe we’ll just…” he began, but he cut himself off.  
  
“Hmm?” Jongin asked sleepily, already halfway to dreamland.  
  
Jongdae waited until the rise and fall of Jongin’s chest evened out and his lips parted slightly as his jaw went slack. Only then did he lightly trace his husband’s jaw and allow his eyes to tear slightly.  
  
“Maybe we will just stay here forever,” he whispered. “Just like you wanted. Maybe we’ll never leave this place, maybe we’ll stay here, where time is frozen and…and nothing hurts. Maybe it can be you and me, forever, like this.”  
  
The idea was certainly attractive. No Tree to care for, no roads to walk, no future generation to think about. Just the two of them, loving each other, lost in each other…  
  
Lost.  
  
Jongdae shook himself out of his thoughts. No, they couldn’t do that. Not just yet anyway. Maybe far in the future, when there were more Guardians and the dark force on their home planet had been done away with for good. But now they had their brothers, they had a job to do. This was not the time to think about abandoning their roles. However it didn’t mean that this dream was unattainable, it would just take some time. And they had quite a bit of time to be together.  
  
Jongdae managed to doze for a while, and when he woke up sweating in the hot house and feeling gross with sweat and other bodily fluids, he nudged Jongin up and into the shower, and then they gathered all their things together (they had to cut down on their shell collection—it wasn’t easy having to carry all their possessions on their backs). It was time to say goodbye to their honeymoon.  
  
Jongdae went to the window that overlooked the beach, etching the scenery into his head. Jongin came up behind him and wrapped his arms around his waist, resting his chin on his shoulder.  
  
“We’ll come back someday,” Jongin said. “This place is too beautiful not to revisit.”  
  
Jongdae hummed in approval and clasped Jongin’s hand. “I want to show you something,” he said. “Look right out in front of you.” Jongdae focused on a spot on the sand, and then he gathered his energy, feeling the air around them crackle. A lightning bolt flashed down from the sky, hitting a spot on the sand.  
  
Jongin gasped, “That was…beautiful…” Jongdae so rarely displayed his gift outside of a lightning storm.  
  
Jongdae grinned. “Wait until you see what it made.”  
  
“Huh?”  
  
After a little while, Jongdae led Jongin outside and onto the beach, over to where the lightning had hit. He brushed the sand aside to reveal a tube-shaped object.  
  
“What is it?” Jongin asked as Jongdae held it up. It was hollow, about six inches long, almost pink in color, with many branch-like structures bursting out of the center.  
  
“It’s called fulgurite,” Jongdae explained. “Also known as petrified lightning. It’s what happens when lightning strikes sand, fusing the metals in it together. I’ve only done this once before, but I thought that this might be a nice keepsake of our time together.”  
  
He held out to Jongin, who took it gingerly. “It’s not going to break,” Jongdae assured. “This thing is strong, it will stand the test of being hauled all over this planet.”  
  
“Kind of like us,” Jongin said.  
  
“Except we’re much prettier,” Jongdae corrected, and Jongin laughed so hard he nearly fell over.  
  
“Okay,” Jongin gasped when he caught his breath. “Shall we go home?”  
  


* * *

  
  
“About time!” Sehun cried when Jongin and Jongdae reappeared before him. The group had camped out in a large house while they waited for the return of the newlyweds, and Sehun was the only one in the front hall at the time. “We were beginning to wonder if you were ever coming back,” he continued, giving them a hard look.  
  
“Of course we were coming back!” Jongin cried, nearly crushing his oldest friend in a tight hug. “We’ll never leave you guys!”  
  
“I HEAR CHEN AND KAI!!” They heard Kyungsoo shout, and in a few seconds he was skidding into the doorway. Upon seeing them he shrieked with glee. “YOU’RE BACK! GUYS, THEY’RE BACK!”  
  
Jongdae braced himself for the onslaught of hugs and welcome greetings, and Jongin leaned over to whisper, with a smile on his face, “Yeah, I definitely missed this.”


	40. The God Gene I

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yixing/Lay-centric  
> Continuity:Takes place after every other chapter except Chapter 8. In fact following this chapter, everything else happens sequentially unless otherwise specified.  
> WARNING:Mentions of death

If there’s one thing Yixing would never get used to seeing, it’s death.

He was so happy when he found out what his affinity was—he could give life, he could heal. He could see it all in his head, he would be able to save so many people, so many sick and broken people. He’d always known that he was good at making people feel better. His mother was so clumsy, she used to always cut her fingers when she made dinner. Even as an infant, Yixing would kiss her cuts to make them all better, just as she would do for him. His father didn’t approve, said Yixing belonged in the barn, not in the kitchen. Yixing hated going out to the barn though…he knew his father had to kill some animals. They mostly owned dairy cows and hens for eggs, but he’d never forgotten when he was three and accidentally saw his father kill a young calf—it was sick, it would have died anyway, but of course that didn’t matter to Yixing. He had started screaming, ran back to the house and collapsed in his mother’s arms.

Yixing heard his brothers talk about their mothers. To hear it from them, their mothers didn’t love them at all. But Yixing’s mother loved him so much. When he ran into the kitchen crying about the calf, his mother held him for hours until he stopped crying. Even when his father came in and asked for dinner, his mother snapped that it would have to wait. Ever since that day he’d stayed far away from the barn. He became a vegetarian for a while, until he almost fainted from malnutrition. Vegetables weren’t filling enough for a four year old. So he just never ate beef, but that was okay—his mom made sure he had choices.

Once he’d gone with his mother to retrieve the eggs from the hen house. He asked her if she thought that the mother hens knew they were supposed to have babies, and if they were sad when the babies never showed up. He’d looked up to find her a little teary-eyed, and she didn’t answer him. For some reason, that question and her lack of an answer stuck with him. She had always answered his questions.

Yixing had been so sad to leave for the Sanctuary. He cried for days, only stopping when his mother took him aside and told him that from now on, he would be with kids who were like him. He wouldn’t be lonely anymore, he would have people who would understand him better than even she could. She made Yixing promise not to miss her too much, and to instead think of the kids he would meet as his new family.

When his name was changed to Lay he was so upset. Bad enough that it had been done by people who had never met him before, who had told him about it in a letter and named him after someone he didn’t know, but Yixing felt like he was being stripped of the last thing he had of his family. His mother had chosen that name for him, who were these people to take it away from him? But Lu Han reminded him that a name only said so much about a person, and it was what was on the inside that counted most of all. It was just what his mother would have said. Even so, Lay became a kind of mask that Yixing could put on and take off at will. Lay was calmer, he knew what he was doing. Lay wouldn’t miss his mother, because he didn’t have a mother to miss. Most of the time, Lay only became Yixing at night when he just couldn’t hold the tears in any longer.

* * *

When he was twelve years old, he got a letter from home. His mother was sick and wanted to see him. At that very moment the ‘Lay’ persona he had created disintegrated. Yixing threw a fit and swore that he would cry nonstop until the Masters at the sanctuary let him go, and he cried for five hours straight until they relented. He was on a train that night, and he made it back two days later. His mother was so pale, and her eyes were bloodshot. Yixing had taken her hand and told her that he could make her feel better, he could heal her. But she stopped him, she said that it was too late.

“Mama, don’t say that,” he sobbed.

She touched his cheek gently. “My handsome boy,” she whispered. “You’re a Guardian now…they call you Lay, am I right?”

He nodded. “I want you to stay mama,” he hiccuped. “I want you to be proud of me.”

“I am so proud of you already,” she said, starting to cry as well. “But darling I have to confess something…I’m not your real mother.”

Yixing would have fainted if his father hadn’t walked in at that precise moment. Yixing stood up from the bed and yelled, demanding to know why his mother was saying crazy things. His father picked him up and carried him outside.

“Don’t yell in front of her,” he growled when he deposited Yixing on the front yard. “She’s upset enough as it is.”

“What is she talking about?!” Yixing screamed. “She said she wasn’t my mother!”

“And she’s not! She pretended to be, we all pretended.”

“What are you saying?” He cried.

“Yixing your real mother abandoned you!” His father yelled. “She left you—us, in the middle of the night. I haven’t seen her in years.”

Yixing was floored. “You’re lying,” he said. “That can’t be true…and if it is then who is she?” He cried, pointing back at the house. “And why have you lied to me?”

“She’s my sister,” his father said shortly. “Your Aunt. Don’t give me that look, haven’t you noticed that we sleep in different rooms? Have you ever seen me kiss her besides on the cheek?”

Yixing’s head spun. His mother…his “mother” was his aunt? “I don’t understand,” he said weakly.

His father sighed and rubbed his face. “By the Tree, Yixing. Do you think I could have raised you by myself? I was working the fields, you were six months old. I wrote to Xiu Lin and asked her to come help me and…” he sighed again. “She couldn’t have children. Something’s wrong with her…she never thought she’d hear someone call her mama…but you did. It was the first word you’d ever said. You looked right at her and called her mama. She was so happy…she just went with it. I don’t know, sometimes I think she really thought that you were her flesh and blood.”

“I am!” Yixing screamed. “Even if she is my aunt, we’re still related! And I still think she’s my mother! She cares about me, she loves me! That’s more than you ever did…that’s more than anyone ever did!” He was screeching by that point, so loudly that he thought his throat was tearing apart. His father was looking at him in shock. “Admit it! You don’t care about me! you don’t love me at all—I wish you’d let me die when my mom abandoned me, then! Why didn’t you? You’re all the same! You don’t care about us!”

“Yixing stop it!” His father yelled.

Yixing swung his arm out, trying to land a punch to his father’s jaw, but it was easily blocked. His father grabbed both of his wrists and held him as he thrashed, trying to get away. “Let go! Don’t touch me, don’t ever touch me again!”

“Yixing, please calm down!”

Yixing froze and stared up at his father, his jaw hanging. It was the first time he could remember his father saying ‘please’ to him. For a moment they just stood still, and slowly the grip on Yixing’s wrists loosened. Yixing started to cry harder, and he shook his head.

“Why don’t you love me?” He asked before dissolving into sobs and throwing his arms around his father’s waist. He kept his eyes closed, he didn’t want to know if his father was shocked by the hug. Yixing wanted so badly for his father to hug him back. He felt a hand on his shoulder.

“I’m sorry, son. I just don’t…”

Yixing realized what he was doing and he stopped, stepping back. He kept his eyes down. “You don’t feel like I’m yours?” He asked, wiping his face on his sleeve. He didn’t get an answer, but he didn’t need one. He went back inside to say goodbye to his mother—she was his mother, no matter what anyone said—and then he left to go home. By the time he got back to the sanctuary his Lay persona was firmly back in place, and he never told anyone the truth about his ‘mother’. She didn’t die. He got a letter a week later saying that she got better. Of course she did, that was because Lay healed her as he said goodbye. He would often think back to that, about how he disrespected her wishes for his own selfish ones. He just wanted to know that there was someone out there besides the other Guardians who loved him.

* * *

Now on a new world, Lay gazed up at the stars and wondered what had become of his twisted family. His pseudo-mother was probably dead. Everyone they knew was probably dead. It had been a sixty years since they last saw their relatives, they’re probably buried in the earth…

He took a deep breath. Lay didn’t think about that kind of thing. Lay thought about life and reasons to live. Yixing was the one who thought about death. Lay acknowledged it, knew that it happened, but he focused on the life. It wasn’t always easy when three times a week they would come across the rotting carcass of some poor animal on the side of a road, dead from dehydration and malnourishment. Once they came into a house and found the skeleton of the previous inhabitant. Lay had fainted when he saw it, freaked out beyond words to see death in a human. The world was healing, Lay could feel it even if Kyungsoo couldn’t, but that didn’t mean that death wasn’t around every turn. Lay did his best to block it out, running around madly and bringing flowers back to life every chance he got. Even after Kyungsoo told him that they would only die again, he still thought it was worth it to bring them back for a little while.

It was odd—Lay could bring back dead plants without a problem, all Guardians who had been gifted with Healing could, but there wasn’t a single one who could restore life to an animal or human. It had been said that it was because animals and humans had something more—personality, real intelligence, the ability to think and eat and live according to choice. A flower didn’t choose to bloom, but a bird could choose to fly to another branch and a human being could chose everything from clothing to food to occupation, and that was because of something undefinable and immaterial. No Guardian was strong enough to bring back a creature of choice, as they had come to be called.

“Lay!”

He was startled out of a daze and quickly stood up—too quickly, he nearly fell over. “What?!” Lay gaped, turning around to find Kyungsoo looking at him oddly. The rest of the group was off doing their own thing while Kris and Suho pondered over a map. At least they weren’t arguing yet.

“I asked you three times if you wanted some water,” Kyungsoo said, holding up a water bottle. Lay took it with a muttered thanks and a nervous smile. He drank too much too quickly and almost choked.

“Are you feeling okay?” Kyungsoo asked. “You’ve been acting weird lately.”

‘ _Only since you gave up your gift_ ,’ Lay corrected in his head, but he only grinned. “I’m just thinking,” he said. Patting Kyungsoo’s head.

“That’s a dangerous past time for you, Lay,” Chen laughed. “You’ll set your head on fire if you work too hard.”

Lay snorted and threatened to throw the uncapped water bottle at Chen’s head. When the attention shifted away from him, he lapsed back into silence. Kyungsoo’s rant on the deadness of the planet had made him start to think. Was there a point to life if it all led to the same end? A Guardian was the only being who could live forever, so what did that mean for ordinary humans? What was their goal in life? To breed more humans who would eventually die as well? It made his head hurt, he didn’t like thinking about it but he couldn’t stop.

Confused and upset, Lay wandered over to where Kris and Suho were still debating over the map. It sounded like they were going to start arguing soon, and Lay rather though Tao should have done something about it but he was staying far, far away from them. Lay interrupted Kris in the middle of a sentence by hanging off of his arm.

“I’m going for a walk over there,” he said, waving off to the side of the road, where a forest had run untamed. “Call me when you decide where to go, okay?”

Kris ruffled his hair. “Sure thing, kid,” he said with a smile before turning back to the task at hand.

Lay fixed his bangs as he walked away. His hair was getting longer, he needed to cut it. He thought about cutting it super short, maybe even shaving it off. He wanted to change something about himself, something obvious. He hadn’t gone far from the group before he flopped down on a log and stared up at the sky. He didn’t feel right. He felt antsy and wrong, like he didn’t belong in his own body anymore. It was driving him insane, this itch under his skin that made him want to shave his hair or wear a dress or draw on his own face…anything to change who he was.

With a groan Lay rolled off his log and laid on the ground, feeling the hum of life under his fingertips. It was faint, but present. He flexed his fingers in the dirt, trying to identify the source. It was small, definitely not one of his brothers, but bigger than a bug or a mouse. What was it that he was feeling? Just as Lay got a feel for where the energy was coming from, it cut off. In a panic he leapt to his feet and started to run in the direction of the energy. It wasn’t too far away, he knew he was getting close…had he just run past it?

Confused, Lay skidded to a halt. Where had it been coming from? He walked back slowly, keeping his eyes on the ground, and then he saw it.

“Oh _no_ ,” Lay whimpered as he knelt down. It was a kitten—only a few weeks old and a few minutes dead. The poor thing was emaciated and dirty, had probably been on its own for a few weeks.

Lay saw dead animals all the time, but seeing one so young and at a time when he was already feeling emotional…it was the worst thing that could have happened to him at that moment. He started to cry and didn’t even bother to hold back his sobs. Who could hear him? Not his brothers, he was too far away from them, and not this poor little dead kitten.

“I’m sorry,” Lay cried, reaching out to stroke the creature’s dirty fur. It was curled up on its side, and Lay wondered if it had been cold despite the warmer temperatures. If only they’d come through this part of the city sooner…if he had just been a few minutes earlier…

“I could have saved you,” Lay gasped as he started to cry harder. “Poor little thing, I could have saved you! Oh I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry that you died alone and hungry and scared…”

It just wasn’t fair, Lay though as he picked up the little thing and cradled it’s body to his chest. This poor little animal hadn’t deserved to die, it wouldn’t have died if it had been fed and loved. It was such a preventable death, it didn’t need to happen, it didn’t…what the hell…

Lay almost threw the kitten aside, stopping himself just in time. He swallowed nervously and pressed his fingers against the kitten’s thin chest. Was that…a heartbeat? And come to think of it…hadn’t that kitten felt a whole lot thinner two seconds ago.

Lay pulled the kitten’s body way from his chest and looked down. It was cleaner, fatter, and as he watched it’s chest began to rise and fall and it began to stir.

“IN THE NAME OF THE TREE!” Lay screamed as he dropped the kitten—good thing he was so close to the ground—and skittered away. The second the kitten hit the floor it opened its eyes and let out an affronted meow, glaring up at Lay. After a brief moment it picked itself up and padded over to paw at Lay’s shoe.

“Get away from me!” Lay yelped, crawling backwards. “You…you go away! I’m dreaming, I’m dreaming!” He slapped his face, closed his eyes and pinched his arm so hard he yelped. When he opened his eyes the kitten was still there.

Lay heard a faint crashing from a few feet away. “Lay?” Chanyeol called. “Is that you? I heard a shout…it must have been you…we’re leaving—oh here you are!” Chanyeol said brightly as he peered around a large tree. His jaw dropped. “A KITTEN!” He cried, rushing forward and scooping it up.

“Don’t—” Lay gasped, but Chanyeol wasn’t listening, he was cooing over the kitten.

“What a cutie! Oh she’s so sweet, where did you find her?! Come on baby, let’s go show you off to everyone!” And he walked off, leaving Lay still sitting on the forest floor clutching his chest.

Nobody else came to look for him. Nobody saw as Lay began to laugh hysterically, his giggles eventually morphing into sobs that left his throat raw. He’d never been so scared before in his life. He had brought a creature of choice back to life. That shouldn’t have happened—there was no way it could have happened. There had never been a Healer that strong, there would never be a healer that strong. It was impossible. That kitten had been dead. It should still be dead. But it wasn’t anymore. And it was because of Lay.

Lay pulled his hands away from his chest and stared at them in shock.

“What have I done?”

 _I played God_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original notes: 
> 
> This is part one of a multi-chapter exploration of the power that the Guardians possess and what happens as they become aware of it. It’ll be a lot like the Crossroads of Hope series but much darker, so be prepared. Also I debated having Lay be the one to discover his new advanced power first but...IDK this just seemed like the most logical way to do it? I've known from the very first chapter that eventually the kids were going to discover that they were stronger, for a while I thought I'd have Kris sneeze and breathe fire by accident but that just seemed to silly for such a heavy topic. I really think the morality of playing God was a good way to dive into this topic. It's not like I have many other options, as you can see from the drabbles the kids haven't been using their powers much lately.
> 
> Also it kills me to type out Yixing's name as Lay. Dumbest stage name ever TBQH.
> 
> (for more on the god gene:http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_God_Gene)
> 
> New notes:  
> This is my favorite arc in the continuation.


	41. The God Gene II

Lay had always been a very calm person, and Chen had often teased him by saying that Lay doesn’t have the energy to get worked up about anything—his name sounded a lot like the Southern pronunciation of the word “tired”—and even going so far as to tease that Lay was too tired to even think most days. He certainly did seem to have his head in the clouds more often than not, and they sometimes had to call his name several times before he answered.

Lately though, Lay had been getting even more spacy. Everyone noticed it, even if they hadn’t called him out on it. It seemed to have happened around the same time that Chanyeol had come out of the woods with a kitten cradled in his arms. He said that Lay had found it, however once Lay had come out of the woods (a long time after) he had denied any knowledge of the kitten’s whereabouts. In fact he refused to look at the creature for more than five seconds at a time, which was almost comical because the kitten seemed determined to follow him. Baekhyun had even asked if Lay was afraid of cats, but that had never seemed to be the case.

Not long after this behavior started Lay exploded—or exploded relative to his normal behavior—for seemingly no reason. The twelve of them were sitting by the side of the road for a lunch break. Lay seemed to be in a daze, and when Xiumin called his name a few times he stood up, knocking his bag off his lap, and glared at everyone.

“Don’t call me that,” he demanded through clenched teeth.

“Don’t call you what?” Suho asked. “Your name?”

“My name is Yixing!” He yelled, whirling on Suho. “I don’t know who Lay is, I’ve never known who Lay is and I don’t want to be Lay anymore!” Then he crumpled to the floor, his head in his hands, and started to cry.

Lu Han was the first to react, getting up and going over to comfort him. “Do you want us to call you Yixing?” After a nod from their fallen companion, Lu Han went on to say “Alright, then we’ll call you Yixing.”

It took some getting used to, every now and then someone would forget and start to say ‘Lay,’ and they’d instantly correct themselves. But even the change in his name didn’t seem to make Yixing feel any better. He had dark circles under his eyes and was even more distracted, and he seemed to be losing weight. Kyungsoo had half a mind to corner Yixing and demand to know what was wrong with him, since it seemed like nobody else was going to call him out on his weird behavior, but he never got a chance.

After about a month of the onset of the odd behavior the twelve of them stopped for a long rest in an old apartment building and on the very first night as Kyungsoo was walking down the hall to his room, Yixing ran up out of nowhere and yanked him into an abandoned room. Kyungsoo was no stranger to being snuck up on—he was very easy to surprise now that his gift had been blocked and he wasn’t supersensitive to vibrations in the ground—but he didn’t appreciate being manhandled into a room without any notice.

“What the heck is the matter with you?” Kyungsoo demanded when Yixing released him. Yixing didn’t get an answer right away, he turned around and locked the door. “What did you do that for?” Kyungsoo asked.

“I don’t want anyone coming in,” Yixing explained in a small voice. His shoulders were a little hunched and he kept his head down. He looked so upset that Kyungsoo instantly forgave him for essentially kidnapping him on his way to bed.

“I’m not sure if I should tell you this,” Yixing began, twisting his fingers into his shirt, “But I thought that maybe you could sympathize with me, since you know what…what death feels like…” Kyungsoo gasped in shock but was ignored. “And I know we’ve…never been especially close but I think we’re really not so different and you seem like you won’t judge me or hate me for what I did…and I really don’t want to tell Suho or Kris, I don’t really want to tell anyone but I can’t—I just can’t keep it to myself anymore, it’s driving me crazy…”

“Yixing!” Kyungsoo cried, “Your rambling is scaring me! what on earth are you talking about?”

Yixing swallowed nervously. “Maybe you should sit down…”

So Kyungsoo huffed and walked into the apartment, taking a seat on the worn-out couch. “Now just talk to me,” he pleaded as Yixing sat next to him, his butt perched on the very end of the couch. “Whatever it is I promise I won’t judge you or be upset.”

Yixing laughed hollowly. “You say that now, you don’t know what kind of a monster I am.”

Kyungsoo gasped again. “Yixing!” He scolded, “Don’t say that about yourself!”

Yixing didn’t seem to hear him. He doubled over, his face buried in his knees. “I’m really scared, Kyungsoo…” he whimpered. “I don’t know how I did it but I…” He sat up and looked at Kyungsoo with tears in his eyes. “That kitten, the one that Chanyeol came back with, um…I did find her but…but she was dead when I found her.”

Kyungsoo’s mind went blank. “What?”

Yixing stood up once more and began to pace. “I was lying down,” he said, talking very quickly, “I was trying to feel for signs of life and I got a faint feeling, and then it disappeared and I chased after it and I found the kitten and…and she had just died, she was so thin and dirty and I was so upset because if I had gotten there sooner I could have saved her, and I picked her up and I hugged her and then after a while I felt her heart start to beat again! But that shouldn’t have happened, she was absolutely one hundred percent dead there’s no way her heart just randomly started again…it was me, I know it was. I brought her back to life and there’s no way I should have even been strong enough to do it never mind that I just broke the most fundamental law of Healing and that’s that you should NEVER EVER bring a creature of choice back to life…Kyungsoo say something!!”

Kyungsoo was startled out of his daze. “Well you were talking too fast for me to say anything!” He exploded, and Yixing flinched away from him. “I’m sorry,” Kyungsoo said immediately, using a softer tone. “I’m not mad at you. Yixing, come sit down, okay?”

Yixing obeyed but only hesitantly, and once he was seated Kyungsoo took his hands. “Now I want you to be honest with me,” he said firmly, keeping calm even though his head was spinning, “Did you pick up that kitten’s body with the intention of bringing her back to life?”

Yixing shook his head, his eyes wide with fright. “No way! I’ve never even thought about doing something like that, I never imagined…” he trailed off and his eyes seemed to get even wider. “I didn’t…I didn’t mean to…”

“Exactly,” Kyungsoo said quickly, "You had no intention of bringing this animal back to life, so technically you didn’t break any laws. It was an accident.”

“But it still happened because of me,” Yixing muttered. “I did something unnatural, immoral even…”

“It’s a kitten for the Tree’s sake! And it was only a few seconds dead, doctors bring back people who have been dead longer than that. In my town there was a man who was pulled out of the water after he’d been under for five minutes, and a doctor brought him back to life!”

“Dead is dead,” Yixing snapped.

“Clearly not,” Kyungsoo retorted, “Or else we wouldn’t be having this conversation.”

That seemed to strike a chord. “You’re right,” Yixing said.

Kyungsoo couldn't help but be confused by the abrupt flip. “I am?”

“Yes,” Yixing said, looking astounded. “Maybe death is curable…at a certain point at least. That kitten…her body was fine, if she’d been eating properly she wouldn’t have died, and I…I did something that restored her body to a healthy state. Maybe what I did…maybe I didn’t so much reverse her death as I did prevent it.”

Kyungsoo was still confused. “So what, you can reverse time now?”

Yixing shook his head, “No, I can prevent death. I mean, I can cure horrible diseases, I even brought my mother back from the brink of death…no, I prevented my mother’s death! Death is preventable up to a certain point after all. We prevent death with medicine and food and water and rest. I’m not talking about people who have been dead for days, not to the point where their body has already begun to decay, I think that’s the point where I would be reversing time. But if it’s only been a few minutes…” He trailed off, looking thoughtful.

After a moment of silence, Kyungsoo started to talk again. “Okay, you seem to have worked that out. I’m not sure what you mean but if it works for you, great. Just…don’t go digging up corpses and testing that out, okay? In fact just…don’t touch anymore dead things until we figure this out.”

Yixing gave Kyungsoo a shocked look. “But I’ve touched dead things before!” He said. “I’ve come across dead animals as late as five years ago and this didn’t happen!”

The wheels began to turn in Kyungsoo’s head once more. “So are you saying that this is a recent development?” Yixing nodded, and only then did Kyungsoo begin to really get worried. “So basically what happened,” he said slowly, trying to keep calm, “Is that you got stronger without even knowing it? To the point where this ability of yours to prevent death even after it’s happened just made itself known without you even trying?!”

Yixing looked shocked once again. “Oh, well when you put it like that…”

Kyungsoo jumped up. “You have to tell Suho.”

“No way!” Yixing screamed, grabbing Kyungsoo’s arm and yanking him back down. “He’s with Tao and Kris right now, there’s no way I’m interrupting that!”

“You think this isn’t important?!” Kyungsoo cried. “What if it’s happened to all of us?!”

“We don’t know that! We don’t even know if there’s anything to tell him! Maybe I’ve actually been able to do this all along, it’s not like I ever tried—”

“You just said you weren’t trying!”

“I wasn’t! but maybe it was a combination of stress and emotions and I subconsciously stopped repressing myself—”

“We need to test this out,” Kyungsoo interrupted. “We need to see if we’ve actually gotten stronger.” Yixing looked at him expectantly and Kyungsoo almost slapped him. “Not me you dummy, I don’t have my gift right now!”

“So who are you going to ask?” Yixing demanded. “Everybody’s coupled off!”

Kyungsoo rolled his eyes. “Nice of you to remember Xiumin.”

Yixing had the decency to blush. “Oh…yeah. But um…you explain this to him. I’m not…I can’t.”

Kyungsoo sighed but went off by himself to fetch their older friend. After he told Xiumin what Yixing had done and managed to get out some convoluted summary of what Yixing had said about preventing death, Xiumin seemed not to be freaked out by the idea. It was only after Kyungsoo explained his own realization of their strengthening power that Xiumin leapt up off his bed with wide eyes and gasped that they needed to tell someone. The Kyungsoo had to hold him back and tell him that Yixing thought they should test the theory first, and Xiumin looked a little incredulous but agreed to be their guinea pig, so Kyungsoo proceeded to drag him up to the room that Yixing had previously herded him into.

When Kyungsoo and Xiumin walked in Yixing actually started to cry and asked Xiumin if he thought he was a monster. Kyungsoo realized that this was probably going to happen each time they told the story and resigned himself to having to watch Yixing suffer because of what he’d done. Even if he could justify it, there was after all, no guarantee that everyone would see it his way and until Yixing had absolute proof that his brothers didn’t hate him, he would be convinced that they did. Of course Xiumin did not think Yixing was a monster and told him so, wrapping Yixing up in a hug until he stopped crying. It was hard to watch and Kyungsoo knew it wasn’t half what Yixing must have felt.

Once Yixing calmed down though, it was time to start their test.

“So what should I do?” Xiumin asked.

“Freeze something?” Kyungsoo suggested.

“Like what? Everything in here is pretty easy to freeze.”

“So freeze the whole room!” Yixing cried, his voice still thick with tears. Xiumin paused to make him blow his nose before he answered.

“I’m not freezing the whole room, I’ll kill us,” he said bluntly. “You don’t want all the moisture sucked out of the air at once. Don’t you know how my gift works?”

“Not exactly,” Yixing mumbled.

Xiumin sighed. “I’m not like Suho, I can freeze the water in the air but…like I can’t make a snowball in my palm. I have to start with a shape, to make a snowball I’d basically have to freeze one molecule at a time until I have a shape, and that’s just too small of a scale to work with.” He put his fingertips to a lamp and as Kyungsoo and Yixing watched, a film of frost formed over it. “What I just did was freeze the water in the air around the lamp, and it was easy because I had a shape to work with, something I could visualize freezing. Now to create frost, I pretty much have to pull water from the air and freeze it, and again it helps to have a shape to focus on so that I don’t pull water from just anywhere in the room. Do you remember when I first started learning to use my gift, sometimes it would snow on my head? That’s because I wasn’t focusing on where the water was coming from. And I can’t concentrate enough water in the air to make a large mass of ice. Suho can make a large mass of water, but he has it easier because he’s not converting that water to a different state.”

Kyungsoo’s head was spinning from all this explanation of the physical and moral limitations on gifts, but he understood. It was the same for him, he could move earth but he had touch it in order to do so. He could send tremors out in the ground and make an earthquake—as long as his body remained in contact with the ground. And he could move a large boulder, but if he pushed it down a hill then once it left his grasp he had no control over it. But maybe if he was more powerful, that could change…and suddenly Kyungsoo knew how to test Xiumin’s gift.

He ran to their window and looked out. The sun was getting low in the sky, but it wasn’t quite sunset yet. There was a line of trees about twenty yards away, and one of the trees was bare and craggy looking. Kyungsoo gestured Xiumin over and pointed to the tree. “Freeze that tree.”

Xiumin laughed at him. “Are you nuts? I can’t freeze something I can’t touch!”

“That you know of,” Kyungsoo amended. “Have you tried lately?”

Xiumin opened his mouth, closed it and then scowled. “Alright fine, but I really don’t think I can.”

He stared out the window, focusing intently on the tree. His knuckles went white as he gripped the window sill, his forehead pressed against the glass. After only a few minutes, Kyungsoo noticed that the tree was beginning to sparkle, and he realized that it was frost reflecting in the sunlight. He clapped a hand to his mouth to muffle his gasp of surprise, and he blinked and suddenly the tree was covered in a thick layer of ice. Kyungsoo slowly turned his head and saw Xiumin staring dumbstruck out the window, his jaw hanging open.

“Well,” Yixing said weakly, “I guess Kyungsoo was right, we are super powerful.”

Xiumin backed away from the window. “I need to go out there,” he said, and then he bolted from the room, Kyungsoo and Yixing hot on his heels.

When they got outside Xiumin approached the tree slowly, as though afraid it would come to life and attack him. “This is incredible,” he breathed. “I’ve never made a frost that thick before…not even on something I could touch.” He pressed his palm against the frozen tree and after a few seconds his eyes went wide and he leapt back with a scream.

“What?!” Kyungsoo yelped as he and Yixing jumped.

Xiumin had his hands clasped over his mouth, and it was a moment before he pulled them away. “I-it’s frozen s-solid,” he stammered. “I f-froze it completely through…I’ve never, _ever_ done that before! Not on this kind of scale!”

“You barely even broke a sweat,” Yixing gasped. “Xiumin, once you got started…I mean that was really fast!”

“I think I froze it from the inside first,” Xiumin said wonderingly. “I knew I was doing something but I couldn’t see it, so I focused even more and that’s when it froze on the outside too…” Xiumin looked toward the other trees, and his gaze narrowed. As Kyungsoo and Yixing watched in awe, he froze ten trees in a span of about a minute, one after the other. “They aren’t frozen through,” he muttered when he was done. “But even so…”

“That’s fucking insane,” Kyungsoo blurted. “There’s no way you could have done that before.”

The three of them lapsed into a stunned silence for a good ten minutes before Kyungsoo finally turned to Yixing. “So,” he said haughtily, “Now can we go tell Kris and Suho about this?”


	42. The God Gene III

Xiumin thought Yixing might actually die of a heart attack if Suho or Kris didn’t say something soon. He was sitting on their bed with his knees drawn up to his chest looking like a child expecting a harsh scolding, and he didn’t deserve to feel like that—he’d done nothing wrong. As it was though, Suho and Kris were a little too stunned to be of much help. They were staring at Kyungsoo as if he’d grown a second head.

“So…” Kris said at last, “Can you…go over that again?”

Xiumin growled under his breath. “For the love of the Tree!” He snapped, pointing at Yixing, “I think you have bigger problems—worry about understanding how you missed this _after_ you tell Yixing that he’s not in trouble.”

“What?” Suho gasped, finally looking at Yixing. “Why do you think you’re in trouble?!”

Kyungsoo rolled his eyes. “Did you miss the part where he brought a kitten back to life?”

Kris gave Yixing a shocked look. “I think we have bigger problems to worry about than a kitten you accidentally saved, Xing-xing.”

Yixing’s lower lip quivered and he started to cry. “I shouldn’t have done it…”

“Are you going to break down in tears every time we tell this story?” Kyungsoo sighed.

Kris went from utterly shocked to caring leader in under .5 seconds flat, hastily moving to sit next to Yixing and put an arm around his shoulder. “Xing, you did nothing wrong,” he said as Yixing started sobbing.

“I never want to do that again,” he gasped. “I was so scared, I didn’t know what would happen, I thought I’d created a monster—I thought…I thought she would be like a robot, that she wouldn’t have a soul…it was so awful…” he buried his face in Kris’ shoulder and sobbed even harder.

“But that didn’t happen,” Kris reminded him, rubbing his back soothingly. “Chanyeol’s been taking great care of her, she’s a good kitten. Yixing, it’s not like you did this on purpose or even with any malicious intent—you were upset and emotional, and if you want to blame someone then you can blame me. I shouldn’t have let you go off into the forest by yourself, I should have seen that you were hurting.”

But Yixing shook his head. “No, I can’t blame you! You have your own problems, you can’t watch all of us all the time…”

“We’re not here to play the blame game!” Kyungsoo exploded, making everyone jump. “We’re here to talk about this influx of power and how it’s going to affect us!”

Suho looked around the room. Tao had been sent out, and it was just the five of them in the room. “Can we keep this between us?”

Kris gaped at him over Yixing’s head. “What, you want to lie to everyone?”

“It’s not lying,” Suho argued, “We’re just not telling them something.”

“That’s dumb,” Xiumin said. “They need to know—before they find out on their own and freak out like Yixing did.”

“How is that going to happen though?” Yixing asked in a small voice. “Nobody noticed it yet.”

“How could we not notice?” Suho muttered, starting to pace around the room. “How could we not feel ourselves getting stronger? We all felt it when we reached Maturity, why didn’t we feel this?”

“It’s probably been building up for a long time,” Xiumin mused, “We’ve also not really been using our abilities like we used to, we’re not pushing ourselves, we have no reason to.”

“Or had,” Kris muttered.

“What _had?”_ Kyungsoo asked, eyes narrowing. “What are we going to do now? Get Kai to teleport us everywhere? Have Xiumin create snow when we’re too hot?”

“We should start training again,” Kris said excitedly, forgetting that he had his arms full of Yixing and trying to stand up. He realized halfway through that Yixing was all dead weight and flopped back on the bed, but his enthusiasm didn’t waver. “If we’re getting stronger, it must mean that we’re getting closer to being able to fight off the Darkness!”

Suho’s eyes widened and he nodded. “The Tree did say that we were one of the most powerful generations in history…the marks that you and Chanyeol have are evidence of that!”

“Exactly!” Kris said, “Maybe we can beat it on our own. Maybe we don’t need to wait for another generation, maybe…”

“Maybe you need to hold your horses,” Kyungsoo said coldly, “And think for one second about what you’re saying.”

A tense silence fell over the five of them, broken only by Yixing’s sniffles.

“What are you talking about?” Kris asked at last. “This is our job, Kyungsoo…”

“I know,” Kyungsoo snapped. “But you’re going off on your own little hero speech and meanwhile there’s seven other people out there who have no idea about what’s happening to them!”

Kris’ eyes narrowed at ‘hero speech’ but he didn’t comment on it. “Alright, fair point. Looks like we have to call a group meeting.”

“Leave me out of it!” Yixing begged, “I don’t want to see their faces when…I can’t do this again, I just can’t!”

“Don’t be a baby,” Kyungsoo said, “For the Tree’s sake Yixing, we all love you and we know you didn’t do anything wrong, stop being a whiny little kid!”

“Hey!” Kris yelled, pinning Kyungsoo with a glare. “Don’t you talk to him that way, I think you need to remember how caring Yixing was to you when your powers were first repressed.”

“This is different!” Kyungsoo screamed. “Don’t you realize what this means for us? Don’t you see that we have bigger problems to think about?! It’s not just Yixing who’s playing God you know, it’s all of us!”

An uncomfortable silence fell as everyone realized that he was right. This kind of power would come with a price, even though they didn’t know what that price might be.

Kris and Suho gathered everyone together to give them the news. Everyone reacted differently—Lu Han barely showed any emotion, Sehun looked like he’d just seen a god, Kai grabbed hold of Chen and hugged him very tightly, burying his face in his husband’s neck, and Chanyeol, Tao and Baekhyun just looked confused.

“How did this happen?” Baekhyun asked over and over. “How did we not know?”

Chanyeol suddenly leapt up. “Everybody stand back,” he said, rolling up his sleeves, “I’m going to try—”

“No way!” Kris yelled at once. Everyone fell silent (not that they had been talking much) but Kris continued to shout. “Nobody is trying anything right now, do you understand me?! This is a whole new ballpark, we don’t know what the hell we’re dealing with! The last thing we need is someone accidentally setting off an explosion, creating a massive tornado, flipping everything upside down or blinding us all! Got it?”

Everyone nodded quickly.

“We’re going to do this slowly and carefully,” Kris said, his voice slightly lower but no less fierce. “We have no teachers and no experience to go on, so we need to be very, very careful about how we use our Gifts from here on out. We don’t want any accidents.”

“And we don’t want any misunderstandings like the one Yixing had,” Suho added, nodding to where Yixing was curled up on the ground, desperately trying to avoid looking at the kitten that was pawing continuously at his leg.

As the days went on there was a new unrest in the group. People were too quiet or too loud, everyone seemed to be too snappy or too clingy, with no in between. Sometimes they could barely look at one another, sometimes they all forwent splitting off at night and slept together under one roof, piled together in the largest room they could find. Everyone was getting whiplash and nobody could figure out what exactly was wrong—or if they knew, they weren’t saying it.

* * *

Xiumin didn’t realize what was wrong until a few weeks later. They were staying in a small city and one night they decided to cook outside. They were near a river, and it allowed Suho to practice his gift—he was actually able to trap fish in spheres of water and bring them to the shore. They all got stick and cooked the fish over the fire, sitting in a circle in the dirt and watching the sun go down. It would have been nice, but there was that lingering tension that set them all on edge. Just as the sun was about to set, Kai stood up and asked Chen to go for a walk with him. It seemed as though Xiumin was the only one paying attention to them, and the only one who seemed to notice the flash of reluctance in Chen’s eyes as he stood up. Xiumin really debated the morality of it, but after only a few seconds he decided to follow them.

“I’m going for a walk too,” he said, and a few of his group mates nodded or waved, but most didn’t seem to be paying attention. He didn’t go off in the same direction as Kai and Chen, but eventually looped around to find them, following the sounds of their voices. They were far enough away from the group where even in this echoing city they wouldn’t be overheard, but from twenty feet away and hiding around the corner, Xiumin could hear them just fine.

“This is the wrong time,” Chen was saying. “We’re still dealing with this information, we haven’t even practiced using our abilities, we don’t know what we can do.”

“But we’re so _strong_ , Jongdae!” Kai said, and Xiumin was startled at the usage of Chen’s real name. “I’m not saying we have to do anything about it right now, but this is the time to talk about it, this is the time to see where we stand!”

“I don’t like it. You don’t know what we’re up against.”

“I do,” Kai disagreed. “I know how strong I am, I…”

“You what?” Chen prompted after a moment.

“I teleported. Across the planet, I wound up in a city called New York, I was thousands of miles away, thousands!”

“Kim Jongin,” Chen hissed, “When did you teleport to New York?”

When Kai spoke again, he sounded sheepish. “Last week, after you fell asleep.”

Xiumin didn’t have to look to know that Chen was absolutely livid. He heard a scuffling of feet, a thump and Kai grunted—Xiumin imagined that Chen had grabbed Kai and thrown him against a wall.

“I can’t believe you,” Chen hissed, and Xiumin could picture it all too clearly—Chen with fistfuls of Kai’s shirt, pinning him against a building with not only his strong grip but his powerful gaze. “How could you be so damn selfish, Jongin?! You heard what Kris said, how did you know you wouldn’t land in the middle of the ocean, or be ripped apart, or disappear forever?!” His voice rose with every word, Xiumin was almost worried that the rest of the group would hear him.

“I just knew,” Kai said, and he sounded like he was pleading. “I wasn’t trying to teleport across a solar system, I knew I could do this safely!”

“You’ve never gone more than a hundred miles!” Chen screamed. “How could you know this?!”

“But Jongdae, I’m okay!” Kai reminded him. “Look at me, I’m fine, I’m in one piece! I did it!” Now he sounded close to tears. “I did this all on my own, with no help at all—I figured it out, I set a new record for myself. Don’t you know what that means to me? Aren’t you happy for me at all?”

“Don’t you dare start, you could have…you didn’t even tell me! What if something had happened to you?”

“But that’s the point,” Kai said gently. “I’m so powerful now, I’ll never be hurt—not as long as I remember to keep my head and not be too dangerous.”

“And that wasn’t dangerous?” Chen asked mockingly.

“No, it wasn’t,” Kai said. “Jongdae…I had to do it. I could feel this energy building up inside of me, I had to let it out, I had to know…and I know I can go further but I didn’t. I could probably go to the moon right now, maybe I could cross into a different universe someday, but I won’t, because I know that’s too much. I _do_ know my limitations, and I stick to them because I know how much it would hurt you if anything happened to me. I don’t want us to end up like Lu Han and Sehun, you have to know that…after seeing that, after living with that for eight years I would know…I love you too much to hurt you like that.”

Chen didn’t answer for a long time, but finally he sighed. “You have a way of making me not want to be angry at you.”

“You shouldn’t be,” Kai said. “In fact, you should be really happy. Do you know what this means for us? Not just you and me, but everyone?”

“What does it mean?”

“It means that together, we’re unstoppable,” Kai breathed. “Nobody can touch us, nobody can hurt us ever again. We can go home, we can go back there and defeat this evil thing and then we can make everyone bend to our will. We can make them pay for what they did to us—we can go after whoever sabotaged our ship and put them on trial for attempted murder, we can find whoever it was that tried to poison Kris and punish them. We can get back at everyone who ever hurt us, who made us feel isolated, everyone who didn’t care or belittled us. We can change those stuffy old traditions, we can make sure that no Guardian, no child, ever has to suffer the way we did.”

Xiumin felt like he might be sick. What Kai was talking about…it was like he was already playing God. He waited anxiously for Chen’s response, but Kai wasn’t done.

“Jongdae, love, look at me,” he said firmly. “Think about what they did to us. They ignored us for years, they never made any attempt to teach us or get to know who we were—not the Guardians, not the masters…”

“But half those people are dead,” Chen whispered.

“No,” Kai said vehemently. “They’re alive, Jongdae. Mama doesn’t have any interest in life or death, I bet you that everything on that planet is exactly as it was when we left—I bet all our so-called parents are still alive. Don’t you want to go home and find your mom and dad, show them what you became, show them that you weren’t bad? Don’t you want to go to Baekhyun’s village and watch the looks on those people’s faces when they see the boy they tried to use as a pawn, all grown up and ready to take them on? We’ve suffered enough, isn’t it our time to show everyone that we’re done with being their punching bag, that we mean something and we deserve respect?”

Kai was breathing heavily, and it seemed like Chen was too.

“You make it sound so easy,” Chen said.

“It will be,” Kai promised. “We can take our home back, Jongdae, make into everything we always wanted to. We can make it safe, we can make it progressive even! No more divide between the halves of our planet, no renaming ceremonies, no more hiding things from the people, no more children who have to grow up without love, with only each other to lean on! No more five year olds who suddenly have to become parents to a bunch of kids with unbelievable gifts…you know how much Suho wanted to change that, especially.”

“I do,” Chen whispered. “And…and I want it. I want all of it. I do want them to pay for what they did to us, for not caring enough to stop this thing before it took over…it’s not fair that we have to be the ones to clean up their mess!”

Xiumin had to lean against the building to stay upright. His knees felt weak, he wanted to throw up. This was wrong, this was so wrong and yet…there was a part of Xiumin’s brain that was imagining it. Showing up on their home planet, the place they’d never been welcome, and defeating the darkness. Going to the home of the Guardians and forcing them to admit that they were weak, weak to have allowed themselves to be overtaken and for sticking to old traditions. He imagined throwing out every rule, making it so that the next Generation of Guardians was raised with adults like them—happy, well-adjusted adults who had normal lives and could be examples to these young kids that it would all turn out okay.

Xiumin thought of Suho’s childhood, his memories of being taken away from his mother’s lifeless body and dumped in a snowstorm, left for dead without a care in the world. Xiumin wondered if anyone felt regret for that—his village had to have thought that Suho had died, they couldn’t have known that he was now a Guardian. Xiumin thought about how his brother told him to hide his gift, how he had at least, on some level, been blamed for his mother’s abandonment of their family. His blood boiled as he thought of punishing those who hurt his fellow Guardians, who made them feel like they weren’t worthy of love or family. No child should ever have to feel that.

But then the more rational side of Xiumin took over and reminded him that it was not his job to punish, but to protect. He wasn’t supposed to sink to that level—if he went around hurting other people, that would just make _him_ the bully. As satisfying as it would be to watch Suho’s entire village kneel to the boy they tried to kill (and Xiumin felt very strongly about that, seeing as Suho was his first and dearest friend to this day), he knew that it might be a satisfying image but it wouldn’t heal the years of psychological damage. It wouldn’t give Suho any peace, it wouldn’t give him his family back, it would only make him feared, make them all feared, and that was not what Xiumin wanted to be as a Guardian.

Chen and Kai were still talking, but Xiumin had heard enough. He was confused and more upset than he’d been in years. He didn’t want to think about this right now, but from the way that Kai and Chen had been talking it sounded like they were about to make an announcement about this soon. Xiumin knew that this was going to mean a divide, just like what had happened when Kyungsoo thought the Tree of Life was lying, but worse. This was a question of power, human power, and how much of it they had a right to. This was going to get messy, and Xiumin honestly didn’t know who would be on either side of this battle line, nor where he would be standing himself.


	43. The God Gene IV

Jongin supposed it was the unfairness of it all that really made him start to think outside the mold of a Good Guardian. In truth, he’d never been happy with the idea that he was supposed to care only about the welfare of the people on his planet—he had no authority within the Generations of Guardians and was not allowed to question them. That, in his mind, had never been right. He didn’t realize what it was that he wanted until Yixing had been allowed to go back home and see his mother. At first Jongin had been unbearably jealous that Yixing even had a mother who wanted him. Jongin had been abandoned when he was a baby, so hungry that at two years old he learned how to use his power so that he could steal food. He knew it was wrong, but he also knew that he had to eat to survive, and his mother wasn’t feeding him. Jongin thought that it was a miracle he learned how to talk and walk and dress himself—nobody showed him how to do any of that. Yixing had even gotten the chance to confront his father, and by the Tree Jongin wanted that opportunity.

When Jongin arrived at the Sanctuary at the age of three, he was all but shoved right at Suho, and it wasn’t until Jongin got older that he realized just how _messed up_ that was. Here was Jongin, an unsociable child who could barely stand the presence of other people and hated being touched. He didn’t know how to express himself, he screamed and cried when people tried to approach him or talk to him, he didn’t know how to use eating utensils or even write his own name. And here was Suho, six years old—barely more than a baby himself—with Jongdae and Chanyeol to care for as well, who was essentially civilizing Jongin all on his own. How screwed up did a person have to be to put all that on a six year old? Never mind that Suho had his own issues, barely just recovering from a speech problem himself and having frequent nightmares about being abandoned in a snowstorm. Minseok had helped out as best he knew how, but Chanyeol was really the only child he could deal with. Jongdae had already latched onto Suho and was reluctant to let go, and Suho said that for Minseok to try to help Jongin, in the beginning at least, would only serve to overload him and make him even more resentful.

He was probably right, Jongin didn’t think he would have liked having Minseok on his back at all, as it was he frequently kicked the crap out of Suho. But what got to Jongin the most was that no matter what, no matter how nasty Jongin had been, how many bad things he did or how loudly he screamed, Suho never lost his temper or his faith in Jongin. One thing Jongin would never forget was the night that he asked Suho how he could love a rotten child, and Suho had told Jongin that he wasn’t rotten, and even if he was it didn’t mean that he didn’t deserve love. Suho, who was eight years old at the time, told him that. A child himself, he was the one Jongin credited for bringing him up to be a person instead of a monster. Jongin couldn’t remember an adult ever having such a huge impact on his life, and what kind of a society did he live in where that had to happen? Now that he was older, it disgusted him.

The biggest thing that Jongin wanted was to make sure that no child ever had to go through what Suho went through. He raised three of the biggest problem children a generation of Guardians had ever seen—himself, Jongdae and Sehun. Jongin had no idea how Suho had managed to stay sane, if it had been him…well, it wouldn’t have been him. Kris wasn’t any better off either, he raised Tao all by himself, and in thanks he was nearly killed during the ceremony that made him leader. It was a good thing that Tao had a decent enough grip on his ability to save Kris, otherwise who knew what might have happened. He wanted the people responsible for their messed up childhoods to own up and pay the price.

The second thing that Jongin wanted was to find his mother and talk to her. He didn’t want to hurt her, there was a part of him that realized she did what she did because she felt like he wasn’t her child. Still, he wanted to know why she was so cold—in every other Guardian’s case there seemed to be one person who would care for them, or at least feed them regularly. Jongin’s stomach churned when he thought about how hungry he had been as a child. He wanted to ask her when she started to hate him—was it when he was two? A year old? A few months? Had she hated him from the moment he was born, or had it been even before that?

Jongin knew that it was a slim chance his mother was still alive, but he was the one that had dangled over that pit, he’s felt the presence of that darkness, and he genuinely felt that it had no interest in life or death and would simply cause the world to freeze, sort of like what Tao did. Maybe that was why it had overtaken him and Tao, because they could control time and space and could understand how it functioned. He understood that defeating Mama was a thing that he had a responsibility to do—perhaps nobody understood that more than he did. It was a sinister force, something truly disturbing, but he also wanted what was fair for him. Regardless of whether those people had been under the force of Mama, there was blame to be had.

Jongin started to make a list of everything he wanted people to pay for. His mother had to answer to him. The Masters who tried to kill Kris had to be punished. Those who put Suho in charge of a bunch of children needed to be put on trial for neglect. Whoever had sabotaged their ship…Jongin had a few appealing words for that person, followed by a lifelong jail sentence. As far as he was concerned, that person was solely responsible for Lu Han’s devastating brain injury which left Sehun broken hearted. Jongin was beginning to realize he couldn’t put a name to the pain that incident had caused. He wished he could play his memories for all to see, project them onto a wall so everyone could know what it was like to look into Lu Han’s blank eyes, watch Sehun cry and beg Lu Han to say something, to look at him just once. Jongin wished he could describe what it was like to watch Sehun lose hope and become a shell himself, all while Jongin tried and failed to be enough for Sehun to hold onto.

At first he’d resented Sehun for that, but after he and Jongdae started to fall for each other and Jongin put himself and Jongdae in Lu Han and Sehun’s place…he began to understand. Sometimes there was no substitute for love, sometimes the thought of losing your lover became more unbearable than the thought of losing anyone else in your life. At one point he’d even blamed the other Guardians for it, for not finding them faster, but he came to realize he was wrong about them too. Jongin needed someone to blame, and so he went back, trying to figure out who started all of this, who set it into motion.

In the end, Jongin supposed he blamed the first Generation of Guardians most of all. If they had just done their job right this wouldn’t have been a problem at all. Hell even if they had just kept visiting the Tree, had given it a chance to explain that it wasn’t replacing them with the second Generation, then maybe they wouldn’t have fallen under the influence of this dark force and everything would have been fine! Maybe Jongin and his friends could be back on their home right now, maybe he and Jongdae could have had a proper wedding ceremony…there were so many what ifs.

* * *

Of course Jongin realized that if he was going to go about his plan for revenge, or closure, or whatever it was, he needed to be careful. There were so many ways he could slip and become too obsessed, to drunk on his new power. He needed to remind himself that no matter what, he couldn’t take action without evidence. He had plenty of that, but he would need to present it in a logical fashion. He needed to make sure that he didn’t go after anyone innocent, and most of all he needed to distance himself from the other Guardians and make it clear that he was not representative of all of them. That being said, Jongin also knew he couldn’t do it alone. He was powerful, but he wasn’t threatening. As amazing as Teleporation was, it wasn’t nearly as impressive as say, shooting a pillar of flame from his hands.

So far, Jongin only knew of one person he could count on, and that was Jongdae. His sweet Jongdae, who had come so far in these two short months since they had discovered how strong they now were. He was no longer the scared person who jumped at shadows and cried when a bug crawled over his foot. Jongin had always known he could be brave, but apparently Jongdae had only just discovered it.

They had been sitting around a small fire together, watching as Yixing tried to stay as far away from their new kitten as he possibly could. Chanyeol had named her Lucy and had been her primary caretaker, but that kitten had eyes only for Yixing. She trailed after him day in and day out, meowing loudly at him and trying to climb up his pant legs, and he would squirm away from her and shake her off. Jongdae had been so distracted that he hadn’t even noticed the large spider that was crawling up the log next to him. Baekhyun saw it first, and he screamed and stood up, pointing at the creature.

“Holy crap that’s the biggest spider I’ve ever seen in my life!” He shrieked, “Chen, lookout!”

Everyone saw the thing, gasped and backed away; even Jongin had been a little creeped out by it. Jongdae was the only one who remained seated. He smiled coldly at the spider.

“Get the hell away from me,” he said, and he held his hand over it and produced a perfect lightning bolt—about a thousand times smaller than the ones he usually unleashed. The spider was shocked to death immediately, but the log Jongdae was sitting on remained unaffected.

Surprisingly enough, this was how everyone knew that Jongdae’s power had been amplified. Never before had he had enough control to create a lightning bolt that small—even as a child he was only able to generate great bolts, and usually he didn’t even have enough power to control where they struck—or not in the way that he had just demonstrated. That bolt hit only the spider, affected only the spider, and it had been so small that had it hit an ordinary person it wouldn’t have killed them. It was amazing to watch, even more so because it was the first time anyone could remember Jongdae being so calm in the face of one of his biggest fears.

“How are you not freaking out?” Sehun had gasped, echoing everyone’s thoughts.

Jongdae shrugged, his cool smile still on his face. “I guess I know now that it can’t hurt me.”

Jongin had smiled and sat back down, slinging his arm around Jongdae’s shoulders and pulling him in for a kiss. “My brave husband,” he whispered.

Jongdae curled into Jongin’s side and said, softly enough for only Jongin to hear, “Nothing can hurt me ever again, I’ll always be able to hurt it first.”

Jongin had smiled to himself as he laced his fingers with Jongdae’s. Oh yes, he could count on his husband.

But he couldn’t count on Yixing to side with him—he was much too afraid of his power to use it as a weapon. Jongin had a feeling he wouldn’t be able to count on Xiumin either. He also felt the need to count Baekhyun out. That made no sense, Baekhyun should have wanted revenge, but there was a part of Jongin’s brain that stubbornly insisted that if he wanted to get to Baekhyun, he’d have to get Chanyeol first. He’d been shocked at the thought at first, but he finally understood. Chanyeol may have been sunshine and rainbows at one point, but he was starting to understand exactly what had been done wrong to his beloved Baekhyun. Jongin realized that if he presented his case in the right way, he could get Chanyeol to see that he was doing something for the good of others. And he really didn’t think it would take much to get Chanyeol to want to storm Baekhyun’s old village and see them punished for holding a child hostage from his brothers—his real family—in exchange for money.

Then there was Sehun and Lu Han—he felt they could go either way. Sehun could swing Lu Han to his side in a quest for vengeance against the people who nearly killed his husband, or Lu Han could convince Sehun that he didn’t need revenge, neither of them did. Or those two could be reversed, Jongin really couldn’t tell. Kyungsoo was another one that he had a hard time reading, but then again he had been the first to openly question the Tree of Life…yes, perhaps Jongin would be able to count on Kyungsoo’s support.

That left Tao and the Great Leaders in the grey. One thing was for sure, Jongin would have his work cut out for him with them. No doubt they would try to stop him, but if he could get them to see that he didn’t mind being the bad guy, that he didn’t care if they blame fell on him and he became feared…after all, it was better to be feared than to be loved. Jongin truly believed in that, but would either leader believe him? After all that Suho had been through, he seemed to be more likely to throw aside the image of the kind guardian and shake things up, but perhaps it was too drastic a change to expect from their resident good-boy.

Then again Jongin expected it less from Kris, but Kris had always been the one who would listen first and ask questions after he’d heard the whole story. Jongin could just picture Suho’s face when he learned his second youngest was bent on getting some kind of justice, even if he had to use force to do it. His stomach twisted at the thought of disappointing the only person he ever truly thought of as an older brother. That just left him with Kris, and Suho knew he had to talk to a leader before he could talk to anyone else. If Jongin read someone wrong, and they tattled on him…he just wanted at least one of them to know before he said anything to anyone besides Jongdae.

* * *

Jongin approached Kris for the first time about three months after the whole fiasco had begun. They were tired from a day of walking, and Jongin knew that they wouldn’t be missed if they disappeared for a while.

“Kris, can I talk to you? Alone?”

Kris looked a little surprised, but stood up anyway. As the two of them walked off he said, “I thought you usually went to Suho when you wanted to talk. Did something happen?”

Jongin shook his head. “No, I just…I think you would understand more.”

Kris put his arm around Jongin’s shoulders, and for a half second Jongin thought he was making a mistake. He loved Kris just as much as he loved Suho, he didn’t want to jeopardize his relationship with either of them, maybe he should forget the whole thing…

But no, he had to do this. He figured they were far enough away where even if Kris yelled, they wouldn’t be overheard, so he squared his shoulders and took a deep breath. “When we go home…if we go home…I want to do things differently. I want answers, I want people to be held responsible for what they did to us when we were kids. I want to punish the Guardians who left us on our own, and the people who tried to kill you, and the people who held Baekhyun hostage, and I don’t plan on hiding it from the others. I want to tell them what I’m going to do and ask if they want to join me.”

Well, that was the short version of it. Jongin tried to read Kris’ response, but he seemed to be hiding his true feelings. “I can’t say I didn’t anticipate this.”

Jongin froze. “Huh?”

Kris sighed and looked down. “With great power comes a whole host of possibilities. I realized it after what happened with Chen and that spider, that soon someone would realize that we could do potentially great things and not so great things.”

Jongin felt the need to explain himself. “It’s not necessarily bad,” he said quickly, and before he knew it he was spilling everything. How horrible it had truly been for him to be neglected as a child, how he loathed what had happened to Suho and Baekhyun, how unfair it all was and how he blamed the older Guardians for what happened to all of them, including Sehun and Lu Han. He was close to tears by the end, and he could see that he had indeed shocked Kris.

“I had no idea you felt that way,” Kris said numbly. “Especially about…about Sehun and Lu Han…”

Jongin laughed sarcastically. “I told you before that it was awful. I can’t just let that go, Kris. I have to blame someone, and I can’t blame you guys, not anymore, not after what you told me. But…that anger hasn’t gone away, I don’t know if it ever will. I just…I still feel so betrayed and I need some kind of closure.”

“It’s okay,” Kris said. “I understand.”

“You do?!” That was unexpected.

Kris smiled, and he looked so much older than his eternal 22 years. “We are human, after all. No matter how strong we are, we’ll always have that need for justice and fairness. I can see that this is something you’re not going to let go of, and I think to hold you back might be worse. The truth is, I would rather watch you do something I don’t agree with than have you go behind my back to do it. This way if something happens, I can help you right away and things hopefully won’t spiral out of control.”

Jongin understood, but he was focused on one part. “So, you don’t agree with me?”

Kris sighed. “I don’t know. I understand, but I don’t know if it’s…what I would do. But I do think you have a right to make your own choice.”

Jongin nodded. “I’m not trying to lash out at anyone who pisses me off. I will go about this the right way.”

“I know you say that now,” Kris said gently, “But I want you to remember this—the road to hell is paved with good intentions. This is a situation where you could easily lose control.”

“But I won’t,” Jongin insisted. “And I’ll have you and Suho to keep me in check. I’ll always respect the two of you, nothing will change that.”

Kris looked him over critically and sighed again. “I’m going to have to trust you on that, and just be glad that this confrontation is a long way off.”

“I’m not changing my mind,” Jongin warned.

“Perhaps not,” Kris agreed. “But maybe in that time you’ll have removed yourself from your anger a little more.”

Jongin doubted that, but he didn’t say it. “Will you help me talk to Suho about it?”

“Sure,” Kris said. “I’ll do what I can. But I’m not helping you with the others—this is officially your battle, Kai.”

And Jongin intended to see it to the end, whatever that may be.


	44. The God Gene V

Jongin wasn’t expecting Suho to break down in tears when he revealed his plans. Clearly Kris hadn’t either, but he stepped back and gave Jongin a look that clearly said ‘ _This is your problem to fix_.’

“Hyung,” Jongin said as Suho tried to collect himself, “If you’re that mad at me then…”

Suho sobbed harder and threw his arms around Jongin’s shoulders. He was so short, Jongin realized for the first time. When had he gotten taller than his big brother?

“I’m not mad at you,” Suho whispered, his face buried in Jongin’s shoulder, one hand absently stroking Jongin’s hair. “My Kai, my Jongin…I could never be angry with you.”

“Then why are you crying?” Jongin asked as he hugged Suho back tightly, wishing with all his heart that he never had to see Suho cry again. He didn’t think he’d ever seen it happen before, and he didn’t like it at all.

Suho pulled back slightly and gave Jongin a sad smile. “Because…because I don’t…” he took a deep breath. “I never once regretted taking care of you, or Chen or Sehun. I don’t want you to feel like I lost anything, because I gained so much. I know you have other reasons for wanting this but…if you feel like you need to do this for me…” His voice broke. “Do you…did you ever feel like I thought of you as a burden?”

Jongin could see that this had gone very, very wrong. “No!” He cried, tears forming in his eyes. “Well, maybe at first but of course when I…when I realized that you weren’t lying to me and you wouldn’t leave me…it’s not because of anything that you did! You have to believe me…” Suho reached up to wipe Jongin’s tears away, and Jongin only cried harder. Even now when he was upset, Suho’s first priority was someone else. “Don’t,” Jongin begged. “Hyung, please… just for one second, stop caring about me and think about yourself.”

Suho didn’t pull his hand back until he’d wiped Jongin’s face free of tears. Behind them, Kris cleared his throat. “Maybe you should both sit down.”

Suho pulled Jongin onto the bed and made him sit first. Jongin kept his eyes down and refused to meet Suho’s gaze.

“It’s not because I feel like…like I owe you,” Jongin explained quietly. “I do feel that way, but I know this isn’t the right way to repay you. It’s just…I pity you, and I know you’ll never understand why but the fact is that you should have been able to have a childhood, and you should have had someone who cared about you the way you cared about me…about us. We had you from the start and you didn’t have anyone to lean on for years.”

He heard Suho hiccup and sob at the same time. “Oh Jongin…” Suho hadn’t used his real name in years, now he’d used it twice in five minutes. It was different from when Jongdae said it—when Suho called him by his real name, Jongin wanted to pretend that he was five years old and falling asleep in Suho’s lap after a long day.

Jongin swallowed around the lump in his throat and tried to get a hold of himself. “I just don’t think it’s fair. They shouldn’t be able to get away with that.”

Suho laid his hand on the back of Jongin’s neck and tugged him forward until his head rested against Suho’s neck. “My beautiful, sweet, caring Jongin,” Suho sighed. “You always did have a very strong sense of justice.”

Jongin sniffled and inched closer. Their legs were touching, if he moved anymore he’d be in Suho’s lap. “Maybe part of it is for you,” he whispered. “But a lot of it is for all the other kids who could have been you.”

For a moment Suho didn’t speak. With one hand he continued to pet Jongin’s hair, and with the other he held Jongin’s hand in a loose grip. “Do you know what this reminds me of?” He asked suddenly.

Jongin could guess. “When I was younger?”

“Yes. In the beginning, when you would get so worked up that you would cry for hours until you were so tired that you could barely hold yourself up. And when that happened…I’d hold you, just like this, and stay with you until you fell asleep. I would just tell you over and over that I wouldn’t hurt you, and that I loved you…even after you fell asleep I kept repeating it. I kept hoping that it would sink into your unconscious, make you trust me a little more.”

Jongin closed his eyes and thought back. He could remember it—how he’d tense up when Suho first tried to hold him. He just wasn’t used to it. He hadn’t remembered ever being held by his mother, and it took him a while to realize that human touch was meant to be soothing, not threatening or hurtful. But when he was half asleep and too tired to think, he was putty in Suho’s hands. He could even remember Suho’s steady mantra, ‘ _Shh, don’t cry. It’s okay, you’re safe with me. I love you, Jongin-ah._ ’

Jongin pulled himself back to the present and looked up at Suho. His eyes were already trained on Jongin’s face, and he was smiling. “You’ve grown up so nicely,” he sighed. “Look at you. You’re so strong, not just physically but emotionally. You suffered far more than I could have ever feared. But you fell in love, you found someone who completes you…you’ve gotten so smart, so mature. You’re…” He laughed a little. “It feels like you’re still my baby though, and all I want to do is protect you.”

Jongin started to cry again. “You don’t have to protect me.” He realized it wasn’t so easy to believe when he was curled up in Suho’s arms crying and wishing that he could be five, six, seven years old again, before everything got so complicated, but it was true.

Suho nodded. “I know,” he whispered. “It’s hard to let go…after so long, after you’ve been hurt so badly. But I can see that this is something you need to do, Jongin. So I’m not going to fight you on this. I just want you to promise me that you won’t try to hide anything from me, or Kris, and that you’ll let us help you.”

Jongin couldn’t help it—he cried again. He buried his face in Suho’s shoulder and sobbed like a child. He was happy that Suho trusted him, but he was also very sad that it had come down to this. Suho shouldn’t have had to feel like he needed to protect Jongin, even now. Jongin shouldn’t have been in a position to need protecting after all this time. This was all the fault of the Guardians, and if anything his conversation with Suho had only solidified that when he got home he would have some major ass to kick before he would be able to feel like justice had been carried out.

* * *

Baekhyun was near tears as he pleaded with Chanyeol. “You’re going to break your neck!” He shrieked, eyeing the distance between the roof Chanyeol stood on and the ground. “Just get down, please!”

From what Baekhyun could see, Chanyeol looked a little scared, but he shook his head. “I won’t get hurt! Just trust me!”

“It’s hard to trust you when you’re talking about jumping!” Baekhyun screeched. Where were his friends when he needed them? “Just please come down!”

“Just watch me,” Chanyeol yelled, and he took a step back.

“PARK CHANYEOL DON’T YOU DARE!”

Chanyeol leapt from the rooftop. Baekhyun didn’t even have the mental capacity to scream as he froze with fear, but his anxiety quickly changed to shock when two jets of fire shot from Chanyeol’s outstretches arms—no, not his arms…his back. And they weren’t jets, they were more like…wings. Chanyeol had wings of fire coming out of his back. Baekhyun’s jaw dropped and he sank to his knees, his head craned back to watch as Chanyeol soared over him, landing a good fifty feet away on the next rooftop.

It was took few minutes for Chanyeol to go inside the apartment and run down the stairs again, and in that time Baekhyun sat on the ground with his mouth hanging open and a blank look in his eyes. It wasn’t until he saw Chanyeol running towards him that he regained his senses. Chanyeol stood in front of him wearing a huge smile on his face.

“You can fly,” Baekhyun said weakly.

“Sort of,” Chanyeol laughed. “It’s more like I can jump really far and not fall, I can’t go from the ground to two hundred meters up the way Kris can, but isn’t it awesome?!”

Baekhyun struggled to stand up again, and Chanyeol bent down, grabbed him by the arms and lifted him to his feet. “I just couldn’t wait to show you,” Chanyeol gushed. “I haven’t told anyone yet, just you. I wondered how I could possibly get stronger, I think that this is because I was marked with the phoenix and—Baekhyun, are you okay?”

Baekhyun was staring at him blankly. After a moment’s consideration—how much did he like Chanyeol’s face? Enough not to hurt it—he pulled his fist back and punched Chanyeol in the shoulder as hard as he could. Chanyeol yelped and stumbled backwards. “Ow! Baekhyun-ah!”

Baekhyun promptly burst into tears. “You jerk!” He shrieked, “You fucking scared me to death, Park Chanyeol! How could you just leap off a building, oh my god you idiot!” He almost collapsed on his knees again, but Chanyeol grabbed him and held him up. He had the nerve to laugh.

“Don’t laugh at me!” He was going to go hoarse if he kept shouting. “Do you have any idea how scared I was?!” He punched Chanyeol again, weaker this time since he was crying so hard.

Chanyeol stopped laughing, but he was still grinning. “Baekhyun, I can’t die, remember?”

“Good thing too,” Baekhyun sobbed. “Because I’m seriously going to kill you…” He threw his arms around Chanyeol’s neck and cried into his shoulder. “I hate you, I hate you so much you idiot, you absolute moron, oh _god_ do I hate you…”

“You love me,” Chanyeol countered. He rubbed Baekhyun’s back soothingly and rocked him from side to side. “And I love you.”

Baekhyun cried harder. “Stop making me love you, I’m mad at you.”

Chanyeol kissed Baekhyun’s cheek. “I’m sorry I scared you,” he said softly. “I didn’t think you’d be so scared—you know how hard it is for us to die, or get hurt now that we’re past Maturity. Even from that height I probably would have just twisted my ankle—it was only two stories.”

“Only two stories,” Baekhyun repeated weakly. “Silly me, thinking you could die…”

Chanyeol sighed and pulled back to kiss Baekhyun lightly on the lips. “I can fly, Baekhyun-ah. I’ve always wanted to fly.”

“I know,” Baekhyun said. “And I am happy for you…but for the sake of my heart, please don’t leap off any more roofs.”

Chanyeol hugged Baekhyun as tightly as he could. “I’ll try not to.”

* * *

It happened while they were kissing, which was pretty embarrassing if Tao was going to be honest—how old was he that this was happening still happening? He hadn’t lost control of his ability like that since…puberty, really. But this was different, because normally he knew right away if he’d screwed up and frozen time when he hadn’t meant to, and this time…nothing.

He, Kris and Suho were sharing a room (of course) and the two of them had been under a lot of stress recently, so Tao had taken it upon himself to help them relax. He’d gotten to Suho first, sneaking up behind him and massaging his shoulders, and it hadn’t taken long for Suho to relax, leaning into Tao’s touch and groaning slightly every time Tao’s fingers worked on another part of his neck or back. Kris had come into the room to find Tao kissing down Suho’s neck while Suho struggled to get Tao’s shirt unbuttoned.

“Really guys?” Kris asked. “You couldn’t wait ten minutes?”

Tao pulled back to grin at Kris. “You’re here now,” he said breathlessly as Suho struggled with the buttons. Tao had worn that shirt on purpose, he knew that the pair of them secretly liked when he would leave his shirt on but open.

Kris crawled onto the bed and ran his fingers through Tao’s hair, and Tao pulled away from Suho so that Kris could kiss him too. He could hear Suho swear softly next to them, and he smiled as Kris nipped at his lip. When Tao pulled back so Suho and Kris could have a moment, he realized what he had done.

“Oh my god!” he shrieked, skittering backwards, his eyes darting around the room.

Suho and Kris jumped apart and started at him. “What?” Kris asked breathlessly. “What’s wrong?”

Tao was speechless. He knew time had stopped—there was a stillness that he could feel, it went beyond the room, it encompassed the whole world. He could feel that everything had frozen, everything except himself and inexplicably two other people.

“I-I,” Tao stuttered, “I s-stopped…time. I stopped time.”

Kris immediately reached out to him. “Are you okay? Was it for very long?”

Tao shook his head. “No, Kris…it’s still stopped.”

They stared at him, eyes wide. “What did you say?” Suho asked.

Tao started to hyperventilate, and this time it had nothing to do with shadows creeping into his vision. “I don’t know,” he whimpered, looking around. “I know it’s stopped, I can feel it but somehow…I took the both of you with me.”

He looked back at the pair of them, and they gaped at him. “Are you sure?” Suho blurted.

“I’m positive,” Tao whispered. “Can’t you feel it?”

Kris had his hand on Tao’s arm, and Tao could feel a shiver go through Kris’ body. “Yeah, I can.”

Suho looked around. “How can this happen?”

Tao closed his eyes and concentrated on making time start again. Right away he could feel motion being restored to the world, and he breathed a sigh of relief. “I guess I’m a lot stronger than I thought I could be.”

* * *

“Yixing.”

Xiumin winced as Yixing jumped about a foot in the air. He was so jittery these days, it was getting ridiculous. But that was a conversation for another day, right now Xiumin wanted to talk about something else. “She’s just a kitten, let her come close to you.”

Yixing’s eyes darted to Lucy, who was sitting a few feet away after Yixing had run from her yet again.

“I can’t,” he whispered. “I hate how she seems to want to be near to me. It’s like she knows.”

“That you saved her life?” Xiumin asked. “That’s silly.”

Yixing shook his head. “I didn’t save her life, I restored it. Xiumin…this isn’t normal cat behavior. She’s treating me like I’m some kind of…”

“You stop that right now,” Xiumin said firmly. “She’s a cat, she doesn’t have the mental capacity to acknowledge you as anything more than a fun playmate. And for your information it’s not like she clings to you all day every day, she just knows that she hasn’t scent marked you yet and it’s driving her crazy.”

Yixing smiled a little, but he didn’t look any more relaxed. “I swear she knows that there’s something about me that’s different.”

Xiumin resisted the urge to roll his eyes. “Okay, say you’re right. What are you afraid of?”

Yixing kept his eyes down. “Enslaving people.”

“Excuse me?”

“If I did this to a person…I think they’d become totally dependent on me.”

Xiumin sighed and walked over to Lucy, picked her up and brought her over to Yixing. He flinched away as Xiumin held her out.

“It’s a cat,” Xiumin said firmly. “Not a person. You didn’t enslave this creature, Yixing, you gave her a chance to live. If she knows anything it’s that she’s thankful, maybe she’s a little drawn to you but she’s not going to commit murder on your behalf. Now stop over thinking this and say hello to the kitten!” He had never raised his voice to Yixing before, and it seemed to shock him out of his worried state. Xiumin lowered his voice. “She’s just a baby. Just a kitten. That’s all, nothing more. I know it’s not her that you’re afraid of, it’s yourself. Stop being afraid of who you are, Yixing. There’s nothing you can do to change it, or what you’ve done. Accept it, learn from it and move on with your life.” Then he put Lucy down by Yixing’s foot and walked away.

When Yixing showed up again an hour later he was holding Lucy in his arms, petting her head and smiling. It seemed to Xiumin like Yixing was one step closer to forgiving himself, and that was all he could have asked for.

* * *

Tao had been jumpy over the last few days, and he was trying not to freak out the same way that Yixing did, but it was hard when all he could think about was that he could stop time any minute and accidentally take all his friends along with him. Admittedly having Kris and Suho with him last time made it a little less scary, but it wasn’t the shadows that Tao was afraid of anymore. It was realizing how very little he actually knew about his gift. He could stop time, but what else could he do with it? And he wasn’t the only one thinking about such things.

Tao was a little surprised when Kai asked to speak to him privately. The two were friends, but it was rare for them to ever do anything just the two of them, without Sehun. The youngest kids had to stick together and all that, but Kai didn’t ask Sehun to join them, and Sehun didn’t even seem to be paying attention when they walked off from the rest of the group.

They went a good distance away before Kai finally said something. “So, how have you been lately?”

Tao stared at him. “You didn’t lead me all the way over here to ask me _that_ , did you?”

Kai shrugged. “I’m about to ask you something very serious, I wanted to start small. And I am curious. We don’t talk a lot anymore, you know? I mean we do, but…we don’t seem to talk about anything important.”

It’s true, but Tao didn’t want to admit it. “We’re still friends.”

“I never said we weren’t,” Kai pointed out. “I just said we haven’t talked.”

“So talk! Why do we need to make it a big occasion?”

Kai shrugged again and looked up at the sky. The sun was setting, and the moon was a sliver above their heads. “What do you think about all this stuff with our gifts?”

Tao’s stomach dropped and he forced himself to remain cool. “I don’t know what to think. I never expected this to happen.”

“Did you find out how your gift has changed? Has it become stronger?”

Tao didn’t answer, but he didn’t need to.

“I know you have. You’ve been acting odd lately. You’re skittish and quieter than usual, and you seem to be avoiding Kris and Suho.” Kai looked back at Tao. “Did you not tell them about it?”

Tao could tell there was no point in avoiding Kai. “They were with me when it happened,” he admitted. “I…I stopped time and I took them with me.”

Kai’s eyes widened a little bit. “Wow.”

“What wow?” Tao asked crossly. “It happened while we were making out.”

Kai actually laughed at that. “God, that’s embarrassing!”

Tao blushed. “Oh, shut up,” he said maturely. “I know this isn’t about my love life.”

Kai suddenly turned serious. “You’re right, it isn’t. Listen Tao, I need your help, but you might not like what I have to say.”

That didn’t sound good. “Well then let’s just get it over with,” he suggested.

Kai took a deep breath. “I’ve been thinking a lot about what happened to us when we were young. How Suho and Kris raised us even though they were kids themselves and how hard it must have been—no offense to Kris, but it was especially hard for Suho. He had me, after all. And then Kris was nearly killed, and all this business with being kept in the dark by the older Guardians…it’s just not right, you know? And by the laws of our home planet, they can get away with it, and that doesn’t seem fair.”

Tao swallowed hard and looked down. “I know. You’re right, it’s not fair, but what can we do about it?”

Kai stepped a little closer. “I want to prosecute them.”

Tao found he wasn’t all that surprised to hear about it. “Did you tell Suho and Kris?”

Kai nodded. “They gave me their…well, not their blessing I suppose, but they promised not to interfere as long as I kept them in the loop and didn’t try to do anything too stupid.”

Tao laughed. “Like messing up the Hierarchy isn’t stupid? We may be Guardians but we’re the lowest of them, how do we expect to be taken seriously?” But he already knew the answer.

“By showing them how strong we are,” Kai said. “Or at least, that’s my plan. I have a list of everyone I want to confront, but I can’t do it alone. I need help, I need more power.”

“You want me to help you,” Tao said.

Kai nodded. “That’s the idea.”

Tao turned the idea over in his head. “It really isn’t fair, is it? I guess...assuming the Teachers who tried to poison Kris are still alive when we go home, I want to talk to them.”

Kai smiled. “They’re on my shit list, don’t worry.” Tao laughed at that, and Kai’s smile widened. “This was much easier than I thought it would be,” he mused. “I thought you would freak out, tell me it wasn’t my place to want this.”

Tao shrugged. “I don’t know, I think maybe it’s time to change things. We can’t be nice forever, and it’s not like we’re lashing out at innocent people.” He eyed Kai seriously. “So who else have you talked to besides me, Kris and Suho?”

“Chen,” Kai said. “And he’s the only other person who’s promised to help me.”

Tao rolled his eyes. “Some team we are.”

“I’m going after Baekhyun and Chanyeol next,” Kai said. “I’m not bothering to try to convince Yixing, I think he would just cry. I will tell him, but I’ll let him know that I don’t expect him to like it.”

The sun had almost set by that time, and it was getting dark. “We should go back,” Tao said.

Kai stood his ground. “Are you still afraid of the dark, after all this time?” He didn’t sound accusing, just curious.

“I am,” Tao said. “And of the shadows I see when I stop time. I swear something is there.”

Kai pursed his lips thoughtfully. “Don’t freak out,” he warned, “But I’m starting to think you may be right.”

Tao’s blood ran cold. “Wh-what?”

Kai leaned in and spoke softly, even though they were alone. “Did you ever wonder why Mama went after us all those years ago?”

Tao tried to deny it, but he couldn’t lie to his friend. “I did, but I don’t like to dwell on it.”

Kai moved even closer, they were almost nose to nose. “I think that we’re the key to stopping it.”

“How do you figure?” Tao demanded.

Kai pointed at Tao. “Time.” He pointed to himself. “Space.” He looked up again. “Both things that Mama seems to control. I don’t think it wants to kill anything, I genuinely believe that time has stopped back home and that thing rolls around the planet soaking in the feeling of having absolute control over time and space.”

Tao shuddered at the image of that thick, black fog enveloping the Sanctuary he grew up in, maybe winding around the frozen figure of a Guardian, permanently frozen mid-step. It was the creepiest thing he’d ever pictured. “So what? We can figure out what makes it tick or something?”

Kai looked back at Tao, a strange gleam in his eye. “Do you believe in alternate dimensions?”

Tao jumped. He hadn’t expected that question. “I don’t know.”

“Seven told me that she did,” Kai said. Tao was surprised once more, he’d almost forgotten how close Kai had briefly been with his fellow Teleporter. “She said that sometimes she could feel them, but she wasn’t strong or skilled enough to go into them.”

“Feel them?” Tao echoed.

“It’s strange,” Kai said thoughtfully. “Like running your fingers along the surface of the water and feeling wood, brick and cotton instead. Sometimes as I’m about to go off somewhere, I feel something different, but I had never been able to grab on to it before.”

Tao gasped. “And now you can?!”

Kai looked at him seriously. “I don’t know. I haven’t tried yet, but I want to. And I want you to come with me.”

Tao’s jaw dropped. “Me? But, but why? I’m not, I can’t…” he started to panic, thinking of all the things that could go wrong.

Kai held up his hand. “Calm down, I didn’t mean right now. Maybe not for a long time, yet. But eventually, I would like to try to explore my gift. I want you to come along in case something bad happens, so that you can stop the moment and I can correct myself. Tao, you do realize that together we’re about as safe as we can be, right?”

Tao forced a laugh. “I seriously doubt that.”

Kai looked him over thoughtfully. “How much thought have you given to the extent of your power?”

“None,” Tao admitted. “I can take people with me when I stop time, that’s all I know.”

Kai grinned. “I think you need to start considering how strong you might be. You know, time isn’t linear.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Tao asked even as an idea started to form in his head. He had to admit that it wasn’t an idea he liked, but Kai either didn’t realize that or didn’t care.

“I think,” Kai said slowly, “That maybe you can go beyond freezing time. Maybe you can go backwards and forwards too.”


	45. The God Gene VI

Kyungsoo knelt down and brushed his fingers over the ground, soaking in the feeling of life and a healthy Earth. An image began to form in his mind, a picture he’d seen in a book. Thinking of all the little statues he used to make, Kyungsoo dug his fingers into the ground and imagined the form of a dinosaur, a plant eater with a long neck and a name he didn’t dare try to pronounce. He felt the image taking shape from the dirt, and he concentrated on making it bigger, and bigger, and bigger…a shadow fell over him, and when Kyungsoo opened his eyes there was a dinosaur as tall as a building standing over him—trees lined it’s back and it was covered in grass and moss, Kyungsoo could feel boulders and even more trees and foliage inside the thing—it was all solid earth. Kyungsoo stood up and paced around his creation, feeling how powerful and incredible the thing was, and suddenly he thought about how great it would be if it could move. Curious, he laid his hand on its side and imagined the legs moving, and slowly the great earthen creation began to move as well, it’s feet lifting into the air and landing on the earth with a thunderous crash—

Kyungsoo’s eyes flew open and he sat up gasping, looking frantically around the room. It was dark, he was in a stranger’s house surrounded by his brothers, all of whom were asleep.

Kyungsoo fell back on the floor, a hand pressed to his head as he continued to imagine the dinosaur in his dream. He had created it out of earth and then made it move, where the heck had that dream come from? Was it a sign? Was this how his power had intensified?

“Impossible,” he whispered. “There’s no way…”

But wasn’t there? Could he not make such creations on a large scale if he tried? And as long as it remained connected to the ground somehow, did it not serve to assume he could make it move? Even now that he was awake, Kyungsoo could feel the power in his creation, the possibilities it gave him, it was almost like he could feel his gift thrumming under his skin, in his fingertips…

Kyungsoo’s head was spinning, and even though sunrise was a long way off, he knew he wouldn’t be going back to sleep.

* * *

Baekhyun looked Chanyeol over and tried to keep a handle on his emotions. “You’re different,” he said stiffly.

Chanyeol looked heartbroken. “I’m not,” he protested weakly.

“The boy I knew when I was ten wouldn’t have thought this was okay,” Baekhyun fired back. “The older Guardians are superior to us for a reason, Chanyeol, it’s not our place to discipline them!”

“Will you listen to yourself!” Chanyeol cried. “You sound like…you sound so old fashioned!”

“It’s what we were taught!”

“By people who didn’t really care about us! And do you really expect me to be the same person I was all those years ago? After all we’ve been through? You’ve changed, too,” he pointed out. “You lost some of your fire.”

“How dare you,” Baekhyun growled. “I haven’t lost anything.” Chanyeol gave him a pitying look and it only made Baekhyun angrier. “Stop it, I’m not different, I’m not!”

“Yes you are, you’re hiding what you want. You’re afraid to admit it.”

“I am not.”

“You did want revenge, once,” Chanyeol reminded him. “When you were a child. You wanted to know why your town thought it would be okay to use you as bait. You wanted to know why the Guardians who came to rescue you were so cold.”

Baekhyun shut his eyes against those memories. When he had been taken from his town, he hadn’t been told where he was going. It was just five men, all of them with pale, waxen skin and sunken eyes telling Baekhyun to come with them. He’d been scared, and he had started to cry. They had no patience for that, and all but dragged him out of the room he'd known for the last five years. They hadn’t spoken to him at all on the way to the Sanctuary, and he'd cried by himself the entire time.

“They deserve to be punished for that,” Chanyeol said, cutting through Baekhyun’s thoughts. “They deserve to be punished for being so jealous that they not only kept us away, they were openly hostile to you when you were just a child. They shouldn’t have treated you the way they did.”

Baekhyun could feel his shoulders shaking and he backed away from Chanyeol, hugging himself. “I don’t think about it.”

Chanyeol stepped closer, holding his hand out. “It’s okay,” he said gently. “You don’t have to think about it anymore. I’ll think about it for you, I’ll get even with them for you. I know you’re scared—”

“Do you really know?” Baekhyun snapped. “Then tell me why you think I'm so scared?”

Chanyeol gave him a look that was a mix of sad and proud. “You’re afraid that you’ll kill someone without meaning to.”

Baekhyun shut his eyes and hung his head as he started to cry. “How can you know this?” He whimpered. “I was hiding it, I wasn’t thinking, I was doing so well…” he sobbed harder. “ _Damn_ you Park Chanyeol, sometimes I really hate you!”

Chanyeol hugged him and Baekhyun sagged against his chest, crying into his shirt. “You don’t hate me,” Chanyeol said. “You love me. You hate that I know you well enough to see through you. And I’m proud of you for knowing yourself well enough to hold back, but don’t think that just because you can't do this, it means you won’t get to have your revenge.”

Baekhyun stepped back, wiping his eyes. “Just how far are you willing to go for me?” He asked, sounding more feeble than cross.

Chanyeol reached out to help Baekhyun dry his face, and he stared deep into Baekhyun’s eyes. “I would do anything for you.”

A shiver ran down Baekhyun’s spine, and he looked away.

* * *

Jongin had been right about Yixing not being on board for his plan. He didn’t cry, but he did look extremely uncomfortable and made Jongin promise not to hurt anybody. Jongin hadn’t been able to promise that, so Yixing changed it to hurt anybody innocent, and that Jongin could agree to.

He hadn’t been prepared for Xiumin’s level of distaste for the idea, though.

“I think you’re making a mistake,” he said bluntly. “And I’m not okay with it.”

“You don’t have to join me,” Jongin said.

“No,” Xiumin agreed. “I just have to turn a blind eye to something I think is wrong.”

Jongin started to get nervous. Xiumin was close to being downright hostile, and he’d never seen this side to his older brother before. Even so, he couldn’t let Xiumin walk all over him. “It’s better than being a doormat,” he countered, his face heating up. “I’m not going to let them think they can just walk all over us like that.”

“There are better ways to go about that,” Xiumin said crossly, “I don’t know if you realize this, but you’re basically talking about getting what you want through intimidation!”

“They should be intimidated by us. We’re not just stronger than them, Xiumin! We’re smarter, we’ve been through more trials than they can even imagine—”

Xiumin cut him off. “That doesn’t make us better than them.”

“Maybe not, but it sure as hell makes us more mature. They turned us away because we were the Tree’s new favorites, and they didn’t like it.”

“Who told you that?” Xiumin asked.

“Chanyeol did,” Jongin said. “And I happen to agree with him. All the blame rests with the first Generation, if they hadn’t gotten so pettily jealous and let the Tree explain itself, maybe we wouldn’t be in this situation.”

“You don’t know if that’s true,” Xiumin argued.

“And you don’t know if it’s a lie,” Jongin pointed out.

Xiumin sighed. “I don’t want to fight with you over this…”

“Too bad,” Jongin snapped. “You’re acting like I’m…like I’m a child who had a toy stolen from them! This is beyond that, Xiumin, this is about my life, your life, Suho’s life! This is about the childhood we didn’t get to have, this is about Lu Han and Sehun, how much they suffered for this, this means something to me! To all of us!”

“And you’re acting like I don’t give a damn about all of that!” Xiumin said hotly. “Just because I think you’re going about it the wrong way doesn’t mean I don’t care about all that!”

“What should we do?” Jongin asked, “Have a sit down? Talk to them?”

“We could try!”

“Fine,” Jongin said, folding his arms across his chest. “You talk to them, and when they laugh in your face I’ll be there to say I told you so.” And with that he walked away.

Later Jongin told the story to Chen, Tao and Chanyeol. Chanyeol sighed and said, “Well you could have handled that better,” and Jongin shoved him off their log.

Xiumin approached Jongin the next day. He held up his hands before Jongin could say anything. “No matter what, you’re my brother and I love you,” he said carefully. “But the fact is that I’m just not going to agree with you on this. I won’t force you to do anything, I won’t even ask you to wait and let me talk to them, instead I’m just going to hope that you’ll change your mind. I understand where you’re coming from, and I know…that things have been hard for you, and you need some kind of closure. So I won’t hold this against you, no matter what you decide.”

Jongin swallowed his pride and nodded. “I understand,” he said softly. “And thank you for…for telling me.”

They hugged and Jongin knew that while Xiumin still loved him, and he loved Xiumin, there was going to be a tension between them that wouldn’t go away.

* * *

Jongin caught Yixing sitting on a log all alone, away from the rest of the group one day not too long after their conversation about Jongin’s plans. Or at least, Jongin thought Yixing was alone until he got closer.

“It’s nice to see you’re not afraid of her anymore,” Jongin commented as he got closer, watching Lucy weave through Yixing’s legs, curling her tail around his calf. She’d gotten very big over the last few months, and very fat thanks to everyone sneaking her meat.

“We had a lot of cats at my home,” Yixing said softly, scratching Lucy behind her ears. “I loved playing with them when I was a kid, but they’re usually very finicky creatures. I don’t think any one of them would have been content to follow a group of twelve boys across a deserted world.”

Jongin chuckled and sat down next to Yixing, holding his fingers out to Lucy. She sniffed them and butted her head against Jongin’s hand. “She’s smart enough to know that if she sticks with us, she’ll be well fed.”

Yixing nodded. “Hunger is a powerful thing.”

Jongin remembered that Lucy had initially died of starvation, and wondered if he’d accidentally struck a chord. “Before…when it was just Sehun, Lu Han and me…” he paused, trying to collect himself. “We went hungry a lot. There wasn’t a lot of food nearby, and I was afraid to leave Lu Han alone, and even more afraid to leave Sehun alone with Lu Han. Sehun wouldn’t leave, and any food I gave him he always gave straight to Lu Han. We would have died if we hadn’t been…you know,” he finished lamely, not sure how to say it.

“Immortal?” Yixing offered.

“We’re not immortal,” Jongin said quietly. “We can get hurt. We can die, not in the sense that our consciousness ends, but those people back home? They’re dead spiritually. Sehun and I were dead spiritually too, for almost nine years. It’s hard coming back from that…the way we did. Sehun got over it much faster than I did, that’s for sure.”

Yixing finally looked over at him. “You never talk about what happened, is it because it hurts too much? Or do you just not want to?”

Jongin shrugged. “I talked to Kris.”

“Not Suho?”

“I could have,” Jongin admitted, “But…at the time, Kris was the only one available.” Yixing looked confused, and Jongin continued. “Do you remember right after we found you again? How cold I was to you, Baekhyun and…Chen,” his voice broke a little on Jongdae’s other name. “I blamed you guys for leaving me alone for a long time. I blamed Suho too, and everyone else except Tao and Kris because they’d been locked up. I was just so angry, and hurt, and I couldn’t…couldn’t handle the thought that it was my fault that I was alone. I was lashing out at anything, looking for any reason, and at the time it was the best one I could come up with. Kris was the one who talked me down, made me remember that you had all suffered too, wondering just how bad it was, or if we were even really alive anymore. Part of the reason why I’m doing this, and I’m sure you know this already, is because I’m still so mad that it happened.” He smiled a little ruefully. “It may be childish of me to hold a grudge for this long, but seeing how badly Lu Han was hurt and how Sehun took it…Sehun was my first friend, I love them both so much and I was absolutely powerless to help them.”

Jongin knew he was about to cry, and he looked away from Yixing. “That was torture, watching what they had to go through. Bad enough losing a friend but…it made me realize just how much Sehun loves Lu Han. He was destroyed when Lu Han was Lost, I felt like I was watching them both die. That kind of hurt doesn’t just go away, and as childish as it sounds I need to blame someone. It has to be someone’s fault. I want to know who tampered with our ship. It was built by a Guardian, it should have been able to avoid the asteroids and it didn’t. Whoever did that cause Lu Han to get hurt, and they need to pay for that.”

After a few moments, Jongin felt a hand on his shoulder. “I am so sorry that this happened to you,” Yixing said tearfully.

Jongin wiped his eyes, but he couldn’t stop the tears from falling. “I know you are, and I’m sorry for the way I treated you that first week.”

Yixing laughed a little. “Actually I had pretty much forgotten about it.”

Jongin looked up again and managed to smile. “Chen said the same thing.”

“You told him all of this?”

“He’s my husband now, I told him I was sorry a long time ago, before I even told him why I was so mad.”

“But you did tell him that,” Yixing clarified.

“Only recently,” Jongin admitted. “After we were married. I wasn’t ready to talk about it before then.”

Yixing held up his fingers. “So you’ve only told me, Chen and Kris so far?”

Jongin nodded. “I’ll probably tell the others at some point. I’m sure Suho already knows but the others…I need time. I don’t like talking about it.”

“I understand that. And thanks for telling me, it really puts all this into perspective.”

“Has it made you change your mind?”

“No,” Yixing sighed. “I almost wish it did, but…I have to be honest with myself.”

“And I respect that,” Jongin said quickly. “I wouldn’t try to force you to change your mind.”

Yixing hesitated, biting his lip. “Kai…what if the Tree doesn’t approve of your plans?”

Jongin didn’t even have to think about his answer. “The Tree doesn’t control us. It wouldn’t try to stop me.”

“I’m not saying it would,” Yixing said, “Just…if it doesn’t think that you’re right, would it not affect you at all?”

Jongin shook his head. “No, it wouldn’t. But again, it would never happen. The Tree gives us free will, and it’s…seen part of what I went through. It knows I’m hurt. It probably knew I would want justice for what happened before I even did.”

Jongin could see the hurt on Yixing’s face. “Sometimes I wish the Tree was more controlling,” he said quietly. “If it was, maybe we wouldn’t be in this situation. Maybe it would have been able to explain things to the first generation, and we wouldn’t be like this.”

Jongin nodded. “That could have happened, but as I’ve been told before, you can’t think in ‘Maybe’ and ‘What if,’ or you’ll drive yourself crazy.”

Yixing gave him a sad smile. “After all that’s happened to us, do you really think that any one of us isn’t crazy?”

* * *

Kyungsoo felt like he was sleep walking. Images shivered in and out of his vision, he was staggering every few feet, and even though his brain felt like a waterlogged sponge, his skin was tingling with excess energy to the point where he wanted to crawl out of his own body.

“Kyungsoo?”

He looked up and found Xiumin sitting in front of him, concern etched on his face. “Are you okay? You look exhausted.”

Kyungsoo found it in him to smile. “I’m having really weird dreams lately,” he admitted. “I’m not sleeping very well.” He glanced over at Tao. “Tao doesn’t look much better,” he pointed out.

Xiumin frowned and huffed. “Every time I try to go over to him, Kris and Suho shoo me away. They say Tao just needs some time to himself, but I don’t think they know what’s wrong with him either. I’m betting it’s something to do with Kai.”

“Kai?” Kyungsoo echoed. “How did you figure that out?”

“Kai walked off with Tao a week ago and when they came back, Tao looked like he’d seen a ghost. He’s been like that ever since, and now you’re acting a lot like him.”

Kyungsoo waved his hand. “I've got nothing to do with Kai, I’m just tired.”

“I can see,” Xiumin said. “You want to room with me tonight? Come on, the apartment Kris and Suho are eyeing isn’t far away, I’ll help you walk.”

Kyungsoo fell asleep just outside the building, and Xiumin had to carry him up the stairs and tuck him into their shared bed. Kyungsoo woke up in the middle of the night, energy thrumming through his body and making him squirm. He sat up and for the first time all week, the world didn’t spin. He stretched his arms over his head, feeling better than he had in a while. He was about to get up and walk around a bit when he felt something shift, something imperceptible inside of him. He drew his legs up to his chest, his eyes darting around the room. He suddenly felt a lot less at ease.

Xiumin stirred in the bed beside him and slowly opened his eyes. “Kyungsoo, are you alright?”

“Hyung, wake up,” Kyungsoo said quietly. “I have something to ask you.”

Xiumin sat up and rubbed his eyes, shaking his head to clear his thoughts. “Okay, I’m awake, now what is it?”

Kyungsoo shifted uneasily. “What if…what if we got so strong that not even the Tree could control us?”

Xiumin gave Kyungsoo a confused look. “What are you talking about? Stop us from what?”

Kyungsoo looked over at him, and with his face half in shadow and lit only by the moonlight, he looked much older than Xiumin had ever seen him look. “I mean,” Kyungsoo said slowly, “What if it’s power was useless on us? Even when it’s trying to help?”

For a moment Xiumin was lost, and then as he put the question into perspective and realized just who he was talking to, it hit him and he gasped, almost falling off the bed in shock. “What are you saying?”

“You already know,” Kyungsoo said, his voice laced with awe. “My gift is back. The block the Tree put on me is gone.”


	46. The God Gene VII

“So,” Lu Han began, “I guess by now, Kai has talked to you about…what he wants to do when we go home.”

Sehun kept his eyes on the ceiling as he nodded. “He did.” The two of them were in their own house, lying on the softest mattress Sehun had felt in a while, and he desperately wanted to sleep but he knew that Lu Han wanted to talk about this.

Lu Han rolled onto his side and squirmed closer, until his head was on Sehun’s pillow. “What do you think about it?” He asked quietly, reaching for Sehun’s hand. He was hesitant, almost cautious as he laced their fingers together. Sehun felt his heart melt a little, it seemed like everything his husband did was incredibly sweet.

“I don’t know what to think,” Sehun sighed as he finally turned his head, his nose almost brushing Lu Han’s. “I’m almost inclined to stay out of it, but at the same time…Kai is my friend, and I want to help him.”

Lu Han nodded, leaning forward to kiss Sehun’s cheek. “I understand how angry he is,” Lu Han said quietly, “But...I don’t think I can bring myself to confront the Guardians like that. I think I would be more of a help if I kept to myself.”

Sehun gave Lu Han a confused look. “Kai would love to have you stand beside him.”

“I know,” Lu Han sighed. “I don’t really know how to explain it. But if you want to help Kai, I won’t try to stop you.”

Sehun nodded slowly. “Okay, I’ll think about it a little more.” But he really didn’t understand what Lu Han was trying to say. “Maybe I’ll stay out of it after all, who knows?”

* * *

Suho was having nightmares for the first time in years. Previously his nightmares had involved his memories of being abandoned, and as he got older they would be about his kids getting hurt while he stood unable to help them. Now he almost thought that he would rather have those nightmares back.

Kris shook him awake and Suho recoiled almost immediately, casting his eyes around the room as though expecting something to leap out at him. His teeth were chattering and he was shaking, his shirt was damp and it took him a moment to realize that it was sweat clinging to him.

“The nightmare again?” Kris asked, reaching out and wiping Suho’s face. He hadn’t even realized that he was crying. “Do you want to tell me about it?”

Suho frantically shook his head, sobs rising in the back of his throat. Kris sighed and held out his arms, and Suho fell into them, shaking with silent sobs.

“W-where’s Tao?” Suho forced out from his chattering teeth.

“He’s with Kai,” Kris said gently, rubbing Suho’s back in soothing circles. “I think they’re training together.”

Suho hid his face in Kris’ chest and sobbed harder. He was so glad that Tao wasn’t there, he didn’t want Tao to watch him break down like this. Now he understood what it was like for Kris all those years ago when had been in the Healers rooms, and it was awful.

Kris laid soft kisses on the top of Suho’s head, cheeks and even his nose. “Talk to me,” he begged. “I want to help you.”

But Suho only shook his head again. There was no way he felt like he could tell Kris that his nightmares were about watching people die in powerful tsunamis, or else drowning on dry land from a buildup of water in their lungs, courtesy of Suho himself.

* * *

Tao was on the verge of a panic attack, but he was doing his best to contain the worst of his freak out. Kai was eyeing him with apprehension.

“I don’t see anything,” Kai told him, looking around.

Tao shut his eyes and sat down on the ground, trying to ignore the rising hairs on the back of his neck and goose-bumps on his arms. “It’s the shadows,” Tao whispered, “When you look away…they move.”

“How do you know if they’re moving when you aren’t looking?”

“I just know!” Tao hissed. A shiver ran down his spine and he whimpered. “How long has it been?”

“Almost an hour.”

Tao shivered again and whined. “I hate this. I wish Kris was here…”

“You said you didn’t want him to come with us! I wouldn’t mind—”

“Not in here,” Tao whispered. “Just…closer.”

Tao had found that if he concentrated hard enough, he could keep his power contained to one specific location. He and Kai had practiced it before, and now they were trying to see how long Tao could keep it up. They’d made it to 45 minutes last time, now they were pushing for 65. Kai was keeping track in his head, and they had a stopwatch located outside the room that they were practicing on. Kris was about a hundred yards away with Suho, and Tao wished that he could just run right into Kris’ arms as soon as this was over, but Kris would know what he’d been doing and he didn’t want to have to explain what he and Kai were training for.

Tao swore he could feel the shadows coming alive around him and he could feel himself starting to tear up. “I want to stop,” he whimpered. “Kai…”

“Two more minutes, can you manage it?”

Tao covered his face, feeling the panic building inside of him. “I…I can’t!”

He lost his focus and at once he could feel time being restored. He fell onto his side and started to cry immediately, partially from fear and partially from shame.

Kai ran to retrieve the stopwatch, and once he’d done that he came back and sat by Tao’s side, running his fingers through Tao’s hair soothingly. “You made it past an hour,” Kai reminded him, “That’s an incredible record!”

But Tao shook his head. “Can you really not see anything?” He gasped, looking up at Kai. He couldn’t even really see his friend through his tears. “Is it…all my imagination? Am I crazy?” He started to cry harder.

Kai laid down next to him and put his arm around Tao’s waist, pulling him closer. “You aren’t crazy,” he assured. “Or if you are…it’s not because of this. Those shadows are real to you, Tao. The fact that I can’t see them doesn’t make them any less threatening.”

Tao continued to cry, and Kai tried to wipe his tears away. “We can stop if you want,” he reminded Tao for the hundredth time. “You don’t have to do this.”

But Tao wanted to do this, and Kai knew it. Tao wanted to understand his gift, know how it worked. But most of all Tao wanted to stop being afraid. He knew it was embarrassing for him to be breaking down like this after all this time. He was letting his gift control him, not the other way around, and he had to find some way to get over that, or else what kind of Guardian was he?

* * *

Suho was beyond exhausted, he hadn’t had a good night’s sleep in weeks, and he knew that something was wrong with Tao but he couldn’t think straight enough to figure out how to get it out of him. His head ached and his stomach churned at the smell of food, Suho couldn’t remember feeling this sick in his life and it was worrying the others too. It was getting hard for them to travel by foot, Suho couldn’t go very far without feeling like his head would split open. Sehun had come up with a temporary solution—a metal cart with an umbrella tied to it for shade. They were already using these carts to transport some of their belongings, but the thing rattled around so much that Suho had to line it with blankets and pillows before he could actually sit in it for extended periods of time.

“You don’t have a fever,” Kris murmured, pressing his hand to Suho’s head. Suho knew he didn’t have a fever, he didn’t have any kind of illness of the body, this was an illness in his mind.

Suho leaned his head into Kris’ hand sighed heavily. “Don’t look so worried, you’ll get wrinkles.”

Kris managed a smile at that. “Will you still love me if I have wrinkles?”

“No,” Suho teased, “I only like you for your dashing good looks.”

Kris gave Suho a gentle kiss on his forehead. “Well, I’ll always love you.”

“Even if I did something awful?” Suho asked in a small voice, so small he figured Kris didn’t hear, since he didn’t answer.

* * *

It was Xiumin’s turn to cook, but since they didn’t have Suho around to help them catch fish, there wasn’t a whole lot he had to do. He hoped that Kyungsoo and Sehun would have better luck finding fruits and vegetables, or they’d be hungry that night.

He looked up when he heard footsteps and saw Baekhyun standing in front of him, wringing his hands and looking worried.

“Can I talk to you for a minute?” Baekhyun asked in a small voice.

Xiumin nodded and moved aside on his log, making room for Baekhyun. He’d never seen his little brother look so unsure of himself before, and he’d be lying if he thought that Baekhyun had been okay lately.

“What’s up?” Xiumin asked, placing his hand on Baekhyun’s knee. “Is it your gift?”

“No,” Baekhyun whispered, his eyes trained on the ground. “No…it’s Chanyeol.”

“What about him?” Xiumin asked, confused. Chanyeol seemed fine to him.

Baekhyun hesitated for a moment. “Sometimes I wonder if…if Chanyeol and I rushed our relationship.”

Xiumin stared at Baekhyun in disbelief. “You’ve been together for years, I see the way you look at each other, you love each other very much—”

“I know,” Baekhyun moaned, holding his head in his hands. “I love him, I really do, it’s just…we fight so much,” he whispered tearfully. “And I mean, our physical relationship progressed very quickly,” his voice lowered even more, “Maybe too quickly.”

Xiumin really didn’t want to have that conversation. “So, you think that’s a problem?”

“Maybe,” Baekhyun said. “Because…it kind of made me fall for him even harder than I already was. At the time I knew that we didn’t always agree, but I didn’t realize how bad it was. There are times when I just want to scream at him, where I want to…to hurt him with my words, like I did when I was younger. I just don’t understand how his brain works sometimes, and it frustrates me because he can’t explain it to me, and we can’t find even ground. And then sometimes I…I make him cry, even now. And I hate that about myself.” He broke off with a sob.

Xiumin rubbed Baekhyun’s back slowly. “So is the problem with Chanyeol, or with you?”

“I don’t know,” Baekhyun sobbed. “Maybe both? But…I guess it is mostly me.”

“Well I’m not much for relationship advice,” Xiumin reminded Baekhyun, “But if you think that they physical aspect of your relationship is the problem, then why not stop…being physical for a while? I’ll let you and Chanyeol set the parameters for that, but try and see what happens.”

Baekhyun sniffed and wiped his eyes. “But what if Chanyeol doesn’t want that?” He asked timidly.

“Baekhyun,” Xiumin sighed, “If Chanyeol only loves you because you’re sleeping with him, he doesn’t deserve you, and I’m sure that’s not the case so I’m sure he’ll understand.”

Baekhyun managed a laugh and he hugged Xiumin tightly. “Thanks, hyung.”

* * *

Baekhyun felt like his heart was going to leap out of his chest with how fast it was beating. He kept stealing glances at Chanyeol from under his eyelashes, and it seemed like Chanyeol was falling asleep, but who knew how his mind worked? They’d crawled under the blankets like they usually did every night—well, except for the fact that they were in a totally different house of course—and it seemed like all was well, but Baekhyun really didn’t know what Chanyeol was thinking.

“I can feel you staring,” Chanyeol mumbled suddenly, and Baekhyun jumped.

“Am I that obvious?” He asked.

“I think it’s just because it’s you, and I know you so well.” Chanyeol answered, placing one hand on Baekhyun’s cheek.

Baekhyun smiled sadly. “Do you really?”

Chanyeol opened his eyes, staring at Baekhyun in confusion. “What do you mean?”

Baekhyun took hold of Chanyeol’s hand and squeezes gently. “Chanyeol, I love you so much, but…I think you have the wrong idea about me. This thing with Kai for example.”

Chanyeol’s confusion only seemed to deepen. “What about it?”

“I don’t need revenge, and I don’t want…I don’t need you to get revenge for me.” He paused, to make sure that Chanyeol was understanding him. “I am afraid that…I would kill someone by accident,” he admitted, “But I can take care of myself, and I don’t need or want you to feel like you have to do this for me. I'm not that kid locked away in a tower who needs someone to save him, not anymore.”

Chanyeol didn’t say anything for a few seconds, but finally he smiled. “Okay.”

Baekhyun frowned. “Okay?”

“Okay,” Chanyeol repeated. “I’m still going to help Kai, but I won’t do it for you.”

“Who are you doing it for, then?” Baekhyun asked, feeling like he’d missed something.

“Myself, I guess. I’m pretty stinking mad at the Guardians you know, and I guess I’ll do it because what they did to Suho was horrible, and I remember how bad it was for him, and no other child should have to go through what he did.”

“So that’s it?” Baekhyun exclaimed, sitting up. “It’s as easy as that?”

“Well, yeah,” Chanyeol said, sitting up as well. “I don’t want to upset you, Baekhyun. If you don’t want me to do this for you, then I won’t think of it that way, and I’ll keep my feelings for you out of this.”

“It’s that easy for you to separate the two?” Baekhyun pressed.

Chanyeol hesitated. “I don’t know,” He admitted. “Right now it is, but who knows how I'll feel when the time comes. I’ll work on it—this confrontation is a long way off, after all. I’ll think about how mad I am, and I’ll work on not being angry on your behalf.”

Baekhyun gaped at him. “You’re really okay with all this?”

Chanyeol leaned forward and kissed Baekhyun lightly on the lips. “Of course I’m okay with it.”

“And you’re okay with…not sleeping together for a while?”

Chanyeol nodded. “I guess you’re right. We do fight a lot, and I don’t like it either. I’m not sure if this will help, but we can at least try, right?”

Baekhyun felt like he was about to cry. “I really do hate fighting with you,” he choked. “And…sometimes I feel like I’m not good enough for you.”

Chanyeol was on him in an instant, hugging him and brushing his tears aside, kissing his forehead and cheeks. “Don’t ever say that,” he said frantically. “Don’t ever think that about yourself. You are good enough, you always have been and you always will be. Everybody has their faults, Baekhyun.”

“But my faults hurt you,” Baekhyun said mournfully. “How is that fair?”

“Mine hurt you, too,” Chanyeol reminded him, “If they didn’t, we wouldn’t be having this conversation. I think we just need to be a little more open with each other, and I think this is a good start.”

* * *

Sehun reached for Lu Han’s hand, squeezing gently. “Are you awake?” He asked quietly, even though he knew Lu Han had been awake for hours.

Lu Han rolled over, looking a little guilty. “Was I talking out loud?” He asked.

“No, I just…I can’t sleep.” It was a lie, and Lu Han knew it.

“Are you worrying about me again?” Lu Han asked, and he almost sounded bitter.

“I—yes,” Sehun admitted. “I feel like you’re not happy.”

Lu Han seemed to melt and he smiled, inching closer. “I am happy, you make me happy. It’s just…I’m thinking about the future, that’s all.”

Sehun sat up, leaning on one of his elbows. “What about the future?” He asked, brushing Lu Han’s hair off his forehead.

Lu Han caught Sehun’s fingers and held them still. “Sehun…when the time comes, I don’t know if I’ll be able to train a Guardian.”

Sehun felt panic begin to stir inside him, and he squashed it down. “Of course you will,” he said, trying to keep his tone light, but Lu Han saw through him.

“You horrible liar,” he chuckled even as his eyes filled with tears. “You already know, don’t you?”

Sehun sat up, clinging tightly to Lu Han’s hand. “We don’t have to talk about this,” he said desperately. “We can ignore it.”

“We can’t,” Lu Han countered, sitting up as well. “Not anymore. You have to have noticed that…that I’m not getting stronger.”

Sehun shook his head. “You barely use your gift, you don’t know what you can do.”

Lu Han sighed, tears welling up in his eyes. “I do know,” he said as gently as he could. “I know that I’m broken, Sehun. It’s not that I’m not using my gift, it’s that I can’t use it, not the way I used to.”

“But it’s only been a few years!” Sehun protested, starting to cry. “You were…you were very badly hurt for a long time, you can’t expect to heal from that overnight!”

Lu Han cradled Sehun’s face in his hands. “Yes, I was hurt very badly. What happened to me was awful, and it’s amazing I’ve recovered as much as I have, but…there is a part of me that will never be okay again.” He smiled as his tears started to fall. “And if I had to choose…this isn’t so bad. I’d rather lose my gift than my memories of you.”

Sehun sobbed openly, shaking his head. “Don’t say that,” he begged, “You love your gift, you’re so strong, you’re the strongest Guardian I know! That can’t be gone, I know…I know it isn’t…”

“It is,” Lu Han said firmly.

Sehun wanted to argue, but he knew it was useless. He had been in love with Lu Han for years, knew him well enough to have seen this coming. He lowered his head, accepting defeat. “What kind of hideous justice is this?” He asked. “It shouldn’t have come to this, to you being glad that it was…it was your gift that got taken away instead of your memory.” He started to shout. “This isn’t fair!” He looked up again and saw tears flowing freely down Lu Han’s cheeks.

“I know,” Lu Han said, his voice breaking. “I know it’s not fair. No one wishes more than I that you didn’t have to go through this.”

“Me?!” Sehun exclaimed. “What about me? Lu Han, I’m only thinking of you!”

Lu Han let out a laugh that sounded more like a hiccup. “I’m not, I’m always thinking about you now, and how guilty I feel for leaving you the way I did.”

“But it wasn’t your fault!” Sehun cried, and he threw his arms around Lu Han’s shoulders. “I don’t blame you, and I’m not angry with you!”

Lu Han clung to Sehun’s shoulders, trying to hold back his own sobs. “I’m angry with me.”

Sehun barely heard him. He knew who was to blame for this, all of it, and for the first time he was starting to understand just what had been taken from not only Lu Han and himself, but all of them. They hadn’t just lost their home, they had lost their sense of certainty and security, their lives had been turned upside down and inside out, and there was blame for that.

* * *

Jongin was shocked when Sehun turned up at his door in the morning. It was still early, Jongdae was only just walking up, but Sehun looked like he’d been awake for a long time. His eyes were red and he looked like he’d been crying, but he also looked very angry. Dust was swirling at his feet, a sure sign that he was furious.

“Can I help you with something?” Jongin asked cautiously.

“No, I’m here to help you,” Sehun said, sounding so calm it was almost unnatural. “I just wanted to let you know that I’m on board with your plan. I’ll do anything you ask of me, I just have one thing that I want.”

Jongin nodded, a little dumbstruck at how gung-ho Sehun seemed. “What is that you want?”

Sehun glowered, the dust began to swirl a little faster. “I want to have a few words with whoever it was that sabotaged our ship.”


	47. The God Gene VIII

Suho wanted nothing more than to stay on this bed, curled up in Kris’ arms, and never move again. Kris’ body temperature had warmed up a lot recently—his dragon mark made it possible for him to create fire much in the same way Chanyeol could, but not quite as powerful. Suho was feverish and it probably didn’t help him to stay in Kris’ embrace all day, but it was what he wanted. He felt sick all the time, he wanted to sleep but he knew his nightmares would eventually wake him up, sometimes having Kris there was the only thing that kept him from losing it.

It was selfish of him, but Suho didn’t want the others to see him like this. He especially didn’t want Tao to see him—he knew that Tao was dealing with his own problems, he didn’t need this too.

“I understand now,” Suho said, managing to crack a smile.

Kris paused in adjusting the blanket he’d cocooned Suho in. “What do you understand?”

Suho looked up at Kris with tears in his eyes. “Why you never wanted Tao to see you in the Healer’s rooms.”

Kris brushed his thumb under Suho’s eyes, trying to wipe away his tears. “Why are you crying?”

Suho grabbed Kris’ hand and held tight, as though he could absorb Kris’ strength through the gesture. “Remember when we were younger and you broke your wing? You were in the Healers rooms, and we all came to see you, and you didn’t want the younger kids to stick around and see you like that…” Suho could feel himself starting to break down and he struggled to keep his voice from breaking. “I’m so sorry that I didn’t chase them out. I’m finally understanding what it was like for you and I was so wrong…”

“No you weren’t,” Kris said gently as Suho began to cry in earnest. Kris gathered him in his arms and Suho hid his face in Kris’ shirt. “You kept them there because I needed reminding that I wasn’t alone.”

Suho shook his head. “It was still wrong. I should have waited until you felt better.”

“Why do I feel like I’m not going to convince you otherwise?”

“Because you won’t.”

Kris was playing with Suho’s hair, winding it around his fingers and curling the ends. Usually it calmed him down, but now Suho barely noticed it. “Baby, you know I love you, right?” Kris asked. “You know that you can tell me anything?”

Suho hiccuped and pulled back, keeping his eyes averted. “I…yes,” he lied.

Kris tried to scoot down and catch Suho’s gaze, but Suho closed his eyes. Kris sighed again. “What’s this awful thing you think you’ve done?”

Suho’s eyes flew open. “What did you say?”

“Did you think I didn’t hear when you asked if I would still love you, even if you’d done something awful? You fell asleep before I could answer, but of course I would say yes.”

Suho pushed at Kris’ arms and rolled over onto his other side, facing away from Kris. “You don’t know that.”

“I do know that,” Kris countered, scooting closer. He wrapped his arm around Suho’s waist and pulled him close, leaning over to kiss Suho’s cheek. “You can’t chase me away,” Kris said quietly but firmly. “No matter what you do, or say, I will never stop loving you. You used to say that you never felt like I needed you, but I’m telling you now that I do need you, Suho.” His voice cracked and it was the worst sound Suho had ever heard. “I need you,” Kris repeated, “And I’m afraid that if you…if you keep whatever is bothering you bottled up then I’ll lose you.”

Suho opened his mouth to lie, to tell Kris that he was being absurd and that obviously wouldn’t happen, but instead he leaned over the side of the bed and vomited. Kris scrambled to help him, trying to hold him up, and Suho flinched away.

“Don’t touch me,” he croaked before gagging again. He was choking, his nose was clogged and he had tears in his eyes. He had nothing in his stomach to throw up, but that didn’t make him stop heaving. Suho couldn’t see or breathe, and for a moment he truly felt like he was dying. He stopped heaving after a minute and rested his head against the mattress, feeling, if possible, ten times more awful than he had before. He felt the blanket being pulled loose from his shoulders, Kris scooped him up easily, carried him into the bathroom and laid him down in the bathtub. Suho kept his eyes closed, but he felt a cloth wiping at his lips, and then another cleaning sweat and tears from his face.

“I have some water,” Kris said, “Open your mouth.”

Suho obeyed without much thought, drinking only because his mouth tasted foul. Kris pulled the bottle away, a few seconds later Suho felt Kris’ hands tugging at his clothes and he swatted at his hands. Kris sighed turned on the faucet in the tub.

“Turn it off,” Suho moaned, kicking out and hitting the wall. He flinched with pain.

“Will you please stop?” Kris sighed. “You’re all sweaty, and quite frankly you stink. When is the last time you actually bathed? And I don’t mean wiping down with a washcloth.”

Suho couldn’t answer. He tried to gather his thoughts or even open his eyes, but Kris had turned the light on and it made his head ache. Suho tried to shield his eyes from the light and only succeeded in carelessly flopping his hand over his face. “Turn it off,” he said again, referring to the light and the tap.

Kris turned the light out, but continued to run the water. Suho could feel his clothes getting heavy, the water was rising to his waist and he started to panic.

“Kris, please,” he whispered, opening his eyes at last. He could barely make out Kris’ face, but it didn’t matter, he knew Kris could hear the desperation in his voice. “I’m begging you, turn off the water.”

Kris did as he asked. For a while they just sat, Suho trying to regain his breath, Kris trying to make sense of everything.

“What happened?” Kris finally asked. “Suho, please just tell me what’s wrong so I can help you.”

Suho closed his eyes again, feeling more tears slip free. “It’s my gift,” he admitted. “I…I’m afraid of it.”

“Why?” Kris pressed, cupping Suho’s face in his hands, wiping the tears away with his thumbs. “Make me understand.”

Suho looked up, finally able to see Kris clearly, and seeing the concern and love in his eyes just made Suho want to cry even more. “I can kill people, I’ve been dreaming about it. It’s all I see,” Now that he had started talking, he was finding it impossible to stop. “I dream about creating these huge tsunami’s, and I dream about drowning people in their own lungs and hearing them choke to death, and I stand there and watch and I do _nothing_ to stop it…” He broke off sobbing.

Kris lifted Suho up slightly, pulling him into a tight hug. “Why didn’t you tell me?” He asked, clutching Suho close to him. “All this time you’ve been going through this alone, you’ve made yourself sick over this, I could have helped you!”

“How could you help me?” Suho demanded, his voice rising and echoing sharply in the small room. He forced himself to lower his tone. “This is what I am now, this is—”

“This is what Kyungsoo said to us,” Kris said sharply, pulling back. “Remember? He asked how we expected to be able to help him, and you felt so awful because all you wanted was to make him feel better? Damn it, I knew this was about your gift! You think I didn’t recognize the signs? I was waiting for you to tell me because I didn’t want to force it out of you…” He paused, carding his fingers through Suho’s hair. “And look where it got us. Where it got _you_.”

Suho felt his lip quiver and he bit down on it. “Do you hate me?” He asked after a minute.

Kris let out a sound that was supposed to be laugh, but ended up a sob. “Of course not,” he said as he started to cry. “Didn’t I just say that I would always love you? Why would I hate you?”

“I lied to you, I made you worry. I’m…I’m a killer.”

“You think you’re the only one?” Kris asked incredulously. “Suho, if you go by that logic then we’re all killers, a hundred times over! We have been since we reached maturity! Chanyeol could have burned any number of people to death, and it would be so easy for Lu Han to drive someone insane or Chen to electrocute someone, but they didn’t! Just like you won’t kill anyone.” He stroked his fingers down the side of Suho’s face, and the gaze he fixed Suho with was nothing but loving. “Being strong doesn’t automatically make you dangerous, it’s what you do with that strength that determines what you are. You know this, Suho, I know you do. How can I hate you for this?”

“I hate myself,” Suho answered in a small voice. “I don’t want to hurt someone. And I’m afraid that it will happen by accident. That someone will threaten one of us…and I’ll just snap.”

Kris shook his head. “I believe that you’ll do the right thing. I have faith that you’re stronger than that, and if you aren’t then Tao or myself or anyone else will stop you.”

“Would you really be able to do that?”

Kris smiled, helping Suho lean back against the bathtub. “If I can’t, then I’m obviously not paying enough attention to you. You think I don’t know how to stop you in your tracks by now? I’ve been by your side for over a hundred years, you know.”

Once again Kris started to pull Suho’s clothes off. “Now, you really need to wash up.”

Suho felt his face heat up with embarrassment. “I know,” he muttered, pushing Kris’ hands aside to undress himself. His clothes were so heavy with water that his arms actually shook from the weight. Kris noticed and called him out on it.

“You also need to eat.” He fixed Suho with a serious look. “We’re going to work on this, you and I. I’m going to try to help you get to a point where you aren’t scared of yourself anymore, but first you need to get well again, and I’m going to help you with that as well.”

Suho looked down, trying to hide the fact that he was crying _again_ , but nothing got past Kris.

“Do you want a tissue?”

Suho laughed and covered his eyes. “I’m sorry, I don’t know why I keep crying…”

Kris touched his fingertips to the backs of Suho’s hands, and Suho pulled his hands away from his face to meet Kris’ gaze. “It’s okay,” he said, and that was all he said, but it made something break in Suho, and he started to cry for real. It reminded him vaguely of Kyungsoo when he finally allowed himself to feel all the pain he’d pushed aside. Suho cried so hard that his throat went raw from his sobs, until all he knew was Kris’ arms wrapped around him, holding him close. After a while he became aware that Kris was speaking, crooning the same words over and over.

“It’s okay, it’s all going to be okay.” And Suho believed him.

* * *

Xiumin gaped at Kyungsoo like he’d grown an extra head. He, Kyungsoo and Yixing were all in the same house, and it felt like Kyungsoo had just dropped a bomb on the place.

“You’re going to help Kai?” Xiumin repeated.

Kyungsoo nodded. “That’s the idea.”

“But why?” Yixing asked. “Last week you told us that you really didn’t care either way.”

“I had a change of heart,” Kyungsoo admitted, “But that’s not why I’m doing this.”

“It’s not?” Xiumin and Yixing chorused.

“No, I believe that the Guardians need to answer to this, but I also think that what Kai and his crusade needs is someone who is not quite as passionate as they are, do you know what I mean?”

“No,” Yixing said.

“Sort of?” Xiumin said hesitantly. “Basically you’re a spy.”

“A mediator,” Kyungsoo corrected.

“I’m pretty sure that’s not it,” Yixing disagreed.

“I’m pretty sure it is,” Kyungsoo said loftily. “But anyway, the point is that I’m going to make sure nobody gets hurt without reason.”

“Without reason?” Xiumin echoed.

Kyungsoo nodded. “Well if one of them attacks us first, which is highly unlikely I know, but in that case I wouldn’t stop Kai or anyone else from retaliating.” He hesitated. “Sehun agreed to help Kai, and I know he’s doing it for Lu Han. And Chanyeol…he’s angry, more than you would expect him to be.”

“How do you know this?” Yixing asked, sounding both awed and confused.

“I have a gift for this sort of thing,” Kyungsoo shrugged. “Kai and Chen have each other to lean on, and I truly believe that Tao doesn’t want to hurt anybody. Sehun and Chanyeol are the time bombs, and someone has to be there to keep an eye on them.”

“But would you be able to stop them if it came down to it?” Xiumin demanded. “I’m not just talking about them being your brothers, Kyungsoo, I’m talking about in terms of strength.”

“I’ll be able to,” Kyungsoo said with certainty. “I know I will. I have some tricks up my sleeve, things I haven’t told anyone.”

“Why?” Yixing asked, sounding disappointed. “Don’t you want to tell us?”

“I don’t know, it feels like…we’re all a little too close. Like we have no secrets. I don’t know about you two, but I feel like I need to have something to keep to myself, especially when it comes to _my_ gift.” And he knew both of them could hear the possessiveness in his voice when it came to his gift.

“Okay,” Xiumin said. “I can understand that. I just want to know that this is your choice, Kyungsoo.”

“It is,” Kyungsoo assured them.

* * *

Jongin watched Kyungsoo leave, still reeling from the shock of what his older brother had just told him and Jongdae. A few minutes after the door shut behind Kyungsoo, Jongdae sat on the bed next to Jongin and looked at him with narrowed eyes.

“He’s hiding something,” Jongdae said suspiciously. “I don’t like it.”

“I know,” Jongin replied. “He wants to keep an eye on us. It’s pretty obvious—”

“Not just that, it’s something bigger than that.”

Jongin rolled his eyes. “Oh please, we’re all hiding things.”

“Even you,” Jongdae said darkly.

Jongin turned to face his husband and cupped his cheek gently. “I have my reasons, love. You know this, I’ve said a million times it’s not just my secret to tell—”

“It’s something to do with Tao, isn’t it? That’s why you keep going off with him.”

Jongin wanted to smile, but he knew Jongdae would get angry if he did. “Is that jealousy I hear in your voice?”

Jongdae blushed and turned away. “Not the kind of jealousy you’re thinking about.”

Jongin brushed his fingers up and down Jongdae’s bare arm. He was wearing a thin tank top, and Jongin’s fingers left goose-bumps in their wake. “Why are you jealous then?”

Jongdae refused to look at him. “He has a part of you that I don’t, that I can never have. Your gifts are pretty similar after all.”

“Sounds to me like you already know what we’re doing,” Jongin said mildly.

“Experimenting with your powers,” Jongdae said. “I just haven’t decided for what. There’s a lot of possibilities, and you’re not going to tell me, are you?”

“Tao doesn’t want me to,” Jongin said defensively. “I owe him his privacy—this is harder for him than it is for me, you know.”

“You’re entirely too nice.”

Jongin scooted closer and rested his head on Jongdae’s shoulder. “If it works, I’ll tell you. Right now I just don’t want to get anyone’s hopes up. This thing that we’re doing could be a real game changer, Jongdae. I’m not ready to talk about it, not even with you.”

Jongdae sighed and held out his hand, palm up. Jongin took it, lacing their fingers. “I suppose I should trust you.”

“You don’t have to,” Jongin said. “I won’t stop you if you try to figure it out, but I will remind you that there it a bigger picture to be looked at.”

“Fine,” Jongdae sighed. “I’ll remember that.”

* * *

Suho hadn’t wanted anyone to see him, but that didn’t mean that they all didn’t find out what was going on. It was hard not to when Tao had a habit of crying in public.

“It’s really scary,” Tao admitted as the ten of them crowded around a small fire, Kris and Suho locked away by themselves. Tao had only recently come out to give them an update on Suho’s condition, and Yixing had the distinct impression that Tao was about to say more than he had been told to.

Tao went on in a hushed tone. “He’s scared of himself. Of what he could do if he ever…lost control.”

“Suho could never lose control,” Sehun piped up. He sounded so tired, resting limply against Lu Han’s side. “He’s never lost control once, not even during puberty, I remember.”

“It’s different now,” Tao whispered. “He’s afraid he’s too strong.” He eyed Kyungsoo. “You already threw off the block the Tree put on you.”

“The block was weak,” Kyungsoo interjected. “Because I was weak. It was strong enough to stop my powers before, but not strong enough to keep them off. The Tree could block me again, it would just need to use something stronger.”

“Even so, it’s scary to think about,” Tao said. “What if we got even stronger than the Tree someday?”

“That’s not possible,” Xiumin said, but those were empty words now. The group lapsed into silence.

Yixing’s brain worked in odd ways. He could go for a long time without a clear thought, but every now and then a burst of clarity would hit him like lightning, and he would see the world the way (he’d realized) he should have from the very beginning. This time, Yixing started to laugh, only barely managing to clap his hands over his mouth in time to muffle it, but everyone noticed anyway.

“What is your problem?” Baekhyun asked, not at all judging, more incredulous.

Yixing pulled his hands away from his mouth. “All this time,” he said, still breathless with laughter, “I was afraid because I thought we were becoming like Gods.” He laughed again. “We were so strong, I was so strong, I was raising the dead! And we’re all just so powerful, we’re impossible! We shouldn’t exist, but here we are, and we’re not gods!”

The smile slipped from Yixing’s face just as quickly as it had come, and his eyes filled with tears. He looked around the circle, feeling like he was really seeing his family for the first time in years.

Kai could puff up his chest all he wanted, he was still just a little kid who was afraid of being abandoned. Chen talked a good game now, but he still clung to Kai like he was afraid of losing the one truly good thing in his life.

Baekhyun seemed to exhale exhaustion, and Chanyeol followed him around like a lost puppy because he didn’t know what to do to help, and they might never understand each other.

Sehun was out for blood, but he too was like a child in the way he thought revenge could bring Lu Han all the way back. Lu Han, with the faraway look in his eyes replacing his bright optimism, Lu Han who still hated himself.

Xiumin was just tired—it dripped off him like water, seeping into his every movement. It went beyond a need for sleep, he was tired of being torn between his family and his morals. Kyungsoo could act like he wasn’t fazed by the return of his gift, but in reality he was a mess of nerves.

Tao was afraid for everyone, but mostly himself, Kris and Suho. Their relationship was so young, and Suho was so ill, and Tao was caught in the middle after years of being babied, without a clue as to how to care for Suho now.

Kris was giving his all to Suho, so afraid that he would lose not only his fellow leader but also his best friend. And Suho just wanted everything to be alright, whatever that was. Because when had things ever been truly alright?

When Yixing looked at his brothers, all he saw was the same bone-deep exhaustion that came from wandering a planet for decades.

“We’re not gods,” Yixing repeated bitterly. “We’re a bunch of scared, tired kids, that’s what we are. However we ended up here, whoever’s fault it was, we can’t change the fact that we have no idea what we’re doing. We don’t have a home. We don’t belong here.”

There was a stunned silence, broken only by Tao’s occasional hiccups.

Finally they heard Kris speak from behind them. “Then maybe,” he said, and they all turned to see him standing there, Suho propped up on his arms, weak but his fever obviously broken. “Maybe it’s time we make our own home.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original notes:  
> The next drabble is going to pick up where this one leaves off but it's going to be a lot more lighthearted and focus on other things besides incredible powers, and I also have plans for some group bonding stories as well as a visit back to when the Guardians were still young.


	48. We Built this City

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Helpful links:  
> http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gyeongbokgung
> 
> Map- http://www.art-and-archaeology.com/korea/seoul/gyeongbokgungmap.jpg
> 
> Throne room (Geunjeongjeon) exterior - http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/f/fd/Seoul_Gyeongbok-gung-3.jpg/1024px-Seoul_Gyeongbok-gung-3.jpg 
> 
> Throne room interior - http://static2.davidkennardphotography.com/Img/604-Geunjeongjeon-Throne-Room.jpg 
> 
> ceiling detail - http://mw2.google.com/mw-panoramio/photos/medium/74305544.jpg
> 
> “Dining hall”- http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/e/ec/Gyeongbokgung-Gyeonghoeru-02.jpg

Kris pointed the place out on a map.

“It’s called Gyeongbok, it’s an old Palace,” He told them. “We haven’t been there before, but we’ve been near the area. It’s not far, maybe a week to walk, and it’s surrounded by a lot of modern buildings. We can take what we want from those places—furniture and stuff, and just put it in the Palace.”

“Is it near the Tree?” Kai asked.

“A little further than the Sanctuary back home was,” Kris admitted. “But I think it’s okay. In any case, we’ll still be alone for a few hundred years, and we need some place that we can leave all of our crap.”

And looking around, they had collected an incredible amount of stuff over the past few decades.

“What about electricity and plumbing and stuff?” Kyungsoo asked skeptically. “It’s a few hundred years old, it wouldn’t have that sort of thing.”

Suho was the one who answered. “We were actually heading over there when we found you guys. Before everyone left, we heard rumors that people had started living there, converting it into a more modern facility. They had the idea that they could take shelter there, it was big enough for a few hundred people, and they could fight off raiders and the like, keep their food safe.”

There was a collective shiver around the group. “What had these people become towards the end?” Sehun asked.

“Desperate,” Yixing said flatly. “I say we go there and see what’s left—it’ll be big enough for us and the next generation, right?”

“Should be,” Kris said. “Assuming it hasn’t burned down. And anything that hasn’t been modernized shouldn’t be too difficult to do ourselves. I’ve been looking at how plumbing and electricity works, if I can get enough good pieces from the surrounding areas, I think I can duplicate it.”

“You’ll have to turn on the generators first,” Tao said, “Do you know where it is?”

Kris nodded. “The place has its own. Or it should, but we’ll find out when we get there.”

“If they even turned it off at all,” Lu Han added. “Most of this stuff seems to have just been abandoned with haste, remember all the times we’ve walked into a house and the lights were all on?”

“It’s funny,” Chanyeol said, “I remember reading back home about how everyone here had jobs, and a lot of them had to do things like running electrical plants and—”

“Plants?” Yixing interrupted, confused, “Like, flowers?”

“No, no,” Chanyeol said with a wave of his hand, “Like big, industrial areas. They had to run the sewer systems as well, make sure everything flowed smoothly, but now that they’re all gone it works fine.”

“That’s because we’re only twelve people,” Kris pointed out as he folded his map. “We go to cities that were designed to support hundreds of thousands, if not millions, of people. The little bit of water, electricity and plumbing that we use didn’t cause problems.”

“And towards the end,” Suho said suddenly, his eyes distant. “Things didn’t need monitoring. The waste management and electricity plants started to be entirely self-contained and barely needed any human instruction or repair. It was all computers and robots, whatever that means. I heard a lot of people talking about it. I bet you anything that it’s still running, has been all this time.”

He and Kris stood up and everyone took that as their cue to start packing. After a few minutes, Tao sighed. “We won’t be twelve people forever,” he said quietly. “If something does go wrong, how do we fix it?”

“Well,” Kris said, looking at Kyungsoo, “A lot of that stuff is underground. Pipes are metal here but they can be replaced with—”

“Rock?” Kyungsoo finished, “Like, if I were to make the ground around it so tightly packed that nothing could get through, it could work?”

“Can you do that?” Kris asked, even though he knew the answer.

“Of course I can!”

“And I’m sure I can do something with the electricity,” Chen added, “If the need arises.”

“See?” Kris said with a grin. “We can do this. We can be self-sufficient.”

“How do you say the name of this place again?” Baekhyun asked.

“Gyeongbok Gung,” Kris repeated. “Gung means Palace, like for Kings and Queens.”

“It sounds like it would belong in our language,” Kyungsoo said, “But we didn’t have Kings and Queens.”

“We won’t have them now,” Kai said shortly. “It’s going to be Gong Byuk Sanctuary from now on.”

“Gyeongbok,” Suho corrected.

“Whatever,” Kai muttered. “First thing we do is change the name.”

* * *

It was weird to be at a place with so much History, Kris thought, and not fully understand it’s significance. Everyone realized it as they stood at the grand front gate, taking in the cracked concrete that had once been a street and the small shrubs growing out of it, but the gate stood proud and tall. A little faded, but the red and green paint and sheer size of the thing was no less impressive. And this was just the gate.

“Is it okay for us to be here?” Kyungsoo asked suddenly, making everyone jump. “I mean, this place was a museum…”

“People had already started to live here before we arrived,” Kai said brusquely. “Besides, they abandoned the entire planet, this place is as good as ours. If they ever come back and want it back, then fine. They can have it.” And he shouldered his bag and stalked up to the gate, and shoved his shoulder into the middle of the three doors, opening it with a sharp squealing sound.

“Iron, rusted,” Kris said, rubbing his ears.

They all saw Kai drop his bag. “Holy shit, dude.”

“Where do you learn words like that?” Suho grumbled as he walked forward. Then he too dropped his bag. “Shit.”

Kris felt his heart beat a little faster. “Is it ruined?” He asked, hurrying forward with ten other boys, crowding into the narrowly opened door. When they all got through, they were all in awe.

It wasn’t ruined, not totally. It was clear that there had been, at one point, a courtyard filled with paving stones, but those were almost all crumbling to allow grasses and plants to poke through. In front of them stood what Kris knew to be the second gate, not as tall but made almost even more impressive by the dramatic red paint and peaked, black roof.

“How many gates are there?” Kai asked.

“Three in the front,” Kris answered. “And then three more, one on each side.”

They passed over a small bridge leading to the second gate, and then they got to the third. It too was in good condition, and any work the gates need could wait a few more years. The third gate had the most impressive entrance.

“Why’s it so damn tall?” Sehun grumbled, peering up to look at it.

“Keep watch for invaders?” Chen guessed.

Then they finally got to the inner court and once more all twelve lapsed into shocked silence.

“So,” Kris said, looking down at the map, “That’s the Geunjeongjeon, where the King’s throne was.”

“So,” Suho asked, “Is that our dining hall, then?”

“No,” Kris said, glancing down and grinning. “That’s Gyeonghoeru.”

“And where is that?” Tao asked.

“A ways away yet.”

“So,” Lu Han said, looking like he was trying not to laugh, “What will we use this for?”

“Why don’t we go inside and check it out?” Kyungsoo asked.

It was the first building they went into, and they were all shocked when they went inside. Kris’ eyes immediately went to the elaborate ceiling, which was slightly damaged from the modern lighting that had been installed, but was still very impressive.

“How did they do this?” Chanyeol asked in awe, turning in circles as he stared. “It’s amazing.”

They were so busy looking at the ceiling, it was a while before they noticed the floor.

“Hey!” Tao yelled suddenly, “Somebody left their stuff!”

They all looked down and saw that the floor was littered with clothing and shoes, as well as things like games and books.

“I guess we could use this as a reception room?” Xiumin suggested. He eyed the large throne. “Not sure what we’ll do with that thing.”

“Maybe we should just leave it,” Baekhyun said. “As a tribute to the people who once lived here.”

“Either idea could work,” Kris said with a shrug. “Shall we continue?”

They moved on to Sajeongjeon, a meeting place for the king, and the two adjacent buildings, neither of which were as big as the throne room. Then they made it to Gangnyeongjeon, the king’s bedchamber.

“Could you ask for a more perfect building?” Suho gasped. The room was divided into fourteen sections, seven on each side. The walls had been opened up, but that’s an easy fix. “Look at it, it’s like it was made for us!”

“For you, maybe,” Jongin said doubtfully, knocking on the walls. “These aren’t exactly soundproof, you know.”

Chen snorted and it took a moment for Kris to catch on to the meaning. “Okay,” Kris said, holding up his hands. “There’s two other buildings on each side of this, what’s say we connect them and make the whole complex our rooms? That should give us enough space, and we can double up the walls.”

“We’ll have to test it first,” Baekhyun said seriously, and almost everyone dissolved into giggles.

“I don’t get it, what’s so funny?” Yixing asked.

Suho walked over to him and hugged him tightly. “I hope you never change,” he sighed.

They moved on to Gyeonghoeru, the dining hall.

“Okay,” Lu Han gasped. “I can see us eating here.”

It was beautiful, a large building mounted on a set of impressive pillars and surrounded by water. The two flanking wooden staircases leading up to it were relatively intact, but Kris thought that they would be one of the first things to be replaced.

“Got you covered,” Kyungsoo said when he voiced this out loud. He stomped his foot on the ground, there was a screeching sound as the wood stairs splintered apart, then there was a rumbling and crunching as a pair of stone steps rose in their place.

“Awesome,” Kai breathed. Then. “Hey, do you think you could do that with the bedrooms?”

“No,” Kyungsoo laughed as they ascended the stairs. “But I could use it to connect a bunch of the rooms, so—HOLY CRAP!”

It was a cry echoed by all once they got to the room at the top of the stairs. It was huge and open, but that wasn’t what everyone was focused on.

“Look at this view,” Suho whispered. “It’s amazing.”

They stood in that building for a long time, taking in the sight of the courtyard as it stretched beyond them, and the surrounding lake and gardens. It was a while before any of them spoke.

“It doesn’t feel like home yet,” Tao said, his voice cracking a little, “But it feels comfortable.”

“Yeah,” Kai agreed, sniffling a bit. “It really does.”

It was a while before they ventured out to take in the rest of the buildings. Most of them are self-explanatory. There was the queen’s chambers, which they planned to use to house the next Generation of guardians, the library complex, a room where the prince studied (which they will appropriately use for a school room), kitchens, housing for non-royals, possibly to be converted for attendants and a medical wing. Each building was in remarkably good condition, though there were piles of clothing and even some rotting food that needed to be cleaned out.

“Well,” Kris said at the end of a very long day. “We have some work cut out for us, but like Suho said, a lot of the really hard work seems to have been done for us. There’s lights and plumbing, even in the old buildings, and stuff like furnishing will be easy. Tomorrow we’ll start drawing up plans to connect everything and transform the rooms, and then we’ll get to work on cleaning up. Agreed?”

Everyone was too tired not to agree, and so the twelve of them made their way back to their new sleeping quarters, where they dissolved into half-hearted bickering over who would sleep where and eventually collapsed in a pile in the middle of the room. They were all just about asleep when suddenly—

“Oh my god!” Yixing wailed, “You guys were talking about sex, weren’t you?!”

“By the Tree,” Suho muttered, burying his face in Tao’s chest.

“Gross, yuck, you guys keep your weird habits quiet and away from me!”

“Yixing,” Kai sighed, “I cannot promise quiet, not at all.”

Lu Han laughed hysterically and Suho whimpered. “Kris, make them shut up.”

Kris decided to pretend he was already asleep.

* * *

Aside from the stray belongings left behind (a few of which they actually could make good use of, they were always in need of new shoes and socks), the group also came to realize that there were a lot of stray animals left behind in the palace courtyard as well. They stumbled across several cats already, including a mother and a litter of four kittens. Lucy was making herself at home with them, but Keen and Daisy weren’t having so much luck.

“I can’t believe those dogs are still alive,” Kyungsoo remarked as he watched them chase a calico cat into a bunch of bushes. He and Kris were supposed to be sweeping, but Kyungsoo was letting Kris do most of the work. “Even if being with us has made some of the Tree’s magic rub off on them, shouldn’t they be dead by now?”

Kris almost smacked him upside the head. “Keep your voice down,” he hissed. “If I hear you mention the ‘D’ word around Chen, Sehun, Lu Han or Yixing, I will soak your pillow in something foul-smelling.”

Kyungsoo rolled his eyes but mimed zipping his lips shut.

“Wouldn’t you miss them if they died?” Kris asked. “They’ve been with us for nearly a hundred years.”

“It’s not natural, all dogs go to heaven, you know.”

“Whatever,” Kris mumbled. “Just don’t talk about it. We’re finally having some good moments, don’t ruin them.”

Kyungsoo was about to retort, but fell silent as Yixing came bounding over.

“Hi,” Yixing called, skidding to a halt in front of Kris and nearly knocking into him. “So, I’m going to go for a walk, but I may be gone for a few days, okay?”

“What kind of walk takes _a few days_?” Kris sputtered.

Yixing grinned and shrugged. “I guess you’ll find out.”

He started to skip away and Kris called after him, “Make sure you bring clothes and water with you!”

Yixing waved and Kris turned to Kyungsoo with a slightly horrified expression. “Is it me?” He asked. “It’s him, right? It’s not just me?”

“It’s him, but he’s always been like this. Remember that time he wandered off and Baekhyun brought him home? Where was he, anyway?”

“As if I remember,” Kris muttered.

When Yixing came back a few days later, he had with him about twenty cows, a bull, ten horses, a few goats, thirty or so sheep, and an entire flock of hens and roosters.

“Right then,” Suho said when Yixing finally shut the gate (the first one, the second one was still closed off and the animals were all secured in between) after the last goat had come scampering in. “How did this happen?”

Yixing beamed at them. “Well, I got to thinking one day that it’s been a long time since any of us had milk, you know.”

“I can’t drink milk,” Tao said, “Neither can Xiumin.”

“Wait,” Kris yelled, “This happened because you were thinking about milk?!”

“Kinda,” Yixing said, bouncing a little. “And eggs.”

“The horses are a surprise,” Chen remarked.

“I love horses!” Yixing cried. “We had one when I was growing up—oh and I have saddles, but I don’t think these horses have been broken. I can do that, though!”

“it’s a good idea though,” Lu Han said. “I mean, if we’re settling down then it makes sense that we have some nice things, right? Like perishable foods. A few of us grew up on farms, we know how to make milk and butter, and collecting eggs is easy. We can get goat milk too, we can sheer sheep and make our own blankets and stuff—we can use the horses to get around the grounds if we want!”

“We even have a barn!” Sehun reminded them. “This is fantastic! Yixing, where did you find all of these animals?”

“More importantly, how did you get them to follow you and can you teach me?” Chanyeol asked excitedly.

Yixing’s eyes lit up. “I would be happy to show you! Right after I get some sleep.” And he promptly laid down on the ground and passed out.

Suho gave Kris an exasperated look. “Your child,” he muttered. “All yours.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original notes:  
> Why yes, that is a reference to ‘Road to Eldorado’ near the end there.
> 
> This chapter was painstakingly researched. I was flipping back and forth between the map of Gyeongbok Gung and the wikipedia page of what each building was (not all of them are even on Wikipedia) and then I was google imaging the damn things and I was just…
> 
> I HOPE YOU APPRECIATE WHAT I GO THROUGH FOR YOU. Anyway the result is it’s not as fluffy as I was hoping, but it’s better than the other chapters were.
> 
> Also, one of my lovely readers, EunHae_AKTF, has informed me that she went to Korea and has pictures of this palace, and kindly linked me to them, so go to her blog and make sure you check them out--her pictures are a lot better than the ones that Google gave me! http://www.asianfanfics.com/blog/view/675335


	49. Darling Don't You Ever Grow Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Continuity: Sometime around chapter 4 of AWE.  
> WARNING FOR AWKWARD EXPLANATIONS OF HOW SEX WORKS

Suho knew that Kai had a penchant for sweating. The kid worked hard, it’s not easy to rip time and space apart and walk between the cracks, as Kai had put it before. It’s exhausting, mentally and physically. A couple of his fellow guardians had the same problem—Chanyeol frequently sweats a lot, as did Kyungsoo and Tao. Nobody thought twice about stripping off their outer robes and walking around in their undershirts and pants, or just the pants if it was really bad. But ever since Kai turned thirteen…seeing him walk around half naked had started making Suho very, very upset. He had taken to carrying an extra robe around with him and trying to make Kai wear it whenever he could.

“Stop!” Kai whined, squirming out of the robe and pouting. “I’m hot, I’m going to get heatstroke at this rate!”

Suho felt his eye twitch. “We have guests, you have to be proper.” A group of travelers had gotten stuck in the snow when a few of their carriages had been damaged by the bad weather, but really, they had been at the sanctuary for two weeks. They were overstaying their welcome.

Kai bristled. “Then I’ll just spend the day in my room!” He hollered, and marched off, still half-naked.

Suho hissed under his breath and ran to find the only person who could understand him.

He barged right into the room he shared with his fellow leader. “Kris!!”

Kris jumped, splattering the table with ink—luckily it seemed to miss his homework. “What? What’s wrong?”

Suho glowered. “Kai is walking around indecently.”

Kris narrowed his eyes. “It’s not my problem. Not my kid, not my problem.”

“Yes it is!” Suho cried, throwing down the robe. “He’s my kid but he’s your little brother, too! And there’s people around, people who aren’t like us—”

“What do you mean, not like us? They’re like us.”

“No,” Suho insisted. “They’re not. And if I ran this place I would have kicked them straight out. Do you see the way they look at us? At Kai?! They stare at him like, like…like they want to eat him! Like he’s a piece of meat!”

“You’re being dramatic,” Kris said, but he did look worried.

“I’m not! I know what I see, I know how they look at him! Kris, that’s my _baby_ they’re looking at like…like they want to defile him!”

“They wouldn’t,” Kris said quickly, standing up and rushing over to comfort Suho (he was near tears). “They know Kai is underage.”

“Do they?” Suho asked hysterically. “He doesn’t look it. He’s only thirteen but he looks like a man, Kris. He’s growing up and I…I don’t like it.”

“He has to grow up sometime, they all do. At some point, we need to acknowledge that.”

Suho sank to his knees, shaking his head. “Not now, not at thirteen years old! Not with…one of these people! What if he falls for one of them before he knows what love is?”

“You didn’t have that problem with Sehun,” Kris pointed out.

Suho glared at him. “Sehun knows what love is, Sehun knows what it’s like to be loved. Kai doesn’t, or he’s still learning. It took me so long to build up what I have with him and I still feel like he doesn’t understand how I can love him. He hates himself, Kris, he’s not emotionally mature enough to fall in love and with the way these people are looking at him…I can’t help but worry that they’ll make him grow up too fast!”

Kris was quiet for a while. Then, “I see now. I know you really love Kai. He is your baby, after all.”

“You would feel the same if it was Tao,” Suho said.

But Kris shook his head. “Tao isn’t my baby. I was never a parent to him, I was never anything more than a good friend.” He laughs a little sadly. “I couldn’t even be a proper brother to him, I didn’t know how.”

“Well, you’d feel the same anyway.” Suho huffed and pouted. “When are these people leaving? Their carriages must be fixed by now, the weather is fine…what’s taking so long?!”

“I don’t know.”

Suho hated feeling so helpless. Kai didn’t want his help, he though Suho was being overbearing. Suho kept a close eye on him at dinner that night, watching the group of teenagers that were eyeing Kai. They were about Suho’s own age, and one thing was for sure, they had no business looking at Kai that way. And Kai was totally oblivious to it all! It was not good, and Suho had a really bad feeling about it all. He tried to approach Kai about it after dinner, but Kai vanished before he could. The bad feeling stayed with Suho, so he went off to search. He circled around the whole Sanctuary before coming back to the dining hall, and that’s when he heard voices. They were coming from inside, and he was just out of sight of the doors.

“We’re leaving soon, I just want to try something before I go.”

It was a girl, probably one of the ones who had been eyeing Kai for the last two weeks. Suho decided to stay hidden for the time being, but he wouldn’t leave. Maybe she knew where Kai was.

“What do you want to try?”

That was Kai. Suho’s stomach dropped. Oh no, this couldn’t be good.

“Just something fun.”

“…what is it? Tell me.”

“She wants you to kiss her.” It was a boy speaking, and Suho bit back a gasp. There were two of them?!

“No,” Kai said firmly. “I don’t want to.”

“What?” The girl asked incredulously. “Why?”

“Kissing is only for married people. I learned that the hard way from a friend of mine. And I don’t want to kiss you.”

“What the…why not?!”

“Because I don’t like you.”

“It’s just a kiss, Kai,” the boy scoffed. “What are you, a baby? Haven’t you kissed anyone before?”

“Yes, I just told you, and he yelled at me for it.”

“Well he was an idiot,” the girl sniffed.

“Oye!” Kai yelled, “Don’t talk about my friend that way!”

“I won’t if you kiss me.”

“I said no!”

“Just do it for crying out loud, I want something to remember you by!”

“Let go of me! Ouch—”

Suho burst into the doors. The girl had Kai by the wrist, and the other boy was standing by the side watching. He was older, Suho realized. Old enough to know better.

“Let go of him,” Suho ordered coldly. The girl dropped Kai’s wrist and Kai backed away from her, glaring.

Suho turned his gaze to the boy. “Shame on you,” he growled. “He said no, why didn’t you stop her?”

“She wasn’t hurting anyone,” The boy sneered. “She just wanted a kiss, she didn’t want to f—”

Suho lashed out, a whip of water cracking next to the boy’s ear. The boy jumped, as did the girl.

“I’d choose your next words very carefully if I were you,” Kris said from behind Suho. The Tree only knew when he had gotten there.

Kai looked upset. He was backing away from the boy and girl, and Suho held his hand out to him. “Kai, come here.”

Kai ran over and grabbed onto Suho’s hand. Suho fixed the pair with a glower. “Stay the hell away from him,” he growled, and then he marched out, Kai hurrying along with him. Kris took up the rear, slamming the hall doors shut behind him.

Suho lead Kai to his and Kris’ room, and as soon as the door closed behind them he turned to Kai and started fussing.

“Are you okay? Did she hurt you? Baby, let me see your wrist…”

“’M okay,” Kai mumbled as he held out his wrist.

“Are you sure?” Suho asked, choking up a little as he inspected the damage. “It looks like she grabbed you pretty tightly.”

Kai sniffled and Suho felt his heart break. “Oh sweetie, does it hurt? Do you want me to take you to the healers?”

“No,” Kai said shakily, and then he burst into tears.

Suho held out his arms and Kai fell into him, sobbing into his robes. “It’s okay,” Suho crooned, rubbing Kai’s back gently. “Shh, baby, you’re okay now. You’re okay…”

“What happened?” Kai askd, “Why was she so insistent? Why did she care so much? Why…why was I scared of her?”

Suho felt like he’d swallowed ice. He looked at Kris over Kai’s head and saw the same shock he felt reflected on Kris’ face. “You were scared?” Suho asked.

Kai nodded and clutched Suho tighter. “She looked mad, she was pulling on my arm…and I wanted to leave but I couldn’t…I couldn’t pull away from her and…I didn’t even think about teleporting! I’m so _stupid_ …”

“No, no you’re not,” Suho said at once. He guided Kai over to his bed and made him sit. Kai continued to cry, and it broke Suho’s heart even more. “It’s not your fault. She was trying to make you do something you didn’t want to do, making you feel like you were cornered and had no choice, and that’s not okay.” He placed his fingers under Kai’s chin and tipped his head up. “Nobody has a right to make you feel like that, baby. You’re not stupid, you’re very smart, and it’s not your fault that you were afraid. Hopefully this will never happen again, but if it does then just know that you have a right to refuse people who try to make you do something against your will, and you don’t have to feel bad for it.”

Kai sniffled and wiped his nose. Kris discreetly handed him a tissue.

“Can I stay here tonight?” Kai asked.

Suho grinned. “Of course, honey.”

* * *

“We need to have a talk with them.”

Kris looked up from his homework and frowned. “I can’t get anything done with you around, you know that?”

Suho ignored him. It had been a week since the incident with Kai and the girl, and three days since the group of travelers had finally cleared out. “We need to talk to the younger kids about consent. And sex. And puberty, I guess.”

“You’re a little late on that last one,” Kris pointed out.

“I know, I procrastinated, but it has to be done,” Suho said with a wave of his hand. “We have to start there if we’re going to end with consent. It’s going to be Kai, Sehun, Tao and Chen, okay?”

That made Kris frown. “Not Chen, he’s not ready for that.”

“Kris…”

“I get Kai and Sehun,” he said firmly, “And I understand Tao. They’re curious, or they have people they love. Chen has no interest in sex, and I feel like it’s just unnecessary right now. He’s just…he doesn’t need that.”

But Suho had been prepared for this argument. “If you don’t tell him yourself, he’ll hear about it from Kai.”

Kris went absolutely pale. “Okay, let’s round these kids up.”

* * *

Suho couldn’t tell if Sehun was genuinely not understanding, or if he was just being thick on purpose because it was making Kai giggle. Not that it was hard, he’d been giggling from the beginning.

“So wait,” Sehun interrupted, “Why does it feel nice? I don’t get it, I touch my arm a lot and that doesn’t feel particularly amazing.”

Kai buried his face in his hands as he exploded into another round of giggles. Tao looked utterly blank, and Chen kept shaking his head, looking close to tears. Maybe Kris was right, maybe they should have left him out of this.

“It’s different for sex organs,” Kris said bluntly, “It feels different because it’s supposed to encourage reproduction.”

“But if you’re alone, then you’re not reproducing, so what’s the point?”

“Well,” Kris explained, “The human body isn’t that evolved not to respond to its own touch. Like if you accidentally bite your tongue, you didn’t mean to hurt yourself but the fact is that you did, right? Does that make sense?”

Sehun nodded thoughtfully. “I guess. But if that’s how men and women do it, then what’s it like for boys?”

Kai raised his hand. “I know, I know!”

“How do you know?!” Chen and Suho screeched at the same time.

“It’s like—” Kris started, but Chen screamed and covered his ears.

“I don’t want to hear it! I don’t want to hear it!! Ugh, this is so weird!!”

He really looked so uncomfortable, and Suho knew that this was as far as they would go. “Okay,” he and Kris said at the same time.

Chen looked surprised. “Really? That’s it?”

“We’re not done here,” Kris said firmly, “But we’re not going to talk about schematics anymore, if you have questions about that then you can come to us on your own time. We mostly just wanted you guys to know how babies came about.”

Kai looked faintly disappointed, but Suho knew this is the perfect springboard to what he wanted to talk about.

“I want you to realize what just happened. Chen was uncomfortable, and when he asked us to stop, we did.”

The smile slipped off of Kai’s face, but he didn’t look scared, just a little confused. Suho went on. “When you love someone, it’s important to make sure that what happens between the two of you is enjoyable to both of you. If someone is uncomfortable or scared, then it’s not okay to force them to do whatever it is that’s making them scared. We’ve talked about this before, but it’s especially important for sex and even kissing, because that’s something very intimate and it can be scary. Sometimes you think you’re ready for that kind of intimacy, and it turns out you thought wrong. If that happens then it’s okay to tell your partner that you’re scared, and you want to stop. And if your partner says that to you, then it’s very, very important that you listen to them.”

“This may sound like common sense but sometimes it’s not,” Kris added. “And it’s important to pay attention, too. Sometimes people are too afraid to talk, but you can tell that they’re upset, right? If you can tell that your partner is uncomfortable, then you should back off and make sure they’re alright. Not saying anything doesn’t mean that they’re saying yes. Do you understand? And before you have sex with someone, you should talk to them about how you feel and what you’re comfortable with.”

“And,” Suho jumped in, “If someone kisses you once, that doesn’t automatically mean that every other kiss after that has to be okay. Even if you’ve been with someone for a long time and kissed them a lot, if there comes a time you feel uncomfortable then you can say no to a kiss. And having sex once doesn’t mean that you’re automatically comfortable all the time. You can say no to sex even if it’s not your first time, even if it’s the one thousandth time, if you don’t want to then you don’t have to. And your partner should respect that of you, and you of your partner. Is this all clear?”

Nobody was giggling, nobody looked confused. They all nodded their understanding. When Kris and Suho dismissed them, Kai stayed behind and gave them both a hug. He lingered with Suho for a little bit.

“Thanks, hyung,” he whispered. “I don’t know if I said it but…thanks for helping me.”

Suho got a little teary as he hugged Kai a bit tighter. “Any time, baby.”

* * *

Two hours later Sehun showed up at Kris and Suho’s door.

“No seriously,” he said as he marched in, “Explain it to me, how does it work with two guys?”

Kris opened his mouth, and Suho interrupted. “My kid?” He guessed.

Kris shook his head. “No, I’ll help you. I was just about to tell Sehun to have a seat, I have a feeling we’ll be here for a while.”

Suho gave Kris a grateful smile. “At least we’re in it together, right?”

“For better or worse,” Kris sighed as Sehun pulled out a piece of paper and announced that he’d written his questions down.


	50. Happy Birthday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Continuity: After chapter #48

It started when Yixing and Kyungsoo took a walk and found a bookstore. Of course at the time, they didn’t know what it was called, they thought it was a library. Kris was the one to explain to them that there were actual shops where one could buy books and keep them.

“You mean like, pay for it?” Kyungsoo asked. “How come?”

Kris shrugged. “It’s not for us to know.”

On their world books were mostly kept in libraries. If someone wanted to own a book, they could request that a copy be made for them and after a few days, that copy would be delivered—free of charge. Of course it was rare that anyone wanted to keep a book forever. most people would just borrow it from a library for however long they wanted to, and then they’d bring it back. Though Kyungsoo now realized that it was more practical for books to be kept in libraries—on their world even the best made house could have a leaky roof or a mouse scurrying about, and nobody really wanted to damage a book.

But when Yixing and Kyungsoo stumbled on the bookstore they didn’t know all this. The place was crumbling, as were most of the books. Some were okay, because their pages were made of some kind of weird paper that didn’t disintegrate as fast. It almost didn’t feel like paper at all.

Yixing and Kyungsoo were looking through these books and they found one that stood out.

“Pie…pie…tcha,” Yixing stuttered. “Pietcha.”

Kyungsoo eyed the title. “I’m pretty sure that’s not how you pronounce it.”

Yixing huffed and shoved the book at Kyungsoo. “You try it then.”

“I’m smart enough not to even attempt it, let’s just go ask Kris.”

Perhaps if Kyungsoo had known what chaos was about to ensue, he would have left the book where it was.

“It’s a Pizza recipe book,” Kris explained.

“Pisha?” Yixing parroted.

“Pi-tzah,” Kris repeated.

“Nevermind,” Kyungsoo said quickly, “What is it?”

“It’s food,” Kris said, rolling his eyes.

“Well duh, I know that,” Kyungsoo scoffed. “But it doesn’t look very appetizing.”

Kris shook his head. “From what I’ve read it’s very good. People used to go mad for this stuff. Maybe we should try to make it someday, I’ve always wanted to try it.”

That would have been the end of it if Kyungsoo hadn’t taken note of the almost wistful look in Kris’ eyes and shoved the recipe book into his bag. He kind of forgot about it for a few years, but only because he knew they couldn’t make this ‘pizza’ with what little resources they had. After they had settled into their new home however, and they had a farm and a field of crops and a functioning kitchen, things changed. Kyungsoo was going through his belongings one day and stumbled across the book for the second time and, recalling the look in Kris eyes, had an idea. Kris’ birthday was coming up soon, and he’d said he wanted to try pizza, so maybe it would be nice if everyone pitched in to make it for him.

He brought it up to Suho, who seemed to like the idea well enough, but noted that they would need to keep Kris busy while everyone worked on the surprise. They only had a few days until Kris’ birthday, so they needed to think of something fast. Kyungsoo, however, decided to count himself out of that conversation, because he was busy letting everyone else in on the plan. He figured that was enough contribution to the planning on his part.

They weren’t entirely sure that it was Kris’ birthday. Several of them had managed to keep count of the days while they were separated and they all had the same numbers, but the problem was figuring out what date it was when they had crash landed. They had managed to find newspapers and identify certain dates, match up the numbers of days with the calendars by counting in convoluted ways…it made no sense to Kyungsoo but that was because he hadn’t actually figured it out himself, it was mostly Kai and Xiumin who had done that. To the best of their knowledge, Kris’ birthday matched up with the date of November 6th on this world (one of the reasons they had come to this planet was because it’s yearly calendar matched with their own), but they weren’t totally, 100% sure it was November 6th. In any case, it was probably close enough. So on the agreed upon day, ten boys gathered in the remodeled kitchen to fix up a surprise for their leader.

Kyungsoo was a fool, he should have known better than to try to make more than five of them do something all at once, especially when both Suho and Kris weren’t around to mediate.

“What are _you_ doing here?” Kai squawked upon seeing Tao in the kitchen.

“Making pizza! Where else would I be?”

“Distracting Kris!” Chen cried.

“Oh,” Tao said, “No, Suho is doing that.”

“Say what?!” Kyungsoo yelped.

“Just Suho?” Lu Han asked, side-eyeing Tao. “You don’t want to like, be a part of that or something?”

Tao looked confused for a second, and then a look of clarity passed briefly over his face before he took on a positively evil look. “No,” He said smugly, “I get my turn with him _later_. Best for last and all that.”

Sehun gagged and covered his ears, Lu Han cackled and gave Tao a high five, and nearly everyone else rolled their eyes. Yixing gave everyone a wide-eyed look. “Wait a second,” he gasped, “Is this another one of those sexual things?”

Xiumin opened his mouth, but Baekhyun slapped his hand over his mouth. “Yes,” Lu Han said seriously, smirking at Yixing, “It is, and we’re so proud of you for getting it.”

Yixing looked absolutely horrified. “Ew,” he squeaked, shutting his eyes and shaking his head. “Oh, ew, I don’t even want to think about that!”

“So don’t!” Tao cried, “Stop thinking about my boyfriends!”

“YOU STARTED IT!” Yixing shrieked.

“WELL NOBODY TOLD YOU TO ACTUALLY THINK ABOUT IT!” Tao and Kyungsoo both yelled.

Kyungsoo glared at Tao. “We have a bigger problem here! Now we have to attempt to get along without mediation from either of our leaders!”

Chanyeol scoffed, “Oh please, we’re all adults here. I think we can manage.”

“Oh, right,” Kyungsoo said sarcastically, “We’re adults, but it’s only been five minutes and we’ve already made a few inappropriate remarks, scarred Yixing for life, and we haven’t even opened the recipe book yet!”

Xiumin at least looked a little uneasy, but everyone else just laughed.

“We’ll be fine,” Chanyeol cooed, patting Kyungsoo’s head. “We’ll get serious now, promise. Let’s get to work, okay?”

Kyungsoo bristled, but managed to keep his cool. Thus far he had been the best at cooking with the resources they had, so he had been placed (mostly) in charge. “Okay,” he said coolly, opening the book. “First we need to make the dough. I already have the ingredients for that. Then we need tomatoes for the sauce.”

Tao wrinkled his nose. “Ugh, tomatoes.”

Kyungsoo felt his eye twitch. “This isn’t for you,” he said tersely, “It’s for Kris, you don’t have to like it.” He turned back to the recipe book. “We need to make the dough first. We’ll need warm water, olive oil, salt, sugar, flour and yeast.”

There was silence.

“What the hell is yeast?” Baekhyun demanded.

“It’s the stuff that makes the dough rise,” Sehun said impatiently. “Honestly guys.”

“Okay but what about olive oil?” Baekhyun went on.

Kyungsoo smugly held up a bottle. “This is olive oil.”

They all jumped and stared at the bottle in awe—well, all except Kai.

“What is it?” Chanyeol asked.

“It’s the oil that’s leftover from crushed olives!” Kai exclaimed. “I found a factory that makes it—it’s amazing how self-sufficient these factories were you guys, I literally flipped a switch and all the machines turned on. The olives had been growing by themselves for years, and then these little carts went out and shook them off the trees, and then they got put into this huge vat and crushed into a paste, then that paste was put in this spinny-thingy and boom! Olive oil!”

“When did you do this?” Chen asked.

“A few months ago,” Kai and Kyungsoo chorused.

“Kyungsoo needed it a while back, so I went looking for it,” Kai explained. “I had to go hundreds of miles before I found a completely automated factory.”

Kyungsoo nodded, then he caught sight of their sundial clock. “Enough chatter! We need to get a move on, who knows how long Suho will be able to keep Kris busy!”

Tao laughed and Lu Han smirked, but Xiumin quickly hushed them. “Quit trying to turn everything into a dirty joke,” he scolded.

“Obviously we don’t need to help that along,” Lu Han scoffed, “Seeing as we didn’t even say anything.”

“FOCUS, PEOPLE!” Kyungsoo cried as Yixing looked ready to break down. “Here’s the recipe for the dough, somebody work on it while others make the sauce.”

Xiumin, Yixing and Tao offered to make the dough. Kyungsoo then turned to the recipe for sauce. They needed a bunch of tomatoes and the olive oil, water, garlic, salt, and vinegar.

“We need to blend the tomatoes, water and olive oil together by chopping it up into little pieces. Chanyeol, get me the blender. And make sure it’s the one with the lid, this time!! We don’t have time to waste cleaning up another mess, like last time.”

“It was one freaking time,” Chanyeol mumbled as he went off.

Once the tomatoes had been blended, Kyungsoo put them on the “stove” to boil. The stove in the palace’s kitchen didn’t actually work, so they had to make do with a grill over a fire pit. Kyungsoo left Chen and Sehun in charge of keeping an eye on the sauce while he went to check on the dough.

“It’s slimy,” Tao muttered when Kyungsoo asked how it was going.

“It’s fun!” Yixing gushed. “I like making dough!”

Chanyeol came rushing over. “Let me try!”

“Making dough isn’t fun,” Kyungsoo countered as Tao broke off a piece of his and handed it to Chanyeol. “The fun part is kneading it, and that’s what…OYE! PARK CHANYEOL!!”

Chanyeol choked and spit out the dough he’d eagerly bitten off. “Blech, eeew,” he groused, shoving the bit of dough that was left back at Tao.

Tao eyed it like it was going to bite him. “Ick, I can see your saliva on it you animal!” Off to the side, Kai and Sehun were doubled over, laughing hysterically.

“Why is it only ever my whole name that gets used?” Chanyeol whined as he wiped off his tongue. “Eurgh, it tastes awful.”

Kyungsoo smacked Chanyeol on the shoulder a few times. “You’re not supposed to eat it raw!” He cried. “Ugh, go back over with the others.”

Chanyeol went slinking off, gluing himself to Baekhyun’s side. Kyungsoo could hear the barely restrained laughter in Baekhyun’s voice as he tried to comfort Chanyeol.

“Is it safe to use this?” Tao asked scathingly, holding out the piece of dough Chanyeol had bitten from. “It might be contaminated, I don’t want to make my boyfriend sick.”

Kyungsoo snatched the dough away. “Don’t be a snob,” he scolded, “I’m sure Kris will never tell the difference, especially after it’s been cooked.” Then he turned to Chen—the only one left watching the sauce. “How’s it coming?”

“I think it’s done,” Chen answered, lifting the pot off the fire and carrying it back to the table with the rest of the sauce fixings. Kyungsoo added a few spices, mixed them in thoroughly, and took a tiny taste.

“Seems fine to me,” he said brightly. Chen pouted for a taste too, and Kyungsoo gave him a tiny one.

“I’m hungry,” Sehun whined, watching the exchange. “Can we break for lunch?”

“You can if you want to,” Kyungsoo shrugged. “But I’m not feeding you. It’s time to put the dough, sauce and cheese together.”

“Are you sure the cheese we made yesterday will be alright?” Xiumin asked anxiously.

“Of course,” Kyungsoo assured, “I had this in mind when we made it, go and get it for me.”

Kyungsoo was the one who flattened out the dough and spread the sauce over it, the other boys each took turns slicing the block of cheese into little pieces. Kyungsoo was about to scatter the cheese over the sauce when Yixing suddenly stopped him.

“What are we going to put on top of it?” He asked.

Kyungsoo gave him a confused look. “What do you mean? That’s what the cheese is for.”

“But in the book, it says we can put a whole bunch of things on it,” Yixing reminded him. “We can put anything else on the pizza!”

“We can?” Kai asked excitedly. “Oh, let’s put mushrooms on it!”

“Ew, no!” Baekhyun cried, “Mushrooms are icky, put some peppers on it!”

“Onions, too!” Chanyeol cried, “Peppers and onions!”

“And chicken!” Sehun added.

“Whoa, slow down!” Kyungsoo cried. “We can’t put everything on it, let’s just have an array of toppings laid out for Kris when he comes back—”

“Booooring!” Chen whined. “It needs an extra kick!”

“Well, how would we choose what to add?! Everyone has a different idea!”

“Oh, how about we make a bunch of little pizzas!” Yixing said, bouncing up and down excitedly.

“Yeah, just one little problem with that, Xing-xing,” Kyungsoo said sarcastically, “We already have one big pizza!”

“Oh, oops,” Yixing whispered. “Well, maybe it can still work?”

“Not likely,” Chanyeol said brightly. “Let’s do rock, paper, scissors!”

“No,” Tao whined petulantly. “That won’t work, you should just let me pick, I know what Kris likes.”

“That’s not fair!” Chen cried. “You may be Kris’ boyfriend but we all grew up with him too, we know what he likes to eat too!”

“And besides,” Sehun threw in, “This is supposed to be a present from all of us!”

“Listen!” Kyungsoo yelled, “We’re supposed to be working together to get this done before Kris comes back, so we need to make a decision now!”

Just then, Suho poked his head in. “Um, guys, is the surprise almost ready?”

“NO!” Ten boys screamed back.

“Get back out there and distract your man!” Chanyeol cried, rushing over and making shooing motions at Suho.

“I’m running out of ideas!” Suho yelled back. “He’s wondering where you all are!”

“If he’s thinking about us when he’s with you, on his birthday, then obviously you’re not doing your job right!” Lu Han cried, flapping his hands at Suho.

“What are you talking about?” Suho demanded crossly.

“Oh for heaven’s sake,” Lu Han hissed, “Go distract him with birthday sex, you idiot!”

Suho gaped and his face flamed. “What the—” He sputtered.

“Don’t you dare!” Tao snarled, “We have a deal!”

“I know!” Suho screeched, “I’ll…figure something out!” And then he stomped off, slamming the kitchen door behind him.

Before anyone could say anything, Kyungsoo smacked his hands down on the table. “As we were, we need to make this darn thing. Now are you all going to insist on toppings?”

“Yes!” Nine voices called back.

“Fine,” Kyungsoo said, “Somebody get me a knife.”

Kyungsoo drew lines in the sauce, dividing the pizza into ten triangular pieces. “Each one of you gets a spot to put a topping on,” He said calmly, “No overlapping. You have ten minutes.”

They all scrambled to get their choice of topping and prepare it.

“Why don’t we just throw all the toppings on all at once?” Chanyeol asked.

“Does that honestly sound appetizing to you?” Kyungsoo asked in exasperation.

“Yes!” Chanyeol said happily.

“Well next time, you can do that,” Kyungsoo said, more patiently than he actually felt. “But for now, let’s just keep it simple, okay?” He could feel a headache building at the back of his mind. He couldn’t wait until this was done with.

Finally, after a day of arguments and headaches, the pizza was done cooking. Kyungsoo carefully took it out of their makeshift oven and laid it on the table while the others crowded in behind him.

“It’s beautiful!” Tao said. “Kris is going to love it!”

“I personally think it’s ugly,” Baekhyun sniffed, “But maybe that’s just the mushrooms.”

“Oye!’ Kai yelped.

“Enough!’ Kyungsoo said sternly. “This is for Kris, it doesn’t matter what we think of it, what matters is what he thinks of it, so let’s ask him!”

Chen raced to the kitchen door and flung it open, probably intending to run out and find Kris and Suho, and instead he leapt back with a yelp upon finding the two of them standing in the doorway. Suho had his hands over Kris’ eyes.

“I couldn’t hold him off any longer,” Suho explained tersely. “Please tell me you guys are done.”

“Please,” Kris echoed, “I’m dying of curiosity here.”

Chen recovered and pulled Suho and Kris into the room. “We made you a present for your birthday!” He cried.

“Oh, is that what that smell is?” Kris laughed, reaching up to touch Suho’s hands. “Can I see it, or do I have to guess what it is?”

“You’ll never guess,” Tao said smugly. “I guess we should just show it to you.”

Suho positioned Kris in front of the table and uncovered his eyes. Kris looked momentarily shocked and then he smiled. “Oh, wow!” he cried, “You guys made this?”

“Do you know what it is?” Kyungsoo asked anxiously.

“It’s pizza, right?” Kris guessed.

“Yes!” Kai and Sehun crowed. “You got it!”

“Wow,” Kris laughed again, “This is so cool, you guys!”

“We all put different toppings on it!” Chanyeol explained, elbowing Kyungsoo aside as he pointed at the pizza. “That one’s mine, it’s the best!”

“Mine’s the best,” Tao countered.

“Whoa now, I’m sure they’re all great,” Kris assured, “So I’ll try them all. But this is too much for just me, you’ll all help me eat it, right?”

“Only after you try each slice!” Yixing cried, “Here’s a fork and a knife, now get tasting!”

Kris wound up trying Tao’s piece first, and everyone waited on baited breath for his opinion.

“Is it okay?” Kyungsoo asked, wringing his hands, “Does the sauce taste okay? What about the crust?”

Kris held up his hand, he was still chewing, “Holy cow, kids, I can barely concentrate with all of you watching me eat.” But they knew he was teasing. “It’s amazing, really, I love it.” He turned to Tao and gave him a kiss on the cheek. “You did a great job, Taozi, it’s perfect.”

Tao melted and hugged Kris tightly around the waist. “Good,” he whispered. “I knew you would like it.”

“Try mine next!” Chanyeol begged. “Please, Kris!”

Kris eventually had a bite of all ten slices and he said that each one of them was excellent. After trying each slice he’d hug the person who picked the toppings and thank them—it was just like him, he wanted each of them to know how grateful he was.

“Did you all practice this a head of time?” He asked when he’d tried all the different slices.

“No,” Kyungsoo insisted, “It was our first time making pizza at all!”

“I would have never guessed,” Kris assured. “It’s delicious, really, you should all try it, go on.”

So everyone else had a bite and they all agreed, it was pretty freaking good.

“Kyungsoo did the most work,” Xiumin told Kris. “It was his idea.”

Kris gave Kyungsoo an extra hug. “Did they give you a headache?” He teased.

“Only a little,” Kyungsoo laughed, and his head really didn’t hurt so much anymore.

Yixing turned to Suho curiously. “Suho, what did you and Kris actually do all day?”

Lu Han almost choked on his bite of pizza and everyone else gave Yixing an incredulous look, wondering how he could ask something like that, but Kris and Suho didn’t seem perturbed.

“We went for a hike, we went down to the stables, we played with some of the kittens, we had a really fun day,” Kris gushed.

“Did you get Kris a birthday gift?” Sehun blurted. Lu Han stood on his foot.

“Yes, actually,” Suho said calmly. “But it’s a secret.”

Tao glared at them. “Nothing I should be jealous of, right Kris?”

Kris shrugged. “He hasn’t told me what it is yet, said he would wait for the right time.”

They all turned to look back at Suho and noticed that he was blushing faintly.

“What did you do?” Tao asked.

“Nothing!” Suho cried. “I mean, none of your business! Well not you Tao, but—”

“Oh, god!” Yixing cried, covering his ears, “I don’t want to hear it, I don’t freaking want to know!”

Nobody said anything more on the matter after that, and when Suho, Tao and Kris all disappeared shortly thereafter they all did their best to ignore Lu Han's immature giggles.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original notes:  
> Happy (belated) Birthday to my baby, my bias, my lovely Kris <3 The idea for this is from rainiedayze146, who mentioned the pizza thing in a comment and I’ve been dying to do something with it for a while now!


	51. In Another World

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Continuity: None

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm changing the chapter count now, originally this was 3 separate chapters but that might be confusing, so I'm just putting it all out there as one. This is an AU of my AU. Very confusing I know, but originally what I had wanted to do was write a drabble from the perspective of Suho’s foster mother in which she would think about how Joonmyun/Suho would have died if her husband hadn’t found him, meanwhile I of course knew that Suho wouldn’t have died, he couldn’t have because he’s a Guardian. So I know what would have actually happened to Suho had the fisherman not found Suho. 
> 
> Which, of course, I then couldn't stop thinking about. 
> 
> Then I found myself thinking about the complex relationship between Suho and Kai and found myself wondering what would have happened if it had been reversed—what if Suho had been the wild child and Kai had been the one to help civilize him? It would still account for Kai’s rage and need for revenge. And slowly the whole thing spiraled out of control and I saw scenes from this new AU flashing in front of my eyes and within the first 3 hours I knew I had to write it. So here it is, I hope you like it.

Joonmyun was three years old when his mother died. He was confused, he stood by her bed and screamed for her to wake up, to come back to him. He begged her over and over to just open her eyes, he promised to be good, to make her happy the way she made him happy. But she didn’t open her eyes no matter how loudly he screamed.

Someone finally heard him crying and came into their home, and that person called for more people, but Joonmyun didn’t pay attention. He was lying in his mothers’ arms, clinging to her body and still begging her to wake up. He could hear voices behind him, they sounded mean and harsh. People didn’t like him, because he was smarter than they were, and it made them scared. But she wasn’t scared, she wasn’t…why didn’t she help him now? He burrowed into his mother’s side, whimpering for her to make these people leave, to protect him from them.

Eventually a man approached the bed. Joonmyun shrank away, but the man grabbed him around the waist, picked him up, and carried him out of his home. Joonmyun kicked and screamed to be put down, he reached out for his mother, he cried for her to save him, and Joonmyun watched in horror as the door was slammed in his face and he was carried further and further away.

The man carried Joonmyun away from his home, placed him on a dogsled and took him away. Joonmyun was too scared to do anything about it, to run or cry for help—but who would help him? He already knew better than to ask for help, his mother had taught him that.

Joonmyun was tossed from the sled, face first into a snowdrift. By the time he freed himself, the dogsled was nowhere to be seen. All Joonmyun could see was an ocean of snow, all he could hear was the wind howling in his ears, whipping snow across his cheeks, freezing his tears to his eyelashes.

“Hello?” He screamed, the wind whipping his voice away from him.

“Is anybody there?”

“Somebody help me! Please, help me! I’m lost!!”

But nobody came for him.

He tried to walk, tried to see if there was somewhere he could take shelter, and he found nothing. Joonmyun’s strength faded with the daylight, and by nightfall he was beyond scared. He was terrified, he was hungry, and more than anything he wanted to go home. But he was tired, and cold, and it was so hard for him to move. He knew it was the wrong thing to do, but Joonmyun decided to lay down. The wind didn’t howl so much when he laid in the snow. He wasn’t shivering anymore, in fact he couldn’t even feel the cold. He was tired, so tired, and he thought that it wouldn’t hurt to close his eyes, just for a minute…

* * *

The boy who woke up in the snow on a sunny day was not the same boy who fell asleep in the snow on a stormy night. The boy who woke up in the snow was not Joonmyun—he was more desperate than Joonmyun, and more powerful. The boy who woke up in the snow could pick water up in his hands and make it dance in the air. This was one of the first things he learned, when he went to brush the melted snow off of his coat and his hand pulled away a stream of water. For a long time, he sat there and played with the stream of water. He found that he could use it as a weapon if he wanted to, when he threw his arm to the side and cut a deep gash in a block of ice. But he didn’t want a weapon. The boy who woke up in the snow just wanted to be warm and fed.

He stood up on shaky legs and staggered on his first few steps, but eventually he remembered how to move his legs. He opened his mouth, testing his jaw and his tongue. He said a few things, things that didn’t make sense.

“My mother is gone.”

“Shut up, nobody cares.”

“Don’t be mean to me.”

“It’s not mean, it’s the truth.”

He laughed, but he didn’t know why.

He walked without knowing where he was going. He saw marks in the snow and he followed them. They led him into a grove of trees that he hadn’t seen in the blizzard, and ended at the bloody carcass of a deer. Some distance away, a bunch of animals—wolves, he realized—were loitering. He watched them for a few minutes and, when they didn’t seem interested in him, looked at the dead animal and nudged it with his foot. It was meat, he realized, and meat was food, but he’d never eaten it like this. He knelt down and pondered for a few moments, wondering if he should try to eat. He heard something approach and looked up, finding himself staring into the eyes of a wolf.

He knew he should be frightened, but he didn’t know why. At the moment, all he could think was how warm the animal’s fur looked. He stood up, walked around the dead deer. The wolf turned towards him, watching curiously. He approached the animal and held out his hand (still covered in a wet glove), closer and closer until he sunk his hand into its warm fur. When the animal didn’t move, he came even closer, huddling against the warm body, feeling the heat seep into his bones. He wanted to cry, but he knew that the tears would hurt when they froze.

After a while, the wolf stepped back and he fell, not expecting the movement. Before he could pick himself up he felt something close around the back of his coat, and he was being lifted and carried. It was a short distance but was nearly choked from the awkward angle. When he was finally released, he found himself in the middle of the wolf pack.

He wasn’t afraid, because the wolves didn’t seem to be threatening him. The wolf who had carried him over now curled around him, nudging him until he laid down on top of it. The animal turned its head towards him and began to lick his face and hair. It was caring for him like he was its baby, he realized, and he decided to play along, just for a little while. Maybe he could stay with the wolves, maybe they would protect him. He allowed the wolf to groom him until he fell asleep.

He stayed with the wolves for a little while, until hunger eventually drove him out. He couldn’t eat raw meat like them, he knew that much, and as much as the female wolves tried to feed him alongside their own pups, he knew that it wouldn’t be enough. So he just walked away from them, and they didn’t seem too bothered by it.

He was coming to realize that other beings didn’t care about him, if he stayed or went. People or animal, they don’t seem to mind. It was a sad feeling, and as he walked away he found himself crying again. It was funny, but he never really thought about crying before. It was weird, because crying was…it was water, and he could do things with water, he could make water do things that water shouldn’t normally do, and yet he couldn’t do anything with this water. He couldn’t make it stop, he couldn’t make it go away. Suddenly it was too quiet, too big of a world for a three year old boy. He felt something rising up inside of him, something ugly and bad. He knew it from when his mother wouldn’t wake up, from when he was lost in the snow, but he had no word for it. He couldn’t see, or breathe, and he wanted to get away from it. He started to run, but he didn’t know where he was going. He just knew that he was so, so hungry, and so, so alone.

He stopped running, lifted his face to the sky and screamed, wordlessly at first, but then he screamed words. Useless words, words like ‘Mother’ and ‘Help,’ but nobody answered, nobody came to help him. There was, he realized, just himself, and he was the best he had.

Joonmyun was three years old and he thought he was dead.(1)

* * *

“Kai,” Jongin whispered to himself, curiously. “Kai. Kaaaaai.”

He wasn’t sure how he felt about his new name. It sounded cool, but he didn’t know if it sounded cool on him. He turned to his roommate, Chanyeol, and held out his hand.

“Hi, my name is Kai.”

Chanyeol laughed. “I know who you are.”

Jongin stomped his foot. “I know you know, but say hello to me anyway!”

Chanyeol rolled his eyes, but took his hand. “Hello Kai, I’m Chanyeol.”

He decided he liked the name Kai. He smiled happily, deciding that he was as ready as he would ever be to introduce himself to the new member of their group.

“Hi, my name is Kai, and I’m five years old. It’s nice to meet you,” he whispered to himself throughout the day. He got in trouble for it in his lessons, but he didn’t even mind. He was too excited.

“When do you think the new boy will get here?” Kai asked Minseok, bouncing a little in excitement. It was lunchtime, and that meant the day was already half over. It was torture to wait, especially since their classroom was right over the front entrance to the sanctuary, and they could see out for miles. Kai kept glancing out the window all morning, but he hadn’t seen the carriage with the new boy arrive yet. “Will he be here before we have to go to bed?”

Minseok grinned and ruffled Kai’s hair. “I’d imagine so, baby.”

“I’m not the baby, Sehun is!”

But Minseok hugged him close and kissed his cheek. “You’re only five, you’re still a baby to me.”

“You’re only nine!” Kai countered playfully. Sehun chose that moment to run over and demand to be let in on the hug.

“Sehunnie’s Minseok!” He crowed, shoving Kai aside and sticking out his tongue. “Sehunnie’s leader!”

Minseok hugged them both tighter until they squirmed in his arms, yelping to be put down.

“I’m both of yours,” He reminded them, “You need to share!”

Suddenly Chanyeol—who was looking out the window—screamed in excitement. “I think he’s here! I think the new boy is here!”

All of them—Kai, Sehun, Minseok, Kyungsoo, Chen, even Baekhyun, who normally didn’t care for anyone—ran to the windows. They could see a carriage in the distance, the dust it kicked up. Sehun squealed in excitement, stretching up further on his toes.

“New friend, new friend!” He chanted, fingers pressed against the glass.

They all pressed forward when the carriage stopped, waiting for the boy to get out. But that didn’t happen, instead a matron climbed out, and she beckoned the two door-guards over. The three of them reached into the carriage and pulled out a mass of blankets, and then they quickly ran into the Sanctuary.

The seven of them waited a moment, but nothing else happened.

“Where is he?” Kyungsoo asked, breaking the silence.

Kai glanced up at Minseok and saw the worried look on his face. “Something’s wrong,” Minseok whispered. Then he turned around and marched to the door, but it didn’t move when he tugged at the handle. “What the heck?” He grunted, pulling harder, “Hey what…Are we _locked in_?!”

Chen gasped and rushed over, joining Minseok in trying to pry the door open, but it didn’t happen.

“Hey!” Chen screamed, pounding on the door, “We’re still in here! Let us out!”

Baekhyun ran over, shoved Chen and Minseok out of the way, and pulled desperately on the door handle. “Not again, no, not again…” Then he started to scream, banging on the door. “LET ME OUT! LET ME OUT OF HERE! ANSWER ME! I KNOW YOU CAN HEAR ME, I KNOW YOU’RE OUT THERE!”

“BAEKHYUN!” Minseok screamed, wrapping his arms around Baekhyun’s shoulders and dragging him away from the door. Baekhyun shrieked and flailed, Kai noticed that his knuckles were bloody. When Baekhyun started to cry, Kai felt himself tear up as well.

Just when they were all about to start freaking out, there was a click and the door opened. One of the Matrons came in and calmly closed the door behind her.

“I’m sorry, children,” She said calmly, “You’ll have to stay here for a little while.”

“Who locked us in?” Minseok demanded, drawing himself up to his full height. “Was that absolutely necessary?”

“It was a miscommunication,” the Matron answered, “But you are to stay in this room until you are told otherwise.”

“Why?” Kai asked, stepping forward. He only noticed just then that Sehun was clinging to him, sniffling quietly. “Why can’t we leave? Where is the new boy?”

The Matron pursed her lips, and when she spoke it was like she was choosing her every word carefully. “Something is wrong with the child, we can’t let you see him until we know what it is.”

“Is he sick?” Kyungsoo asked worriedly.

“Not exactly. He’s dangerous, he might hurt you, or himself.”

Kai was beyond confused, and looking around he could tell that he wasn’t the only one.

“He’s our brother,” Minseok said, “He loves us, we love him!”

“But he doesn’t know that,” the Matron said, “I’m sorry, but this is not up for discussion.”

Then she left, and though she didn’t lock the door, they all knew that they couldn’t leave. Baekhyun fell to his knees, crying softly.

“Who do they think they are?” Chanyeol demanded, marching over to Baekhyun and patting his back. It spoke to how scared he was that Baekhyun not only allowed it, but actually turned towards Chanyeol and hugged him.

Kyungsoo knelt down and put his hand on the ground. “Maybe I can feel him…” he mumbled, but it seemed like only Kai was paying attention. Sehun had released Kai and moved on to snuggle with Minseok.

“What means, the boy is dangerous?” Sehun asked, screwing up his face when the words didn’t come out right. “I mean…”

“I know what you meant, baby,” Minseok assured, stroking Sehun’s hair back. “But I don’t know why she said that. Maybe they misunderstood…”

“Guys!” Kyungsoo gasped suddenly, looking up at them with wide eyes. “Be quiet!”

They all fell silent.

“What is it?” Chen asked after a few seconds.

“Can’t you hear that?” Kyungsoo asked, going pale. “I hear screaming…”

This time they all strained their ears, and after a few seconds Kai did hear it—hysterical shrieks coming from the floor under theirs.

“It’s coming from the healer’s rooms,” Kyungsoo whispered, and he looked so pale Kai thought he was about to faint. “I think it’s the new boy…”

There was a collective shiver from the group and Minseok squared his shoulders. “I’m going to get to the bottom of this,” he promised. “I’m not going to let them treat us this way.”

Kai inched over to Kyungsoo—who still looked very pale—and put an arm around his shoulder. Kyungsoo leaned into him and hid his face in Kai’s neck.

“It’s okay,” Kai whispered. “The new boy will be alright, they wouldn’t hurt him.”

“But they are,” Kyungsoo whispered. “Something’s wrong with him, I can feel it, and they should let us go see him. We’re supposed to be together, we’re meant to be together. If we were with him, he wouldn’t be so scared.”

Kai knew that was true—he felt it himself. Whenever he was feeling sick or scared, a hug from one of his brothers would make him feel so much better. Minseok had tried to explain it to him before, how connected they all were and how being together made them even stronger, and physical contact was one way that they could increase their strength. It was why Minseok would often sneak into the healer’s rooms when one of them was sick and snuggle with them during the night. Even if it meant sharing germs, usually they’d be better by the morning. Kai didn’t fully understand it, but then again he could easily disappear in a puff of smoke and…

Oh, how stupid was he?

“Guys! I can teleport down there and see what’s going on!”

“Oh hey!” Chanyeol cried, “You can!”

“No,” Minseok said fiercely, “Kai, you don’t know what you’ll be getting into, and if they see you…”

“I can do it!” Kai insisted stubbornly, “I want to do it, I want to see if the new boy is okay! Minseok, please, let me do this!”

There was a brief silence. Kai held Minseok’s gaze and did his best to look grown up and mature. Finally, Minseok sighed.

“Go ahead,” he said, “But be careful.”

So Kai backed away from Kyungsoo, took a deep breath, and imagined himself downstairs, just outside the healers rooms. He stepped forward and felt himself being tugged, and then his feet hit solid ground and all he could hear was screaming. When he opened his eyes he spotted one of the many statues in the hall, and he ducked behind it. The door to the healers room was open, and as he watched a young Matron came out, clutching a hand to her bloody cheek.

“He’s feral,” She was gasping, her eyes wild, “By the Tree, the child is a wild boy!”

A Healer followed the Matron out and snapped at her. “Don’t say such a thing where anyone can hear you! This is a delicate situation—”

But whatever she was about to say was cut off by the loudest shriek yet. The Healer turned back to the door and shouted, “Sedate him, _sedate him_ for the Tree’s sake before he hurts himself!”

Kai felt like he had gone numb, but he had to see what was going on! He knew that there was a closet in the Healer’s room, so he imagined the inside of it and stepped forward. He knew it worked when the shrieks got louder, he seemed to be very close to the scene. Hesitantly, Kai opened the door a crack, just so he could see—

There was a small child who looked to be about Minseok’s age in the room. He was filthy, his hair was long and matted and Kai could smell how dirty was even from the closet. One Healer had the boy’s arms pinned to his sides, and he was thrashing in her grip, screaming hysterically. As Kai watched, another Healer jammed a needle into the boy’s arm. He shrieked even louder and jerked to the side so hard that Kai almost thought he heard a crack, and then over the next few seconds the boy gradually started to calm down, or so Kai thought, but when the boy turned his head Kai got a look at his eyes and saw pure panic in them. Feeling like he was about to be sick, Kai teleported back to his classroom. He fell to his knees as soon as his feet hit the floor.

“What happened?” Minseok demanded, rushing to Kai’s side. “Are you okay? Kai, are you hurt?!”

Kai was shaking, close to tears, and the screams of the boy downstairs echoed in his ears. Even by Guardian standards Kai was a child, and he was coming to realize that there were things in this world he was not meant to understand—but he would never be able to understand the cruelty of what he had just seen.

“Something is wrong with the new boy,” Kai heard himself say, “He’s not sick but…there’s something wrong with his head. The Matron…she said he was a wild boy. They were holding him down, he was scared…” Kai’s voice broke and he suddenly found himself crying, tears dripping down his cheeks. “Minseok, we have to do something, we can’t just leave him there, we just can’t!” He broke off sobbing.

Minseok knelt and gathered Kai up in his arms, rubbing his back soothingly. “It’s okay, we’ll help him, I promise.”

* * *

They couldn’t do anything for the first two days—the Healer’s ward was under heavy guard by the Matrons. In the meantime they had been told that the new boy was to be named Suho, because they didn’t know his real name and he didn’t seem to be able to talk. They said that he appeared to be about eight years old, it looked like he had been on his own for a while, and he didn’t seem to be able to speak more than a few words, nor understand a whole lot. He couldn’t use a toilet or dress himself, he was severely malnourished, and his skin had all sorts of problems from being exposed to the cold and sun.

“Can’t we see him?” Chanyeol pleaded when they were told to stay away for a while. “Maybe we can help!”

But the head Matron denied them permission. “He’s in quarantine,” she said flatly. “We have no idea where he’s been and what kinds of diseases he may have—even if it can’t affect you, it could affect us. And seeing him in this state might do more harm than good.”

Kai doubted it—he doubted a lot of what the Matron said. He bet that the boy could speak and understand, he was just afraid to show that he could because the adults scared him. Kai bet he would be more open to children, but he held his tongue.

Finally on the third day it seemed like the Matrons and Teachers were getting a little less protective, and Minseok saw a chance to visit Suho. Of course everyone wanted to go along with him, but he called them all together in his and Jongdae’s shared room to explain his plan of action and put his foot down.

“You know how we were taught that we can help each other heal faster through physical contact and positive energy?” After they all nodded, Minseok went on. “I want to try that with Suho. I don’t think I’ll be able to touch him, but I can get close to him and give him positive energy. I do think I’ll need help, however if it’s true that he has been alone for such a long time, then too many people at once could overwhelm him, so I’ll only be taking Kai with me.”

Kai startled so badly at hearing his name that Sehun—who had been leaning his head on Kai’s shoulder—almost fell over.

“Why me?” Kai asked.

Minseok gave him a look that was almost pitying. “Because you’ve been walking around like you saw death for the last two days. I know that whatever you saw really affected you, but you’re not talking about it. You need to see that Suho is going to be okay with your own eyes, and I think that two people is a nice number to start out with.”

When Minseok put it like that, Kai realized that he was right. He had been distracted the last few days, and he couldn’t stop thinking about the look in Suho’s eyes—the absolutely terrified, almost crazed look he had. It was scary, and Kai was afraid that they were too late to help him.

When he and Minseok snuck out that night, Kai clung to Minseok’s hand so tightly that Minseok had to stop in the middle of a staircase and ask Kai to please loosen his grip just a little, or he wouldn’t have any fingers left.

“Hyung,” Kai whimpered, getting teary, “What if it is too late? What if…what if something’s wrong in Suho’s brain now? I read about it before and…what if he’s Lost?”

Minseok guided Kai down the rest of the stairs and once they made it to even ground, he pulled Kai into a comforting hug. “He’s not Lost—he can communicate, he can feel and think. The fact that he had the capacity to be afraid is a good sign, because it means that he can feel emotions. The Lost can’t do that. And I have faith—we both have to have faith—that we can save Suho. He is our brother, no matter what, and we owe it to him to be positive and believe that we can help.”

Kai understood that, but it was so hard to stay positive when he could still hear Suho’s screams echoing in his ears. He continued to hold tight to Minseok’s hand, afraid of what would happen when they snuck into the Healer’s ward. They had to go to a different room than they usually did, a room Kai hadn’t even noticed before, but apparently it was where quarantine was located. They carefully pushed the door open, and they were greeted by the sight of an immense, see-through contraption surrounding a large bed. Looking at it, Kai could only think of one thing.

“They put him in a cage?!” He gasped, choking back tears.

Minseok laid a comforting hand on top of Kai’s head. “Don’t get excited,” he breathed, ushering Kai inside. “It’s quarantine. It’s to keep germs from getting out.”

Kai tried to calm down, but he couldn’t help but to think of it as a cage, and he couldn’t imagine what it must be like to be inside of it. He and Minseok inched forward, stepping quietly and carefully, but Suho didn’t move. They could barely see him—he was covered by a thick layer of blankets. The room was illuminated by a red light, which Minseok whispered was a heat lamp.

“They found him in the Northern circle, I guess he must still be pretty cold.”

By this time they were nose to nose with the enclosure, and Kai hesitantly touched it. “Is this glass?” He whispered.

“Yes,” Minseok answered. “Very thick glass, and there’s something called a vent over it so that fresh air can come in.”

“What about old air?”

“I don’t know, it’s pretty complicated.”

Kai squinted, trying to see. The red light wasn’t great for seeing clearly, and anyway Suho was mostly in shadow. From what Kai could see, he did appear to be deeply asleep. As he watched he could see the slow, even rise and fall of Suho’s chest as he breathed. As Kai’s eyes grew accustom to the light, he made another horrific discovery, and Minseok seemed to realize it at the same time.

“By the Tree,” Minseok gasped, gripping Kai’s shoulder tightly, “Is that a straightjacket?”

What Kai had thought were blankets he now saw to indeed be a straightjacket, keeping Suho’s arms pinned to his sides. This time Kai didn’t try to hold back tears.

“They’re treating him like a criminal,” he whimpered, clinging to Minseok’s hand. His eyes were adjusting to the light, and he found himself unable to look away from Suho’s face. The name Suho meant Guardian, and it was really a mundane name. Kai thought they should have named him Angel. He didn’t know if angels were real, but he had read about how they were believed in some cultures to be gentle, beautiful, ethereal creatures—Kai knew what all those words meant and he thought that Suho embodied them.

Suho had been cleaned up since Kai last saw him, and his hair had been cut. He still had rough skin and chapped lips left over from the extreme cold he’d been exposed to, but there was a certain amount of delicacy in him too—he reminded Kai of Chen in that sense, and Kai wanted nothing more than to protect him.

“Minseok, look at him, how could they do this to him? He’s not dangerous at all, he wouldn’t hurt us…what can we do?” Kai looked up and saw that Minseok was crying too.

Minseok tucked Kai against his side, holding him close. “Send him positive energy,” he whispered. “You can do that, right Kai? You know what to do?” (2)

Kai nodded and tried to pull himself together. Together he and Minseok pressed their palms against the glass and closed their eyes. Kai imagined a soft white light surrounding them, he imagined Suho growing stronger and healthier, the scars and wind burns fading from his skin. Kai imagined Suho smiling, sitting up, reaching for his hand. He made himself believe that everything would be okay, and reminded himself that Suho was a Guardian, and he was here for a reason. Suho would be great, and Kai needed to be strong for him.

After a while Minseok tapped Kai on the shoulder and told him that they had to stop or they would risk fainting, but they would come back the following night, and the night after that, and as long as they could get away with it. Kai allowed himself to be lead away from the room, but his thoughts lingered with Suho. He let Minseok explain to the others what they had seen while he stayed quiet.

The next night was no easier, especially when Minseok confided in Kai that he suspected Suho was being drugged, to keep him calm.

“To keep him quiet, more like it,” Kai replied, his voice hoarse—it was, he realized, the first time he’d spoken in almost 24 hours.

“Maybe,” Minseok admitted, “But Kai, he could really hurt himself if he gets scared enough. At least part of it is for his own safety.” But Minseok almost sounded like he didn’t really believe what he was saying.

Then on the third night, as Kai and Minseok approached the quarantine chamber, Suho stirred slightly and opened his eyes.

By this time Kai’s eyes had gotten accustom to seeing in the red light, and he was able to make out the look on Suho’s face. At first he looked blank, then his brow furrowed in confusion. Then he raised his eyes a little, and locked gazes with Kai. It made sense, because Minseok had pushed Kai into the room first, and Kai would have been the first person Suho saw, but Kai was still shocked that Suho was staring at _him_.

Kai braced himself, waiting for Suho to scream or recoil or something, but he didn’t. He stared at Kai, not even blinking—he didn’t look scared or upset at all, he looked kind of emotionless in fact.

“Minseok,” Kai breathed, “He’s awake.”

“I know.”

“What do we do?”

“Go closer,” Minseok said, coming out from behind Kai and standing by his side, pulling him to stand closer to the glass. Suho’s eyes flicked to Minseok, taking him in much the same way he had done with Kai.

“Hello,” Minseok said quietly. “Hello, Suho.”

Suho blinked and his face seemed to relax a little, his eyes roaming freely over Minseok and Kai’s faces. After a moment he shuffled in his bed, coming closer but hiding his face in his pillow at the same time, until he was peeking at them with only one eye.

Kai found himself smiling. “He’s so cute,” he whispered, his voice breaking. His chest felt weird, almost heavy, but not in a bad way. Suho’s eyes locked onto Kai once more, and he lifted his face from the pillow a little. Kai smiled wider, and Suho stared more intently. After a moment Suho’s lips parted, showing his teeth a little.

“Kai, he’s trying to smile at you!”

“Are you sure?” Kai asked, looking over at Minseok, “It looks more like a grimace.”

“Do it again.”

So Kai looked back to Suho, and when he saw how seriously Suho seemed to be studying him, it wasn’t hard for him to smile again--Suho was so adorable. Once again Suho showed his teeth, but this time Kai could see the slight upturn of his lips.

“By the Tree, he’s so _cute_ ,” Kai said again, and then he pressed his hand against the glass, the way he had for the last two nights.

That would turn out to be a mistake, because Suho tried to imitate him again. He moved his shoulders, and the smile dropped from his face, replaced by a look of confusion. Suho looked down at himself, and Kai felt his blood turn to ice.

“Oh no,” He and Minseok whispered together.

Suho looked up again, panic raw on his face. His eyes darted back and forth between Kai and Minseok, and he began to writhe on the mattress, tears forming in his eyes. He was whimpering, his legs kicking out at the blankets.

“Shh,” Minseok whispered desperately, “Suho, don’t! Shh, it’ll be okay, it’s okay, Suho please…!”

But Suho began to cry, and his cries quickly grew in volume.

“We have to go,” Minseok whispered.

“We can’t leave him like this!” Kai shouted.

A door opened and the room was flooded with light. Suho cried out, hiding his face in the sheets, and Kai and Minseok froze. They were busted.

“What in the name of the Tree are you doing here?!” The head Matron cried, and she seized Kai and Minseok by their arms and began to pull them away. As she did, Suho began to scream in earnest, sitting up and leaning forward, tears streaming down his cheeks.

“Let go of me!” Kai found himself shouting as he thrashed in the Matron’s grip, “Let me go! You can’t do this to him, you can’t keep him like this!! Let me go, LET ME GO!!” He had to scream to be heard over Suho, who was screaming even louder, and Kai froze as he distinguished words. Suho was screaming ‘ _Don’t go_ ,’ over and over again.

“I’ll be back!” Kai yelled, crying nearly as hard as Suho was—he’d been pulled almost to the door, he could hear Minseok screaming behind him, “I’ll come back for you Suho, I promise, they can’t keep us away, we’ll help you—”

He was pulled into the hallway and he rounded on the Matron right away.

“HOW DARE YOU DO THIS TO HIM?" Kai screeched, feeling like his throat was tearing apart. "HE WAS FINE UNTIL YOU CAME ALONG, HE WAS FINE! LET HIM GO RIGHT NOW, LET HIM GO, HE’S JUST SCARED, HE’S NOT DANGEROUS, YOU’RE THE DANGEROUS ONE! YOU _MONSTER_ —”

Kai didn’t register that he’d been slapped until he found himself suddenly staring at the wall. He realized that he’d actually stumbled from the force of it, and his cheek felt like it was on fire—but he quickly forgot about it, rage replacing pain.

He turned back to the Matron and stared her down, letting his anger show on his face. “You will regret this,” he growled—he didn’t even recognize his own voice. “I will make you pay for what you’ve done to him. You’ve made him powerless, you’ve humiliated him, you’ve given him a reason to be fearful and you will not get away with it. Do you understand me? I am a Guardian and I will not forget or forgive what you have done.”

The Matron didn’t flinch, but Kai saw the fear in her eyes and he reveled in it.

“Go to your room, both of you,” she said evenly. “The day after tomorrow we will be taking Suho to see the Tree of Life. He will be healed, and we will put this behind us.”

“You’re taking us with you,” Minseok said—it was not a question, it was an order. “Us and the Southern Guardians. We all have to be there for this, for Suho.”

For a second Kai thought she might refuse.

“Very well,” She finally said. “We will make it happen. Now go, and do not come back here.”

* * *

Jongin was only thirteen months old when he ran away from home. “Ran” being a figurative word—toddled was more like it. He learned to teleport at a young age, purely because he would have died of starvation otherwise. He learned after he got to the Sanctuary that it was the spirit of the Tree pushing him to survive. He may have been a mere baby, but it didn’t matter. He could do incredible things with the power that he had, or rather the power that he had could make him do incredible things.

Jongin had his memories from childhood, starting from the moment he was born. It was terrifying at times, being able to remember everything that had ever happened to him, but it was almost more terrifying to realize that there were gaps in his memory. This was where, he would come to realize, the spirit of the Tree had taken control and kept him alive. When Jongin left home, he blacked out. He went from lying in his cradle, hunger gnawing at his stomach, to standing in the middle of a marketplace, surrounded by strange people. Jongin may have been a Guardian, possessed by a great power, but he was still a thirteen month old child, and so he did what any scared, hungry, desperate child would do. He started wailing at the top of his lungs.

Naturally everything around him went screeching to a halt and every adult in the area rushed over to him.

“Are you alright?”

“Sweet child, are you hurt?”

“Where is your mother, darling?”

“Where did you come from?”

Jongin only cried louder as they asked him more and more questions, and finally a young teenage girl managed to push her way through the crowd. She shouted at the adults to shut up, to give him some space. Jongin latched onto her leg and sobbed until he exhausted himself, and then the girl picked him up and announced that he was probably an orphan, and she would take care of him.

Her name was Mia, and she was an orphan herself. She had a job looking after the young children of parents who worked long hours. Sometimes the kids would stay with her for days or even weeks at a time. It was always crowded at her house, and Jongin hadn’t fully understood why he was with her, but it was better than where he had come from. It took him a while to get used to being around people, to the loud sounds, the smells, the sights. It took him even longer to get used to being touched. He could handle Mia’s hugs and pats to the head, but the other kids would sometimes run into him or grab him from behind, and it could send him into a state of panic where he would fall to the ground and cry.

But eventually Jongin came to realize that he had it pretty good at Mia’s house. He could eat whenever he wanted, as much as he wanted—and he did. He would follow Mia around, clinging to her leg and whining for snacks. Whenever she was cooking, Jongin would be standing (literally) on top of her feet with his mouth open, much like a baby bird, and she would feed him bits of vegetables or cheese, whatever she happened to have on hand at the time. If Jongin cried, Mia would always come along to pick him up and cuddle him until he stopped. The other kids were wary around him, because he could speak like a much older child and he was more interested in books than toys. Mia was the one who taught him how to read, and Jongin tore through the books at her house very quickly.

Mia was also the one who eventually told the city elders about the mark on Jongin’s chest, and it was because of her that he learned who he truly was. When the Matrons came to take him to the Sanctuary he was sad and a little bit scared, but Mia told him not to worry. There would be children just like him where he was going, and he would be able to eat and read as much as he wanted. When Jongin saw the huge library that the Sanctuary had, he vowed never to leave. He thought he’d found paradise.

Jongin was convinced that he became someone different when he had his name changed to Kai. It was unfortunate, he thought, that his new name arrived at the same time that Suho had, because now he couldn’t help but to associated the change in his name with his new attitude. In reality it was all because of Suho. When Kai saw how Suho was being treated, he realized that the Sanctuary was not a paradise. It was essentially a warehouse, a storage space where young Guardians were housed until such a time where their older counterparts could be bothered to deal with them. The people who ran this warehouse, the Matrons, Healers, and Teachers, could not be trusted to have the Guardian’s best interests at heart. Kai grew up when Suho came along, his eyes were opened to a new reality, and he realized that though he was only five years old, he was not a child anymore.

Because Kai knew what it was like to open his eyes and find himself in a strange and frightening place where no one could understand him, he decided that he would make it his personal mission to reach out to Suho and help him belong. He knew he wouldn’t be able to sneak back into Quarantine to see Suho again—in fact he heard that since Suho had been found not to have any diseases he was being moved out of that place—but he also knew he had a better shot at seeing Suho once they were all on the way to seeing the Tree of Life. Before he could do that though, he and Minseok needed to fill the rest of the Guardians in on Suho’s condition, and that included their Southern counterparts.

Minseok didn’t have time to prepare a speech for the younger ones on how to act and what to say. On the day that they left they were woken up before dawn and ushered out, half asleep and still in their night clothes, loaded into carriages and taken to a waiting train. It took a whole day for them to reach the pickup point for Southern Guardians, and Minseok still hadn’t had a chance to explain anything to them. He’d spent the entire day convincing Sehun—who only remembered the train as what had taken him away from his home—that he was not being taken away from them.

When the southern Guardians stepped onto the train, they instantly froze and stared in shock at the seven boys who were facing them. The southerners stood shoulder to shoulder, and the smallest one clung to the tallest one’s waist, looking like he was about to cry.

The tallest one cleared his throat. “Um, it’s nice to meet you,” and then he bowed, and the other three followed suit.

Minseok jumped and bowed as well, and all but Sehun followed his lead. Sehun, bless him, ran up to one of the boys and latched onto his hand.

“I want to be friends with the pretty one!” He cried, staring up at the boy in wonder.

Minseok made a noise like a dying cat and the new boy blinked at Sehun in confusion.

“What did you say, little one?” He asked politely, and Kai wondered how old this boy was for him to be so darn cute.

Minseok cleared his throat. “He said, um…’I want to be friends with the pretty one.’”

The other boy gasped in delight. “How adorable!” He cried, leaning down and pinching Sehun’s cheeks. “By the Tree, you’re so cute! What’s your name?”

“Sehunnie,” Sehun said sweetly, smiling at the boy.

“Hi Sehunnie, I’m Lu Han!”

The taller boy grinned at Minseok. “Should we give them a moment?” He joked, and Minseok laughed.

“I’m Kris,” the tall boy said, “And you know Lu Han now…this is Lay, and this is Tao.” He tugged on the arm around his waist. “Tao, sweetie, it’s okay…” and then he started talking in Southern dialect.

While Minseok introduced their own side, Kai eyed Sehun and Lu Han with a little jealousy. It had taken Sehun a week to open up to them, and now he’d latched onto this Lu Han boy like they’d been friends their whole lives. Once Minseok had finished, he walked over to the two of them.

“Sehun has a speech problem,” He said, figuring Lu Han should know (he seemed to get more and more confused each time Sehun opened his mouth). “His words come out jumbled sometimes.”

Lu Han’s eyes widened in shock, but he smiled at Sehun. “It’s okay,” he said, patting Sehun’s head, “I’ll learn to understand your language.”

Sehun beamed and Kai’s heart twisted.

“So,” Kris said, looking around, “Where’s our twelfth brother? Our Teachers said you found him.”

Minseok winced. “Um, maybe we should go talk somewhere else.”

When Minseok finished his explanation, he was met with stunned silence.

“Poor Suho,” Lay finally whispered. He sounded close to tears. “I…I can heal, that’s my gift, maybe I could help?”

“No,” Kris said immediately. “No, Lay, you can barely heal anything more than a scrape, and you don’t know the extent of your gift, I won’t let you put yourself in danger for this. It’s so generous of you to offer, but it’s too much right now.”

Lay nodded and bit down on his lip as though to keep from crying, and Kris put an arm around his shoulders and tugged him closer. Kai could see how great of a leader Kris would be, could see why they made him leader even though Lu Han was older.

“Why do they treat him like that?” Tao asked—the longest sentence he’d spoken thus far, probably because his Northern dialect was easily the poorest.

“I think on some level they want to keep him from hurting himself and other people,” Minseok explained, “But really…they didn’t take the time to get to know him. And I found out that when they found him, they literally trapped him in a net and shot him with a tranquilizer to take him to us.”

“What?!” Kris yelled, his eyes blazing with anger. “They trapped him in a net? Like an animal? In the name of the Tree I never—” And he cut himself off, his jaw twitching like he wanted to say more but didn’t trust himself.

“I know,” Minseok said simply, and he was never one to get angry easily but Kai could see the rage in his eyes.

“I understand him,” Kai blurted, and ten pairs of eyes locked on him. “Um…I was…like him, for a little while. When I was a baby my…my mother didn’t take care of me. She didn’t feed me, or touch me, or talk to me or even look at me, really. I was all alone, and the first time I saw people, the first time somebody tried to hold me…I cried until I collapsed. It took me a long time to get used to being around people, and any surprise sound or movement could make me so scared. But I hated being touched more than anything.” He scowled, remembering hands grabbing at him, pushing him, pulling him around. “I hated it…” he mumbled again.

Minseok sat next to Kai and rubbed his arm. “But that’s why we need you, Kai. You know how to act around Suho. You can teach us.”

Kai shook his head. “It’s different,” he whispered. “Suho isn’t me, he may be like me but I can’t predict everything he does. All I can say is don’t yell, or make sudden moves, or try to force him to come to you. But if he does then…it okay to offer him your hand, or ask if he wants a hug. I think he understands us when we talk, or most of what we say, and he can talk too…just not as much.” He shrugged. “It’s not a lot to go on…”

“But it’s very helpful,” Kris said quickly. “Really Kai, this is good to know. Thank you for telling us.”

Kai couldn’t help but smile at the praise.

“I think we should go see Suho,” Minseok said. “But not all at once.”

“But we’re stronger when we’re together!” Chanyeol cried. “I think we should give it a try, see if we can help Suho just a little. As long as we don’t crowd him and stay quiet, maybe it’ll be okay!”

Kris turned to Kai. “What do you think?”

Kai thought for a moment. “I think it would be okay. We can divide ourselves into groups, go to him a few at a time and watch to see if he gets overwhelmed.”

“It sounds like a good plan to me,” Kris said, looking over at Minseok. “What do you think?”

Minseok nodded. “We can try it at least, but Kai, Kris, and I will go first.”

Kai knew that they honored his opinions on the matter, but he was still shocked to be included alongside the leaders in their visit. He was the second youngest in the group, after all.

Minseok and Kris made it a point not to sneak around on the train. They were the official leaders of the group, and even though they were both only nine years old, that gave them some authority, especially when they were together and when it included one of their own. All nine of their boys trailed after them, trying to look as grown up and sure as they did, but Kai knew that they looked more nervous than anything.

Kris and Minseok brought the group to a halt outside the car that Suho was being kept in.

“The rest of you have to wait out here,” Kris told them. “Divide yourselves into groups. Lu Han, can you supervise?”

Lu Han nodded (Sehun was still clinging to him). “I’ll look after them,” he promised.

Kris then pulled a pin out of his pocket. “I do not normally approve of this, but this is a desperate situation.” And then he began to pick the lock.

Chanyeol watched with wide eyes. “Can you show me how to do that?” He asked.

“No,” Kris and Minseok said firmly.

It didn’t take long for Kris to unlock the door, and when he did the three of them quickly slipped inside the car. The train was fairly narrow, but the car felt roomy because it was sparsely furnished. There was a bed on one side, and all the way next to the door there was a single dresser and a pitcher of water. There were two windows on either side of the car, and both were covered with curtains. Suho was curled up on the bed, covered by a thick blanket and not moving.

Kai approached the bed first, tiptoeing quietly. “Suho?” He called softly as he approached.

The blankets stirred. Suho’s back was facing the door, and Kai couldn’t tell if he was awake.

“Suho, I’m here to help you,” Kai went on. “Do you remember me?”

Slowly, Suho turned over. His eyes were only half open, and he looked tired. He woke up a little when he recognized Kai, but when he saw Minseok and Kris he shrank back a bit.

“It’s okay,” Kai said gently, “They’re here to help, too. You remember Minseok, right?”

Minseok waved and smiled.

“That’s our new friend, Kris,” Kai explained as he continued to approach the bed. “He’s our brother.”

Suho was watching Kai’s advancement, and when Kai was standing only a few feet from the bed Suho finally sat up and the blanket fell aside. Kai heard Kris gasp, and Kai himself had to hold back tears when he saw that Suho was still strapped into the straightjacket.

“Oh Suho,” Kai sighed. He looked at Suho’s face, but Suho’s eyes were darting around, jumping from one person to another.

Kai stepped even closer. “Suho, can you look at me?”

Suho hesitated, but turned his gaze to Kai. Kai wanted to cry when he saw Suho’s eyes. He looked scared and desperate, but more than anything he looked confused.

“It’s okay,” Kai soothed, “I know how you feel. I…Can you understand me?” Kai asked softly, not expecting an answer. Suho cocked his head to one side, his expression turning quizzical. Kai grinned in spite of himself—Suho was so adorable!

Kai allowed his smile to show slightly, trying to make himself as nonthreatening as possible. “You know that Suho isn’t your real name, right?” He asked, “But we don’t know what to call you, so we had to pick another name. Right now, we’re going to a special place, and you’re going to get better. You’re going to learn how to talk to us, you’re going to learn about who you are.” Kai paused, wondering if he was overdoing it. Suho looked like he was hanging on Kai’s every word.

“You’re very special,” Minseok put in. Suho jumped a little and looked over at Minseok, but he didn’t look scared anymore. Minseok continued, “You’re special, but not alone. We’re like you, we’re your friends and your family now. We’re going to take care of you and protect you, because we’re connected.”

“And there’s more of us,” Kris added, “Standing just outside, there’s eight other boys just like you, and they all feel connected to you even though they haven’t met you.”

Suho was looking at them wide-eyed, and Kai thought for a moment that he understood everything, every single word, and Suho would open his mouth and speak to them at any second. Suho’s lips parted slightly, but all the came out was a low pitched whine, and he leaned forward and heat-butted Kai’s shoulder.

Kai felt disappointment weigh heavily in his stomach. “What is it?” He asked Suho, trying to mask the fact that he wanted to cry.

Suho head-butted him again and whined louder.

“Suho? What is it that you want?” Kris asked, sitting at the end of Suho’s bed. “We can’t…” He broke off. It was an unspoken agreement not to tell Suho that they couldn’t understand him.

Kai sighed and looked Suho over, inadvertently locking eyes with him—he’d just meant to take in Suho’s expression, but his gaze was so strong, so pleading…as Kai stared, Suho’s eyes slowly began to fill with tears. It all clicked and Kai gasped as he looked down at Suho’s torso. “Oh, oh my gosh—I’m so sorry, I forgot!” he cried, fluttering his hands, unsure of how to start…

“What, what is it?” Minseok asked.

“He wants us to take him out of the straightjacket,” Kai said, his voice breaking.

A few tears slipped from Suho’s eyes and he hiccupped quietly. Kai reached for him and Suho leaned away, looking uncertain.

“You poor thing,” Kai whispered. “Poor Suho, it’s okay, I won’t hurt you.”

“Kai,” Minseok said softly, “We don’t know if…if he’ll attack us if he gets scared.”

“But he’s so little,” Kris said, sounding shocked, “And thin…he looks like he’d fall over if I sneezed near him.”

Kai nodded, never taking his eyes off Suho. “We could fight back if we needed to, but we won’t.” He smiled even though he wanted to cry. “Right Suho? You won’t hurt us, will you?”

Suho shuffled forward a little, wriggling his shoulders.

“Okay,” Minseok said, “Kai, will you need help?”

“Maybe, I don’t know how it works…”

Kai reached out slowly and laid his hand on Suho’s arm. Suho flinched but didn’t pull away, and when Kai slowly undid one of the buckles on the jacket Suho’s eyes went wide. He leaned forward, whimpering a little. Kai got the message—‘ _Hurry up, get me out of here._ ’

“Minseok, help me,” Kai ordered as he quickly moved onto the next buckle. Between the two of them they got the jacket opened up in only a minute, and as soon as they did Suho scurried away from them until his back hit the headboard. He was panting, twitching, and he jerked his shoulders violently only to let out a pained cry.

“What’s wrong with him?” Kai gasped, looking over his shoulder at the older boys.

Kris’ face had gone white. “I-I think his arms are asleep…from being pinned so tightly for so long.”

Suho was weeping, curling in on himself as he bucked, trying to throw the straightjacket off. He cried out in pain again.

“Oh, don’t,” Kai begged as he started to cry too, “Please Suho, calm down—you’ll hurt yourself!”

Suho looked up, seeming to respond to Kai’s pleading tone. Kai inched forward, holding out his hand. “I can help you, I can get it off without hurting you, but I need you to come here.”

Suho sniffled and hesitated, but he finally inched forward. Kai laid his hands on Suho’s arms, watching for his response. When he didn’t seem scared, Kai slowly rubbed his hands up and down Suho’s arms, trying to get the blood flowing again. Minseok caught on and moved to help Kai, moving carefully so as not to startled Suho.

Suho was tense at first, but as the minutes passed he relaxed, even leaning into the touch. Kai wondered how long it had been since Suho had been embraced by a human being, or shown physical contact that wasn’t forceful or hurtful. Once Suho’s arms had gone lax, Minseok suggested they try again. They eased the straightjacket off, and Suho winced but it seemed to be more from general stiffness—in any case he didn’t scream in pain.

Kai and Minseok backed off once they’d freed Suho from the jacket, and Kris murmured that they shouldn’t try to touch him again, but rather let him come to them. Suho wasn’t paying attention to them, he was gazing down at his arms like he’d never seen them before. He slowly rotated his elbows, then his wrists, then he flexed his fingers. He looked up at the three boys who were watching his every move, and it was strange—he literally looked like he was teetering on the edge of something, but he wasn’t moving and he was seated securely on the bed. Kai recognized it as the urge to speak.

“What is it?” He prompted. “What do you want to say?”

Suho opened his mouth, but nothing came out. He looked frustrated, and he glanced around the room, his eyes finally landing near the door. His brow furrowed, and he formed his hand into a fist with one finger extended. Slowly he raised his hand and held it out, pointing across the room. He was only able to hold his arm up for a few seconds before it flopped back into his lap, but Kris got the message.

“He wants the water pitcher,” he explained. “I guess he must be thirsty.”

Minseok nodded. “That could be it, but they said that his gift was Water.”

“We won’t know until we bring it over here.”

Kris got up and poured some of the water into a cup. He brought it back and held it up in front of Suho. “What—” he began, but Suho lunged forward and tried to stick his face into the cup.

“Whoa!” Kai cried, holding his hands up, “Suho, not like that!”

Suho backed up, looking confused.

“Like this,” Kris said, and he lifted the cup to his lips and pretended to drink. He then held the cup back out, level with Suho’s mouth. Suho leaned forward, clearly not understanding, and pressed his lips to the rim of the cup. Kris tilted it slightly, and managed to get a little into Suho’s mouth, but most of it dribbled down his chin because his lips weren’t properly sealed on the rim.

Suho huffed in frustration, and before anyone could stop him he snatched the cup away from Kris and held it up to his face, scowling at it.

“Wow,” Kris said, taking a step back. “His arms got strong real fast.”

Kai nodded, watching Suho curiously. Suho was studying the cup carefully, and after a moment held his free hand over the cup. As the three of them watched the water rose up, forming a perfect sphere. Suho withdrew his hand and the water followed, and after a moment he allowed the cup to fall to the floor, cupping both his hands under the sphere of water. He seemed to be balancing it, ensuring that it would stay upright, and after a moment he looked up at the three of them, his eyes wide and almost hopeful.

“Good job,” Kai said quickly, “Wow, that’s amazing Suho! That’s really wonderful!” And he smiled brightly. When Suho’s eyes lit up, Kai mumbled out of the corner of his mouth, “Praise him.”

Minseok and Kris launched into enthusiastic praises, and Suho actually smiled at them—there was no mistaking it, he wasn’t struggling as he had been that night in the hospital. Kai felt like a huge weight had been lifted from his chest, like he could see Suho improving by leaps and bounds even now, when they weren’t doing much of anything.

“We should call the others in here,” Kai said excitedly. He sat on the bed next to Suho, grinning at him. “Suho, you want to meet everyone, right? You want to meet your brothers?”

Suho grinned widely and held out his hands, shoving the water sphere under Kai’s nose.

Kai nodded, “Yes, that’s very good Suho, very good. Do you want to see more things like this?”

Suho’s expression turned quizzical—he dropped his hands and the water splashed over the mattress, but Suho wasn’t paying attention.

“Suho,” Minseok said, “Watch this!” He held out his hand, palm out, and slowly formed a thin layer of ice on his palm. Suho was absolutely mesmerized, his jaw hanging, and he actually poked Minseok’s palm.

“Want to see more?” Minseok asked, parroting Kai. “Your brothers can do things like this too.”

Suho looked up eagerly, bouncing slightly on the bed.

“Let’s try,” Kai suggested. “But no more than three at a time.”

Kris went to the door and asked for three volunteers, and Sehun, Tao, and Chen came scampering in. Kai carefully watched Suho’s expression, but he didn’t look scared. He eyed the younger kids curiously, his eyes flicking back and forth between them.

Tao and Chen hung back, staring wide-eyed at Suho, but Sehun grinned and ambled forward.

“Pretty,” he whispered. “Pretty hyung.”

“You think everyone is pretty, Sehun-ah,” Minseok laughed, catching Sehun in his arms before he could get too close to the bed. Sehun giggled when Minseok kissed his cheek, and Suho watched with wide eyes.

“Sehun, show Suho what you can do,” Kai suggested.

Sehun clapped his hands. “Sehun will!” He cried, and then he held up his hands and created a light breeze that fluttered Suho’s hair around his face. Suho looked around in shock, to see where the wind was coming from, and Sehun giggled again.

“Me, Suho!” He cried, pointing to himself. “Sehunnie did it!” And he did it again.

Suho looked around eagerly before his eyes landed on the water-spot on his mattress, and he pouted.

“It’s okay,” Kai said quickly, motioning for the pitcher and glass again, “Here, you can have some more water…”

Suho perked up again as soon as he was handed a new glass of water, and he performed the same water sphere trick for the younger kids. It got Tao and Chen to snap out of their shyness and shuffle forward, all the young kids staring in wonder at Suho’s gift. Suho looked very proud of himself, and while he was distracted Kai motioned for Kris to let some more people in.

Baekhyun. Chanyeol and Lay were next, and Chanyeol gasped loudly when he saw what Suho was doing.

“Daebak!” He whispered, and Suho looked up in surprise but didn’t seem scared. In fact his smile widened, and he pulled more water from the cup to make the sphere bigger.

“Show off,” Kai laughed.

“Suho, watch what I can do!” Baekhyun said. He pulled from his pocket one of the crystals he loved to carry around, laying it flat in his palm. When his hand lit up, rainbows were scattered all over the room.

“Whoa,” Kris and Tao said at the same time, and Kai realized that it was the first time they had seen any of their gifts as well. Suho was transfixed, his eyes flitting around the room until they landed on a rainbow near his hand, and he became focused on catching it.

Baekhyun’s focus was broken when Kyungsoo and Lu Han came in, and Suho looked disappointed for only a second before Kris suggested that Lu Han show Suho what he could do. Lu Han pulled a few beads out of his pocket and made them float in the air, turning in a lazy circle. Everyone was impressed by that, especially Suho.

“I guess I can’t show him my gift,” Chanyeol said mournfully.

“What is your gift?” Kris asked.

“Fire,” Chanyeol answered.

The conversation continued, but Kai had stopped paying attention. He was grinning at Suho, taking in his expression.

“I knew you wouldn’t be scared of us,” Kai said proudly. “I knew from the moment I saw you.” He suddenly remembered holding his hand to the glass and how Suho had tried to imitate him. Kai had yet to actually attempt to touch Suho skin-to-skin, and he wondered now if Suho would allow it.

“Hey, do you remember this?” Kai asked, holding his hand up as if he was pressing it flat against a thick layer of glass. He hadn’t even noticed how quiet it had gotten, focused only on Suho as he stared intently at Kai’s hand. Suho’s own hand twitched, and Kai was sure he was going to do it, he was going to touch their hands together—

Suho leaned forward and pressed his cheek against Kai’s hand, nuzzling it like a puppy.

Kai squeaked in surprise and everyone in the room sighed “Aww,” at the exact same time.

“He’s so adorable!” Lu Han choked.

“He’s like a puppy!” Chen said.

Suho was focused on Kai, his eyes wide and uncertain even as he kept his cheek pressed to Kai’s hand. Kai slowly slid his hand into Suho’s hair, ruffling it.

“You’re not scared, you’re not scared at all!” He was amazed. Was this the same boy who had been screaming hysterically at the sight of a matron? How could they be the same? Suho was so sweet, so gentle, he wouldn’t hurt a fly!

As if hearing Kai’s thoughts, the door opened again and everyone turned to see a matron standing in the doorway

“You children—” She began, and Suho let out a piercing shriek and threw himself behind Kai, his arms going around Kai’s shoulders and anchoring himself.

“GET OUT!” Kai screamed, anger flaring inside of him.

“Leave us alone!” Minseok yelled, and Kai realized that every one of them had an identical expression of anger on his face, even Sehun. The Matron stepped back in shock and Lu Han threw out a hand, the door slamming shut.

“Damn it,” Minseok swore. “Is Suho alright?”

“No,” Kai shot at him, trying to twist around, but Suho’s grip was too strong. He was crying, and Kai realized that he was saying something.

“No, no, no…” Suho whimpered, clutching Kai tighter. “No, no…”

“Suho, it’s okay,” Kai soothed, patting Suho’s hand—the only part of him he could reach. “She’s gone now.”

Minseok came and sat on the bed. “She’s gone, and we won’t let her hurt you. We won’t let anyone hurt you ever again, I promise.”

Suho responded to the soothing tone and his grip on Kai’s shoulders went lax. Immediately Kai turned to face him. Suho’s face was already tear-stained, and his eyes were frightened.

“You’re okay,” Kai soothed, holding out his arms. “Do you—”

He didn’t get to finish his sentence, Suho launched himself into Kai’s arms and lap, burrowing into him so enthusiastically that Kai almost fell over.

“Okay,” Kai grunted, “I guess you do want a hug.”

Sehun giggled. “Cuddle bunny!” He said cheerfully, hopping up and down. Before anyone could stop him, Sehun climbed up on the bed alongside Kai and began to pet Suho’s hair. He said something else, but Kai couldn’t make it out. In any case it didn’t seem to matter, Suho looked up at Sehun and grinned, relaxing even more. Kai was stunned—it had taken him weeks to get comfortable anough to allow more than one person to touch him at once.

As if reading his mind, Minseok sat down on Kai’s other side and rubbed his arm. “You said it yourself, Kai, Suho isn’t you. It seems to me like he understands that he’s one of us, so he’s okay with us. He was so scared when the Matron came in, I’m sure that if she tried to do this he wouldn’t be so calm.”

“It might not even be because we’re Guardians,” Kris added, “It could just be because we’re kids.”

Tao suddenly gasped and demanded something of Kris, but he said it in Southern dialect and Kai didn’t understand. Kris seemed hesitant, and Lu Han jumped in.

“Yeah, do it Kris,” He encouraged. “Show Suho your gift!”

“I-I don’t know,” Kris stuttered, “It might scared him…” he blushed when he realized that everyone was staring at him. “Oh fine,” he mumbled.

There was a collective gasp as a pair of huge, jet-black wings unfolded from Kris’ back.

“Holy smokes!” Kai cried, “Where were you hiding those?”

“They fold really close to my—” Kris began, but was cut off when Suho squealed in delight and leapt up from Kai’s lap, running over to Kris and staring at his wings in awe.

“You can pet them,” Lay said excitedly, showing Suho what he meant, “Go on, try it!”

Suho hesitantly reached out, brushing his fingers along Kris' wings. Kris was biting his lip, looking away.

“He’s ticklish,” Lu Han explained, his tone teasing.

Kris looked like he wanted to fire back, but Suho (becoming more and more emboldened) raked both his hands through Kris’ feathers and whatever Kris was about to say came out garbled. “Okay, that’s enough,” he said quickly, sweeping his wings shut and dragging Suho along with them. Suho squeaked in surprise when he found himself pressed against Kris’ chest, held there by a pair of fluffy wings. His expression turned to absolute glee and he buried his face in the feathers, sighing happily.

“Bird hug!” Sehun cried, pointing, “Me too, Krissy!”

“Me too!” Chen cried, “I want a bird hug too!”

“Now hold on,” Kris said, walking Suho back over to the bed and sitting down, tugging Suho onto his lap, “First ask Suho if he wants to share.”

Suho at the rest of them from between Kris’ feathers and snuggled further back, but the feathers tickled his nose and he let out a tiny sneeze.

“He’s so cute!” Chanyeol cried, pushing his way up onto the bed as well. “Suho can have the wings, he’s too cute to say no to.”

“Hey, move over,” Kai cried, shoving at Chanyeol’s shoulder, “I wanna sit next to Suho and Kris! Besides, Suho likes me best, right Suho?”

Suho’s hand poked out from under Kris’ wing and Kai linked their fingers together. Suho squeezed his hand and Kai’s heart soared.

“He likes you best because he doesn’t know any better,” Chanyeol teased, “Just wait until he finds out how fun I am.”

“Move over,” Tao demanded, “I wanna sit up there too!”

“Me too!” Chen yelled, running after Tao.

“Hey, me too!” Kyungsoo yelped. “Wait for me!”

“You’re all going to break the bed!” Minseok cried, “Hold on, wait!!”

Over all the commotion, Kai thought he heard something coming from the cocoon of Kris’ wings. He leaned closer and caught Kris’ eye.

Kris smiled at him. “Yeah, he’s laughing.”

* * *

It took them a week to get to the Tree, and they spent all of it with Suho. They only left the car to bathe and get food, and even then they would eat with Suho. They tried to teach him how to eat with utensils, but Suho would always get frustrated and throw them aside. The only thing they really managed to teach Suho was how to use the toilet—that was really important.

Suho spent almost the whole week snuggled in Kris’ wings, and when he wasn’t with Kris he divided his time between Minseok and Kai. He had grown very fond of petting Kai’s hair, and Kai wasn’t about to tell him to stop. Suho had seemed to realize that Kai was younger than him, and was trying to take care of him. He was shy around the other kids, but not afraid of them. it seemed to Kai that Suho just didn’t know what to do with them.

“He really is a lot like a puppy,” Kai remarked, watching Suho sleep. He was curled up in a little ball, his head resting on Minseok’s leg. Suho hated vegetables, and he often gnawed on chicken bones. Sometimes he’d growl when he was frustrated, and more than that he was very submissive, much like a dog at the bottom of a pack.

“I did overhear the matrons say he was raised by wolves,” Minseok said. “I thought they were exaggerating, but they might not have been.”

“Wouldn’t the wolves have eaten him?” Chen asked nervously.

Kai resisted the urge to shove Chen over on the bed. He could never understand why Chen was always so nervous, he needed to loosen up a little, he needed to run and play, and all Minseok ever did was baby him. Chen would be so much more fun if he would just—

“Not necessarily,” Minseok said, interrupting Kai’s train of thought. “I have heard stories of wolves taking in young creatures and raising them. And…I mean we are Guardians. We’re not exactly normal human beings. Maybe…maybe the Tree had something to do with it.”

There was silence at the mention of the Tree. None of them really understood how it worked, how the Tree managed to be the center of their world, how it gave them their gifts, how it could have possibly protected Suho.

“When we get there,” Chanyeol said, “Will we…be able to see the Tree?”

Minseok and Kris both shrugged. “Maybe,” Kris said. “We might as well, we’re already there after all.”

“How long stay?” Sehun asked, wincing at the way the words came out.

Minseok quickly reached out to him, patting his cheek. “It’s okay honey. I don’t know how long we’ll stay, I guess however long it takes for Suho to get better.”

“That could take weeks!” Kai exploded.

“The Tree can cheat,” Baekhyun said. “It has ways.”

Baekhyun had barely spoken during the trip, and he eyed Suho with a kind of apprehension that Kai didn't understand. He finally cornered Baekhyun to ask him about it when they went to get food.

“Does Suho scare you?” Kai asked, not to be mean—he wanted to help, if that was the case.

Baekhyun paused for a moment. “Not really,” he finally said. “It’s just…I’ve been thinking about what happened to me and…I was alone.” His voice broke and he paused to take a breath. “I never thought of it like that but I was alone for a long time. I fooled myself into thinking I wasn’t scared but I guess I was. Especially at night. I still hate the dark, and sometimes I wonder if the Tree knew I was going to be locked up by myself, and that’s why it gave me Light. It helped me a lot at night when I was all by myself, and sometimes it was the only thing that kept me from being scared. I wonder if the Guardians hadn’t gotten me when they did…would I have ended up like Suho?”

It was the most Kai had ever heard Baekhyun speak at once, and he was at a loss for what to say, so he just hugged Baekhyun and reminded him that he wouldn’t have to be alone anymore. By the time the two of them got back with the food, Baekhyun’s face was perfectly blank once more and there was no sign of the uncertainty he’d just had. Kai realized then that Baekhyun was putting on an act every single day, so nobody would see his weaknesses. He’d been with them for months, but he still didn’t trust them, and after hearing what he’d just said…Kai didn’t blame him. He knew that what Baekhyun had been through was bad, but it was like he was just realizing exactly how bad it was. He had been alone for a long time, and used as a bargaining chip besides, and he didn’t show it but how could he _not_ have been affected by that? It made Kai realize just how broken they all were. They had nobody but each other to lean on, and they didn’t understand each other at all.

* * *

If Kai had to watch Suho cry one more time, he was going to lose his mind.

Suho clung to Kris’ waist, sobbing into his shirt. Kris looked close to tears himself, struggling to keep his voice even as he attempted to calm Suho down. The Guardian who had come to meet them—another Kai, who told them to call her Seven—stood by the entrance to the train, patiently waiting. Kai wanted to yell at her and tell her to go away, but something about her made him stop. She wasn’t like the Matrons—she looked young, maybe fourteen, and she had a very understanding look on her face.

“Seven won’t hurt you,” Kris murmured, petting Suho’s hair gently. Usually it calmed him down, but it wasn’t working this time.

Suho burrowed further into Kris’ side, whimpering quietly.

Kris finally lost it and started to cry. “I don’t know what to do,” he whispered, sinking to his knees and gathering Suho into his arms. “I’m sorry Suho, I’m so sorry…I don’t want to make you leave…”

Minseok had already lost control of himself, he had been weeping silently for almost twenty minutes. Suho was so terrified to leave the train, to go anywhere by himself, and Kai couldn’t blame him.

“Can we go with him?” Kris asked Seven.

She shook her head, looking regretful. “I’m sorry, but really…I can’t keep an eye on him and all of you by myself.” She inched into the train and sat on the floor cross-legged, ignoring the fact that her white dress was getting all dusty. “If he ran off, I would be at a loss of what to do.”

“We can take care of ourselves,” Minseok insisted, his voice hoarse with tears.

“I have no doubt that you could,” Seven said gently, “But unfortunately, it’s not my decision to make. Those are the rules.”

“Well, they’re stupid,” Kai cried. “Suho is scared! He needs us!”

Seven shook her head. “You can only help so much. Suho needs to see the Tree, and the Tree needs to see him alone. It won’t be easy to help him.”

She eyed Suho, and after a moment called out to him. “Suho-yah, when you’re ready, can you please look at me?”

Suho flinched, and Kris gently wiped tears from his face. “It’s okay,” he crooned, “I’ll protect you, I promise. Seven is like us, she can help you.”

Suho sniffled for a few minutes, but finally he shifted so that he could peek at Seven with one eye.

Seven grinned at him. “Aren’t you just the sweetest baby, you poor thing, you’ve been horribly treated. I don’t blame you for being terrified of me, of anyone. You didn’t deserve what happened to you. None of us did…” she trailed off sadly, pausing for a few seconds. “I am so sorry that this happened to you, sweet child. If I could, I would give you some time, but time is the one thing we don’t have.” She turned suddenly to Sehun. “Would you like a sweet?”

Sehun jumped in surprise, but when Seven reached into the bag she wore at her waist and pulled out a candy, Sehun went to her immediately. While Sehun sucked on the candy, Seven pulled him down into her lap and hugged him, playing with his hair.

“You are so cute,” she said while Sehun giggled. “I can already tell that you’ll be so handsome when you get older…” She went on, praising Sehun when he showed her his air trick, and when Kai saw how attentively Suho watched the two of them, he realized what Seven was doing.

Eventually Seven let Sehun up and then held her arms out to Suho. “Would you—”

Suho turned back into Kris’ chest, and right away Seven turned to Chen. “What about you, darling? Would you like something sweet?”

She did the same thing with Chen, cuddling him for a few moments, and then turning to Tao, and Kai, and Kyungsoo before Suho finally let go of Kris and inched over to her.

“That’s better,” Seven said as she handed Suho a candy. “You know I won’t hurt you, right Suho?”

By the time Suho finished the candy he was sitting in Seven’s lap. She wiped the tears from his face and tilted his head up so he was looking at her.

“Can you take a walk with me, Suho? We won’t go far, I promise, I want you to meet somebody.”

Suho looked over at Kris and Minseok, and the both gestured for him to go. Suho wrapped his arms around Seven’s neck, and she made Suho tuck his head against her shoulder. Seven stood up, and then the two of them disappeared in a silent puff of black smoke.

* * *

He was too scared to lift his head, because he knew that he wasn’t with his new pack anymore. He had no idea where he was, just that the adult who gave him candy was still holding him and it felt kind of weird, different from when Kris wrapped him up in those wings—he wasn’t sure how a human could have wings, but he thought it was for the same reason that he could move water. The adult rubbed his back and he winced a little, not entirely sure he liked being held by her.

“Suho, we’re here. You can look now.”

He peeked out and gasped, lifting his head up and looking around in wonder. He had never been anywhere so _green_ before! He hadn’t seen green in a while, but he remembered it from his childhood. And there are plants, more than he’d ever seen at once. He squirmed in the adult’s arms, and she put him down. He ran to a bright orange flower, touching it gently before he smelled it curiously. It smelled really good, but when he inhaled deeper it made him sneeze.

“Suho, come look at this,” the adult called, and he followed her over to a tree. It wasn’t particularly big, but the adult was smiling at it like it was special.

“This is my favorite tree,” she said, patting the trunk. “Will you sit under it with me?”

He hesitated, but she hadn’t hurt him yet, and his pack must trust her if they left him alone with her (something that hurt a little), so he decided to sit with her.

The adult pulled him close, tucking him under her arm. “Let’s relax, okay?”

He was not sure what she meant, but she didn’t say anything else. After a while he started to get tired, and he realized that the adult was humming. He listened to her, and it was nice, and he closed his eyes for just a minute…

* * *

He’s surrounded by a pink haze. He tries to touch it, but nothing is there. He looks around, but he can’t see the adult. He can’t feel his legs or arms, and he wonders if he’s died again.

‘ _You’re not dead._ ’

He screams, whirling around to look for the voice.

‘ _Don’t be afraid, my darling._ ’

“Don’t hurt me, don’t hurt me…”

‘ _I won’t hurt you._ ’

“You can hear me? You can understand?”

‘ _Yes, I can._ ’

He feels something warm wrap around him, and he leans into it until it starts to creep towards his head, and then he backs away, whimpering.

‘ _I’m sorry, dear, I didn’t mean to scare you. I’m trying to take a peek into your memories, to see how I can help you._ ’

“Who are you?”

‘ _I’m the Tree of Life._ ’

“What’s that?”

‘ _I’m a powerful being, I gave you your life. I’m the reason you can move water._ ’

“How did you do that?”

‘ _I learned to manipulate the energy of this world. I learned to create people. I decided to make certain people special. But I don’t choose them, only those who are worthy of and powerful enough can be gifted with this ability. And you are one of them._ ’

“I don’t understand…”

‘ _I know, but I’m here to help you. And I can start by looking at your perspective, how you see things, and helping you understand. Will you let me?_ ’

“I…will it hurt?”

‘ _No, my dear child. You have been hurt far too much already, and I will not hurt you._ ’

He feels like crying, but he tells himself not to.

‘ _It’s alright my love. My poor, sweet, innocent little Guardian. My special little boy. I understand that you are confused, and you are allowed to cry if you want to. Never feel like you are not allowed to cry._ ’

He sniffles, but finds that he feels better. “You can look.”

He loses control of his thoughts. Memories play before his very eyes, of his mother playing with him and feeding him, but something was wrong.

‘ _She was sick. It wasn’t your fault, she had been sick before you were born. She did love you, and she loved you because she knew she wouldn’t have a very long life._ ’

“She wouldn’t wake up…”

‘ _She died._ ’

“They threw me away…”

‘ _They thought you killed her._ ’

“But I didn’t!!”

‘ _I know that, and you know that, and your new friends know that._ ’

“I was so scared, and cold…I died too.”

‘ _Shh, you’re safe now. And you didn’t die, you became comatose._ ’

“What’s that?”

‘ _Your body shut down to prevent you from dying. Part of it was because of that energy I told you about earlier._ ’

Another memory, being dragged away in a net while he screamed.

‘ _That’s horrible! Oh my dear…_ ’

More memories, of being held too tightly, forced down, jabbed with sharp things, stripped naked, prodded and poked and…

‘ _Violated._ ’

“What’s that mean?”

‘ _That’s how you felt. And you were. My poor darling…_ ’

A different memory, the night that Kai and Minseok came to see him.

‘ _You loved them even then, didn’t you?_ ’

“Love? I guess I did…I love them all.”

He sees them freeing him from that awful jacket, coming into his room, playing with him the way the wolf pups would, teaching him new things. He lingers on the memory of Kris’ wings, how soft they were and how safe he felt in them.

‘ _Kris is a sweet boy. He’ll be good to you._ ’

“What’s that mean?”

‘ _He’ll be your leader, and you’ll be his best friend._ ’

“And that’s good?”

‘ _That’s very good._ ’

“They…they call me something weird.”

‘ _Suho._ ’

“Yes.”

‘ _It’s your name._ ’

“No! My name is Joonmyun! Kim Joonmyun! I know it is!”

‘ _But they didn’t, and they gave you a new name. they couldn’t have known your real name._ ’

“I want to tell them. Can you help me tell them?”

‘ _Yes, and so much more._ ’

“What do you mean by that?”

‘ _You’ll see._ ’

* * *

Suho didn’t open his eyes right away, even though he knew he could. His mind was buzzing with words he’d never known before.

Overwhelmed.

Hungry.

Tired.

Scared.

Excited.

He felt all of it, and he didn’t know how it was possible, just that it was happening to him.

“Suho?”

That’s his name. He’d come to accept it, he knew it was a good name. Besides, he’s not really Joonmyun anymore. He was not sure how that was possible either, but it had to do with how he died. But he didn’t die…he’s alive.

“Suho, are you awake?”

He opened his eyes. The adult—Seven—was hovering over him. She smiled gently when he opened his eyes.

“Good morning,” she said.

He opened his mouth. “Good morning.”

His own voice surprised him, coming out in something that wasn’t a scream or a plea. He’d forgotten what it sounded like.

Seven grinned at him. “Your brothers are waiting for you. Shall I take you to them?”

Suho sat up. “I have to leave?” He asked timidly.

“Yes, you have to go home.”

“But I don’t want to!” Suho cried, feeling tears come. “I don’t want to go back, I want to stay! They were mean to me, they hurt me, I want to stay here! I want everyone to just stay here!” And he broke off sobbing.

Seven cupped his face in her hands, wiping his tears away. “There, there, darling. I know it’s scary, but those people won’t hurt you anymore. They have been removed, and replaced with people who know better, and will treat you better. Your brothers can’t stay here, they want to go home, and they want you to go with them.”

Suho stopped crying, sniffling a little. “I get to stay with them?”

“Of course! You can stay with them forever and ever!”

Forever. That was a word he didn’t know, he heard a lot of words he didn’t know, and it was painful.

“My head hurts,” he whimpered. “I don’t feel well…”

Seven stroked his hair. “You need to have a good meal and a nap, but mostly you just need to go see Kris, Minseok, Kai, and everyone else. You want to see them, right?”

Suho nodded.

Seven scooped him up, and Suho’s stomach swooped at the feeling. He yelped and squirmed.

“Too high! It’s scary!!”

Seven put him back down and Suho started to cry again, hiding his face in her skirt. “I don’t like this, I want to stay, I don’t want to get hurt…”

Seven hugged him until he stopped crying, and by then his head really hurt and he felt sick. “It’ll help if I take you to your friends,” Seven told him. “I just need to carry you to the door, and then we can be back with them, I promise. Can you trust me?”

 _‘No,’_ Suho thought. He couldn’t trust anyone, but he couldn’t say that. So he nodded, and closed his eyes when Seven picked him up once more.

Suho thought he must have fallen asleep, because the next thing he knew there was a small hand on his shoulder and a familiar voice whispering in his ear.

“Suho, we’re here now. Are you awake?”

“Kai…”

A gasp. “You remember me?”

Suho opened his eyes. Kai’s face was right in front of him, his eyes were wide and hopeful. Suho grinned. “I remember you. You’re my friend.”

Kai looked like he wanted to cry.

“Why are you crying?” Suho mumbled. Seven was still holding him, his cheek was pressed into her shoulder and it muffled his words.

“I’m crying because I’m happy,” Kai told him. “We were worried about you. Are you okay?”

Suho couldn’t answer that, he was too tired. He closed his eyes again, and Seven answered for him.

“He’s tired,” she said gently, “And probably hungry.”

“We’ll take care of him,” Minseok said. “He’s our brother.”

“Can you carry him to the car for us?” Kris asked.

“Of course.”

Suho opened his eyes when he felt Seven start to walk. The height wasn’t too scary anymore, and he watched the eleven boys trailing behind Seven. Kris and Minseok lead them, and when they caught Suho’s eyes they smiled at him. Weakly, Suho held out his hand, and they both reached for it together, managing to hold it at the same time.

It took some time for Seven to get Suho arranged on his bed—the car was littered with mattresses that the other boys had dragged in, and she had to walk around them carefully. Once Suho was settled, she took his hand and Suho just knew what she was about to say.

“Are you leaving?” He asked.

Seven nodded. “I don’t want to, but I have to. But you’ll be okay, your brothers are here to take care of you.”

Suho grinned and nodded. Kris climbed up on the bed next to him, and Suho moved so that he could lean against Kris’ chest and pull his wings around himself.

Seven smiled at them. “You’ll be just fine, Suho. You all will.” And then she kissed Suho’s forehead and disappeared in a puff of black smoke.

Minseok quickly took her place, holding a bowl of soup. “Do you want to try to eat?”

Suho nodded, and even though he could probably feed himself, Minseok feed him anyway. He finished the whole bowl, and when was done he was totally exhausted.

“Can I sleep now?” Suho asked.

“Of course,” Kris told him, and he wrapped his wings together around him. “You don’t have to ask.”

“But I wanted to…to…”

“What did you want to do?” Kris prodded.

“Talk,” Suho mumbled sleepily. “I wanted to talk to my…my friends…”

Kris hummed. “But you can do that when you wake up. We’ll still be here.”

Suho could feel himself falling asleep, his eyes falling shut against his will, but he still fought it. “Will you still be here? All of you?”

“Of course,” he heard Kai say. “We’re not going away, we never will. We’ll always be with you, Suho.”

Suho relaxed, and he felt Kris take his hand. “We’ll keep you safe while you sleep, Suho, we promise.”

It was a promise that they never broke.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1—Joonmyun/Suho isn’t dead, it’s more like he’s comatose. He may be a Guardian but even he isn’t totally safe from the effects of hypothermia. And when he dies for the second time, it’s more spiritually. He sort of gives up on his humanity for a little while and shuts down to everything but the need to survive.
> 
> 2—Minseok talking about positive energy—I didn’t go into it that much in the actual story but Guardians (being so interconnected) are able to share their positive energy and help each other heal from certain things. Like how when they were on earth, Lu Han started to get better as the Guardians came back together.
> 
> Also Minseok is the leader of the North here because Suho (obviously) wasn’t around when they needed a leader and Minseok was the oldest. So he’s not Xiumin in this AU, but Jongdae is still Chen because he still gets transferred to the Southern Group. 
> 
> Alright, now in the next drabble we will be BACK TO THE REGULAR STORY. Got it? This NEVER HAPPENED!!!


	52. Kitten Cuddles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kris-centric  
> Pairing:OT3  
> Continuity: Sometime after chapter 50

Kris was stressed—he was always stressed, it went without saying that even when nothing was wrong, he’d find something to make himself worry about. At the moment, it was books. This planet was full of books, and they were slowly rotting away, along with the precious knowledge inside of them. most books had been stored digitally, but they couldn’t quite access those books just yet, so they were trying to copy as many as possible. It was tough, because they were doing it by hand, and it took a very long time. And then they had to keep careful track of which ones they had already done.

Kris was going over a list of books they’d copied and books they hadn’t, trying to pick one to copy next, when Tao came into the library screaming his name and barreled into him.

“Oof,” Kris grunted as the air was knocked from his lungs. “Tao…god, get off me…”

“KITTENS! There’s a litter of kittens in the barn!! You have to come see them!”

Kris struggled in Tao’s hold, glaring at him. “The last time you said that, you ended up bringing me to see Chen sleeping on the docks.”

Tao pouted. “Well you even admitted that he looked like a cat…but this is different!! These are real kittens, and they’re really cute and you have to come see them!!”

Kris feebly tried to shake Tao off. “I can’t, I’m busy, I have important work to do, and I’m a dog person.”

“You don’t have to be a cat person to love kittens, and your work will still be here tomorrow.”

“It might not,” Kris countered. “These books are crumbling before our eyes, Tao!”

Tao sighed and grabbed Kris’ chin, turning his head and planting a gentle kiss on his lips. When Tao finally pulled away, Kris frowned at him in disapproval.

“You don’t play fair,” he accused.

Tao grinned smugly. “I never claimed to.” He carded his fingers through Kris’ feathers, raising an eyebrow when several came loose. “Look at this, you’re so stressed out that you’re molting.”

Kris bristled—literally, the feathers on his wings standing on end. “I’m not molting, it’s normal for a few to fall out.”

Tao sighed, moving to poke at Kris’ eyes. “You have dark circles that could rival mine. Only intensity though, never in sexiness…” 

“I would never attempt to rival your sexy panda eyes,” Kris teased, poking Tao right back. “And for your information, I don’t have dark circles.”

Tao draped his arms over Kris’ shoulders, pouting at him. “You didn’t come to bed last night.”

“I did,” Kris said. “It was after you were asleep. Suho saw me.”

“You weren’t there when I woke up.”

“I was there,” Kris insisted, “And I have the bruises to prove it. You elbowed me in the ribs again.”

Tao’s pout intensified. “Suho and I were making out, and you weren’t there. You missed out. And then you didn’t kiss me goodnight—”

“I did!”

“I wasn’t awake for it, it doesn’t count! You’re spending too much time working, it’s taking you away from me and Suho!”

Kris sighed and put down his lists. He wasn’t going to get any work done today, and besides, Tao was right. “So what do you want from me?”

“I want you to come see these kittens,” Tao said, dragging Kris out of the library before he could change his mind, “And then I want you to come spend some time with Suho and I.”

Kris allowed Tao to pull him along, somewhat amused about Tao’s priorities. Were these kittens really that cute?

Yes, they were.

They were in the last stall in the barn, which was currently unoccupied. There were five kittens, about three weeks old, and the mother was a black and white cat that they all agreed looked a bit like a cow. There were two pure orange kittens, one black and white, one all black, and one calico.

Tao scooped up the black one (hiding by mommy) and scratched it behind the ears. “This one’s my favorite,” he crooned, smiling down at the little fluffball. He looked at the two orange ones and scowled. “They’re little devils, don’t trust them.”

“Orange cats are by nature mischief makers,” Kris reminded him, but he was distracted by the little calico. It had bounded up to him and was trying to climb over his leg and into his lap. It was a fluffy little thing, totally fearless in the way it charged at him. Kris stroked it’s head with one finger, as it was too small for much more than that, and tickled it behind its ear. The kitten mewled at him, pawing at his hand with such ferocity that it fell over backwards.

“Aren’t they sweet?” Tao asked, pressing the little black one to his cheek.

“That one looks like you, if you were a cat,” Kris teased.

“Eh?”

“You’d be a black cat,” Kris went on while the calico bit at his thumb, “And you’d be fluffy, and skinny as hell, and you’d probably be really shy too.”

“Oye!” Tao cried, startling the kitten into scratching his check.

“Oh, it jumps like you too,” Kris laughed, remembering all the times Tao accidentally injured him when he jumped in fright.

Tao glared at Kris and hugged his kitten to his chest. “Maybe I’ll leave you to cuddle by yourself.”

“You won’t,” Kris said, finally shaking the calico off of his hand. It leapt back for another attack, but he quickly stood up. “Come on, let’s go before we spend all day here.”

Tao pouted but gave his kitten a kiss on its fluffy little head and then stood up as well, and they walked back to the main house hand-in-hand. The two of them found Suho, and then they holed themselves up in their shared room.

They didn’t actually have a bed, just two mattresses pushed together on the floor. And they didn’t really make the bed either, usually they just formed a nest of blankets and curled up around each other. Their physical relationship was largely based on cuddling. Today Suho and Tao sandwiched Kris between them, Tao with his head on Kris’ chest and Kris’ head resting against Suho’s shoulder. It was kind of backwards as far as height went, Tao’s feet hang off the bed and Suho having to inch almost to the top of the bed to make himself that slight bit taller than Kris, but nobody was complaining.

Tao was practically asleep already—Kris was playing with his hair, and it seemed to be a reflex left over from childhood but it always made Tao sleepy. Kris grinned down at his youngest boyfriend, gently brushing his bangs to the side only to have them flop back over his eyes. Tao’s eyelids fluttered, but he didn’t open them.

“Babe,” Kris whispered, nudging Suho, “Doesn’t Tao remind you of a kitten?”

Suho propped himself up on an elbow, leaning over to peer at Tao. Snuggled into Kris’ side, having his hair petted, the slight tilt of his lips…

“He does, doesn’t he?” Suho agreed.

Tao stirred and opened one eye. “I don’t…” he mumbled, turning his face into Kris’s chest and snuggling closer.

Suho let out a strangled squeak. “By the Tree I never noticed before—he really is like a kitten!”

Tao pulled back and glared.

Kris smirked and kissed Tao’s forehead. “A fluffy, black kitten, wouldn’t you agree?”

“Absolutely!”

“You’re both crazy!” Tao cried, blushing slightly.

Suho ‘Aww’ed and leaned over to kiss Tao lightly. “Oh baby, we don’t mean anything bad by it. You’re just cute and playful, that’s all.”

“But I can kick both your butts.”

“True,” Kris agreed, “But that doesn’t mean you’re not cute.”

“Yeah well…then you’re both cute too!” Tao said.

“Of course,” Suho scoffed. “Don’t forget,” he raked his fingers through Kris’ feathers and Kris yelped, feeling heat flood his cheeks.

“God, you can’t just do that out of nowhere,” he stammered, folding his wings close to his back.

“Kris is adorable,” Suho said smugly, planting a kiss on Kris’ cheek.

“Yeah, and you have an adorable smile,” Tao told Suho.

Suho grinned widely, his eyes lighting up. “Do I?”

“Don’t front,” Kris laughed, “You know we love your smile, Junmen.”

Suho’s cheeks turned slightly pink and he coughed. “So we all agree, we’re all cute, it’s not just Tao.”

“And I’m sexy too!” Tao cried, sitting up. “I’m not just cute, I’m sexy!”

Kris grabbed Tao by the back of the neck and pulled him back down, resuming his toying with Tao’s hair. “You’re _sooo_ sexy, baby,” he whispered into Tao’s neck, and he didn’t have to look that Tao’s face looked like a sunset.

* * *

Not three days later Kris could already feel the stress creeping back. He really did know that he was being ridiculous, the knowledge of this whole world doesn’t have to rest on his shoulders, but he feels responsible. He was always had a brain hardwired for memorization, it’s what made him so good at learning languages. He could, in theory, read a book and still remember it well enough to write it down months later, but he didn’t want to do that, he wanted to get it all done now.

He was working on Pride and Prejudice at the moment. It was a great novel, really, but it was just…not his cup of tea. It was better than War and Peace, though.

When his eyes started to close against his will and blinking becomes dangerously close to napping, Kris decided to go for a walk. He wasn't even sure where to go, he just knew that he needed to get out of the library. He let his feet decide where to take him, and eventually he realized that his feet were taking him to the barn again. He figured it wouldn’t hurt to go see how the kittens are doing, they did a great job of de-stressing him last time.

To prove that he was not solely going to see the kittens, Kris decided to take some time and visit the horses. There were five in total in the barn, all mares. There was a big grey one that Kris was very fond of, and he spent a few minutes with her before the mewling from the last stall really started distracting him and he finally went over. The calico bounded right up to him and tried to climb up his leg.

“Ouch, stop,” Kris demanded, swatting at it. It fell back down with a startled meow and glared at him.

“I’m coming, calm yourself,” he sat and right away the kitten clambered into his lap and set about playing with the buttons on his shirt.

Kris spied the little black kitten and tried to pick it up, only for it to stumble away, back arched, tail upright, and hissing frantically. It was absolutely adorable.

“Aww, you look just Tao when he tries to be threatening,” Kris laughed, batting at the kitten. It scurried away and hid behind it’s mother, glaring at the world. Kris laughed at it again and turns his attention back to the kitten in his lap, which he realized is wrestling with the buttons on his shirt.

“Knock it off, you,” he ordered, flicking the kitten onto it’s back with one finger. The kitten leapt back up and launched itself at Kris’ hand, chewing on his index finger.

“Little monster,” he wrestled the kitten to the floor and held it there with his thumb. It squirmed, clawing and biting, until finally it let out a pitiful mewl and Kris let it up.

“Did you learn your lesson?” Kris asked. “Are you going to behave now?”

The kitten shook itself off and crawled up on Kris’ knee, sniffing his pants. Kris pet it gently, and the kitten arched up into it, purring.

“You’re a cute little squirt, I’ll give you that.” It was hard to remember that he was a dog person when he had a little kitten rubbing up against his hand and purring happily. And it was so tiny, it looked like it could fit in the palm of his hand! In fact…

Kris scooped the kitten up in his hand, holding it out so it couldn’t go anywhere. It’s four little paws fit perfectly inside his palm, and the kitten stared around in confusion for a bit before attacking Kris’ thumb once again.

“Oye!” Kris yelled, pinning the kitten again. “Are we going to start this again?”

Kris only let the kitten up once it seemed to have calmed down, and at that point it decided to curl up in his palm and close its eyes.

“Aww, you are so freaking cute.” He gently pet its head, and even while asleep the kitten purred.

After a while Kris realized what just happened and he froze.

“Oh, crap,” he whispered, staring at the kitten in horror. “You’re really asleep aren’t you?!”

The kitten, of course, didn't answer, and Kris was left with the knowledge that if he woke up this kitten, he’d never forgive himself, but his wrist was starting to hurt and he was hungry and who knew how long the kitten was going to sleep for?!

Kris glanced at mommy kitty, currently curled around her other four babies, and she gave him a look that threatened death if he harmed her fifth.

“Okay, I got it,” Kris mumbled, looking away from her. “I won’t wake this one up. I just…I’ll be back.”

And gripping the wrist holding up the kitten with his free hand (to keep it steady), Kris slowly got to his feet.

“I’ll be back,” he told mama cat, and then he slowly walked away, careful not to jostle the sleeping kitten. It took him twenty minutes to get to the kitchen, a walk that would normally only take ten.

Baekhyun and Chanyeol were in the kitchen, and they both gave Kris weird looks when they saw him.

“What have you got there?” Baekhyun asked.

“A sleeping kitten,” Kris sais darkly.

Chanyeol leapt up for a better view. “Aww! So cute!”

“Why are you carrying it like that?” Baekhyun laughed.

“Because it’s asleep, duh,” Kris said, rolling his eyes.

“So wake it up.”

Kris narrowed his eyes and shoved his hand in their faces. “Would YOU wake up this adorable creature?”

Baekhyun cleared his throat. “No, I guess not,” he admitted, “But I thought you weren’t a cat person.”

“You don’t have to be a cat person to love kittens,” Kris said, parroting Tao’s words to him. “Now can one of you cut me some bread or something? I‘m starving and I only have one hand to work with.”

It took the kitten about an hour to wake up, and by the time that happened Kris had managed to eat and carry the kitten back to the barn. As soon as it woke up, Kris dumped it right out of his hand and right onto the little black one, who leapt up in shock and hissed, tackling the sleepy kitten to the ground and biting it’s neck.

“Get it, little Tao,” Kris cheered, “Get it for me!”

Later on, Tao found Kris and gave him a smug smile.

“I hear you carry sleepy kittens around in your hands now?”

Kris elbowed him in the ribs. “That black kitten looks like you when it gets mad too. I think I’m going to call you ‘kitten’ from now on.”

Rather than get angry, Tao blushed furiously and hid his face in his sleeves. Kris gasped.

“Oh my gosh, would you like that? I was kidding, but if you would like it then…”

“Not constantly, but…maybe on special occasions. Like my birthday or something.”

“Or when you’re really, really, really, so unbearable cute that I just can’t take it?” Kris asked, wrapping his arms around Tao’s shoulder and tugging him close for a hug.

“Okay,” Tao agreed, giving Kris a quick kiss on the cheek. “That works.”

Kris hummed in approval, hugging Tao tighter. “Oh, and Tao?”

“Yes?”

“I’ve been thinking…it’s not safe to have those kittens in the barn. As they get older, they’ll want to wander, and with the horses right there…”

“Oh, yeah…what should we do?”

Kris cleared his throat. “I was thinking…maybe…we should move them to the library. You know, it’s the best place. They’re not underfoot in our rooms, and they can catch all the mice that are eating away at my books.”

Tao blinked, and then he laughed. “You can’t fool me!” He crowed, “You are a cat person! You want them there so they can keep you company!”

“I have no idea what you are talking about,” Kris sniffed.

Tao nudged his shoulder. “Calico cats are usually female, have you thought of a name for your favorite kitten yet?”

“Squirt,” Kris told him, “Because she’s tiny.”

Tao frowned. “That’s mean.”

“It’s cute! What’s your kittens name then?”

“I was thinking Star,” Tao said, “I don’t know, it just fits—and yes, I know it’s a girl.”

“So we have Star and Squirt, sounds like the perfect combination to me,” Kris said.

“Your naming skills suck,” Tao informed him.

The argument continued, but in the end the little calico kitten would be forever known as Squirt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original notes:  
> Yet another drabble that was suggested by rainiedayze146
> 
> “Giant duizhang playing with small cute animals, have you seen how big his hands are compared to everyone else's!!?? He could probably plant crops on his palms!! Ugh please write a sleeping kitten on Kris' hand; he'll try really hard not to move at all so he won't disturb it sleeping even though his arm gets tired from holding it up and it will be the most adorable thing in existence :D”
> 
> I swear, the two of us have far too much fun in the comments section. That image was just too cute to pass up!!


	53. Someone Holds Me Safe and Warm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Continuity: throughout the story

Sehun wasn’t sure what it was that drew him to Lu Han—he wouldn’t call it love at first sight, because he was practically a baby when they met. But there was something that at the time, Sehun hadn’t been able to put words to. He just knew that Lu Han, while he was older, was different from Suho, and while he was playful, was not the same playmate that Kai was.

Sehun’s speech problem made it hard for him to express himself, but few people really had a problem knowing what he wanted. It was only after Sehun met Lu Han that realized—he didn’t just want people to know what he meant, he wanted to be understood, in a way that went deeper than his words. And Lu Han…just seemed to know.

Once when the two of them were sitting together, Lu Han reached over and wrapped an arm around Sehun’s shoulders, pulling him in for a cuddle.

“What’s up, Sehunnie?” He’d asked, bopping Sehun’s nose lightly. Sehun smiled and looked up at Lu Han, thinking to himself that he wanted to be like Lu Han when he grew up—he wanted people to love him instantly, he wanted to have all the right words, he wanted to be playful and mature at the same time, he wanted to be on Lu Han’s level.

And Lu Han grinned, ruffling Sehun’s hair. “You’re perfect just the way you are, do you know that? I wouldn’t change a thing about you, Sehun-ah.”

Sehun froze, staring at Lu Han in astonishment. He was only six years old, and he’d never been more shocked in his life. He hadn’t spoken, how had Lu Han known what he was thinking?!

Lu Han chuckled and kissed Sehun’s cheek. “You have very expressive eyes, Sehun,” he said, “I can see everything you think about through them.”

As they grew up, Sehun doubted that Lu Han even remembered that moment—it was such a small amount of time in the grand scheme of things. But what happened that day stuck with Sehun for the rest of his life. Lu Han had understood him, but Sehun hadn’t even spoken. Nobody had done that before, not even Suho. Lu Han…just understood.

When they first met, Sehun had wanted to talk for the first time in his life. He didn’t just want to get the words right anymore, he wanted to be able to converse with people—with Lu Han specifically. He wanted to be able to talk like grownups, like Lu Han was (because to a five year old, nine was about as grown up as could be). Sehun had never wanted to talk before, not unless he absolutely needed to. He wasn’t shy, and he wasn’t stupid—it wasn’t that he didn’t have anything to say, he just didn’t know who would want to listen to him. Well, he finally had an answer—Lu Han would.

* * *

Sehun was actually glad for the distraction that Mama provided—he and Lu Han had just confessed their feelings for each other, and both of them knew full well that it wouldn’t go anywhere for a long time. Or what felt like a long time, anyway. In the future Sehun would look back on those years and realize that he was a little dramatic, but to a thirteen year old, seventeen was about as grown up as thirty. Sehun couldn’t wait to be old enough to know what it felt like to be in love—truly in love. It wasn’t the gentle kisses that Lu Han shared with him just before bed. That felt like a consolation, a pitiful second place compared to what Sehun knew he and Lu Han could offer each other. It was almost embarrassing, the way he looked forward to Lu Han’s chaste, brief kiss goodnight. But with the threat of darkness hanging over their heads (or rather, under their feet), Sehun didn’t have as much time to dwell on the age gap between him and his beloved.

That’s not to say he didn’t find time every now and then.

“Are you bored?” Sehun asked Lu Han one night while the cuddled. It had been a long day of studying, working with their gifts until Sehun had sea legs from all the wind, and Lu Han had a splitting headache. As they were lying in bed, Lu Han had his head buried in Sehun’s chest, and Sehun was massaging the back of his neck.

“Hmm?” Lu Han hummed groggily. “Bored how?”

Sehun thought about laughing it off, but he was a terrible liar. “Bored of me.”

“Oh, please, Sehun…”

“I haven’t said anything!” Sehun protested, trying to ignore the fact that he was blushing. They were so good at reading each other now.

Lu Han pushed himself up on his elbows, hovering over Sehun, and Sehun tried to ignore the way it made his stomach flutter.

“I am not bored,” Lu Han stressed, tracing his fingertips over Sehun’s cheek. “I am perfectly content with the way things are.”

Sehun pouted. “Don’t you want more?” Of course what he meant was ‘Don’t you want to have sex with me?’

Lu Han hesitated, knowing that Sehun would twist his words no matter what he answered. “When you’re older,” he finally said.

“I’m fourteen, that’s older.”

“Not old enough.”

“Why not? Would it be different if we were the same age? If you were also fourteen?”

“I don’t know,” Lu Han sighed, flopping back down on the bed. “We’re not the same age, but I remember what fourteen was like and it’s not old enough—”

“Not for you, maybe!” Sehun cried, sitting up. “But I’m not you, you don’t know what it’s like for me!” He wouldn’t cry, he wouldn’t _fucking_ cry, he was trying to prove that he was old enough, he would not pitch a fit. “I’m a Guardian,” Sehun said fiercely, ignoring the sting of tears in his eyes, “I have duties, responsibilities,” He lowered his voice, “I am aware of a growing darkness that’s slowly taking over the minds of the people around us and I know that we need to eventually abandon our home because it’s the only way we’ll be able to save it. I was abandoned by my family when I was four years old and taken to a strange place, I know things that other boys my age wouldn’t dream of learning—and you think I’m not ready to love you? You think I’m not ready for…for sex?”

No matter how hard he tried, Sehun couldn’t stop the tears. Their relationship was going to be one uphill battle after another, he could already tell. First Sehun tried to hide how he felt because he was afraid they wouldn’t be accepted by their brothers, now they had to deal with an age gap that seemed as wide as the space between the earth and the sky. He hid his face in his hands under the pretense of anger, when really he was trying to hide his tears. The unfairness of this situation stung more than the rejection.

Sehun felt a hand on his shoulder. “I know you love me,” Lu Han said gently. “And I know…that this is unfair, and it seems like forever—”

“You haven’t even told me how _long_ ,” Sehun sobbed, giving up on hiding his tears. Even if it made him look like a child, Lu Han already knew so why bother? “How long do you want to wait? You will always be four and a half years older than me, do you want to wait until I’m twenty? Eighteen? I love you _now_ , Lu Han!”

“And I know that, Sehun, you don’t have to prove anything to me.”

“Then why are you pushing me away?”

Lu Han looked hurt. “Is that what you think? That I’m _rejecting_ you?” He knew what word Sehun had wanted to use.

“Hard not to think so!” Sehun retorted, feeling a few more tears escape. “What do you want from me, Lu Han? What do I have to do to be old enough for you?”

Lu Han laughed and before Sehun could be furious about it, Lu Han leaned forward and pressed his lips to Sehun’s. It was a long moment before they parted, and it took Sehun by surprise—their kisses never lasted this long, never.

When Lu Han broke the kiss, he smiled in a way that made Sehun blush. Lu Han stroked his thumb over Sehun’s flushed cheek.

“Your body has to catch up to your mind,” Lu Han said, in answer to Sehun’s earlier question. “I know you’re mature, but it’s only in your head. The rest of you has to catch up.”

Sehun was confused. “You said I was really handsome…” he whined, not intending to sound so petulant but really, what was he supposed to do with that information?!

Lu Han laughed again. “You are, my love,” he said, “But for heaven’s sake, you’ve barely started puberty! Your body is just not ready for what it is you’re looking for.”

Sehun deflated. “I could be…” he mumbled, feeling his face heat up even more. “You never know. I could surprise you.” He wanted to cry all over again.

Lu Han hugged Sehun then, holding him close and rocking him gently. “Maybe you could,” he admitted, “But I don’t want to take that chance and possibly ruin things for you.”

“For me?” Sehun parroted.

“Yes, for you. By the Tree Sehun, do you even know what you want? I could name a thousand things I want to do with you, Sehun.” Lu Han pulled back, staring intently into Sehun’s eyes. “I want you, I really do. But I want to take my time with you, and draw out every moment we have together and make them last.”

Sehun was breathless and his face felt too hot. “I’m ready,” he said, and it came out like a whimper.

Lu Han shook his head. “Not for what I have planned, my love. And not for what you want. But none of that is your fault,” he assured, cupping Sehun’s cheeks and planting a gentle kiss on his lips. “Really, it’s just simple biology. You don’t have that control yet, and I’m afraid that I’d hurt you.”

“Only if you topped,” Sehun mumbled, but he knew when he had lost.

“What was I just saying about control?” Lu Han asked, tapping Sehun’s nose. “Can you please trust me on this? You don’t want our first time to be over in ten minutes, do you?”

“You underestimate me!”

“Fine, eleven minutes,” Lu Han laughed. “Come on, be honest with me. You have nothing to be ashamed of, I was there too.”

Sehun’s shoulders slumped. “But you’re not anymore, which brings me back to my original question—are you bored?”

Lu Han shook his head, running his fingers through Sehun’s hair. “I can wait,” he promised, and his gaze turned heated, “Because I know that the result will be worth every minute of the wait.”

It didn’t do much good at the time, but in the years to come Sehun would replay the conversation and be comforted in the knowledge that Lu Han had promised to wait for him. And in the end he was right—it was worth the wait.

* * *

When Sehun got older, he was quick to realize that Lu Han had always taken care of him, even when Sehun didn’t appreciated it—like when he stopped Sehun from losing his virginity too soon. Well, maybe that wasn’t the best way to put it, but Sehun couldn’t think of any better words. Lu Han had always, always, done what was best for Sehun and kept Sehun’s best interests in his heart, even when it conflicted with what Sehun wanted—or what they both wanted. When Sehun reached maturity, he realized it was time to start giving back. It was time for him to go to the library and take the books from Lu Han’s hands, lead him to bed and tuck him in. It was time for Sehun to insist that Lu Han try to eat a little more, to take care of his body. Sometimes Sehun had to be the one to tell Lu Han to take it slow, to not be dumb when it came to his powers, to know his limits. Lu Han was never very good when it came to his own limits, even when he could sense when Sehun was approaching his own.

Maybe that was why Sehun blamed himself so much when Lu Han lost his mind, trying to save them all. Trying to save Sehun. because in the end, the two of them were so selfish when it came to each other. They’d do anything for their other half, even if it hurt them in the process.

Even when Lu Han came back (finally, finally came back, looked Sehun in the eyes with all the love he’d had in in his gaze so many years ago, when he was trying to talk Sehun into waiting), he didn’t come back all the way. It got better as time went on but there were still cracks in Lu Han’s foundation. Sometimes Lu Han would freeze, staring off into space, and Sehun would have to come over and coax him back to the present. At those times, Lu Han would lose whatever it was he’d been doing or thinking about. It could happen at any time, when they were walking down a road, when Lu Han was eating or speaking—once it happened when Lu Han was swimming, and he went down in the water like a rock. He would have drowned had Sehun not been there to pull him up, remind him to breathe.

And then there was Lu Han’s gift—his wonderful ability to move things with his mind. For a long time, it was just gone. Lu Han didn’t like to talk about it, and he hid it very well—he had no reason to use his gift, after all. And then when they started getting stronger, it became more noticeable. His gift had returned, but Lu Han was not as strong as he once was. He didn’t think he would ever be that strong again.

That’s when it truly became Sehun’s turn to look out for Lu Han, not just his physical wellbeing but his emotional health as well.

* * *

“Sehun,” Lu Han asked one night, trying to keep his tone light but betrayed by the tears in his eyes, “Are you tired of me?”

The compound was silent—nearly everyone else had gone to bed, but Sehun and Lu Han had gone to great lengths to make sure that their quarters were as soundproof as possible (they could get quite loud, sometimes), and it made Sehun’s stunned silence that much more pronounced. They were lying side by side on their bed, and Sehun slowly sat up.

“Why,” Sehun gasped, “Would you ever ask me something like that?”

Lu Han laughed, but his voice broke on a sob. “I’m not the man you fell in love with.”

“Don’t say that,” Sehun said fiercely, “As if it’s a reason not to love you. I’m not the boy you fell in love with anymore, are you tired of me?”

Lu Han shook his head as he sat up, tears swimming in his eyes. “But you have to do so much for me, and it will always be that way.” He started to sob in earnest, bent over and clutching his chest. “By the Tree, Sehun, if I could go back to how I used to be…I’d do anything. I just feel so…broken. And it’s all my fault.” He looked up, tears streaming down his cheeks. “I hurt us both—”

“You saved us!” Sehun cried, “Are we going to have this discussion again? My god, Lu Han, if there is one thing I’m tired of, it’s how little you think of yourself!” Lu Han jerked back as if he’d been slapped, and Sehun lowered his voice. “I know it was hard for you to make that decision, but if you hadn’t…we could have died. We really could have died, and then what would have happened? The Tree would be gone, Mama would have won. You saved our planet with your sacrifice, you gave us this, our future!”

“But you lost me! And we lost eight years, and I remember you and Jongin crying and begging me to come back! I remember you hurting yourself—”

“Stop,” Sehun begged, “Lu Han, it’s over. All that is over.”

“It’s eight years that we’ll never get back,” Lu Han choked, "And…it’s eight years that I didn’t love you.”

Sehun froze and leaned back. “Oh,” he breathed. “Oh…so that’s why you’re punishing yourself.”

Lu Han wanted to deny it, but he couldn’t. He _was_ punishing himself, because he remembered so clearly the lack of emotion he felt during the eight years of hell he put Sehun and Jongin through. Sehun had loved him so much even then, and Lu Han had felt…nothing.

Lu Han tipped his head back, staring at the ceiling so he wouldn’t have to look at Sehun. He knew that even then, Sehun would be staring at him with all the love in the world. Tears ran down the side of his face and into his hair, and he didn’t brush them away.

“It’s my fault,” he whispered. “Every bad thing that happened to you in those eight years was my fault, and I’ll never be able to make it up to you.”

Sehun grabbed Lu Han’s hands and held them to his chest. Lu Han closed his eyes and turned his head away. He couldn’t look, if he did he’d feel even more wretched.

“You already have,” Sehun said gently, “With every moment we’ve shared since then. When you agreed to marry me, when we stuck out our differences during the time that I lost hope in the Tree, now when we’re on different sides about what should be done to punish the people that put us here…Lu Han, I thought we worked this out. We can’t change the past, we can only look to the future.” Sehun cradled Lu Han’s face in his hands. “Love please, look at me.”

Lu Han squeezed his eyes shut and shook his head.

Sehun sounded near tears when he spoke again. “What can I do? How can I help you?”

“You can be angry with me! For once, please, Sehun! Just be angry! Yell at me, blame me, tell me how much I hurt you—so when you say you forgive me I’ll know that you mean it, that you understand you have something to forgive because right now…I’m not even sure that you do!”

“But I was never angry with you!” Sehun exploded.

Lu Han opened his eyes in shock, and wished he hadn’t. Sehun looked so upset, and it was Lu Han’s fault once more. As if sensing what Lu Han was thinking, Sehun leaned forward, holding Lu Han’s gaze.

“I was angry with myself,” Sehun rushed, “And while I forgave you, I never forgave myself. I was never angry with you because I knew…deep down I knew that it was the right thing for you to do. And as much as I wished I had stopped you,” Sehun choked on a sob but pushed through, “What I wanted more than that was just a chance to…say goodbye,” he was crying almost as hard as Lu Han by that point, “And to tell you one last time that I loved you with all my heart, and I was—I am so, so _proud_ of you. And I was so angry at myself for not realizing what you were doing until it was too late, because you didn’t get to hear that from me.”

“But you lost me,” Lu Han whimpered.

“I got you back,” Sehun reminded him. He lifted Lu Han’s hands to his mouth and kissed them, never breaking eye contact. “I got you back and I will never, ever, let you go again. And I’ll make you a deal,” he said suddenly, moving closer. They were both kneeling on the bed now, and their knees were touching. “I’ll forgive myself, but only when you forgive yourself.”

“That’s not fair!”

Sehun held up his hand. “I didn’t say it had to be right away, or that I wouldn’t help you. In fact, we can help each other. We will move past this, Lu Han, one way or another. I will not let you go down this road, I will not let you hate yourself for any reason. You are worth so much more than that.”

Lu Han closed his eyes again, leaning forward to press his forehead to Sehun’s. How often the two of them had been in this position, for so many reasons…Lu Han had lost count. Sehun fluttered butterfly kisses over Lu Han’s cheeks and nose, kissed him so gently that Lu Han almost crumbled. Sometimes it was easier to fall apart under a gentle touch than a heady one.

“Lu Han? Please can you promise that you’ll try to forgive yourself?”

It would make Sehun happy, and in the end that was all Lu Han wanted. And he truly did want to stop feeling so awful all the time, so he took a deep, shaky breath and promised to do so.

Drained, the two of them decided it was time to go to bed. They laid in each other's arms, but they weren't drained enough to sleep right away.

They started kissing, and Lu Han quickly let Sehun take the lead. Lu Han wasn’t passive, he was just too worked up to really think about what they were doing. Sehun was so gentle with him, he never once stopped kissing Lu Han, sweet little pecks that made Lu Han’s heart melt. Sehun was really so unbearably loving sometimes.  
  
They spent a long time kissing, and Sehun was the one to finally pull back and whisper that they should go to sleep. Lu Han didn’t want to, but the words got stuck in his throat. He _was_ a little overwhelmed, and thought that sleep might not be such a bad idea after all. Sehun curled himself around Lu Han’s body, spooning him. Sehun was so much taller now, even though his Maturity had long since passed he seemed to have grown more in the last few years, or maybe that was just because Lu Han felt so small at the moment, hunching his shoulders and keeping his arms close to his body. Sehun wrapped an arm across Lu Han’s chest, gently prying his arms loose.  
  
“Please don’t be upset anymore,” Sehun begged. “Just for a little while, Lu Han, please…don’t think about it. We can talk more in the morning if you want, but I don’t…I don’t want you to go to sleep upset.”  
  
Lu Han sniffled and wiped his eyes. “I’m not as upset anymore,” he mumbled. “I just…it’s hard to stop crying.” ' _You love me so much and it’s beautiful. You’re beautiful, Sehun—when did this happen? When did it start becoming so easy for you to overwhelm me?'_  
  
They had only been lying down for a few minutes, but the idea of sleep was thrown out. Lu Han turned over in Sehun’s arms and kissed him again, more insistently, grabbing the front of Sehun’s shirt and pulling him closer.  
  
“Sehun-ah,” Lu Han mumbled against Sehun’s lips, “I need you.”  
  
Sehun groaned and turned Lu Han onto his back. Sehun hovered over Lu Han and slipped a hand up under his shirt, resting it low on his stomach. Lu Han whimpered, arching up and trapping Sehun’s hand between their bodies. “Sehun…”  
  
Sehun kissed him briefly and then gently pressed down on Lu Han’s stomach to make him lie down again. He then sat up and tugged his shirt off, and Lu Han wasted no time in reaching for the hem of his own. Sehun pulled Lu Han up and helped him remove his shirt, then laying him back down just as carefully as he had before. Sehun held Lu Han’s gaze this time, rather than kiss him, and Lu Han almost wanted to blush. He was still a little worked up.  
  
“You’re crying already?”  
  
Okay, maybe more than a little worked up. “No, my eyes hurt.”

Sehun smiled at him and leaned down to kiss the corners of Lu Han’s eyes. “Keep them closed then,” he suggested jokingly. “Love is blind, after all.”  
  
Lu Han giggled—when they first made love, Sehun had wanted them both to be blindfolded because “Love was blind,” and Lu Han had put a quick stop to that, figuring that one of them was going to royally screw something up and someone had to be able to see. In the end, neither of them went blindfolded.  
  
“Maybe I will,” Lu Han laughed as Sehun kissed down his neck. His breath caught in his throat when Sehun sucked gently on his collarbones.  
  
“I’ll take care of you, Lu Han,” Sehun breathed against Lu Han’s throat. “I’ve got you.”  
  
That was when Lu Han lost it. he shut his eyes against the tears, but they wouldn’t stop. It wasn’t like a hysterical flood of tears though, and Lu Han felt like maybe Sehun wouldn’t notice. Sehun was, after all, busy kissing his way down Lu Han’s chest and working both of their pants off.  
  
But of course, Sehun knew. He crawled back up and kissed Lu Han’s cheeks, right on the tear-tracks. Lu Han wasn’t usually teary during sex—neither of them really were, but sometimes…they just had to cry.  
  
Sehun was so gentle, almost unbearably so. Lu Han thought it would have been easier if Sehun was rough, teasing, whispering filthy promises—but no, Sehun was careful and tender and whispered constant sweet promises of love as he stretched Lu Han open on his fingers. Lu Han tried to keep his eyes shut, but eventually he found himself staring at the ceiling, and he purposely kept his eyes of Sehun’s face because he knew he’d lose it if he looked Sehun in the eye.  
  
Sehun didn’t mind. This wasn’t the first time they’d made love like this, with one or both of them so strung out on emotions that they could barely function. He watched Lu Han carefully for signs that he might be uncomfortable (a few hundred years together and Sehun could read Lu Han’s body language like a book), he made sure to go slowly and not hurt Lu Han—and he wanted to draw out the moment for as long as he could.  
  
Sehun pushed in slowly, keeping his gaze trained on Lu Han’s face, but he showed no signs of discomfort. He was staring at the ceiling, his eyes unfocused, his mouth slightly open. Sehun kissed him, licking into his mouth until Lu Han was clinging to his shoulders, fingers scrambling against sweaty skin for something to hold onto. Lu Han wound up anchoring his fingers in Sehun’s hair, his head arched so far back that the veins in his neck stood out. Sehun made love to him in slow, deep thrusts, wanting to kiss Lu Han but not wanting to muffle the sounds he made.  
  
That was probably one of Sehun’s favorite things about getting Lu Han like this—he was so strung out that he lost all inhibitions, and he became so much more vocal. It started out as soft pants, breathless chanting of “Sehun, Sehun,” and as time progressed and Sehun kept a steady, slow pace, Lu Han began to gasp, his words trailing off into choked moans and breathless exhales. The tears had stopped but Sehun could see them lurking in the corners of Lu Han’s eyes—he lowered his head, his lips brushing Lu Han’s ear.  
  
“I love you, I love you so much Lu Han, I love you…” Over and over again until Lu Han was squirming against him, his hips stuttering against Sehun’s own trying to urge him to go faster, but Sehun would have none of it and he grabbed Lu Han’s legs and hitched them up around his waist, bending him practically in half until he was able to slide in deeper. Lu Han keened, squeezing his eyes shut as he cried again.  
  
“Sehun, god, Sehun—I can’t,” Lu Han trailed off in a choked gasp as Sehun wrapped a hand around his cock.  
  
“It’s okay,” Sehun crooned. “I’m right here. I’ll always be here, I’ll always love you,” and he continued on even though Lu Han wasn’t listening—couldn’t hear him, he was too blissed out on his orgasm. Sehun followed not long after, burying his face in the pillow under Lu Han’s head, his promises lost in a moan of Lu Han’s name.  
  
Even after Sehun stilled and he slowly lowered Lu Han’s legs, he didn’t pull out. When Lu Han regained some of his wits, he gently ran his fingers through Sehun’s hair to get his attention. Sehun pulled his face out of the pillow and caught Lu Han’s kiss, slow and thorough, and it was a while before they parted. Only when Sehun really wasn’t able to hold himself up anymore did he finally pull out, wincing sympathetically as Lu Han whimpered.  
  
“It’s okay,” Lu Han managed with a smile, “It doesn’t hurt. I just…” He bit his lip as his voice shook.  
  
Sehun flopped onto his side and gathered Lu Han in his arms, holding him close and ignoring the mess on their stomachs. “I’m right here,” Sehun whispered. He trailed his fingers along Lu Han’s jaw, holding his gaze. “I’m not going anywhere, my love.”  
  
Lu Han was crying again, but he was smiling too. “I love you so much, Sehun.”  
  
“I love you too,” Sehun whispered, kissing Lu Han’s beautiful smile. “I will always love you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original notes:  
> I always make HunHan so sad, but in the words of my dear wifey “You made Lu Han a vegetable for the first how many chapters and you're wondering why there's so much angst in their arcs?”
> 
> Yes I know, I regret that decision every time I write HunHan and I cry (but I don’t really regret it because glorious angst). Anyway this is actually super long, I don’t normally write sex scenes but HunHan were being lovey-dovey so I decided to continue in this vein.


	54. Made of Stardust

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kyungsoo-centric  
> Continuity: Sometime after they settle at the compound.  
> Hmm, you think this sounds cute, eh? WRONG-O.

Kyungsoo wanted to disappear for a little while and come back when everything had calmed down. He couldn’t blame everyone for being shaken, he’d given them quite a fright—but then he’d had a good reason to be afraid himself. He’d never encountered a bridge like that before, not one that tall, or so high over water.

* * *

They had to cross the bridge to get to their next destination, and they were all slightly nervous. Was it safe? Would it collapse in the middle?

“Even if it’s not quite structurally sound,” Kris said, trying to sound braver than Kyungsoo knew he felt, “It can handle twelve people and two dogs. It used to hold hundreds trucks all at once, it’ll be okay.”

Any other time they would have asked Kyungsoo to strengthen the bridge for them, but none of them wanted to use their gifts at the moment—there had been a bad storm the night before and they were all tired and frazzled. Maybe that was one reason that Kyungsoo had reacted the way he did.

It wasn’t so bad at first, walking over the bridge—Kyungsoo made it a good fifty yards before it happened. He was walking normally, lost in thought about what they would see in the next city, and he had just put his foot down. He didn’t even know when he was using his gift anymore, it just happened that he would walk and feel the earth, and he didn’t even realize he had been doing it again until he put his foot down and felt nothing.

It was worse than having dead earth, because at least then Kyungsoo felt something, but this was a thousand times worse. Kyungsoo could feel the thickness of the concrete, but that was basically dead earth, and then through the thick, dead ground he felt…nothing. It ended, it was gone. There was nothing under him, nothing to support him, just one flimsy layer of earth separating him from that yawning gap between the water and the surface of the bridge.

Kyungsoo froze, confused for a half second before what he was feeling registered.

Nothing.

 _Nothing_.

Kyungsoo had no control over his reaction, it was instinct, primal, fight or flight. Fear pierced him and froze him to the spot even when he wanted nothing more than to run as far away as he could, and since he couldn’t move, he screamed.

No, he didn’t scream—he shrieked. A long, unbroken, terrified sound that made everyone as scared as he was. Suho was the first one to react, to run over to Kyungsoo and try to snap him out of it.

“Kyungsoo, Kyungsoo! What happened? Kyungsoo, stop! Are you hurt? By the Tree, say something!”

Past hysterical, Kyungsoo barely registered that he was crying as well as screaming. He tried to form words, but they wouldn’t come, not the way he wanted them to.

“Nothing! There’s nothing! It’s gone, it’s all gone!”

“What are you talking about?” Suho yelled, and Kyungsoo didn’t know at the time but Suho was panicking, his eyes were wide with it. “Kyungsoo please!”

“The ground!” Kyungsoo screamed, and he flung his hands up to latch onto Suho’s arms, digging his nails into the skin. He didn’t realize it, but he would leave crescent shaped scars on Suho’s arms by the end of it. “It’s gone, the ground is gone!”

Kai was the one who got it, and he started yelling too. “Get him back, take him back to the end of the bridge, go!”

Kris jolted into motion, he ran over and picked Kyungsoo up—Kyungsoo thrashed in his grip, screaming his head off—and ran to the other end of the bridge, Suho hot on his heels. When they got back to solid ground, Kris tried to put Kyungsoo down gently, but he couldn’t stand. His legs were totally limp and unsupportive, and his knees buckled at once. He went down hard, Kris barely able to hold him up as much as he was. If Kyungsoo’s upper body had not been so rigid, Kris might have dropped him entirely. He was still screaming and crying.

“It’s okay!” Kris shouted over Kyungsoo’s hysterical shrieks. “We’re back, we’re okay, you’re okay! Kyungsoo!”

It took a moment, but eventually the solidness of the earth registered with Kyungsoo and he realized that he was back on solid ground. His screams cut off with a ragged gasp, and his vision went dark as he fainted. Kris barely managed to hold up his now entirely dead weight so that he wouldn’t face-plant into the dirt.

Kris and Suho together managed to turn Kyungsoo on his side and lay him down. The rest of the group approached slowly, and before they could take a moment to recover, Kyungsoo shot up once more. He pitched forward onto his hands and knees and promptly vomited, tears hot on his cheeks once more.

It was disgusting—possibly the worst thing that had ever happened to Kyungsoo in his entire life, and he’s thrown up before but it was never this bad. He couldn’t breathe and he couldn’t stop gagging, from fear or the smell, he didn’t know, and even when there was nothing left in his stomach his body continued to heave. Kris and Suho had been holding him up, talking to him an effort to keep him calm, and sensing what was happening they grabbed him by his arms and hauled him away from the stench of the vomit. Suho took a water bottle from his pack and coaxed Kyungsoo into drinking some, but he merely swished it around in his mouth and spit it out. He didn’t want to swallow it, his stomach was still rolling with nausea and he knew he’d just throw it up again. Suho then poured some water out onto a rag and wiped sweat and tears from Kyungsoo’s face and neck. Kris held Kyungsoo in his lap, keeping him upright and still, or as still as he could, because by that time Kyungsoo had started to shake, violently.

“Shh,” Suho crooned, fanning his hand near Kyungsoo’s face, “It’s okay, you’re alright now, you’re okay…”

Kyungsoo’s teeth were chattering, and he kept his mouth shut for fear that he’d throw up again if he opened it. He could barely understand what Suho was saying, he heard it but it wouldn’t register until later.

“He’s going into shock,” Kris muttered.

“No, he’s having a panic attack,” Suho countered. “Or…well, maybe both.”

“Panic attack from…the bridge, shock from being so violently sick,” Kris decided. “What a combination, poor baby. This just isn’t your day.”

Suho settled down, pulling a thin book from his bag and using it to fan Kyungsoo. “Nothing to do but ride it out I guess…oh god, no…”

Kyungsoo went totally limp and passed out a second time. This time he stayed out for longer, and it took him a while to come around. Dimly, he registered voices.

“…of us, we shouldn’t have tried to cross the bridge,” Suho whispered.

“I know, I’m kicking myself for it, believe me,” Kris sighed.

“Poor kid, what do we do?”

“Yixing’s digging around in the first aid kit,” came Kai’s voice. “He’s got some kind of herbal thing that’s good for nerves. That’s all it was, a bad case of nerves, Kyungsoo will be fine, he always bounces back.”

Not this time, Kyungsoo thought to himself. One of his hands was flopped carelessly on the ground, and he dug his fingers into the ground, reassuring himself that it was there and it was solid, there was no huge gap that threatened to open under him…he started to shake again.

“Kyungsoo, honey,” Suho cooed, taking Kyungsoo’s other hand. “Can you hear me?”

Kyungsoo opened his eyes and took in the concerned expression on his older brother’s face, and then he looked down at their clasped hands and noticed the blood on Suho’s sleeves, and realized that he’d done that. Suho followed his gaze and quickly tried to reassure him.

“It’s nothing, sweetie, it doesn’t bother me at all, it’s you I’m concerned about. Do you want to try to drink something now?”

Kyungsoo shook his head and clamped his lips shut when the motion made his head spin. His stomach continued to churn.

Kris was stroking his hair, trying to calm him down. “It’s okay, Kyungsoo, we’re getting you something to help with the nausea. How’s your stomach, does it hurt? You can tap my hand for yes or no.”

That was a system they had devised back when they used to get sore throats in the winter—one tap for yes and two for no. Kyungsoo tapped Kris’ hand once.

Kris sighed. “I’m sorry, little bro. We should have known better than to take you over that thing, what were we thinking?”

Kyungsoo felt tears sting his eyes. “No,” he whispered, his voice cracking. “I’m sorry.”

“You have nothing to be sorry for,” Suho said immediately. “It wasn’t your fault.”

“I don’t know what happened to me,” Kyungsoo went on, even though he felt more and more sick with each word. “I scared you both, I hurt Suho, I scared everyone…I’m sorry.” And then he was forced to clamp his mouth shut as he gagged, but everyone knew he wouldn’t throw up anymore—he couldn’t.

“We forgive you,” Kris told him, and Suho looked ready to hit Kris.

“There’s—”

“He’s not going to believe you,” Kris cut Suho off. “Just say you forgive him, we can talk more about this when he feels better.”

* * *

That had been a week ago. It had taken hours for Kyungsoo to stop feeling nauseous, and then Kai had teleported him back to the hotel they’d stayed in the previous night. Kyungsoo wished they could go back to the compound, but it was too far away. They had to explore their new territory, and though they agreed that to move forward while Kyungsoo was ill was dumb, it was too far to go home. It took three days for Kyungsoo to fully recover—more mentally than physically—before they could move on. Once they got back to travelling, Kai teleported Kyungsoo over the bridge and they waited for the others to cross on foot.

It had also been a week since Kyungsoo had talked—really talked, beyond simple sentences. He didn’t know what to say to his friends to explain himself. It was easy to look back and say that he was stupid, that he shouldn’t have been so afraid, but then again they all knew how sensitive Kyungsoo’s gift was, they’d seen him nearly ruined by it once before. Kyungsoo wondered why it was just him that seemed to have a problem with his gift, everyone else seemed to be doing just fine.

They were wandering through another museum, taking note of some older things, breaking open cases and packing up the sturdier items that looked like they could handle being brought to a safer place. there was an entire hall in this museum dedicated to clothing, but most of it was in shambles. One piece had crumbled almost entirely into dust.

“That might have happened before we even got here,” Xiumin told them, examining what was left. “It looks like it was a pretty old piece to begin with, and I doubt people were paying much attention to costumes at the end of the world.”

The thing was totally ruined—all scraps and dust. Kyungsoo stopped in front of the display case and took in what was left of what must have once been a beautiful costume. Somebody had spent hours making it, and for it to be in a museum…it must have been very important.

Kyungsoo just started crying. Slowly at first and then harder, until finally he realized that it was just him, alone in the room, and he sobbed out loud. It was just so sad, how this entire race of people was wiped out. They hadn’t seen any living human in years and…he was so lonely.

He wondered why he seemed to feel the whole loss more than everyone else—at any rate nobody else had broken down in a museum before. He chalked it up to his gift and being so connected to the earth. He was starting to realize that he could feel what the previous inhabitants did to the earth and how they affected it, and it was like he knew he should feel something else, he knew he should be able to feel crowds and traffic and urbanization, but he just doesn’t.

And then he wonders if that was happening on their planet. How much of their history had been lost already?

Kyungsoo looked down at himself and saw a stranger. These weren’t his clothes, this thing called a t-shirt and these tight jeans. He suddenly missed his robes—he used to hate the heavy black Guardian’s robes but now he wondered what’s become of them. Where did he leave them? When did his clothing change? When did _Kyungsoo_ change? Where did he go? This isn’t what he pictured he would be, growing up the sanctuary. And after all, nobody could predict the future, so how could he say with any certainty that he would be this way in another one hundred years? What would happen to him in that time? Who would he become, and if the Kyungsoo from right now met the Kyungsoo from 100 years in the future, would they recognize each other? Kyungsoo thought that if he could meet his nine year old self…the younger self wouldn’t recognize him.

Kyungsoo knew that this was a called a derealization moment—he’d had them a few times before, but this felt different. He almost wanted to laugh, though he continued to cry. How weird was it that the universe had been created so many billions of years ago, exploding into existence, stardust forming planets, suns, humans; and now all that creation, destruction, and stardust had culminated in this moment, in one small boy who stood in front of a glass case and cried over the loss of an old outfit.

At some point Kyungsoo had fallen to his knees, but he didn’t realize it until he felt a hand on his shoulder.

“Kyungsoo?” It was Tao. “What’s wrong?”

Kyungsoo wiped his face on his sleeve and sniffled. “It’s just so sad,” he mumbled. “Everything’s changing, here and at home and we have no idea what it will become, what we’ll find when we go home, who we’ll find. We don’t know anything and we can’t stop it from changing and growing old, we can’t keep ourselves from changing…” he hiccupped and forced himself to calm down.

“I know.”

Kyungsoo looked up at Tao in shock, and then he remembered that this was Tao he was talking to—Tao controlled time, if anyone could understand it was him.

“I can feel time passing,” Tao confessed quietly, kneeling down next to Kyungsoo and looking at the ruined outfit. “You know it seems like every day is the same here. It feels like time has stopped, or that’s what everyone tells me, but I know it’s a lie. I know exactly how much time has gone by, and it’s so long. I see all the things that are changing on this world and I also wonder…what we’ll find when we go back. If we can find anything.”

Kyungsoo was shocked. “You seem so…unbothered,” he said hesitantly. “I’m a wreck.”

Tao smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes. “You’re not a wreck. You had a bad week and you’re not in great shape, and I get that too. You weren’t there the first time I tried to use my gift after…after what happened on the mountain.”

“Was it as bad as how I reacted?”

Tao shrugged. “I was a child. I was convinced there were monsters under my bed, I thought I was seeing them come to life before my own eyes in the shadows. I couldn’t sleep by myself after that. Even now I…I know monsters aren’t real, and the shadows don’t move, I _know_ it…but it doesn’t help.” Tao put an arm around Kyungsoo’s shoulders. “I know what it’s like to hate your gift sometimes.”

“All the time,” Kyungsoo corrected darkly. “I wish I had anything but Earth.” At Tao’s raised eyebrow, he corrected himself. “Earth or Time.”

Tao shook his head. “I could give you some big speech about how it’ll change, it’ll get better, and all that jazz, but that’s a job for Suho or Kris and I may be dating them but I’m not like them. so how about instead I just tell you that I’m here for you if it ever gets to be too much, okay?”

It was like a weight lifted off Kyungsoo’s chest. He wasn’t alone, there was someone who understood what it was like for him.

“Okay,” he said with a genuine smile. “Thanks, Tao.”

Tao got to his feet and offered Kyungsoo a hand up. “No problem.”


	55. The Boy & The Butterfly

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Continuity: Sometime during chapter 4 of AWE.  
> This was briefly referenced in chapter 34—Lay wandered off and Baekhyun brought him home. It's also (obviously) before Lay asked everyone to call him Yixing, so he's called Lay in this chapter.

Lay didn’t mean to wander off as often as he did—he never intended to go too far away from the Sanctuary, it always just seemed to happen. One minute he’d be walking out the front door, and then the next he was skipping through an unfamiliar part of the woods, happily lost.

Lay was a child still, no matter what Kris liked to say (“You’re growing up, Lay! You’re already eleven, and you need to set an example for the other kids, and that includes keeping track of where you are!”), but he showed a lot of maturity in the way that he always kept calm. Baekhyun liked to call it airheaded-ness, but Lay just had a very naturally calm, collected personality. It took a lot to get him riled up, especially now that he was comfortable with who he was and where he was. In any case, whenever Lay got lost, he never worried too much about how he’d find his way home. He knew that no matter what, he’d make it home safely. He’d been lost enough times to know that he’d always be okay.

But this time, it was entirely not his fault that he’d gotten lost. It had been Kris’ idea to play hide and seek, so really he must have expected for Lay to get distracted—as he was prone to—and wander off. Besides, he’d been hiding for a really long time and he was starting to get bored. Then a butterfly fluttered by, and Lay thought that it would be much more fun to play tag with a butterfly than hide under a bush and wait for somebody to find him. So, Lay took off after the butterfly.

Kai liked to say that insects didn’t have feelings, they didn’t have the brain capacity and whatnot. Lay disagreed—he’d always had a way with animals, and he thought that all of them had feelings. He liked to think that the butterfly would have been surprised to suddenly realize that a small boy was chasing after it, and so when Lay was sure he was out of earshot of the others, he called out to it.

“Hey, butterfly! Hello, how are you? My name is Lay! Can I play with you?”

The butterfly flew in an erratic circle, fluttering close to Lay and then darting away. Lay stopped running and held perfectly still, holding his palm out. The butterfly fluttered around him for a few moments and then landed on his hand. Slowly, Lay pulled his hand closer so he could have a good look at his new friend. The butterfly was fairly small, it’s wings were about as long as his little finger, but it was very pretty—yellow with blue spots. It crawled over Lay’s hand, smelling him. But Lay was not a flower, and he knew the butterfly wouldn’t stay with him for long.

So, Lay smiled and whispered, “Let’s play,” and then he blew the butterfly off his finger and set about chasing it.

He chased the butterfly for a long time, maybe about an hour, and by the end of it he’d gotten himself good and lost. But he didn’t mind so much, the butterfly kept fluttering back and landing on his head, and then Lay would try to catch it in his hands, purposely missing so that the insect would take off once more and lead him somewhere interesting. But eventually the butterfly flew up so high that Lay lost sight of it in the sunlight, and he sighed when he realized that he was all alone.

Never one to dwell on something like being alone, Lay looked around and smiled when he found himself in a beautiful little clearing. He examined the ground for signs of passing creatures, and found a set of hoof prints. He recognized them to be that of a deer, and a young one at that, but he only saw one set of tracks. Wherever the deer was, it’s mother was not with it. Lay knew that it was not uncommon for young deer to be left alone when their mothers went grazing, but he was worried. This place didn’t look like it was frequented by hunters, but it was possible that the deer’s mother had been killed. Back when he lived in the South, their Sanctuary had often adopted orphaned animals and raised them until they were old enough to be on their own, and deer had been among them. Lay decided that he would go find the little deer and make sure that it was alright, and if it wasn’t then he’d bring it home with him and raise it.

Nodding to himself, Lay got down on his hands and knees and started to follow the tracks. He’d learned how to track an animal when he was only three years old, this was easy for him. He was so focused on the tracks that he nearly ran into several trees, and at one point he put his hand down and it sank to his wrist in mud.

“Ew!” Lay cried, pulling his hand up and shaking it. At that moment, he heard the short bleat of a fawn. When Lay looked up, his heart stopped.

“Oh, no!” He spotted the baby—it was sunk to its knees in the mud.

“You silly little critter!” Lay called, getting to his feet and wading through the mud, headless of the fact that it was getting all over his shoes and covering the hem of his robes. “You wandered all this way into the mud? You should have paid more attention!” He scolded, finally coming close enough where he could touch the animal. The fawn looked to be about two weeks old, and it was leaning away from Lay, bleating loudly.

“Oh, hush,” He muttered, wrapping his arms around it and getting a good grip before he lifted it up out of the mud. There was a disgusting squelch as it’s legs came free. “Yuck,” Lay groaned as the fawn bleated again. “That better have been a thank you!” Lay cried crossly, starting to make his way out of the mud. “Look at how dirty I got getting you out of there! Hey, quit squirming around, baby!”

He was glad when he made it back to solid ground and was able to put the fawn down. It shook itself off, but the mud still clung to its legs. Lay huffed, looking down at his robes. They were supposed to be a light grey, but now they were all black along the bottom.

“Well, no sense in both of us being dirty, I guess,” Lay shrugged. He turned back to the fawn, which was now eying him curiously. “Can I clean your legs?”

The fawn didn’t move, so Lay sat down and started to wipe it’s feet off with his sleeves. The baby never tried to run, but it did continue to bleat loudly every few seconds.

“Are you yelling for your mama, with your loud voice?” Lay asked, looking up at the deer’s face. It blinked at him and bleated again.

“I suppose that’s a yes.”

When Lay was done he was even filthier than before, and he suspected that he’d gotten mud on his face and in his hair, but the baby was clean. The fawn shook itself off again, and began to walk away, turning around after a few steps to bleat at Lay.

“Do you want me to follow you?” He asked, taking a few steps closer. The fawn continued along, and Lay followed. They went along carefully, picking their way through the undergrowth, and soon Lay heard trickling water.

“Are you serious? You let me use my robes to clean you up, and all this time there was good clean water not that far away?”

The fawn ignored him and ambled into the stream, bending to take a drink.

“Well, I suppose you should be thirsty, but that’s no reason to ignore me when I talk to you.” The fawn finished its drink and then turned back to Lay, stepping closer until it was sniffing his face. Then it lowered its head and nibbled at his necklace.

“Hey, shoo!” Lay cried, quickly tucking his necklace into his shirt. “That’s my token, you silly baby!”

The fawn looked up then, focused on the other side of the stream, and bleated loudly. Lay followed it’s gaze and saw an adult deer standing in the brush.

“Oh, is that your mama?” Lay asked, waving at the deer. It took a few steps closer, and the fawn let out another loud cry—this one echoed by the adult. The fawn went splashing through the water and ran up to its mother, cuddling up against her side. The mother seemed to nod at Lay before she turned around and walked off, and the fawn looked over its shoulder briefly before it followed along.

“You’re welcome!” Lay called, waving to them. He smiled after them for a few seconds, taking a moment to wish for the mother and baby to live happily, and for the baby to grow up safe and healthy. Then when he was done, Lay knelt by the stream and washed his hands and face. He tried to wash his shoes too, but that didn’t really work out so well. Having gotten himself all wet, Lay stretched out on his back to let the sun dry him off. He tried to guess from the angle of the sun what time it was, and he figured it was probably around 1:30. He’d been in the woods for almost three hours.

“They must have noticed I’m missing by now, I wonder if they’re looking for me.” He hoped not, because then Kris would probably be the one to find him, and then he’d get a scolding for wandering off and getting dirty.

Lay was staring at the sky for a while, watching the clouds drift by and imagining what they looked like. He was just about to fall asleep when he heard a tree branch snap. Thinking that the deer had either come back or he’d been found he sat up quickly and looked around, only to almost fall back over in shock. There was a unicorn about five feet in front of him.

But that wasn’t possible, because unicorns were gone. They hadn’t been seen in hundreds of years, the last sighting was around the time of the third generation of Guardians! Lay couldn’t believe it, he had to be dreaming.

“I’m dreaming,” He breathed, taking in the sight of the creature before him. Well, he’d never truly believed that the unicorns were gone. His symbol was a unicorn, because their horns were said to have great healing powers, and his token was a piece of metal that had been twisted into a unicorn-head pendant. Lay reached for the token now, drawing it out from under his collar. The unicorn took a step forward and Lay held his breath, squeezing his pendant so tightly that it bit into his palm.

“Ouch,” he cried, pulling his hand away. It began to bleed a little, and Lay gasped as he realized that he couldn’t be dreaming. He swallowed hard, locking eyes with the unicorn. It was small, maybe about the size of the adult deer, and Lay didn’t know if it was fully grown or not. It was so white that it seemed to glow in the sunlight. The unicorn took another step forward, sniffing at Lay’s injured hand. Lay held his breath and slowly extended his hand, wondering if the creature would try to bite him. But instead the unicorn lowered its head and touched its horn to Lay’s hand, healing it instantly.

Lay giggled breathlessly, reaching out to touch the horn. The unicorn lifted its head again, but didn’t startle when Lay stroked it’s nose.

“You’re real,” he laughed, still a little disbelieving. “All this time, unicorns were real! Everyone told me it was impossible, they couldn’t stay hidden for this long!” The unicorn’s hair was so soft, he thought, petting it’s neck. It felt like bunny fur. “Oh wow, this is incredible! I can’t wait to tell everyone—”

He cut off as the unicorn turned its head, giving him a sharp look with one eye. Lay froze, his hand suspended in midair.

“Oh,” he said quietly. “I guess…I guess I can’t tell anyone about this, can I?”

The unicorn’s gaze seemed to soften, and it nudged his hand. Lay smiled, but couldn’t deny that he was a little bit sad.

“Everyone thinks I’m crazy, more the Matrons and Teachers, not my brothers. Well, they think I’m a little childish. A bit of an airhead.” He sighed heavily. “You know, even if I told them the truth, they probably wouldn’t believe me. Nobody would.”

The unicorn fixed him with a half pitying, half sarcastic gaze.

“Can you understand me? Push me over for yes!”

The unicorn did no such thing, but Lay thought maybe it was just being a brat.

“Well, I guess it doesn’t matter what they think,” he decided. “I know it’s real, I know I’m not dreaming.” He smiled widely, suddenly feeling very giddy. “This is the best day ever! Oh man, I can’t believe it! I met a real unicorn! You know, I’m a unicorn too,” he said proudly, “I can heal just like you!”

The unicorn whinnied, just like a horse, and tossed it’s head.

“Yeah, you are way prettier than me,” Lay agreed.

After a while, the unicorn pulled away from lay’s continued petting and looked up. Lay looked up at the sky and realized that the sun would be setting soon.

“Oh,” he said sadly. “I guess I should leave now. Everyone will be worried about me.”

He felt like he wanted to cry, thinking that this might be the last time he’d ever see this beautiful creature.

“You stay strong,” he told the unicorn firmly. “Don’t disappear from this world—it would be a much sadder place if we lost something so beautiful.”

The unicorn whinnied again, softer this time, and Lay gave it one final pat before he turned around to make his way back. He had barely lifted his foot off the ground to take his first step when he was suddenly pushed over, and fell face first on the ground.

‘ _Can you understand me? Push me over for yes!_ ’

Lay looked up, his eyes wide in shock, but the unicorn was already gone. Even so, he let out an elated whoop that could have been heard for a mile.

Eventually Lay made his way to a familiar berry patch, and he paused for a few moments to eat—his first meal in a few hours. He’d only been there for a minute when he heard someone crashing through the undergrowth, and a loud swear in a voice that he recognized.

“Baekhyun!” Lay called excitedly, looking around. Baekhyun burst through the undergrowth, scowling and brushing leaves from his hair.

“There you are!” He yelled, marching over. “We’ve been looking all over for you—what on earth happened to you?” He squawked, taking in the mud that still clung to Lay’s robes, how rumpled his hair and clothing was, the berry juice stains on his hands. “Where in the name of the Tree have you been?!”

Lay shoved the last berries in his mouth and skipped over to Baekhyun. “I found a unicorn,” he whispered, and then he giggled at the cross look on Baekhyun’s face.

“Let’s go home,” Baekhyun sighed. “You smell awful and Kris is worried sick about you.”

And when they got back to the sanctuary, Kris greeted him with a bear hug, yelling about how worried he was but close to tears, and Lay almost cried too because he never meant to worry anyone, and then Kris felt bad for making him cry and didn’t even punish him for wandering off.

* * *

In twenty four hours, Lay would be leaving home for the third time. He would be leaving to go to the Tree of Life, to be a fully-fledged Guardian, charged with protecting the world and the Tree. And then in a few more years, he would be leaving home for good.

The mood at the Northern Sanctuary was subdued, each newly matured Guardian lost in his own thoughts or else packing up everything dear to him—not that they had many belongings. For Lay, the most precious thing to him could never be taken along on any sort of trip.

“Gege,” He whispered to Kris, “I’m going for a walk, okay?”

“In the woods?” Kris asked, his brow furrowed in worry. They didn’t go in the woods after the incident on the mountain. They knew now what was lurking out there.

“I’ll be careful, I know where I’m going,” Lay promised.

Kris sighed but waved him off. “Be back before dark.”

Lay had made the trip twice now—the first time had been an accident, and the second time he nearly did get lost, but this time he knew where he was going. Still, it had been a while, the last time he’d gone had been right before they went to see the Tree for the first time, and Lay hadn’t told anyone where he was going.

He hurried up the mountain, paying no heed to the branches that snagged on his robes. The forest had never really had any trails, but due to the absence of young boys traipsing through the undergrowth, it had gotten even more overgrown.

It took Lay a better part of the morning to get to the top of the mountain. He splashed across the stream and sat down in a patch of sunlight, quietly waiting. About twenty minutes before he heard the rustling of a medium-sized creature making her way through the forest.

Lay grinned when the unicorn poked her head through the bushes. “Hi there, pretty girl,” he cooed, holding out his hand. He’s figured out on the second visit that his unicorn was a female, having read up extensively on unicorns and knowing what to look for. He’d decided to name her Grace, because she always seemed so poised and refined, almost like a queen.

Lay patted Grace’s neck, and she whinnied softly.

“I’m going away for a long time,” Lay told her quietly. “I don’t know when I’ll be back, or if I’ll ever see you again.” He took a deep breath, willing himself not to cry. “So this is goodbye, okay Grace? You take care of yourself, and stay strong.”

Grace pulled back from his hand and looked over her shoulder, whinnying again. Lay followed her gaze, and he heard something rustle in the bushes. After a moment, a small golden head popped out.

Lay gasped. “Grace!” He breathed, “You had a baby!”

Baby unicorns were bright gold for the first ten years of their lives, and they didn’t have horns until about age fifteen. Lay could guess that Grace’s baby was about three years old, due to its brilliant color.

Grace whinnied again, beckoning the baby forward. It trotted over, tossing it’s head nervously, and Lay knelt down, holding out his hand.

“It’s okay, baby,” he whispered. “I won’t hurt you.”

The baby was more skittish than Grace was, it pawed the ground and pranced in a circle for a moment before finally coming over. Once Lay began to pet it though, it became very friendly, nudging Lay’s shoulder and nibbling on the ends of his hair.

“You’re so sweet!” he cried, stroking it’s soft mane. He felt like crying—among all the bad things that had happened, up here in the mountains there was still one good thing that remained uncorrupted, that thrived even. If Grace could have a baby, then there must have been a male unicorn somewhere. Maybe there were dozens of unicorns, high up in the mountains where nobody would look for them.

Lay looked up at Grace. “Is it a girl?” he asked, already knowing the answer. Grace tossed her head in response as if to say ‘Of course you silly boy, why are you asking?’

He looked back at the baby and patted her head. “I’m going to call her Hope, alright?”

Grace head-butted Lay and shoved him over, and he laughed until his stomach hurt. “You like it that much?”

Lay wished he could stay forever, but he knew he had to get home before his brothers worried, and so after another minute he stood up. “You should go now,” he told Grace. “Take care of your baby, and I wish nothing but a long, healthy life for both of you.”

Grace nodded and turned away, walking back into the woods, and Hope scampered after her. Lay waved to them long after they were gone, a smile lighting his face. Seeing Grace and her new baby, he couldn’t help but feel that things would work out well for his home after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the whole 'baby unicorns are golden' thing was inspired by Harry Potter.


	56. Changes in Latitudes, Changes in Attitudes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Continuity: Shortly after chapter #31 and before #38. Relationship-wise that means HunHan are married but they’re the only ones. KaiChen and Baekyeol are openly a thing and OT3 is just getting started. Yixing is called Lay and Kyungsoo’s gift is blocked.

Why did the people of this planet feel like such bright colors were a good idea? This was what Baekhyun wondered as he looked around at the selection of swim wear—which showed far more skin than he was accustomed to putting on display. Specifically, his whole upper body. Baekhyun sorely missed his Guardian’s robes, he felt so safe in them.

An arm wrapped around his waist and he couldn’t stop a grin as Chanyeol kissed his cheek. “Those look good,” he said, flicking the shorts Baekhyun held. They were violently pink. Kris said it was called neon. Baekhyun called it an eyesore. They had stumbled upon a warehouse full of swim gear, and had torn open boxes upon boxes of the clothing. Daisy and Keen were wandering around, chewing on some of the discarded pairs of shorts. Baekhyun rolled his eyes as he noticed Lu Han and Sehun gaping incredulously (and slightly horrified) over what seemed to be a swim suit for a woman, which was more string than anything else.

“What’d you find?” Baekhyun asked, and Chanyeol held up a pair of neon yellow shorts with palm trees printed on them.

“Ugh,” Baekhyun groaned, dropping his shorts to cover his eyes. “Those are truly, spectacularly hideous.”

Chanyeol laughed and back-hugged Baekhyun. “Doesn’t matter, they’ll get the job done. Anyway, if you’re not quick about choosing then you may end up swimming in your underwear.”

Baekhyun wrinkled his nose and kicked at the shorts. “Maybe I just won’t swim.”

Chanyeol knew him too well not to hear the change in his voice, and he stepped in front of Baekhyun, trying to look him in the eye. He had to bend his knees quite a bit.

“You okay, babe?”

Baekhyun’s heart swelled at the nickname—it was one they had discovered after coming to this world, it was all over the books and even on some billboards. He loved hearing it, he thought it sounded beautiful coming from Chanyeol’s lips. “I’m alright,” he said with a shrug. “Just not eager to swim.”

And he wasn’t the only one. Tao and Kyungsoo were also hesitant, and Kai too seemed to be apprehensive. To Baekhyun’s surprise, Chen seemed pretty excited.

“Get a swim suit anyway,” Kris advised, overhearing the conversation as he was walking by. He spoke a little louder, so everyone would hear. “Even if you don’t want to swim now, you may change your mind when we get to the ocean. Be prepared for anything!”

Suho called him over. “Is this sunscreen actually expired?”

Once Kris was gone, Baekhyun picked the shorts back up off the floor and shoved them at Chanyeol. “Put these somewhere I never have to see them again,” he demanded loftily. “I’ll find something else.”

But in the end, he never did.

They were going to a place called Silver beach, which Kris said if they were going to see the ocean for the first time—really, for the first time, that time when seven of them had sailed on the big cargo ship absolutely did not count—then it was probably the best place to go. It hadn’t been that far away, and Kris kept them going by showing them a travel book with pictures of the beach. It did look beautiful, with bright blue water and sparking white sand. Chen couldn’t stop talking about how excited he was, and one night when they stopped for a rest Kai finally got him to say why.

“I’m hoping it’ll rain at least once,” Chen admitted. “I’ve heard that storms near the ocean are amazing.”

Baekhyun felt a little sorry for Chen—his gift was so strong, and it was something nearly all of them were afraid of. It was kind of the one area where Chen had an advantage, and he so rarely got a chance to show it off. It turned out to be a longer walk than they had expected, but it was very much worth it.

* * *

“Do you smell that?” Kris asked on the eighth day since they had set out. Everyone stopped, and the dogs paused too, giving them all dirty looks.

“Smell what?” Lu Han croaked—it wasn’t that hot, but they had been walking under the sun for hours and they were all tired and thirsty.

“It’s the ocean,” Kris said, a smile on his face. “Go on, inhale.”

So they did, and for a second Baekhyun felt really stupid, but then he smelled it—it was sharp and heavy, but crisp at the same time. Water and salt, and something else Baekhyun couldn’t identify.

“Wow,” Tao cried. “Are we that close?”

Kris nodded. “If we go over that hill up there,” and he pointed ahead of them, “We should be able to see the ocean.”

Right away Tao took off running, screaming that he was going to see it first.

“NOT IF I TELEPORT THERE!” Kai roared, chasing after him, but everyone knew he wouldn’t dare.

After a brief hesitation, they all started to run. Even Baekhyun ran, clinging to Chanyeol’s hand the whole way. The dogs ran with them, barking like crazy and even howling, and Baekhyun laughed even though he was tired and hot and felt like he was about to collapse, but there was something about the moment that made him feel invigorated, like what was ahead would be worth it in the end, and it was. The ocean rose up over the hill, almost indistinguishable from the cloudless sky. Baekhyun looked away until he reached the top, and was glad that he did because seeing it all at once was amazing and it took his breath away.

“It’s beautiful,” he breathed, clinging to Chanyeol’s hand. Clear blue water, white sand, green trees—it was all so vibrant, and on this polluted world it was like paradise. Baekhyun was so wrapped up in his own mind he didn’t realize that Chanyeol was crying—it was Lay who noticed.

“Why are you crying?”

Baekhyun turned to say that he wasn’t, but then he realized who Lay was talking to. He smiled and reached up to wipe the tears off Chanyeol’s face. “It’s so beautiful, isn’t it?” Baekhyun asked gently, and Chanyeol managed a nod, his lips pressed together tightly. Then Baekhyun had to laugh, because Lay was crying too. In fact, almost everyone was crying, except himself, Kris and Suho. And the dogs, who were pacing back and forth in front of them.

“Come on guys,” Baekhyun said impatiently, tugging on Chanyeol’s arm. “Let’s go!”

They all charged at the beach, stopping just at the edge of the sand to once again drink in the sight of the ocean. It was unlike anything Baekhyun had ever seen before, even what he’d seen with Lay and Chen couldn’t possibly compare to this, the ocean on a calm day, a beautiful day. Baekhyun looked down at the sand, a brilliant white that nearly blinded him, and knelt to touch it.

“It’s so warm!” He cried, picking up a handful and letting it run through his fingers. “And it’s soft, too!”

Kris snapped out of his dazed intake of the scenery and sprang into action. “Sand gets everywhere, so I suggest you wear the sandals we found. Also try to wear sunglasses, the sun reflecting off the sand and water can damage your eyesight.”

“Not ours,” Kyungsoo reminded him, “We can heal right away.”

Kris hesitated. “I’d still rather we not have to take that chance. Anyway, the hotel we’ll be staying in is just over there—” and he pointed to a tall building overlooking the beach. “Do you guys want to go change, or hang out here for a while?”

Everyone was hesitant to actually step onto the beach, even though they really wanted to. The dogs were already scampering across the sand, barking at each other.

“Maybe we should change,” Xiumin suggested. “It’s hotter now than I think we expected, and we’re not dressed for the water.”

Baekhyun looked around. They were all wearing jeans and sneakers, and it was really hot, so they agreed to go change first. Daisy and Keen followed along slowly, as if they too didn’t want to leave the beach. But Baekhyun thought the hotel made up for it.

“Wow,” Suho cried as they walked in. “I can see why this place is called Shangri-la.”

“It’s almost too over the top,” Lu Han muttered, and Baekhyun almost wanted to agree. They were only in the lobby, they hadn’t even seen the rooms yet.

“Hey, check it out,” Chen called from the window. “There’s a pool!”

“Ew,” Kai said with a wrinkled nose. “It must be gross.”

Kris went to have a look. “They haven’t turned off the electricity here either,” he said, “And in a place like this, the central air and filtration systems must all have been converted to the self-maintenance kind like…a good twenty years before the decline really started. I’m sure we can clean up the pool, it’ll be nice to have for after the sun goes down.”

Next they had to decide where to sleep, and that was always a project. They had to make sure they knew where everyone was, so if they needed to find someone they wouldn’t wander around for hours on end, but at the same time they didn’t want to be on top of each other. Finally they chose to spread out over two floors about midway up the hotel—they weren’t too high, and they still had a great view. Some of the rooms faced the city, while others faced the beach. As far as Baekhyun knew, everyone wanted a room with a beach view. He and Chanyeol sure did.

“Okay!” Chanyeol cried as he and Baekhyun entered their new room—at the end of the hall (Chanyeol’s idea), with two beds and its own bathroom. Chanyeol rambled on and on about what they would need for the beach, while Baekhyun tested to make sure the toilet flushed and the shower had hot water. The toilet did flush, but something seemed to be wrong with the hot water. He would need to tell Kris.

“Baekhyun?”

“Yes?”

Chanyeol was in the door, already changed into his swim shorts and a t-shirt. He was wearing huge sunglasses that blocked most of his face. “Aren’t you changing?”

Baekhyun shook his head. “I didn’t bring a suit.”

“Oh, okay then. Well, at least put some shorts on, yeah?”

“Sure, why don’t you go on ahead?” Baekhyun said, grabbing a towel off the rack and throwing it at Chanyeol. “Take that with you, I’ll meet you at the beach.”

Chanyeol nodded and moved away from the doorway, but when Baekhyun walked out Chanyeol stepped right back in front of him.

“Hey—” Baekhyun cried, but Chanyeol cut him off with a kiss. Even though it caught Baekhyun totally by surprise, he reacted instantly. How could he not? He loved Chanyeol’s kisses—they were always warm and sweet, and Chanyeol always held him close when they kissed, his hands locked around Baekhyun’s waist like he couldn’t bear to let go.

When they finally pulled apart, Baekhyun almost asked Chanyeol to stay with him a little longer. Or a lot longer. It wasn’t often that they go to stay in a place that afforded them their own space, Baekhyun wanted to take advantage of it, but he also knew Chanyeol wanted to swim.

“Okay,” Baekhyun said with a smile, “That was great, but get going. I’ll see you down at the beach.”

Chanyeol kissed his cheek and told him to hurry up, and then he was out the door.

Baekhyun took his time going outside, collecting a massive amount of towels before he went because he figured that a few of the others wouldn’t have thought of it. on an empty world, it wasn’t hard to find them. Baekhyun could hear them from half a mile down the beach, and then there was the fact that Keen ran up to him and practically pushed him to where the others were.

“You goofy dog,” Baekhyun sighed fondly, patting Keen’s head. He looked out to the water—Tao, Chanyeol and Chen were actually swimming; Kyungsoo, Suho, Sehun and Lay were having a splash fight and Suho was (of course) winning; Kris was standing with Kai and Lu Han in the shallows, and Xiumin was sitting on the beach with Daisy. He waved as Baekhyun approached.

“Awesome, you brought towels!” He cheered, coming over to help Baekhyun carry them.

“The bottom one might be sweaty,” Baekhyun warned. “Man, it’s hot.”

“I know,” Xiumin nodded. “Well you can keep that towel, I’m gonna go get my feet wet. You want to come with me? Supposedly the water’s really warm.”

Baekhyun shook his head and plopped down on the beach. “I’ll stay here.” Someone, probably Kris, had set up an umbrella and there was something called a cooler sitting there. Baekhyun spread out a towel and opened the cooler—it even had ice!—and took out a soda. It should have been fizzy, but it had long gone flat. Even so, Baekhyun thought it was pretty good, and hot as he was anything cold was great.

Xiumin grinned at him. “Well, since you look comfy I’ll go on ahead.”

Baekhyun watched him run to the water. He wasn’t so far from the waves, close enough where he could hear most of what everyone was saying. They were all having a lot of fun, and Baekhyun smiled as he watched his friends (mostly Chanyeol) enjoy themselves. It was great to just be here, be together. The last time they’d gotten together like this and had fun had been Sehun and Lu Han’s wedding. Most of the time it felt like they were constantly moving onto the next big thing, and they could never stay too long to enjoy what it was. Baekhyun hoped they would stay here a while. It was nice, and he could definitely get used to it. Being here, it truly felt like there was some hope on this world.

Baekhyun laid down, took off his sunglasses and stared up at the umbrella. It was bright orange, an awful color, but with the sunlight filtering down it looked warm. Baekhyun held out his arm and smiled at how the odd light reflected off his skin, and considered playing around with the light on his own, but then he sensed someone coming towards him and sat up.

“Hey, babe,” Baekhyun called as Chanyeol ran up.

“Hey yourself. Are you too warm? Wanna come walk with me?”

Baekhyun considered it, then shook his head. “Nah, I’m okay, but thanks for asking.”

Chanyeol looked worried. “Are you sure? Do you want a cold, wet hug then?” and he held out his arms.

Baekhyun had to laugh. Chanyeol was soaked, water even clung to his eyelashes, and the white shirt he was wearing left nothing to imagination, even though Baekhyun didn’t have to imagine.

Chanyeol noticed the change in Baekhyun’s expression. “Ah, I saw that! Your filthy mind is loving this, isn’t it?” He asked, plucking at his shirt.

“You know it,” Baekhyun laughed, and he stood up and stepped into Chanyeol’s waiting arms. Baekhyun wrapped his own arms around Chanyeol’s neck and buried his face in his neck, inhaling deeply. Chanyeol smelled like salt and warmth, and it was a good fit for him. Baekhyun gently touched Chanyeol’s hair, sticky with sea water. He felt Chanyeol’s lips press against his temple and sighed, worming closer.

Chanyeol held on even tighter, lifting Baekhyun off his feet. Baekhyun yelped, half in surprise and half in absolute panic.

Chanyeol jumped and put Baekhyun down immediately. “Are you alright?” He asked, shocked.

Baekhyun’s heart was in his throat, and he desperately wished he had his sunglasses on so Chanyeol couldn’t see how panicked he was. “I’m fine,” he laughed, playing it off for the benefit of the other people he knew were listening—his shout had not gone unnoticed. “You just surprised me, that’s all. I thought you might have dropped me.”

Chanyeol didn’t look convinced, and before he could call Baekhyun out on his lie, Baekhyun hugged him again and whispered in his ear, “We’ll talk about it later.”

Everyone played in the water for a while longer, though Chanyeol sat with Baekhyun, an arm wrapped around his shoulder or waist as they shared sodas and wrote in the sand. When everyone was done with the water they all went back to the hotel for dinner. Food was always tough—they had to catch it, kill it, and cook it themselves. Luckily whenever they were near unpolluted water, they were almost guaranteed to find fish. Suho used his gift to determine how polluted the water was and determined it safe, and then he and Lu Han teamed up to catch fish. Lu Han would be able to sense where the fish were, and Suho would pull them up from the water. Chen fretted that they might pull up a shark (now, after he’d been in the water) but Kris assured him that the water was famous for being shark free. Sure enough, all Suho pulled out were crabs, clams and some shrimp.

“Awesome!” Kyungsoo cheered as he took in the sight of the haul. “We could eat half this stuff raw if we wanted to!”

“We definitely won’t starve here,” Suho agreed. “And if Kris and I can get a boat working, we can see if we can get some lobsters too.”

“Cool, I wanna try one of those!”

“We have to find a way to make butter, lobsters are supposed to be really good with butter…”

“We should go fishing too—like actual fishing, with a hook and line.”

“Yeah, and catch a shark? No thanks.”

Baekhyun let the conversation wash over him. While some went to the kitchen to start washing and cooking their meal, Baekhyun tugged Chanyeol upstairs to their room. Chanyeol said he’d like to go shower, and Baekhyun said they’d talk when he got out.

Baekhyun fell asleep on the bed near the window while he was waiting, and he woke up to Chanyeol’s arms around his waist and lips on his neck. Baekhyun blinked sleepily, trying to process what was going on. The sun wasn’t setting yet, but it was lower and it was in his eyes. He groaned and rolled over in Chanyeol’s arms, snuggling into his chest.

After a long moment of lying in each other’s arms, the silence was broken. “So,” Chanyeol began, “What were you scared of earlier?”

Baekhyun sighed, keeping his eyes on Chanyeol’s collar as he talked. “When you lifted me up…I thought you were going to carry me into the water.”

Chanyeol jumped and pulled away, looking scandalized. “I wouldn’t!”

“I know.”

“I mean, you didn’t want to go, I wouldn’t have made you!”

“I know,” Baekhyun repeated.

“You—wait, what?” Chanyeol stumbled, repeating the conversation in his head. “You…know?”

“I know you wouldn’t do that to me.”

“Then…you’re really that scared?”

Baekhyun nodded and hid his face in Chanyeol’s shirt. He had to figure that it was common knowledge among the twelve of them that he couldn’t swim, at all. While the oceans on their home planet weren’t as large as the ones on this world, and only Lu Han had been born near the sea, most people lived near rivers or lakes and all children were introduced to the water at a young age and learned, one way or another, how to swim. But Baekhyun was a baby when he was locked away, and he hadn’t been near any body of water until after he’d joined the Guardians. Small streams were fine with him, because they barely came up to his knees, but standing in front of the ocean earlier…Baekhyun didn’t think he could put even one toe in that water.

That was his secret—not that he couldn’t swim, but that he was _terrified_ of the water.

Chanyeol rubbed Baekhyun’s back almost absentmindedly, his thoughts elsewhere.

“Baekhyun?”

“Hmm?”

“Would you like me to…teach you to swim?”

Baekhyun shrugged. “Would you want to?”

“If course,” Chanyeol said softly. “If you want to learn, I will teach you.”

“I don’t even like water.”

“Then I’ll help you,” Chanyeol vowed, pulling back slightly and cradling Baekhyun’s face in his hands. “I’ll carry you in, and I’ll hold you and I won’t let you get hurt. You can trust me, you know that already. I won’t pressure you, but I will tell you that I’m here for you.”

Baekhyun looked Chanyeol in the eye, searching for hesitation. Chanyeol was so honest, there was no way he could hide anything, and Baekhyun did trust him…

“Can we try tomorrow?”

Chanyeol grinned and kissed Baekhyun’s forehead. “Of course.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original notes:  
> Originally I didn’t intend for this to be so Baekyeol focused, but one thing lead to another and now here we are (I do remember people asking for Baekyeol so here you go)! It was inspired by EXO’s trip to the beach in episode 6 of Showtime (why did they go in the winter? Just why?) and I want to have some group focus, so I think I’ll continue with this beach trip for a few chapters. I have promised fluff and this seems like the best way to give it to you. The next one will pick up where this left off in addition to showing more couple fluff in the future.
> 
> Also—the dogs are still alive. For those who need a refresher, Lay found Keen when they first arrived on the planet (he’s the dog from Beautiful teaser with Lay/Baekhyun/Chen) and Daisy is a basset hound that the group gave Sehun and Lu Han when they got married. My thinking is that the dogs hang around with EXO so much on this otherwise deserted world that the magic keeping the boys alive has rubbed off on the dogs and is keeping them alive (this also happens to Lay/Yixing’s kitten). I had planned to write a drabble in which Keen died, but then my dog passed away and…it was a complete surprise and really awful and even though it was a year ago already I won’t be killing any dogs any time soon.
> 
> Links:
> 
> http://www.chinahighlights.com/beihai/attraction/beihai-silver-beach.htm (Info on the beach)  
> http://www.visitourchina.com/city/3_days_beihai_beach_tour.htm (image cred)  
> http://www.shangri-la.com/beihai/shangrila/rooms-suites/ (Info on the hotel)  
> http://www.expedia.com/Beihai-Hotels-Shangri-La-Hotel-Beihai.h198406.Hotel-Information?chkin=01%2F08%2F2014&chkout=01%2F11%2F2014&rm1=a2& (More info on the hotel)
> 
> I’m officially titling these beach chapters after Jimmy Buffett songs. Why? Because this whole venture reminds of my past trips to Key West and Jimmy is HUGE down there so any time I think beach, I think Buffett. Plus my parents are big fans of his and I was raised on his music.


	57. Fins to the Left, Fins to the Right

Baekhyun stared at the pool in disbelief. When Chanyeol had offered to teach him to swim, he half thought that it wouldn’t happen. He absolutely refused to go in the ocean, and he thought that there was no way Chanyeol would be able to find a substitute. Clearly, he was wrong.

“How did you get it so clean so quickly?”

Chanyeol grinned at him. “When you said you wanted to swim, I went right to Kris and asked if he could help me figure out how to filter the pool. Remember when you were playing around with Chen and Kai? We snuck out here to figure out the filter. Suho came with us and he helped us fill the pool, and between the three of us it really didn’t take too much time.”

Baekhyun had to smile at Chanyeol’s enthusiasm, he’d asked Chanyeol to help him, and he’d be damned if all that work went to waste. “Okay, let's do this,” Baekhyun said, taking a deep breath. He felt kind of silly—he was dressed in the neon pink shorts and a horribly clashing blue shirt to keep his shoulders from burning, and he was sweating not because of the sun, but because of the water.

“We don’t have to do this,” Chanyeol said for the umpteenth time. “There’s no evidence that forcing yourself into a situation you’re afraid of helps at all with your fears.”

Baekhyun bristled even though he knew Chanyeol was just looking out for him. “I can take it,” he said defensively. “And I want to do this. Even if I don’t learn how to swim, I want to be able to go in the water and not freak out. I was a wreck on that…that boat…” his voice trailed off and he swallowed, feeling faint at the memory. “If we ever have to go on a boat again…I want to be able to survive in the water.”

“I do want you to be comfortable with at least putting your face in the water. Like you said, if something were to happen…panicking would only make the situation worse.”

Baekhyun marched to the edge of the pool. The water sparkled in the sun, and Baekhyun took a moment to focus on the light, hoping it would distract him from his fear. It was fascinating, how the light could reflect off the water in so many ways, depending on how the water moved. But the water also looked cold and uninviting, and Baekhyun found himself shivering.

“Um…can you…warm it up a little bit?”

“I can try, but I think by the time you get in it will be cold again.”

Baekhyun huffed. “Okay, forget it then.” There was a set of stairs leading into the water, and he put one foot on the first step, hesitating only briefly before stomping his other foot down as well.

“There,” Baekhyun said. “Easy.”

Chanyeol stood next to him. “Are you sure you want to start like this?” he asked. “I thought maybe you could sit on the edge and dangle your feet in for a few minutes.”

Baekhyun rolled his eyes. “I’m not a baby, I can handle these stairs—look,” and he went down onto the second step. The water now reached his knees. “See?” he said, but his voice came out higher than he would have liked, and he cleared his throat, willing his heart to stop pounding. “Totally easy.”

Chanyeol followed Baekhyun and put an arm around his shoulders. Baekhyun automatically leaned into him, thinking of Chanyeol as a pillar to hold him up if he fainted. But he wouldn’t faint, he wasn’t scared. At least, not scared enough to faint.

Chanyeol tapped him lightly. “Want to sit down?”

Baekhyun nodded and let Chanyeol support him on the way down. He sat on the first step and let his legs drift out in front of him, the water keeping them slightly buoyant. Chanyeol reached for his hand and Baekhyun clung on, trying not squeeze too tightly. The water was shallow on the first step and barely covered his thighs, and Baekhyun wrinkled his nose at the feeling of wet fabric against his skin. He imagined it would chafe and hurt after a while. He sighed, leaning his head on Chanyeol’s shoulder.

“Who the heck decided that getting wet for fun was a good idea?” He grumbled, and Chanyeol chuckled, leaning down to peck him lightly on the lips.

“You’re very cute, do you know that? Prickly and defensive, but that’s part of why I love you.”

“That’s just weird,” Baekhyun said, “Why would you like someone who’s basically a porcupine?”

Chanyeol laughed. “I think you’re more like a hedgehog,” he corrected, kissing Baekhyun again. “And for the record, hedgehogs can swim.”

Baekhyun lifted his feet to the surface of the water and splashed a bit. He held his hand over the water and bounced light off the surface, wondering if he could make it strong enough to be seen from space. But he figured that to do such a thing, he’d need a bigger body of water.

The longer they sat, the antsier Baekhyun became. He knew he was procrastinating, and he knew he wasn’t okay. Finally he sighed and decided that they might as well get the worst part over with.

“I think I should try to go in,” he said quietly, surprised by how steady his voice was.

“Do you want to walk in?”

Baekhyun shivered at the thought. “I don’t think I could,” he admitted. “Can you carry me in?”

Chanyeol hummed in agreement and stood up, walking down the rest of the steps. “Would it help if I swam around a little?”

Baekhyun shook his head and stood. “Let’s just get this over with.” He wrapped one arm behind Chanyeol’s neck and clung to the collar of his shirt with the other. He debated how best to pick up his legs (One at a time? Should he jump?) but before he could decide, Chanyeol placed his arm behind his knees and gently lifted him. Baekhyun gasped as his feet left the floor, and he tightened his grip on Chanyeol’s neck, squeezing his eyes shut. Chanyeol drew him closer, and the water rose to Baekhyun’s waist, soaking his shirt. Baekhyun shivered and whimpered, tucking his head against Chanyeol’s collar.

“Baekhyun?”

“What?!”

“I’ll put you back down if you want,” Chanyeol said gently, “If it’s too much, just tell me and I’ll bring you back.”

“If I want out,” Baekhyun mumbled, “Believe me, I’ll let you know.”

Chanyeol nodded, cradling Baekhyun closer. “I’ve got you,” he whispered, kissing Baekhyun’s forehead in an attempt to help him relax. It usually worked, but Baekhyun was too high strung at the moment.

Chanyeol took a step back, further into the water. Baekhyun shuddered as the water moved around him, taking a deep, shaky breath. Chanyeol had barely taken five steps when Baekhyun decided he’d had enough.

“Okay!” He screamed, digging his nails into Chanyeol’s collar, “Okay, that’s enough, put me down!”

Chanyeol lunged for the stairs, trying to set Baekhyun down gently, but Baekhyun practically leapt from his arms and scrambled out of the pool. In his haste he tripped over the first step and landed hard on the concrete.

Baekhyun stared blankly at the ground in front of him, feeling an awful burn on his shin. “Ow,” he whimpered, lowering his forehead to the ground. He didn’t stay down for long—Chanyeol was there in an instant, crooning softly as he turned Baekhyun over and gathered him to his chest.

“You’re okay, you’re okay,” Chanyeol whispered. Baekhyun burrowed into his chest, just realizing that he was shaking. Chanyeol rubbed his back. “You just scraped your leg on the edge of the pool.”

“Am I bleeding?”

“Only a little,” Chanyeol assured as he lifted Baekhyun up. He carried him over to the lounge chair he’d set up earlier and wrapped a towel around Baekhyun’s shoulders, taking a spare one and wetting it with water from a bottle. Baekhyun sat back in the chair, watching as Chanyeol cleaned the scrape on his leg. It was a shallow cut, but it would sting if he went into the water again—there were chemicals in it to keep it clean, there was little they could do to clear the chemicals out.

When Chanyeol finished cleaning the scrape he kissed the inside of Baekhyun’s knee, making him twitch and smile as it tickled. Chanyeol sat next to him and held his hand.

“You did well,” he praised, and Baekhyun snorted.

“I flipped out.”

“But you survived, you went into the water and you came out…mostly unharmed. But the scrape wasn’t because of the water,” he mused, “So I guess it doesn’t count?”

Baekhyun shrugged.

“Well anyway, we can stop if you want,” Chanyeol said, rubbing Baekhyun’s arm. “Want to go walk on the beach?”

Baekhyun thought about it, and then shook his head. “Can we sit on the stairs again?"

Chanyeol squeezed his hand and kissed his cheek. “Of course.”

* * *

Kris grinned fondly as Tao gasped, picking up another shell.

“It’s beautiful!” He cried, cradling it in his hands. “Look, Kris, Suho, isn’t it beautiful?”

Suho hummed in agreement, picking it up gently. It was about half the length of Tao’s little finger, a pure white shell that swirled to a tapered point.

“You really love these shells, don’t you?” Kris asked, holding out the plastic bag Tao was using to house his collection. He wasn’t sure when _he’d_ ended up with it, though.

“They’re the most beautiful,” Tao insisted, eyeing his collection. He pouted when Kris laughed. “Okay, they’re all beautiful, but these are my favorite.”

“What are you going to do with them?” Suho asked.

“I don’t know, but I’ll think of something!”

Suho watched him run off again with a frown. “He does know he can’t keep them all, right? I mean…we just can’t carry them.”

Kris looked down at the bag and bit his lip. It was only their second day here, and already Tao had another bag full of shells back at the hotel, and he was well on his way to filling this one too.

“Well I mean, he could just leave them here…” Kris mused. “It’s not like someone will steal them. And we’ll come back…later?”

Suho was already laughing. “Leave them here? Who are you talking about, again? And anyway, if we come back again he’ll only collect more.”

Kris swatted at Suho’s arm but quickly pulled him back again. “Alright, you’ve made your point. We’ll have to bring this up to the others too, I know Kyungsoo and Lay are going crazy with the shells.”

Tao ran back to give Kris some more shells and narrowed his eyes when he saw Kris and Suho with their arms wrapped around each other. “You two owe me cuddles later,” he sniffed. Then he leaned in and kissed Kris briefly before turning and kissing Suho as well. Kris had to laugh when he saw the surprised look on Suho’s face. It had been Suho’s idea for the three of them to try to make something work, but he always seemed shocked whenever Tao showed him affection. Kris wouldn’t have pictured Suho as the type to get flustered, due to what he had to put up with from his children, but whenever Tao kissed him Suho would turn the color of a sunset. Kris found it adorable, but confusing as well.

He nudged Suho to get his attention. “You have no problem when I take care of you, why do you get so flustered with Tao?”

Suho rubbed the back of his head sheepishly. “Ah, I guess it’s because I’m so used to you babying me.”

“Hey!” Kris protested, “I do not—” he cut himself off when Suho glared. “Okay, maybe a little…” Suho pulled Kris to a halt and crossed his arms, staring at Kris expectantly. “Alright, alright!” Kris sighed, “I baby you. But it’s just because you’re so freaking adorable and tiny…” and he wrapped his arms around Suho’s torso and heaved him up into a hug. Suho yelped, his feet kicking out at the air.

“Kris! I can’t fly, put me down!” He cried, but he was laughing. Kris lowered him back to the sand anyway, smiling when he saw that Suho was flushed again, grinning in that special way that lit up his eyes.

“Wow. I really love you,” Kris breathed.

Suho laughed, taking Kris’ hands and twining their fingers together. “I know. I love you too.”

They kissed briefly and turned to find Tao, intending to call him over, but he wasn’t looking at them. He was eyeing the foliage near the beach, looking a little apprehensive.

“Tao, what’s up?” Suho called, still wrapped around Kris. Tao didn’t answer and walked carefully towards the trees, only to stop dead after a few feet. “What is he doing?” Suho mumbled, just as Tao let out a piercing shriek and jumped back, running as fast as he could back to the two of them.

“What is it?” Kris gasped as Tao slammed into him, clinging to his arm. He nearly toppled Kris over with the force, his eyes still on the patch of trees.

“What—that—it’s—HUGE!” Tao screamed, pointing.

Suho looked positively baffled. “What happened? What did you see?”

Tao took a deep breath, and then he screamed again. “SPIDER!”

Kris whirled around to look, and saw something _huge_ come creeping out of the trees.

“HOLY FUCK!” Kris yelled, stumbling back. Suho yelped, clinging to Kris’ other arm. The creature was a good distance from them, but Kris had no idea how fast it could move or really what it was—but it did look a bit like a spider.

Tao was almost crying, his face pressed to Kris’ shoulder. “Oh mygod by the Tree it’shuge I can’t…somebody kill it, kill it!” He screamed, shaking Kris’ arm for emphasis.

“Ow, stop it!” Kris yelped, trying to shake Tao off—he was losing feeling in his arm. The thing was creeping slowly towards the water, and Kris was starting to have a sneaking suspicion as to what it was. “Alright I have done a lot of reading about what kinds of animals live on this planet and where, and I’m pretty sure I know what’s going on,” he assured, patting Tao’s head. “Now I’m going to go take a look at it, and you two are going to stay here, got it?”

Tao released Kris at once and rushed at Suho, crashing into him so hard they stumbled back a few feet. It was pretty funny, seeing Tao cling to Suho the way he was, when the top of Suho’s head only reached Tao’s chin.

“My brave boyfriends,” Kris mumbled, putting down the bag of shells and picking up a piece of driftwood. He walked up to the thing, and the closer he got the braver he felt. A few steps away he stopped, choking back laughter. He poked the creature (Tao yelped) and it scuttled backwards before freezing. Kris finally started to laugh.

“What?!” Tao cried. “Kris, what??”

Kris walked back, barely concealing his smirk. Tao slowly released Suho, looking tearful. Kris wanted so badly to laugh again, but knew better. He took a deep breath, collecting himself. “It’s not a spider, but I can see why you’d think that. It’s a crab, a coconut crab.”

Tao gaped at him. “B-but…it’s…we saw crabs…”

Kris nodded. “It’s bigger than the ones Suho caught last night, but it is a crab, an edible one too.”

“We can eat that thing?” Suho asked faintly. “Oh god…”

Tao couldn’t take it anymore—he burst into tears. Kris held out his arms and Tao practically burrowed into him, his knees shaking.

“It’s okay, baby,” Kris cooed, petting Tao’s hair. “I know it scared you.”

Tao whined and squeezed Kris even tighter. “It ran at me! I thought I was going to die!”

Kris rocked Tao slowly, rubbing his back. It really wasn’t funny, he could only imagine how monstrous that creature had looked to Tao, who’s nightmares involved tentacles of shadows grabbing at his legs. He hated bugs, but bugs (any creature really) with long legs really freaked him out.

Suho on the other hand was looking much braver. “How does one kill it?” he asked—more like growled. “I’m going to make it pay for scaring my Tao.”

“Our Tao,” Kris corrected, and Tao paused in his crying to laugh. “And if I remember correctly they can’t swim, so…”

Suho nodded grimly, shaking out his hands. “It will make a tasty dinner,” he decided. “Sweet revenge.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original notes:  
> I don’t actually know if coconut crabs live on Beihai beach but I am sooo beyond caring, I just spent two hours looking up what kind of shellfish are found along the coast of mainland China and this crab lives at least close to it!
> 
> This is what it looks like:http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Birgus_latro_(Bora-Bora).jpg
> 
> Nasty little bugger. And it’s about a foot long, three feet with its legs pulled out. You can see why Tao would be scared of it, and confuse it for a spider.  
> (PS the shell in the picture is the one Tao loves is called an Auger)


	58. Cheeseburger in Paradise Part 1

It was weird for Kyungsoo to walk across the beach and not feel like the sand was shivering under his feet, as if drawn to him like he was a magnet. He was still adjusting to the absence of his gift—he missed being able to construct tiny sculptures out of sand and rock, crushing the particles together to stand the test of time and be found at a later date. He missed being able to put his foot down and leave spider-webs of cracks in the ground. He missed being able to move the ground under Chanyeol’s feet and watch him flail around like a fish as he tripped. Suho couldn’t understand how Chanyeol had gotten so much more coordinated lately. But when Kyungsoo thought about the constant ache in his bones and the never ending nausea at every touch of his body against the ground…well, the absence of feeling was better than the pain.

Kyungsoo knew that this trip had partially been for him. They had wandered a long time to get to this particular beach, because it was supposed to be one of the better ones and according to the research Kai and Kris had done it was the least likely to have suffered the effects of pollution. There were no sharks for them to worry about, no volcanoes or earthquakes, it was just a peaceful spot to relax. And while they all needed time to just breathe, everyone knew Kyungsoo needed it the most. He could see it in the way they side-eyed him, the way their hands lingered on his shoulders and the back of his head. They felt bad for him, for what he had gone through. He had lost hope, and he wasn’t going to recover from it overnight. Kyungsoo was actually quite flattered. He wasn’t used to being the center of worry and attention—when they were kids it had been Chen, and then Kai and Tao, then a bit of Baekhyun, and after they crash landed on this planet it had been Sehun, Lu Han, and Kai who needed extra attention. Now it was Kyungsoo’s turn.

As much as he liked being with his brothers, he also needed a bit of breathing room. It was only the second day on the beach, but Kyungsoo was already only too happy to take an opportunity to slip away for a few minutes. It wasn’t like he was the only one. Tao, Kris and Suho had already wandered off, Baekhyun and Chanyeol were still at the pool, and nobody had seen Kai or Chen all morning. Kyungsoo really didn’t want to know what they were up to. Lay, Xiumin, Lu Han and Sehun were having fun in the ocean, and Kyungsoo wanted to go for a walk. He went off in the opposite direction that Kris, Suho and Tao had gone, and realized after a few minutes that he had a hitchhiker.

“Hello, Keen,” Kyungsoo cooed, beckoning the dog over. Keen came at once, licking Kyungsoo’s hand and recoiling when he tasted the salt water. Kyungsoo laughed at him, patting his head. “I didn’t tell you to lick my arm, silly.”

He’d forgotten his sunglasses, and he kind of regretted it. It was really bright out, he had to shield his eyes in order to see comfortably. He couldn’t even look at the sand for too long, which was a shame since that was where all the shells were. Kyungsoo hadn’t walked far when he came to a halt, Keen sitting next to him and giving him an expectant look.

Kyungsoo looked over his shoulder—he could hardly see the other four, and he couldn’t hear them. realizing it would be silly to go much further without his sunglasses, he walked to the water and waded in a little. It was hard to tell just how deep he was, with the waves coming in and washing out again. He eventually sat down close enough to the shore that he wouldn’t be drowned by a wave, but the water wouldn’t avoid him either.

It was amazing how empty and clean the beach was—even without his gift, Kyungsoo was still sensitive to the earth, especially when in a high-traffic area. He could tell that this was a place that had once been choked with people, the size of the hotel alone could attest to that. He couldn’t imagine this place with so many people though—a population that big, how did anyone enjoy the beach?

A wave came up, splashing Kyungsoo’s chest with warm water. Keen, who had been creeping closer, yelped and leapt back, Kyungsoo could hear him shaking off and laughed again.

“You got three drops of water on your fur!” He cried, turning around to watch Keen prance away from the water. “You big baby.”

Kyungsoo shook his head, turning back to the water. He looked down at his legs, stretching them out and watching little rays of light flutter over his skin and across the sand. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, letting the sound of the waves and the feel of the warm, soft sand consume him. He hadn’t meditated since his gift had been suppressed, but it was easy to fall back into the calm, semi asleep state.

Memories came back to him, things he hadn’t thought about in a long time. How he felt meeting everyone for the first time, the tricks he and the others would play on Suho, the evenings spent curled up under Kris’ wing, struggling to keep his eyes open while Suho read to them. Eventually the memories grew more abstract. Sunlight on a piece of paper in the classroom, the sound of a cricket late at night, the feeling of clean sheets under bare feet, someone holding his hand and pulling him along…

Then they weren’t memories that he was seeing. He saw the sun and the water, and he heard a thousand voices whispering in the distance. He heard laughter, singing in languages he didn’t understand, he saw dozens of strange animals frolicking in the sea, scuttling across the sand. He saw sunsets and rain storms, lightning that would make Chen awed, and then he heard silence and saw a bright light, from which twelve figures slowly materialized. He couldn’t see their faces, but he knew that they were boys—unfamiliar boys. Or, eleven of them were. But one…there was one that Kyungsoo couldn’t read.

The meditation was interrupted as Kyungsoo attempted to latch onto the vision—that was his mistake. If he focused too much, he would be snapped out of his daze.

Kyungsoo slowly opened his eyes. He hadn’t been meditating for long, but he felt very refreshed. Confused, but also in a good mood. He stood up and stretched, rolling his shoulders and neck.

“I should do that more often.” He beckoned Keen. “Come on, let’s go back to the others.”

Kyungsoo mulled over his visions as he walked back. When he was a child, meditations meant replaying the events of the day over and over in his head until he drifted into a daze, thinking about how his actions had affected others. As he got older—as they all got older—meditation became important in keeping old memories fresh. They couldn’t really forget things, but memories could be shoved away and left to gather dust as they collected more and more moments. Sometimes, through meditation, they’d be able to connect with their gifts. Kris would be able to see from the eyes of passing birds, Chen would be able to sense storms, Tao would feel the passage of time, and Kyungsoo would be able to feel the imprints of past visitors to whatever land he happened to be on. And very, very rarely, they might be able to get a glimpse of the future.

With jolt, Kyungsoo realized what he had seen—his Generation of Guardians was the ninth, and the tenth would be all girls. The twelve boys he had seen weren’t any past Guardians he knew of, so he must have gotten a look at the eleventh Generation! But what of the twelfth boy—the one Kyungsoo hadn’t been able to get a read on?

Kyungsoo stopped dead. Was it possible that in the future…generations could be mix gendered? But such a thing had never happened before…

‘ _Neither before has a Generation left their home planet,_ ’ a voice whispered in the back of Kyungsoo’s head.

Kyungsoo shook his head and slapped his cheeks. “Don’t think about it,” he murmured to himself. “Log it away and ask the Tree later.” And with that he continued on, resolutely focusing on how refreshed he felt.

* * *

Xiumin had seen a lot in his life and it was hard to surprise him, but he had to say that the thing Suho was holding up in his sphere of water was surprising indeed.

“What in the name of the Tree is _that?”_

Suho looked grim, his brows furrowed and his lips thin. “According to Kris it’s a crab, and we can eat it.”

“It looks like a spider,” Sehun muttered, scooting away from it.

“That’s what Tao thought,” Suho said, looking over his shoulder. Xiumin looked too, and saw Tao huddled into Kris’ side, the two of them walking much slower than Suho had been.

“Anyway,” Suho went on, “Kris also said that it drowns in water, but so far it’s still alive, so I don’t know if I trust his word!” He turned his head to yell the last bit and Xiumin coughed to hide a laugh—clearly Suho had been miffed about the still living crab for a while now.

“It’ll drown eventually!” Kris hollered back.

Suho rolled his eyes and turned back to the other five. “Anyway, we need to kill this crab. It scared the heck out of Tao, and it will make a nice snack for us to have before we go out fishing.”

Sehun narrowed his eyes. “Since when did fishing become a thing?”

“We need food, Sehun-ah. It’s only day two and you guys have already eaten everything we caught yesterday.”

“It made 24 meals,” Lay pointed out. “Give us a break, it’s not like we ate a whole lot on the way here.”

“And anyway,” Suho breezed on, “We want to go further out so we can hopefully get some more variety in our food.”

“Do we have a boat?” Lu Han asked.

Suho nodded. “There’s a sail boat nearby, and the sails are in good shape. If we work together, we’ll be able to steer it well enough.”

Sehun scoffed. “You mean as long as I keep up a breeze for the sails.”

“So you’ll do it?” Suho asked hopefully.

“I’ll do it if you get that creepy little spider-crab out of my face.”

Suho beamed. “Okay, I’ll go take this thing to the kitchen. Somebody go find Chen and Kai please, this is going to be a family activity.”

“NOT IT!” Lu Han screamed, leaping to his feet and running back to the water.

Xiumin sighed. “I’ll go get them, jeez.”

* * *

Chen collapsed on top of Kai’s back, struggling to catch his breath. Kai’s chest was heaving, and he groaned under Chen’s weight.

“Ugh…I can’t breathe…”

Chen laughed but rolled off of him, snuggling up to his side. “You can’t breathe because I wore you out,” he bragged, but it was ruined because _he_ was out of breath too. Kai didn’t seem to notice though, and Chen laid his head down on the bed, shutting his eyes for a few minutes. He and Kai had fallen into bed shortly after Kai had come back from helping Kris with the pool. Well…first Kai had come back to find Chen sitting in the middle of the bed in his underwear, arms wrapped self-consciously around his shoulders. Chen hadn’t been so self-conscious when Kai immediately yanked off his own shirt and tackled Chen to the mattress, kissing him like they hadn’t seen each other in years. For all the time that the two of them had spent in the bed, they hadn’t gotten much sleep.

After a few minutes Chen rolled onto his back, staring up at the ceiling. He debated finding a mirror so he could assess the damage—Kai had to have left at least five hickeys on his neck alone—but he didn’t know if his legs could support his weight. Chen threw his arms over his head and arched his back, whining as he stretched out his sore muscles and groaning when his joints popped. He sighed as he relaxed out of the stretch, only to gasp and tense up again when Kai suddenly leaned over and kissed him again.

Chen’s stomach swopped and his toes curled as Kai licked into his mouth, curling his tongue behind his teeth. When Kai pulled back it was as if Chen had never caught his breath to begin with.

“You’re insatiable,” Chen gasped as Kai mouthed at his jaw, teeth scraping the sharp angles of his bones.

“So are you,” Kai mumbled, trailing down to his neck. “You’re all hot for me, aren’t you?”

Chen couldn’t even deny it. “Did you slip something in my food?"

Kai was busy with Chen’s collar bones, but he pulled himself up long enough to answer. “No, we just haven’t been together like this in a long time.”

“Since the mall, I’m still not sure I’ve forgiven you for that, by the way,” the last part came out higher than he intended as Kai inched his way down Chen’s chest. Chen groaned and tangled his fingers in Kai’s hair He was debating if he should push Kai off so they could sleep or keep him right where he was, when there was a knock on the door.

“Hey you animals!” Xiumin yelled through the door. “Get dressed, Suho has food and then he wants us to go fishing!”

Kai was sucking another mark onto Chen’s stomach, and Chen couldn’t help but be annoyed at Suho’s timing. “Now?!” He cried, biting his lip as Kai bit him.

“Soon!” Xiumin yelled back. “So just…hurry up or something!” And then there were footsteps hurrying away.

Kai pulled himself off Chen’s stomach and grinned up at him. “Should we go shower, then?” He asked innocently.

Chen tightened his grip on Kai’s hair. “Finish what you started,” he growled, shoving Kai back down even as he started to laugh.

* * *

Tao felt more than a little silly—in his defense, he’d never seen a real crab before coming to this place. He’d spent eight years locked up in a hospital and then jumped right into finding his friends, he hadn’t exactly had time to look at food. Kris kept telling him it was okay, he didn’t have to be embarrassed, it was a pretty monstrous crab, and even Sehun was afraid of it (Chen wasn’t allowed into the kitchen until after the thing was cooked and dismembered), but Tao still blushed when he thought about how he’d actually cried.

Kyungsoo and Suho were in the kitchen, cooking the crab in one of the huge pots, and everyone else had gathered in the dining room. Kai and Chen had just come downstairs, looking rumpled and sleepy, and it didn’t take a genius to figure out what they had been up to. Tao was a little more than jealous. He, Kris and Suho had yet to do…much.

Kris rubbed Tao’s arm, pulling him out of his thoughts. “Are you feeling better?”

Tao nodded, keeping his eyes on the floor. “’M alright.”

Baekhyun sat down on Tao’s other side, grinning at him. “Cheer up, kiddo! You did find us some dinner, after all.”

“Lunch,” Kai corrected. “It’s lunch time.”

Lu Han raised his hand. “Is this crab really big enough to feed all of us? You saw how much we ate the other day.”

“We have a little fish left over from yesterday,” Kris assured, “Everyone will get a plate and then we’ll all go out fishing.”

Kai snorted, bringing everyone’s eyes his way. Chen was perched on his lap, and again Tao felt a flash of jealousy. “You guys are crazy if you think we can catch anything really impressive today. All the good fish live further out in the sea, and that boat Suho found isn’t bad but it’ll need to be looked over more thoroughly before we take it out into the deep sea.”

“There are some shallow water fish we can catch,” Kris insisted.

“But do we really all need to be there for it?” Kai pressed. “It’ll mostly be Suho and Lu Han doing the fishing, we don’t have rods.”

“We can get rods.”

“From where?” Lay asked.

“Have you seen where we are?” Suho called, and everyone turned to look at him. He and Kyungsoo each balanced six plates on large platters and carried them over to the table that the other ten were sitting at. “We’re in a fishing town, I’m sure we can find some fishing rods.”

“But will they have stood the test of time?” Kai asked. “A strong fish could easily snap the rod.”

Suho sighed. “If the rod can withstand a fish of that size, I think it can stand to sit unused for a few years. Have some faith in the people of this world, Kai! I’m starting to think you just don’t want to go fishing.”

“Gee, I wonder why,” Kai mumbled, tightening his grip on Chen’s waist.

Suho must have heard him, but his only response was to wrap Kai up in a tight hug and plant an enthusiastic kiss on his cheek as he walked past Kai’s chair. Kai predictably yelped and squirmed and wiped his cheek off when Suho let him go.

“So,” Kyungsoo said brightly, directing everyone’s attention to the plates being passed around, “The stuff in the middle is the coconut crab, and the stuff along the edges is left overs, and the greens are some wild onions that I dug up while we were waiting for the crab to cook.”

Baekhyun poked at the crab meat suspiciously. He had what seemed to have been a leg at one point. “Is this sanitary?”

“It was boiled in hot water,” Kyungsoo said, rolling his eyes. “And we washed it thoroughly before hand, it’s fine.”

“Okay,” Tao said loudly, picking up a fork, “On the count of three, we are all going to eat the thing that nearly gave me a heart attack, agreed?”

Around the table, everyone pulled their plates closer and picked up their utensils. Tao counted them off.

“One, two, three.”

For a few seconds there was just the sound of twelve boys chewing.

“It’s not bad,” Xiumin said, picking up another piece.

Kris hummed in agreement. “It’s not the most flavorful thing, but it’s pretty good.”

Everyone nodded in agreement, and all too soon they were done eating.

“So,” Suho said, “Shall we go to the boat now?”

Kai looked ready to protest, but Chen tugged on his arm. “Come on Kai, let’s just go along, it could be fun.”

Kai hesitated for a second and then sighed. “Okay, okay. Let’s go.”

Suho looked delighted—it was adorable. “Okay, let’s go get the cooler and we can go!”

“Cooler?” Lay echoed. “Cooler…what is that?”

“It’s a big container that you fill with ice and it keeps food cold,” Suho answered, leading them all into the kitchen. “I found three in this kitchen and washed them out, and they look to be in pretty good shape. They’ll hold whatever we catch until we can get back here.”

While Xiumin filled the coolers with ice, Chen and Lu Han leashed up the dogs and Kris packed a bag with a few water bottles. They wouldn’t be gone long, but they would be out in the sun and he wanted to make sure they all stayed hydrated. Then they all made their way down to the shore where the boat was docked.

“So, how’d you find this boat?” Lu Han asked.

“There’s boats all over,” Suho answered. “It’s just that this one was in the best shape. It was in a private holding area with a roof and really good walls, so it wasn’t that violated by all the elements.”

“I say again,” Kai called, “There’s no way it’s that good. These things on this world, they can’t withstand everything. We’ll have to stay close to shore.”

“We’ll still get a lot of good fish,” Suho countered.

“But we need _big_ fish,” Kai emphasized. “I’ve seen books that talk about fish, and there’s huge ones that can be as big as a person! We need those fish, and lots of them, especially if we want to stay here long term.”

There was a silence, and Kai looked around in surprise. “What?” He asked. “Don’t tell me you guys didn’t think about it.”

“I mean…we’re pretty far from the Tree,” Chanyeol mumbled.

“I didn’t say we had to stay forever, but we can stay for a while. Weeks, maybe. And it’s not going to be fun if we have to keep going out to sea every day to catch our food.”

“We can always eat chicken too,” Baekhyun pointed out, and everyone laughed. No matter where they found themselves, there seemed to be an abundance of chickens. They couldn’t figure out what had made them so immune to the bad conditions of the land, but they appreciated the easy food. Chickens were really dumb and easy to catch.

“Okay,” Kai conceded, “But we can always have chicken. How often are we going to be able to eat fish? That’s what’s best about coming to the water, getting easy access to new food. And what if it rains for a few days and we don’t want to go out? Wouldn’t it be great if we could have a fish as big as Kris or Chanyeol stored in one of the freezers, so we have food on hand?”

Kris was beginning to see his point, and he wasn’t the only one.

“Well,” Kris began, “I mean…we could definitely try it. We’ll need to plan though—we’d probably be gone an entire day, maybe even stay out for the night, so we’ll need a bigger boat. And we’ll need food and water, for us and the dogs…”

“We’ll need a bigger cooler,” Suho joked.

“We’ll need a fishing rod or a net or something of that sort,” Sehun threw in.

“We’ll need bait!” Kyungsoo added.

“It’s a lot to think about,” Lu Han said, “And we can talk about it more when we’re done with this fishing trip. For now, let’s think about what we’re looking for, yeah?”

“I have a list,” Kris said, but before he could say much more, Suho stopped and pointed.

“Look, there’s our boat!”

Everyone turned to look. Suho had managed to get the boat out of its storehouse and had tied it off on a long dock, where it stood waiting for them.

“Wow,” Baekhyun said, “That’s really cool.”

For an older boat, it was in remarkably good condition. It was pretty big, they wouldn’t have a lot of elbow room but they would be able to fit everyone on board. They secured the coolers with ropes and put the dogs in the small crawl-space under the nose of the boat. Xiumin was in charge of the rudder, Sehun stood at the very back of the boat and kept wind in the sails, and Suho helped by controlling the currents. Lu Han stood at the tip of the boat, using his gift to scan the water for fish.

“So anyway,” Kris said, pulling his list out of his pocket. “If we stay close to shore, we’ll probably find white shrimp, blue crabs, bass, mackerel and sweetfish. They’re all pretty small, and of course the crabs and shrimp will be closer to the bottom. We might find mantis shrimp, and we’ll have to be careful of those things because they’re really aggressive and have claws.”

“Lovely,” Chen said dryly. “So our dinner can fight back.”

“You know I can’t sense things that are way out there, right?” Lu Han called out. “I’m only good for maybe 20 meters.”

“That’s fine,” Suho called back, “Just let me know when you get something.”

They stayed close to the shore, keeping the beach well within sight. They cruised along at a nice pace, not too fast or too slow, and the eight who were not actively fishing sat scattered around the boat, careful to avoid the ‘boom.’

“Why’s it called a boom?” Lay asked, following the low beam as it swayed with the sails.

It was Kris who answered. “Because if you’re not careful, it’ll go ‘BOOM’ and crack you on the head.”

Everyone winced and inched further away from it while Kris laughed.

After a while Lu Han called that they seemed to be in a busy area, and Kai leaned over to let down the anchor. While they waited for the fish to settle and get used to the presence of the boat, they all took the chance to look around themselves.

“This is truly beautiful,” Lu Han sighed, sitting down on the very tip of the boat. “You know, I don’t think I’d mind spending more time sailing.”

“Me either,” Baekhyun piped up. “This is so much different from the last time we were on a boat…it’s so relaxing.”

“And can you imagine watching the sun set from the sea?” Tao asked, “It must be gorgeous.”

Everyone had to agree to that, and they all sighed wistfully in unison.

“So, I guess we’re going on a fishing trip then?” Suho asked.

Lu Han suddenly jumped up. “Think about that later, I think we’ve got a bunch of shrimp under our boat!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original notes:  
> Picture Lay saying “Cooler” the same way he says “Cheeseball.” (Just so you know, I'm obsessed with EXO's Showtime, it's really the highlight of my week.)
> 
> Also eh I may end up posting a little rated OT3 action in this arc. It needs to happen. Every other couple has had their moment, it’s OT3’s turn (Kai/Chen getting naughty in this chapter…they’re really insatiable).
> 
> New Notes:  
> Originally I was going to pair Kyungsoo with someone from the eleventh generation of Guardians, now I'm not sure that story will ever happen.


	59. Cheeseburger in Paradise Part 2

They spent about three hours cruising along the shoreline before they managed to entirely fill one cooler and get the second one to the halfway mark, at which point they all decided that it was time to go home and cook their catch. They had a few books on hand that talked about how to cook fish—or not cook it—the only problem was that they didn’t have a lot of fixings that the book talked about.

“What is soy sauce?” Suho wondered, perusing the book.

Sehun looked over Suho’s shoulder and wrinkled his nose. "I don't know, it looks gross."

“We should try to make some of this stuff though,” Suho went on. “It would be interesting to really taste what kinds of food these people ate.”

“Food is food,” Kyungsoo said—he was at the stove, frying some of the shrimp. “These things better taste good,” he grumbled. “For all the time we spent cleaning and peeling them.”

Baekhyun nodded—he was at Kyungsoo’s side, boiling some of the shrimp. The good thing about staying in a hotel which had once housed so many people was that the kitchen was huge! There were so many stoves that they could cook everything at once, and huge refrigerators and freezers that could hold what they didn’t eat. They’d caught plenty of shrimp as well as a few dozen bass and mackerel. They found five blue crabs, fourteen mantis shrimp, and three of what Kris said were mitten crabs, which were covered in what seemed to be hair but was apparently not.

“These creatures are weird,” Kai said as he tossed the mitten crabs into a pot. He and Lu Han were on crab duty.

“But supposedly delicious,” Suho added distractedly. They were leaving some of the shrimp and mackerel raw for sushi—nigiri sushi, which was supposed to be eaten with rice and some kinds of sauce. They had some rice cooking on the stove—it kept surprisingly well in supermarkets, but the sauces were things they’d have to go without.

Suho had eaten raw fish before—he’d come from a fishing village after all, and he’d learned how to slice and dice fish almost before he’d learned how to walk, and sometimes for the sake of convenience (especially when there were five other children in the house) the fish would be served raw. He was curious to see how this fish held up. Deciding that he had chef’s privilege, he picked up a piece of the mackerel and popped it in his mouth. At once a wave of nostalgia hit him so hard he had to fight to hold back tears. He hadn’t eaten fish like this in a long time.

“Suho?” Lu Han murmured, gently touching Suho’s arm, “Are you okay?”

Suho quickly gathered himself and swallowed the fish, taking a deep breath. “Yeah, just…you know, it’s really familiar.”

Lu Han gave him an understanding smile. “I know, I really do.”

The sun had set by the time all the fish was ready to be served. While Suho, Lu Han, Xiumin, Kyungsoo, Sehun, Baekhyun and Kai had been cooking the fish and rice, the other boys had gone looking for wild vegetables or fruits to give the meal some variety, and when they all met in the dining room it was the first time the two groups got a look at what the other had done.

“Wow,” Suho gasped when he saw the dining room. “You guys were busy!”

They had rearranged the tables, pushing three together instead of two so that everyone could have elbow room, and they’d set it with a red tablecloth and plates, cutlery and glasses.

Chen shrugged, “Well, Kris decided that we needed to stop eating like heathens and have a proper dinner, I guess it looks nice.”

Kris directed those with hot pots and pans to put their load down on blocks of wood and stone—hot plates, he called them. “We didn’t find a whole lot in the way of vegetables, but we do have coconuts and wild onions.”

“Coconuts, like that crab we ate yesterday?” Baekhyun asked, looking around.

“No, this is a coconut,” Kris explained, holding up something that looked like a hairy rock. “It’s full of sweet water, and there’s a lining of ‘meat’ inside of it that we can eat. I cracked a few open and poured out the water, come see…”

“It’s good,” Chanyeol added. “We tried some already. Sehun should like it, he likes sweet things.”

Once everything was set out, everyone took their seats. Before they even reached for the food, everyone just froze and stared at each other for a second.

“Déjà vu,” Kai muttered.

Suho was flashing back to that nostalgic feeling. “When’s the last time we really ate together at a table?” He wondered. It had been a while, for a half second it was as if nobody knew quite what to do.

It was Kyungsoo who broke the silence. “The food that is actually cooked is getting cold,” he blurted, grabbing a pair of tongs. “Alright, supposedly this mitten crab is supposed to be really good, so we’ll all try that first.”

All the food had been laid out evenly, so everyone got a taste of the crab. After trying it, they could only say one thing.

“Okay we have got to get more of these,” Tao said through a mouthful.

Next they tried the mantis shrimp (“These little bastards were so hard to kill,” Kyungsoo glowered). Since there were fourteen they had put two in a freezer for later and halved the other twelve so that everyone could try it raw and boiled. They were divided on which tasted better but they all agreed that it tasted good, and so they tried the white shrimp next.

“Wow,” Kai and Chanyeol said at the same time, a sentiment everyone echoed.

“Guys,” Kai cried, “How did we survive before shrimp?”

“Chicken,” Lu Han laughed, and everyone laughed with him.

“It’s really not bad raw,” Kris added. “I didn’t know how it would be but it’s good.”

“We should make butter,” Suho announced, “It’s supposed to be good with butter.”

“I thought that was lobster?” Lay asked.

“Well that too…”

And the meal continued on, everyone talking through mouthfuls of fish and coconut (which they all agreed was delicious and Sehun vowed to never be without ever again). They had soda too—Kris said they needed to find something that could carbonate it, he knew such things existed, because all they’d ever had was flat soda. But even that couldn’t distract from how nice it was to just be together. When the last bit of food had been eaten, nobody wanted to get up.

“This was nice,” Tao sighed, his head on Suho’s shoulder. “We should do this more often.”

Everyone nodded in agreement.

“We can once we get more fish,” Kai said. “We should have enough leftover mackerel and bass for a meal tomorrow, and we can have chicken for another, but we really need to consider a deep sea fishing trip.”

“I want to try tuna,” Lay piped up. “I heard it’s really good.”

“Too good,” Kris added, “The previous occupants of this world almost fished the Bluefin tuna into extinction.”

“Do you think it’s still around?” Suho asked.

“After today, I wouldn’t be surprised,” Kris said. “We caught a lot of fish considering the wretched state of this planet. I thought we’d have a harder time.”

“Is this the Tree at work?” Kyungsoo wondered, “Or maybe things were already better over here?”

“That could be,” Xiumin mused. “I mean, it has been a long time since everyone stopped caring. I don’t think these people were really doing that much fishing when their planet was collapsing. It seemed to me like everyone went insular, you know?”

“You mean like, they all looked out for themselves?” Chen asked. “Instead of working to get food for other people?”

“Basically.”

There was a brief silence. “Well,” Kris said, “I guess we’ll find out. I’m all for deep sea fishing.”

After everyone else had agreed to give it a try, they decided they would start the search for an appropriate boat first thing in the morning.

* * *

When they were preparing to come to Earth, everyone had a different job to do. Kris learned about electricity and technology, Chen studied geography, Kai studied medical texts so they could be prepared for emergencies, and so on. They couldn’t prepare for everything, especially because their knowledge was so limited, and their home planet only had information based on what they had learned from spying and the little contact they’d had with past inhabitants. So it was a good thing that Suho had grown up in a fishing village and knew what a good boat looked like, because the books had never talked about boats like this.

“I’m amazed that thing could float,” he mumbled, shaking his head at an oversized craft. He’d taken a car and drove along the sand for a while, finally coming to a stop at a dock about a mile away. There was a covered hut which looked like the one he’s found the first boat in, so he took a chance and decided to explore. The hut was completely sealed off and closed with a lock, which Suho thought was promising—it meant the boats inside couldn’t have been vandalized. He formed a jet of water with his hand and sent it at the side door, splintering it apart. Once he got inside, his jaw dropped.

“By the Tree,” he yelped, stumbling back. “They’re huge!!”

Inside there were a few boats tied up, with wide decks and what seemed to be two floors. They actually seemed to be in very good condition, but Suho had never seen a boat that big—or that white—in his life! He ran into the room, feeling almost giddy. He latched onto the first boat he saw, running his hands over it. He knocked on the frame, inspected what he could see for cracks or damage and found none. He clambered over the railing of the boat and found himself on a narrow walkway. The majority of the lower deck was enclosed but surrounded by windows, and when Suho peeked through the windows he didn’t see any water damage, so he made his way around to walk into the enclosed space.

The sides were lined with cushioned seats, and at the back there was a space that looked like it had been used to store food and drink. There was a door marked with a sign he had come to recognize for a bathroom, and in the center there was a large railed off space. Suho approached the railing and gasped again when he saw that the bottom of the boat was missing!

“Where’s the floor?” He cried, before his brain caught up with him. If the boat was still floating, then the bottom had to be in place—it was just see-through. Suho reached his hand between the bars and pressed down on the bottom. “Oh, it’s glass,” he laughed. “Well, that’s pretty cool.”

He then went up the stairs and to the upper deck—this was pretty open, without seating and only a small covering where the steering system was kept. Suho thought it would be pleasant to sit up there and enjoy the breeze, and it looked sound. He wasn’t so sure about the steering system and he couldn’t see the motor, but that was more Kris’ area of expertise anyway. Still, he figure this was a good boat to try with, and he happily exited the space and got back in the car to drive back to where the others were.

* * *

Lu Han had found some fishing rods in town and declared them to be satisfactory, as well as some fishing line and hooks. Part of the reason the rods were good was because they were still wrapped in their packaging, and he spent the day putting them together and stringing the line through the hooks, following along with pictures in the booklet of instructions (very carefully, as the book looked ready to fall apart). Suho drove Kris and Chen to the boat house and showed them what he had found. Chen was along to help them charge the battery in the motor—or to see if he possibly could.

They both gasped when they saw what Suho had found.

“It’s a tourist boat,” Kris breathed. “I heard about these kinds of things—people would take them out for weekends and things.”

“How do they operate?” Suho asked excitedly.

“Most have generators,” Kris explained as the boarded the boat Suho had gone on. There was a brief pause while he and Chen checked out the glass bottom, and then he continued, “This was probably used to tour the reef or something.” He led the way to the top of the boat to the steering system (“It’s called a cockpit,” he said) and said that it looked to be in good condition, grinning triumphantly when he saw the keys were in the ignition. But when he tried to start the boat, there was a horrible grinding sound and then nothing.

“No problem,” he said easily. “This is where you come in, Chen. Suho, stay here and turn that key when I tell you to.”

Chen followed along nervously—he could charge batteries up to a certain point, but recently when he’d tried to charge a phone he’d made it explode.

“Most boats like this started using their own generators towards the end,” Kris told him as they went back downstairs. “Obviously not as big as the one at the hotel, but I think you could get it to work again with no problem.”

“What if I blow it up?”

“I doubt that you will.”

The generator was located at the back of the boat with the rudder, Kris had to pull up part of the boat to expose it—Chen was nervous to see the boat coming apart, but Kris assured him it was okay.

“Just go easy,” he warned.

So Chen took a deep breath and allowed electricity to flow through his fingers. He pushed his hands together, watching sparks fly from his palms, and then he pressed his hands down until the touched the generator, feeling a jolt go through his body and exit through his palms. He pulled back just as quickly, nervous for a second, but nothing happened.

Chen sighed in relief that he hadn’t blown the boat up and Kris turned towards the cockpit. “Start it up, Suho!”

There was a second of silence, and then the engine revved to life. Kris grinned at Chen proudly. “We have a boat.”

* * *

They had a boat and fishing rods, but they had to wait another day to go fishing—by the time they got everything together, it was too late to go out and fish. But they went to bed determined to wake up early the next day. They packed bags with clothing, swimwear and fresh water, they cooked up some chicken and packed it away in an ice-filled cooler along with some coconuts and bait—smaller fish that Lu Han had caught while fishing off the dock. Baekhyun had the brilliant idea to cut up a section of grass from the ground and bring it along so the dogs could have a place to go to the bathroom. They woke up before sunrise the next day and loaded everything into the car. Kris drove it along the beach slowly while everyone walked alongside—or ten people walked alongside, Tao sat in the back (they had left the trunk open to make room for the fishing rods) with his feet dangling out and his arms wrapped around the dogs.

“Somebody should make sure they don’t jump,” he laughed when Sehun glared at him. “Not my fault you didn’t think of it.”

It wasn’t long before they were at the boat house/hut thing, and they quickly loaded everything onboard. The glass floor was a hit with everyone, and they all couldn’t wait to actually get the boat out and find out how far down they could see. Once they had everything on board, Suho stood at the front of the boat and sent a wave of water at the huge front doors of the boat house, splintering them open. Kris started the engine and between him, Xiumin and Suho, they managed to steer safely out of the house. By that time the sun had risen, and they all caught their breath as they took in the beautiful sky.

“Wow,” Kris breathed. “It’s beautiful.” But then he glared at the steering system. “I’m not sure if it was worth that stress though.”

Xiumin giggled and ruffled his hair. “Don’t worry about it, we’re in the open water now, there’s nothing to run into.”

It took Kris a minute to recover from the display of affection, but when he did he reminded Xiumin that there were reefs out there in the shallows, and pointed to the radar system. “Just keep an eye on that, and if you see any little blips they’re probably fish.”

“We’ve got it,” Xiumin and Suho chorused together.

“You go relax, okay?” Xiumin ordered gently. “We’ve got the steering down.”

Kris made his way down to the lower deck where the other boys were gathered around the glass. Baekhyun seemed to be a little freaked out, and as Kris approached he couldn’t help but feel the same.

“Baekhyun, you want to come help me set up the dog grass?” He asked, and Baekhyun leapt to his feet.

They spread the grass out in a corner near the back of the boat, double layering it just to be safe. Even then, they didn’t go back inside. They walked around to the front of the boat and leaned over the railing, watching the water go by.

“So,” Kris aid after a moment, “How are the swimming lessons going?”

Baekhyun shrugged. “I’m not getting much swimming done, Chanyeol carries me in, and I stay in his arms for a few minutes, and then I usually start to cry.”

Kris was instantly concerned. “That doesn’t sound like it’s working.”

“I know, I don’t understand it. I know I have nothing to be afraid of—I’m not scared now, but when I’m in the water, when I think about…going in, by myself…and I can’t help but think about it, no matter how much I try not to…that’s when I panic.”

Kris hummed. “Well, I guess you just need to get comfortable with the idea of being in the water.”

“I know,” Baekhyun said again. “It’s taking longer than I thought.”

“You’ve been learning for two days, give yourself some time.”

Baekhyun nodded. “What about you?” He asked suddenly. “You look a little shaken.”

Kris looked up towards the cockpit and leaned closer to Baekhyun, lowering his voice. “It’s just…sometimes I forget that I’m not the oldest one here. It surprises me whenever I remember that.”

Baekhyun gave Kris an odd look, almost like he was worried. “You’ve always been like this, you get so shocked when other people try to take care of you. It used to just be one of those things about you but I’m starting to realize…you’re just not used to it. You and Suho, you had this whole leader thing drilled into you from the start and it’s to the point that you don’t even think that it’s okay to be taken care of.”

Kris stared at Baekhyun in shock—he suddenly realized that look from earlier had been pity. “I…um…”

Baekhyun waved his hand. “I’m not expecting an answer or excuse, I just had to say it. Just…try not to be surprised. We do love you, you know, all of us love both or you, and we want to look out for our leaders.”

They were quiet for a little while until Xiumin yelled down, “I think we’ve got some fish nearby!!”

But hauling up giant fish proved to be a lot harder than anticipated—the first time they cast the lines, they got moderately sized mackerels, which were good to have but not what they were looking for. But then they went out a little further and cast the lines again, and they hooked a big fish. A big, strong, not-going-without-a-fight fish. It took Lu Han, Suho, Kris and Xiumin over an hour taking turns with the rod to reel it in, and finally after that they got fed up. The fish was shallow enough that Lu Han was able to latch onto it and use his gift to haul it close to the edge of the boat.

“Nice going, Lu Han,” Sehun said brightly. “And you were worried about your gift.”

Lu Han shrugged. “I don’t know, I think I should be able to just pluck them up out of the depths. Now what?” He asked.

Kyungsoo grabbed the baseball bat they’d brought along and went to club it but Kris pulled the bat away. “Don’t bludgeon it,” he scolded, “We want to save as much of it as we can, we can eat the whole thing.”

“Well what do you suggest we do?” Kyungsoo fired back.

“We have to cut it,” Kris said, casting an anxious look at Chen and Tao, bless their faint hearts, “And let it bleed out. It’s the best way to kill and make sure it’s good to serve.”

“We have a knife?” Kai asked, and Kris pointed to the fishing gear. 

Suho raised his hand. “I’ll do it!”

He grabbed a heavy glove and put it on his left hand, using it to hold the line that the fish was still attached to, then he leaned over the edge of the boat and used his other hand to slash. After a few minutes the fish seemed to have bled out, and Suho gave Lu Han the go ahead to haul it over the edge of the boat. A bit of blood sloshed onto the deck, and Suho quickly used some sea water to wash it away.

“That was messy,” Chanyeol said.

“Well, it needed to be done,” Suho said, “Now, what kind of fish is this?”

Kris finally got a good look at the thing. “Wow, it’s a yellow fin tuna!”

“Oh gosh,” Kai scoffed. “What an unimaginative name!”

Tao poked the fish. “It’s really big, wow…is this as big as they can be?”

Kris shook his head and retrieved a tape measure from his bag. He stretched it out over the fish. “121 centimeters,” he announced. “But they can get to be over 200.”

Tao gaped. “Oh my god, that’s huge!”

“When did we start saying ‘Oh my god?’” Chanyeol wondered, but nobody got back to him because at that moment one of their other lines started twitching.

“FISH!” Lay screamed, latching onto the rod.

Unfortunately that one got away, and they moved to another spot, storing the first fish in one of the coolers. Xiumin covered it in a layer of ice and they moved the cooler inside, so the sun wouldn’t make it too warm. Even so, Xiumin made sure to check on their catch as the afternoon went on.

In the next few hours they hooked another yellow fin, three black carp, and when they found themselves in shallower water at one point, Lu Han managed to pull up a few crabs. Finally at the end of the day they caught the elusive Bluefin tuna. They fought to reel it in for almost an hour, and as soon as it came close to the edge of the boat, Suho stabbed it. Then they all sat back to take in its' sheer size.

“I thought the yellow fin was big,” Tao muttered, staring in awe at the beast.

“Didn’t you say it was over fished?” Suho asked Kris.

“I said almost,” Kris panted—he’d had the last turn with the fishing rod and it had wiped him out. “But fishermen also farmed them. I guess when the world was ending, they released the farm fish and they bred back to good numbers. Their only natural predators are sharks and sometimes whales.”

Suho wrapped the fish in water and helped Lu Han heave it over the edge of boat. Lu Han hadn’t been able to get a grip on it until recently, because of how much it had been fighting. Everyone gathered around, and even the dogs came up to sniff it, but Lay quickly pulled them back.

“This isn’t even as big as they can be,” Kris told them, “I guess this one’s about 150 centimeters.”

“That’s huge!” Baekhyun cried. “Oh god, things like this live in the water?!”

“At least it doesn’t have teeth,” Kris pointed out. “it can’t really hurt you unless it hits you over the head.”

Baekhyun didn’t look convinced, but he changed the subject. “Will it even fit in the coolers?”

“We only have the one left,” Xiumin added.

“We’ll just have to gut it and cut it up now,” Suho said grimly, rolling up his sleeves. “This is gonna get messy. Everyone out of the way.”

Leaving it to Suho to take care of, everyone else rushed inside and converged around the glass floor.

“It’s a little sad,” Chanyeol said, “We can’t see anything.”

“Maybe that’s for the best,” Baekhyun muttered. Lu Han ruffled his hair and he ducked out of the way, scowling.

Chen was off to the side, rummaging through his bag. After a moment he stood up, holding something behind his back. “I brought something along for us, I made sure it would work on the ship before we left.” And he pulled from behind his back a portable CD player.

“Wow!” Kyungsoo exclaimed, running over to examine it. “Where’d you find it?”

“I was poking around in some of the hotel rooms,” Chen admitted, “And I found it. We so rarely find them in good condition, I thought the opportunity was too good to pass up. I have a bunch of CDs too, I’ve, um…been collecting them.”

Everyone was surprised.

“I didn’t know that,” Kai said quietly, “How many do you have?”

Chen shrugged. “I brought along five, but I think I have around fifteen. This is probably my favorite, but I can’t read it.” He eyed Kris. “You need to teach us English.”

“It’s not easy to learn,” Kris said quickly. “It’s more difficult if you learn later in life—it’s one of the things that frustrates me. People spoke it fluently in my village, but since we were so isolated it never really spread.”

“How did it even come to your village?” Sehun asked. “I know there was that lady, the one that the fifth Kai brought to our world, but why did she end up in your village?”

“I don’t actually know that story,” Baekhyun said.

“It’s mostly legend,” Kris explained. “There was this scientist on this world who was working on communicating with other planets, and she somehow managed to contact ours, but she didn’t want the people she worked for to find out what she’d learned, so she got a message to the Guardians to take her away or there would be big trouble for our world. So they came and took her away.”

“Just like that?” Baekhyun asked skeptically.

“She wasn’t the only one,” Kris reminded him. “It’s happened before. Anyway, she wanted a quiet life so she moved somewhere isolated. The thing about my village is that it’s fairly warm—she didn’t want to be in the Northern circle.”

Chen interrupted, “And she taught the people her language while they taught her theirs. Now, can you read the CD?”

Kris took the CD from him and squinted at the title. “Okay,” He said after a while, “It’s in a weird font but I think the artist is called Journey, and the title of the CD is…Escape? I think it’s Escape.”

Chen looked delighted. “I really want you guys to hear this one song, it sounds so beautiful, even if I don’t understand it.”

Everyone had to grin at his enthusiasm—Chen was a fun person, and he was coming out of his shell more and more, but it was obvious that he was still very reserved. He only got really, truly excited about a few things in life, mainly lightning and Kai, but now it looked like music had been added to that list.

Kris turned to the doorway. “Suho, how’s the fish?”

“I’m just cleaning up,” Suho called back. “Come on out.”

They all filtered back out to help Suho pack away the fish, but he’d put a huge slab aside.

“I know we don’t have rice or anything,” He said, “But you guys need to eat this fish, I tried some and it’s really good.” He shaved twelve thin slices off and passed them around, and on the count of three everyone popped it in their mouths.

“Oh my god,” Tao said, “Wow. I have been ruined.”

“For real,” Kai agreed. Then he swatted at Keen, who was sitting at his feet and looking for a handout. “Get lost dog, this is too good for you.”

Everyone had a laugh at that, and then Suho dug around in the cooler they’d packed with snacks and pulled out a few plates. “I brought this for the chicken, but I guess we can use it for the fish, I don’t think we need anything else.”

“Give the chicken to the dogs,” Lu Han suggested, scooping Daisy up. “They can have it.”

Since the breeze felt amazing, they all decided to eat on the upper deck. The anchor was down and they saw no need to move, so they grabbed the cooler with their food and drinks and hauled it up the stairs. Chanyeol carried Keen up the steps and Lu Han carried Daisy. Chen brought up the CD player and plugged it into an outlet in the cockpit. They listened to the CD while they ate, talking and laughing together, but something felt different, and it took a while to figure out what had changed—they weren’t coupled off. Sehun was sitting between Kris and Kai, Lu Han was between Xiumin and Lay, Kyungsoo was on Kai’s other side and Suho was next to him, Tao was sandwiched between Chen and Chanyeol, and Baekhyun was between Lay and Chen. For a brief moment, conversation flowed to a halt and everyone looked around the circle with wide eyes. It seemed as though, for a while, they had forgotten that they were friends, not just couples and trios.

The song on the CD changed, and Chen broke the silence. “This song is actually my favorite, I forgot to mention it earlier. I think it’s called ‘Open Arms.’”

Kris checked the CD case and then nodded. “Yeah, that’s the name.”

Sehun suddenly spoke up. “This may sound weird but I’ve been thinking about it a lot lately and…you know, we’ve all been through a lot of crap, and we’re kind of messed up, but I think we’d be a lot worse off if we didn’t have each other. Like, I can’t picture my life without any single one of you and…” his voice broke a little and he was suddenly fighting tears. “Remember when Seven told us that she hadn’t spoken to the members of her Generation in a long time? I just hope that never happens to us. I hope we stay friends forever, no matter what and…” he paused to clear his throat. “I just hope that nothing ever changes between us.” Then he quickly wiped his eyes.

“Aw, Sehun-ah,” Baekhyun cooed, “Don’t cry!”

Kris wrapped his arm around Sehun’s shoulders and tucked him into his side. Sehun leaned his head against Kris’ shoulder, trying to steal another moment to compose himself. Kris grinned and slowly unfolded his wings, wrapping one around Sehun’s shoulders. “Bird hug,” he laughed. “Remember this, Sehun? You couldn’t get enough of my wings when you were a kid—you, Kai and Chen.”

“And me,” Chanyeol threw in.

“What do you mean when we were kids?” Sehun mumbled, burrowing back into the fluffy feathers. “I still love your wings.”

“Hey, that reminds me,” Xiumin cried, “Kris, why do you still keep your wings hidden? I swear, sometimes I forget they’re even there.”

Kris thought about it for a second, looking flustered as everyone waited for his answer. “I guess I just got used to it? I don’t know…it’s not on purpose, I just keep them folded.”

“But why?” Tao asked. “I never understood…you love your wings.”

Kris hesitated. “Well…you know, flight is the only gift that really changes a Guardian’s body. We’re all different from everyone else but flight is really marks a Guard—me, marks me, as different from everyone else.” He shrugged. “I don’t know, I guess when I was a kid I just didn’t want to be any more different than I already was. And then when I got older I didn’t want to stand out. I didn’t want people to _just_ notice the wings. I figured when they first saw me they’d be so shocked by the wings they’d just stare at them and forget about me, or all of us. And now it’s just second nature, I guess. I don’t even think about showing them off.”

“You should,” Sehun said, absently combing his fingers through the lower feathers, “This is so therapeutic and they’re so pretty.”

Kris grinned. “Okay, I’ll try to keep them out more.”

Chen’s favorite song started to play again, and as the chorus approached a few of the boys started to hum along, cutting off in giggles when they realized what they were doing.

“This really is a good song,” Suho murmured. He turned to Kris. “What’s it about?”

“As far as I can tell, it’s about a man vowing to be open to his lover no matter what, and a promise that they’ll always accept each other,” Kris explained.

“That’s beautiful,” Kai said, and he grinned at Chen. “I see why you like it.”

“I memorized it, a while ago, actually.”

“You should sing it, then,” Lay cried. “Go on, we haven’t heard you sing in ages!”

“We haven’t sung at all in ages,” Chen blurted. “We used to…”

It was another shock. There was so much that they used to do that they hadn’t done in so long—they did used to sing, not all the time but often enough. They sang local songs and lullabies—especially lullabies, and other nonsense children’s songs, as they were the most plentiful. Odes to the Tree and songs for wedding ceremonies were okay, but only because the alternative was working songs and death marches—neither of which were very pleasant.

“So let’s learn this song,” Suho said quickly. “Come on, we can do this.”

They looped the song a few times, and Chen and Kris helped them out with the harder lyrics, and by about the fourth loop they all had it down, and as the song started again they all sang along.

It was amazing. There was no better feeling in the world than the twelve of them together, feeling the sun and wind on their skin, hearing their voices come together as one. No matter where they went or how many of them coupled off, they would always have each other in the end, and they would always be there to support each other. They would always be friends and brothers, and they would always love each other.

By the time the song ended they were all smiling, and a few were crying, but there was a feeling of happiness in the air that nobody could ignore.

After a moment Tao looked around and gasped. “Guys, look, the sun’s setting!”

They had been so wrapped up in each other, they hadn’t noticed the change in the sky, but as they snapped out of their daze they all gasped.

“It’s beautiful,” Baekhyun breathed.

The sky was pink, orange, purple and the palest of blues, and the sun had just met the horizon, the light reflecting in the ocean and mixing a fiery orange with the turquoise waves. They watched in silence as the sun dipped lower, and just as the very top of the sun disappeared under the horizon there was the quickest flash of green light.

“The green flash!” Chanyeol cried, “It is real!”

“Of course it’s real,” Baekhyun said, but even he sounded awed. “The light passes through the whole spectrum, but human eyes can only see the green and only under ideal conditions.”

“We must be pretty lucky then,” Lu Han sighed, and everyone hummed in agreement.

Suddenly Suho jumped up. “OH MY GOD!” He cried, “The sun’s set and we’re still in the open water!”

There was a collective gasp and everyone leapt to their feet.

“Time to go!” Kris yelled, “Okay, Baekhyun, get ready to light the way, we’re going to need all the help we can get to dock this thing…”

Even when Baekhyun flooded the surrounding area in light, they decided not to risk docking in the boat house. Instead they cut the boat’s engine as they neared the docks and Suho managed to float the boat close enough for Xiumin, Lu Han and Chanyeol to leap out and tie the boat to the dock. The day had caught up to them and they were all tired as they unloaded the boat, Lu Han floating the coolers with their catch along behind them on the way to the car. It was a quiet trip back to the hotel, but the atmosphere of the day lingered. Once they made it back to the hotel and unloaded the fish into the freezers, it was time for bed. Still, nobody really wanted to go. They loitered in the kitchen for a bit, debating about snacks when they really just didn’t want to leave each other.

Kai spoke up. “There’s this room, on the tenth floor, and it’s full of couches and chairs—I think it says ‘lounge’ on the door. Anyway, I’m sure it’s big enough to fit some mattresses in.”

Everyone perked up at that.

“Think we can all sleep in the same room without driving each other crazy?” Suho asked wryly.

“Only if nobody steals my spot next to Kris,” Tao said haughtily.

“Snooze you lose!” Kai yelled, “Go grab your mattresses!”

And ten boys raced up the stairs, shouting and tripping over each other while Suho and Kris stared at one another in horror.

“Kris,” Suho whispered, “They’ll never go to sleep…"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original notes:  
> 1-The kids are singing. The kids are singing “Open Arms.” Yeah. That’s me being totally unsubtle.  
> 2-The Green Flash is actually real. I have seen it, my sister saw it too, some of you may have also seen it.  
> 3-My thinking is that endangered species of today would eventually come to thrive once more once humans evacuate the planet, especially when a magical, all-powerful Tree is cleaning the oceans and air.  
> 4-That last bit is a nod to chapter 25, when all the kids slept in the same room for the first time and it was absolute chaos.  
> 5-I finally explain how Kris can speak/read English in this AU—not that I mention it a lot but it’s there in passing. How many people didn’t even realize it until now?  
> 6-LONGEST CHAPTER EVER HOLY COW YOU GUYS. I JUST COULD NOT CUT THIS OFF AND I HAD SO MUCH ‘SPLAININ TO DO. It’s like, okay they’re going fishing. What kind of boat should they use? What’s available to them on a touristy beach? How does the boat operate? What kind of fish do they catch? How do they kill the fish? Chen could shock it, but then if he didn’t make it explode he’d probably cook it! Okay, how does one kill a big fish? Oh ew, you stab it (god I wish I didn’t know that ><). But I guess it’s okay because I’m back at school now so updates might not be as frequent.  
> 7-because this was so long I didn’t get to the OT3 stuff, BUT IT WILL HAPPEN, I HAVE A PLAN. I PROMISE.  
> 8- DID YOU GUYS SEE THAT ADORABLE KAICHEN MOMENT IN SHOWTIME EP 10?? I know a few people commented on it but just ACTUAL AWE KAICHEN (every time I type KaiChen I think kitchen).   
> http://31.media.tumblr.com/767f636355c788ff701245f3e632d1d1/tumblr_mzutg4AImE1rhr7fbo1_r2_500.gif   
> GOD THEY ARE SO CUTE I LITERALLY CAN'T TAKE IT


	60. Holding You Tight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> OT3! OT3! OT3!

Tao was pouting. He had barely gotten any alone time with Kris the entire day—there had been a situation with Baekhyun and Chanyeol that he needed to mediate, and it took up a lot of his morning. Then there had been a group lunch, and then a group trip to the swimming pool while they all tried to help Baekhyun overcome his fear of the water. After dinner they’d all gone back to the beach, and they’d stayed out until the sun had gone down. Now they had said their goodnights and were going to bed, dripping salt water all over the place.

“Chanyeol looked so happy I wanted to knock their heads together,” Kris grumbled to Suho and Tao on their way back to their own room.

“Why would you knock their heads together?” Tao asked.

“Because they’re so pigheaded! My goodness, all they had to do was talk! Have they learned nothing over the years?”

“You’re one to talk,” Suho laughed. “I seem to recall you being pretty unwilling to talk to us.”

“But I got over it, didn’t I? We talk now.”

Tao wanted to protest, but he held his tongue, casting dark looks at Suho and Kris as he walked between them. It wasn’t Kris’ fault that their relationship hadn’t progressed, Tao was the one who hadn’t voiced his desires yet. But for the love of the Tree, they had come so _close_ in the past few weeks that Tao had wanted to scream every time one of them called it to a halt. He had started to wonder if they did it for his benefit, in which case it needed to stop immediately. Tao wanted sex, and he wanted it _bad_. He was amazed that neither of them had picked up on it, even without him saying anything. Tao thought he was ridiculously obvious, but maybe he had been mistaken.

He was pulled out of his thoughts when Suho looped his arm through Tao’s and leaned his head on his shoulder. “I can’t believe it’s been a week already, and this is the first time Kris has gotten his wings totally wet.”

Kris grinned a little sheepishly. In the past when he had showered, he’d kept his wings stretched back and out of the way, so they never got too wet. Tao was just starting to realize why he did it, because when they were wet they stayed wet.

“I keep forgetting you’re not actually a bird,” Tao teased, poking Kris’ arm. “I guess when dragon’s wings get wet, they’re screwed.”

“Guess so,” Kris sighed, fingering his wings. “I’m going to have to give them a thorough cleaning, I can’t have the salt making them all sticky.” He eyed Suho and Tao apprehensively. “You guys might want to stay out of the bathroom while I do that…it could get pretty messy.”

Suho suddenly looked worried. “Have you ever cleaned your wings with water before?”

“A few times,” Kris said. “It involves a lot of shaking and flapping and water getting everywhere. And then it takes them ages to dry, so I don’t do it very often.”

“I can see why,” Tao laughed, taking in the sheer size of Kris’ wings. “Well anyway, we’ll shower first.” Tao almost wished he and Suho could shower together, but he didn’t want to leave Kris out of something like that. So Tao grabbed the shower first, then Suho went, and then Kris finally went in. When the door closed behind Kris, Suho turned to Tao with a determined look on his face.

“Okay, he is not going to bed with those wings soaking wet.” He said firmly, “And they’ll take a really long time to dry on their own. So, here’s what we’re going to do.” He held up a contraption that Tao was familiar with, it blew hot air and was used to dry wet hair. It was called, unimaginatively, a hairdryer. “We’re going to get another one of these, and we’re going to help Kris air dry his wings.”

Tao looked at Suho blankly. “Why can’t you just whisk the water off of them?”

Suho huffed. “Because that wouldn’t be very fun. Come on, you know how much Kris loves having his wings petted, even though he’ll never admit to it. Just imagine how amazing this would feel for him, and he deserves it after the way he helped Baekhyun and Chanyeol, and everything he’s done so far on this trip! I mean he figured out how to work the boat, he caught our first fish, he found out what kind of fish we could eat—Kris deserves some pampering!”

Tao hummed thoughtfully. “I never thought about that, I guess the heat would be okay for him, his wings aren’t exactly delicate.”

“Exactly, plus I caught him sunning his wings earlier, he looked blissed out. I know he’ll like this.”

Tao matched Suho’s grin with one of his own. “Okay, let’s go find another hairdryer.”

* * *

When Kris walked out of the bathroom and saw Tao and Suho standing by the bed, identical smirks on their faces and hairdryers held aloft, he felt like he should be afraid. Instead he was just plain confused. “What’s going on?”

Tao spun his hairdryer in his hand. “We’re going to help you dry your wings.”

At the mention of them, Kris unfolded his wings from his back and flapped them a little, shaking water onto the floor. He looked at Suho. “Can’t you—”

“You and Tao both lack imagination. Kris, this is supposed to be a way to help you relax after a long week of helping us out.”

Kris felt himself flush and he pressed a hand to his cheek. “Oh, wow. Um…you guys don’t have to, I mean I can’t imagine sitting there drying my wings is going to be very fun…”

Tao marched over and cut off Kris’ rambling with a kiss. When he pulled back he gave Kris a half exasperated, half adoring look. “Who cares if it’s fun or not? We’re doing it for you, because we want to. We want to spoil you a little.” He rubbed Kris’ arm absent mindedly. “Let us take care of you, okay? Just for tonight, then you can go back to being all leader-ly tomorrow. If you want to, that is,” he added with a casual shrug.

Kris looked between the two of them as if to make sure that this was really happening. When neither of them started to laugh, he realized they were totally serious. “Okay,” he said quietly, glancing down as he felt his cheeks heat up again. “I really…um…thanks,” he said at last, smiling shyly.

Suho actually squealed. “Oh my gosh,” he cried, flinging the hairdryer onto the bed and coming over to shake Kris by the shoulders. “Kris! If you wanted us to pet your wings, you could have just asked!!” Suho was smiling but he almost looked tearful. “You big baby! After going on about how you’ve learned to talk.”

Kris was blushing even more and staring at his feet. “It’s not a big deal.”

“Hey,” Tao clucked, taking Kris’ hand. “It doesn’t matter if it’s a big deal or not.” He smiled reassuringly. “We’ll do anything for you.”

Kris nodded, feeling a little better. It was kind of awkward for him, asking for someone to pet his wings, the sentence just sounded weird in his ears. But it really felt amazing, having someone else’s fingers comb through the feathers and stir them up. if Tao and Suho were offering…well, Kris would be an idiot to turn them down. So the three of them went over to the bed.

Kris sat in the middle of the mattress and relaxed his wings so Suho and Tao could tug them around as they needed to. The nightstands on either side of their bed had sockets where the hairdryers could be plugged in, so Suho and Tao could work on one wing each. Kris was surprised by how quickly he’d gotten excited about this, little zings of energy making him antsy, tapping his fingers against the bed. Tao noticed.

“Wow, you’re really worked up,” he whispered, stroking the ridge of one wing. “This is supposed to help you relax, you know.”

Kris actually laughed a little. “I will relax, don’t you worry.”

In the next second the sound of the hairdryers turning on made him jump about a foot in the air, but he calmed down once Tao and Suho got their fingers in his feathers, and as they turned the hairdryers on his wings he sighed happily. The two of them were definitely onto something with this, it felt like heaven. Between the hot air warming the tough skin of his wings, and the way their fingers kept combing through his feathers, oh yeah, he could get used to this.

Kris was in a daze after a few minutes, fighting to stay upright. He felt boneless, he just wanted to lie back and stay on the bed forever. It felt like hours passed as Tao and Suho worked on the front side of his wings, Kris felt himself getting tired and he had to fight to stay alert. He bit the inside of his cheek and pulled himself upright, struggling back to consciousness, but Suho trailed his fingers lightly down Kris’ back, tracing the harsh ridge of his spine.

“Relax,” Suho said firmly. “It’s all for naught if you tense up anyway.”

Kris slowly turned to look at him, trying to focus. “’M gonna fall asleep in a minute…” Well, that wasn’t entirely true. He didn’t exactly feel sleepy, but he didn’t know how else to explain the fact that his bones felt like jelly. At this rate he just didn’t think he could hold himself up much longer.

Tao turned off his hairdryer so he could be heard. “The front side of your wings is pretty dry, how about you lie down on your stomach and we can do the backs?”

Kris was only too happy to flop down and roll onto his stomach. He closed his eyes as Tao and Suho resumed their fussing over his wings, sighing happily. He hadn’t felt this relaxed in such a long time.

But in the next few minutes, Kris started to think that maybe that wasn’t such a good thing. His eyes opened slowly as realization hit him—the back of his wings had always been more sensitive than the front, he wasn’t sure why it was that way, but even the slightest brush of a hand could make his knees weak. Two hairdryers and two hands raking through the feathers, well, that garnered a reaction of a whole different kind.

 _‘Oh, help,’_ Kris thought desperately as he buried his face in a pillow, hoping to the Tree that Suho and Tao had missed the small whimpering sound he’d just made. Were the hairdryers loud enough for that? But there was no way they could miss it if he tensed up, in fact it would probably just draw even more attention to the little…or maybe not-so-little problem he was now facing. He was cursing up a storm in his head. How was it possible that he was getting hard from this?? This had never happened before, since when were his wings connected to his cock? And of all the times for it to happen…the three of them hadn’t really discussed sex apart from the fact that there would be no sneaking around with only two—that wasn’t to say that it couldn’t just be two occasionally, but the third person had to be informed and say he was okay with it.

Tao scratched the spot where Kris’ wings connected to his back and Kris had to bite the pillow so he wouldn’t gasp.

“Almost dry,” Tao said cheerfully. “Just a few more minutes.”

Kris hummed and hoped they wouldn’t try to talk to him again. He tried to think of something else, something totally un-sexy like feet and coconut crabs, but that was so hard when all he could focus on was how good the heat felt and how Suho and Tao just seemed to know how to touch his wings in just the right way to drive him absolutely crazy. Kris swallowed, his mouth and throat dry. Maybe if he moved…

Oh, bad idea. Kris thought he might rip the pillow with his teeth at this point and he had to fight not to grind down against the mattress. This was ridiculous, they weren’t even doing anything and he was so turned on he almost couldn’t breathe. It was getting harder to stay still and relaxed, to hold back moans and whimpers. This was a special kind of torture, Kris thought to himself. His face felt hot, his whole body felt hot, even the air he was breathing in felt too warm—though that could have been because his face was still pressed into the pillow. He wasn’t sure how much longer it would be until Suho and Tao noticed something was wrong, and once they turned off the hairdryers how was he supposed to hide this from them? Then again, he didn’t particularly want to hide this from them. No, he wanted them to know, to help him. He wanted their hands on him, in his hair and his wings, trailing down his chest and stomach…his whole body shuddered, his feathers standing on end and his hips jerked against the bed, and there was no way Suho and Tao had missed _that_. Sure enough, the room went silent as the pair of them turned off the hairdryers.

“Kris?” Suho asked anxiously, “Are you alright?”

Kris felt his face burn but even the embarrassment couldn’t quell his arousal. He let out a sound that was half whimper, half groan. He finally allowed himself to tense up, drawing his arms against his chest, his back going ridged and his wings folding back up. The two of them were on him in an instant, patting his shoulders and back, trying to get him to talk. One of their hands—probably Suho’s—brushed against his folded wing and Kris moaned loudly, his hips rutting against the bed. Then the two of them went quiet and Kris knew they had figured it out. His ears were ringing and he was on edge, waiting for one of them to say something.

“Oh,” Tao breathed. “Oh…Kris, why didn’t you…?”

Kris whimpered and squirmed, choking as the movement made his cock throb. He needed someone to touch him…ugh, what was he, thirteen?

“Sorry,” he mumbled into the pillow, not even sure if they could understand him. “It just happened, it wasn’t…I didn’t know it would…it’s my stupid wings…” Damn. _He_ couldn’t even understand himself.

The bed dipped and he felt someone—Tao—hovering over him straddling his hips like it was the most normal thing in the world.

“It’s okay,” Tao murmured, rubbing his hands up and down Kris’ sides. Kris shuddered and whimpered quietly. Tao leaned down, his lips against Kris’ neck. “Don’t apologize, you don’t have to explain anything.” He raked his nails through Kris’ feathers and Kris yelped, trailing off in a groan.

“That’s better,” Tao said, his voice rough. “Pick your head up, breathe.”

Kris shuddered but lifted his head anyway, gulping fresh air. The room wasn’t especially warm but he still felt so hot. Tao kept petting his wings and Kris squeezed his eyes shut, clamping his lips together. He felt gentle fingers against his lips and opened his eyes again. His bangs were hanging in his eyes, he couldn’t even begin to imagine how he must have looked—definitely not sexy.

“Relax,” Tao commanded. “Kris, it’s just us. It’s okay.” He brushed his lips against the back of Kris’ neck, murmuring against his skin. “What do you want? Hmm? Are you hard? Do you want to come?”

Hearing it so plainly, and from Tao no less, made it seem less twisted. “Yes…if it’s…okay with both of you.” He barely whispered the last part.

He had no idea what Suho had been doing throughout this but he appeared suddenly, laying down next to Kris and touching his cheek. “It’s okay,” he assured.

“It’s definitely okay,” Tao countered, sounding breathless. He backed up a little before grabbing Kris by his shoulders and hauling him up onto his knees. Tao pulled Kris flush against his body and wrapped one arm across Kris’ chest and the other around his waist, supporting his weight (for which Kris was grateful because he was shaking so much he thought he might collapse).

“Suho,” Tao said, his voice rough once more, “Come sit in front of Kris.”

Suho moved as Tao had ordered, looking as surprised as Kris felt that Tao was the one who seemed the most composed of the three of them.

Tao kissed Kris’ cheek, bringing his attention back around. “Kris, is it okay if we take your shirt off?”

Kris nodded and Tao kissed his cheek again. “Okay. Now, just relax,” he encouraged as he motioned for Suho to help him remove Kris’ shirt. “We’ll take care of you. Just tell us if we do something you don’t like.”

Kris’ shirt was pulled over his head, mussing his already untidy hair. He really wondered how he looked at the moment.

“And don’t feel like you need to be quiet,” Tao added, tracing one finger against Kris’ lips. “We want to hear the kinds of sounds you make.”

Kris inhaled sharply, Tao’s voice going straight to his cock. He had never noticed how sexy Tao’s voice was before…but maybe because he’d never sounded so…so…Kris shifted hesitantly, grinding back and Tao hissed, bucking forward. _Tao was just as turned on by this as Kris was_.

The revelation only served to get Kris even more worked up. He looked Suho over, noting that he was breathing heavily, and he was about to ask if Suho was enjoying this at all when Suho suddenly leaned forward and kissed him, sliding his tongue between Kris’ lips. At the same time he trailed his fingers down Kris’ bare chest—softly, hardly even touching. It was maddening. Tao kept his hands on Kris’ hips, rubbing small circles with his thumbs and kissing up and down his neck and shoulders. Between the two of them Kris’ hazy mind couldn’t decide which felt better, he just knew he wanted more. He reached out blindly and latched onto the first thing he touched—Suho’s shirt. He hauled Suho even closer, nearly toppling the three of them. Suho moaned—the first sound he’d made, and it boosted Kris’ confidence enough to slide his hands around Suho’s back and down, gripping the waist of his pants and pulling him forward. Kris gasped at the friction on his cock but it just wasn’t enough. He arched forward desperately. He needed more, he needed anything else.

Suho was panting in his ear, or maybe that was Tao, he didn’t know. One of their hands slipped between his and Suho’s hips, cupping him through his thin pajama pants. Kris moaned and bucked into the heat but it _still_ wasn’t enough.

“I…please…” Kris whined, so beyond embarrassment at this point, “I need to come.” His words were rushed, desperate, and he felt more than heard Suho moan against his collarbone before biting down. Kris gasped at the feeling of teeth and tongue on his skin and grabbed the hand that was still over his crotch—he now realized it was Suho’s—and made Suho press against him harder. It wasn’t enough.

Tao brushed the skin just above the waistband of his pants. “I want to touch you, is that okay?”

“Yes,” Kris groaned, “Please, Tao, Suho, help me…” He cut off with a gasp as fingers scrambled at his waist.

He was suddenly shy, feeling a blush creep up his neck. It amazed him that he even had the capacity to feel such a thing when he had been utterly shameless in asking for this but…Tao’s hand slipped into his underwear and Kris whimpered, turning his head to the side. Suho’s lips were on his neck in an instant, kissing his way up to his mouth.

“Are you okay?” Suho asked.

Kris managed a nod. Tao’s hand had stopped with his fingers just barely in Kris’ pants and it was maddening. “Just…nervous,” He admitted, because really what was the point in hiding it? He turned his head back, expecting exasperation and a ‘Will you just calm down?’ attitude.

Instead he saw how Suho was blushing, biting his lip and blinking up at him shyly. “Me too.”

Tao nuzzled Kris’ neck. “Me too,” he sighed. “But I’m also really, really turned on.” And the tips of his fingers brush Kris’ cock and Kris gasped, his back arched and his head tossed back on Tao’s shoulder. He moaned loudly as Tao wrapped a hand around him. “By the Tree,” Tao breathed, “You sound so sexy right now, Kris.”

“D-do I?” Kris managed, breathless as Tao seemed to gain confidence, wrapping his hand around Kris and stroking. The dry pull of skin on skin was a little uncomfortable, and Tao swore, pulling his hand back out.

“I need something,” he grumbled. “Do we have lube?”

But Kris had a better idea (maybe not better but infinitely sexier) and he took Tao’s hand and brought his fingers to his lips. Suho’s jaw dropped and Kris locked eyes with him as he slipped two of Tao’s fingers into his mouth. Tao cursed again, the fingers of his other hand digging into Kris’ hip. Suho looked absolutely dumbfounded and Kris chuckled, at which Tao moaned and the fingers in Kris’ mouth curled around his tongue.

“Suho,” Tao groaned, “How does he look?”

Kris gripped Tao’s wrist as he stared Suho down, hoping he could read the look in Kris eyes. ‘ _You’re next._ ’

Suho opened his mouth, closed it, gulped, and then opened it again. “So hot,” he managed, sounding choked.

Tao hummed, bending his head to nip at Kris’ neck. Kris moaned around Tao’s fingers, wondering if Tao’s teeth had left a mark. He pulled off of Tao’s fingers, gasping for air. “Did you mark me?”

“No,” Tao answered, his voice low, “Do you want me to?”

“Maybe,” Kris muttered, his eyes on Suho’s face. He licked one of Tao’s fingers and watched Suho’s throat work as he swallowed. “But Suho would have to leave a mark too.”

Suho jerked at the sound of his name and his eyes flickered between Tao’s fingers and Kris’ face. “Where would I mark you?”

Kris shrugged. “Anywhere you want.” He smirked. “Do you want to put your fingers in my mouth too?”

Suho inhaled sharply. “I…hold on,” He stumbled off the bed and Kris felt a thrill go through him when he realized how hard Suho was, and he hadn’t even been touched yet. He was pulled out of that thought by Tao’s teeth sinking into his neck and he gasped, twisting around to glare.

“Ouch.”

“You wanted to be marked,” Tao reminded him.

Kris was actually surprised by how Tao was looking at him. He’d never noticed how sexy Tao looked before, but now that Tao was looking at Kris like he wanted to devour him…well, it gave Kris a whole different perspective on his youngest boyfriend.

Tao was staring at Kris’ lips and Kris huffed. “Are you going to kiss me or stare at me?” He demanded.

Tao leaned forward, stopping a breath away from Kris lips. Kris shut his eyes, but the kiss never came. Instead Tao ran his tongue over Kris bottom lip and sucked it into his mouth, tugging on it with his teeth. Kris gasped and only then did Tao kiss him, almost smug at how easily Kris opened up to him.

The bed dipped when Suho came back. Kris and Tao pulled away to look at him, and Suho held up a small bottle.

“Don’t ask where I got it,” he said with a laugh as he took Tao’s hand. He poured the bottle over Tao’s palm, rubbing the lubricant around evenly. While he was distracted Tao lunged forward and caught Suho’s mouth, kissing him much the same way he’d just kissed Kris. Suho practically melted, moaning as he leaned into Tao. Kris watched them with hooded eyes, his cock twitching when he saw Tao’s tongue slip between Suho’s lips. Kris lifted a hand to Suho’s cheek, brushing the soft curves of his face. When Tao pulled back Suho was in a daze, automatically leaning into Kris’ hand. His mouth was still open, his breath hot and damp against Kris’ palm. Kris brushed his thumb over Suho’s lips, Suho slowly focused on Kris’ face. Kris took his hand away and instead wrapped his fingers around Suho’s wrist. At the same time, Tao’s hand slid back into Kris’ underwear.

Kris moaned quietly, his eyes still trained on Suho’s face. It wasn’t easy to keep his focus, especially when Tao started to stroke him, but Kris had seen the look on Suho’s face earlier and he wanted to see it again. So he slipped Suho’s fingers into his mouth. He smirked triumphantly when Suho’s eyes widened and he inhaled sharply, and he felt a flash of pride when Suho groaned, his head falling forward. Kris was momentarily distracted when Tao’s thumb pressed against the slit of his cock and his teeth scraped Suho’s fingers, but Suho didn’t seem to mind—if his drawn out moan and the jerk of his hips was anything to go on.

“Fuck,” Tao swore, “Kris, what are you doing to him?”

Kris simply hummed, reaching out to draw Suho closer, their chests pressed together. Suho kept his hips angled back, and Kris decided that it didn’t seem fair—Tao kept circling his hips against Kris’ ass, Kris was being given the best hand job of his life…who was taking care of Suho? So he let Suho’s fingers fall from his mouth and pressed a kiss to Suho’s lips, sucking on his tongue. Suho went limp against Kris, Kris could feel him shaking, and he slipped his hand into Suho’s pants, palming him through his underwear.

“Kris,” Tao whispered against Kris’ shoulder, “I want you to make Suho come. I’m not going to let you finish until he does.”

Kris pulled back indignantly—he was so close already, what was Tao playing at? But Suho groaned and bucked into Kris’ hand, and Kris realized how wet Suho’s underwear were…Suho was closer to coming than Kris had realized.

Suho, now the subject of Tao and Kris’ attention, hid his face in Kris’ shoulder and whimpered. Kris chuckled and turned his head to kiss Suho’s neck. In the next second Suho yelped as Tao grabbed his hair and pulled his head up for a kiss—the yelp cut off in a low whine. Kris traced his fingers lightly over the head of Suho’s cock, wondering how much longer he would last. He had his answer shortly after. Suho pulled away from Tao with a sharp cry, grinding harshly against Kris’ palm as he came.

Kris pulled his hand out of Suho’s pants to hold him up—his legs were shaking and he’d gone totally limp once more, his crotch pressed to Kris’ hip as he rode out his orgasm. He was shaking, panting, and Kris held him up and murmured softly in his ear even as Tao went back to getting him off.

“Always worried about others, even now,” Tao panted into Kris’ ear, raking his nails through Kris’ feathers. “Next time we do this maybe we should tie your hands to the headboard.”

Later Kris would insist that it was the promise of ‘next time’ rather than the rest of Tao’s sentence that had him coming all over Tao’s hand, his vision whiting out. He was dimly aware of Tao’s free hand wrapped across his chest, keeping him upright, and in another moment Tao’s hips stuttered against Kris back and he groaned deeply as he too reached his orgasm.

The three of them collapsed sideways on the bed all at once, still clinging to each other even though they were all sweaty and gross. Kris had Suho burrowed into his chest and Tao nestled against his back, and with the pleasant buzz from his orgasm still thrumming through his body he couldn’t really be bothered by the fact that he needed a shower and his shoulder was probably going to be sore in the morning from how he was lying on it.

“That was fun,” Kris sighed, Suho’s hair tickling his nose as he breathed. He picked his head up slightly, “We should really do this again some time.”

“We should do this all the time,” Tao countered breathlessly. “In fact, we should do it again, like right now. I think I have a few of those left in me.”

Kris laughed and Suho picked up his head to give them both a wide eyed look. “I need a few minutes. You two are insatiable.”

Kris looked over his shoulder and grinned at Tao. “Maybe we should both take care of Suho this time.”

Tao’s smile took on a smolder. “Oh, that would be fun. He was so responsive to you earlier…I wonder if we could get him to scream?”

Kris turned back to Suho. He was already flushed, his eyes glazed over. “Would you be up for that, Suho?” Kris asked. Tao pushed himself up on one arm to lean over Kris, gazing down at Suho.

Suho’s eyes flickered between Kris and Tao’s faces. “You serious?”

“Why not?” Tao murmured, leaning heavily on Kris as he reached over and traced Suho’s lips with his finger. “We’ve got all night, after all.”

Suho laughed breathlessly. “Well, when you put it like that…”

They weren’t tired anyway.


	61. Holding You Tight 2

Baekhyun took a deep breath. “Okay,” he huffed. “This time, it’ll be different.” He gripped Chanyeol’s shoulders, missing his boyfriend’s pained wince as he glared at the water. “This time, I want you to promise me something.”

Chanyeol looked up. Baekhyun was sitting on the edge of the pool, his legs wrapped around Chanyeol’s waist and his face slightly tear-stained. “That depends on what it is.” Chanyeol said flatly.

“I want you to promise me that you won’t take me back to the edge of the pool, not even if I cry.”

Chanyeol stared at him in horror. “No.”

Baekhyun kicked his hip. “It’s the only way! I have nothing to be afraid of and I know it! I don’t know why I’m reacting like this!”

Chanyeol came closer and stood on his toes to give Baekhyun a soft kiss. “Let’s just call it a day,” he whispered, rubbing Baekhyun’s arms soothingly. “You’ve done enough for today, let’s just go inside and snuggle, okay?”

Baekhyun shook his head. “I can’t do that yet. Please Chanyeol just keep me in the water for five minutes, and then we can go.”

Chanyeol looked pained, but he promised to do so. Baekhyun slipped off the edge of the pool and into Chanyeol’s waiting arms. Chanyeol backed up a little, and Baekhyun hid his face in Chanyeol’s neck as his heart rate picked up. He swallowed a whimper, not daring to look at how far they’d gone. Chanyeol rubbed his back, supporting Baekhyun’s thighs with only one arm.

“You’re shaking,” Chanyeol said, as if Baekhyun needed to be told. “Baby, it’s okay. I won’t let you get hurt, I promise.”

Baekhyun only clung tighter to Chanyeol’s neck and tried to count seconds in his head, but he kept losing track. Finally it got to be too much. “I can’t,” he gasped, tears springing to his eyes, “Chanyeol I can’t do it!”

Chanyeol bolted for the edge of the pool and lowered Baekhyun down as he started to cry. He held Baekhyun close as he sobbed, murmuring comforting words. Or he did until Baekhyun pulled back and hit him weakly on the shoulder.

“Damn it!” Baekhyun shouted, “You promised to keep me there!”

Chanyeol looked heartbroken. “You were scared! What was I supposed to do?”

“Keep your promise!” Baekhyun yelled. He pushed Chanyeol away and jumped to his feet, running away as fast as he could. He heard Chanyeol yelling after him and he threw up a wall of light, shielding his movements until he managed to get to the entrance to the hotel. Once inside he ran down one hallway after another and up and down so many flights of stairs that he lost track of where he was. He threw open a door and flung himself inside. It was a spectacular bedroom, and from the view Baekhyun could tell that he was higher up than any of them had gone yet. The room was huge, with not only a bedroom but also a sitting room and what looked like a work space.

Baekhyun wanted to curl up on the bed, but he was still wet and knew that he shouldn’t lay down in his wet shorts. Instead he went into the bathroom, which proved to be just as lovely and had a huge tub. He turned on the hot water and watched the tub fill, letting it get pretty deep before he finally turned off the tap. He was still in his swim shorts and t-shirt and not in a mood to part with either of them, so he lowered himself into the water fully clothed, sighing at how warm it was. The tub was big enough for him to stretch out his legs and slouch down without being uncomfortable. He slumped until the water reached his chin and glowered. He was totally fine in the bathtub, what made the pool so scary?

His eyes filled with tears again as he thought of Chanyeol’s face. Baekhyun really wasn’t fair to him, he knew that. He owed Chanyeol an apology…actually he owed Chanyeol much more than that. He owed Chanyeol a total personality change. But Chanyeol knew what he was like, he knew Baekhyun wasn’t good at expressing himself.

Baekhyun sat up and drew his knees to his chest, hunching over as he started to cry again. He felt so awful for what he’d said. He couldn’t really have expected something like that of Chanyeol, he was being unrealistic and unfair.

There was a knock on the bathroom door. “Baekhyun? It’s Kris, can I come in?”

Baekhyun wasn’t even aware that he’d shut the door, but he supposed it had been habit. He splashed some water on his face and took a deep breath. “Yeah, you can come in.”

Kris entered slowly, and Baekhyun was relieved to see that he was alone. He wasn’t ready to face Chanyeol yet. Kris sat on the edge of the tub and ran a hand through Baekhyun’s hair. “You okay?”

Baekhyun’s lip quivered and he bit down on it harshly, but it didn’t stop the tears. He lowered his head to his knees, just barely poking out of the water. “Everyone’s having so much fun,” he whimpered, “Everyone except me and Chanyeol—and it’s completely my fault.” His voice broke so badly on the last word that it came out as a squeak. He started sobbing, barely registering Kris’ hand rubbing his back. Eventually Kris started petting his hair, something that had always calmed him in the past, and slowly Baekhyun’s sobs quieted.

“What’s wrong with me?” He asked tiredly. “Why can’t I do this?” He turned his head so he could face Kris, and Kris wiped at his tears with his thumb.

“I think that you’re being far too hard on yourself. And now I think I know why.” Kris smiled a little sadly. “You know Baekhyun, you don’t need to learn to swim to have fun here. Not everyone enjoys the ocean, and Chanyeol knows that too. You two don’t need to be together twenty four hours a day in order to have fun.”

“But it would be better if we were,” Baekhyun whined. “And I want to learn to swim, I really do! This is for me as much as it is Chanyeol!”

Kris kneeled on the floor and leaned over the edge of the tub to wrap Baekhyun up in a tight hug. “I know, you don’t have to convince me.”

Baekhyun leaned into Kris and then quickly pulled away. “I’m getting you all wet.”

“I was wet already,” Kris promised, standing up to how Baekhyun his wet swimming shorts. “You know what, scoot over, I’m cold and that water looks warm.”

Baekhyun grinned weakly and scooted. Kris slid in next to him, wrapping an arm around his shoulders. Baekhyun snuggled into Kris’ chest, forever awed at the difference between the two of them. When they’d gotten older puberty hit Kris like a train, giving him long legs, broad shoulders, and a much deeper voice, while Baekhyun was still slight and small. Kris was the kind of person who looked like he could crush someone if he wanted to, when in fact he was the most sweet person Baekhyun had ever met (besides Suho). At times like this it gave Baekhyun hope that he wasn’t forever doomed to the image he’d had since he was a child—snarky, cold, and a little bit wicked. If Kris could go from looking like some kind of demon (with his wings out behind him and a glare that could scare a tiger off) to quite literally flailing at the sight of a puppy, well why couldn’t Baekhyun do the same thing?

But as nice as Kris was, it didn’t mean he held back from telling things like they were.

“You know, you can’t hide here forever,” Kris reminded him. “As nice as it is, you’ll have to get out at some point.”

“You too,” Baekhyun countered, elbowing Kris.

“Well yes, but I’m not the one hiding from my boyfriend.”

“Oh,” Baekhyun whispered. “Did he…um, tell you what I said?”

“Kind of, you asked him to keep you in the pool, and got upset when he didn’t. Right?”

“It wasn’t fair of me,” Baekhyun said in a small voice.

“No, it wasn’t,” Kris agreed, frowning at Baekhyun. “He’s not sure if he should be more worried or angry.”

“Probably both.”

“Yes, that’s what I told him before I went off to find you. But at the same time I understand that you were very emotional and not reacting well.”

Baekhyun fingered the now-wet feathers on Kris’ wings. “I don’t do it on purpose,” he mumbled. “I need an attitude adjustment.”

“Well, that’s not something that’s going to happen overnight,” Kris reminded him. “From what I can tell, you’ve improved a lot. You had a very traumatic experience growing up and it’s understandable for your emotions to get out of hand and for you to react in ways you don’t mean to or even want to.”

Baekhyun was confused. “If you understand, then why does it sound like you’re scolding me?”

Kris huffed, “Because you _ran away_ when things got out of hand.” He reached out and cupped Baekhyun’s face in his hands, keeping him from lowering his head. “I know it’s scary sometimes, when things go wrong and you take it out on the ones you love, but you don’t do yourself any favors by just up and running away. If you need space then say so and let Chanyeol know where you’re going. You can have your space, but you cannot shut Chanyeol out in the process.”

Baekhyun bit his lip again as a few tears slipped down his cheeks. Kris wiped them away. “Oh, Baekhyun.” he sighed, “You are so sweet. I know you don’t believe it but you are nice and we all know how much you care about all of us. But you’re so used to running, and Chanyeol is so used to it, that neither of you realize that it does more harm than good. But now you know, and now you two can talk about it.”

Kris lowered his hands and Baekhyun leaned against his chest, hiccuping on sobs. “You know, if I were Chanyeol, I’d hate me.”

“No you wouldn’t,” Kris laughed, “If you were Chanyeol, you’d be able to forgive anything. Now this water is getting cold, so how about we go dry off and find Chanyeol?”

Baekhyun clung to his hand. “But I don’t know what to say to him! Kris, help me! You know everything!”

Kris hauled Baekhyun to his feet and gave him a slight shake. “You do know what to say. I will go with you, but it’s time for you to start having some faith in yourself.”

“I have faith in myself!” Baekhyun sputtered.

“Then start having faith in yourself even when you’re unsure and lost,” Kris amended. “Being off center doesn’t mean you suddenly lose your wits. You’re still you, even when you’re not feeling your best, and you have it in yourself to navigate your way out of anything.”

He handed Baekhyun a towel and Baekhyun took it, glowering. “You’re so much better at this than me.”

“Because I have practice, and once you start opening your mouth instead of running, you’ll be just as good as me. Now come on, let’s get out of here.”

Chanyeol was waiting for Baekhyun in the lobby. Once they were done hugging and crying and blubbering all over each other, Kris suggested to the two of them that (in an effort to help Baekhyun swim and keep Chanyeol from crying in the process) Baekhyun’s swimming lessons become more public. He then suggested, as delicately as he could, that perhaps Chanyeol, while meaning well, had not been the best choice to help Baekhyun get used to the water. Especially if Baekhyun wanted to take a hard approach to his problem.

“However you, Baekhyun,” Kris continued, “Need to realize that throwing yourself headfirst into your fear may not be the best thing either.”

“But I’m not afraid! Well…not really.”

“Even so,” Kris went on, “You may want to try a different approach.”

“Like what?” Baekhyun and Chanyeol asked together.

Kris thought about it for a moment. “How about instead of carrying Baekhyun into the water, the two of you go in together, and you can hold hands and hug or whatever you like, but Baekhyun enters at his own pace and only advances when he feels comfortable. It may take longer,” he had to raise his voice as Baekhyun started to protest, “But we’ve been here all of six days and we’re not leaving just yet. You have some time.”

Baekhyun opened his mouth, closed it again, thought for a second, and then sighed. “Okay, I’ll think about it.” Then he looked over at Chanyeol. “I mean…we’ll talk about it.”

* * *

It was kind of shocking that they had been here for so long and yet never put the pool to its full use. So far only Chanyeol and Baekhyun had ever gone in it, and they hadn’t exactly enjoyed it. The pool was long enough that if two people stood on opposite sides of it, they would need to shout to be heard. They were mostly sticking to the shallow end, occasionally the better swimmers (Lu Han and Suho) would go into the deeper end, but they’d come back quickly.

“This is much nicer than the ocean,” Kai said as he kicked his feet in the water, turning in a lopsided circle. He was clinging to some kind of foam board which helped keep his chest afloat. Baekhyun had thrown it to him after seeing him make a truly awful attempt at the doggy paddle. “At least here we don’t have to worry about the waves.”

“I like the waves,” Lu Han called over, “But it is nice to actually be able to swim.”

Baekhyun had been sitting on the edge of the pool and watching Lu Han for a while—Sehun was throwing coins into the deep end and Lu Han was diving down to catch them. How exactly that was considered fun was beyond Baekhyun’s comprehension but if Lu Han was enjoying it then who was he to judge? Aside from Lu Han, Baekhyun was also keeping an eye on Kris, but only because he’d never actually seen Kris’ wings get completely wet before. It was really something to watch Kris move around in the water, the weight of the wet feathers making his wings drag behind him. Earlier Tao had asked Kris to open his wings completely, and Kris had actually laid flat on the bottom of the pool before unfolding his wings. It was amazing to see from above the water, and Baekhyun found himself wondering how the individual feathers would look when submerged. Would they still be fluffy and loose, or would they clump together? He didn’t think it was likely he’d ever find out, he couldn’t even be in the water for a few minutes never mind put his head under water.

Baekhyun sighed heavily, and it didn’t escape Chanyeol’s attention. He was close at hand as always, in the pool, leaning against the wall with his shoulder just brushing Baekhyun’s calves. A little too close. “Are you okay? Do you need anything?”

‘ _I need the Tree to put a block on my fear_ ,’ Baekhyun thought, but he didn’t dare say it out loud, it was too sensitive of a topic. “I’m just being wistful,” he said with a careless wave, “Don’t mind me.”

“I’ll always mind you.”

Baekhyun felt a flash of annoyance. “That’s not what I meant.”

Chanyeol moved around and stood in front of Baekhyun, slouching so he could rest his chin on Baekhyun’s knees. “I know. But it’s true anyway.”

Baekhyun’s annoyance disappeared and he smiled, brushing Chanyeol’s bangs away from his eyes. “I’ll always mind you too, you know. You don’t have to stay right next to me, why don’t you go play with Kris or something? I’m going to go up to our room.”

Chanyeol looked unsure. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine, I promise, I…I want to go mess around with my gift for a little while.”

Chanyeol looked surprised for a second before he smiled. “Okay babe. Have fun.” And then he braced his hands on either side of Baekhyun’s legs and pushed himself up to give Baekhyun a sweet kiss.

When Baekhyun was sure that Chanyeol was having fun, he got up and started to make his way back to the hotel. He’d gone a fair distance when he heard footsteps behind him. He sighed, figuring it was Chanyeol, but when he turned around it was Kyungsoo who was running after him.

“Hi,” Kyungsoo panted when he’d caught up. “Mind if I hang out with you for a bit? I don’t feel like swimming anymore.”

Baekhyun grinned. “Sure, I was going to go play around with some light, that sound like fun?”

“It sounds relaxing,” Kyungsoo said with a smile. “Which sounds like fun.”

They continued on with their arms linked together, walking in comfortable silence until they got to the hotel.

“Wanna grab something to eat?” Kyungsoo asked. “We could sneak some tuna.”

“I like the way you think!” Baekhyun had forgotten that Kyungsoo had a bit of a mischievous streak in him as well.

In the kitchen they sliced some meat off a tuna chunk and grabbed one of the leftover crabs and two sodas before dashing up the stairs. None of them wanted to risk taking the elevator and possibly getting stuck, but the stairs weren’t exactly fun. They were both winded by the time they got to Baekhyun’s room.

“I hate stairs,” Kyungsoo panted as he put the plate of tuna on the spare bed. Once it was secure he promptly flopped onto the floor, flat on his back. “Baekhyun, am I out of shape?”

“You are perfectly in shape—the shape of a pillow,” Baekhyun laughed as he sat next to Kyungsoo. “Soft and squishy and—ouch!” He rubbed his ankle where Kyungsoo had pinched him. “You are in the same shape as all of us. We’re all out of breath.”

Kyungsoo groaned. “We should all work out more.”

“Who are we going to work out for?”

“Kai works out.”

“Kai works out because he wants to impress Chen,” Baekhyun sniffed. “He has _dongsang_ syndrome.”

Kyungsoo sat up and looked at Baekhyun weirdly. “What the heck is that?”

“It’s when you’re in love with someone who’s older than you, so you compensate for the age gap in some other way.”

“Oh,” Kyungsoo smirked. “Like when Sehun was trying to prove that he was a sex expert?”

“Exactly.”

“Tao’s not like that though.”

Baekhyun snorted. “Tao doesn’t need to compensate, he can actually look pretty fierce when he wants to. It’s his eyes, there’s something about them that just makes him look like…I don’t know. Like a tiger.”

“Yeah, but he’s more like a house cat,” Kyungsoo giggled. “Cute and fluffy.”

Baekhyun grinned, imagining Tao as a fluffy cat. “He’d make a good cat, but he wouldn’t be much of a mouser.”

Kyungsoo sat up and grabbed the plate with the tuna, balancing it on his lap so he and Baekhyun could pick at it. “I’ve missed hanging out with you,” he said suddenly. “We used to do this all the time when we were kids.”

Baekhyun nodded, feeling a little guilty. “I know, I think we’re all starting to realize that we kind of…lost touch with each other for a little while.”

“When everyone started pairing off.”

Baekhyun took another bite of tuna and chewed slowly, wondering how he should ask what he wanted to ask. They finished the tuna and the crab and Baekhyun still hadn’t quite figured out how to phrase his question.

Again, Kyungsoo spoke up. “I know what you’re thinking, just ask, go on.”

“You, Xiumin and Yixing aren’t…you’ve never thought about making something work between the three of you? Like what Suho, Kris and Tao have?”

“I haven’t,” Kyungsoo said firmly. “Not seriously. We did talk about it once, but we all agreed that it would never work. We don’t feel that way about each other, and I don’t know about Yixing but Xiumin is definitely not interested in guys.”

Baekhyun nodded. He could respect their choices, but he was still worried. “Are you rooming with them?”

“We’re good friends, but I wouldn’t say I love them any more or less than I love the rest of you.”

“Don’t you get…you know, lonely?” Baekhyun pressed.

Kyungsoo paused. “I used to, but I’m starting to think that maybe that was more because of my gift. I really feel a lot better now and…any way I just know that someday I’ll fall in love. Forever is too long not to meet the one who’s perfect for me.”

Baekhyun smiled. “That’s a good way to look at it. I’m glad you’re so positive. You know, feel free to whack me over the head if you feel like I’m ignoring you.”

“I’ll keep that in mind,” Kyungsoo laughed. Then he stood up. “I’m going to go change, okay? These shorts are starting to chafe.”

Baekhyun stood up as well. “Okay, I’ll change too. Knock when you get back.”

As soon as Kyungsoo had shut the door behind him, Baekhyun stripped off his wet clothes and changed into a pair of jeans and a t-shirt. He forewent socks, preferring bare feet. He put his wet things in the bathtub and began preparing the room for what he was about to do. The shades that covered the windows were a good quality and in very good shape, they blocked the light quite nicely. He made sure to turn on the lamp before he pulled the shades down and tugged the curtains over them, effectively blocking as much sunlight as possible. Kyungsoo came back just as Baekhyun started to unpack his collection.

“What’s all this?” Kyungsoo asked, gesturing at the boxes laid out on the bed.

“My toys,” Baekhyun said, grinning at Kyungsoo’s confused look. In lieu of an explanation, Baekhyun simply took the lid off one of the boxes.

“Oh my god,” Kyungsoo gasped when he saw what was inside.

Baekhyun couldn't remember what had been in the box, so he looked down as well. It was a ruby and diamond necklace, a great one but not the best. “Oh wow, this isn’t even the best one.”

Kyungsoo gaped at him.

“It’s great, don’t get me wrong,” he said quickly. “But I have one that’s even better.” He located the correct box and handed it to Kyungsoo.

“It’s so heavy!” Kyungsoo cried. “I’m afraid to look.”

“Go on, look at it!” Baekhyun insisted.

Kyungsoo braced himself and lifted the lid. Baekhyun smirked as Kyungsoo’s jaw dropped again—it was a really amazing necklace, the sheer number of diamonds was incredible. “By the Tree, people actually wore these things?! It’s so heavy and…and…gosh, I’d be afraid it would fall off.” He eyed the rest of the boxes. “How many of these do you even have?”

“None like that,” Baekhyun said. “The first one you saw and the one you’re holding are easily the best parts of my collection. The rest are bracelets and rings, I have five…no, six loose diamonds and one loose sapphire. I also have a few pieces that are fake—some are glass, some are quartz, some are this thing I don’t even know what it is but it’s not a diamond. It sparkles, which is great but…” he shrugged. “Anyway, I started collecting these things the second we landed.” He started to unpack everything and lay the pieces out on the bed. He kept the loose stones in their box (one that latched closed) but made sure the box was close by. “You’re actually the only one besides Chanyeol and myself to see the whole thing like this. I think the others know I collect these things, they just don’t know how many I have.”

“How many do you have?” Kyungsoo asked.

“The two necklaces that you saw—they’re the only ones with jewels all the way around. I have three other necklaces with simpler designs, the loose stones, ten ‘real’ bracelets, fifteen fake ones, twenty eight rings, and thirty seven earrings.”

The collection was slowly taking over the bed. Kyungsoo scooted up to the pillows, watching Baekhyun arrange and rearrange everything. “Thirty seven earrings?”

“I don’t have all the pairs,” Baekhyun said regretfully. “And I’m only collecting rings and bracelets with genuine stones. Chanyeol’s idea, not mine.”

Kyungsoo laughed. “You’re pouty because of that?”

“Well, he had a point,” Baekhyun admitted. “If I collected everything I saw, I wouldn’t be able to carry it all. As you can see, it’s already getting kind of out of hand.”

“So what are you going to do when it does get to be too much?”

“What are all of us going to do? I guess when we get back to the Tree, I’ll have to leave a few things behind. We’ll have to find a safe house where we can put all our stuff. But in the meantime I’m going to enjoy this while I can.” With that he finished his arrangements. He leaned over and flicked the lamp off.

“Hey!” Kyungsoo cried as the room was plunged into darkness. “What the heck?”

“Are you ready to see something cool?”

“Yeah sure, what—oh.”

Baekhyun held a ball of light in his hand. He concentrated hard and very slowly, the ball of light floated out of his hand and hovered over the gems. Kyungsoo’s eyes were glued to the bed, taking in the way the stones shimmered in the light. Baekhyun tapped his arm.

“Look up.”

Kyungsoo did and he gasped again. “By the Tree.”

The room was full of rainbows. The ceiling, the walls, even Baekhyun and Kyungsoo were splashed in rainbows, thanks to some creative positioning of the rings.

“I can see why you collect these things, this is amazing.” He pointed at the ball of light. “ _That’s_ amazing. How are you doing that?”

“I’ve been working on it for a while now, I don’t know how I can do it, I’ve never known how I was able to create light from nothing. To be honest I think not knowing makes me more powerful in that respect. But anyway, watch this…”

He made the ball float in a circle around the bed, the rainbows on the walls twirling and shifting with it. Baekhyun didn’t even have to focus all that much to keep it going, and he lost himself in the movement of the rainbows and flashes of light as they circled the room.

It was a while before either of them spoke again.

“Are you crying?”

“I always cry when I do this,” Baekhyun sniffled. He wiped his eyes. “You’re crying too.”

Kyungsoo laughed, but Baekhyun could see the tears shining on his cheeks. “Yeah, I guess I am. It’s like watching stars. It’s like…”

“Like watching an entire galaxy move,” Baekhyun whispered. “Stars and planets all moving around you. It’s an amazing feeling.”

“It really is.”

After a few more minutes they agreed that it was time to go back outside, as they were probably being missed. Kyungsoo helped Baekhyun pack everything up again, but Baekhyun noticed that Kyungsoo seemed to have something on his mind.

“Anything you want to talk about?”

Kyungsoo paused in putting a few rings away. “I don’t know…maybe.”

He didn’t say anything after that, and Baekhyun didn’t push until after everything was put away. Only then did he take hold of Kyungsoo’s hands and give him a serious look. “Did something happen? did I make you uncomfortable or anything?”

“No, no, it’s nothing like that it’s just…” he took a deep breath. “I had a vision the other day while I was meditating.”

“A vision?” Baekhyun repeated excitedly. “Of what?”

“Of the future.”

“Tell me!” Baekhyun pleaded. “Come on, we hardly ever have visions of the future, why didn’t you say something sooner?”

“It’s confusing, I don’t know what to make of it. I saw…I saw Guardians. At least I think that’s what they were—they were powerful, and unfamiliar, and there were eleven males.”

“The eleventh generation!”

“Most likely,” Kyungsoo agreed.

“Wait,” Baekhyun said suddenly. “You said eleven males.”

“There were twelve people, but the twelfth…I couldn’t tell the gender. I didn’t see their faces but I just knew that eleven were males and one was…not.”

“Was it female?” Baekhyun pressed. “Are the future generations going to be mixed?”

“I thought that too, but the more I think about it the more I realize that the person wasn’t female either.”

Baekhyun was stumped. “What does that even mean?”

“I don’t know, but I am stuck on that person. It’s only been a few days but I can’t stop thinking about them.”

Baekhyun heaved a sigh. “Well, it’s going to be a few hundred years before your vision comes true and we figure out what happened. Don’t stress about it, okay?” But he could tell his warnings were going unheard.

* * *

It was the second day of public swimming lessons and three days since Baekhyun’s moment with Kyungsoo. After telling Baekhyun about his vision, Kyungsoo had sworn him to secrecy, saying he didn’t want to raise any questions before he had a chance to talk to the Tree. Baekhyun didn’t see the big deal but he really didn’t care, he had bigger fish to fry. He was trying something new, as Kris had suggested, he would walk into the water and only go deeper when he felt comfortable enough to do so. Yesterday he’d barely made it up to his waist before he’d given up, but that had been because of an oncoming storm. Today though, he was not going to give up. He wasn’t.

Chanyeol was on his left side, and Kris on his right. They were each holding one of his hands—or rather Baekhyun had their hands in a tight grip while he struggled to keep calm. The others were all gathered on the side of the pool, for moral support, or so they claimed. Baekhyun knew they were trying not to stare and make him uncomfortable, he could hear them talking amongst themselves.

Baekhyun was once again up to his waist his, and he’d been standing in the same spot for the last half hour, willing himself to calm down. it wasn’t working.

Kris rubbed his back in small circles. “You can take a break if you want.”

“I’m fine,” Baekhyun ground out from between his teeth. His jaw was clenched to keep his teeth from chattering.

“You’re shivering,” Chanyeol said. “Not shaking, shivering. And your lips are blue.”

“So heat up the water,” Baekhyun growled. “I’m not leaving.”

From the edge of the pool Suho called, “There’s nothing wrong with taking a break to warm up.”

“I don’t care!” Baekhyun shouted, tears stinging his eyes. He closed his eyes, trying to squeeze the tears in. “I can do this, I will do this! I refuse to be afraid anymore, I am stronger than this, I will not let my fears win out, I won’t, I won’t! I’m not scared!”

“Baekhyun!” Chanyeol cried.

“What?!”

“Open your eyes!”

Baekhyun did so and gasped sharply. The water was up to his chest. He quickly looked around—he’d gone deeper into the pool without even realizing it. “What…when…did I do this? Or did you guys…?”

“You did this all on your own,” Kris laughed. “You just started walking, we were running to keep up with you, didn’t you notice?”

“No! I mean, maybe? I wasn’t thinking…”

“It doesn’t matter,” Chanyeol said gleefully. “You did it Baekhyun, you did it! Look at how deep you are and you’re not even afraid!”

Baekhyun let go of Kris and Chanyeol’s hands, spreading his arms out in the water. He spun around, hopped a little, and then he started to laugh.

“I’m not scared,” he repeated, choking back tears. “I’m not scared…” he started to cry.

“Baekhyun? Are you okay?” Chanyeol asked at once, fussing over him. “Do you want to get out?”

“No,” Baekhyun sobbed. “I’m really happy, by the Tree I’m so happy…”

“Then why are you crying?” Kris laughed. He hugged Baekhyun tightly, and Chanyeol quickly joined in, the two of them sandwiching him. Baekhyun could hear his brothers laughing and clapping from the edge of the pool. He still hadn’t learned to swim, and that would be a hurdle he’d need to conquer another day. For now, Baekhyun was just so happy to get over his fear.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original Notes:  
> UUUGH. This chapter was so hard to write. I actually started it weeks ago, but it had ended after the scene with Baekhyun, Chanyeol and Kris talking after Baekhyun ran off. then I started writing the OT3 scene and well, that just needed it’s own separate (which is why it seems to pick up in the middle of nowhere—it happens like in the middle of this drabble). Then I had intense writer’s block and last night it was just like BOOM the scene of Kyungsoo and Baekhyun in the dark surrounded by jewels hit me and I was off.
> 
> So anyway I hope you all enjoyed this chapter, leave me a comment if you did!


	62. Don't Hug Me I'm Scared

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Don’t Hug Me I’m Scared AKA The Guardians discover K-Pop while vacationing in China. Oh yes I did.  
> Continuity: They're still at the beach [and never leaving be happy my babies be happy forever]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These are two scenarios I've had in my head for a while now and I couldn't figure out quite how to connect them to the story, so now you get these two weirdly placed kind of add-ons without any real significance to the story at large except for maybe character development (?). Enjoy!

It had been a while since Kris had been woken up by fists hammering on his door—for a moment he had flashbacks to late nights at the Sanctuary, when one of the kids would have a nightmare and come pound his door down. But he wasn’t at the Sanctuary, and it was early morning, and everyone knew he was in bed with Suho and Tao for a reason, so why was someone bothering him?

Kris hauled himself out of bed just as the person on the other side of the door started to yell.

“Open up, open this door right now oh my god I need help!”

Kris picked up his pace—it was Chen. When he opened the door Chen practically threw himself at Kris, his eyes full of tears and face bloodless with fright.

“Kris!” He wailed, “It’s broken!”

He held out his hands and Kris frantically took whatever was in them away before Chen could drop it—his hands were shaking something awful. Then when he actually _saw_ what Chen had, he was immensely confused.

“Chen, isn’t this a music player?”

Chen sobbed and grabbed Kris arm, shaking him. “It’s broken! It was working one second and then it went black I don’t know what I did but fix it, please fix it!”

Kris shuffled Chen out into the hallway and closed the door. “Shush,” he commanded crossly, “Honestly, you woke me up at the crack of dawn because of this? The battery probably just died.”

“How do I make it work again?”

“You have lightning as a gift!”

“But it’s too small for that!” Chen cried, jumping a little in distress. “What do I do? You don’t understand, I need this thing to work!” He started crying even harder. “Make it work, make it work!!”

It is far too early for Kris to know what to do with a weeping Chen, so he puts his hands on Chen’s shoulders and made him hold still. “Take it easy, I will help you.”

“Good!” Chen screamed, and he grabbed Kris’ hand and pulled him towards the stairs. “Let’s go, let’s go right now, here we go where are we going?”

“By the Tree,” Kris sighed, trailing helplessly after Chen. He’d wanted to go back to bed for a while longer, or at least reassure Suho and Tao that everything was okay, as there was no way they hadn’t been woken by Chen’s shouts. Chen dragged Kris all the way down the stairs and to the lobby before rounding on him again.

“Now, what do we do first?”

“We go find a car, and then we drive around to different houses until we find what we’re looking for.”

“And what are we looking for?” Chen almost shrieked, pulling on Kris’ arm. “Tell me!”

“Alright, give me a second,” Kris snapped, pulling his arm away. “We’ll be looking for a white cord with two silver prongs on the end of it, the prongs plug into a socket—we see them all the time on walls. But before we go out and look I need to go get something to eat.” And without waiting for a response, Kris marched off to the kitchen. there were packets of instant coffee in one of the giant freezers, and they seemed to never expire, which was good news for Kris. He heated some water and made some toast, for Chen and himself. Chen hadn’t followed him into the kitchen, and Kris started to feel a little guilty for yelling at him.

Kris didn’t stop to eat, simply taking the coffee and the plate of toast along with him as he went back to the lobby. Chen was standing exactly where Kris had left him, anxiously staring at the music player. Kris was once again seized with guilt. “Okay, now we can go,” he mumbled, shoving the toast at Chen. “Eat.”

“I can’t,” Chen whimpered. “My stomach hurts, I’m too stressed.”

“It’s nothing to be stressed about, we’ll fix it, I promise.”

They went outside to the car they’d been driving around. It still had a fair amount of gas in it, and they’d managed to find a few portable containers of gas as well, which would keep the car going for a while. That would be helpful, considering Kris had no idea how far they needed to go. He knew this type of music player was very popular, but he didn’t know how many working charging cords there were. He sipped his coffee thoughtfully, trying to decide where to start. There was a very wealthy-seeming neighborhood about a five minute drive away, so he figured it would be best to start there.

“Okay,” he said more to himself than Chen, “Let’s get on with it.” He chugged the rest of his coffee before he started driving—there was no way he’d be able to keep the open cup from spilling in the car. He wasn’t particularly good at driving, but he was better than the others, and he liked to thank his experience with flight for that. It was still pretty hard for him to increase and decrease the speed of the car without causing it to jerk to a halt or else make the tires squeal, and it was especially difficult in a situation like this where Kris needed to go around corners and squeeze past abandoned cars. Chen didn’t complain about the less than smooth ride, he spent the entire time staring down at the music player with tears in his eyes.

The first house they went to had an impressive front door, and they had to break a window to get in. Kris thought they’d have success there, but alas there was no charging cord to be found. Though it was possible that Chen destroyed it by accident in his search—he quite literally tore the house apart trying to find it. They did find a bunch of CDs, which Chen promptly took with him, muttering that if he couldn’t have the music player he might as well have something.

At the second house Kris did find a cord, but it was the wrong kind. He thought Chen was going to throw a fit when he explained that it was the wrong kind of charging cord.

“This is impossible,” Chen wailed, tugging at his hair in frustration. “There are so many houses! What if we never find the right cord? What if we find it and it’s broken?!”

“Don’t count on it being broken, these things take forever to decompose.” However, that news didn’t seem to improve Chen’s mood.

They struck gold with the third house—in the first bedroom they walked into, they saw a white charging cord sitting right on the bed. Chen plugged the thing into the wall right away, and with shaking hands he connected it to his music player.

“We don’t even know if this house had power,” Kris began, but then the music player’s screen lit up.

“IT’S ALIVE!” Chen shrieked, sinking to his knees as he hugged the device to his chest and cried.

Alarmed, Kris knelt next to him and put a hand on his shoulder. “Calm down Chen, this is really not—” He cut off with a grunt as Chen hugged him so suddenly and fiercely that they both fell over. Kris thought it would be ironic if they ended up breaking the music player in that moment, but it turned out that Chen had placed it on the floor when Kris hadn’t been looking.

“Thank you so much,” Chen sobbed, “Thank you, thank you, thank you! You have no idea—I was so scared gege, I thought it was broken forever…” and he trailed off in tears.

Kris’ heart constricted when he heard Chen call him ‘gege,’ it had been years since Chen had called him that. He gently maneuvered Chen around so that they were sitting against the wall, holding him carefully. “Do you want to tell me why this is so important?”

Chen sniffled, wiping his face. “It’s…it’s kind of dumb, I’m sorry I woke you up for this.”

Kris felt like such a massive jerk, hearing that. “No, it’s okay, I’m the one who should be sorry, and I am. I shouldn’t have snapped at you.” He laid his hand on Chen’s back, gently tracing his spine. “Are you okay?”

Chen shrugged, leaning against Kris’ arm. “The music…it’s um…it’s in a language that sounds like Northern dialect. Some of it even sounds like Southern dialect. And I just…I was so happy to hear it,” Chen was still crying, wiping at the tears as they fell. “I don’t know how to explain it, but I just missed hearing those languages so much. I know we talk all the time but it’s just our voices, and I missed…back ground noise, I guess.”

“That’s not dumb at all, I’m so sorry I was short with you earlier, even if I didn’t know why you were so adamant I shouldn’t have spoken to you like that. It’s not dumb for you to miss hearing your native language. I missed it all the time when I first moved to the North.”

Chen took a few deep breaths, calming himself down. He shifted so that he was leaning against Kris’ chest, and Kris couldn’t help but to grin as he wrapped his wings around Chen’s shoulders, his hands going around his waist.

“Bird hug,” the two of them whispered at the same time, and then they both laughed.

“I’ve missed this,” Chen said quietly. “Not just your wings I mean, I’ve…missed you.”

Kris hummed. “I missed you too, my real baby.” He didn’t miss the way Chen blushed.

“That was a long time ago,” Chen protested. “I’m not a baby anymore.”

Kris didn’t quite agree with that though. Chen was in a strange place as far as age went. Their group could be divided into three parts—the oldest, the middle, and the youngest—with four people in each part. While it was true that Chen was one of the four middle, he was the younger of the four. Not quite a baby, but still…“You know how Kai is Suho’s baby even now?”

“That’s a completely different situation.”

“Not really, I mean I’d like to think I helped you in many similar ways. You know I really wasn’t surprised when you and Kai admitted that you were together, even when you were kids Lu Han used to say—”

“Lu Han?” Chen interrupted, “What’s he got to do with this?”

“Lu Han sees all, he used to say all the time that Kai had a massive crush on you that he had no idea what to do with, and there was no way anyone could help him, or you. You two needed to figure it out for yourselves and all.”

“Oh,” Chen said quietly. Then, “How did you feel about it?”

“You and Kai? I was happy for you.”

Chen turned around a little, craning his neck to look over his shoulder at Kris. “Kai kept apologizing to me in the beginning, because he’d teased me a lot when we were kids. He thought he’s ruined any chance he had to even be my friend. Why would he think that?”

Kris thought for a moment about his answer. “Well, sometimes love can make you insecure. I’m sure I don’t need to tell you what it’s like to be in love, I mean you’re essentially laying out everything you are to someone else, even the parts of yourself that you’re not too happy with. It’s risky, especially if you don’t know how the other person feels.”

“He had to know that I would forgive him though, do I seem like the kind of person that would hold a grudge?”

Kris hooked his chin over Chen’s shoulder and sighed. “Come on, you know what Kai’s like. He has a lot of things he can’t even forgive himself for, never mind forgive others for, so it’s hard for him to accept it when people so readily forgive him.”

Chen nodded. “I thought you’d say that. It’s just so sad sometimes, to watch him beat himself up over things that happened so long ago.” He hesitated for a moment. “You and Suho used to get into some pretty bad fights too.”

Kris was startled. “You knew about that?”

“Only later,” Chen assured. “But do you still feel bad about it?”

“Well, kind of, but we got over it pretty quickly after the fact.” Chen nodded and was quiet for a few seconds, then Kris posed a question. “How did you feel, hearing that I was with Suho and Tao?”

“Well, I mean you and Suho were always so close, it wasn’t such a surprise. Tao…I mean like you said, I was your baby. Tao was never really somebody you took care of the way you took care of me, but we all knew he meant a lot to you. It wasn’t so surprising to hear that they loved you and you loved them, it was more surprising to hear that they felt the same about each other.”

“Yeah, I was surprised too.”

“But everything’s good between you three, right?”

“Oh yeah.” Kris said quickly. “What about you and Kai?” He suddenly turned serious. “Oh my gosh, do you have any questions or anything? I never really asked you about that.”

“Oh god,” Chen groaned, “Kris please, don’t start with my sex life, I could probably teach you a thing or two.”

“Don’t sass me, you couldn’t even sit through a sex talk.”

“When I was a kid!”

“Hey by the way, when did we start saying ‘Oh my god?’”

Chen shrugged. “I don’t know, I think Baekhyun started it. It’s easier than By the Tree, I think. And I never really felt right saying that anyway.”

“Oh, okay then, I guess that makes sense. You know, we don’t have to stay here while it charges, we can bring the cord back to the hotel with us.”

“Right,” Chen laughed, “Yeah, we should do that so you can go back to sleep.”

And when they got back to the hotel, that was exactly what Kris planned to do. Chen scampered up to his room, but Kris trudged, his feet feeling like cement blocks as exhaustion overwhelmed him. When he got to his room, Tao and Suho were still there.

“I thought you two would be out enjoying the day,” Kris mumbled, kicking his shoes off.

“We decided to take a break,” Tao said, “But we were waiting for you to get back, too. What happened?”

“Chen needed me,” Kris said as he flopped onto the bed, working his way up to the pillows. “I’m going to sleep now.”

“Want us to stay with you?” Suho asked.

“Sure.”

* * *

After discovering so much music that was so similar to the Northern and Southern dialects, Chen had invited his brothers to what he called a ‘concert,’ a word he’d learned over the years. It was amazing to hear their language again, and to hear it in such a new way! They’d never heard music like that before.

But what fascinated Xiumin most was the pictures in the CDs. As he flipped through the pictures, he was positively mesmerized by what he saw. Some of the CDs came positively packed with pictures of the singers in the group, and they were all so beautiful! Their clothing was a bit weird—did they really need all those layers? And they had jewelry collections that, when combined, would rival all the pieces that Baekhyun had gathered. But what fascinated him the most were their eyes. They all lined their eyes with black pigment, sometimes the girls would use colors as well as the black, but black seemed to be a staple. Xiumin had seen such things all over this world, but he hadn’t really noticed how beautiful a person could be with such a simple change in their appearance. He wanted to give it a try.

Over the years he’d learned that it was called eyeliner, and it was sold in stores all over the place. He’d actually hidden some away in his bag a while ago, but only now that he’d seen the pictures in Chen’s CDs did he remember that he wanted to try it.

The day after the concert in Chen’s room, Xiumin dug the eyeliner out of his bag (thinking it strange and oddly appropriate that it was shaped like a pencil) and stood in front of the mirror in his, Lay’s and Kyungsoo’s shared bathroom. The other two were outside, and Xiumin had the room all to himself for now, but he had no idea when Lay and Kyungsoo would come back and he didn’t want to be hiding in the bathroom when they did. He just didn’t know how he was supposed to start! He had a few CDs in the bathroom with him, open to some examples of spectacular eyeliner. Xiumin had decided to keep the lines thin, because he didn’t know how it would look, and figured that he could always make them thicker later if he wanted to. He’d drawn a few lines on his hand already, and was gathering up the courage to draw on his eyelids.

“This is bizarre,” he muttered to himself. He closed his right eye and pulled the skin tight at the corner of the upper lid, giving himself an even surface to draw on. Taking a deep breath he lightly pressed the tip of the pencil against his eyelid. He ended up having to press a bit harder, all the while a fraid that he would poke his eye out by accident. Even so, he managed to keep his hand steady and when he was done he was already shocked by the transformation. Feeling much braver, he filled in the lower lid as well, though he had to wipe away some of the excess on that one. He then connected the lines at the outer corner of his eye and stood back to look.

“Wow,” he breathed. “This is so cool!”

He quickly drew on the other eye as well, and as shocking as it had been before, the result from both was even more of a surprise. He didn’t think the eyeliner looked as good as that of the people in the pictures, but it was good enough.

Pleased with himself he exited the bathroom to put the eyeliner away, and walked right into Lay.

“Oh,” Lay huffed, “I’m sorry Xiu—” He cut off with a gasp and his jaw dropped. “By the Tree!”

“What?” Xiumin asked, “Are you okay?”

“Who are you?!” Lay yelped.

Xiumin gasped in shock. “Oh no, Lay! Did you hit your head or something, what happened?” He anxiously pressed a hand to Lay’s hand, feeling for a fever.

Lay instantly relaxed. “Oh, Xiumin, there you are.”

Xiumin pulled back, confused. “What are you talking about?”

Lay shook his head and grabbed Xiumin’s hand. “Come with me for a second?”

“Sure,” Xiumin said, bewildered as he followed Lay. They went downstairs and headed towards to the pool.

“Hey guys!” Lay shouted as they approached. “Look who I brought!”

Tao, Lu Han, Chanyeol and Kyungsoo turned around, and all three of them gasped in shock.

“What the—Xiumin?” Tao yelped, leaping to his feet. “Xiumin, is that you?”

“Y-yes,” Xiumin stuttered, looking between them. “What’s going on?”

Hearing the worry in Xiumin’s tone, the others looked over as well and had similar reactions.

“What is going on?” Xiumin demanded. “Why are you guys staring me like that?”

“Your eyes,” Sehun breathed, “They’re…”

“You look _hot_!” Lu Han crowed.

Xiumin relaxed. “Oh my eyes, yes I—wait, _hot?!_ ” He squeaked, hands flying to his cheeks like it could hide the fact that he was blushing redder than a sunset. “What do you mean, hot?”

“Oh,” Kris laughed, “ _There_ he is.”

“What are you talking about?” Xiumin yelped. “Somebody explain this to me!”

Suho came over and patted Xiumin’s arm, giving him a reassuring smile. “Don’t worry about it, you look really good. That’s all.”

“It’s just eyeliner!” Xiumin sputtered.

“But it really changes your face,” Chanyeol said wonderingly. “I never noticed how pretty your eyes were before.”

Baekhyun leapt to his feet. “I want to try it too,” he said, “Show me how you did that.”

Xiumin didn’t see what the fuss was, but he knew if he didn’t comply he’d never be left alone. “Alright fine, follow me,” he grumbled, leading them up to his room.

He helped Baekhyun line his eyes, and Xiumin had to admit that he could see the appeal. Pleased with the results, Baekhyun skipped off to show everyone. It was a while before everyone saw Baekhyun again; similarly it was a while before they saw Chanyeol again too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes I did title this drabble after that freaky series on Youtube—I figured it aptly reflected the wierdness of these two scenarios. 
> 
> Oh yeah, and now you all know the origin of "Oh my god" :DDDD


	63. Stay By My Side

“We’ll have to go soon.”

Kris looked at Suho in shock, but he also knew that Suho was right.

“How long have we been here?”

Suho hummed thoughtfully. “Three months?”

Kris was surprised—they’d never stayed in one place for so long before. He felt like he should have noticed the passage of time, but he really felt like it had only been a few weeks. How was it possible that they had been able to relax, with no real problems, for so long?

“We deserved this break,” Suho continued, “But we’re Guardians. We need to get back to our job. We need to get back to traveling, learning the ins and outs of this world. There’s still so much that we haven’t seen, and that we don’t know. We need to get a move on.”

Kris sighed and looped his arm around Suho’s shoulders, pulling him in for a kiss.

“I don’t want to leave,” Kris said, his lips pressed to Suho’s cheek. “This has been so perfect.”

Suho grinned, Kris could feel it. “We’ll still have each other, and Tao. The world won’t stop when we leave.”

“It might as well. We’ll be so tired, and we might not have any privacy. We won’t be together like this, so open and relaxed, for a while.”

Suho took Kris’ hand and squeezed gently. “It’s not forever. We’ll be able to settle down in a few years and really start a life—the kind we always wanted. We’ll be safe, and together, and we’ll all be friends.”

Kris pulled back and looked at Suho quizzically. “That was the kind of life we thought we’d have back home. Do you really think it can still happen here?”

Suho nodded. “This place is new to us, but we can make it our own now. Our dreams haven’t changed, and who we are hasn’t fundamentally changed. We’ve gotten scratched up a bit, but we’re not broken. The framework of who we are is still there. As long as we have that, we have our dreams.”

Kris smiled. “And everyone says that I’m good with words—I have nothing on you.”

Suho gave him a brief kiss on the lips. “You just need more practice.”

* * *

Tao, Sehun, and Kai were all tangled together on a bed in a random room. They had come here after Kris and Suho announced that they would be leaving in two days.

“I wish we could stay,” Kai said, breaking the silence. “Nothing hurts here.”

Tao and Sehun simultaneously reached for his hands. They had seen a lot together, the three of them. They knew what Kai was talking about. There were no bad memories at this place.

“We’ll be okay now,” Sehun said. “The worst is behind us.”

Kai snorted. “Do you honestly believe that? Come on, it’s us. Something will always go wrong.”

Tao flinched. “I hope not, I’m finally happy again. I don’t want it to end.”

There was a brief silence. Then Kai spoke up again. “How’s that working out, anyway? Are Kris and Suho…like…good to you and stuff?”

Tao laughed. “Oh, yeah, now we can all gush about our boyfriends together, right?”

Sehun pushed himself up on his elbows and hovered over Tao. They were facing opposite directions, so Tao saw Sehun upside down. Sehun pushed Tao’s bangs back and tapped his nose.

“So, gush,” Sehun encouraged. “Who’s the better kisser?”

Tao considered briefly. “I’m the best.”

Kai elbowed him in the ribs. “Between Suho and Kris!”

Tao rubbed his injured ribs. “Neither,” he said stubbornly. “Suho is very shy and gentle, but he can be commanding occasionally, and Kris is very hesitant at first but he’s not afraid to get rough when I ask for it.”

Sehun and Kai both snorted. “Oh, wow,” Kai laughed, “Does that happen often?”

Tao considered briefly. “Honestly, it’s more the case that Kris and I gang up on Suho.” He smiled. “He gets flustered so easily, and he’s just adorable when it happens.”

“Ugh,” Kai said, wrinkling his nose in distaste. “I’m not sure I want to hear this, Suho is like my father. Let’s talk about Kris again.”

Tao bit his lip, thinking about what he could possibly say. “I love them both so much, they’re very good to me. I’m so happy with them.” He paused. “Was it a surprise to you, when we told you guys about it?”

Sehun shrugged. “You’ve always been close to Kris, and it was easy to see how much Suho adored you.”

“He adores all of us,” Tao countered. “Kai especially.”

Kai socked his arm. “Like I said, he’s like my dad, same goes for Sehun too, really. He’s not like that with you, he’s different. He dotes on you, sure, but he also really likes it when you return the attention. I remember this one time when we were back at the sanctuary, you said something to him and kissed him on the cheek, and then you ran off so you didn’t see it, but he blushed so red I thought he was going to pass out.”

“For real,” Sehun said, “It’s always been there, you guys just misinterpreted it. You three work well together.”

Tao thought he was blushing a little. “You think so?”

“Obviously,” Kai said, “Or you wouldn’t be so happy.”

They laid back down and pressed closer to Tao.

“We should do this more often,” Sehun said. “We’re the three youngest, after all. We’ve been friends forever, but we don’t get to spend a lot of time together anymore.”

“We’ll do this more often,” Kai vowed. “We’ll kick our boyfriends out and snuggle together.” He sat up again and glared down at the other two. “But if either of you tell Suho that I admitted he’s like my dad, I’ll send you to the middle of a dessert in a dust storm, got it?”

Tao rolled his eyes. “I don’t know why you bother hiding it, anyone could tell that you love him.”

Kai blushed and burrowed into the sheets. “I don’t want him to start thinking he’s got it easy.”

Sehun and Tao piled on top of Kai and cooed about how cute he was and maybe they’d tell Suho anyway, just to see how flustered Kai would get. In the ensuing wrestling match they all fell off the bed and ended up with matching bruises on their heads and elbows.

* * *

Kyungsoo sighed as Chen picked up yet another shell. “You’ll never be able to fit them all in your suitcase, you know.”

“I can damn well try,” Chen said haughtily.

“We’ll go to more beaches, you know,” Kyungsoo went on. “And you’ll get more shells.”

“And I will someday fill an entire room with all the shells I’ve ever collected,” Chen finished happily.

“What room? We don’t have a room!”

Chen shrugged. “Maybe I’ll leave some of them here. It’s not like somebody is going to invade the hotel while we’re gone.”

“And I repeat.” Kyungsoo said, “Then you’ll get more shells and you’ll be back where you started. As it is you have a suitcase full of CDs to take back.”

“It’s a back pack, thank you very much!”

“Same thing.”

“Well, I’ll get Kai to carry it for me,” Chen said. “He’s stronger than I am, and I bet he’d do it if I asked.”

Kyungsoo hummed, and Chen wondered if he’d overstepped a boundary by bringing up his boyfriend. He and Kyungsoo had been friends for some time, but they’d never discussed relationships. But Kai was Kyungsoo’s friend too…had Kai brought it up before? Chen wished he knew.

“Kai would do anything for you,” Kyungsoo said. He looked at Chen curiously. “You two have always been odd. Lu Han used to say that someday you’d be together, but I never saw it. I thought you’d be friends, but not lovers.”

Chen nodded. “Kris said he wasn’t surprised, but honestly I’ve been wondering if everyone else felt the same way.”

“We’re happy for you,” Kyungsoo said quickly, “But a little confused as well. You used to fight so much, and then you were awkward for a while, and then…this. What made you change your mind?”

Chen realized that to anyone else, it would be strange. Kyungsoo didn’t know about the time that Kai followed him into the woods and apologized for everything, at the same time admitting that all he really wanted was for them to be friends. Chen blushed and felt himself tear up as he remembered the rest of Kai’s confession.

“It didn’t come out of nowhere, Kai…he always felt something for me, but he didn’t know what to do with it. You remember what he was like as a child, how painful it was for him to be around people. Imagine a child who doesn’t know how to act around others having a crush. Imagine a teenager who carries the weight of Kai’s childhood, with everything that happened to him, trying to deal with romantic feelings. Looking back I can see that a lot of what he did was out of love. He wanted me to have fun and play, and he didn’t want me to be so afraid. He was brunt and a little callous, but I really think that was because he just didn’t know what to say to be comforting, so he’d just blurt out whatever came to his mind first.”

Chen looked over at Kyungsoo. He seemed to be understanding, so Chen went on. “He’s gotten so much better at telling me what’s on his mind, and he’s so loving and sweet. He’s very good at expressing himself through gestures, and I’ve learned to read his body language. We were awkward at first, because we were trying to figure out how to work with each other, but it’s behind us now.”

Kyungsoo smiled. “I see. That does make a lot of sense, I figured that there was a lot going on that we just couldn’t see. I’m really happy for the two of you, you both deserve someone to love.”

“Thanks. And you know, you deserve that too. I hope you find someone who makes you happy someday.”

“I will, I know I will. But I’m okay for now. Lay, Xiumin and I have each other, and we may not love each other the way you love Kai, for example, but we’re okay with that. So don’t worry so much about us, okay?”

“Okay,” Chen said sheepishly. “Sorry, I don’t mean to…to hover or anything.”

“It’s okay,” Kyungsoo said, throwing an arm around Chen’s shoulders. “I know that you just want to make sure I’m alright.”

Chen wrapped his arm around Kyungsoo’s back, and they walked down the beach in silence for a bit. Then Chen spoke up again. “Kyungsoo…how are you? Are you really alright?”

Kyungsoo looked out at the ocean, his eyes a little sad. “I miss it,” he said. “I keep thinking about how much fun it would be if I could make little sand statues, the way I used to. But then I remember that I can’t do that anymore, and it stings a little. I do miss my gift, but at the same time I just feel so much better now. It doesn’t hurt to walk, and I don’t spend every waking moment thinking about how dead the ground is.”

Chen squeezed his arm gently. “You were depressed for a long time.”

“I don’t know if that was it,” Kyungsoo said. “I don’t know how much of it is depression and how much was just my gift, but I am feeling better.” He smiled at Chen. “This trip really did a lot to make me feel better. Getting to relax, hang out in the water, just have fun, it all helped. And you know, having three square meals a day didn’t hurt either.”

Chen laughed and Kyungsoo joined him.

“I’ll miss it here,” Chen sighed. “I hope we can come back again soon.”

“Me too,” Kyungsoo said. “And I hope you leave some shells for us to find next time.”

* * *

Lu Han concentrated so hard he could feel his face turning red. He balled his fingers into fists, ignoring the way his nails bit into his palms. The water began to bubble, and after a few seconds a hundred little shrimp broke the surface. Lu Han gritted his teeth and made the shrimp come together in a wriggling, grey mass, and then he guided them into the cooler. As soon as the last shrimp was lowered into the cooler, Xiumin slammed the lid shut.

“WOOHOO!” Lay crowed, pumping his fist into the air. “Way to go, Lu Han!”

Lu Han flopped down onto the bench behind him, panting. He, Xiumin, Lay, and Chanyeol had been out fishing for only an hour, and they’d happened upon an enormous school of shrimp. Not keen on letting such a large and easy meal get away, the four had immediately started trying to catch the creatures, but quickly realized that fishing hooks and hands just wouldn’t cut it. At first Lu Han had been afraid that he wouldn’t be able to control his gift long enough to capture the creatures, and he was relieved to be proven wrong.

“And you were worried,” Chanyeol called from the steering wheel. The boat was fairly small, and motor powered, and really Chanyeol didn’t need to be worried about steering at the moment since they were anchored, but he was having fun so Lu Han wasn’t about to tell him to stop.

“You would have been worried too,” Lu Han said breathlessly. “I haven’t used my gift like that in a while.”

“Well maybe that’s why it’s not working the way you want it to,” Xiumin said wisely. “It’s like a muscle, you know—if you don’t use it, you’ll lose it.”

Lu Han stuck out his tongue. “You just have to be the voice of reason, don’t you?”

Lay tapped Lu Han’s head. “Is it really that bad, ge?”

Lu Han gulped, wishing he hadn’t spoken. “It’s…”

Everyone turned to look at him. The only sound was the waves lapping at the boat and the shrimp scrambling around in the cooler.

“It’s not what it used to be,” Lu Han said finally. “I don’t think it ever will be again.” He recalled the pain of his mind splintering apart under the strain of moving huge asteroids out of the way, and he shivered despite the hot sun. No, his mind and his gift would never be the same again. He’d paid the price for his act of heroism, and it didn’t seem fair. He’d been totally selfless, why did he need to suffer for it?

Lay tapped him again. “I never tried healing you, would you like me to?”

Lu Han shook his head. “Honestly, that scares me even more,” he admitted. “I’d rather not even try than learn that it can’t be done.”

“What makes you think it can’t be done?” Chanyeol asked.

Lu Han kicked the cooler of shrimp. They scuttled angrily. “Because it’s not like a bruise, or a broken arm,” he said. “It’s not…it’s not physical, the problem. It’s just…me. I’m broken. Something fundamental inside my brain just stopped working. I was Lost, and you can’t heal the Lost.”

“But you came back,” Xiumin said, sitting next to him and patting his knee. “So you weren’t really Lost.”

“And you’ve gotten loads better,” Chanyeol added. “So maybe time will heal you.”

Lu Han shrugged. “Maybe.” He stood up. “I don’t want to think about it right now, let’s see if we can catch some more shrimp, they’ll make an excellent last dinner and breakfast.”

“You know somebody is going to have to kill these things, right?” Xiumin said. “And it’s not going to be me.”

“I nominate Chen,” Chanyeol muttered, and they all laughed, because there was no way Kai would allow that.”

“Kai it is, then,” Lay said cheerfully.

* * *

Baekhyun stood by the edge of the pool, his toes hanging over the water. This was the place where he had conquered his fear of water. Sort of. He still couldn’t go in by himself, and he was crap at swimming, but he was loads better than he was when they first arrived at the beach. It was a little bittersweet, knowing that he was leaving. He hadn’t expected to get so attached to this place, especially not to the pool.

“Talk about irony.”

He heard something pattering over to him and looked over his shoulder. Daisy was ambling over, her long ears almost dragging on the ground.

“Hi, cutie,” Baekhyun greeted, bending down and holding out his hand. “Where are your daddies?” Sehun and Lu Han didn’t usually let her wander off by herself.

Daisy snuffled his hand before turning around and walking over to the pool stairs. Baekhyun eyed her nervously.

“Do you have permission to do that?” He knew she liked the pool, but she didn’t usually go in without Sehun or Lu Han nearby. Baekhyun looked around, but it was just him and the dog out on the pool deck. Everyone else was packing up or helping to make dinner. It was only midafternoon, but it felt much later because of how quiet it was.

There was a splash and Baekhyun whirled around. Daisy was swimming around, happily chasing after some floating toys and trying to catch them. Baekhyun watched her for a while, but as time went on he began to get more and more worried.

“Daisy, it’s time to come out now,” he called nervously. “Daisy, come here, girl!”

Daisy swam over to the side of the pool and tried to climb out, but her legs were too short and she fell back. Baekhyun reached for her, but she swam away before he could grab her.

“Come back!” He yelled, his heart racing. She looked tired. “Daisy, come here!”

But instead the dog turned and started swimming towards the deep end of the pool.

“No! Oh my god, Daisy, no! Come back here, use the stairs, Daisy!!”

He was panicking. If she went into the deep end, there was no way Baekhyun could help her. He looked over his shoulder.

“GUYS!” he screamed, “Guys, come out here, I need help!”

He looked back at Daisy. The pool was huge, and she was right in the middle of it. Baekhyun pressed his hand to his mouth, torn between staying and trying to get Daisy out of the pool by himself and running for help. But if he ran for help and Daisy went under, she’d drown. Just as he thought that, Daisy let out a pained yelp and her head dipped under the water.

Later, Baekhyun would say it was panic-driven instinct. He threw up a wall of light, knowing that someone would see it and come outside, and then he jumped into the pool. He half swam, half ran through the shallow water, grabbing a floating tube as he passed it. Daisy’s head popped back up, but Baekhyun could tell that she was exhausted. His feet left the floor as he entered the deep end, and he started kicking. He was getting closer, closer…just as Daisy’s head disappeared under the water again, Baekhyun got within arm’s reach of her. He grabbed her around her belly and hauled her up, clumsily holding onto her with one arm and the floating tube with the other. Then he started kicking his way over to the side of the pool.

“It’s okay, Daisy,” he gasped, accidentally swallowing a mouthful of water. Daisy was wheezing in his arms, and it didn’t sound good, but at least she was still breathing.

Baekhyun heard voices, and he looked up. He was still several yards from the edge of the pool.

“Guys, over here!” He yelled, his throat raw from the water he’d swallowed. He coughed and tried to kick harder. His legs were screaming in protest, aching with each movement. The edge was in sight, he was almost there…

There was a splash and suddenly Chanyeol’s arm was around his waist, hauling him into the shallows. Baekhyun released the tube and clung to Chanyeol’s shoulders.

“Daisy,” he gasped, “Get her out.”

Kris was on Baekhyun’s other side then, and he took Daisy out of his arms and carried her to the edge of the pool. Baekhyun looked up and saw Sehun and Lu Han running over, along with the rest of their brothers. His feet scrapped the bottom of the pool and he went limp, his body exhausted and sore.

Chanyeol stood up and carried Baekhyun to the edge of the pool. Kai and Tao were waiting, and they grabbed Baekhyun’s arms and pulled him out of the pool.

Baekhyun coughed and weakly tried to wriggle out of their arms. “Is she okay?” He asked. “Daisy, is she alright?” He turned his head. Sehun had taken Daisy from Kris, and Lay was looking between Baekhyun and the dog.

“Look at her first,” Baekhyun said, “I think she’s hurt, her leg…”

Lay went to Daisy, and Baekhyun fell back on the concrete, breathing heavily. Chanyeol hovered over him, patting his cheek. “Are you okay?”

Baekhyun nodded.

“What happened?”

“Daisy, she jumped in the pool…and she couldn’t climb out. I tried to call her over but she swam into the deep end, and then she went under…I didn’t have time to go for help, she was drowning…” His eyes filled with tears. “Is she okay?”

Lay backed away and went over to Baekhyun. “She’ll be fine,” he said, “Her leg cramped up, that’s why she went under, but you got to her before she could get any water in her lungs.” He ruffled Baekhyun’s hair. “You saved her life, Baekhyun.”

Baekhyun grinned and pushed himself up, Chanyeol helped him. “I swam in the deep end,” he said proudly. “Didja see me, Chanyeol?”

Chanyeol nodded, tears in his eyes. “You were brilliant, I’m so proud of you.”

Lu Han and Sehun came over and wrapped Baekhyun up in a hug. Sehun was still holding Daisy.

“You’re so brave,” Lu Han said—he was crying too. “You saved her, by the Tree if you hadn’t been there…”

“But I was,” Baekhyun said, squeezing Lu Han’s hand. Daisy wriggled over and licked Baekhyun’s cheek, as though she was saying ‘Thank you.’

“You’re welcome,” Baekhyun told her.

* * *

Kris and Suho debated staying one more day to make sure that Baekhyun and Daisy would be alright to travel, but Daisy bounced back quickly and Baekhyun said they could just put him in a shopping cart and push him for the next 500 miles.

“He’s fine,” Lu Han said. “Princess.”

Baekhyun stuck out his tongue and snuggled into Chanyeol’s lap. Chanyeol hadn’t let go of him for a second since he’d gotten out of the pool, and he was enjoying the attention.

With Baekhyun's assurance that he would be alright to travel, Kris and Suho decided to stick with their plan. They would leave the following day, no later than 10 AM.

Of course, 10 AM was a dream. They didn’t make it out until almost 11, but if Kris and Suho had given a later time they never would have made it out. After double checking and triple checking that nobody had left anything important behind, and after making sure that they only had what they absolutely needed (They had two collective suitcases for shells, and that was it), they left the hotel.

They had six shopping carts for luggage, and Baekhyun was in fact sitting in one of them, holding Daisy on his lap and cooing at her.

The twelve of them were subdued as they walked away from the beach, and as they reached the rise where they had gotten their first glimpse of the ocean, they all stopped and turned around to have one last look.

“This is poetic and all,” Baekhyun said after a while, “But Keen is leaving us behind.”

They all whirled around and saw the fluffy white dog trotting ahead.

“Get back here!” Chen yelled, racing down the hill after his dog, “Keen, wait up!”

And off they went to have another adventure.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, this was a long time coming. To refresh your minds as far as where in the continuity this is, the "next chapter" would be "Chanyeol in Wonderland," and at the end of that chapter Chen proposed to Kai.


	64. Light of My Life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Continuity: After the guardians settle in the Palace  
> WARNING: SEX SCENE AHEAD

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New note: Sorry I have been slacking with adding the chapters to this story

Baekhyun was no stranger to stress. It was almost all he had ever known. Back then, during the day Baekhyun was always fine. He’d look out the window and pretend he was a king, looking out at his people. He’d wear a sheet like a cape and roll a piece of paper into a scepter, prancing around the room and making a throne out of his books. But at night his cape would become a shield against monsters, and the room that had been his castle became his prison. He would huddle under his blankets and cry, wondering what he had done wrong that he was kept away from everyone. At six years old, Baekhyun wondered if he was a criminal. He would bang on the door until his hands were bloody and scream for someone to let him out. As time went on, he craved company more than anything. He loved when his teachers would come to his tower, and he tried not to be scared when they left. They didn’t like when he cried, that much he knew, so he tried to be brave in the hopes that they wouldn’t leave him.

Baekhyun told everyone that the Guardians saved him, but the truth was that they dragged him away kicking and screaming. Baekhyun was woken at sunrise by a commotion at his door, and when he sat up he saw the door open, the guards slumped over on the floor and three men with waxy skin and sunken eyes staring at him. He’d thought they were monsters, he screamed and tried to run, but they grabbed him by the arms and took him away. Baekhyun had forgotten most of the trip from the tower to the train, but he knows that he cried hysterically, and nobody tried to help him or explain anything to him. He has a vague suspicion that he wet himself, as children are apt to do when they’re afraid. But he didn’t tell anyone about that either.

When he got to the sanctuary, Baekhyun was determined to be normal. Normal children weren’t afraid of the dark, or deep water, or locked doors. Growing up, Baekhyun never locked his door. Not even when he was changing his clothes. As much as he used to crave company, he would cringe and flail away when people tried to get close to him, or touch him. Later Kai would tell him that _that_ was probably because he’d basically been violated by the Guardians who took him away—they touched him without permission, restrained him when he tried to get away, and since it was the first physical contact he’d had in a while, it had affected him more than he realized.

The lack of stability in their lives hadn’t helped matters at all either. When he and his brothers finally moved into their new home, Baekhyun thought he would feel safe. He did for a while—things settled into a routine. They copied books, farmed animals, made cloth, tried to work technology, and they spent a lot of time together. They had campfires, they sang songs, they wrote their own books about their journeys, they confessed things to each other that they hadn’t before. They got so much closer, as friends and brothers. One night as they were taking turns talking, Baekhyun used his time to make his own confession.

“I’m not good at expressing myself,” he’d started, staring at his feet. “But I hope you all know that, even though I don’t say it very often, I…I love all of you a lot. I’m really glad that I have you as my friends, because…because I think I’d be really different if you all didn’t care about me as much as you do. So I’m just…really thankful for that.”

Baekhyun was glad he’d gotten to say that when he did, because shortly after that things started to go downhill again.

It started when Baekhyun volunteered to go to one of the old storerooms and get some more books for transcribing. He left the door open, but he forgot to put the stopper up to keep it from closing all the way, and a strong gust of wind blew the door shut, locking him in. As soon as he realized what had happened, Baekhyun ran for the door. He pushed and pushed, he slammed his shoulder into it, he beat his fists against it until he was bloody, but the door wouldn’t budge. He started to shake, his teeth were chattering, and all he could do was yell for help.

“Guys, guys! Can you hear me? Is anyone there? Someone help me, I’m stuck! I’m trapped, I’m locked in! Suho, Kris, Chanyeol! Somebody help me! Let me out! LET ME OUT!!”

He slammed his hands against the door over and over, he screamed himself hoarse, but he eventually realized that nobody was there and nobody could hear him.

Baekhyun didn’t remember what happened after that, but he was told about it later. He was only alone for about twenty minutes, though it felt like forever. Chanyeol and Kyungsoo went looking for him, and when they got the door open they found Baekhyun curled up in the back of the tiny room, his knees drawn up to his chest, rocking himself back and forth. He was crying and whimpering for help.

Chanyeol had rushed in and touched his shoulder gently, to get his attention, and Baekhyun lashed out, hitting Chanyeol hard in his chest, and started to scream—a high pitched, unbroken cry of absolute terror. Kyungsoo ran for help while Baekhyun screamed and screamed. Finally Kyungsoo came back with Yixing in tow, and Yixing had used one of his newly discovered gifts to knock Baekhyun out and take him to their hospital.

The incident had done something to Baekhyun, it seemed to have broken him in some way. In the process of trying to escape, Baekhyun had not only cut up his hands, but he’d broken several bones in them too. He wasn’t healing the way he usually did, and no matter how hard he tried, Yixing could not heal Baekhyun’s wounds. All Yixing seemed to be able to do was make him sleep, so he kept Baekhyun asleep for two days before allowing him to wake up on his own.

When Baekhyun did wake up the first thing he saw was Chanyeol sitting next to him, looking like he’d been crying.

“Hi,” Chanyeol greeted with a shaky smile. “Are you okay?”

Baekhyun smiled and nodded, but he didn’t answer. He couldn’t answer.

That was a month ago, and Baekhyun hadn’t spoken a word in all that time, nor had he used his gift. He’d tried halfheartedly a few times, but he didn’t want to. He just knew that it wouldn’t work. He’d been to see the Tree in that time, let it poke around in his head to find out where he was broken.

‘ _Nothing to fix, really,_ ’ It proclaimed to Baekhyun and the eleven eavesdroppers. ‘ _Everything is working, technically, but there’s a disconnect somewhere. There’s really nothing I can do, because it’s mental trauma you’re suffering from. You just need time to heal._ ’ It sighed and wrapped Baekhyun up in love and comfort. ‘ _Poor darling. What a horrible thing to happen to you, then and now. You were only a baby, and my…my boys were so awful to you._ ’

Even though Baekhyun didn’t have a body when he met the Tree, he could feel it embracing him.

‘ _Just give him time,_ ’ The Tree told the others, but especially Chanyeol. ‘ _Time, love, and comfort. Try not to leave him alone, unless he makes it clear that he wants to be alone. This is something that Baekhyun needs to work through on his own time, not something that can be hurried along._ ’

Baekhyun had been trying to take it easy, but the weight on his chest just wouldn’t go away. Baekhyun hadn’t felt this uneasy in a long time. He felt like there was a weight on his chest, slowly compressing his ribs. It was suffocating, and sometimes it hurt to breathe. He was so tired, but he couldn’t sleep because he was stressed out and so afraid of being alone. It hadn’t been this bad before.

Baekhyun kept remembering the way Chanyeol had sworn vengeance for him back when they had first discovered the increase of their power. Maybe “sworn vengeance” was a little dramatic but that’s sure what it felt like. And then later, Chanyeol said he wouldn’t seek revenge for Baekhyun, and Baekhyun hadn’t believed him but didn’t say it because he was tired of arguing. But now…now Baekhyun thought he might have been changing his mind about the idea of revenge. He had remembered something.

On the train to the Sanctuary, he’d woken up from a nightmare. He was disoriented and scared, finding himself in a strange room, the rattling of the train’s wheels loud in his ears, and it was dark except for the moonlight, which flickered in and out of shadows from the trees around the tracks. Baekhyun had started to cry, loudly, and eventually he began screaming for his mother. After a while a guardian came into the room and slapped Baekhyun across the face.

“Stop crying.” He’d hit Baekhyun so hard that his lip split open and blood dripped onto his sheets. “You want your mother?” The guardian seized Baekhyun’s jaw and squeezed tightly, holding his head in place. He bent down until they were eye level, his teeth bared in a snarl. “Your mother didn’t love you. She didn’t want you.” He leaned closer. “I’ll tell you a little secret. Nobody loves you. You think they do, and then they betray you. They turn around and they find someone newer to love.” He let go of Baekhyun’s face and then shoved him back down onto the bed. “Now go to sleep. And stay quiet.”

Baekhyun couldn’t believe he had forgotten something like that. Maybe he remembered it in the beginning, but he guessed that along the way he’d shoved it to the back of his mind, convinced by the love from his friends that the guardian had gotten it wrong. But he remembered it now, and he could remember the face of the guardian who said that to him. Baekhyun wanted nothing more than to hurt that man. He wanted revenge.

That was perhaps the scariest part of everything.

* * *

Baekhyun was waiting for Chanyeol by the gate. Chanyeol had gone out to take care of the cows—something Baekhyun wasn’t allowed to do while his hands were healing. He sat by the large door, trying to meditate and failing. When the door creaked open Baekhyun leapt to his feet, already anticipating being back in Chanyeol’s arms. He was not disappointed.

“Hey,” Chanyeol greeted with a smile, petting Baekhyun’s hair. “What’s up?”

Baekhyun buried his face in Chanyeol’s shoulder, hugging his waist tightly.

“I missed you,” Chanyeol said, holding Baekhyun close. “I know I was only gone for what, two hours? But I still missed you.” After a while Chanyeol pulled back. “Can I see your hands?”

Baekhyun held them out. In the last six weeks they’d healed nicely, he had gone from having several fingers and his whole hand immobilized to having one simple splint on his right hand, where his knuckles were still healing.

“Wow, they look so much better.” He lifted them to his lips and kissed each one of Baekhyun’s fingers. “You have such pretty hands,” he mumbled against Baekhyun’s uninjured palm. “Have I told you?”

‘ _Only about a million times,_ ’ Baekhyun wanted to say.

“I’m sure I have. Anyway, I have to ask you something, and I want to do it in private. Can we go to our room?”

At Baekhyun’s nod, Chanyeol wrapped one arm around Baekhyun’s back and they started towards their sleeping quarters. Once they had gotten to their room Baekhyun dove into their bed, burrowing under their blanket until he was covered completely. He heard Chanyeol sliding the door shut and his heavy footsteps as he walked over to the bed. Chanyeol wormed his way under the blanket and cuddled up next to Baekhyun’s side. The light from their window was enough that they could see even with the blanket over their heads.

Chanyeol laid one hand on Baekhyun’s cheek, thumb lightly tracing his jaw. “I want to help you,” he said quietly. “I don’t really know how, but I want to try. And I have an idea, but I’m not sure how you’ll feel about it. Don’t feel like you have to say yes, okay?”

Baekhyun nodded and turned his head slightly to kiss Chanyeol’s palm.

Chanyeol smiled at him. “I want to take you away for a few days, to the other side of the city, so we can have some time with just the two of us. We haven’t been alone in a while and I just…I want some privacy. It has to do with my idea.”

Baekhyun raised one eyebrow.

“Ugh. I want to have a second honeymoon. Or first honeymoon. We never really got one to begin with, not a real one anyway, that trip to the beach doesn’t count.” He was babbling, Baekhyun could feel how tense he was, right down to his fingertips. “Does that sound like something you would like?”

Baekhyun smiled and nodded, and Chanyeol relaxed, returning the smile.

“Okay. I already told Suho and Kris that we might be leaving, I guess now we just need to make it official. When do you want to leave?”

Baekhyun considered it for a moment. Being able to get away, to have Chanyeol all to himself for a few days? He threw the covers back and rolled out of bed, grabbed his backpack and held it up, an eager grin on his face.

“Now?”

Baekhyun nodded.

“Okay, let’s go then.”

They said their goodbyes, packed a bunch of food, and set off. Yixing had given Baekhyun strict instructions to take it easy and not do anything to aggravate his injury. Baekhyun didn’t think he would, he wasn’t a fan of pain after all.

The two of them walked for a long time, pushing their bags along in a shopping cart. Chanyeol knew how to drive, and after a few hours they came across a decent looking car that Chanyeol managed to start. They drove for a few more hours, and it was long past sunset when they finally found a place in a small town outside of the city. There was a tiny little house on the corner of a tree-lined street. In fact it seemed like the house itself had a tree growing out of it, which Baekhyun thought was adorable. He tugged on Chanyeol’s arm and pointed at it.

“Shall we stop here, then?” Chanyeol asked, already slowing down. Baekhyun nodded, and he pulled the car towards the side of the road. Chanyeol did most of the unpacking so Baekhyun wouldn’t have to risk hurting his hands any more.

There was indeed a tree growing out of the house, but it was confined to the living room. The rest of the place was left untouched, even the mattress in the bedroom was in one piece.

“I remember Chen telling me that people started making chemicals that promised to keep insects out of mattresses and couches—apparently that was a problem for these people. Well, it looks like those chemicals worked.” Chanyeol said as he sat on the bed. “I’m kind of tired, do you mind if we just eat and go to sleep?”

Baekhyun was tired too, so he opened their bag of food and handed Chanyeol an apple. They had a little bit of cooked chicken packed into an icebox, and Chanyeol was able to heat it up nicely. After they ate they fell into their bed, curled up and went to sleep.

Baekhyun woke up to Chanyeol’s lips on his neck. Still half asleep, he let his head fall back and curled his uninjured fingers into Chanyeol’s hair, pulling him closer. Chanyeol rolled over on top of him, letting his weight drop down. Baekhyun gasped—Chanyeol was so warm, always so warm. Chanyeol pushed his hands under Baekhyun’s shirt, tracing his ribs and stomach. Baekhyun tightened his grip on Chanyeol’s hair and tugged him up for a kiss. He licked past Chanyeol’s teeth, rolling his hips up, smirking when he felt how hard Chanyeol was already. Baekhyun was always smug about how easily he could get Chanyeol riled up—it seemed like he could manage to do so even in his sleep now.

Baekhyun pushed at Chanyeol’s shoulders until he sat up, and then he straddled Chanyeol’s lap, kissing him again. Even with the added leverage Baekhyun was still only half an inch taller, but that didn’t matter, he could still push Chanyeol around if he wanted to. Baekhyun palmed Chanyeol’s crotch, heat pooling in his belly as Chanyeol groaned and bucked into his hand.

“Wait,” Chanyeol said suddenly, pulling back. “Baekhyun, I…” he hesitated, looking nervous. “I…can I tie you up?”

Baekhyun was a little surprised. Usually it was Chanyeol who ended up being tied up.

“Just at your wrists,” Chanyeol continued, spreading his fingers out over Baekhyun’s thighs, squeezing gently. “I want to take care of you this time around Baekhyun, and this is the only way you’ll let me do it. already you’re starting, I can feel it. And really…you never let me take care of you.”

Baekhyun wanted to deny it, but he knew Chanyeol was right.

“You really just…never let me take care of you, in any situation. I don’t know why. Do you trust me?”

Baekhyun nodded. Of course he trusted Chanyeol.

“I want this to be about you, about me making you feel good. I want you to be selfish, and to just _take_. Don’t worry about me for a change, let me worry about both of us for a little while. It’s okay to let me do that, you know.”

Baekhyun nodded again. He understood what Chanyeol was saying, he really did. If this was what Chanyeol wanted then Baekhyun should trust him.

Baekhyun shrugged off his shirt and then laid back down, holding his hands above his head. Chanyeol bent to give him a brief kiss, and then he stood, retrieved a long piece of cloth from his bag, and carefully tied Baekhyun’s wrists together, securing them to what was left of the bedframe.

“I guess we really can’t have a safeword,” Chanyeol said as he took off his own shirt. “But if you want me to stop, just like, kick me or something. You’re strong, you could probably throw me off even with your hands tied.” He smiled fondly. “My powerful husband.”

Baekhyun grinned, and then choked on his tongue as Chanyeol stood up and removed his pants. Chanyeol knelt between Baekhyun’s legs, and Baekhyun lifted his hips so Chanyeol could undress him, but Chanyeol pushed him back down.

“I’ll get to that, just give me a minute, okay?”

Baekhyun almost rolled his eyes, he’d never been one for foreplay, but before he could Chanyeol started kissing his neck again. Baekhyun arched like a cat, pressing against Chanyeol’s bare chest. He wanted to run his hands down Chanyeol’s back, dig his nails into Chanyeol’s skin and hear him hiss. Instead Baekhyun took deep breaths, trying not to get too excited.

Chanyeol kissed down his chest, licking over a nipple. Baekhyun moaned, tugging fruitlessly at the cloth around his wrists. Chanyeol let his teeth scrape and Baekhyun gasped loudly—he could feel Chanyeol’s smirk.

Chanyeol took his time, seemingly trying to kiss every inch of Baekhyun’s chest. He slowly inched his way down to Baekhyun’s stomach, biting gently at his navel. Baekhyun was a mess, shaking and whimpering. He rolled his hips up, wishing that Chanyeol would touch him.

“You okay, babe?”

Baekhyun whimpered, pushing his hips up, practically off the bed. Chanyeol smiled.

“Okay, okay, as you wish.”

He finally helped Baekhyun out of his pants. Baekhyun wasn’t sure what he was expecting—it wasn’t for Chanyeol to crawl back up and kiss him again. Not the way they usually kissed, biting and trying to pin the other down, no, this was very sweet and gentle. As Baekhyun finally started to relax, Chanyeol slid one hand between Baekhyun’s legs and palmed his cock.

Baekhyun gasped sharply, throwing his head back. He hadn’t been expecting that. Chanyeol stroked him slowly, mouthing at his neck. Baekhyun shut his eyes tightly and dug his heels into the mattress. He wanted more, he wanted fast and rough, and Chanyeol wasn’t giving him that. Chanyeol was slow and careful, deliberate in his gentleness. He kissed Baekhyun, over and over, Baekhyun couldn’t concentrate on anything else. He felt his orgasm building, and Chanyeol kept kissing him, murmuring against his lips—“I love you, I love you so much.”

Baekhyun threw his head back, gasping, and Chanyeol kept saying it, over and over, “I love you, I love you.”

Baekhyun let out a strangled cry as he came, and he ripped his wrists free of the cloth, immediately clutching at Chanyeol’s shoulders. His injured hand ached, the pain was jarring—but it was immediately forgotten.

“Chanyeol…” Baekhyun whispered. “Chanyeol, Chanyeol…”

“I’ve got you, I’m right here.”

“Chanyeol, I love you.”

Baekhyun was hoarse, his voice weak from disuse, not to mention that he was breathless from arguably the best orgasm he’d had in a while. Chanyeol kissed him and Baekhyun couldn’t help but to grin through it, even as he began to tear up. Chanyeol leaned back, grabbing his discarded shirt and using it to clean both of them up.

“Why are you crying?”

Baekhyun sniffled, wiping his eyes. “I don’t deserve you.”

Chanyeol sighed, “Oh, Baekhyun…” He slid his hands under Baekhyun’s shoulders and pulled him into his lap. “Baby, we’ve been through this.”

“I know,” Baekhyun said. “I know but…Chanyeol I’m so bad at loving people. I’m so messed up and so broken and so bad at saying what’s on my mind. And you are so warm, and caring, and wonderful,” he sobbed, choking on the force of it, “I don’t know how you do it. You’re always taking care of me, you really are, and I don’t know how to repay you for that, because I just don’t know what to do.” He wrapped his arms around Chanyeol’s shoulder and sobbed into his neck. “And I am selfish. I feel so cold and harsh next to you, but I still don’t want you to leave me.”

Chanyeol rubbed his back soothingly, and he actually laughed. “Baekhyun. It has been a hundred years. I’m not leaving you. I never will.”

Baekhyun continued to cry. “Why? Why do you love me?”

“Because I know that there’s more to you than this. You say you feel cold and harsh, I know that’s not all that you are, I’ve seen it. I’ve seen it enough to know that it’s there, and I know that when you find it, when you start believe that it’s there, and you are capable of being the person you so desperately want to be, it will be beautiful. I already love you as you are, Baekhyun. I will not love you any less if you cry on my shoulder again or if a hug makes you uncomfortable. I know you love me, even if sometimes it’s not easy for you to say it, I can feel it.” He pulled back slightly. “You always forget that you’re Light. I’m Fire, it’s true. I’m warm and comforting, but so are you.”

“You’re like the sun,” Baekhyun said quietly. “Or a star.”

“Then you must be a sun as well, and if that’s still too much for you to believe, then how about this,” he paused and kissed Baekhyun’s forehead. “You are,” He kissed Baekhyun’s nose, “The light,” he kissed Baekhyun’s cheek, “Of my life,” he finished with a kiss to Baekhyun’s lips. When he pulled back he held Baekhyun's hand and took the splint off of it. "Looks like you don't need this anymore," he said happily, kissing the back of Baekhyun's hand. "You're all better now."

Baekhyun laughed until he started to cry again, and Chanyeol held him until he calmed down. It started to rain and they both got cold, so they got dressed again and huddled under their blanket. Baekhyun pulled Chanyeol on top of him and kissed him. They were gentle, kissing just for the sake of being close. Baekhyun felt like they were going back to the days when they had just started their relationship, shyly making out in a sleeping bag under the stars, holding hands while they slept.

Chanyeol felt so much warmer now, Baekhyun could feel it under the blanket. He pushed the heavy quilt off Chanyeol’s shoulders, running his hands down Chanyeol’s back, and then up again—

There were two prominent lumps on Chanyeol’s shoulder blades, and it felt like they were _moving_.

Baekhyun pulled back. “Chanyeol—!”

Chanyeol sat up, his eyes wide. Baekhyun pushed himself up as well, and before he could say anything Chanyeol shrieked in pain and doubled over again. His shirt was stretched tight over his back, Baekhyun could see the skin on his shoulder blades rippling and he shut his eyes, terrified.

There was an awful, almost wet sound of something tearing, and then Chanyeol screamed in absolute agony. Baekhyun opened his eyes again just in time to see blood splatter the walls as a pair of wings ripped out of Chanyeol’s back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A very wonderful reader has made a fanart of Chanyeol getting his wings and you can all check it out [here](https://galaxy--supernova.tumblr.com/tagged/AWE%20fanart)! It is rather bloody.  
> The next chapter will be the start of the new God Gene arc and pick up where this chapter leaves off.


	65. The God Gene Part IX

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Continuity: Directly after the previous chapter  
> Baekhyun-centric  
> WE ARE BACK IN THE GOD GENE ARC!!!

Baekhyun stared at Chanyeol, dumbfounded and slightly nauseous. He could feel something warm and wet on his face and shirt, and he didn’t want to look because he just knew it was blood. Chanyeol’s blood. It was everywhere, on Baekhyun, on the walls, and all over Chanyeol.

By the Tree, there was blood everywhere.

Baekhyun swallowed nervously and gently touched the back of Chanyeol’s head. “C-can you hear me?” Chanyeol was splayed out on his stomach, his arms flung out. His face was twisted in a grimace but he appeared to be unconscious.

Baekhyun took a few steadying breaths. He stood up and his knees almost buckled, but he managed to stay upright. He went to the kitchen, and tested the stove. It worked, and he quickly filled a pot with water and set it up to boil. It was an agonizing wait, and he kept running to the bedroom to see if Chanyeol had woken up. He was still out cold, and Baekhyun was quick to realize that the gaping wounds on his back where the wings had sprung out were not healing. Upon realizing this he ran back to the kitchen and threw a small towel into the hot water—it wasn’t boiling, and he wasn’t sure of the towel would be properly disinfected, but he knew that hot water was better than nothing. Once he’d done that he filled a small bowl with cold water and took the bowl and the towel to the bedroom, where he set about cleaning Chanyeol’s wounds.

Baekhyun thought that Chanyeol’s skin was torn, but in reality it looked like his back has exploded. Some of his skin was missing in some places, and some was detached from his back. Baekhyun forced himself not to be sick as he gently dabbed at the cuts, avoiding the wings as best he could. Chanyeol moaned and recoiled from the towel.

Baekhyun’ hands shook as he withdrew. “Chanyeol?”

Chanyeol whimpered in pain. “Baek…it hurts…”

Baekhyun gulped back tears. “I know, but I have to clean it.” He resumed cleaning, resolutely ignoring Chanyeol’s pained sounds. By the time he had finished the towel was soaked in blood, and he didn’t know if he’d done any more good than bad. Chanyeol’s teeth were chattering. Baekhyun touched his back. He was warm, but not feverish—he was probably going into shock.

Chanyeol was gripping the sheets so hard he’d ripped them. “I’m not healing, am I?” He asked faintly.

It wasn’t going to do any good to lie to him. “No, you’re not.”

Chanyeol squeezed his eyes shut. “Is it bad?”

Baekhyun knew he could smell the blood. “It…it is. Your back kind of…exploded.”

Chanyeol sobbed. “It hurts…it really hurts.”

Baekhyun’s hands fluttered at his sides. He had no idea what he could possibly do in this situation.

“We need Yixing,” Baekhyun said to himself. “Even if he can’t heal this, he’ll know what to do. We need to go home.”

But how could he possibly move Chanyeol like this? Baekhyun didn’t know how to drive, and it was easily a two day walk back to the palace, he didn’t think he could carry Chanyeol that far. Baekhyun stood up and stared to pace, wringing his hands. What should he do? What could he do?

He could run back to the palace, get help, have Kai transport them back…but he balked at the idea of leaving Chanyeol alone. He could try to drive, but he’d never done it before and he didn’t want to try when Chanyeol was in this kind of state. Besides, he couldn’t exactly sit Chanyeol up in the passenger seat, or lay him and his long legs out on the back seat.

He couldn’t go for help, he couldn’t drive…he had two choices, he could wait and hope that Chanyeol would start healing on his own, or he could carry Chanyeol back to the palace himself.

Baekhyun got a fresh towel and a new bowl of cold water and went back to the bed. He sat next to Chanyeol and washed his face and arms. After a few hours he could tell that Chanyeol was running a fever and he held a cold towel over his wrists, hoping that the fever would break. When it still hadn’t two hours later, Baekhyun started to realize that he couldn’t wait much longer.

Chanyeol woke up just as the rain stopped. He leaned over the bed and vomited, screaming in agony as the movement aggravated his wounds.

Baekhyun knew he couldn’t wait anymore. He took some sheets from another bedroom and ripped them into long strips. Then he boiled some more water, this time waiting for it to boil, and he soaked the cloth in the water. Once they had been cleaned, Baekhyun took them back to the bedroom and wrapped them around Chanyeol’s wounds. He ignored Chanyeol’s cries of pain and kept going even when Chanyeol blacked out.

“I have to do this,” Baekhyun whispered to Chanyeol’s unconscious form, “If I left them open they could get dirty, and I can’t just throw a shirt on you because…”

Flies. Because flies would come and lay eggs in the wounds.

Baekhyun turned away from Chanyeol and vomited, his own sick adding to the stench of the room. When he’d finished he turned back to Chanyeol, finishing up with the wrappings. Then he put his shoes on and gathered some water bottles, putting them in a bag that he tied to his waist. Just before he picked Chanyeol up off the bed, he took a moment to pray.

‘ _Please, if the Tree of Life can hear me, give me the strength to carry him home. Help me be strong for both of us._ ’

Then he heaved Chanyeol onto his back and walked out of the house.

It was dark when Baekhyun left, and he was grateful for that because the sun would have been brutal, and it probably would have burned Chanyeol’s sensitive skin. Baekhyun kept his eyes straight ahead, trying not to think about how if he looked to the side, he could see Chanyeol’s arms hanging limply by his sides. He tried not to think about how tired his arms were, or how his back started aching after only a few minutes. Baekhyun was strong, but he wasn’t strong enough to carry Chanyeol’s dead weight.

Still he pressed on, constantly telling himself that he would stop after one more block, just one more block and then he would rest.

When the sky started to lighten Baekhyun staggered to the side of the road and fell to his knees. He felt the impact in his whole body and he flinched as Chanyeol whimpered in pain.

“Chanyeol,” he panted, “Are you awake?”

Chanyeol didn’t move. Baekhyun eased him to the ground, and still he didn’t move. Baekhyun’s shoulders and arms ached, he could barely move them, but he forgot all about the pain when he saw Chanyeol’s back.

“Oh, shit,” Chanyeol was starting to bleed through the bandages, and when Baekhyun touched his skin it was burning hot.

Baekhyun seized a water bottle from his pack and drank from it quickly. Then he poured some on the back of Chanyeol’s neck to cool him down. he knew he should try to make Chanyeol drink, but he was afraid that Chanyeol would choke.

Baekhyun heaved Chanyeol onto his back again, staggering a bit under his weight, but he gritted his teeth and kept walking. One foot in front of the other.

Around midday Chanyeol stirred, startling Baekhyun out of a stupor.

“Baekhyun.”

“I’m here, baby.”

“What happened?”

“You got hurt,” Baekhyun was breathing so hard he didn’t even know if Chanyeol could understand him. “I’m taking you home now, love. We’re going to get Yixing to take care of you.”

“It hurts, Baek it really hurts…”

“Shh, don’t cry, you’ll hurt yourself more. Don’t cry, don’t cry, you got wings, Chanyeol! You got wings, you’ll be able to fly soon. You’re a real phoenix now.”

Chanyeol sobbed quietly. “It feels like fire…”

“You’re not on fire,” Baekhyun slurred, hitching Chanyeol’s legs higher on his waist. His arms, shoulders, back, even his neck were all screaming in protest, but he focused on the road ahead. “If you were on fire, I’d smell something burning, and I just smell blood.”

They would be home soon, Baekhyun had been walking for a long time. They would be home soon. One foot in front of the other.

“Chanyeol, are you awake?”

“The sun is setting Chanyeol, look. I can see the city, we’re almost home, baby.”

“Chanyeol, say something.”

“You’re breathing, I can feel you breathing, I know you’re alive.”

“I finally got better, and now it’s you that’s not healing.”

“I’m tired, but I’m not going to stop. I can’t, because you’re hurt, and this is the most I can do to help you. I wish I could do more. Oh in the name of the Tree, I hope there aren’t any flies in your wounds. I’m sorry baby, I can’t pull over and check because I wouldn’t be able to pick you up again. You’ll be okay, I’m sure that we’ll make it home before midnight.”

“It looks so far away…”

“Almost there, Chanyeol.”

“I’m going to kill the Guardians who put us here. If we were home, if you hadn’t taken me away, you just wanted to help me, and this is the thanks you get. If I hadn’t been…if I hadn’t been locked up in that damn tower, we wouldn’t have been in this mess. When we get home, I’m going to tear that tower apart with my bare hands.”

“I’m going after those Guardians, Chanyeol. I know why Kai’s so mad at them. Every single bit of suffering in our lives leads back to their mistakes. Why should we pay for it? It’s not fair…we didn’t do anything wrong. We didn’t do anything to deserve this, Chanyeol.”

“Chanyeol. I was counting steps in my head…I lost count.”

“Almost…there.”

“I’m so thirsty…”

“I can’t feel my arms.”

“I should stop talking.”

“Chanyeol…please be okay.”

The sky was just getting light with dawn when Baekhyun reached the first gate. By then he knew there was no way he could have possibly opened the door. He couldn’t move his arms, they had stopped hurting, in fact he’d lost all feeling in them. He thought the only reason he hadn’t dropped Chanyeol was that his muscles had seized up and frozen in place.

When Baekhyun reached the gate he tipped his head to the sky and summoned the last bit of strength from deep within his body, and he unleashed a bright flash of light—even if they were inside, sleeping, his brothers would see it.

“They’re coming for us, Chanyeol,” His throat was so dry. “Hang in there, we’re almost home…”

Baekhyun didn’t know how long he waited, but he knew it wasn’t really too long before the door to the gate finally opened. Suho was the first one to come out.

“By the Tree!” He cried, “Baekhyun, what happened?!”

Baekhyun could feel his legs starting to buckle. “Chanyeol…he’s hurt.”

Suho rushed over—it didn’t seem like he’d seen the wings before, but as he approached he saw them.

“Oh my god, Kris, Tao, get over here!”

Baekhyun felt Suho steady him. “Hang on Baekhyun, they’re coming…”

He heard Kris and Tao gasp at the same time, but he couldn’t see them. Everything was dark…but it was dawn…oh, his eyes were shut.

“Baekhyun, honey, I need you to let go of Chanyeol.”

“I can’t,” he whispered. He fell forward a little and cried out as his shoulders shifted. “Hyung, my arms…”

“Okay, okay Baekhyun…Kyungsoo, help me, I need you to get Baekhyun’s arms…”

Baekhyun felt himself being forced to let go of Chanyeol, his arms moved around to the side. He didn’t have the energy to scream again, he just whimpered in pain and collapsed against something warm and firm.

“Oof…Chen, help me carry him…”

Baekhyun’s head lolled to the side, someone cradled him in his arms—Suho, it was Suho.

“Suho,” Baekhyun panted, “Chanyeol…he’s not healing.”

“Shh, darling I know, we’re taking both of you to the medical wing, Yixing’s going to look at him, he;s going to help.”

“The wings…they just…they exploded out of his back…there was blood everywhere.” He sobbed. “I tried, hyung, I tried to help…”

“Baby, please, don’t try to talk, okay? I know you tried, you did so well, you carried him all this way, right? You did well, my brave boy, you did so well, now we need to help you.”

Chen spoke up. “Let’s take him to the bathroom, he’s covered in blood…”

Baekhyun knew he was about to fall unconscious, and he didn’t try to fight it. Instead he welcomed the darkness and the absence of pain that came with it.

When Baekhyun woke up it was because of pain in his shoulders. His eyes flew open and he gasped, thrashing away from whatever was hurting him.

Suho’s face swam into view. “Easy, Baekhyun, it’s okay, it’s just me.”

Baekhyun stopped thrashing, taking a moment to gather his wits. He was in a bathtub, and it was slowly being filled with water courtesy of Suho.

Someone started petting his hair and he craned his head back. It was Kyungsoo.

“Hey there,” Kyungsoo said softly. “It’s okay, we’re just going to get the blood off of you.”

Baekhyun realized he was shaking. “M-my arms,” he said, cutting off with a cough.

“I know,” Suho said soothingly. He kept filling the tub, and Kyungsoo held a glass of water to Baekhyun’s lips. Baekhyun gulped it down desperately.

Suho kept talking. “Yixing will help you in a moment, he’s just taking care of Chanyeol now.”

Chanyeol, Chanyeol.

“Is he okay?” His shoulders and arms were aching as he struggled to get up, but he didn’t even care, he could deal with the pain. “Where is he? Where is Chanyeol?”

“He’s in the next room,” Suho said with a gentle tone, one that didn’t match the firm hand he had pressed into Baekhyun’s chest. “You need to just stay still until Yixing gets here, you’re very badly hurt.”

“Chanyeol’s skin was ripped off,” Baekhyun said, babbling, “I wrapped it as best I could but it bled everywhere, I didn’t know what to do, I was worried about the flies, I wrapped the wounds as best I could, I tried, I tried, hyung, I didn’t know what to do! Is he okay, is Chanyeol okay?”

“He’ll be fine, Baekhyun, please stop trying to stand.”

Baekhyun fell back into the tub, but not because he wanted to—he didn’t have the strength to stand anymore. “I want to see him, Suho, where is he?”

Suho picked up a cloth and scrubbed at Baekhyun’s face. “He’s in the next room, Baekhyun. I think Yixing’s done with him. Now it’s your turn.”

“My turn?”

His shirt fell away. Suho removed Baekhyun’s wet and filthy jeans with clinical concern. “You’re hurt Baekhyun, you need to be healed.”

The door opened and Yixing came in. “Chanyeol’s going to be okay,” He said before Baekhyun could even open his mouth. “His wounds are patched and he’s sleeping, now let’s take care of your arms.”

Baekhyun shook his head. “No, no, it’s not me, it’s Chanyeol, Chanyeol was hurt, you need to take care of him!”

Yixing laid his hands on Baekhyun’s shoulders. Baekhyun shrieked in pain, but it was short lived. The ache remained, but it slowly lessened.

“It’s not me,” he whimpered, grasping along the edge of the tub for something that could help him stand. Suho grabbed his hands and squeezed them.

“Baekhyun, Chanyeol is okay. Do you understand?”

Baekhyun gasped as he felt his muscles start to heal. They’d been torn, twisted, popped out of place, one felt like it had been separated from his bone at some point. The damage wnet beyond his arms and shoulders. His ribs were strained from his harsh breathing, his knees were hurt from when he fell, his feet were all kinds of messed up...

“Chanyeol,” he whimpered. “It’s…he’s hurt, not me, not me…”

Suho stroked Baekhyun’s face gently. “Yixing’s almost done. We’ll take you to Chanyeol in a minute, okay?”

Baekhyun’s eyes rolled into the back of his head and his whole body tensed—Yixing squeezed his shoulders tightly, and then it was over.

“There,” Yixing said. “You’re all better.”

Baekhyun laid still, feeling stunned. His shoulders, arms, and back all felt too new, too stiff. He didn’t fight Suho and Kyungsoo when they washed his hair and body, nor when they pulled him from the tub and redressed him. When they carried him from the bathroom the first thing he saw was Chanyeol. He was lying on a large bed, sprawled out on his stomach with his great, red wings fanned out around him.

Suho and Kyungsoo carried Baekhyun to the bed and tucked him in beside Chanyeol. Baekhyun curled into his side, touching his face gently. Chanyeol was asleep, his chest rising and falling with deep breaths, but his face still looked slightly pained, and he was still very warm.

“Chanyeol,” he whispered, “Don’t leave me…please don’t leave me…”

* * *

Baekhyun didn’t remember falling asleep.

When he woke up, it was dark. He needed to go to the bathroom, he was hungry, and his throat was on fire. He sat up and saw Kris sitting next to him. On his other side Chanyeol was still sprawled on the bed, still asleep.

“Hi,” Kris said, handing him a glass of water. Baekhyun gulped it down.

“Welcome back,” Kris continued.

“Back?” Baekhyun asked.

“You’ve been asleep for three days. You and Chanyeol.”

Baekhyun looked to the side. Chanyeol didn’t look like he was in pain anymore. “Is he okay?”

“Yes, Yixing told me to tell you that you did an excellent job taking care of him. It’s really thanks to you that his wounds weren’t too bad—you kept them clean and protected.”

Baekhyun sighed in relief, and then focused on a more urgent matter. “I need the bathroom…”

Kris stood up. “Yixing said your legs might be weak, here…” He put his arm around Baekhyun’s waist and helped him up. Baekhyun was very weak, and he tried not to lean on Kris too much but he wasn’t very successful.

“Are you going to help me pee, too?” Baekhyun asked crossly.

Kris had the nerve to grin. “Not like it’s anything I haven’t seen before. But I’ll leave.”

Baekhyun was grateful for the few moments to himself. He got a shock when he looked in the mirror as he was washing up and saw how pale his skin was, how thin he’d gotten. Had he been like this when he left?

When Baekhyun opened the bathroom door, Kris was waiting for him, and Suho was there too. they both helped Baekhyun back to bed and sat beside him.

“Why do you both look so worried?” Baekhyun asked them. “What happened?”

Suho laughed, but he looked exhausted. “What didn’t happen. Baekhyun…well, you and Chanyeol missed a lot.” He took a deep breath. “Tao and Kai…they figured out that they can travel through time.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original notes:  
> DUN DUN DUN~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
> 
> THIS WILL HAVE EVEN MORE TWISTS AND TURNS THAN THE FIRST GOD GENE ARC.


	66. The God Gene Part X

‘ _You were covered in blood, we didn’t realize how bad it was until we got you inside. We thought you were actually bleeding, until we realized it was…splattered. I thought Chanyeol’s wings were covered in it too, until we tried to wash them and realized they were just red. You’ve been having nightmares these past three days—not like in the past, there’s no screaming or crying. You just laid there and shivered, sometimes you would whimper and…you sounded so scared. There was no way to wake you up, all we could do was just hold you until you grew quiet again. And Chanyeol hasn’t moved at all, he’s so still and quiet…but I think he’s still in pain._ ’

Baekhyun woke up to Yixing squeezing his ankle gently.

“Hi,” Yixing greeted. “I’m here to work on your muscles.”

Baekhyun nodded and sat up with a groan. He didn’t notice it when he was sleeping, but he really was sore. He glanced at Chanyeol, still knocked out. It had only been a few hours since Baekhyun first woke up, and even though he knew that Chanyeol’s injuries were far worse, the continued lack of consciousness was a little scary.

“I need you to go to the other bed,” Yixing said.

Baekhyun winced. He didn’t want to be apart from Chanyeol, but Yixing was the healer, he would know best. He got up slowly, jaw clenched against the pain. Yixing helped him walk the two feet to the other bed and then Baekhyun collapsed, winded.

“Why does it still hurt?” He panted. “I thought you fixed me.”

“It took a lot of energy to get Chanyeol better again…” Yixing trailed off, looking guilty.

Baekhyun glared. “What aren’t you telling me?”

“I…it’s just…Chanyeol lost a lot of blood.” He spoke very softly, as if it could lessen the magnitude of his words. “I think that he went into shock. I think his body kind of shut down, not because of the pain, but because of blood loss.”

Baekhyun shivered. “He was unconscious almost the whole time I carried him. Are you saying he…could have died?”

Yixing sighed in frustration. “I don’t know. I don’t know what our bodies are capable of, I don’t know why Chanyeol wasn’t healing, I don’t know why you weren’t healing—”

“I did,” Baekhyun interrupted. “When…um, right before Chanyeol’s wings…my hand healed.”

“Really? Did your gift come back at that moment too?”

“I didn’t try to use it at that moment,” Baekhyun mumbled. “I didn’t think to test it, I was distracted.”

“What were you doing?”

Baekhyun blushed furiously and didn’t answer.

“Oh,” Yixing said. “ _Oh._ ”

There was an awkward silence and then Yixing cleared his throat. “I, um…like I was saying it took a lot to heal Chanyeol. I had to help his blood replenish itself. I couldn’t do a lot, that’s probably why he’s still unconscious. Anyway what I did for you was mostly preliminary stuff to help you not feel like you were dying, now I can fine tune it.” He paused. “You, um…I need you to undress.”

Baekhyun pouted. “Why?”

“So I can have easier access. I can’t heal through clothing when I'm depleted like this. You can leave your underwear on.”

“Gee, thanks a lot,” Baekhyun sniped. He undressed without looking at Yixing, literally hissing when he was offered help. Once Baekhyun had stripped down to his underwear Yixing started working, laying his hands on Baekhyun’s shoulders.

“This is where you’re most hurt,” he explained. “When you got here I managed to fix a lot of problems just with this position, now I need to feel more for where you’re hurt…” He dragged his hands down Baekhyun’s back, pressing slightly. Baekhyun gasped in pain about halfway down.

“You’re really torn up, by the Tree…”

Warmth spread from Yixing’s hands through Baekhyun’s back and he groaned, leaning into the touch.

“Better?” Yixing asked.

Baekhyun nodded. He hesitated for a moment. “I’m sorry I snapped at you. And hissed at you.”

“What?” Yixing asked distractedly. “Oh Baekhyun, it’s fine.”

“No, you were just trying to help me and…I’m just not used to…you know, walking around exposed.”

“Oh, yeah. Sorry.”

“Like I said, you were just trying to help.”

Yixing continued to work on Baekhyun’s back. It took him a few minutes to finish, and when he was done he handed Baekhyun his shirt. “I’ll work on your legs now, but put it on and tell me if you feel any pain.”

Baekhyun did just that. “My back feels okay, but my ribs are a little sore.” Without being prompted he lifted his shirt so Yixing could poke around on his chest.

“Oh, yeah, you are all messed up. Hang on, I need to kind of kneel over you…” Yixing ended up with one leg across Baekhyun’s thighs, his palms spread on Baekhyun’s ribs. “Sorry,” he said, “This is kind of odd.”

“Well it’s working,” Baekhyun said with a shrug.

Yixing hummed, pressing into Baekhyun’s ribs a little harder.

“Why is my whole body so screwed up when I was just carrying him on my back?”

Yixing grinned. “You know why. Everything is connected, your back, your ribs, your shoulders, your legs, everything runs together. Your whole body was trying to help compensate for Chanyeol’s dead weight.”

Baekhyun shuddered, and Yixing felt it. “You alright?”

Baekhyun gulped. “I don’t know,” he said quietly. “I…when we got here…was I awake?”

“Yeah, you were talking to us…” Yixing trailed off. “Kind of.”

“Kind of?”

“You…I mean I only heard a little but when I was healing you, you kept saying that you weren’t hurt, Chanyeol was, and I needed to take care of him first. I already had though, we—me and Suho—we told you a few times that Chanyeol was going to be okay…”

Baekhyun knew he must have looked stunned.

Yixing pulled his hands back, looking down at Baekhyun worriedly. “Do you remember that?”

Baekhyun shook his head.

Yixing slowly stood up. “I guess that’s not surprising, given your condition. You were dehydrated, hurting, you’d been in the sun for…” he stopped. “How long did you walk for?”

Baekhyun focused on that—he knew that. “We left at sunset and walked through the night, then the next day, and then again through the night.”

“Did you stop?”

“Once,” Baekhyun said quietly. “Then I saw that he was bleeding through the bandages, and I didn’t stop after that.”

Yixing’s jaw dropped. “You walked for thirty six hours with Chanyeol on your back, and you only stopped once? For what, a minute? By the Tree, okay, no wonder you were so out of it when you got here, oh my god you…” he sat on the bed, looking like he was deep in thought. “What happened? Why did the two of you leave in the first place, what was it that Chanyeol was trying to accomplish?”

Baekhyun sighed and leaned back. “Chanyeol took me away because he wanted to help me. He wanted…he said that I ever let him take care of me, in any way, and he wanted to do that. So I let him. That’s when I started healing again.”

“Is that when you started speaking again too?” Yixing asked. “I should have asked you that first. It was such a shock to hear your voice again.”

“Yes, I started speaking again.”

Yixing nodded. “I saw the light you unleashed last night, it was very powerful. It’s also strange, that level of power you were able to summon under the circumstances. Can you try to use your gift now?”

Baekhyun took a deep breath and held up his palm. He concentrated hard, and a tiny little ball of light hovered above his palm, but it was very dim. He was so disappointed.

“Actually, that’s pretty good, all things considered. It sounds like you were better, until…this happened. I don’t know if the light you released was just so much that now you need recovery or if maybe you’re stressed. Right now you are actually healing yourself, but it’s very minor, it’s actually about the same as the strength of your gift.”

“And Chanyeol’s not healing at all,” Baekhyun said quietly.

“No,” Yixing agreed.

Baekhyun glanced over at him. He was sound asleep, his chest rising and falling steadily.

Yixing went to the end of the bed and pulled Baekhyun’s legs into his lap and worked his hands over Baekhyun’s calves. “Talking about it might help.”

“Help who?”

“You.”

Baekhyun almost said that he wasn’t the one who needed help, but then he stopped himself. Chanyeol would want him to ask for help, to take help when it was offered.

“We talked about…me, for a little while,” Baekhyun began. “I told him that I felt so cold compared to him. I’m so bad at loving people, reaching out to people…he said that I’m not. He said that he knows how loving I am. After that…that’s when the wings…they just ripped out of his back. I closed my eyes at first but when I heard his skin split open, that’s when I opened my eyes. For a second I just saw all the blood. It was like…it was disgusting. I was stunned for a while but eventually I went to him. He was unconscious and I knew I needed to clean the wounds. So I boiled water and put some towels in it to disinfect them, then I started cleaning the wounds. He was in a lot of pain, I didn’t want to move him, but when I realized he wasn’t healing I knew I had to. I was worried about flies…so I wrapped the wounds.” Baekhyun took a deep, shuddering breath. “He screamed until he passed out. And I ignored him and kept going. I hurt him…”

Yixing squeezed his calf. “You saved him,” he said fiercely. “Truly, what you did was so important, I would have done the same thing. Since he wasn’t healing, if the wounds had become infected…I don’t know what would have happened. He could have gotten seriously ill, if it had gotten infected we might have needed to amputate the wings, I don’t know. But the wounds were clean when you got him here.”

Baekhyun nodded, but he kept his eyes down. “He’ll know that I hurt him.”

“He’ll know that you saved him from even worse pain. Do you know how much infected, open wounds can hurt? Chanyeol will call you a hero when he wakes up.”

Baekhyun wanted to smile at that. He wanted to be proud of himself for what he had done, but it was so hard to be happy with Chanyeol lying there, unresponsive.

Yixing slowly massaged Baekhyun’s ankles, looking deep in thought. “You suffered a lot. All of us have, and now with this business with Tao and Kai going on…I don’t know what we’ll do. I really wonder if we’ll ever be alright, mentally.”

Baekhyun sighed. “I’m not hurting anymore, Yixing. There’s nothing wrong with me.”

Yixing glared at Baekhyun. “Just because you don’t have two gaping holes in your back it doesn’t mean that you’re not hurting. You’re hurt up _here_ ,” and he reached out and tapped his finger against Baekhyun’s temple, “And that’s just as painful as any other injury, it’s okay not to be alright and it’s okay to need some time to recover.”

Baekhyun knew Yixing wasn’t wrong, but it didn’t feel right. “Chanyeol has it worse.” He felt like crying. “It just isn’t fair. He never did anything wrong and he’s suffering.”

Yixing sighed and stood up, handing Baekhyun his pants. Baekhyun couldn’t even bring himself to be happy that he didn’t feel any pain when he redressed. He got up and went back to Chanyeol’s bed.

“You know,” Yixing said, “You said before that you felt cold next to Chanyeol, and you didn’t know how to express your love for him. But the way you’re acting now, the way you responded when he was hurt…I don’t think anyone could have cared for him better.”

Baekhyun was stunned. “But I didn’t…it was what anyone would have done.”

“But it came from you,” Yixing said. “You wrapped his wounds, you carried him for miles on your own back, you came here covered in blood and aching and all you could think about was his well-being.” He grinned and patted Baekhyun’s shoulder. “He’s lucky to have you.”

Baekhyun was silent. He didn’t know what to say.

Yixing gestured towards the door. “We’re having a meeting to discuss what Kai and Tao learned. Do you want to come?”

“No,” Baekhyun said firmly. “No, I’m staying here.”

“Don’t you want to know what’s going on?”

Baekhyun shook his head. “I don’t care, Chanyeol’s more important to me. Just, I don’t know, warn me if they’re going to disrupt the space-time continuum or something.”

Yixing laughed. “Sure, I’ll keep you posted. Come find me if he wakes up, okay?”

Baekhyun waited until Yixing left, then he crawled under the blanket and pressed close to Chanyeol, as close as he could without moving him. How could Baekhyun ever put words to what Chanyeol meant to him? This was the boy who never once gave up on him, who tried—even if he was slightly misguided—to bring Baekhyun out of his shell and connect with him. This was the boy who knew about Baekhyun’s nightmares and would come hold him when they got bad, never mentioning it in front of the others but always being there as a quiet yet strong support. This was the man that Baekhyun rediscovered, years and years later, finally realizing just how special Chanyeol was.

And maybe Baekhyun was that special too. Maybe it wasn’t about being deserving of Chanyeol’s love, but about becoming accepting of his own qualities, good and bad.

Baekhyun felt himself tearing up. That was really where he failed. It was that he refused to allow himself to see what Chanyeol loved about him. But Baekhyun knew the reasons, so he closed his eyes and whispered them to himself.

“I am funny, I make people smile. I make them laugh.”

“I am so good looking it’s almost unfair to the rest of humankind.”

“I am accepting of other people’s flaws. I don’t try to make people change.”

“I know what I want, even when I don’t think I do. It’s confusing, but it makes sense.”

“I have a bright smile. I love my smile as much as I love Chanyeol’s.”

“I take care of my friends, and I love them.”

Baekhyun hiccupped on a sob and wiped his eyes. “Chanyeol,” he whimpered, “I wish you could hear this. I hope you’ll wake up soon.” He sat up and kissed Chanyeol’s cheek, his jaw, his temple. He smiled to himself and leaned down to whisper into Chanyeol’s ear, “Once upon a time, there was a beautiful princess who was turned into a sparrow, and there were two brave little boys who fought for her hand in marriage…”

* * *

Tao squirmed under the gaze of eight other people. He wished they could have done this outside, or in a bigger space, but the house they were in was very cramped. Everyone was just sitting around, staring, and for some reason their passive stances made Tao even more nervous. This wasn’t going to be easy to explain, and Tao felt like the walls were closing in around him.

“So,” Chen asked, “How exactly did you two figure this out?”

Tao was silent. Kai answered, “I thought about it a while ago and told Tao. We didn’t want to bring it up because we didn’t have any proof that it would work. We’ve been experimenting for a while but it was Tao who figured it out.”

Tao glared at Kai. He didn’t want to talk.

“Tao,” Suho said softly, “Please just tell us how you figured this out.”

Tao glanced at him and Kris before sighing and deciding to get it over with. “I meditated. I haven’t done it since…since the woods. But I finally did it and, I really don’t know what I did exactly, but somehow it was like I got in touch with my gift again and I could really feel how powerful I was. It was then that I just felt this pull, and I concentrated on that feeling…I can’t explain it but it felt like it was taking me somewhere. I didn’t know where, or rather when, because I realized that whatever it was, it was pulling me towards the past. That’s how I figured it out.”

“How long ago was this?” Xiumin asked.

Tao fidgeted. “Two days ago. I told Kai yesterday but I wasn’t sure if I wanted to do anything about it.”

“And now?” Kris prompted.

“Now…I kind of want to try.”

“Try what, exactly?” Chen asked.

“Going to the past,” Kai answered. “If it works then maybe we can change something, but we wanted to run it by everyone first.”

Chen leapt to his feet, sparks flying from his fingers. “No way in hell.”

Kai looked surprised. “We didn’t say anything yet.”

Chen pointed his finger at Kai. “You! You’ve done this to me before! Tell me, what did you do this time?”

Kai looked guilty. “We didn’t go all the way back but…Tao and I used our gifts at the same time and realized that we can, physically, go back in time. Like if we went back to exactly five minutes ago, there would be two of me and two of Tao sitting in this room, and we would all be aware of the future me and Tao. But we didn’t go anywhere, we just tested it a little—”

“Even though you knew it could potentially have awful results?” Chen yelled. “By the Tree! Kai, what were you thinking? What if you got stuck? What if something went wrong? What if you got hurt?!” He marched over and grabbed Kai by his collar, hauling him to his feet and shaking him. “What the actual hell were you thinking?!”

Kai held Chen’s wrists. “After all these years, you’re still afraid that something will happen to me?”

“Yes!” Chen yelled, eyes shining with tears. “Because you are the best thing that has ever happened to me and I will be damned if I lose you, do you understand me? You can’t leave me, Jongin!”

Tao still got a shock every time he heard Kai and Chen call each other by their given names. He was even more shocked at how Chen was reacting, he hadn’t known that this was such a big thing between the two of them.

Kai cradled Chen’s face in his hands. “I’m sorry, but my love, you’re the best thing that’s happened to me too. How could you think that I would allow myself to be separated from you?”

Chen whimpered and started crying harder. “You’re so…pig headed, you run into things without thinking, you underestimate danger.”

“Nothing happened,” Kai pointed out. “I’m still here.”

“You could have been hurt,” Chen insisted. “And I wouldn’t have known.”

Kai looked as miserable as Chen did. “You’re right. I am sorry I didn’t tell you, it won’t happen again, but I promise that this is totally safe. Tao wouldn’t sign off on it if it wasn’t, you know.”

“It’s true,” Tao said, “We’ll be safe.”

Chen sniffled and wiped his eyes. Kai kissed his forehead, his nose, and his lips. He said something so quietly that Tao was sure nobody but Chen heard it, and then Chen started crying even harder.

“We’ll be back,” Kai said, and then he took Chen’s hand and lead him out of the room.

There was a brief silence. “We really will be okay,” Tao said to the room at large. “Kai and I want to try this at least once. I don’t know what time we’ll end up in, but it would be back on our home planet. We won’t mess anything up, we won’t go see our past selves, we’ll be smart about it. Even if we never use this ability again, we want to explore this aspect of our power more thoroughly.”

Kris held Tao’s hand. “It’s your power, so it’s up to you and Kai. If you want to do this, we can’t stop you, and we won’t stop you.”

Tao smiled and squeezed Kris’ hand gently. “Thank you,” he said.

Suho took Tao’s other hand. “I agree, it’s really your choice.”

Around the room there were murmurs of agreement. After a few more minutes Kai and Chen came back, both looking like they had been crying, but their hands were clasped.

“So,” Kai said, his voice a little raspy. “Are we doing this?”

Tao nodded. “If it’s okay with you, it’s okay with me.”

Kai smiled. “It’s okay with us.” Chen nodded, but gave Tao a look that made it clear if Kai didn’t come back in one piece there would be hell to pay.

“So,” Kai continued, “When should we go?”

Tao considered it for a moment. He glanced at Yixing. “Baekhyun didn’t want to be a part of this?” He asked.

Yixing shook his head.

“Then let’s go now,” Tao said.

“Right now?” Kai confirmed.

“Right now,” Tao echoed. “I know what to do and I can feel something, like, buzzing inside my head saying we should go right now…”

“And we trust this guy,” Chen mumbled.

Kai chuckled and kissed him. “See you soon,” he said.

Tao turned to give Kris and Suho a kiss each. “Be right back,” he said. “Now stand back, give us some space.”

Everyone moved to the edges of the room, and Kai and Tao stood in the center and grasped each other’s hands.

“Ready?” Kai asked.

“Ready,” Tao confirmed.

There was a rush of wind, darkness, the feeling of being pulled, a brief, consuming silence…and then there was the sounds of a bustling market.

Tao opened his eyes and his heart soared. All around him he heard Northern dialect, he saw the familiar towering structures of the Northern capitol. They were home.

“Kai,” he breathed, “We did it!”

Kai was looking around, awed and confused. “But this my town,” he said. “Why are we here?”

Tao was too elated to think properly. “Let’s go, let’s walk around!”

He and Kai had arrived in a small alleyway in the middle of town, and they easily stepped out and blended in. Nobody gave them a second glance, even though their clothing was a little off. Still their dark jeans and plain, hooded sweaters weren’t different enough to call attention to themselves. Tao looked around, drinking in the sights of objects and foods he hadn’t seen in years. He held tight to Kai’s hand so they wouldn’t get lost in the bustling crowds.

“This is amazing,” Tao said. “I wonder what year it is…would it be weird if I asked?”

Kai didn’t answer, instead he came to an abrupt halt. When Tao looked at him, he saw that Kai was pale and wide eyed.

“That woman,” Kai said, pointing a head, “She’s…”

Tao followed his finger. ‘Woman’ might have been an overstatement, she looked much younger, maybe eighteen. She was thin and hungry looking, her clothing tattered. She was standing outside of a tavern, smiling at passing people and sometimes flashing a hand gesture that Tao recognized.

“That signal,” he said quietly, “Is she—”

Kai grasped Tao’s wrist so tightly that Tao yelped. “Ow, Kai!”

“Tao,” Kai said urgently, “That’s my mother.”

* * *

Suho watched Chen pace, counting the steps that he took. Chen hadn’t stopped pacing since Kai left, four hours ago.

“They’ll be back soon,” Kyungsoo said, looking up at Chen and following his movements. “You’ll see.”

Chen was chewing his nails. “I don’t know. I feel like something is wrong. Not like they’re hurt but like…something happened.”

“Like what?” Kris asked. Chen didn’t answer.

Not ten minutes later there was a rush of wind, a flash of light and then Tao and Kai were standing in the middle of the room, in the same position that they’d left in. As soon as the light cleared away, Kai fell to the floor in tears.

“Kai!” Chen screamed, rushing forward. “Are you okay, are you hurt?”  
Kris and Suho ran over as well, latching onto Tao. Tao looked frantic. “He’s not hurt,” Tao said, “He’s just, we, we saw…”

“What?” Chen demanded, holding Kai close to his chest, “What happened?”

Kai grabbed Chen’s hand and looked up at him with such a stricken look on his face that everyone stepped closer, wanting to help.

“I saw my mother,” Kai said shakily. “I talked to her, I got to know her,” he broke off with a sob. “I was so wrong about her, by the Tree I was so wrong, I didn’t know, I didn’t know anything!”

Suho knelt down and Kai leaned towards him. “Hyung,” he whimpered, “She was…she was only…she…”

“Calm down,” Suho said, “Take a deep breath.”

Kai did so and then cried harder. “She was an orphan! She was only fifteen when I was born, she was all alone, I didn’t know, and I hated her, I hated her and she was…I was wrong…” he broke off, crying too hard to continue.

Chen handed Kai over to Suho, and Suho held Kai in his arms and rocked him gently. “Shh, baby it’s okay, just breathe, we can talk later, let’s get you somewhere else, okay? Come on, you need to lay down.”

Suho carried Kai away, Chen following behind them. The remaining Guardians turned to Tao.

“What happened?” Kris asked.

Tao looked shaken as well. “We met his mother,” he said numbly. “And…and we learned that the Guardians really wronged her.” His knees buckled and Kris barely managed to catch him. “That planet,” Tao said weakly, “Was even more messed up than we realized.”


	67. The God Gene Part XI

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Mentions of underaged prostitution and drowning
> 
> With that warning you wouldn't expect it but the chapter is surprisingly funny at times, both intentionally and unintentionally. Especially towards the end. Don’t feel bad if you feel like laughing at an inappropriate time, it’s understandable. You'll see what I mean.

Kai was hysterical when Suho and Chen brought him in. Baekhyun was shocked at how bad it was, it was like seeing him at five years old again, shrieking his head off when someone tried to touch him. Baekhyun clapped his hands over his ears, not sure how much more screaming he could take. Yixing raced in and got his hand around Kai’s arm, and with a gasp Kai slumped over, unconscious. Baekhyun lowered his hands.

“I’m sorry,” Yixing said to Chen, “But I couldn’t think of any other way to make him calm down.”

Chen was shaking, one hand held over his mouth, but Baekhyun could hear him whimpering. Suho was petting Kai’s hair, fussing over him even in his sleep. Baekhyun wanted to ask what had happened but he didn't want to break the silence. The door opened a few minutes later, and the rest of the group came in, all looking pale and worried but none more so than Tao.

“What happened?” Baekhyun finally asked.

Kris shrugged. “Tao was just about to tell us, I suggested we come here so everyone could be a part of it.” He looked Kai over. “Yixing, can you wake him up?”

Yixing looked nervous. “Is that a good idea?”

“He should be awake for this,” Tao said.

Yixing didn’t look convinced but he put his hand on Kai’s arm again and slowly woke Kai up. He didn’t scream again, as he regained consciousness, but he did start to cry.

Suho held his hand. “Honey, what happened?”

Kai opened his mouth and then closed it again. He shook his head.

Tao sat on the edge of his bed. “Do you want me to tell it?”

Kai nodded, looking relieved.

“Okay.” Tao inhaled deeply and lowered his eyes, speaking to the floor. “We…we ended up in the North, in Kai’s hometown, though I didn’t know it at the time. We were in a market, and we were just walking. Nobody seemed to notice that we were dressed different, or maybe they didn’t care. After a few minutes Kai grabbed my arm and told me that he’d seen his mother. He ran off towards her and I followed, but slowly.” He glanced at Kai briefly before continuing. “She was young, only eighteen, and so skinny. Kai asked her if she wanted something to eat. She was about to say no, but then Kai said he wouldn’t have to pay him back for it, he just wanted to be nice.” Tao gulped. “She…she was a prostitute.”

Suho gasped and covered his mouth, his eyes filling with tears.

“We went to a park and we sat, Kai got us some food and his mother, she just started talking. She said her parents died when she was fourteen and she went into a lot of debt to pay for their funerals, and after that she nearly lost her house. Then she went to a brothel to ask for work. She told us that…she got pregnant very quickly. She was fifteen when…when her son was born. She didn’t know who…” Tao stopped talking because his voice kept breaking.

“She didn’t know who my father was,” Kai finished hollowly. “And of course, she didn’t recognize that I was her son. She told me that she could barely afford to feed herself, and she had no idea what to do with a baby. She couldn’t afford clothes, or get someone to look after me while she worked. She said it was hard for her to even hold him…me.” He laughed, still in that hollow tone, and Baekhyun shivered. “She had no idea what the hell she was doing. She probably had depression, and nobody helped her.”

Kai started to cry again. “She was an orphan. I asked her why she didn’t ask the Guardians for help and she…she looked at me like I was crazy. Guardians are supposed to help orphans bury their parents, and she didn’t even know about it! She didn’t know that she could ask them for help, for a better job, for a family!” He hiccupped and buried his face in his hands. “She shouldn’t have gotten pregnant,” he moaned, “She shouldn’t have had me at all, I was a mistake, a horrible one, and I hated her so much…”

Suho and Kris were next to Kai, holding him, trying to comfort him, but there was nothing they could say that could make Kai feel better, Baekhyun knew this as well as anyone did. Kai spent his whole life thinking that his mother had outright hated him, ignored him on purpose. Maybe that was still true, but now she was so much more sympathetic. A fifteen year old orphan, turning to the sex industry to pay for her parent’s funerals (she had probably lied about her age and nobody bothered to check)—she wasn’t cruel, she was a child. She had no idea what she was doing.

‘ _That poor little girl,_ ’ Baekhyun thought sadly. And Kai had been lead to believe that _he_ was a monster, that it was something wrong with _him_ which lead her to ignore him. Nobody had ever corrected him, though everyone at the Sanctuary probably knew…

“Kai basically saved himself,” Tao said suddenly. “He told her to go home and see if her son had a weird birthmark, and if he did then the Guardians would come and take him, and raise him in a better place.”

Kai sniffled and wiped his eyes. “I could tell, I just knew it was the first time in years someone had been kind to her.”

Suho was crying too. He pulled Kai into his lap and kissed his forehead, rocking him gently. Baekhyun looked away, he felt like he was intruding.

Kai stopped crying after a while. Yixing suggested that he go to his and Chen’s room to get some rest, and when the two of them left everyone else slowly filtered out as well, until Yixing and Kris were the only ones left with Baekhyun and Chanyeol.

Kris came to Baekhyun's side and touched his shoulder gently. “Are you alright?”

Baekhyun shrugged. “Better than Kai is.”

Yixing looked over at Chanyeol. “Has he woken up?”

Baekhyun shook his head, and Kris sighed. “He’ll wake up soon. And when he does, he’ll be so happy to see you and his wings that he won’t even be in any pain.”

“Really?” Baekhyun asked softly.

“I swear,” Kris promised. “It was the same for me.” He hesitated. “Will you be okay on your own? Do you want me or Yixing to stay with you? Or I could get Kyungsoo, or Xiumin.”

Baekhyun shook his head. “No, I’ll be okay.”

“Alright,” Kris said. “Yell if you need anything.”

When they left, Baekhyun laid down again and squeezed Chanyeol’s hand tightly. “if you don’t wake up soon, I swear by the Tree I will draw on your face.”

Chanyeol didn’t even stir.

* * *

Suho was at a loss, it had gotten to the point where he wondered if had really ever known what he was doing. Chen had finally chased him out of his and Kai’s room, saying that he could handle it and Suho should go get some rest. Suho had stared at the closed door for several long minutes afterwards, thinking that he really didn’t know how to take care of himself any more. And if he didn’t know how to do that, how could he possibly take care of Kai?

He went to his room, where Tao and Kris were snuggling on the bed. They looked up when he walked in.

“How’s Kai?” Tao asked.

Suho didn’t know what to say. “I got chased out, I wasn’t helping.”

Kris looked at him pityingly. Suho wanted to cry.

“You can cry,” Kris said, beckoning Suho forward. Suho went over to the bed and sat down, staring at Kris blankly. He continued, “You look like you’re about to cry. You can, you know. Nobody will judge you for it.”

Suho wanted to cry. But he couldn’t.

“I feel weird,” Suho said. “I…I can’t explain it, but I feel really weird. Empty, almost.”

Tao patted the space next to him and Suho laid down, his head on Tao’s shoulder. Tao laced their fingers together and squeezed gently. “Me too,” he said. “I don’t know what to do about it.”

“Sleep?” Kris suggested. “I know it’s probably not what you want to hear but we all probably need it.”

Suho nodded and stared blankly at the ceiling until he fell asleep.

_The Guardian was on his knees, his head bowed. He was shaking with fear, and Suho smirked at him._

_‘You think you’re afraid now?’ He asked. ‘Just you wait.’_

_He raised his hand, feeling all the water around him shiver and react to his power. He concentrated on the man in front of him, pleased when he started to choke._

_‘Stop,’ The guardian begged. ‘Please—’ He cut off with a gurgle as Suho filled his lungs with water. Suho felt giddy with power, delighted as he watched this man drown in his own lungs._

_The guardian looked up and Suho’s heart stopped._

_‘Suho,’ Kris choked, water dripping from the corner of his mouth. ‘Stop.’_

Suho woke up screaming and he jerked away from Tao, rolling off the mattress. He started crawling away, crying so hard that he could barely breathe. He felt hands on his shoulders and lashed out, yelling, “Go away, go away!”

“It’s okay,” Kris said. Suho felt his racing heart stutter to a halt. “It’s alright!”

Suho lashed out again. “No,” he gasped, his teeth chattering from fear. “No, no…no, it’s not, I did it again…”

“It’s okay,” Kris repeated, lifting Suho into his arms. Suho kicked and squirmed, but he was so weak with fear that it was easy for Kris to keep a hold on him as he carried Suho back to bed. “You just had a nightmare,” Kris said gently. “That’s all it was, a nightmare.”

Suho couldn’t even look at him. “But it was you,” he cried. “I was hurting you!”

Kris kissed his forehead and Suho turned away, disgusted with himself. “Don’t you dare, don’t even touch me!” He finally squirmed out of Kris’ arms and scuttled away. “I’m a monster,” Suho whispered to himself. “And I’m a killer. No wonder I can’t help Kai, or Baekhyun and Chanyeol, or anyone.”

Tao crawled over. “That’s not true! You’ve been so helpful, it’s okay to be the one who needs help now.”

“Now is the worst time to need help,” Suho countered, choking back sobs. “Everything is falling apart.”

Kris sighed. “Suho, things have been falling apart for years. This is nothing new.” He sat in front of Suho and didn’t move away, even when Suho flinched. “I’m fine,” Kris said emphatically, putting his hands on Suho’s shoulders once again. “Look, you didn’t hurt me. I’m not afraid of you. This is what your brain does when you have dreams, it takes the faces of people you know and puts them in the dream, who that person is doesn’t mean anything.”

Suho knew that, but it didn’t make the dream any less frightening. He stopped fighting and allowed Kris to maneuver him back into bed. Kris tucked the blankets around him and brushed his sweaty hair off his forehead.

Kris spoke softly. “You’re stressed out. You get these nightmares when you feel overwhelmed or helpless. They are meaningless, just the product of an overly tired brain. You’re not a monster and you’re certainly not a killer. You are my best friend and I love you, and I know that you love me just as much. You wouldn’t hurt me, or Tao, or anyone else.”

Suho slowly relaxed. Kris kept stroking his hair and cheeks, and soon the shaking and tears stopped, leaving Suho feeling absolutely exhausted.

Kris leaned down and kissed Suho, just a small peck, but Suho latched onto his collar and pulled him back for a deeper kiss. Suho licked passed Kris’ lips and arched up, wishing the blanket between them was gone. He let go of Kris’ shirt with one hand and reached for Tao, squeezing his hand when he found it.

Kris pulled back and placed a firm hand on Suho’s chest. “We need to sleep.”

Suho pouted. “We’re awake…” he whined.

Kris smiled and kissed his cheek. “We have all the time in the world, we can continue this in the morning, right Tao?”

Tao hummed in agreement, petting Suho’s wrist. “It has been a while, though.”

“Sex in the morning,” Kris said again. “Sleep now.”

* * *

Sehun and Lu Han had just finished breakfast. It was too cold to eat in the outdoor pavilion, so they were in the indoor dining hall. Sehun was slumped over the table, quietly fuming. He really didn’t appreciate Lu Han’s sappy grin.

“Wipe your face,” he grumbled, “You’ve got some sap on it.”

Lu Han threw an arm around Sehun’s shoulders and cooed at him. “Aww, look who’s a little grumpy this morning, where’s my Sehun’s pretty smile?”

Sehun glowered. “In the bedroom, sleeping. Which is where I should be.” He kicked the table leg. “Damn those three.”

Lu Han was clearly fighting a smirk. “Oh, come on. They weren’t being that loud, and it’s clearly been a while.” He couldn’t hide his smirk any more. “I don’t think I’ve ever heard Suho sound like that.”

Sehun screamed and covered his ears. “Of all the things I never wanted to hear!!”

Lu Han was positively cackling by this point. Sehun wanted to choke him.

“Suho is like my dad! And Tao is one of my best friends, I don’t need to listen to them go at it! We need to check the soundproofing on those rooms!”

Lu Han rolled his eyes. “It was warmer last night, they probably opened the window and just forgot to close it. Honestly, you act like you’ve never heard people having sex before.”

“I haven’t! And we don’t count!”

Lu Han scoffed. “You’re no fun.”

“Better than you! You probably would have listened to them all morning if I hadn’t dragged you away.”

“I think they’re sweet.”

“I don’t think they want you listening in on them while they have sex.”

Lu Han smirked again. “Well, maybe they’re into that sort of thing. Shall I ask?”

Yixing, Xiumin and Kyungsoo walked in thirty seconds later and found Sehun sitting on Lu Han chest, his hands wrapped around Lu Han’s throat while Lu Han laughed madly.

“Ugh,” Yixing groaned. “Is this another one of those weird sex things?”

Lu Han shrieked with laughter and Sehun’s face turned so red it looked like he was going to pass out. He let go of Lu Han’s neck at once and crawled under the table.

Lu Han sat up. “Oh come on, Sehun, it wasn’t that bad! Baby, come here…” he crawled after Sehun and tried to coax him out.

Kyungsoo rolled his eyes. “If I’m ever on my knees under a table trying to get my spouse to come back out, that’s when I’ll know I have sunk too low.”

Lu Han poked his head back out. “I’ll quote you on that one day!”

Xiumin piped up, “Yixing has an update on Kai, if you’re interested, but he’ll only talk when everyone is at the table.”

There was silence for a second, then Sehun crawled into a chair and sat. His face was still very pink. Lu Han popped up next to him and leaned on his arm, peppering kisses all over his shoulder until Sehun elbowed him.

Yixing looked exhausted as he sat down, Kyungsoo and Xiumin following suit. “He’s angry,” Yixing said quietly. “Mostly at himself, but at the Guardians too.” He rubbed a hand over his face. “I’m worried about his mental state. Him and Chen. They lean on each other so much, when one hurts the other one hurts, and they…they’re very protective of each other. Like Baekhyun and Chanyeol.”

“And how are those two?” Lu Han asked.

“Chanyeol’s still out cold. Baekhyun hasn’t left his side for more than a few minutes.”

“Why isn’t Chanyeol healing?” Lu Han asked.

“Shock, probably,” Yixing said. “I mean he is healing, just not the way a Guardian is supposed to. It seems like our bodies only heal if our minds allow it, and when our minds are frazzled or when we’re overly stressed, we heal at a normal rate.”

“So, has anything changed?” Sehun demanded.

Yixing hesitated. “I guess…no, nothing’s changed.”

Sehun slithered back under the table. Lu Han didn’t even go after him.

Xiumin stood up. “I think I’m going to go talk to Kai.”

“What can you do?” Kyungsoo asked.

Xiumin shrugged. “I don’t know, but I’m going to try to do something.”

There was a brief silence after he left, then Kyungsoo sighed. “I feel weird. Like, too much is happening all at once, you know?”

“Yeah,” Yixing said. “It almost feels like it did back when…you know, I brought Lucy back to life. That stretch of time where we were all discovering our new strengths.”

“So what do you call this?” Came Sehun’s voice, slightly muffled like he was lying face down.

“I don’t know,” Yixing said thoughtfully. “Discovering our weaknesses? Lu Han, what do you think?”

Lu Han was staring blankly at the table.

“Lu Han?” Kyungsoo called, waving his hand in front of Lu Han’s face. “Helloooo?”

Lu Han’s body jolted, his head flew back and his mouth opened in a silent gasp. His shoulders and back were ridged and his nails were digging into the surface of the table.

Kyungsoo and Yixing stood up so fast they knocked their chairs over. Sehun came scrambling out from under the table.

“What happened?” Sehun demanded, his face white with fear.

Yixing ran around the table and grabbed at Lu Han’s wrist. “His pulse is normal but his pupils are dilated, and it doesn’t look like they’re responding to light…Lu Han, squeeze my hand if you can hear me.”

Lu Han was unresponsive.

“I need—” Yixing began, but he was interrupted.

“ _No!”_ Sehun wailed, running around the table. “Lu Han, don’t do this to me again!” He grabbed Lu Han’s face and stared into his eyes, searching for any response. “Lu Han, answer me! Please, don’t do this, in the name of the Tree please come back!”

Kyungsoo grabbed Sehun by the shoulders and tried to pull him back. “Sehun, you might be making it worse!”

Sehun flailed away from Kyungsoo, shouting Lu Han’s name over and over. Before anyone could do anything or even grasp the situation, Lu Han suddenly stood up, his chair went flying back and smacked into the wall and everyone went silent.

Lu Han’s whole body was as ridged as a brick, his eyes were blank and stared at nothing. Then he started to speak, in a voice that simultaneously was his own and yet sounded nothing like him.

“ _ **When the skies and the grounds were one, the legends, through their forces, nurtured the Tree of Life. An evil power coveted the heart of Tree of Life, and the heart slowly grew dry. To protect the heart of Tree of Life, the legends divide the heart in half and hide each side. Hence, time is over-turned and space turns askew. The legends divide into two and create two suns that look alike, in two worlds that seem alike. The legends travel apart. The legends shall now see the same sky but shall stand on different grounds, shall stand on the same ground but shall see different skies. The day the grounds be kept a single file before one sky in two worlds that seem alike, the legends will greet each other. The day the legends reunite, a new world shall open up.**_ ”

Then there was a brief, stunned silence, and Lu Han collapsed to the floor.

Sehun shrieked again and flew at Lu Han’s body, cradling his face. “Lu Han…Lu Han,” he whimpered, his voice shaking. “Please, please wake up. Wake up…”

Lu Han moaned weakly and opened his eyes. “Sehun…what happened? Why are you crying?”

Sehun looked like he could hardly believe it. “You remember me?”

“What? Of course I remember you. When did you come out from under the table? And why am I on the floor?”

Sehun laughed and it quickly turned into more sobbing.

Lu Han looked slightly afraid. “What’s the matter with you?”

Sehun hauled Lu Han up, threw his arms around his shoulders, and sobbed into Lu Han’s neck. “You scared me so badly! I thought you were…I thought I’d lost you again, I thought you were gone for good, I was so scared, by the Tree I was so afraid!”

Lu Han looked absolutely stunned. “What? What did I do? What happened? Sehun, talk to me!” He looked up. “Yixing, Kyungsoo, come on! You’re scaring me!”

“You scared us!” Kyungsoo shouted.

“Why are you yelling?!” Lu Han yelled, looking like he was about to cry. “I didn’t do anything!”

The door flew open and everyone screamed. Kris, Suho and Tao stood in the doorway.

“What the actual hell is going on?” Kris demanded. “We could hear you all shouting from outside!”

Yixing cleared his throat. “Guys…Lu Han just prophesized.”

Everyone froze.

“W-what?” Lu Han stammered.

“You went into a trance,” Yixing said. “You recited a prophecy.”

“You mean, he saw the future?” Kyungsoo asked.

“No,” Yixing said, “Lu Han, you don’t remember anything, do you?”

Lu Han shook his head.

Yixing continued, “He didn’t see one event, he spoke about a lot of things, and it was cryptic, it wasn’t meant to tell us exactly what to do or what would happen.”

Lu Han looked flabbergasted. “What did I say?”

Yixing repeated what Lu Han had said word for word.

“Sounds like nonsense,” Tao said.

“It’s not,” Yixing murmured. “It’s about us. Splitting the heart in two, hiding it, being reunited…we just need to figure out the rest of it.”

There was a shout from outside the door and Baekhyun suddenly ran in. “Guys!” He shouted, grinning widely, “Chanyeol’s awake!” He looked around and took stock of the room. “Where are the others? And why is everyone crying?”

Kyungsoo shook his head. “Let’s just round everyone up and meet in the Infirmary. We’ve got a lot of explaining to do.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original note:
> 
> The foreshadowing in this chapter is no joke.
> 
> Also a lot happened, let's recap: Kai found out his mom was fifteen when he was born, he's mad at the Guardians essentially for two resons: 1) They didn't help his mother, even though she was underaged when she became an orphan  
> 2) they didn't tell him that she was so young and her inexperience contributed to her poor parenting skills.  
> Then Suho had a nightmare about using his gift to drown Kris. Sehun and Lu Han flirted, while Xiumin was off looking for Kai Lu Han went into a trance, and Chanyeol finally woke up. We'll see how Kai and Xiumin's conversation went, as well as Baekhyun's reaction to Chanyeol waking up, in the next chapter.
> 
> So yeah, I used the MAMA intro. I’m just going to brag here and say that I’m a mad genius. You probably think I planned that from the beginning, but no, I actually just thought to use that thing about a week ago. I read it again and I was like "Holy crap, this actually fits really well with what I want to do in the sequel!"
> 
> Now be honest, how many of you snorted/laughed when you started reading the MAMA intro? (Yes, I did change it a little bit. Made it less wordy and hopefully made it make a little more sense.)


	68. The God Gene Part XII

When Chanyeol woke up, it was like watching a statue come to life. First there was the fluttering of his eyelids, then his jaw twitched, then his fingertips, then his chest rose as he took a deep breath, and then finally he opened his eyes.

Baekhyun was lying next to him, hardly daring to breathe.

Chanyeol blinked a few times, then he smiled. “Baekhyun,” he whispered hoarsely.

Baekhyun didn’t know if he wanted to cry into the pillow or jump for joy. “Hi, good afternoon.”

Chanyeol frowned. “My back feels heavy…”

“Does it hurt?” Baekhyun asked, anxiety creeping into his voice. He gently brushed Chanyeol’s hair out of his face. “I can get Yixing if you want me to.”

Chanyeol grabbed Baekhyun’s hand. “Don’t go.”

Baekhyun swallowed past a lump in his throat and nodded. “Okay, I’ll stay here. But are you in pain?”

Chanyeol’s eyes flicked back and forth as he focused on his body. “A little, but it’s not nearly as bad as it was.”

“Do you remember what happened?”

“Kind of hard to forget a pair of wings ripping out of my back.”

Baekhyun found himself tearing up. “Do you remember what happened after?”

“Sort of. It really hurt, I remember pain, but I also remember you. You carried me, right?”

Baekhyun nodded. “And…I had to wrap your wounds. I hurt you in the process.”

“Flies,” Chanyeol said, “You kept muttering about flies.”

Baekhyun knew the blood had drained from his face and he nodded.

“Did I get any?”

“No.”

Chanyeol smiled. “Then it worked!”

Baekhyun choked on a sob. “Oh, Chanyeol…you have no idea how much I’ve missed your smile.”

Chanyeol faltered. “How long have I been asleep for?”

“Your wings…that was five days ago. It took a day and a half to get here, then were both asleep for a few days. I woke up yesterday, and I’ve been here with you the whole time.”

Chanyeol smiled. “I know. I could tell you were here.” He moved his arm and grasped Baekhyun’s hand carefully. “When did you take the splint off?”

Baekhyun had almost forgotten that he’d injured his hand all those weeks ago. “I don’t know. It started healing after…after we made love. I think the splint is back in the house.”

Baekhyun wondered if in the future someone would stumble on the house and see the blood splatters on the walls, wondered if there were still chunks of flesh rotting on the floor. His heart rate quickened and his breath came in shallow gasps.

“Baekhyun, what’s wrong?”

He tried to force himself to calm down. “It’s okay, I’ve been…I’ve been having panic attacks lately.”

Chanyeol’s eyes filled with tears. “Is it because of me?”

“It’s not because of you! None of this is your fault. You didn’t know you were going to get wings, none of us did. And it’s probably a combination of a lot of things, memories I thought I’d gotten over but I guess not.”

“Is there anything I can do to help?”

Baekhyun actually laughed. “That’s just like you. Darling, you’re recovering from a traumatic experience. You should focus on getting better, that will make me happy.” He smiled and felt genuinely excited for Chanyeol. “And when you get better, I want to see you fly.”

Chanyeol’s eyes widened and then an ecstatic grin lit up his face. “Can I? Do you know for sure?”

“Yixing says your bones are hollowing out, and Kris says that your wings have been growing steadily the past few days. He thinks you’ll definitely be able to fly at least a little bit, maybe not as high or as far as he can but definitely, it will happen.”

Chanyeol’s eyes filled with tears. “I’m going to fly...”

Baekhyun smiled and inched closer, kissing Chanyeol for the first time in days. When he leaned back Chanyeol whined and pouted.

“Come back,” Chanyeol sad, “I wasn’t finished.”

Baekhyun kissed him again, deliberately keeping it brief. “We can kiss for hours as soon as you’re healed.” He sat up. “I’m going to go tell everyone that you’re awake. I’ll be right back.”

Chanyeol squeezed his hand. “Come back quickly, okay?”

“I will,” Baekhyun promised, and then he took off running.

* * *

Chanyeol kind of liked being alone for a few minutes. He had a lot to take in. First he tried to determine how much pain he was in, because he knew Yixing would ask. His back didn’t feel too bad, but he kind of thought that it was because he could still remember the agony of his skin being ripped open. Other than that he was a little sore all over his body, but figured that was due to his hollowing bones. Other than that, really there was no pain.

He was in a bit of a panic, though. He had no idea how Kris had managed to deal with this when he was just a child, Chanyeol wanted to crawl out of his own skin. In a way, he resented the wings. But there was no way he could ever say that out loud, not after he’d spent his childhood being so jealous of Kris for being able to fly and wrap people up in his wings. Now the weight of the new appendages on his back filled him with a kind of dread. He let them fan out, flopping into the empty space Baekhyun had left. Perhaps the one thing he liked about them was the color. They were red-orange, and they glowed with an iridescent gold shimmer. They were like fire, and Chanyeol could only imagine how they would look if he actually flew.

He didn’t realize how long he was staring at the wings until the door opened and Baekhyun dashed in, Yixing and Kris behind him. Chanyeol quickly moved his wings out of the way and Baekhyun sat on the bed beside him, breathless and flushed pink from running.

“You’ll never guess what’s happened these past few days!"

But before Baekhyun could talk, Yixing shushed him. “Later,” he scolded. “Health comes first.”

Chanyeol spaced out as Yixing examined him, answering in one word when Yixing asked him questions. He was so tired and so nervous, he wanted to be alone but he also didn’t.

“Chanyeol?”

It was Kris. Chanyeol blinked and made himself focus. Somehow, he and Kris had ended up alone in the room. Kris was crouched beside the bed, his eyes had a kind of look that made Chanyeol want to shrivel up. Concern, understanding—too understanding. He looked away.

“You don’t have to talk to me if you don’t want to,” Kris said, his voice soft. “I just want you to know that when you are ready, I’ll be here for you. I just want to help you through this. It’s going to be a big adjustment on your part, and you shouldn’t have to go through it alone.”

He was making Chanyeol want to spill everything, and he deliberately clenched his jaw shut. Kris touched his hair, so gently that Chanyeol barely felt it.

“Do you want to cry? You look like you do. I won’t judge you for it. I cried a lot in the beginning, too.”

So perceptive. Chanyeol felt his lip tremble and his eyes grew hot with tears. “I…”

“Yes?” Kris prompted.

Chanyeol sniffled and closed his eyes so he wouldn’t have to see the look on Kris’ face. “I don’t want them.” And then he started to cry for real.

He didn’t expect Kris to lay down next to him and hold him, but he did. He didn’t expect for Kris to understand, but it seemed like he did. Chanyeol cried for what felt like forever, his face pressed into Kris’ chest. When he finally calmed down, he tried to explain.

“I’ve always wanted to fly, but I didn’t think that it would mean Baekhyun would suffer because of it. But he did. He says it wasn’t my fault but it was. I can’t believe I took him away, I left him defenseless and alone. Now he’s even worse, and it’s because of me.”

“Baekhyun doesn’t think so.”

“He would never say that!” Chanyeol cried. “Even if he did think it, he would never say something like that.”

“Chanyeol,” Kris said sharply, “It’s okay to not want the wings. But don’t let Baekhyun be the reason for that. What happened was unfortunate, but it wasn’t your fault, nor was it Baekhyun’s, though he thinks it was. The only way the two of you are going to pull through this is if you both stop blaming yourselves and come together to help each other. It’s not going to happen overnight but it needs to start right now, do you understand me?”

Chanyeol didn’t answer. Kris put a finger under Chanyeol’s chin and tipped his head back. “Navigating life with wings is not going to be easy. Don’t make it harder on yourself by thinking that what happened to Baekhyun was your fault. It’s not true, you need to start believing that or you’ll only make yourself miserable. And it will drive a wedge between you and Baekhyun, you may not think so but it will, and you won’t realize it until it’s too late.”

Chanyeol was shocked. Kris had never spoken to him this way before. He was being plain cruel.

“Don’t look at me like that, I’m going through this with Suho right now. We’re going to get through it but only because I finally got through to him and told him that the only way we were going to get through this was with total honest and a promise that we would never resent ourselves because we thought we’d hurt each other. This is total, brutal honesty and you need to hear it, because Baekhyun isn’t going to say it.”

“I’m not you, what makes you think Baekhyun and I will end up like that?”

Kris shook his head. “It’s already happening. You think you’re protecting him by hiding how you feel about your wings when this is something that he, as your husband, is supposed to help you through. He loves you so much, all he wants is to be here for you, he can’t do that if you remain silent.”

Chanyeol didn’t know what to say. “What do you want from me?”

“Tell Baekhyun how you feel, and do it soon, or so help me I will tell him for you.”

“You can’t do that,” Chanyeol said immediately.

“Of course I can,” Kris said. “I don’t want to, but right now I’m worried about your mental state, you and Baekhyun. Hiding things from each other is not going to help, all it’s going to do is—” He cut himself off and took a deep breath. “We have been alone for a long time,” Kris said slowly. “And we will be alone for longer still. The only way we’re going to keep ourselves from going insane is by not lying to the people we love. Baekhyun is deeply hurt, and he’s been keeping it bottled up. Blaming yourself for his problems is not going to make him better. All it will do is cause you to pull away from him, and then he will be even more hurt. I didn’t want to scare you, because I know you’re going through a lot too, but you need to know. He’s been having nightmares, and panic attacks, and his gift is weak, weaker even than Lu Han’s. He’s not healing the way he should be, and at this point I’m not sure if there’s anything the Tree can do.”

Chanyeol felt like the world had dropped out from under his feet. “You think…he’s g-going to…lose his mind?”

Kris looked as scared as Chanyeol felt. “I hope not.”

Kris called Baekhyun back into the room with a grim look on his face, and Baekhyun panicked, thinking something was wrong with Chanyeol, but he looked alright.

“Baekhyun,” Kris said, “We need to talk about you.”

Baekhyun gaped at Kris. “Me? Chanyeol just had—”

“We’ll talk about that later. We’re all worried about you, Baekhyun, we need to talk about your mental health.”

Baekhyun was having a hard time understanding. “My mental health? Mine? Maybe we need to talk about yours if you think—”

“Baekhyun,” Chanyeol said quietly, “He’s right. You haven’t been right for a long time.”

Baekhyun shook his head. “I’ll be okay, you shouldn’t worry about me.”

“But I am worried about you. I’m worried about…” Chanyeol’s voice broke. “What my wings have done to you.”

Baekhyun whirled on Kris. “Did you do this?”

“Chanyeol admitted it to me just now,” Kris said. “But I told him that we need to help you now, before it’s too late. This isn’t an attempt to belittle you or to avoid what’s happened to Chanyeol, this conversation was going to happen one way or another. And we’re going to talk to Kai about his health later too, because he’s had a very big shock as well and he might suffer for it.”

Baekhyun sat on the bed opposite Chanyeol’s. “How long have you been thinking about this for?”

Kris answered, “Since you got locked in the storage room. I should have brought it up sooner.”

“Is it just you, or is it everyone?”

“It’s…mostly me. Nobody else wants to believe that something like this could happen.” He sat down next to Baekhyun. “I’m not sure what’s going on, but I think you have posttraumatic stress disorder. If we let it go untreated for much longer…I’m worried about what it will do to you in the long run.”

“Do you think I could eventually be…Lost?”

Kris shook his head. “We won’t let it get that far.”

Baekhyun was struck by another thought. “What if it’s Mama?” He gasped. “What if the darkness infected me?”

“No,” Chanyeol said. “That didn’t happen. The Tree has been poking around in our heads for years since we left, it would have seen if something was wrong with you, _I_ would have seen!” He stood up and walked over, getting down on his knees in front of Baekhyun. “The darkness didn’t get you. You never turned your back on the Tree, or on us, so when would it have had a chance?” He took Baekhyun’s hands and gazed up at him, his eyes so full of love that Baekhyun wanted to cry. “Don’t doubt yourself, my love.”

Baekhyun wasn’t quite sure of what happened after that, he was crying too hard to really pay attention to anything. Chanyeol and Kris sat with him until he finally stopped. It took a long time.

“How can this be stopped?” Baekhyun asked.

“Kai will know, he's done a lot of research on mental health,” Kris said, “So has Yixing. There are ways.”

Baekhyun nodded. “Okay, so when Kai feels better, we’ll ask him?”

“We’ll ask him tomorrow,” Kris said firmly. "The sooner the better."

Baekhyun sighed but agreed. He turned to Chanyeol, suddenly realized what he was seeing, and gasped. “You! You shouldn’t be out of bed, your back!”

Chanyeol jumped and the feathers on his wings stood on end. “Oh!” He cried. “But I feel fine! I…” He started struggling with his shirt. “These wings…make it so hard to get…undressed!”

Kris tugged at Chanyeol’s shirt and it came off, and he and Baekhyun gasped when they saw Chanyeol’s back.

“You’ve healed!” Baekhyun shouted, “Oh my gosh, your wounds, they’re gone!”

“Really?” Chanyeol asked. “Oh, no wonder I feel better!”

“That’s all you can say?” Baekhyun sputtered.

“Well,” Chanyeol said thoughtfully, “I guess my only question is, what the heck happened to Kai?”

“Oh,” Kris said. “Right. Well, it’s a long story.”

* * *

Xiumin found Kai by the lake, wading in the shallow water. His pants had been rolled up to his knees but they still looked wet, and he seemed to be shivering a little as well. It was only spring, the water must have been cold. Xiumin kept expecting Kai to notice him, but Kai never looked in his direction. He waited until he got to the water’s edge before he called out.

“Hey, Kai.”

Kai startled and turned. “Hyung, sorry, I didn’t notice you. Have you been here long?”

It was too formal. “No, I just got here. I want to talk to you.”

Kai had his hand in his pockets, his posture relaxed, or just plain careless, Xiumin couldn’t tell. It didn’t match his tone. “About what?”

Xiumin shook his head. “I’ll give you three guesses, and the first two don’t count.”

Kai smiled wryly. “Alright, I get it.”

Xiumin stepped up to the water’s edge. “Is it cold?”

“I don’t know. My feet are kind of numb.”

“Then you should come out. Come on, let’s go.”

Kai walked towards the shore and Xiumin could see that he was actually shivering quite a bit. “Where are your shoes?”

“I wasn’t wearing any.”

Xiumin sighed. “Kai, you need to look out for your health.”

Kai didn’t answer.

“Get on my back,” Xiumin said.

“Huh?”

“Get on my back. Hurry up, I’ll carry you.”

“Where?”

“Someplace warm.”

Kai twisted his fingers together. “I don’t wanna go inside.”

Xiumin fought the urge to protest. “Okay, how about we go to the hall that overlooks the lake?”

Kai hesitated, then nodded.

“Okay, now get on my back for heaven’s sake.”

Xiumin hadn’t carried Kai since he was a child, and it was pretty nostalgic, feeling Kai’s arms wrap around his neck and knowing that he wasn’t a kid anymore. At first Kai was stiff, trying to hold himself up, but as Xiumin started to walk Kai slowly relaxed against him, letting his head fall against Xiumin’s neck, nuzzling like he used to when he was half asleep at the end of a long day. Xiumin was hit by a memory he’d long forgotten, Kai running up to him, sobbing and holding out a bleeding finger. He’d been bitten by one of the Sanctuary’s cats. The cut healed quickly but Kai continued to cry.

“Why did she bite me?” He’d asked, rubbing his eyes. “I was just trying to hug her…”

Xiumin had tried to explain that cats didn’t always want to be hugged, just like Kai didn’t always liked to be hugged, but Kai kept insisting that this cat loved him and he would always hug her. He didn’t understand what he had done wrong this time.

When they reached the hall, Xiumin put Kai down and let him climb the stairs on his own. The hall had no windows and the breeze was a little cold, so the two of them huddled together on one of the floor cushions.

Xiumin wrapped his arm around Kai’s shoulders. “How are you holding up?"

Kai shrugged. “I know I’m in shock, and I know that everything I’m thinking and feeling is normal, but it doesn’t make it any easier.”

“What are you thinking?”

Kai hesitated. “I blame myself for hating her. Maybe if things had been different I could have gotten to know her, but things aren’t different and maybe my chances are ruined.”

“I’m sure they’re not,” Xiumin said quickly. “I’m sure you’ll have a chance again, once we defeat Mama.”

“You think we can? You think she’s even still alive?”

“I do,” Xiumin said. “I think they’re all still alive. You said so yourself, didn’t you?”

“Yeah, but what if…she doesn’t want to see me? She was abused, what if seeing me brings it all back?”

Xiumin squeezed Kai’s shoulders. “You’ll be a hero. She’ll see that, she’ll be proud of you, I promise.”

Kai sniffled. “You can’t promise me that.”

To Xiumin’s horror, Kai started to cry.

“Hyung,” He sobbed, “I want to kill them for this. They didn’t even help her, the Guardians…I’m one of them! And they let this happen to my mother!”

Xiumin clutched Kai’s hands in his own. “Kai, their actions have no bearing on who you are, or who we are.”

Kai only seemed to cry harder. “Do you hate me?”

Xiumin stared at Kai, dumbfounded. “How could I hate you?”

“Because I hate the Guardians so much,” Kai wept, “And you…you don’t, you’re so against me.”

Xiumin wanted to yell, but he knew it wouldn’t do any good. “I just don’t want you to hurt them. But that’s not a reason to hate you! I love you so much, Kai, you’re like my baby brother, I could never hate you.”

“Even now?”

“Yes, even now.”

“Why do you care about them?” Kai asked. “They don’t give a damn about you.”

Xiumin shook his head. “The Tree explained it to us, it said Mama has taken over their hearts.”

“But it started with the first Generation. They didn’t trust the Tree, and they turned the other Generations against it. How can you trust them?”

Xiumin opened his mouth, closed it, then sighed heavily. “My brother was the first person I told about my gift. He hit me and told me to keep it to myself. It was just after our mother had died and our father was so distant, I think he was afraid that I would upset him even more. It was horrible, having to keep my gift hidden away. I knew I was special, but I didn’t know who to tell. I found a book in a trunk full of my mother’s things and read it in secret. It was all about the Guardians and their great deeds of the past, and reading those stories made me feel so amazing. I didn’t know I was a Guardian, so I thought I could be like them. I could be a hero and be remembered for all time, the way they were. When I was finally taken to the Sanctuary I felt like my dreams were finally coming true. The Guardians have always been my heroes, and I believe that once this darkness is banished from their hearts, they’ll be those heroes again.”

Xiumin felt his eyes stinging but didn’t allow himself to cry. “I know you have a good reason to hate them but I have a good reason to love them. To me, they’re as much my family as you are.”

Kai was staring at him with an unreadable expression, but Xiumin didn’t think he was as upset as he had been.

“Okay,” Kai said after a moment. “I…that makes sense. I still…I hate them, there’s not a lot that’s going to change my mind, but I can understand where you’re coming from.”

“And I understand where you are coming from,” Xiumin said, reaching out to wipe a few stray tears from Kai’s cheeks. “I don’t hate you. Nothing you do or say will ever change that.”

Kai leaned forward until his forehead hit Xiumin’s chest. His shoulders were shaking with silent sobs. Xiumin wrapped his arms around Kai’s back and held him until he stopped shaking.

“I love you, hyung.”

“I love you too. Do you want to go inside now?”

“Can you carry me?”

“After you walk down the stairs on your own.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original notes:
> 
> Don't forget, Xiumin left to find Kai before Lu Han recited the prophecy, so he and Kai have no idea what's going on.


	69. The God Gene Part XIII

**Two Weeks Later**

Baekhyun stared down at his teacup like it had fangs. Across the table, Kai was wearing a similar expression.

“On the count of three?” Kai suggested.

“No,” Baekhyun grumbled under his breath. “How about on the count of never.”

Kai sighed and flicked his finger against the cup. “It’s really foul stuff, isn’t it?”

Baekhyun pressed the heels of his palms against his eyes. “It’s not working, either.”

“It is,” Kai said, “Just not as fast as you want it to.”

Kai and Yixing had been brewing a special tea for the last two weeks. It was composed of several types of herbs, which would help Baekhyun and Kai with their mental health. The tea they drank in the morning would help their anxiety and panic attacks. At night they drank a different kind of tea, one that helped them go to sleep.

Things had started to improve. Baekhyun’s gift was getting stronger, and he was healing a little faster. He’d smacked his leg against a table the day before, and where there had been a bruise last night there was flawless skin in the morning. But the panic attacks remained, and the nightmares had eased but they hadn’t stopped. Baekhyun was convinced that he would always be haunted by the horrible feeling of being locked up alone.

He jolted to attention when he felt fingers on the back of his hand. “Come back to me,” Kai said softly. “Think about something else.”

Baekhyun took a deep breath and forced himself to think about the look on Chanyeol’s face as he flew across the yard. He’d only managed to get a few feet in the air and he couldn’t go very far, but Kris said he was a strong flyer and he’d only get better. Baekhyun thought about Chanyeol’s laugh, the way he’d flown over and almost knocked him to the ground in a hug.

Baekhyun held Kai’s hand. “I guess…maybe it’s getting a little easier."

Kai smiled gently. “It will only keep getting easier, I promise.”

Together they leaned back and wrapped their hands around their teacups. “While it’s still warm,” Kai said.

Baekhyun steeled himself while Kai counted.

“Three, two, one…”

Baekhyun managed to swallow the tea in only two sips and then he dove for the glass of water next to his hand. Even so, the bitter taste of the tea lingered in his mouth, pulling the corners of his mouth down.

“Eurgh,” he said eloquently.

Kai nodded, making a similar face. “I wish we could make those little pills that these people used to have,” he said. “This method sucks.”

Baekhyun stood up and retrieved two apples from the refrigerator, tossing one to Kai. After he’d taken a few bites, the taste of the tea was gone. Still the knowledge that he would have to drink it again in 24 hours made his stomach churn.

* * *

“Alright, now just glide. Do you hear me, Chanyeol? No flapping, just gliding.”

Chanyeol nodded impatiently, his feathers rustling in the wind and making him itch to get off the ground. “I got it, I got it, no flapping! Can I go now?”

Kris sighed. “Yeah, whenever you’re ready.”

Chanyeol grinned widely and ran back a few paces. He rocked back and forth on his toes a few times, trying to get a good feel for the wind, and when he was ready he bent over, wings stretched out straight on either side, poised to catch the air, and he ran forward. When he felt his wings catch the air current, he lifted his feet straight out behind him, toes pushing off against the ground, and prayed he wouldn’t fall.

In an instant, Chanyeol was gliding. His heart was racing and it felt like he’d left his stomach on the ground, and even though he was only about 2 meters above the ground he felt like there was no better feeling in the world than the wind rushing past his face and through his feathers.

His feathers…

Chanyeol turned his head just slightly and was left breathless at the sight of his wings in the sun. They were absolutely brilliant, the light making them change from deepest blood red to orange and gold, they looked like they were made of fire and Chanyeol found himself hypnotized at the sight of them—

Chanyeol felt himself lose the current and he desperately flapped his wings, trying to find it again, but it was no use and he went tumbling to the ground. He threw his feet under him and stumbled until he felt his ankle twist, at which point his hands flew out and he managed to catch himself on all fours, saving himself from face planting in the dirt. Even so, he knew he’d twisted his ankle for the fourth time that week.

He flopped onto his side and sighed, waiting for Kris and Yixing to come over and scold him. He was not disappointed.

Kris arrived first and started fussing. “Are okay? What did you hurt?”

“It’s just my ankle.”

Kris threw his hands up in exasperation. “I told you not to flap and what did you do?”

“Flapped,” Chanyeol said under his breath.

“You flapped! I have half a mind not to allow Yixing to heal you this time! Maybe a little suffering will teach you a lesson!”

“I was falling! It was instinctual!”

Kris shook his head. “You only made it worse by flapping, that’s not instinct. You were doing great until then, what happened?”

Chanyeol muttered something.

“What was that?”

“My ankle hurts!”

Kris rolled his eyes. “Tell me what went wrong, then I’ll let Yixing heal you.”

Chanyeol huffed. “I started staring at my wings and I got distracted, okay? Are you happy now?”

There was a second of silence and then Kris snorted, but he quickly covered it with a cough.

“Don’t laugh at me!” Chanyeol cried, allowing some pain to creep into his voice.

“Sorry,” Kris said quickly, “Yixing, go ahead and fix him.”

Kris held his hand while Yixing fixed his ankle, and Chanyeol was grateful but he was still miffed at Kris for laughing.

When Yixing was done he said he was going inside for a snack, since healing Chanyeol had put a dent in his energy. After he left Chanyeol tried to stand up, but Kris pushed him back down. Chanyeol landed on his but with a yelp.

“What was that for?!”

“I wasn’t laughing at you,” Kris said, “I know it seemed like I was, but I wasn’t. And I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you.”

“But you did laugh,” Chanyeol accused.

Kris nodded. “I did. But it was because I did the same thing when I was staring to fly.”

Chanyeol looked at him in shock. “You did? Really? You’re not just saying that to make me feel better?”

“I wouldn’t lie about that, it’s understandable I guess. I mean, it’s only been two weeks, you’re still not used to having wings, let alone using them. And they are really beautiful…” He brushed his fingers through Chanyeol’s feathers and Chanyeol squeaked, closing his eyes and leaning into Kris hand.

“Now I know why you like this so much,” Chanyeol sighed. “This is awesome…”

“It is, isn’t it?” Then he pulled his hand away. “I can forgive you getting distracted, but really there’s no excuse for flapping, not after two weeks of practice. You keep this up and one day you’re going to break a wing. Your still too heavy and your wings are too small for you to be flapping them around.”

Chanyeol hunched his shoulders and stared at the ground. “I know, I know.”

“Breaking a wing hurts, I’ve been there, I don’t want to see it happen to you.”

“It’s so hard to keep that kind of focus though!” Chanyeol cried, “You make it look so easy!”

Kris grinned and shook his head. “No, I make it look practiced. It’s not that it’s easy, I do have to focus to do it, but it’s like…it’s second nature to me. You know how when you walk, you don’t have to think about putting one foot in front of the other, or even really when to stop? Flying is like that for me. I’ve been doing it for so long that my body adjusts to the wind and the air currents without me really having to think about it too carefully.”

“You’ve been flying for hundreds of years. You’ll always be better than me.”

“I’d like to think I’ve been pretty consistent after the first twenty years,” Kris said. “And when I was starting out, I was learning from people who only knew flight from birds. You’re being taught by someone who had firsthand experience. If anything you have an advantage over me.”

That made Chanyeol pause. “Huh, I didn’t think about it that way.”

“Compared to where I was at two weeks after my wings popped out, you’re already way ahead of me,” Kris went on, “I know you’ll be brilliant at this, Chanyeol.”

Chanyeol preened under the praise, then yelped when Kris knocked his fist against Chanyeol’s head.

“You just need to remember to STOP FLAPPING YOUR WINGS!”

* * *

Kai was walking along the edge of the lake, lost in his thoughts. He was thinking about the conversation he’d had with Baekhyun that morning, and about Baekhyun’s mental health. The treatment available to them at this time was rudimentary, but there wasn’t much else to be done. At this point, talking wasn’t going to be much of a help. Baekhyun’s problems seemed to be stemming from past trauma, things he had already talked about. Now it was a matter of getting the hormones in his body back in balance, which was what the teas were helping with. Baekhyun was progressing, but Kai had a feeling that he needed something more. What would really help would be a way to get Baekhyun out of his own head, take his focus off the bad memories. Something that would really distract him. Kai had an idea, but he wasn’t sure how to go about it. it didn’t help that he was being followed.

Kai stopped abruptly and turned around, frowning at Lu Han. “You are completely unsubtle, I hope you know that.”

Lu Han shrugged. “I wasn’t going for subtle.”

“Then why didn’t you announce yourself, or something? You’ve been following me for ten minutes!”

Lu Han fiddled with the bracelet on his wrist. “I was thinking about what to say.”

“Well just say it, then.”

“Fine. I’m worried about Sehun.”

“You’re always worried about Sehun.”

Lu Han frowned. “Can you blame me, after what he went through because of me?”

Kai struggled to keep a blank face. “I try not to think about that. It was painful for me, too.”

“I can only imagine, I don’t remember everything, I remember some things but I’m sure it’s nowhere near—”

“Is there a point to this?” Kai interrupted.

“I told you, I’m worried about him,” Lu Han repeated. “Ever since I recited the prophecy, he’s been a mess.”

“What do you want me to do? It’s in the past, Lu Han, and it was an accident. Sehun needs to realize that he can’t keep panicking every time you drift into a daze.”

“it wasn’t an accident,” Lu Han said. “It was sabotage, and it was a direct choice that I made to keep Sehun in the dark. What I did was wrong, and I want to fix it.”

Kai gave Lu Han a stern look. “Tell me that you if had another chance, you wouldn’t have made exactly the same choice.”

“I would have moved the asteroids. But I would have told Sehun what I was doing. I would have said goodbye to him and told him I loved him one last time.”

Kai snarled, “And then you would have had to listen to him scream and plead with you to stop. The last thing you would have heard would be Sehun crying.”

When Lu Han looked at the ground and didn’t answer, Kai sighed. “Look, you can’t keep punishing yourself for a choice you made over a hundred years ago. You’re here now, so stop living in the past. Everything worked out, and you can’t go back anyway.”

Lu Han looked up. “No. But you can.”

* * *

Sehun cried all night after Lu Han recited the prophecy. They’d gotten away as soon as the others had been filled in, and the moment they got to their room Sehun had burst into tears. Lu Han held him all night, trying to assure him that he was okay, he wasn’t leaving any time soon. Lu Han wished his gift was at full capacity, he felt like the handicap kept Sehun from truly believing that he was back for good. Sometimes Lu Han had those doubts himself.

He wondered if this was to make up for the fact that he’d grown up with a family who loved him, while everyone of his brothers suffered through some kind of abandonment. Why else would he have been the one who had to bear the burden of sacrificing eight years of his life to being Lost? Eight years in which Kai and Sehun both suffered, the memory of which they carried with them to this day. It was part of the reason that both of them wanted revenge against the Guardians. Lu Han wondered so often, if things had been different, if he’d done something different, what could have changed?

Kai stared at him in shock. “You can’t be suggesting that I take you back in time. So you can do what, exactly? Warn your past self of the danger? Appear in the woods at the moment we knew you were Lost, and explain things to Sehun? That’s a selfish use of mine and Tao’s gift.”

“Don’t you see, though?” Lu Han asked, “It goes so far beyond that. We can go back even further. We can go back thousands of years. We can change _everything_.”

Kai caught on to Lu Han’s meaning and his jaw dropped. “That-that’s a bad idea. There’s so much that could go wrong, there’s so many people it could affect!”

Lu Han nodded. “I know. But I think it deserves further examination.”

Kai looked like he wanted to protest but Lu Han could see that an idea had taken root in his head. After a moment Kai sighed in defeat.

“Alright. Let’s call a meeting.”

* * *

The twelve of them sat in their library. Cushions were scattered across the floor in a lopsided circle. Everyone stared at Lu Han, waiting for him to speak.

“I’ve had a thought,” Lu Han began. “I started thinking about it a few weeks ago, after Kai and Tao began time traveling. I brought this up to Kai this afternoon, and I think it deserves to be discussed. Kai and Tao have given us a real opportunity to make a difference. If we can go back far enough in time, maybe we can change the outcome of the first fight against Mama. Maybe we can keep it from coming back, and stop it properly the first time.”

There was dead silence as everyone let that thought wash over him.

Suho spoke first. “You mean, go back and help the first Generation?”

Lu Han nodded.

“I’m not even sure if it’s possible,” Kai said quickly. “That’s a lot of time to go back through. We’re talking thousands of years.”

“The question,” Lu Han said loudly, “Is if we could do it, would we?”

“I would say no,” Xiumin said.

Chen looked at him in shock. “Why dismiss it so quickly?”

“Because we don’t know how much would change! Who knows—if it happened, if we succeeded, which is a very big ‘If’ I might add, how much of the future would we change? We don’t know!”

“But we have a chance to keep Mama out of our planet’s history,” Baekhyun said, “We can take the suffering away from our ancestors as well as ourselves.”

“We might change ourselves in the process, though,” Kyungsoo said quietly. He looked at everyone in turn. “If we succeeded…maybe we would change our own futures. Maybe we wouldn’t be Guardians. Maybe we would never know each other.”

There was silence again.

Lu Han spoke up after a few moments, “It’s a lot to think about. But we have to decide if that’s a risk we’re willing to take.”

Sehun was sitting next to him, and Lu Han grabbed his hand. Sehun looked stunned, and a little teary. He leaned closer and whispered in Lu Han’s ear. “Is this because of me?”

“You were a factor,” Lu Han whispered back. “But so was I. I’m tired of being the weakest link, Sehun. Mama did this to me, and if there’s a way for me to take my life back, then I will.”

Kai cleared his throat. “Should we take a moment to think about it?”

“No,” Kris said.

Everyone stared at him in surprise.

“No?” Lu Han echoed.

“No,” Kris repeated. “We go with our first instinct. If we could go back in time would we change anything? I’ll start—I would not.”

“I think you’re being too hasty,” Lu Han said. “Think about all that we could have been if we’d been taught properly, by people who weren’t jealous of us.”

Kris shook his head. “I am happy with who I am, and I’m happy with Suho and Tao, and I’m happy with who my friends are. I don’t want to risk changing my life.”

“I would say no as well,” Tao said.

“My opinion hasn’t changed,” Xiumin said. “I’d still say no.”

“I wouldn’t know what to say,” Yixing said suddenly. “If I could guarantee that we would still be Guardians, then I would say yes. but if it would change all of us meeting, I would say no.”

“I say the risk is too great,” Suho said. “We don’t know if Kai and Tao can go back that far.”

“But what if that day arises?” Kai asked suddenly. “If it could happen, which let’s be honest, nothing is out of the realm of possibility now, would we change the outcome of the first Generation’s fight?”

“Could we even do that?” Chanyeol asked. “What if we were overwhelmed?”

“What if the first Generation refused to work with us?” Baekhyun asked.

“Wait, wait,” Sehun said suddenly. “Guys, you’re missing the point.”

Everyone turned their eyes to Sehun.

“What is the point, then?” Kai asked, almost as a challenge.

“The point is to keep all of us from being hurt,” Sehun said. “Isn’t that right, Lu Han?”

Lu Han hesitated, then nodded slowly. “Yes. My reasons are purely selfish. To be honest I don’t give a damn about helping the rest of our world. Wow,” he laughed, “That felt great to say. Yes, I’m tired of being the sacrificial lamb—of all of us being the ones who had to give up everything. I want a chance to grow up with an actual family, one with caring adults instead of children raising children. I want the world we promised we’d give our future Guardians, I want it for myself and for everyone else here.” He looked around the circle, a challenge in his eyes. “Tell me that if you had a choice, you wouldn’t want the same thing.”

“Of course we would,” Sehun said. “We all want that, but…I think we’ve been going about this the wrong way.”

Suho looked at Sehun thoughtfully. “What do you mean?”

Sehun hesitated, like he was picking his next words carefully. “I think we’ve forgotten what it means to be happy. I think we’ve forgotten that good times don’t last but the same can be said for the bad times. I think we need to make ourselves happy again, and I don’t think going back in time is the answer. I think we’ve been letting our suffering define us for too long.”

“Wow,” Chanyeol said after a moment, “That’s really…wow.”

“Sehun’s right,” Kris said. “We need to do things that make us happy.”

“Like what?” Baekhyun asked.

“We could travel again,” Suho suggested. “We’ve been here for several years, but there are more places we haven’t explored yet. We did find that really big vehicle, the one that runs on electricity. I know it wouldn’t be big enough for sleeping but we could drive it around instead of walking.”

“We can talk more about that later,” Kyungsoo said. “We should go back to what Lu Han said. If we ever got the chance to go back in time and change the way things happened, would we? Kris, Tao and Xiumin already answered. What about everyone else?”

Everyone looked at each other, not wanting to be the first to speak.

“I would say no,” Chen said quietly.

Kai looked shocked. “You wouldn’t?”

Chen shook his head. “Everything that happened in my life lead me to all of you. I may have suffered but I’m…getting better. I want to see where this road takes us, because I think everything will work out in the end.”

“I agree with Chen,” Baekhyun said.

“Me too,” said Suho.

And one by one, they all agreed—even Kai, until only Sehun and Lu Han hadn’t spoken.

“I wouldn’t change the way things happened,” Sehun said, looking at Lu Han. “I know it may be a surprise to hear that, but it’s true. I know I don’t always act like it, and I know you’re worried about me. There’s a part of me that will always be afraid to lose you, but for the most part I’m really looking forward to the future with you.”

“Who says I have a future?” Lu Han asked. “I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to train a Guardian. I don’t know if I’ll wake up tomorrow.”

“But you don’t know that you won’t,” Sehun said, taking hold of Lu Han’s hands. “You’ve been alright so far. You’re here and alive, and you don’t need a powerful gift to train a Guardian. You have years and years of experience, any Guardian you train would be just as powerful as one that I trained. And we’ll be here to help you the whole time, if you want us to.”

Lu Han was quiet for a few minutes, then he sighed. “You’re right. I suppose it’s too great a risk to go back in time like that.”

Sehun grinned and hugged Lu Han tightly. “It’s going to get better,” he promised.

* * *

That evening Baekhyun met Kai in the kitchen, dreading the evening tea, but he was surprised when he found Kai and Chanyeol waiting for him.

“What are you two doing?” He asked, suspicious of the smiles on their faces.

“We have something for you,” Chanyeol said, practically hopping in place he was so excited. “It was Kai’s idea, and I think it’s brilliant.”

“You flatter me,” Kai said. “But it is brilliant. Baekhyun, close your eyes.”

Baekhyun sighed but did as he was told. He felt Chanyeol’s hands on his shoulders, pushing him forward just a little bit.

“Kneel down,” Chanyeol said.

“Why?” Baekhyun asked.

“Just do it, I promise we’re not planning anything weird.”

Baekhyun knelt slowly.

“Okay, open your eyes!”

Baekhyun did so, and promptly got licked in the face by an overly excited puppy.

Baekhyun sputtered and threw his hands out, trying to keep the puppy away from his face. “Oh my gosh!” He cried, taking In the wriggly little thing. “What is this—what—what happened to its leg?!”

The puppy only had three legs.

“She was born like that,” Kai explained. “One of the dogs had a litter of four, she was the only one born with a missing leg. Apparently it happens. I kept it a secret, because I thought she would die, but I was wrong. You would never know it was missing though. she runs and plays just like any other dog. Still, she needs some extra care. I thought, given everything that’s happened, it might be good for you to have—”

“She’s so cute!” Baekhyun sobbed, picking the puppy up in his arms and hugging her. She squirmed around, trying to lick his face. Baekhyun cried into her neck. “By the Tree, how can such a cute little thing exist? Ah, what to do, she’s just too sweet!”

Chanyeol laughed and rubbed Baekhyun’s back. “Are you actually crying?”

“No,” Baekhyun said as he continued to cry. “Oh what an adorable little baby, of course I’ll take care of her!”

Kai was laughing and Baekhyun looked at him indignantly.

“Well what am I supposed to do? You just dropped an angel into my lap! What kind of dog is she?”

“She’s an Australian shepherd,” Kai said. “She’s really furry as you can see, so she needs to be brushed a lot during the summer, and—”

“Tell me later,” Baekhyun said, “I’m too overwhelmed with cute to focus on you. This little baby!” He cooed at the dog, “I’m going to call her Angel.”

“That’s a perfect name,” Chanyeol said. “Now watch her turn out to be a little devil.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the end of the final God Gene arc.


	70. Go Where Ever You Go (Part I)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Continuity notes: I’ve decided that "Made of Stardust" (chapter 54) takes place around this time, so you may want to reread that before you read this.

Chanyeol really couldn’t believe that they had taken the cats along as well. The dogs he could understand, but did the cats really have to come?

“They’re not mousers,” Tao said, “They’re too used to being fed, they’ll never make it on their own. They might catch one or two mice or a dumb bird but it won’t be enough.”

“But it’s not just the cats,” Chanyeol sputtered. “It’s the litter boxes and the fur and the attacking of feet at two in the morning!”

Tao glared at him. “You want me to leave my pet here to starve because you’re afraid it might cause you some discomfort?”

That was the last time Chanyeol tried to say something on the issue. Kris and Yixing also ended up bringing their own cats along, in addition to the three dogs that they had. That plus twelve humans did not make for very comfortable rides in their new car—an RV, or recreational vehicle. It had four beds—two bunk beds on either side of a small hallway, and there was a toilet and a shower, and a small sitting area with a table and bench-style seats, a sofa, and a lounge chair. In comparison to other cars it was huge, but with twelve grown Guardians there was never truly enough space. And the cats got everywhere.

It wasn’t that Chanyeol didn’t like the cats, it was just that he much preferred dogs. Cats seemed to have a thing for his wings, or rather his feathers. During the second week of their road trip, Chanyeol had fallen asleep on the sofa when his wing was attacked by one of the cats. It was so unexpected that he started crying. He thought he kind of freaked everyone out with that. he tried to tell them that he was just so _tired_ , he hadn’t been sleeping well and all he wanted to do was have a nap. Suho was the only one who could understand him through the tears, who ended up leading him to one of the beds and tucking him in. Chanyeol slept for ten hours after that, and an hour after he woke p he was tired again.

Chanyeol could see it in all of them now. They were all so tired, if not physically then mentally. The years of solitude were taking their toll, they had all been left alone with their thoughts for too long. Something needed to happen, and soon.

* * *

_“You know, we never did go back to that hospital and try to find out what happened to us.”_

_“Isn’t it a little too late for that?”_

_“I don’t think so. We should go that way anyway, we never went beyond the other side of the forest.”_

Tao gripped Kris’ hand so tightly that he even hurt himself. “I don’t think this was one of my better ideas,” he said quietly.

Kris stared at the hospital—no, research center. Hospitals were for healing, this place wasn’t for healing. “It’s not too late to turn around.”

“You’ll regret it if you don’t go,” Kyungsoo said. He was the only other person who had joined them, at Tao’s insistence. He said that Kyungsoo needed this, to be involved in something that would take his mind off his own problems.

“Kyungsoo’s right,” Tao said, squaring his shoulders. “Let’s at least see if there’s anything left.” He held out his free hand, and Kyungsoo took it. The three of them walked into the hospital side by side.

It was very much like what Kris remembered, but more decayed. Weeds had crept inside and grew all over the floor, the windows were cracked, and it looked like several animals had once made homes among the overgrowth. The three of them walked down the hall in absolute silence, and when Kyungsoo spoke, Kris and Tao jumped even though he was whispering.

“This is really creepy.”

Tao shuddered. “Yeah, it is,” he said, squeezing Kris and Kyungsoo’s hands tighter. He nodded at the doors at the end of the hall. “Look at that, it’s still locked.”

All three of them took a step back.

“What are we afraid of?” Kris asked loudly. “We’re the only people here, right? It’s not like something’s going to jump out at us!”

Tao squeaked in fear and covered it up with a cough.

“We’re fine,” Kris insisted. “Look, watch me,” and he shook Tao off, marched over to the door, and grabbed the heavy chain and lock that held the doors shut. The heavy metal crumbled apart in his hands. Tao’s jaw dropped and even Kyungsoo looked shocked.

“Jeez, overkill much?” Kyungsoo asked.

But Kris looked at them both wide-eyed. “It wasn’t me…it just fell apart.”

“Oh,” Kyungsoo said. “Well, um…it has been there awhile.”

“Right,” Kris said uneasily. He pushed at the door, and it fell flat to the floor.

Tao screamed as the heavy door fell to the ground. “Oh god, by the Tree, this is too creepy, what are we doing, why did I think this was a good idea?”

Kyungsoo put his arm around Tao’s shoulders. “Hey, this is about letting go, remember? Come on, we’ll just go in for a few minutes and try to find something.”

Kris lead the way into the room, and when Tao refused to budge, Kyungsoo went in after Kris alone. There was one large window in the room, letting in enough light to see that the room had once held papers and various computers, but by now almost everything had decomposed. When Kyungsoo touched a piece of paper, it fell apart in his hands.

“Here’s something,” Kris said. He was standing in front of a metal cabinet, pulling on a drawer. “It’s locked, not rusted. It must have been locked for a reason.” He started looking for a key, but Kyungsoo pulled a small piece of wire from his pocket and picked the lock himself.

“How did you learn to do that?” Kris asked.

Kyungsoo shrugged. “When I didn’t have my gift, I had a lot of time on my hands.”

Tao peeked into the room. “Have you found something?”

Kris opened the drawer and pulled out a bunch of papers. “Hey, they’re in pretty good shape,” he said, and then his expression turned dark. “Oh my god…”

“What?” Kyungsoo asked.

Kris’ hands were shaking. “They’re diagrams…of our bodies.”

“What?” Tao yelped, running over, “How can you tell?”

Kris showed the papers to Kyungsoo and Tao. “See? It’s got our marks on it.” And indeed, Tao and Kris’ marks were drawn on the bodies. Kris flipped through the papers, agitated. One tore apart when he was too rough with it.

“They wrote a lot about my wings,” he said, his voice shaking with rage. “They did all kind of tests on us.” He pulled out one page. “Fuck, this one’s got names of drugs on it…they tested our resistance to drugs…they tried to kill us!”

Tao staggered backwards. “Why? Why would they do that? We…we didn’t hurt them!”

Kris looked furious. “They didn’t care if we were hurting them or not, they used us like lab rats. This place disgusts me, it…Tao, are you okay?”

Tao was shaking, his arms wrapped his chest. There were tears in his eyes. “I remember, they stuck me with something, and it hurt, and I couldn’t move…I wanted to die.”

Kris’ face changed. He dropped the papers and rushed over to him, gathering Tao into his arms. “Shh, it’s okay baby,” he soothed, petting Tao’s hair. “It’s over now, it’s over…”

Tao held him tightly, probably too tight, and he tried to calm down but he just couldn’t. Kris ended up carrying him out of the building shortly after that. once they were outside Tao felt a little better, not like he was slowly suffocating.

“This wasn’t a good idea,” he said again, his voice shaking. “I’m sorry.”

Kris had an odd look on his face. “No, it was a good idea. We needed this. We’re going to do something, I just…haven’t figured out what.”

“Burn the place down.”

The two of them jumped and looked over at Kyungsoo—they hadn’t seen him leave the building.

“Burn it?” Tao echoed.

Kyungsoo nodded. “All the information they had on you, the equipment they used on you, just burn it all. Erase it. Make it like it never happened, and then you’ll be able to move on.”

They both considered it for a moment, then Tao spoke up. “We should have Suho nearby, just in case something goes wrong.”

“So we’re doing it then?” Kris asked. “We’re burning it down?”

“I want to,” Tao said. “I hate this place. I want it gone.”

“Okay,” Kris said. “Then let’s burn it to the ground.”

* * *

Baekhyun held Angel on his lap as the fire raged on. Kris, Tao, and Suho stood closer to the building than the others. Tao and Kris because they wanted to, Suho because he had to be there in case the fire got out of hand. Everyone else was hot enough and wanted nothing to do with the fire.

“Can somebody tell me why we decided to go for a drive through the dessert in the summer?” Baekhyun asked.

“Can you tell me why you keep talking?” Kyungsoo snapped, snatching the earbud from Baekhyun’s ear. “If you’re not going to listen to it, then tell me for heaven’s sake and I’ll . You’re the one who asked me to listen with you.”

“I know,” Baekhyun sighed, leaning his head on Kyungsoo’s shoulder. “I’m sorry.”

Kyungsoo sighed and slumped against Baekhyun, resting his cheek on Baekhyun’s head. “You’re no fun to argue with anymore. We used to argue a lot, didn’t we?”

“When we were kids and didn’t know better,” Baekhyun said. “We’re more mature now.”

They lapsed into silence once more, still leaning on each other.

“It’s too hot for this,” Kyungsoo said, trying to sit up, but Baekhyun pulled him back down.

“We never cuddle anymore,” he whined. “I don’t think I’ve been this physically close to you since we went to the beach.”

Kyungsoo frowned. The beach…he had been thinking about that a lot lately, and honestly Baekhyun’s recent behavior was reminding him of that time for a different reason.

“Baekhyun?”

“Hmm?”

“You’ve been hanging off of me a lot lately. Care to tell me why?”

Baekhyun cleared his throat and held Angel to his chest, as though the puppy was a shield. “You’re my friend, am I not allowed to hang off of you?”

Kyungsoo frowned. “Not when you’re hiding your motives. You’re acting the way I did towards you when you were having a hard time learning how to swim, but I was upfront about that.”

Baekhyun sighed heavily. “Look, I’m just worried about you, okay? You…you scared me on the bridge. We were all really scared for you.”

“I was scared too,” Kyungsoo said, “I felt like the ground had dropped out from under my feet. It’s not like I meant to scream that loud.”

“No,” Baekhyun said harshly, “God, it wasn’t even the screaming it was…it was watching you pass out, and wake up only to get sick, start shaking violently and then pass out _again_ —” He was gasping, tears in his eyes. “My god, it was like a month ago and I just can’t forget it. I’m so worried about you, because seeing you suffer like that was terrifying and…and I couldn’t even do anything. I couldn’t move or think, I just let Kris and Suho handle it.” He was squeezing Kyungsoo’s hand so tightly that Kyungsoo couldn’t feel his fingers. “I wish I had done something, I’m so sorry that I didn’t.”

“Don’t apologize,” Kyungsoo said hastily, “I don’t…I’m not mad at you or anything. you didn’t do anything wrong, if you had tried to help, I mean it would have gotten very crowded.”

“I was standing closer to you, on the bridge,” Baekhyun said, “When you started screaming I should have grabbed you, but instead Kris did it. He saved the day,” Baekhyun laughed bitterly. “Again. He saved the day _again_. What does that say about me? What does that _make_ me?”

“Human, maybe?” Kyungsoo suggested. “Kris is too, he’s just…”

“Just what?” Baekhyun asked. “Better at it? more equipped to handle these things? What are we going to do when we have actual little Guardians running around, getting hurt and crying? Are Kris and Suho going to raise them all alone?”

Kyungsoo always felt a little dizzy whenever somebody mentioned the future Guardians, and he knew why but he tried not to think about it too often. “We’ll be okay,” he said faintly. “We will, we just need time…” he held a hand to his forehead and groaned. “Oh, I’m really lightheaded all of a sudden…”

Baekhyun shoved Angel off of him and started fussing over Kyungsoo. “Are you sick?! Do I need to call Yixing? That was really sudden, is it the smoke?”

“No, no,” Kyungsoo said, batting at Baekhyun’s hands. “I feel weird when I think about the future Guardians but it’s been getting worse lately.”

“Why? Do you have any ideas?”

“Well…remember how I…” Kyungsoo looked around, but aside from Suho, Kris and Tao, everyone was in the giant RV having a nap, so nobody was around to overheard him. “Remember the vision I had, of the mysterious twelfth guardian? I think about it a lot, more than I probably should, and when I think about it for too long or try to see more…I get really bad headaches. It’s been on my mind a lot lately and I guess it’s why I’m not feeling so well.”

Baekhyun stared at him. “This guardian must be pretty special. He or she hasn’t even been born yet.”

“I know,” Kyungsoo sighed. “But I really, I just know that whoever it is will be amazing. I just can’t stop thinking about them.”

Baekhyun continued to stare at him, and Kyungsoo waited for him to say something but he never did.

After a while Suho extinguished the burning building and the three of them walked back to the vehicle, their arms around each other.

“Do you feel better?” Kyungsoo asked when they got close enough to hear.

“Surprisingly, yes,” Tao answered. “It was really satisfying, watching it burn.”

Kris nodded. “Yeah, it feels…freeing, somehow.”

Kyungsoo grinned at them. “Sometimes the best way to take your anger out on something is to destroy it. when I get really upset, I build up statues and then dismantle them with my bare hands. It’s so satisfying.”

Suho looked concerned. “It is as long as you don’t do it too often.”

“I don’t,” Kyungsoo promised.

Yixing poked his head out of the RV and waved at them. “Ready to get moving again?” He asked.

Kris and Suho looked at each other, then shook their heads.

“It’s late in the day,” Suho said, “It’s probably better to just set up a campsite and get some rest.”

“Can we set up came away from here though?” Baekhyun asked. “The smoke is still pretty bad.”

Suho waved him and Kyungsoo into the RV. “We can if you all get your butts back inside, now let’s go. This place gives me the creeps.”

They drove for about an hour before they finally decided to stop and set up camp. Not everyone could sleep comfortably in the RV, so they had a few tents and sleeping bags for those who would sleep outside, weather permitting. If it rained, then they all just had to deal with sleeping uncomfortably. The RV's four beds usually went to whoever was going to do the driving the next day. Only Kris, Chen, Xiumin, Kai, and Suho were considered good enough drivers to be trusted with the large vehicle, and they rotated who drove first every day. Usually they were all fighting over who would get which bed, but for some reason they were all silent on the issue.

Chanyeol was the one who brought it up. “So, who’s sleeping inside tonight?” He asked hesitantly.

The five of them glanced at each other and shrugged. “I don’t care,” Kris said, and the others murmured similar statements.

“Let’s just all sleep outside,” Suho suggested.

“No,” Lu Han blurted.

Everyone turned to stare at him.

“Let’s sleep inside, all of us,” Lu Han said, “I don’t care about being uncomfortable, this place is creeping me out. I can’t explain it but I…I feel so on edge. I don’t know what it is! I keep thinking that I’m afraid, but I’m not.”

“I feel the same way,” Kyungsoo said. “I’ve felt it for…a while now. Like Lu Han said, I’m not scared, but at the same time I really don’t want to sleep outside. Doesn’t anyone else feel it?”

“Not really,” Chanyeol said, “I mean, I feel kind of excited but I think I always feel that way when we’re exploring.”

“You can sleep outside then,” Lu Han muttered, “But I’m going to sleep inside even if it means I have to lay on the table.”

In the end, they all ended up sleeping inside, twelve Guardians, three dogs, and three cats. It was uncomfortable, but now that they had acknowledged the feeling it was like they could think of nothing else. It wasn’t a bad feeling, but they were all so focused on it that it made them nervous, and nobody knew what to do about it. So they kept their mouths shut and pretended that nothing was wrong.

Nobody slept well that night, but eventually they all did fall asleep. They were awoken at an ungodly hour of the morning when suddenly they all found themselves hitting the ground hard.

Chanyeol sat up and screamed, “WHAT THE ACTUAL LIVING TREE JUST HAPPENED?!”

Suho looked around wide-eyed and yelled, “We’re moving!!!”

Just as he said it, the RV ground to a halt and they were all thrown forward. Several people knocked heads, a few more got whiplash and poor Yixing hit the ground and bit his lip by accident. 11 boys picked themselves up, rubbing at their injuries and muttering to themselves, but Kyungsoo remained on the floor. Baekhyun was the first to notice.

“Hey, Kyungsoo, are you okay?”

Kyungsoo gulped. “I…um…I think it was me.”

“What was you?” Baekhyun asked.

Kyungsoo looked like he was about to start crying. “I made the RV move. Not on purpose though, I…I was definitely sleeping.”

“That’s just fantastic,” Sehun growled. “Ugh, way to go this is just what we needed! Where the heck are we now?”

“I’m sorry,” Kyungsoo said meekly. “I didn’t mean to!”

Sehun glared for a second, then slumped over. “I know you didn’t, I’m sorry, hyung.” He rubbed a hand over his face. “God, what’s wrong with me?”

“It’s not just you,” Chanyeol said. “It’s all of us. We’re cracking.”

“Don’t say that!” Suho snapped. “We’re all just tired, okay? We’re going to be fine. We’ve had some setbacks but it’s nothing we haven’t been able to face before now.”

“Why did I move us?” Kyungsoo asked, seemingly not hearing Suho at all. “I don’t understand…how could my gift just take over like that?”

Lu Han had his face pressed against the RV’s windows. “Guys,” he said quietly, “I might be wrong but…but I think there’s something out there.”

A collective shiver went down everyone’s spine.

“What kind of something?” Tao squeaked.

“I don’t know,” Lu Han said. “I don’t think it’s malicious, whatever it is. But something is out there.”

Kyungsoo suddenly leapt to his feet. “I can feel them!” he shouted. “We have to get over there!”

“Feel what, though?” Suho cried, “What are we running into?”

Kyungsoo wasn’t listening, he dashed out of the RV and took off running. Baekhyun went after him, and Chanyeol followed, and soon they were all running, Kyungsoo in the lead. They didn’t yell out to each other, though all of their minds were racing. Their hearts were racing too, both from the running and from sheer excitement. They were all thinking the same thing— _is this it_?

Suddenly Kyungsoo stopped and everyone else skidded to a halt behind him. He was shaking, his eyes fixed on a point just ahead.

He raised his hand and pointed. “Do you see what I’m seeing?”

There, still a good distance away but just visible, sat a small child.

“In the name of the Tree,” Minseok breathed, “Are we hallucinating?”

“We’re all seeing a little kid, right?” Jongin asked, and they all nodded. “Then we’re not hallucinating. We can’t be.”

“What do we do?” Tao asked.

Kris answered, “Well, let’s go talk to her.”

He started walking, but nobody else moved. Kris looked back at them. “Come on, let’s go.”

“How do you know she’s a girl?” Suho asked.

Kris looked confused. “Did I say that?”

“You did,” Jongdae said, “How do you know?”

“Guys,” Lu Han interrupted, “She’s seen us. She’s coming closer.”

They all turned around. The little girl was walking towards them at a steady pace. She would soon be within earshot, and as they realized that they all fell silent again. Kris began to walk once more, though he seemed unsure as to whether he should approach the girl or let her come to them. He stopped after just a few steps.

It didn’t take long for the child to catch up to them, and as she got closer they could tell that she was indeed a girl. She ran the last few feet, her hands outstretched, and let her momentum carry her right into Kris’ wings. She tugged on the feathers experimentally and jumped when Kris fluttered his wings.

“They’re real,” he said, his voice shaking.

The little girl kept one hand fisted in his feathers and pointed to Chanyeol with her free one. “What about his?” She asked, speaking in a dialect similar to the Southern one of their home planet.

It was a shock to hear another person’s voice, one that wasn’t a recording. Suho was brought to tears, though he tried to hide it.

“Mine are real, too,” Chanyeol said.

The little girl began to walk, pulling Kris along with her, until she got her other hand onto Chanyeol’s wings as well.

“Pretty,” she cooed, petting Chanyeol’s wings. “Why are yours so much smaller?”

“They’re newer,” Chanyeol explained. He sounded like he was about to faint. “Kris has had his longer then I have.”

The little girl looked over her shoulder. “Kris?”

Kris nodded and knelt down—carefully, since this child still had a tight hold on his wing. “That’s my name. That’s Chanyeol, with the orange and red wings.” He went around, pointing everyone out and telling the little girl their names. “What about you, what’s your name?”

She smiled. “I’m Amber. I’m five years old.”

“Amber,” Kris repeated. “Wow, that’s a pretty name.”

Amber continued to tug at Chanyeol and Kris’ wings. “How come you have these? Are you birds?”

“No, we’re not birds,” Kris said, taking Amber’s hand and gently untangling her fingers from his feathers. He winced as one came loose. “We’re Guardians, we all have special gifts.”

Amber stared at him with her mouth wide open. “Show me!”

Kris looked up and his eyes locked onto Lu Han. Out of all of them, Lu Han was standing the furthest away, but he was looking at Amber like…like…

“Lu Han,” Kris said, jolting him out of his stupor. “Can you show Amber your gift?”

Lu Han nodded, and slowly walked closer. He didn’t say a word, but continued to stare at Amber in wonder. He knelt in front of her and picked up a few rocks from the ground. He held them out in his palm, and gestured for Amber to watch. Then he made the rocks levitate and turn in a circle.

Amber squealed and jumped up and down, clapping her hands. “Me too!” She screamed, “Me too, me too!” She snatched a few rocks from the ground, held them flat in her palm, and stared at them with a furrowed brow. After a few seconds the rocks began to float, and turn in a circle.

“In the name of the Tree!” Tao cried, clapping his hands over his mouth.

Lu Han dropped the stones. He was looking at Amber like the sun rose at her command, and he began to cry.

“She’s mine,” he said faintly, “She’s…she’s _mine_ ,” he started to sob.

Amber let her own rocks fall to the ground. “Why are you crying when you feel so happy?” She asked.

Lu Han gasped and started to cry even harder. “She’s so beautiful!” He wept, “By the Tree, she’s so…perfect, so perfect!”

Amber wrapped her arms around Lu Han and patted his back. “There, there,” she said, “You don’t have to cry because I’m perfect.”

Lu Han laughed and swept Amber into his arms, hugging her close. “Amber, you’re a Guardian,” he whispered. “You’re the first Guardian we’ve found, and you’re mine. By the Tree, I can’t believe it! I never thought this day would come!”

It hit them then, exactly what this meant. There were humans on this world, and there was a Guardian among them.

Finally, after nearly four hundred years of solitude, they weren’t alone anymore.


	71. Go Wherever You Go (Part II)

“What’s a Guardian?” Amber asked.

Everyone froze. They hadn’t thought this far ahead—how were they to explain to this child who they were and what their job was? What _her_ job was going to be? It had been so different on their home planet, where everyone had known about the Guardians and the Tree—Amber knew nothing of that yet.

Lu Han quickly stopped crying and wiped his face. “Oh, I’m sorry Amber, I should have explained that first.” He laughed. “I should also apologize for crying like that. I hope I didn’t scare you.”

Amber shook her head. “No, I know you were happy. I can feel that, you know.”

Lu Han nodded. “I suspected you could. You’re a very smart kid, aren’t you?”

Amber smiled proudly and puffed out her chest. “I’m the smartest five year old in the group,” she bragged. “I can do times tables already, up to eighteen!”

Lu Han looked shocked. “Wow, up to eighteen? That’s amazing! And you talk very well, too. You sound much older than five.”

“I feel like I’m not five,” Amber said. “I know I am, but I feel like I should be older. It’s not fair, everybody tries to push me to stay with the little kids, but I don’t get along with them.”

It hit them then, what she was implying—there were more people.

“Amber,” Suho said, kneeling next to her, “Where do you live?”

Amber pointed behind herself. “Beyond the tunnel, with everyone else.”

Suho nodded, “I see. And who is everyone else?”

“My mommy, daddy, and the other people.”

“Do you know how many people?” Suho pressed.

Amber thought for a minute. “Two hundred and eighty three.”

There was a collective gasp. “That many?” Sehun whispered. “But…we never…”

“We’ve never been here before,” Kyungsoo said suddenly. “We’ve never explored this part of the land, it’s entirely possible that all this time…they were just out of reach.”

“All what time?” Amber asked petulantly. “You’re not making sense.”

“Sorry, sweetie,” Lu Han said quickly, “We’ll explain everything to you later, I promise. But for now, we would very much like to meet your family. Could you take us to them?”

Amber smiled at him. “Sure, I bet they want to meet you, too. You guys made the fire, right?”

“What fire?” Kris asked.

Amber pointed west. “We all saw the smoke. We were wondering who caused it. We knew it wasn’t from lightning since there wasn’t a storm. It could only have been from other people.”

“The research center,” Tao said, “That’s what she’s talking about.”

“You could see that?” Sehun asks in shock. “I didn’t realize we were so close.”

“It’s hard not to see,” Amber said, “There’s nothing around here.”

And she was right, the land was mostly bare. It was one of the reasons they had never come this way before, they figured there was nothing. But if there was nothing, then where were the other people?

“Amber, let’s go meet everyone, okay?” Suho suggested. “Then we can talk some more.”

“Okay,” Amber said happily. “Come with me.”

They left the dogs above ground, figuring it would be better not to take them into some place so unfamiliar. Amber then lead them away, holding Lu Han’s hand tightly, and they walked a good few minutes before they started to see something—there was a large hole in the ground that seemed to slope downwards.

“It goes really far down,” Kyungsoo said. “And I can feel that there are a lot of people moving around down there.”

Amber let go of Lu Han’s hand and scampered over to the hole. “Come on,” she said, gesturing for them to follow her. “It’s really dark, so be careful.”

“Wait,” Kris said, stopping her, “Baekhyun can light it up for us. Let him go first.”

Amber squealed when Baekhyun formed a ball of light in his hand. “So pretty! Come on, come on! Let’s show everyone!”

The tunnel was longer than anyone had expected—except maybe Kyungsoo. They walked for a long time, all of them excited to meet new people, but also very nervous. It was so hard to believe that there were people, real humans, alive on the earth after all this time! Everyone was wondering where they had come from, if it was the Tree’s doing or something else’s. it didn’t help that the tunnel was narrow and damp, and just overall creepy.

“You came through here all by yourself?” Lu Han asked Amber, wincing as his voice echoed.

“Yep,” Amber said. “I do it all the time.”

“Without a light?” Minseok asked.

“I don’t need a light,” Amber explained, “I can feel my way around, but without using my hands. It’s hard to explain, but it’s like how I move the rocks. I don’t know how I do it, I just do.” She tugged on Lu Han’s arm. “Do you know how you do it?”

“I do,” Lu Han answered. “And I would be happy to teach you all about it, and how to do more, but first we should talk to your family about it.”

When the tunnel did end, it ended at a large metal door that looked very strong and very imposing. Amber walked up to it and felt along the crevice between the door and the wall.

“There’s a switch here, which opens a panel.” She must have found the switch, because on the other side of the tunnel a panel opened up, revealing an illuminated screen. Amber ran to it and placed her palm flat on the screen. It beeped a few time, then lit up green, and the door squeaked open. What was inside was absolutely shocking.

They were in a large room, devoid of people, but filled with all kinds of vehicles both small and large. The floor had been polished to reveal a beautiful stone, and it gleamed in the gentle light from the fixtures along the walls—walls which were covered in the same stone. At the other side of the room was another door.

“This is the garage,” Amber said, starting to walk. The guardians snapped to attention and rushed to keep up with her. “All the cars have to stay here when nobody is using them. There are a lot of places that are far away, it’s hard to get to if you have an old person or a baby, but most everyone walks since the cars take up a lot of electricity.”

“This is incredible,” Jongdae said. “Amber, do you know how long it’s been here?”

Amber nodded. “Since before the great migration.”

“The what?” Several of them asked.

“The Great Migration,” Amber repeated. “When everybody left.”

Suho gasped. “The ships! The ones that took everyone away!”

Amber whirled around and stared at him in surprise. “You know about that?”

“We saw it,” Chanyeol blurted. Then he clapped his hands over his mouth. “Oops.”

“You…you saw it?” Amber repeated. “Oh my god.” She ran to the door and threw it open. “PRESIDENT!” She screamed, now speaking a language they had come to recognize as Korean, “YOU HAVE TO COME HERE AND MEET MY NEW FRIENDS!”

The Guardians all looked at each other, identical expressions of hesitation on their faces.

“It’s now or never,” Baekhyun said, squaring his shoulders. The twelve of them walked through the door together.

The door opened on to a large outcropping, which was about two stories above a large underground lake, and around the lake several more people were working, or playing. The outcropping was very wide, about the same as the width of a family house. A road extended from either side of the outcropping and wound around and down to the lake. Nobody down by the lake seemed to care very much about what was going on up on the landing. There was about twenty people standing around on the other side of the door. Some seemed to be security personnel, and one woman was seated at a desk overlooking the lake, but she had turned around in her chair and was staring wide-eyed at Amber and the Guardians. Everyone was staring at them, actually. One man seemed to have dropped a large stack of papers in his shock.

The woman stood up. She was older, with greying hair. It had been so long since the Guardians had seen an elderly person. “Hello,” the woman said in Korean. She hesitated. “Can you understand me?”

“We can,” Suho answered, stepping forwards. “We can understand Korean, we can also understand some dialects of Chinese, and English.”

The woman smiled, but she still looked shocked. “We have people among us who can speak all of those languages.” She hesitated. “My name is Park Jooyeon, I’m the acting president of the population. May I ask…are you…one of us?”

“Are you gods?” One of the other women asked.

They all smiled and relaxed. “We’re not gods,” Suho answered. He looked around, eyeing Chanyeol and Kris in particular. “But by the definition of various religions of this planet, we could be mistaken for them. And we’re…not of this planet. We arrived here almost four hundred years ago.”

There were gasps. “Four hundred years,” the president repeated. “My…you all look so young.” Now several people looked wary.

“We’re Guardians of a being known as the Tree of Life,” Kris said, moving to stand next to Suho. “We have special gifts which we use in service to the Tree. On our world, the Tree is what gives life to our people. It…well it’s not really a Tree, it’s a highly intelligent being which created our world and took on a physical form that just happened to be a Tree. It sounds a little strange, I know, but I’m not quite sure of how to explain it.”

The president nodded. “It does sound strange but…we know there is other life besides that on this world. Our ancestors saw them, but choose not to leave.”

Now the Guardians gasped.

“Then, you’re natives of this planet!” Suho said. “How…we saw the airships come, we thought the entire population had left!”

The president looked confused. “You aren’t from those people?”

They all shook their heads. “No, we don’t know who those peoples are. We arrived on your world a few years before those first ships came.”

The president nodded. “I see,” she said, though she still sounded confused. “And why did you come here?”

Kris and Suho glanced at each other. Suho answered, “It’s a long story, it would be nice if we could tell it once. May we address the population?”

The President considered it for a moment, then nodded. “Yes, I think that would be for the best.”

* * *

The entire population of 283 people gathered around the lake, and the twelve Guardians stood on a platform overlooking them. many people open stared and pointed, some refused to make eye contact. The children looked very much like all they wanted to do was get their hands on Chanyeol and Kris’ wings.

Once everyone had gathered, President Park introduced them as ‘Amber’s new friends,’ and then invited them to tell their story.

Suho was the one who started to explain, basically reciting the creation story that all children heard on their home planet.

“We come from a planet that really has no name. We just call it ‘home.’ Our planet was formed, as most planets are, from the remains of a great explosion in space. Over thousands of years a kind of consciousness floated over a chaotic mass of land. Inside the land was tons and tons of power, later called…cosmic energy.” The other Guardians all silently thanked Suho for not using the word ‘magic.’

“The consciousness decided to form the land mass into something less chaotic and to consolidate the great power, but in order to do that the consciousness needed a form. The land mass was kind of evolving on its own, and while there were no animals or people, there was water and plant life. So the consciousness took the form of one of the most stable life forms on the planet—that of a tree. This consciousness became known as The Tree of Life for that reason. It concentrated its most basic self inside of a single central area—its heart. It spread the other parts of itself out in its roots, which grew to cover the entire planet, and it formed the land into one solid mass and trapped the great power under it.

“The Tree then caused human beings to evolve from more primitive life forms, and as they evolved it realized that the humans would need some kind of powerful leader, or some ruling body that could create order for them. The Tree also realized that it would not be able to control these people because it could not speak to them; their own consciousness was not strong or stable enough to establish contact with. That is one reason why the Tree created the Guardians—what we are. The second reason was that the great power, the cosmic energy, was getting to be too massive to contain underground. The Tree released the power from the ground in small spurts in a bunch of different locations, and the power latched onto a person it found to be suitable to handle it. This is how the first Guardians were created, and the power is what gives us our Affinities or Gifts.”

Here Suho directed the other Guardians to show what they could do. The people of the planet were riveted, and when Suho went on, they hung on his every word.

“At first twelve young men received this energy and gathered together to protect and serve the Tree of Life. But the Tree soon realized that the energy of the world, which the world was made of and which gave these Guardians their powers, continued to grow. It realized that this energy was a byproduct of its own thoughts, like how a car, when running, emits exhaust gas.”

There were smiles from the people, and it was a relief to see that they seemed to understand.

“It took a lot of energy to create the first Generation, so the Tree managed to get away with not releasing the magic again for a long time. Following that, however, there had to be a new Generation about once every two hundred years, give or take. The thing about the energy in the planet is that it keeps building up on itself—think of cancer cells, they grow and divide at an unregulated pace and sometimes build up into tumors, the magic is the same. At certain points the pressure under the planet needs to be alleviated, and then the Tree will release the energy in short spurts and a new Generation of Guardians will be created.”

Kris jumped in, “But the thing is, that energy was there for anyone to control. And early on in the planets history, two people tried to harness the energy and use it for themselves to over power the Guardians. They used sacrifices and created a darker kind of energy that eventually overpowered and corrupted the two people themselves. it turned them into a dark, formless mass of malignant energy that became known as ‘Mama.’ The first generation of Guardians tried to fight this force and eventually sealed it away, but didn’t destroy it. and when we were children, the dark energy began to break free of its seal and take over the minds and heart of the people of our world, including the other Generations of Guardians. That’s why we came here. We took the heart of the Tree of life and…and left our planet, because by ourselves we weren’t strong enough to defeat it. We came here because your planet and your people are most similar to our own. We used space technology like what you have and we…we nearly made it without incident but as it turns out, our technology had been corrupted, probably by one of our own Guardians. We ended up crash landing in escape pods and it took us a long time to find out way back together. By the time we did, the other ships—which were not of our own planet, that much we know—had come and taken the world’s population away. Or, so we thought.”

They all looked around at the people.

“We thought everyone was gone,” Kyungsoo said. “I…as you saw I can move the earth, and I can also feel life inside of it. This whole planet felt so dead, I was sure that there was no life at all.”

There were murmurs from the crowd, which quieted when President Park held up her hand.

“Your story is like nothing we’ve ever heard,” she said. “But then, I suppose we could say the same for our story. You were right,” She said, nodding towards Kyungsoo, “This world was dead. Almost four hundred and fifty years ago many people began to realize that the world was becoming uninhabitable, so they decided to do something. They couldn’t clean the world up alone but knew that eventually, the world could heal itself. They just needed to wait it out. So they decided to go underground, so far under that the pollution wouldn’t affect them. many people thought they were crazy, but nobody really cared enough to stop them. There were enough people on board with the idea that they managed to get representations from hundreds of professions and many different ethnicities. When the pace ships came, many people left, but our ancestors decided to stay here and see if they could someday return to the life they once lived. We have been here, waiting for that day.” She stared at the Guardians in wonder. “Have you truly lived above ground all this time?”

“We have,” Suho answered. “And the world is healing. We’re able to grow things, farm animals, fish in the oceans…”

There was a murmur of excitement.

“We have been venturing above ground,” President Park said. “We were wondering if the time had come for us to go back to the world.”

A woman in the crowd stood up. “What does any of this have to do with Amber?” She asked.

Lu Han explained. “We told you before that the darkness overtook our world. We came here because we were hoping that someday…humans would evolve again, that the Tree of Life or some other force would bring them back, and new guardians would be born, who could help us reclaim our world.” His eyes found Amber, lingering with the other children. “We believe that…there’s a reason we met Amber today, and that she lead us to you. She’s the start of a new Generation of guardians.”

“How do you know?” The woman asked. “Is it because…of the rocks?”

Many people looked confused and began to whisper. Lu Han beckoned Amber forward.

“There are many ways to recognize a Guardian,” he explained as Amber made her way forward. “They are highly intelligent from a young age and very eloquent. They don’t usually get along well with their peers, or their own parents, sometimes. They also have special abilities, and have a mark of their gift somewhere on their body.”

Amber had made her way to the platform, and she froze. “I have a mark,” she said, “It’s on my wrist.” She pulled up her sleeve to reveal a birthmark exactly like the one Lu Han had. Lu Han grinned and pulled down the collar of his shirt so that he could show Amber his own mark.

“They’re the same!” Amber yelled, jumping up and down, “They’re exactly the same, I’m just like you!”

Suho stepped forward again. “I know that this is a lot for you to take in, we weren’t expecting to find people here, so I’m not sure how good of a job we did explaining this. But…if you would like, we can take you to the Tree of Life. It’s here, on this planet, and if we can show it to you then maybe…it can find a way to make contact with you.”

President Park quickly directed everyone’s attention towards herself. “We all participate in this government,” she said, “I would like everyone to take some time to think this over. In the meantime, I would like to give these Guardians a tour of our home and tell them more about our past. Please, discuss in a group or privately among your families what you would like to do with this information.”

The crowd began to disperse, and the woman who had asked about Amber’s role approached the platform. It was now easy to see that she was Amber’s mother. She came up to the platform and knelt in front of her daughter, gazing at her curiously.

“Did you know about any of this?” She asked. “This tree, or the guardians?”

Amber shook her head.

“Do you believe it?” Her mother asked.

Amber looked between Lu Han and the mark on her own wrist. “He feels like me, mama,” she said. “They all do. I want to go with them, I want to see the Tree.”

Her mother nodded and stood up, looking Lu Han square in the eye. “She never felt like she was mine. I carried her, and gave birth to her, and I cared for her…but something never felt right.”

“It was like that for all of our mothers,” Lu Han said. “It’s because…she was meant to leave.”

“I see that now,” the woman said. “I can see that…even though she just met you, she responds to you. She always was a smart little girl, and she’s right, she’s just like you.” The woman took a deep breath. “Will you take care of her? Will you love her?”

Lu Han nodded. “As if she was my own.”

The woman smiled. “Then we will both go with you to see this Tree of Life. And if she wants to be a Guardian, then who am I to stop her?”

Lu Han took the woman’s hands. “Your daughter is going to be a powerful young woman one day, she’s going to help generations of people live the best lives that they can. And I will do everything I can to train her and help her realize her full potential.”

Amber’s mother squeezed his hands. “Thank you.” Then she held out her arms for Amber. “Come on dear, we should pack for the trip.”

They all watched the two of them leave, then President Park lead them off for a tour.


	72. Go Wherever You Go (Part III)

“How did you live down here for all this time?” Suho asked President Park as they began walking around the lake.

“Our ancestors planned for everything,” She explained. “When the pollution first started getting bad, a small group of people got together and started writing up plans, the first blueprints for an underground population. Those people didn’t end up needing the plans, but they passed their research down to their children and grandchildren, and eventually the world got bad enough where action needed to be taken.”

“Wasn’t it expensive, building all this?” Kyungsoo asked.

“It was, indeed,” President Park said. She lead the group down a corridor from which several hallways sprouted. “And it was dangerous, because many people thought that our ancestors were out of their minds, or forming a cult. The government kept an eye on them, but all they were doing was digging a hole in the ground, so they didn’t interfere. Several people in the group had a lot of money, and they bought the equipment needed to dig this place out, as well as hire engineers who could make sure it would be safe. As I’m sure you can imagine, there was fear of collapse. But they discovered this underground lake and bought the land above it, and the caverns and tunnels that already existed were enough that there was room to excavate.”

President Park took them down one corridor which lead to a room full of monitors. “Scientists were the first people to realize that the earth was dying. When our ancestors began building this place they knew they needed professionals from all kinds of fields. The first people to live here were doctors, chemists, biologists, climatologists, and so on. There were also plumbers, teachers, engineers, artists, electricians, dentists, law enforcement…I could go on and on. All of these people made sure that humanity could survive underground. They took machinery, tools of their respective trades, and brought them down here. Then they left us instructions that we could follow should something go wrong, and advice on how to keep things running smoothly.” She went up to one of the monitors. “We have a water filtration system and an air filtration system. We take some air and water from outside through a filter, but most of our air and water is recycled. Dirty water from the septic system is cleaned of toxins and then used to fertilize plants. These monitors allow us to keep an eye on those systems. They are mostly self-sufficient and can even repair themselves to a point, but our professionals keep several spare models on hand and use them to practice repairs.”

“How do you stay healthy?” Suho asked.

President Park lead them across the hall to a room full of medical equipment. “We employ most of the same medical technology our ancestors used. We have living strains of the same viruses they vaccinated against and we use them to make vaccines. The living strains are kept under lock and key, only doctors have access to them. We were also very careful to keep the people who were born down here from adapting to life underground. It’s important that we keep the electricity going to allow temperature and light fluctuation. Plus there is a cavern with holes cut to the surface and covered in a thick layer of glass, which keeps pollution out but allows sunlight in. From age one week and for the rest of their life, each person spends half an hour each day in direct sunlight. This ensures that once we go back up, we’re not too sensitive to exposure. And since we can in fact grow plants and keep animals, very few people have such severe allergies that they can’t stand being outside. Those that do have more severe allergies take medicines for it.”

“And you said you tried to save a lot of the culture of your ancestors?” Kris asked.

President Park grinned and lead them down an even longer hallway to a room full of computers. “Here we have tapes of all spoken and dead languages in the world. We also have books and music, and computerized scans of paintings, statues, and cultural objects. Much of it was collected from museums and historical libraries from across the world. The internet of the past is no longer functioning above ground, but we have our own internet that we can bring above ground with us.”

“So you can work a computer?” Chen blurted. “We never figured them out!”

“Yes,” President Park said eagerly, “We can manufacture and repair computers. They’re key to archiving and remembering our past and recording our present.” She paused, lost in thought. “I never imagined I would see our people return above ground in my lifetime. One of the things we were most worried about was having a population large enough to repopulate the planet. To keep generations from developing adaptations to living underground we had to limit the number of children born. We’ve also become quite homogenous, since the movement for this underground living began in Asia. There were more races among us but as time went on many of the physical traits that marked other races were simply too recessive. We couldn’t tell people to keep marrying within their own race, not when they fell in love with other people. One thing we all vowed to do was never interfere with love.”

“What about same sex couples?” Tao asked.

“We have many,” President Park said, “But those couple are able to have children through surrogacy, and even those who don’t want to be parents are willing to donate their eggs or sperm cells so that others may have children, and so that we can keep the gene pool fairly wide. We actually mapped the gene pool and have a detailed family tree, would you all like to see it?”

* * *

The tour continued, but Lu Han had long ago stopped paying attention. He held Sehun’s hand and trusted his husband to lead him along and keep him from running into things and people, in the meantime he stayed lost in his own thoughts. They had discovered people, they had discovered the first Guardian, and she was his! Never in his wildest dreams did he imagine that the first Guardian would be his to train, and now that the excitement had passed Lu Han found himself extremely worried. Noticing how his fellow guardians were all happy and eager, Lu Han kept his more melancholy thoughts to himself, at least until nighttime.

The people had all decided that they would leave. They decided very quickly to return to above ground living and agreed to come to Seoul, the old capital of South Korea where the Guardians had made their home, and live under their leadership. They would all set out first thing in the morning. In the meantime the Guardians were given several rooms to spend the night in and they quickly coupled off. As soon as they were alone, Sehun turned to Lu Han and said, “Tell me what’s on your mind.”

Lu Han slumped to the floor, tears in his eyes. “Sehun, what if I can’t teach her? She’s just…so beautiful, and so whole. She has limitless possibilities, she could be so strong, but I’m so old and still so broken…”

“No you’re not,” Sehun said quickly, kneeling next to Lu Han. “You are still powerful and talented, and even if there are things you can’t do, you remember how to do them. you have experience, and wisdom, and that’s what you need to pass on to Amber. Half the things she’s going to learn, she’s going to figure them out on her own anyway, just like we did. And you know, since she’s the first that means we all can be there to help you teach her.”

Lu Han sighed. “I know all that, I do. But…it’s still so hard to think that I could be her mentor. We’ve been alone for so long that I almost forgot why we came here in the first place. Someday Amber is going to come home with us, and she’s going to come face to face with that…that thing, all of those girls will…we have to raise them to be warriors, we don’t even know what we have to do to beat this monster, I just feel like we’ll be sending them to be hurt or worse.”

Sehun shook his head. “You’re thinking of them as humans, and they’re not. They are warriors, we are warriors. Look at all that we’ve been through, look at everything that’s happened to us? We’ve been kicked around our whole lives, and now we’re here, we’re going to help a whole world rebuild itself. And our next Generation is going to help us defeat Mama, because that’s what they are born to do. Even if they haven’t faced it the way we have, the Tree can show them what it’s like and we can all, all twenty four of us, get together and make a plan. Once we have matured Guardians, we won’t be alone anymore, we won’t have to face everything by ourselves. Just like you won’t have to do this by yourself.”

Lu Han found himself smiling despite his concerns. “You could have been a true leader, you know. That or a write, you have a way with words.”

Sehun grinned smugly. “What can I say? I guess I’m just full of surprises.” He kissed Lu Han’s cheek and pulled him upright. “Now let’s go to sleep, we’re going to need our rest for tomorrow.”

* * *

The Guardians woke up early and gathered in Kris, Suho, and Tao’s room to discuss how they were going to transport all these people back to the Tree.

“They have cars, electric cars,” Xiumin pointed out, “They can drive.”

Suho shook his head. “But they’ll run out of energy, and even if Chen could zap them back to full charge…I mean we’re talking over a hundred vehicles, and I’m not sure that there simply are enough to carry everyone and all their belongings.”

“But they can’t all walk,” Yixing said, “They’re not used to outside conditions like heat and dry wind, that will take time. If we make them walk, it could take months to get back home.”

“Well, what other options do we have?” Kris asked.

Kyungsoo raised his hand. “We have me. I can…make things, out of the earth. Things like…like cars.”

Everyone stared at him. “What do you mean?” Tao asked.

Kyungsoo stood and stepped back a few feet, then he held his hands over the earth and formed a perfect replica of one of the cars they had seen in the garage, on a much smaller scale. Then as they all watched, the car began to move.

“How are you _doing_ that?” Jongin asked.

Kyungsoo shrugged. “I just am. I guess as long as some part of it is on the ground, I can control it’s movement.”

“How long have you known about this?” Baekhyun asked.

Kyungsoo stared at the ground. “A long time. Remember back when we started finding out just how strong we were?”

“That long?!” Baekhyun yelped.

Kyungsoo nodded, looking uneasy. “Look…we know everything about each other, we have no privacy, and I just…I wanted something for myself, for a while. After everything I went through with my gift I wanted something that was special and just for me. I’ve barely used it, only when I was really bored or sad, and then I would just make little things and test what I could do with them. I didn’t keep it from you guys because I didn’t trust you or anything like that, I just…”

Baekhyun groaned and rubbed his temples. “Yeah, we get it. So you can like, do this for everyone, right? You can transport everyone like this?”

“Yes,” Kyungsoo said.

“Fantastic,” Baekhyun said, not meeting Kyungsoo’s eyes, “Then this meeting is adjourned let’s go wake everybody up.”

Then he stood and stalked out of the room.

“What’s up with him?” Chanyeol asked.

Kyungsoo sighed. “I’ll go talk to him.”

He caught up to Baekhyun by the lake. Since it was so early there weren’t many people around, and those who were awake were too busy packing to pay attention to them. Baekhyun was facing the water, his back to Kyungsoo.

“Baekhyun, can I talk to you?”

Baekhyun snorted. “Oh, now you want to talk to me?” He asked without looking at Kyungsoo.

“Why are you so upset about this?”

“I’m not upset,” Baekhyun said sarcastically, “I’m sorry, I didn’t realize we were such a burden for you, I can’t imagine what it’s like to have no secrets and no privacy.”

Kyungsoo was shocked to see Baekhyun like this. “I wasn’t trying to slight you or anything, any of you. I really don’t understand why you’re so mad, it’s not even like it was really life changing, I brought my ability up when we needed it. What’s so wrong about it?”

Baekhyun finally looked at Kyungsoo, hurt all over his face. “Was it really so important that you couldn’t even tell me?! You even told me about…about your vision, which by the way is another thing you’re keeping secret. How many secrets do you have, exactly?”

“Why does it matter to you?” Kyungsoo asked.

“Why does it matter to me?” Baekhyun repeated incredulously, “Because I thought you trusted me! I thought you could at least tell me anything! How are we supposed to look out for you, and make sure you’re okay, if all you do hide things from us?” He wiped his eyes and ran his fingers through his hair in frustration. “I don’t know what I’m supposed to do with you.”

“Who made it your job? Why are you so worried about me?”

“Are you this dense? Because you’re always alone. Even before, when you were having trouble with your gift, you suffered through it by yourself and then when we found out how hurt you had been…”

“Xiumin and Yixing are single too, you know.”

Baekhyun groaned and smacked himself in the forehead. “Oh my god. Yes, but they have other people. Each other, Lu Han, Kai…who do you go to?”

Kyungsoo opened his mouth, then closed it. _‘Oh. It’s you.’_

Baekhyun looked like he was about to cry. “Now do you get it?”

“But…just because I didn’t tell you this, that doesn’t mean it was hurting me. And it doesn’t mean that I don’t trust you, or that you’re not my best friend.”

Baekhyun lunged forward and hugged Kyungsoo so tightly that he couldn’t even draw in a breath. “B-Baekhyun…y-you’re choking me!”

Baekhyun sobbed into Kyungsoo’s shoulder. “Please don’t hide things from me, I don’t want to lose you. I’m so selfish but really, if something happened to you I’d never forgive myself. And I don’t want you to go through the bad things by yourself, because I’ve tried to do that and it almost cost me everything, I just don’t want that to happen to you.”

Kyungsoo hugged Baekhyun and patted his back. “I can’t promise to tell you every single thing,” he said, still a little choked, “But I promise that if I ever start to feel like it’s too much, you’ll be the first person I come to.”

Baekhyun finally loosened his grip and pulled back, looking immensely relieved. “I’ll never push you away. Any time you need me, I don’t care what time it is or what I’m doing.”

“Baekhyun, I can’t expect you to just drop everything for me.”

“Sure you can,” Baekhyun insisted.

“What? But Chanyeol—”

“Can deal with it,” Baekhyun said firmly. “Please, he knows we’re friends. He’ll understand.”

“That’s a pretty serious promise,” Kyungsoo said.

“Well, that’s how much I care about you. And how much I value your friendship.”

Kyungsoo felt himself getting teary and he punched Baekhyun weakly in the arm. “You sap.”

Baekhyun grinned. “Guess we better head back, I'm sure the people will be waking up.”

* * *

The people didn’t have a whole lot of personal belongings. Clothing and furniture could be replaced, most of what the people took were family photos, heirlooms from the past, and their technology. They also had with them pillows and blankets, at Kyungsoo’s request. The Guardians still had the RV, but they decided that it would be used primarily for carrying the elderly, water, and food. Everything and everyone else would be carried on whatever it was Kyungsoo was going to create.

The walk out of the underground was as chaotic and wild as it was magical. The people were loud and excited, they had their rolling suitcases and pets, and farm animals walking alongside them. Children were laughing and chasing each other, several people were filming the event. Once the group reached the mouth of the tunnel, they all stopped. The Guardians were the first to step outside, and Amber was quick to follow. After several minutes, finally the entire population stood above ground for the first time in four hundred years. Though they could have come above ground, many had never done so until that moment, and they stared around themselves in awe.

“It’s so big,” one little boy said. “Is it really all for us?”

“Yes,” President Park said. “And that’s why we have to take care of it, and learn from the mistakes of our ancestors.”

After a few more minutes in which the people wandered around, taking in the world around them, the Guardians began to organize them into groups. The elderly were taken to the bus, and everyone else stood back to allow Kyungsoo to work.

Kyungsoo knelt and sunk his hands into the earth. There was a low rumbling sound, and then the ground began to shake. Shapes rose from the earth, huge boulders and slabs of earth that crumbled apart and then reformed, until finally a hundred stone vehicles stood in a neat line. They looked almost like cars, but very simple. Each one had four wheels and two long benches, and was covered by a slab of stone that extended several inches over the sides of the vehicle. The stone awning was held up by two thin supports that extended from each of the benches, in the center of the backs. The supports wouldn’t interfere with the people who sat on the benches, nor would the obscure the people’s view of each other. Now everyone began to understand why Kyungsoo had suggested the pillows and blankets.

Kyungsoo pointed to the front of one vehicle. “This piece of stone in the front will keep the people who sit in the front seats from getting covered in dust and mud. The awning should protect everyone from the rain and sun, but if need be I can extend the stone down to provide further protection. There’s empty space in the back where luggage can be stored and pets can sit.”

“That’s brilliant,” Suho said. “How long did it take you to come up with this design?”

Kyungsoo shrugged. “An hour, maybe? I got inspired by the golf carts that President Park showed us yesterday, but gave them more room in the back.”

Most families did not number more than four people, families with small children could fit as many as seven people in one vehicle. There were a few that were left empty, and those were used to carry the extra luggage, like medical supplies that weren’t sensitive to light and temperature. Farm animals would walk beside the vehicles, kept in line by dogs and the occasional person if the need arose. The Guardians would ride in a larger vehicle at the front of the group. Amber demanded to sit with them, and after making sure it was okay with her parents, they took her with them.

There were cheers from the people as the stone vehicles began to move, and the Guardians cheered with them. It was really happening, they were really going home.

Amber sat on Lu Han’s lap, playing with her stones. As the day wore on she became inquisitive, interrogating all the Guardians on their lives, and what her life would be like. The group stopped twice to eat and allow the people to eat and stretch. When the sun set, the Guardians decided to stop in a small town for the night. Once more Kyungsoo created a large stone structure, just walls and a roof, and everyone slept together. The next morning Kris and Suho warned the people that it would take a while to get back to the Tree, and their days would likely not include much variation.

* * *

Three months passed in much the same way, and when the city of Seoul came into sight there was a palpable sense of excitement in the air. The people had been so accommodating with the travel, they had never complained or shown their weariness. They were a strong, resilient population, from the oldest to the youngest. They were fighters, and dreamers. Upon arrival in Seoul, each family set out to explore the city and look for houses. The plumbers and electricians marveled at the good condition of the old systems and vowed to find ways to make them strong enough to support a larger population. President Park humbly requested to be a liaison between the Guardians and the people, helping the Guardians to adjust to the needs of more than twelve. They accepted her offer right away, and then they made an announcement to the people. The night was theirs, to use to sleep or settle in, or explore the city, but in the morning they wanted everyone to come to the first gate of the Palace, so they could take the people to the Tree of Life. Amber spent one last night with her parents—her training would begin the very next day.

Inside the first gate of the Palace, nothing had changed. Farm animals roamed the grass, and cats and dogs lounged in the sun. When the Guardians entered the second gate of the Palace, they were somehow not surprised to find the Tree of Life, firmly planted in a new garden of flowers and birds.

“This is not at all where we left the Tree, is it?” Yixing asked.

“No,” Suho agreed, “But the Tree always did have a mind of its own.”

And inside the third gate, their home remained untouched. The Guardians slept in their own beds that night for the first time in years, finally feeling like they were home at last.

* * *

The next day four hundred people came face to face with the Tree of life. They went into the second gate in groups of ten, and each person sat before the Tree and touched it. They all left the same way—happy, but crying from how touched they were to meet a being that loved them unconditionally, and showed them how their earth was healing.

The last person to meet the Tree was a special little girl. Five years old, precocious, and strong. The first member of a new Generation. The Guardians took Amber to the Tree and sat beside her, telling her to close her eyes.

The Guardians knew exactly how it would greet her.

‘ _Hello, my precious child. My little Guardian._ ’

* * *

[Badly drawn example of the not-cars that Kyungsoo made](https://31.media.tumblr.com/2a998b5683572e203adb4a239dbc589c/tumblr_nas304F4JA1qkz6wio1_1280.jpg). I’m not an artist.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original notes (edited slightly): 
> 
> So in early 2012 I started getting the idea for an EXO Mama AU story. It was the first EXO story I really wanted to write, though it ended up preceded by another Nu’Est crossover fic. Even though I had the idea for this story floating around in my head I really never intended to write it, because I knew it was going to be really, really long, and I didn’t have an endgame in mind for it anyway. But then on April 4th my partner in my college dance class didn’t show up on the day we were supposed to start brainstorming ideas for our paper. At a loss and with over an hour of time to spare, I took out my laptop and started to write the story down. And that’s how At World’s end started. I didn’t even have a title for it until the moment I decided to post the foreword, and then I quickly came up with something. To this day I think the title is pretty lame. Thanks to everyone who's ever commented on this fic, from those who comment every chapter to those who only comment once, I love you all!
> 
> New Notes:
> 
> It's been almost 11 years since I started writing this?! Wow, I can hardly believe it. EXO has changed so much since then, k-pop as a whole has changed so much since then! But this story still holds such a special place in my heart and I'm so gld to share it with a new audience on a new platform. Thanks for reading, I'll start posting the sequel (also on AFF) soon!


End file.
